Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 15 of 19
-
June 3rd, 2015 9:05 PMBardothrenHmm... as for world-building, it's important to provide, at the very least, a quick summary of the character's location. This can often be done once - you can describe one pokecenter with a moderate attention to detail, and after that, just mention pieces of it in passing and describe one or two differences. The key is giving the reader enough sensory detail to visualize the setting. This includes all five senses, so it's important to keep every sense in mind - the big ones are sight, hearing, and smell.
It's not wise to use figurative language in world-building; it's often best reserved for the rare moment when inspiration strikes you. Figurative language adds emotional depth to physical details, but it only works well if used sparingly.
What you really want to keep in mind are colors - I find that they provide key sensory information for the price of a single word. All it takes is blue, green, gray, whatever color you want it to be, and it makes the object seem real.
I suppose another thing you might want to try, if you simply want to practice, is to find images off the internet and write descriptions of them. Focus on making them as brief as possible while retaining most of the sensory information and a fluid sentence structure. I do it once in a rare while when I feel in the mood. -
June 3rd, 2015 8:49 PMdiamondpearl876Ah, I guess I misunderstood. That's what happens when I try to reply when I'm falling asleep at my desk. Also, you've mentioned worldbuilding - any tips for that as well?
-
June 3rd, 2015 8:41 PMBardothrenIt's not about having flaws - it's about whether or not the character would have the volition to act on their own. More timid characters often need a Mr. Happen to get into the action.
-
June 3rd, 2015 6:41 PMdiamondpearl876Indeed. Love and Other Nightmares is pretty much experimental for me in every way, or at least, it's all out of my comfort zone. So I'll just keep writing and see what happens. :)
Nah, Annie doesn't quite need a Mr. Happen. I never quite have morally clean characters either - it's just not realistic, in my opinion, to have someone who's completely flawless, or even close to it. -
June 3rd, 2015 4:48 PMBardothrenYeah, I'd just go ahead and finish the whole thing. The best way to improve as a writer is to just write. Learn on the job. I've written a few novels, and they both disgust me now; my characterization was genuinely awful, my dialogue was flatter than a pancake, and I had zero control of tension. I did do good world-building, though, and that remains one of my stronger elements.
Another way for tension to occur is to have what's called a Mr. Happen. Should your character typically follow the straight and narrow, an unbalanced, impetuous friend can set them down a perilous path without breaking your characters. I don't tend to take this approach, since I almost never have morally clean characters, and from what I've read of Annie, she doesn't seem like the type of person to require a Mr. Happen. -
June 3rd, 2015 4:04 PMdiamondpearl876I've considered the time limit idea before, though I'm not sure what kind of time limit to use yet, or if I'll do something else entirely. It's certainly workable and wouldn't seem too far-fetched to introduce to an up-to-date reader, though.
Hmm. Changing the prologue to the extent you'd probably want me to change it would require a bigger rewrite than I'm willing to put in at this moment, but I did just get a few ideas, reading that. I do agree, so that rewrite will happen... someday... :P -
June 3rd, 2015 3:38 PMBardothrenAh, you came to the right person for tension - that's one of the few things I can do right. Tension can be built in many ways. Know why so many doomsday devices have a timer on them? A ticking clock builds tension. Give Annie a time limit - how long she has left to live before her body freezes, or how soon the next boat to Sinnoh leaves for the year, something that gives the protagonist a deadline.
Foreshadowing's also another tool. Give hints and clues about what comes next. If somebody's going to die, make sure you telegraph that death. Don't just have somebody get shot, show the person cleaning the gun, loading it, staking out the location.
The key to tension, though, is to make sure it rises and falls. The reader needs breaks once in a while, to make the tense moments feel even more so. Chapters spent lounging in a chair, chatting with their friends, makes a disaster the next day feel more calamitous.
And yes, I read the prologue. I don't think it was very smart of you to reveal all your cards at once like that - there's a fine balance between keeping your reader informed and keeping your reader wondering what comes next. You were a bit too heavy in the intro - perhaps you should keep Kyurem as a voice in her head for now, one that feels cold every time she hears it.
That's what I can tell you off the top of my head, and if I think of any other advice I can offer, I'll let you know. -
June 3rd, 2015 3:27 PMdiamondpearl876Noted. Also, I'm working on the first chapter (I just posted all your comments in the document near the quoted sections, and have put some general notes for ideas), and I guess the only thing I'm stuck on is how to build that tension. I'm not sure what there is for Annie to be tense about, so to speak, since the prologue is what was supposed to create the tension. Not sure if you read it or not, though? (You don't have to - just asking.)
-
June 3rd, 2015 3:20 PMBardothrenThere's no rush. If you feel in the mood, Through the Scope is my current project, but take whichever one you prefer.
-
June 3rd, 2015 2:57 PMdiamondpearl876Thanks again. If my shift overnight is pretty lax, I can probably return the review. Either fic you prefer?
-
June 3rd, 2015 5:47 AMBardothrenNo problem. I don't think I'll do much more for now, but I'll probably come back to give your story more reviews.
-
June 2nd, 2015 10:10 PMdiamondpearl876Hey, thanks so much for the review! First chapters are always the hardest, aren't they? :) I think you can see now why I wanted to edit the chapter, so I'll definitely take your comments into consideration.
-
June 2nd, 2015 12:00 PMdiamondpearl876No problem. I just put up the edited version of the prologue but that's as far as I've gotten.
-
June 1st, 2015 2:13 PMBardothrenI'll be sure to give Love and Other Nightmares a look then; either tonight or tomorrow I'll start.
-
June 1st, 2015 1:31 PMdiamondpearl876Noted. I'll be a bit busy this month with vacation and such, but I do return favors.
Whichever is fine. Love and Other Nightmares is an OT journey/chosen one fic that plays with cliches and is very emotional/psychologically demanding in terms of content. Flying in the Dark is an epistolary, slice-of-life fic filled with lots of worldbuilding, my own interpretations of certain pokemon concepts (such as why you have to catch the pokemon when it's conscious) and other such matters. If it matters, the former is in the process of edits and the latter has already thoroughly been beta-read.


