diamondpearl876's Profile Picture


you can breathe now. x

Visitor Messages

1 to 15 of 728
  1. Coffee
    April 2nd, 2017 10:49 AM
    Happy Birthday! :D
  2. Vagrant Pixels
    June 29th, 2016 2:21 AM
    Vagrant Pixels
    Hello there.

    I've been reading Love and Other Nightmares, from a fresh perspective. I haven't read the old one, and I also haven't played BW2, though I know what the setting is due to BW, which I have played.

    I am seeing that your story is heavily centred in absolute creator gods, something that my one and only fan story also emphasises, pardon the pun. So as I started to read, I realised plenty of things. Big-Bang massive existential plot holes specifically. So I took the writing and dissected it thoroughly. Adding plenty of detailed observations and impressions here and there, mostly to help myself. But also, I later realised how it could help the actual writer behind it.
    Want to see?

    I could post the thing, and I was about to. Midway, I began to aim it as a forum post. But now I realised that my observations may have gone a little bit too much on detail, and it's reasoning could either spoil or over-inform readers as to where the story might be heading, because of all the godly speculation.

    Though, to be perfectly honest, fixing these plot holes has the potential to flip the story upside down and have it's ending rush towards entirely different and unexpected resolutions.

    So, it's up to you really. Should I post, or should I send it privately?

    I'm off to Chapter 2 now. To see how my observations change because of it.
  3. txteclipse
    June 30th, 2015 11:59 AM
    Just finished letters one and two of Flying in the Dark; I'll post here until I catch up so as to avoid cluttering your thread. I like the voice you've developed via the letters: they present a unique perspective not often found in writing, that of one person talking at length. Conversations in-person tend to be brief and guarded, while descriptions told in third-person stories tend to be somewhat sanitized: the letters add a strong element of personality while still going into enough depth to give the reader a clear picture. Kudos for that! I'll contribute more once I've read more.
  4. Kotone
    June 25th, 2015 8:49 AM
    happy anniversary
  5. CJoE
    June 25th, 2015 12:47 AM
    Happy Anniversary!
  6. Rukario
    June 24th, 2015 10:48 PM
    Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary!
  7. Delirious Absol
    June 5th, 2015 12:59 AM
    Delirious Absol
    I posted a review on Flying in the Dark :) I really enjoyed reading it too! If you'd like to review my fanfic that would be fantastic, but there's no rush. It is currently 7 chapters long on here and I'm updating daily until I reach chapter 10. As and when is fine :)
  8. Delirious Absol
    June 3rd, 2015 11:05 PM
    Delirious Absol
    Hi Diamondpearl876 =) I'd be very happy to read and review Flying in the Dark. I'll have a look at it this evening.
  9. Bardothren
    June 3rd, 2015 9:05 PM
    Hmm... as for world-building, it's important to provide, at the very least, a quick summary of the character's location. This can often be done once - you can describe one pokecenter with a moderate attention to detail, and after that, just mention pieces of it in passing and describe one or two differences. The key is giving the reader enough sensory detail to visualize the setting. This includes all five senses, so it's important to keep every sense in mind - the big ones are sight, hearing, and smell.

    It's not wise to use figurative language in world-building; it's often best reserved for the rare moment when inspiration strikes you. Figurative language adds emotional depth to physical details, but it only works well if used sparingly.

    What you really want to keep in mind are colors - I find that they provide key sensory information for the price of a single word. All it takes is blue, green, gray, whatever color you want it to be, and it makes the object seem real.

    I suppose another thing you might want to try, if you simply want to practice, is to find images off the internet and write descriptions of them. Focus on making them as brief as possible while retaining most of the sensory information and a fluid sentence structure. I do it once in a rare while when I feel in the mood.
  10. Bardothren
    June 3rd, 2015 8:41 PM
    It's not about having flaws - it's about whether or not the character would have the volition to act on their own. More timid characters often need a Mr. Happen to get into the action.
  11. Bardothren
    June 3rd, 2015 4:48 PM
    Yeah, I'd just go ahead and finish the whole thing. The best way to improve as a writer is to just write. Learn on the job. I've written a few novels, and they both disgust me now; my characterization was genuinely awful, my dialogue was flatter than a pancake, and I had zero control of tension. I did do good world-building, though, and that remains one of my stronger elements.

    Another way for tension to occur is to have what's called a Mr. Happen. Should your character typically follow the straight and narrow, an unbalanced, impetuous friend can set them down a perilous path without breaking your characters. I don't tend to take this approach, since I almost never have morally clean characters, and from what I've read of Annie, she doesn't seem like the type of person to require a Mr. Happen.
  12. Bardothren
    June 3rd, 2015 3:38 PM
    Ah, you came to the right person for tension - that's one of the few things I can do right. Tension can be built in many ways. Know why so many doomsday devices have a timer on them? A ticking clock builds tension. Give Annie a time limit - how long she has left to live before her body freezes, or how soon the next boat to Sinnoh leaves for the year, something that gives the protagonist a deadline.

    Foreshadowing's also another tool. Give hints and clues about what comes next. If somebody's going to die, make sure you telegraph that death. Don't just have somebody get shot, show the person cleaning the gun, loading it, staking out the location.

    The key to tension, though, is to make sure it rises and falls. The reader needs breaks once in a while, to make the tense moments feel even more so. Chapters spent lounging in a chair, chatting with their friends, makes a disaster the next day feel more calamitous.

    And yes, I read the prologue. I don't think it was very smart of you to reveal all your cards at once like that - there's a fine balance between keeping your reader informed and keeping your reader wondering what comes next. You were a bit too heavy in the intro - perhaps you should keep Kyurem as a voice in her head for now, one that feels cold every time she hears it.

    That's what I can tell you off the top of my head, and if I think of any other advice I can offer, I'll let you know.
  13. Bardothren
    June 3rd, 2015 3:20 PM
    There's no rush. If you feel in the mood, Through the Scope is my current project, but take whichever one you prefer.
  14. DracoLatch
    June 3rd, 2015 1:17 PM
    Hello, Diamond! I'm fairly new at fanfics, and I've recently started a fanfic that isn't just writing, but actually a manga fanfic in itself! I'vent got much done, but I would love it if you could drop by and leave a review or whatnot. Thanks!
  15. Bardothren
    June 3rd, 2015 5:47 AM
    No problem. I don't think I'll do much more for now, but I'll probably come back to give your story more reviews.

About Me

  • About diamondpearl876
    Writing, reading, music, video games, bowling, photography.
    Favorite Pokémon
    Weavile, Dragonair, Cyndaquil, Articuno, Banette, Hitmontop, Nuzleaf, Ho-oh, Lucario, Chinchou, Ampharos, Venomoth, Cherrim.


Total Posts
Activity by Forum
Visitor Messages
General Information
  • Last Activity: January 25th, 2022 1:21 PM
  • Join Date: June 25th, 2007
  • Referrals: 0




You've kept the same pair for over a year. The worst is now over! Wait... wasn't this just supposed to be for fun?
Awarded: October 20th, 2009 1:46 PM