Dear Diary,

Today was a very bad day for me. I tripped over a phone cord in gym class and fell into someone's feet, then I made them trip into a pile of basketballs. The teacher saw it and got all mad at me, so she started throwing big basketballs towards me and cussed out some naughty british words. I told her to shut up and I kicked her in the shin. She got so mad and red so she picked me up by my foot and threw me at the ceiling. Then I got stuck on one of those dangling lights that...