poke_fan21

Are you a beginner RPer as well? Im still trying to get my way around these forums

Another thing, please don't switch between first person and third person and try not to use future tense. It's confusing.

You're post in Gladiators is way to short. Please be sure to make your posts longer in the future.

Work on your post consistancy. You're getting better, but now you're using both past and present tense, as well as future tense. Please. Don't. Do that. Pick a tense and stick with it.

You need to stop making your posts so short. Notice how everyone else can make a good five or six sentence post out of something like the funeral, where as you can barely make one? I'm getting very annoyed, and I'm sure the others are too. Short posts are grounds for booting you, remember. You haven't made even one good sized post. I'll give you a few more chances, but you're stretching it.

It's looking better. There is still one thing you can improve and that's the grammar.

In roleplay people refer their characters in third person. That means instead of "I am around 5ft 5in tall." you would say "Rafael Obeng is around 5ft 5in tall."

I know it seems kind of trivial, but it honestly drives some people crazy.

Then there's the spelling and grammar. I have here a spellcheck addon that will work with either Chrome or Firefox which will allow you to easily check your spelling and grammar.

Here's the Chrome version

Here's the Firefox version

If you install that addon you'll see a green checkmark with the letters ABC to the lower right of your posting boxs. If you click said checkmark it'll scan your post for any errors. With the exception of names it's pretty accurate.

If you simply run that over your SU and let it fix everything that isn't a name after you've switched to third person you should be good to go.

Sorry about asking you to do all this.

I've replied in the OOC thread to the SU. It needs some tweaking to be accepted, but if you're willing to work on it we can work on getting you in.

Okie day. Just gimme a bit to discuss it with the other GM

Yes please c:

Yes there are. There are currently spots available in Suicune Dorm and Raikou Dorm.

You made another one liner....

Well, that post was better. And I like that you stuck to one POV (point of view) instead of switching between first and third. But, you still need a little bit of work. First would be the pacing of your sentences. They are all very rushe and scrunched together. Whenever someone speaks, it would be best to skip a line. That way this:

Van snarled at the Purloin. "Give that cash back you thief!" he yelled as Silva blasted a Dark Pulse at Vor, simply because he was being stupid. "Got you!" she cried. She smiled happily at Vor, who looked at her with a confused expression on his face.

Turn's into this:

Van snarled at the Purloin.

"Give that cash back you thief!" he yelled as Silva blasted a Dark Pulse at Vor, simply because he was being stupid.

"Got you!" she cried. She smiled happily at Vor, who looked at her with a confused expression on his face.

See the difference? It's just easier to read, and it looks better on the page. Also, try to add more detail. Talk about how things look, feel, sound, and smell, if those are all applicable. That way you can turn this:

Van watched the pretty sunset with Silva. He smiled at Silva.

Into this:

Van gazed out into the sunset. The different hues and colors made him feel simply alive, and very glad to be here. But for all it's beauty, it was nothing compared to the vixen beside him. He turned and looked deep into her eyes as a warm smile crossed his face.

See the difference? It makes things a lot longer for you. And please seperate your OOC parts of the post the same way you would dialoge. And try to keep it at the top or bottom of the post, which you did very well. In all though, try to keep OOC things out of your post unless you have to say it. And always remember to keep OOC parts properly marked. Most RPers do it like this:

(OOC: Blah blah blah.)

Relevent plot related post here.

Ok? Hope that helps! And that last post was far better than the one before it. Oh yeah, and last but not least, instead of saying something like this.

"Hey Van, what happened here?" Vor asked. Van turned and filled him in on what had happened to him after entering the dungeon.

Try this:

"Hey Van, what happened here?" Vor asked. Van turned and gave him a tired look before answering.

"Well, Silva and I were trapped in a Monster House when we got to this floor. They were no match for us, but Silva got hurt. So, I'm trying to find her an Oran Berry," Van said to his friend.

Do you get it? If the character is an NPC, go ahead and write dialoge for them. Unless it's in the rules, which if it is then you shouldn't be writing a response at all, just your ownb character's stuff. The point is, try to spend a little time on a post, and most importantly be creative. Hope that helps, and sorry if it sounds like I'm getting onto your case. :D

I understand that it's hard to make a reply post, but seriously? A one liner. Add some detail about Vor's arrival. Also, Rafael doesn't know his name and, well, it's a one liner. That is a no no in the RP rules, which you should probably look through. Read previous posts and maybe some from other RP's. Too many short posts is grounds for kicking someone out.

Sorry if it seems like I'm being hard on you, but this is my first RP that has made it past page one, and I want it to do well.

No problem. Just remember that there is a four line minimum for posts in RPs. Any less and you're liable to have them deleted. And also remember that the posts look longer than they really are in the reply box. Keep that all in mind and you'll be well on your way to becoming a better RPer. :D

Um... I just read your latest post in PMD: Legend Rescue Team. Please try to make the posts longer than a few sentences. Also, please try to use proper grammar and sentence structure. It just makes everything a lot easier to read. :)

You need to work on consistancy in your posts. You're using both third and first person views, as well as speaking in the present tense. It is very hard to read things like that. Choose one point of view, and please use past tense. If you are utterly confused by what I'm saying, just read some of the other posts.

Just stay active, please. And no one liners.

Yes. Make a post about getting to the guild and Luna giving you a tour. You will be Megamans partner. You will have to make Rafael wait until megaman posts Vor going back to the guild.

You are now a member in PMD: Legend Rescue team. You will be partners with Vor the elgyem, AKA Megaman.

Accepted in PMD if Crebirk doesn't post in the next 24 hours