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Chinese! Don't look at me like that

Posted October 14th, 2012 at 1:00 PM by droomph
Updated October 14th, 2012 at 8:33 PM by droomph (css)

Also known as: How the CSS blinded Nick

wether you like it or not


Mandarin is the official language of China, and is the most spoken language in the world (by head, mind you! Not by country :p)

Why learn Mandarin? It's an easy language to learn in actuality, and it will enable you to talk to many people in China, as most people have at least some sort of education in Mandarin. China's also rising in economic power, so there's an extra edge in the hiring market to be fluent in Chinese! (if you're annoyed at that point, don't worry. I am too :c)

Besides, it's a language. What's there not to learn?

And it's a juicy fruit. So you can speak Mandarin while eating a mandarin so you can mandarin while you Mandarin.

So anywho, let's get started, shall we~


Section 1 - Phonetics!

The stranger sounds

a - pronounced as "ah", as in the word "hall". When the syllable ends in a "n", it becomes a "short" a, similar to the word "cat". However, your lips are a bit more rounded than our "short" a sound.

b - Pretty similar to our "b" sound. However, it's a bit more "puffed out". It's technically a "p" sound without the exhalation, but you can get away with just pronouncing a "b". Also, a strange oddity is that when "o" is after "b", it turns into a "wo" sound, like in the word "war".

c - It's a "t", followed by an "s", like in the word "hats", just that it can occur at the beginning of the word. A major oddity is that when "c" is followed by an "i", instead of pronouncing the "i", you use "z" as the vowel instead.

ch - Our "ch" sound (as in the word "chain"). The craziest part about this whole thing is that, when followed by an "i", you pronounce a "j" (as in "jeté") sound instead for the vowel. This is one of the main reasons parents hate this phonetic system :P

e - In the more "redneck" parts of China, they'll pronounce this with a huuuuuge guttural thing before the word. It's very hard to do (much less understand how to do) if you're not born to do it, so in any case, most people just say it as a neutral vowel, such as in the word "America".

f - "F". Also, "o" also turns into "wo" when with an "f".

h - "H". In the more rural accents, they will usually make the "h" do I explain it? It sounds like someone gargling without water, to be very honest.

j - "J". At least, this one you actually pronounce the "i" as it is.

m - "M". Again, turns "o" into "wo".

p - Counterpart of "b". This time, you exhale completely.

q - "CH", but you actually pronounce the "i". It's also somewhat..."shallower", meaning you make the gap between your tongue and roof of your mouth smaller than you would "ch".

s - "s", but you don't pronounce the "i", rather a "z".

sh - "sh", but you don't pronounce the "i", rather a "j".

ü - "i" mouth and "oo" lips. Lots of times, it isn't marked with the "ü". Rule of thumb, if you pronounce "i" after a "ch" or "s" sound, chances are it's a ü. Also, yu is ü.


w - If "u" is in the beginning of the word, this takes its place.

x - "sh", but shallower, and you pronounce the "i".

y - If "i" is in the beginning of the word, this takes its place.

z - "dz", and you don't pronounce "i", rather nothing at all!

zh - "j", but a bit deeper, and you don't pronounce "i", rather a "r".

And that should cover it!


This is undoubtedly the hardest part of speaking Chinese, so hang in there! It's not so hard once you get the hang of it. Though there's nothing like actually hearing it, haha. Post your attempts if you're really confused, and I can help you!

Tone 1: Flat (¯)

Say a word, and then say it with a higher pitch. How much, just higher than your normal speaking voice (usually one or two semitones, if you're into figuring that out). Good, now keep it there while you finish speaking the syllable.

Tone 2: Rising (´)

Start with your normal pitch, then bring it up.

Tone 3: Dipping (ˇ)

Start below your normal pitch, then bring it a bit above your normal pitch, but not as much as you do with rising or flat.

Tone 4: Falling (`)

Start at Tone 1, then fall down to your normal pitch.

Tone 5: meh ( )

just speak like you normally would


The first vowel alphabetically (a, e, i, o, u, ü) gets the accent mark. For example, liáng, zuò, shuǎng. This isn't really that big of a deal if you get it wrong as you can tell by common sense, but it makes you look more ~professional~

That's all for now~ if you want more, just tell me.

If not, well...tell me! A simple "no more, I hate Chinese" will suffice~ :)

though i will weep
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  1. Old Comment
    Zet's Avatar
    I suppose now is a good time as ever time learn Chinese, before China takes over the world.
    Posted October 14th, 2012 at 5:28 PM by Zet Zet is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Sydian's Avatar
    Looks like my cousins Eden and Zoey are ahead of me then, seeing that they are Chinese. lol
    Posted October 14th, 2012 at 5:49 PM by Sydian Sydian is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Did you intentionally use a background that makes it impossible to read without getting an eyesore?
    Posted October 14th, 2012 at 7:37 PM by
  4. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar

    I was too lazy to make the text boxes.

    besides it's a lot better than neon at least.
    Posted October 14th, 2012 at 7:54 PM by droomph droomph is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Meganium's Avatar
    Your lesson is way better than Ni-hao Kai-lan imo.
    Posted October 14th, 2012 at 8:25 PM by Meganium Meganium is offline
  6. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    :D thank you \o/

    I tend to hate those "edu-tainment" shows so I just use my special method called not being boring :P

    ...take note, show writers
    Posted October 14th, 2012 at 8:32 PM by droomph droomph is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Josephine's Avatar
    I saw Grovyle's Little Diary and thought you were FG o_o'
    Posted October 15th, 2012 at 3:56 AM by Josephine Josephine is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Was cool, but I wouldn't be able to put words together in the way you'd speak them properly if you gave me "Romajified" Chinese.
    Posted October 15th, 2012 at 4:28 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  9. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    Counterfeit: your face.

    Kura: ...pls explain
    Posted October 15th, 2012 at 6:58 AM by droomph droomph is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    I could explain if you gave me a sentence or a couple words in chinese spelled out with English letters.. (not name-wise) but I can't explain without something to actually start off with.
    Posted October 15th, 2012 at 9:56 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  11. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    Alright then start off with this:

    hǎo be, gēng zhège kāishr (kāishi)

    explaiiiiiiiiiiin kura
    Posted October 15th, 2012 at 11:13 AM by droomph droomph is offline

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