Conversation Between Neo Emolga and Bardothren
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  1. Neo Emolga
    June 12th, 2015 8:41 PM
    Neo Emolga
    Thanks, I'll give that a shot. Honestly, I didn't think of using a picture as a reference, and seems like a pretty good idea.
  2. Bardothren
    June 12th, 2015 6:25 PM
    Hello. I looked over your review, and I think I need to restate what I said about neglecting Victory City's description. You're right - you did provide a description of adequate length to describe the city. The problem is, the description isn't to the point. From that description, I don't know what kinds of buildings are in the city (lots of skyscrapers, or shorter buildings?) what the streets are like, what kind of shops and restaurants are around, the nitty-gritty of a city. The description needs to have more emphasis on providing as many important details in a short span. My advice is to take images off the internet and focus on making as concise a description as possible without stripping any details, because at this point, your descriptive language is the weakest part of the storytelling.

    On the otherhand, I would argue that your characterization is your strong point - you have a solid grasp on how your characters would react to a given situation.