Palamon
Silence is Purple
- 8,135
- Posts
- 15
- Years
- Age 27
- Snezhnaya, Teyvat.
- Seen today
Inb4 "Kory, shut the hell up."
It's not foreign to any of you, though. Just bare (screw grammar, it's 2am) with me a bit, I just need to vent a tad about paranoia. I'll avoid... going into super descriptive detail. "But, this is a Pokemon forum. Go get help or somethin'." 1.) I can't afford "help." 2.) No psychologist has ever helped me. 3.) I'm the only one who can help me.
...Anyway.
I should probably move this along, shouldn't I?
I'm...always... afraid. Of making new friends... afraid that people will just upfront pretend they're my friend, abandon me, be two-faced with me. I'm always afraid people are just pretending they like me. I guess it's justified, I've gone through this before. Many times, actually. When I was in grade school, a whole bunch of girls pretended to be my friend and just used that to bully me, and online, plenty of people did the same, except... different. Not "bully", but spread slight misinformation about me, (such as "I'm always causing trouble.) {This was a guy I told off for making me uncomfortable on another forum, in case anyone is oh so tickled curious}.
I'm even more scared.... to open up to anyone. What's the point of being close to anyone if people are just gonna abandon me anyway? It's really... really frightening. That's how my life has always been. I thought I could trust someone and open up to them, but they left me, or betrayed my trust. That's why I no longer hand out my trust to anyone, except one person.
I'm also always scared I'm gonna fuck up all my current friendships and be left alone. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'd feel the same if had a girlfriend. I'm not sure if anyone would be able to handle me, I'm a handful, with all due respect. I suppose, since I'm partially a hermit of some kind, it wouldn't be a total loss... but being friiendless isn't something anyone can handle.
Maybe I should try and focus on people that currently like me... I'm sure there are plenty of people. I have a good best friend (both online and offline), and...maybe... I was just hanging out w/shitty people online. It happens. We've all been there. Not everyone in the world is a nice person. There's bad people out there, and we all know. Even here, but I will NOT name names, and none of them are any of you, I assure you, they're people who can't access this blog.
I ask you to not say you feel "bad" for me. There's nothing to feel "bad" about. I still have plenty of time to figure myself out. Calm down, learn, etc. I just... take awhile. It took me years to change, it took some rude awakenings, but I'm getting there, believe me.
...I'll go away now.
Sorry for wasting everyone's time.
It's not foreign to any of you, though. Just bare (screw grammar, it's 2am) with me a bit, I just need to vent a tad about paranoia. I'll avoid... going into super descriptive detail. "But, this is a Pokemon forum. Go get help or somethin'." 1.) I can't afford "help." 2.) No psychologist has ever helped me. 3.) I'm the only one who can help me.
...Anyway.
I should probably move this along, shouldn't I?
I'm...always... afraid. Of making new friends... afraid that people will just upfront pretend they're my friend, abandon me, be two-faced with me. I'm always afraid people are just pretending they like me. I guess it's justified, I've gone through this before. Many times, actually. When I was in grade school, a whole bunch of girls pretended to be my friend and just used that to bully me, and online, plenty of people did the same, except... different. Not "bully", but spread slight misinformation about me, (such as "I'm always causing trouble.) {This was a guy I told off for making me uncomfortable on another forum, in case anyone is oh so tickled curious}.
I'm even more scared.... to open up to anyone. What's the point of being close to anyone if people are just gonna abandon me anyway? It's really... really frightening. That's how my life has always been. I thought I could trust someone and open up to them, but they left me, or betrayed my trust. That's why I no longer hand out my trust to anyone, except one person.
I'm also always scared I'm gonna fuck up all my current friendships and be left alone. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I'd feel the same if had a girlfriend. I'm not sure if anyone would be able to handle me, I'm a handful, with all due respect. I suppose, since I'm partially a hermit of some kind, it wouldn't be a total loss... but being friiendless isn't something anyone can handle.
Maybe I should try and focus on people that currently like me... I'm sure there are plenty of people. I have a good best friend (both online and offline), and...maybe... I was just hanging out w/shitty people online. It happens. We've all been there. Not everyone in the world is a nice person. There's bad people out there, and we all know. Even here, but I will NOT name names, and none of them are any of you, I assure you, they're people who can't access this blog.
I ask you to not say you feel "bad" for me. There's nothing to feel "bad" about. I still have plenty of time to figure myself out. Calm down, learn, etc. I just... take awhile. It took me years to change, it took some rude awakenings, but I'm getting there, believe me.
...I'll go away now.
Sorry for wasting everyone's time.
