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The Road to Redemption, Part Deux: In Which Shining Raichu Gives You Blue Balls

Posted September 28th, 2015 at 8:13 AM by Shining Raichu

Greetings, fellow travellers.

I’m going to start Part Two of my Road to Redemption series with a bit of a lament. You see, there’s no feeling worse – no frustration more pronounced - than writing something you’re really proud of, only to find out that it can never see the light of day.

I had this blog entry written exactly a week to the day after my last one. I wrote the draft, went over it and over it with a fine toothed comb, changing wordings and phrases to ones I thought would sound better until finally, I was happy with it. It’s not an easy process. It took several hours. But at last it was ready. I went into Firefox (the thinking man’s Internet Explorer) and started to change the format around to the way I like it. I was just about to hit send when the ghastly memory hit me in a St-Paul-on-road-to-Damascus-type blinding flash that PokeCommunity is, to its own detriment, a society that very much enjoys its censorship. It’s where I ran into a lot of trouble in my first tenure as a moderator, and it’s something that I’m going to have to work on when the magic of my words finally hits the higher staff and I’m allowed back into the clouds to rule over you once more.

I clicked around frantically, firing the finished piece off to a few friends who all confirmed my worst fear: though this piece of writing is fantastically crafted, it would definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY OH MY GOD DEFINITELY not be in my best interests to post it. Apparently what I said was so terrible that it must never be seen by mortal eyes or it would tear apart the fabric of society itself, and if there’s one thing society loves, it’s a good fabric.

Thankfully, the theme of this particular blog was restraint, and how I’ve grown into a man who knows how to think before he acts. Not posting the blog shows that more than any story contained within it ever could. This blog excerpt, which I’ve deemed appropriate enough for your delicate eyes, explains:

I’ve been thinking a lot since my last blog about the qualities the higher staff might look for in a moderator, or at least what I would look for in somebody I wanted to hire. After all, I have so many stories about how wonderful I’ve become but there’s no use telling the “Nice To Puppies” story or the “Gigantic Penis” story when what they’re actually looking for is “Dedication To The Community” or “Fine With Smaller Penises”. I decided that the story I chose for my first blog was good because it demonstrated that I’m not thirsting after power over people for the sake of having power over people. My next little tale will tackle a hot-button issue that I believe was a key player in my dismissal.


Oh sweet blog post, too pure for this world.

This is an act of deep sacrifice on my part, and I hope that goes noted by The Powers that Be. But on a happier note, while I can’t show you the writing itself, I can at least show you the positive reviews it got from the few people that I’ve shown:

That was AWESOME and a terrible shame it won't be seen by other eyes.
-- Barrels

YES, that would get you banned for all eternity, so please don't post it.
-- Barrels

oh my god
-- Antemortem

What kind of super infraction blog
-- God

Okay don’t even think about it, like I would delete your existence. No Andy, no. Psyducking no.”
-- shenanigans

One day I'll write a tell-all memoir and include the post as a free gift for those who pre-order at Barnes & Noble. Until then, my friends, it will continue to hurtle unseen through cyber space, shrieking into the void.

I'm sorry, my fellow travellers. I wish you a wonderful day, and thank you in advance for shopping at Barnes & Noble.

This blog post greatly appreciated but not sponsored by Barnes & Noble Pty Ltd.

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  1. Old Comment
    Nah's Avatar
    ngl, I'm curious as to what you originally were gonna post

    even if it would rip apart the fabric of the world
    Posted September 28th, 2015 at 11:47 AM by Nah Nah is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Nihilego's Avatar
    I stand by what I said there.
    Posted September 28th, 2015 at 1:32 PM by Nihilego Nihilego is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Ivysaur's Avatar
    Apparently the entry was reported twice so congrats!

    Posted September 29th, 2015 at 11:17 PM by Ivysaur Ivysaur is offline
  4. Old Comment
    curiousnathan's Avatar
    Posted September 30th, 2015 at 3:00 AM by curiousnathan curiousnathan is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Shining Raichu's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Ivysaur
    Apparently the entry was reported twice so congrats!

    Wait what? This blog? The Mildest Thing I've Ever Written was reported? Who reported it, Barnes & Noble?
    Posted September 30th, 2015 at 8:00 AM by Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Barrels's Avatar
    YAY I GOT QUOTED, like a real actual critic with a beret and a black turtleneck and breath of sparkling spearmint :D

    ...we all eagerly await Part Trois, mein freunde ;)

    oh **** wrong language
    Posted October 17th, 2015 at 6:29 AM by Barrels Barrels is offline