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5 Reasons Why I Want Trump To Be President

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5 Reasons Why I Want Trump To Be President

Posted May 6th, 2016 at 5:37 PM by Sir Codin

The recent presidential elections are coming to a fold and so far it's a literal case of "Dumb and Dumberer." Hilldog vs Trumparump. Finally, a presidential race that literally reflects what it's come down to since before I was even born when it comes to American leadership: settling for the lesser of two evils, instead of just not voting for evil at all.

Trump is an ass. There's no getting around that. He's completely unfit to serve as a leader of the objectively best worst richest-yet-below-average nation on the face of the planet. And yet, in a grand twist of irony, I want him to become president. Because spite. America and Trump were made for each other. But since everyone here knows spite is the biggest reason why I ever do anything in life, here are five other reasons why I think Trump being Commander-In-Grief would be for the best...or at least most entertaining:

1. Because I want "President Pisshair" to be a thing

Ever since Penn Jillete referred to Trump's hair as "cotton candy that someone pissed in," I just cannot unsee it. I'm pretty sure Trump sells his own brand of hair-dye with the secret ingredient being his own urine. Or rather, he tried to sell it, but he screwed up that business venture just like every other one he's done. So now he just makes it for himself. I wish his asshole followers bought more of it and used it. Then we'd know who to never breed with.

2. Political Cartoonists get at least 4 years of golden material

Hehehe, "golden." Geddit? No but seriously, I'm getting tired of seeing political cartoons of Obama's infamously large ears. It's time we had a new running gag for political cartoonists to fall back on. If Trump gets elected, it'll be just that. It's like "Bush." That's all liberals will have to say to be funny or win an argument. "Bush." Speaking of...

3. "Bushisms" will be replaced with "Trumpisms"

Bushisms are getting too passe. It's time we had something new from the Republican party to mock for being a schite president and I think Trump could be the one. It will be a new foolproof argument for when Eternal President Sanders wins the election in 2020 or 2024; all a liberal has to do is say "Trump" and she wins the argument. Argumentum ad urina pilos. Socrates, time for you to piss off, we've got a new brand of logic in town.

4. World War Three

People have been dreading the possibility of World War Three for too long now. It's obvious based on how much we worry about it that we actually want it. With Trump, we can finally get it over with then move onto conspiracy theorists preaching about the coming of World War Four.

5. His election will be the final nail in the coffin for the American political system

To be fair, this will happen with Hillary too. No winners, everyone in America loses. The final nail in the coffin to send it all tumbling down. America will not be the same after this and will finally have to wake up and realize the party-system we have now is no longer working; we need to strip-down and start anew. A phoenix from the ashes.

Overall, though, I'd totally chill with Trump. Hell, I'd even chill with Hilldog. I just don't want either of them making life-altering decisions for me or other people.

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  1. Old Comment
    Universe's Avatar
    5 reasons why i cry everyday that i wake up in America
    Posted May 6th, 2016 at 7:56 PM by Universe Universe is offline

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