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My writing, how can I improve?

Posted September 24th, 2018 at 4:48 AM by Ace Trainer Slash
Updated September 24th, 2018 at 4:48 AM by Ace Trainer Slash

I'm making a dark Pokemon ROM Hack, focused on the torture and suffering of the human race, and Pokemon. The dark approach has been done before in other hacks, but mine is intended to be very dark, where I actively find the darkest things about history and today, and compile them into one ROM Hack, and a new story. Here is an excerpt for a person event I made. Just as a note, I love the Pokemon series, it's my first favourite game, don't think I hate it or anything from what I've written. :) It is quite dark however (in my opinion, it involves dark torture to people/Pokemon.), if you don't wish to read, don't open the spoiler tag. If anyone does read it, is there any way I can improve upon the text? Thankyou.

Spoiler:
Hm? These containers? Oh, you must mean the containment cells… Yes… This is where we keep our test subjects. We first find them in the wild, beating them until near death, and preserve them! We then run tests on them, and study their anatomy, taking a body part here and there for personal study… I recommend you leave, young child, something bad might happen if you overstay… For sure… The protagonist notices in the shadow of the container an ape-like body… The protagonist looks closer to see a human face, carelessly stitched to a Simisear’s body.
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  1. Old Comment
    My writing, how can I improve?
    Posted October 15th, 2018 at 6:39 AM by hoangnganvy1993 hoangnganvy1993 is offline
 

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