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Everyone Needs A Home

Posted July 1st, 2017 at 8:34 PM by Home

So, nobody here knows this, but I’ve just rented out my condominium unit which served as my home since January 2015. It’s the first place really where I felt really at home, where I felt really comfortable, where I really learned how to enjoy my solitude. I learned a lot of life lessons while I was living there; paying the bills, cooking a basic meal, grocery shopping, money budgeting, and all those things. For three years, whenever I go anywhere, I was confident that I had that 23 square feet of heaven where I can be totally at rest.

Now, I just acquired a job. If I’m going to live in the condominium unit, I will be paying all the bills I will be having there (since my parents basically pay for everything before) and I knew I would not be able to afford to live there. Also, my work is almost 2 to 2.5 hours away from the condominium so I opted to move out and move to a nearer boarding house. My parents decided to put up the condominium for rent. Two weeks ago, the new borders moved in and I was now forced to spend all my time in the boarding house near work.

And my depression suddenly seemed to rear its ugly head again.

The new house I was living in was not a home; it is just a place where I sleep in and leave the moment I wake up. The condominium unit was a home; I could stay there for hours and days and still be happy. It was a sanctuary and now it was no longer mine. So when anything bad happens, instead of going to the condo and being happy, I go to the boarding house and be sad. And that feeling of homelessness is taking its toll on me.

I’m not making sense, am I?

Let me rewind: lost a home, not a house. I am feeling sad because I don’t feel comfortable anywhere. I feel restless. I drift. I feel depressed.

And now, I’m not even on good terms with my housemates. There’s basically no more reason for me to stay here in this house but I have nowhere to go. I have nowhere I can feel at home.

I don’t have a place to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel comfortable.

I don’t think anyone could feel like this about a place but I do. All I want right now is a home.

And I’ve got none.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    smocks's Avatar
    I totally understand what you're saying.

    I've moved 4 times in these past 5 years and feeling out of your own element and skin isn't something I personally would never want to go through again. (One of the places I lived in was too cold for me which made me sick all the time and I was absolutely miserable)

    Honestly, there's nothing much you can do if the environment around you doesn't suit you sadly from my experience ): But you can definitely try adding something to your home or find something to help cope with the displacement in a way.

    Otherwise, I'm sending you all my love and strength. Hang in there! Remember, you're not going to live there forever anyways.
    Posted July 1st, 2017 at 9:14 PM by smocks smocks is offline
  2. Old Comment
    jombii's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by smocks View Comment
    I totally understand what you're saying.

    I've moved 4 times in these past 5 years and feeling out of your own element and skin isn't something I personally would never want to go through again. (One of the places I lived in was too cold for me which made me sick all the time and I was absolutely miserable)

    Honestly, there's nothing much you can do if the environment around you doesn't suit you sadly from my experience ): But you can definitely try adding something to your home or find something to help cope with the displacement in a way.

    Otherwise, I'm sending you all my love and strength. Hang in there! Remember, you're not going to live there forever anyways.
    thank you. I don't how to redecorate my new home to suit my style but I have no plans to do so anyway. I am thinking of resigning from work and getting a job nearer to my parents' residence. Unlike in America, living with parents' isn't as shameful as it is here in the Philippines. I just hope I get to feel that way again with another house.
    Posted July 1st, 2017 at 9:17 PM by jombii jombii is offline