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Change is Harder Than it Looks.

Posted January 2nd, 2016 at 11:53 PM by Palamon

I don't know.

I feel like I title that a lot of the entries I post. "I don't know."

Sometimes, I feel like I never change. Then there are times I feel like I have changed. I suppose it's hard to see, but maybe I'm just not that emo kid on the block anymore. That's a change, probably. Maybe I'm... quieter than I used to be, as well, and less nosy. I do remember pointing out everything I notice, even when it wasn't in my place to say it, and not thinking before I say stuff. I guess I was a lot darker, too.

Have I changed? I don't know. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I'm still the stupid idiot I was in 2012, maybe I'm no different than I used to be. I'm still hard on myself, that'll never stop being a thing, that'll never just go away. I go from idealizing myself to devaluing myself all the time, so, hmm.

I guess I'm less annoying, too. I'm also not as engaged with people as I used to be. I realized how careful I need to be with making friends, and who to actually consider a friend, being more closed off about my feelings (since I was never really good with talking about how I feel about people anyway), and all that jazz. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I'm young, I'm bound to, right? I'm too young to be the already inexistent perfect.

I don't intend to become close to anyone anymore. I'm fine with who I feel close to, and I'm fine behind my layers. Try and break through my layers, but don't get inside my soul. Stay away from there... that area is not for anyone...

I don't know.
Am I the same Palamon, or am I a different Palamon?
I guess I've changed at least a little. Not like many people keep tabs on me and pay attention enough.
Maybe it's up to me to decide.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Seliph's Avatar
    I've been told that up until the end of people's 30s who they are now is completely different from who they were like 6 months ago.

    And while I've only rarely stumpled upon your posts, I'm pretty sure there was some change over time.
    Posted January 3rd, 2016 at 3:29 AM by Seliph Seliph is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Keira's Avatar
    C'mon. We were looking at your backlogs the other day. You're very clearly a different Pala. For one thing you've actually realized who you are, which is good, and you're a bit more mature.

    Definitely different Palamon. Better Palamon also. :-)
    Posted January 3rd, 2016 at 5:54 AM by Keira Keira is offline
 

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