"I Don't Understand You."

Follow up entry

Maybe what I think doesn't matter anyway.

No one understands me. That's how I like it. That's how it should be. I'm cryptic on purpose. Being open is terrifying, letting people into my soul is unthinkable. Letting people actually getting to know me is even scarier to me. Why would anyone want to get to me anyway, I'm not interesting at all. I'm sure everyone thinks of me as that "irritating pink poster" anyway. Definitely.

People tell me I'm friendly and good at starting conversations... but the truth is, I feel pressured to talk, I feel pressured to keep talking, I feel like I have to keep talking. I just have to keep talking... I always thought that this impulse made me annoying, so I just don't talk all that much to too many people. Why bother people when I'm not ever interesting to begin with?

It's better for me to be quiet, anyway, I like it better barely anyone knowing I exist. Maybe that's a little dark, but I feel like, a lot of the time, many people would be happier if I weren't here. Because I'm that "irritating pink poster."

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so irritating, I'm sorry I'm so closed off, I'm sorry I'm so aloof, it's just for my own good. I've made too many mistakes. Mistakes of which I never want to repeat. Ha... who am I kidding? It's not anyone's job to care.

Hi, I'm Palamon, and I'm anxious. This is a mood swing.

It's good to let your thoughts out like this, mate. Don't bottle anything up, let it all spill out so it doesn't build into something terrible.

I've never found you annoying/irritating

Gotta say, I hope I've never contributed to you feeling like that. You don't bother me at all. Heck, the only reason I haven't talked to you more is because I suck at holding a conversation.

Maybe if you didn't assume things of others (what they thought or what they might do to you), you would be pleasantly surprised that you don't have to keep your guard up around you as much. Being an open book is one thing, but you don't have to stick to black and white thinking.
And the self-deprecation isn't a good look for you, in my opinion.