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[Pokémon] Challenger: Return to Kanto. A highly fictionalised Nuzlocke Novel! *Complete*

65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
challenger-2.jpg

War rages between Kanto and Johto with Team Rocket and their leader Giovanni secretly holding the former region within their corrupt and oppressive grasp. The common people see the criminal mastermind as a heroic saviour but two minor factions in Kanto know the truth. The Rocket Resistance led by Erik, Leaf, Blue and Wally must form an alliance with the mysterious 'Servants' as they vie to expose and overthrow Giovanni's tyrannical rule knowing that certain defeat and failure awaits them.

Challenger is a highly fictionalised novel of my nuzlocke run through Pokemon: FireRed featuring a whole new story, many new characters and events. Every Pokemon that died in my run will die at around the same point in the story but not necessarily in the same battle as many trainer fights have been cut to give the narrative more focus.

The goal of Return to Kanto is to be a Pokemon story which is darker, grittier and grounded in reality. I shall post one or two chapters every week (apart from one in October) and follow a strict schedule to ensure the novel is fully posted before Christmas, the Chapter titles and dates for released are shown below:

Chapter One – Rocket Resistance (RELEASED)
Chapter Two – Announcement (RELEASED)
Chapter Three – A New Leaf (RELEASED)
Chapter Four – Metal Monster (RELEASED)
Chapter Five – Identity (RELEASED)
Chapter Six – Expedition (RELEASED)
Chapter Seven – Bill's Fortress (RELEASED)
Chapter Eight – Rescue (RELEASED)
Chapter Nine – Silver and Stone (RELEASED)
Chapter Ten – The Incident (RELEASED)
Chapter Eleven – Negotiation (RELEASED)
Chapter Twelve – Survivors (RELEASED)
Chapter Thirteen – The Heiko Alliance (RELEASED)
Chapter Fourteen – All Out War (RELEASED)
Chapter Fifteen – Past and Present (RELEASED)
Chapter Sixteen – The Last Angel (RELEASED)
Chapter Seventeen – Where It All Began (RELEASED)
Chapter Eighteen – Tamer (RELEASED)
Chapter Nineteen – Fate (RELEASED)
Chapter Twenty – Sacrifice (RELEASED)
 
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65
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9
Years
  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter One - Rocket Resistance

Spoiler:
 

Bay

6,382
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17
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Hey, nice to see you back! This time you didn't waste anytime getting the action started. Nice to see Erik, Wally, and Leaf again along with Blue joining in the group. Interesting backstory you have of Leaf/Cecilia there. I think you got Blue and Wally's behavoir fine here, don't see much contradictions with their characterization.

I remember the stuff with Erik's father, May, and Blaze, and looks like he's still not letting go any of those stuff. Concerning the battle with Silver, three against one with Erik armed only Charmander? Man, unfair. At least Blue got Inferno's pokeball there.

Don't know where you'll take this story just yet, but this is a much more exciting beginning than when you first started haha. You're progressing along nicely!
 

MyFavoriteWordisRollerBlade

CrystalLip (on fanfiction.net)
28
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6
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  • Age 25
  • Seen Nov 14, 2017
I haven't read what I believe predates this story, but I do like what you have going on. Your writing is very on point and the excellent exposition and dialogue lets me see-very clearly-what is going on when it comes to the scenery and action. It really sets the tension and mood, too. There are some interesting choices in character behavior, but, again, I'm pretty sure this isn't the first in your series and so I'm definitely missing something.

You have something really cool here and once I catch up with the series I'll be very excited to read the future installments.
 
65
Posts
9
Years
  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
I haven't read what I believe predates this story, but I do like what you have going on. Your writing is very on point and the excellent exposition and dialogue lets me see-very clearly-what is going on when it comes to the scenery and action. It really sets the tension and mood, too. There are some interesting choices in character behavior, but, again, I'm pretty sure this isn't the first in your series and so I'm definitely missing something.

You have something really cool here and once I catch up with the series I'll be very excited to read the future installments.

Thank you so much! Always good to hear nice words said about my writing it means a lot. There is only one previous book in the series and its a long one but I've tried to make "Return to Kanto" as 'standalone' as possible so hopefully you should be able to follow what's going on without reading the first book.

Thank you again and glad you liked the chapter!
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Two - Announcement

Spoiler:
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Three - A New Leaf


Spoiler:
 

Bay

6,382
Posts
17
Years
So for chapter 2, I noticed you referenced Silver having some burns on his face and his throat aching. I take it it's Giovanni's doing? I admit it's kinda "try hard dark edgy" way to go about their relationship, but that's probably me. Looks like this battle arrangement is a little different than the one from Hoenn with now sections/zones taking into consideration.

While the main battle Leaf had in chapter 3 did get a bit cliche with the "trainer bond" references, it's still enjoyable overall. Fang is closest to being doomed, ouch. Wally was also close to being eliminated there, I wonder what Ethan and the Servants's role will be in the story.

If you need more chapters to be looked over, let me know and I'll try to look over them in weekends at least!
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Four - Metal Monster​

Spoiler:
 
65
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Five - Identity

Spoiler:
 

Bay

6,382
Posts
17
Years
Ok, since I've looked through them already I'll briefly mention a couple thoughts on the last couple chapters. With Ch 4, I kinda feel mechas feel a bit out of place in something with darker tones like nuzlockes, but I guess that's one way to make things interesting. Poor Rex bitting the dust there. I thought Dino's fate would the same too, but glad he's ok there.

Next chapter I'm kinda mixed over Leaf's flashback with her mother. Only thing is I hope you'll have Leaf's mother be referenced again or her making an appearance since there's a reason you have her reflect that. The scenes with Wally and the servants, my first impressions are I'm kind suspicious of them and unsure they're going the right way with their goals here, but guess we'll see as the story unfolds. I enjoyed Brock and Leaf's battle there, interesting you have Brock confess he was willing to surrender for a second there.
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Six - Expedition

Spoiler:
 

Bay

6,382
Posts
17
Years
I admit, while I admire Beak's bravery to sacrifice herself there, I don't feel much emotions on her loss mainly because she only got a couple moments of screentime. Not your fault though as Nuzlockes can be unfair in that regard. Fang's lost I feel more sad due to getting to know him a bit more and him still shaken from Rex's lost.

I admit to not seeing that twist that the Pokemon in Mt Moon aren't Team Rocket's. Probably I missed it, I guess Team Rocket are being careful not to make their appearances as discreet (grunts wearing the red R) and hence why Leaf jumped into conclusions there.
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Seven - Bill's Fortress​


Spoiler:
 

Bay

6,382
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17
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Oh, Jab's dimise there is the most brutal with the other Pokemon mauling it. Bill's appearance, meanwhile, not a good first impression there (though him having a fortress is kinda cool there). If that's going to be his only appearance, you could have worked better with him. So Erik is in SS Anne, huh? Something tells me a lot of things will happen there.
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
To clarify why I chose to characterise Bill the way I have done - This story is intended to be more grounded and realistic. So in the Pokemon games everyone excluding the "bad guys" are super friendly and happy to see you (even in you break into their house and start stealing their stuff!). But thinking of these characters in a "more realistic" world, I thought of Bill as more of a recluse who dislikes the company of others, a sort of hermit character so wanted to make him act as such.

I know not everyone will agree or even like some of the changes I make and that's fine but I just wanted to create something a bit different. Hope you're enjoying the rest of the story anyway!
 
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65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Eight - Rescue


Spoiler:
 
65
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9
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  • Seen Sep 28, 2023
Chapter Nine - Silver and Stone

Spoiler:
 

Bay

6,382
Posts
17
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For "Rescue," a lot of stuff happened here. I see you changed the part with Wally's Pikachu drowning and I think it works. With Leaf's two losses, I appreciate you adding a bit more over her loss of Moon, but I think Fury's end is better there with a lot of it has to do with Fury being around longer.

Next chapter, got a bit confused as to how Leaf figured out how to find Steven Stone, though, but I think it has to do with some of the phone calls (that are not Silver) she got from past chapters. I think my favorite part of the battle is Snake able to hold off on his own for a while, and it seems like Steven is an ally of sorts now. Apparently though the megastones will come back to play a part here.
 
65
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Chapter Ten - The Incident

Spoiler:
 
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