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Bardothren

Muddling along somehow

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421 to 435 of 574
  1. DforDragoz
    July 10th, 2015 9:45 PM
    DforDragoz
    Sure! Give me time though, I'll most likely post the review tomorrow.
  2. Omicron
    July 10th, 2015 7:21 PM
    Omicron
    I can't reveal it right now. :(
  3. Omicron
    July 10th, 2015 7:10 PM
    Omicron
    You still won, as an independent faction, btw.
  4. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 1:57 PM
    Somewhere_
    So a metaphor, not simile then. And what about the things about missing my mom?

    Ok, Ill revise the fish out of water and deer shot in the lungs.
  5. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 12:10 PM
    Somewhere_
    For example: "I miss playing amidst the colorful flowers outside in the fields with her"
  6. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 12:09 PM
    Somewhere_
    Then I will focus more on the poem, and adding literary devices later to spice it up I guess. I think I am doing that now actually lol.

    These are the added similes for the mother dying:

    And now I watch her final breaths, her beautiful breaths
    Watching her scream, like a deer shot in the lungs
    Watching her squirm, like a fish out of water
    Watching her weep, like unending river flooding the world
    Watching her as she is bitten, like a dog chewing on a bone

    I think the fish might be a little cliche, but I dont know for sure.

    Also for the second stanza listing my regrets, should I instead list what I miss about her? And paint a picture of the beautiful fields we see at the beginning of the episode, the marketplace, and other places within the walls to give the reader an image of what the world looks like?
  7. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 11:55 AM
    Somewhere_
    I see. You should have just said you were fashionably late. :P

    The thing is the whole poem is full of repetition, almost like a pattern. I dont want to ditch the main composition of the poem, unless the repetition is horrible.

    I see what you are saying, Ill try and come up with something more original. Thanks so much for the help and I may have a few more questions later.
  8. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 11:38 AM
    Somewhere_
    Thats super cool! Why would you get in trouble for that haha? But, it was like a blessing in disguise I guess.

    How long was your first novel?

    Also, here is my recent change in my AoT poem:

    The giant smile on its face shows pleasure
    As it stomps around on mangle bodies
    As it rips us to shreds, spilling our blood
    As it crushes our bodies within its monstrous hands
    As it licks our fresh blood from his blood-stained lips

    Should I change the repetition in the poem? How would I make it so its not so magical and heavy-handed? I am also thinking of changing the second stanza to what I miss about her (with images of course). You said I should change the part where she squirms and gets eaten. Is it not vivid enough or something? I think I can add some similes in that stanza as well, like "Watching her squirm, like a pig in the slaughterhouse."
  9. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 11:17 AM
    Somewhere_
    I use crunchy roll. If it isn't on there, ill check out the other website.

    So how did you get into writing fan fictions?
  10. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 8:53 AM
    Somewhere_
    How did you watch it?
  11. Sike_Saner
    July 10th, 2015 8:33 AM
    Sike_Saner
    Such is the magic of sandwiches.
  12. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 8:22 AM
    Somewhere_
    That sounds really interesting! Is it on crunchy roll or anything? How do the people die? I have so many questions, so I guess I should just watch it instead haha.
  13. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 7:51 AM
    Somewhere_
    Actually, not very many. Sheep has gotten me into anime these past couple of weeks. I am currently watching Fate/Zero and have plans to also watch Fate/Stay Night after finishing. I am also re-watching Attack on Titan with my mom.

    I like the name Death Note. What is that about?
  14. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 7:26 AM
    Somewhere_
    Ok, Ill change them. I see what you are saying and thats a great idea!

    Attack on Titan was very moving! I am watching it for the second time and I still get the feels lol. Heck, even my mom loves it haha.
  15. Somewhere_
    July 10th, 2015 7:07 AM
    Somewhere_
    Ok, so what parts should I replace for the more visceral experience, other than the pleasure and legacy parts.

    Ill find the time haha. Maybe I can read like a couple chapters a night or something.

About Me

  • About Bardothren
    Biography
    Let's see... stuff and things, I guess.
    Interests
    Spare time? What spare time?

    (Videogames, anime, writing)
    Location
    In my room
    Gender
    Male ♂
    Nature
    Quiet
    Go Team
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    I really need to change this signature, but I'm too lazy.

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  • Last Activity: January 3rd, 2020 11:07 AM
  • Join Date: November 26th, 2014
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Blog

Latest Blog Entry

Posted January 5th, 2018 at 9:51 AM by Bardothren Comments 0
Posted inUncategorized
Hello everyone, first blog post out of me for 2018. I have recently finished Juuni Taisen, an anime about twelve warriors of the zodiac in a free-for-all to the death for one rules-free wish. I enjoyed it enough to see it through to the end, but after a few episodes, I noticed numerous glaring flaws with its storytelling. This won't be covering animation or voice acting, just the show's story.

A typical Juuni Taisen episode goes something like this:

Step 1: show...

Posted November 15th, 2017 at 5:44 PM by Bardothren Comments 0
Posted inUncategorized
Holy cow, it's been over a year since I touched this thing. Time flies. Anyways, I had a conversation with myself, which is extremely sad, about how in the Pokemon anime, every reaction to food is either complete bliss or complete disgust, with no middle ground or variation on those two types of reactions. So, instead of leaving that as a sad conversation with myself because I'm a complete loner, I decided to turn that into consolidating my thoughts for a forum post.

So, here I...

Posted October 23rd, 2016 at 4:36 PM by Bardothren Comments 2
Posted inWriting Advice
Huh, this thing still exists? Well, might as well make a random post in it since I feel in the mood. As far as a quick update on my life goes, not much has changed. I still have my job as a QA tech and I'm starting to build up some savings for the day I move out of my parents' house.

And I suppose it's only fitting, in Halloween spirit, to talk about the spookiest phenomenon on the planet.

Death


When it comes to making your audience care about the characters...

Posted August 2nd, 2016 at 3:56 PM by Bardothren Comments 0
Wow... it's been four months since I posted here, and to be completely honest, I'm not surprised. I had a feeling I'd go missing one of these days, and I was running out of things to talk about. So... here I am.

Time for some updates. If you're one of the ten (maybe?) people who actually remember my stories, then you're probably wondering what happened to my latest project, Bird Made of Ice. Well, it's cancelled for now.

Allow me to explain: I had a very hard time...

Posted April 1st, 2016 at 6:32 PM by Bardothren Comments 0
Posted inUncategorized
Hello there! First off, no, I'm not dead, thanks for caring >:( Second off, wow, viewership took a nosedive in March... not entirely sure to make of that considering my second post hit over two thousand views. Third, no, this is not an April Fools prank, although I was considering it.

As for a brief run-through of the last three weeks of my life, all I did over spring break was eat, sleep, and play Starcraft on the N64 emulation on my computer... which is extremely bizarre when...
Recent Comments
Naotak isn't the earth-bender,...
Posted October 24th, 2016 at 12:34 AM by Bardothren Bardothren is offline
"Take, for example,...
Posted October 23rd, 2016 at 6:41 PM by 0 0 is offline
I only regret the disappointment
...
Posted February 27th, 2016 at 2:32 AM by Salzorrah Salzorrah is offline
Hey Bard, this is really...
Posted February 21st, 2016 at 7:30 AM by Sopheria Sopheria is offline
THATS WHAT I THOUGHT
...
Posted January 22nd, 2016 at 7:13 AM by Bardothren Bardothren is offline

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Date of Birth
July 6, 1994 (28)
Join Date
November 26th, 2014
Total Posts
8,645
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