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I'm happy to do full analysis of any fic but it takes a long time so I'll move through any requests quite slowly, one chapter at a time for multi-chapter fics... PM me if you want me to do it. Neko, I'm working on the first chapter of HMW atm, hope you don't mind nitpicky grammatical analysis~
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EDIT: I couldn't help it. This is probably gonna be the last chapter I post here, but I had to post it anyway. Chapter's 5 & 6 of my fic were amongst my favorites. If you haven't been reading it so far, just pick up there. There's a quote in my sig. Depending on the level of interest after this chapter, I will/will not continue to post. Well, cya! |
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You've gotta be patient with reviews~ I posted about 5 of my fics on Serebii and none of them got any reviews, the threads just got pruned... but you can't just give up after one go. Keep writing and eventually you'll get reviewed~
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Jedi_Amara: If you were talking to me when you said you'd be happy to review any fic, then I must tell you something: I do not intend to have someone reveiw my fic just because they were asked to do so and have no real interest in it, that is until I get round to fixing up the more major mistakes in my fic chapters.
Thanks for the offer, but you just have to look at the review I got from Frostweaver to see why it isn't a good idea to waste your time on it till it's fixed up a bit… unless of course you are able to see the good things about a fic past grammar and spelling mistakes. |
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And yes, it'll involve a lot of meowing. Those who talk to me on AIM/AOL shouldn't have any problems with it. Others... well, I won't promise that you won't get sick from the somewhat insane cuteness. :P |
Hey, I have two Fanfics. Can someone read them and comment them. I know they have gammer and spelling problems but anyways still look at them. There story plots are good, I guess.
One of them is called Ojos(Eyes). This is my newest one. It about a pokemon Psyhic and she going uncover a big thing but rigth now I am leading up to that. The other one is The Vulpix Girl. It about a vulpix who was turn in to a human girl. Now she trying to find out how turn back into a vulpix. Please read and comment my Fanfics |
Re: FanFiction Lounge
I've started a fanfic called "Pokemon: The Chronicles".
Team Rocket's leader, Giovanni, has decided to enslave the Legendary Birds, Mew, and a newly discovered Pokemon, Milo, the pre-evolution stage of Mew to help him conquer the world. Will Ken be able to defend the Legendary Pokemon and his title as Pokemon Master? |
@ Worlds Away
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-chapter one got so many chances to be expanded on, especially on the feelings of the new world Jack is in. Right now it's a bit... feeling rushed? -now throughout both chapter one and chapter two, there's plenty of places that deserve more story breaks (or the "* * * "s that you used)... it's not very easy to understand what happened at times, and it'll help greatly if you insert them more often at the appropriate places -i'm not sure about the robot being mistaken as a Pokemon from the sound of things... narrator when speaking in the perspective of both TR and Ash's party talked of it as a "robot" yet the party think of it as a new Pokemon? o_O; -don't use midi files as they're disgusting =D wav or mp3 or just something else but midi -physics notes: the leg bending part will actually increase the damage received, but it forces Onix to take recoil damage because now you got negative velocity from RAA. So that really doesn't neglect the damage but actually amplify it at the cost of Onix doing recoil damage. (not related to the quality of fanfics, of course, but just want to point that out) -not so realistic at all that Ash is rather "ok" when they left to chase the poachers and then talked about Caterpie... Pikachu is still with Team Rocket o.o; OOC for Ash there -now I did listen to the music... and while they can be helpful, that doesn't mean you can ignore the tension and mood created by words. Sounds can assist you, but keep in mind that this is a *fanfic* meaning, it relies on words. -the chapter titles can also use a bit of work... especially the ch.4 one. Titles really try to be compact, and not be lengthy -right now the story is kind of plain... this idea has been done quite a few times already (but like Breezy said, no gameboys so yay). Still lacking in details in various parts, but details are generally ok. However, nothing is really outstanding... it's just plot followed by plot. Try to work on the more advanced parts of writing, such as trying to include various devices in order to strengthen your story. Good Points -scientific tone of 2345b Focuses to Improve On -character development of all other character pretty much (especially tone... they can be so OOC at times) -insert more story breaks to help with readability -insert more details To improve your battle scene sequence, i'll strongly suggest you to read over the part of Iveechan's story regarding the Pokemon tournament... Hitmonchan vs. Poliwrath had an awesome battle scene which makes any other Pokemon writer worth envying about. Title: 4/5 Grammar Basics: 9/10 Coherence/Readability: 9/10 Characterization: 14/20 Story Structure: 8/15 Tone/Atmosphere: 9/15 Diction: 14/20 Effort/Originality: 12/15 Lit. Device bonus: +0 Total: 75 |
Thank you for the review! I will definitely take this into account. I will try to improve upon subsequent chapters and maybe revise the chapters a bit. Thanks for the input.
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Goody, Fwosty dear is back to reviewing~
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"Pulling your legs upward" and "an upward jump" has quite a bit of differences... lol |
Should I continue my story? I need help deciding! Sure, I said it was a one-shot, but I'm rethinking if it should be... I'm afraid the sequal won't be as good...
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I've had another idea for a story, but not sure if one is already enough. o.0
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I'm gonna take a little break from fan fiction due to some recent happenings. See you guys soon.
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>Hmm.... is it a good idea to write a fic based on an prg you are playing? Since hte plaot is there and everything!
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well... isn't that the definition of a fanfic- to write a fic based on something else? lol
Of course you can... that is what writing a fanfic is all about to begin with. |
Not entirely based on, though, right? >_> As in copying the *exact* format of Pokemon. [May finds Prof. Birch surrounded by Poochyenas, Mudkip uses water gun, meets Ash, etc etc]
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Chapter 7 of Destiny of Understanding is up, critism will be apriated so as to improve it when I get round to it.
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Lily dear, that's not "based on", that's "ripoff" XD
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Unoriginal plots=BAAAD!
*shudders* I know some fics that are based off of Ruby Saphire plots are really good (like Legends of Hoeen) but most turn out to be horrible and unoriginal. If you want to do one make sure to give it lots of plot twists I posted a new fanfic called Wanzewald Pokemon Contest which is a parody of the pokemon anime. Hopefully itll get more reviews then Whirl Island Quest |
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However, there's plenty of "game-plot" fanfics that are good... I'm not as worried about this type of fanfic in comparison to... *drumroll* "Oh Ash let's go to ________ region! There's a new Pokemon tournament there" The OT/New region fanfics >>; Somehow usually fanfics that use Brendan/Yuuki turns out pretty original, as if Brendan/Yuuki is some kind of gurantee for at least decent plots. |
I started my new fic. It's *shudder* an episode script. XD About pantyhose. Misty's, to be precise.
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Most of them have him fall in love with May way too early in fics though (stupid hoennshippers heh). |
just surprised that no one turned him into "Ash III" that's all... beause in GSC days Kenta/Yoshi got plenty of stories that made him "Ash II," and that was before the Pokemon Raikou Special came out. Brendan/Yuuki for some reason didn't the same path... it's kinda strange.
lol yes... we know that you're the most famous around Pokemon fanfics when it comes to Ru/Sa fics Breezy ;p |
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>one is like, no description on his rpg at all, the other one is okay and the last one keeps adding new plots to it! XD >and breezy, what are you doing here? |
meh... that's why I can't join RPG... just feels so... unfulfilled when everything is starting so nice and smoothly until suddenly someone comes by and suddenly every character is turned into some mindless, toneless, personality-less puppets of mass murder, and whatever junk like that... >>; I can't RP...
Either way, in look of a fellow experienced writer who got the time to perhaps beta-read and comment on my humble sucky ch.1 of some unknown fanfic of mine, anyone? Hopefully, it'll be done by Tuesday latest ^_^; |
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Nah, I just drop in every now and then heh. Just for kicks. :) Quote:
I wonder why though... You would think they would. I still wonder if being known for that is a good thing. o.o Least I got a name lol. XP Edit: I forgot why I was posting here heh. Anyways, I wrote this poem thing called "Tiny Paws" and I updated "Who Shot Brendan Birch?". Yay for me. :) I'd love you if you'd review. ;P |
Frosty, I'll do beta reading for you if you want.
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Yay review for Big O III is finally done after all these time Blue requested for one... ^^;;;
*just doesn't feel right without annoucing that he's done a fanfic review in a Fanfic Lounge of some kind even if this one is totally different than the one back in good old Pokemon fanfiction* |
*pets frosty* =3 I have yet to finish my next chapter for my fic. @[email protected] It's nearly have done, woot! XD Oh yeah, Jorge's fic was very nice, it has lots of action and jazz like that. :3
~Kelsey |
I just wanted to say that TGS is still alive, just haven't had much time to work on it lately. =/ I'm starting Chapter 5 now. ^^
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Anyway, I'm having another problem with the revision of my fanfic.... do you think I should like, write the story plot on something and then try to make it into a chapter to make things easier? |
Depends on how you want the fanfic to be done. Some people write by Stream of Consciousness Writing where they do almost absolutely zero planning at all on purpose. Some people likes to have the overall network of the plot figured out first, and then start writing and adding extra information along the way.
It's another strategy to decide rather you want to write the entire fanfic then start posting, or if you want to write one chapter and then post it immediately so you can immediate feedbacks for improvement, and so on. Seems that either way works for people, but most writers will have one way over the other. I personally realized that it's best for me to plan the framework and then start writing, and (from the past failured experiences) never post a chapter until I actually have the entire fanfic written out. |
^Hmm..... sounds like a good advice.... but I just type in a chapter for one day and then post it and see if people will review...... right nwo, I'm having writer's block, that is why I can't start on chapter 5, o_O;;;
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Writer's block sucks monkey apples. :) Very hard for me to get out of it now n days...
Anyways, I try thinking up of the main points in the next chapter and try to write part of it down, and then afterward, connect those scenes. Kinda weird, but it works for me. Or writing another story works (hence why I have seven million fics that need updating lol). If all else fails, force it. Fun stuff really. ^_^ |
^what a funny thing to do, Breezy! XD
>I have other fan fics, and yet, I started out with titles, but it is sooo hard for me to try and write all of those chapterful stories! XD >so, as for Pokemon fan fics, I'm having probelms with descriptions, such as locations, the sending in, sending out of pokemon and their attacks..... can anyone help me out? >that's why in my fanfic, you'll rarely find battle scenes! |
Hoennshipping is evil. >_>
Fwosty, I can beta read too... Apparently my reading is slightly helpful... And I'd better go work on that pantyhose thing. o_O Where on earth did I get that idea, anyway? |
If anyone cares to read my FF? I'm not sure whether people finds my story lame or what? At least gimme some comments of yars! Or I'll feel so depressed that I failed for my first FF... Oh yah, It's called Back in time (it has nothin' related to Serebii!), rather, the 1st chap's about Green & Yellow... But I got a feeling that I ruined it... *cries*>_<;;
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^Well, if we can fidn it, then, we'll review it at least......
>I wish some people here would review mine at least......... |
We should have a "writers' club" and swap reviews. ^^
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I already made one at the clubs forum...>.>
http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=34484 |
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If you're still willing to, just PM me with a link to your story and I'll put you into the review quene ^^;; Same for anyone else who's interested of course. I'll try to do 1 reviews every 2 days latest with the exception of this week due to the 4 tests. |
Hey, I wanted to say that I'll start reviewing peoples fics since I know how annoying it is to post to thin air. PM me if you want a review! My reviews arent quite as good as Frostweavers or Jedi Amara's, but hey their still reviews
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@ Memory, @ Accolade
(starting with Memory first) -"just" is not a conjunction so it results in a run on sentence -"Big Whitney" is a proper noun so the b needs to be capitalized too. You definitely implied "big" as part of the name there regardless if that is what you want in the first place. -regarding the word "shopping," well the fact that it isn't exactly English until the very recent years really do not help... Shopping is acceptable as a noun, an adjective, and a very special verb. Shopping is a noun "I love shopping" which is obvious. It can be an adjective, which is also definite if we look carefully: "I went to the shopping mall yesterday." What kind of mall? A *shopping* mall. You can even use it as a verb with "Let's go shopping!" Now look at "Let's go to eat!" Shopping kinda replaced the verb of "to shop" too. No one says "to shop" anymore but "shopping" to replace "to shop." So yes in the context of the fanfic, shopping is used correctly. -some of the double quotation marks are missing for some reason XD; -now randomly generated numbers that aren't meant to do anything are NEVER a good sign... be vague about numbers, such as "few, several, many" and so on. I really don't see the significance of 37, with 1 alive and 36 dead... If you want to see how chaotic things can get over a number, refer to Macbeth and the 3 witches inside, and talk to an english teacher about it =p -though I understand that the main focus of Accolade isn't on Jordan, but Jordan sounds quite abnormal about his father's return... his father finally returned to him after so many years, yet right now he doesn't sound angry or upset about it. -another set of well written fanfics as always... what can I say but another excellent fanfic? Even though I personally feel offended by reading it and won't like it... But regardless of how much I'll love to disagree with the point that the theme of the story is trying to prove, it is well supported, with both fanfics helping each other's theme to develop, which is worth praising about. -short point of plot: very high predictability o.O; very obvious that Katy is an imaginary friend from the beginning especially after mentioning that Jake's brother left for a journey, or how his mom now works for TR (whichever one comes first gave away the rest of the story). As for Accolade, when the father talked of how he infilitrated the HQ years ago, it got very predictable regarding his reason of visit... in an angst fanfic, mystery is your best friend which seems to be absent here. (i only took off 2 marks off originality for this, a -1 for each story making a -2... as this is kinda plot related... bored me since I predicted the endig at latest half way, so I didn't get the angsty feeling that the fanfic is definitely trying to produce, killing the mood greatly... however at the same time, maybe it's just me who's picking up the ending as "obvious" so I don't want to take marks off mood with this too. In the atmosphere department, I took off points in it due to Jordan's awkward response and his lack-of-emotion state in front of his father...) Good Points -story structure (excellent) -implication/hidden story Focuses to Improve On -grammar (minor though) -clarity (mainly with character names... lack of reinforcement regarding who is related with who) Title: 5/5 Grammar Basics: 9/10 Coherence/Readability: 9/10 Characterization: 18/20 Story Structure: 15/15 *well done!* Tone/Atmosphere: 13/15 Diction: 17/20 Effort/Originality: 13/15 Lit. Device bonus: +5 (juxtaposition and contrast +2, irony, theme/main idea +2) Total: 93 Another would-have-been Standard of Excellence Fanfic but then only one awarded story for each author =p However, this review isn't as accurate as always... because of that predictability thing I mentioned earlier... It did kill a lot of mood, tone or the expected angsty feelings for me making this story very... not so enjoyable for me, but seems too plot-related to take marks off... I am not certain rather taking off 2 is the right thing to do, or if it's too little for such a critical point... so yeah. |
Thanks for the review, Fwosty dear~ XD
I don't know what Jordan is thinking. Maybe he's in shock XD Big is NOT PART OF THE NAME! It's a DESCRIPTION! I'm sure I already said that o_O |
Just wondering... if somebody writes two Standard of Excellence fics, do they get to choose which one gets a spot in your sig or is the first one just stuck there forever?
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--------- And for everyone else...... I'd appreciate reviews on my revised fic.... and chapter 5 is coming up! The fic is on my sig! |
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And yes, I know you will big me heh. Anyways, I updated the uber crappy, why-the-hell-is-it-ff-of-the-week, even-though-I-revised-it-it-still-sucks May I in which I wished I could of changed the title, but people know it by that. Ja. Enjoy the major dialogue in that one. X3 |
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I like any shipping as long as May is in it and the shipping is good! As for fics I don't get the last statement of yours! |
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Here's the plot for the fic that I'm currently planning.
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That sounds nice ^^ A nice fantasy type fic. The idea for my next fic is something like this:
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to both reviews: when a *SUMMARY* is more than 4 lines long, it's some identication that you should probably redo the summary and shorten the length... it's not really serving its functions if the readers need to read that much in order to decide rather s/he is attracted to the story. Make it shorter and direct to the point.
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I've added another chapter to 'Destiny of Understanding' and next week I'll start revising the whole thing... In about 10 day the fic will be of a much higher quality and I'll start asking well known reviewers to review it.
I'd like to know whether anyone her is actually intrested in my posts here about my fic, or do you all think it is a waste of forum space? |
Just here to announce that I will become a reviewer here too. I'm still gonna continue on with my fic but the updates will be less frequent (partially because I'm changing the plot a little bit from what I had before). So, there it is.
PS - I can just do that, right? I don't need some kind of license or anything do I? |
I liked your fic Flatulus. 'Course, then again, I haven't read it in awhile. ^^;
If you need a license to review then I... I... [insert witty comment here since Breezy can't think of one]. But no, you can review on your own free will. |
We need a list of reviewers with the number of reviews each has on his/her waiting list so people know who to ask for reviews.
I have 3 on my list: 1. Frosty's beta read. 2. HMW. 3. WPC. |
I'd like to be a reviewer, but right now I'm really busy. I'm also about to judge a competition at another forum. I'll probably start taking requests within a couple weeks. (I know I don't do much reviewing here, but I'm really not bad at it when I sit myself down and actually do it.)
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Why haven't you read it recently? I mean, if you liked it what could get in the way of you reading it? |
yay PC is finally up... but then my tests keep coming -_-;
Either way, fanfic reviews should pick up again ^^; |
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They get impatient too sometimes heh, so I really don't get much chance to check back on stories I've read. |
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Turn on your msn! I want to chat with you! And my fan fic, I jsut updated it! |
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I posted five stories at SPPF and they all got pruned so I gave up ^^
Sorry I haven't been around/reviewing, I have university tests this week and I'm failing ;_; |
Sorry for the lack of reviews and all from a lacking mod - but i'm going to be absent, except my PMs, for a short while. My apologes. ^^;
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I'll have a bit of free time, so I'll take on a review. Just one for now, please. Nothing over five chapters long, I love reviewing one-shots. Go ahead and post your request here, it's first come first serve.
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Anyway, I was thinking of starting a story based on two middle school friends who find out that they can become animals. It is sort of like my RP, Guardianship. I'm thinking of making them be transported to different worlds that need help, but it's hard to do that because people are trying to kill them. I haven't thought out all the details yet, so it might not be very interesting right now. Changed my mind... Do people like my fan fic total destruction one? I am sorta worried...*glances around at the people at PC* |
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You're probably not going to see much of me this week either. Sorry. And sowwy, Fwosty dear, that I haven't read your thing yet ;_;
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As for those on my waiting list... it *may* be a VERY long wait... your review is completely at the teachers' mercy |
Aww... now I'll have to wait even longer for a review of Chains... ;_; *has been dying to get a Frostweaver review for it ever since writing it*
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http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=32773
Part 1 of Chapter 5 is up. I'll work on the other half ASAP. In the meantime, I'd like some reviews. |
I'd love you if you'd read my yucky one-shot called "Stitches". ^.^ "The Utmost Loyalty" too if ya wish because I see no reason why it should be fanfic of the week. o.0
Meh heh. |
I put up a sequel to Chains, Shackles, which hopefully gets the point across better.
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I'd love it if anyone would check out my latest (although technically written a long time ago) one-shot, Acceptance. It's my shortest one, and, in my opinion, the deepest.
~Chibi~ |
I have a one-shot that is also something of a preview to a final fantasy fic I'm writing. I'd really appreciate some feedback! It's called "Of Miasma and Myrrh."
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=36756 |
Well, chapter 5 of Hoenn Mirror World is finished. Enjoy!
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I need help with the title of a oneshot Im making
Its about the finals of the Silver Conference one year and how the two competitors are the most braindead idiots to walk the fields of Johto. Half of it is them preparing for the battle and the other half is the actual battle. The entire time you will wonder how the two competitors got so high up. Im thinking of two titles "The Fu**** up Finals" I like this one, but Im afraid I might not be able to use it for obvious reasons. But the title will definetely draw readers. "The most idiotic champion" I like this one two, but it might turn off readers because they might think its a trainer fic. What should I do? |
"The Most Idiotic Champion" sounds like a parody so it might attract readers heh (in a way, it is kinda a parody on protaganist characters I guess). I'm all up for the f-ed up finals one. It's catchy. X3
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And i'm thinking of writting an OT Fan fic....... any ideas for a city to be set? |
Lily and I are doing a split fic. We need a title :P. The prologue is there already... I guess we'll work out a title in a bit, when we've discussed what we're going to put in the story XD
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So... is this place just to chat about Fanfiction? *wonders* Well... *chat chatty chat!* lol... Hmm... Au revoir, people!
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Um, yeah, but we usually say more than "chatty chatty" o_O
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The occassional "blah blah" slips in as well. :)
Anyways, updates on Who Shot Brendan Birch to whoever cares (which is no one, but meh. Worth a shot). |
Oh, and we also talk about "Fwosty dear" and frying pans XD
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...*hits JA with a rock*
No fwosty dear! >O! |
Oh yeah, and Lily hits people with rocks a lot too. Right Fwosty dear? XD
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....*hits JA with a stone*
>O!!! |
Just to let you know...
I'll work on chapter 6 of HMW this weekend. Meow. |
You writers are so abusive to each other. XP
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Abuse is a part of the writing mentality! XD Especially when you're working collaboratively on a project ^^
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Abuse is how writers write. "I'll beat you with a stick if you stop writing!" X3
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Not quite. I think, in this case, it's "I'll throw a rock at you if you don't stop calling my boyfriend Fwosty dear!"
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Ah yes, the rocks. She'll move onto boulders soon that Lileh. =P
I wrote a new poem thing based off of my other poem "Tiny Paws" called "Bloody Handprints". I didn't kill Pichus in it. >>; You just keep seeing typos of pickels, don't worry about it. ^^; |
Maybe you can kill lilies instead and then she won't throw rocks at me anymore ^^;
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