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Breezy April 28th, 2005 3:37 PM

She threw boulders at me! *gasp* Lol. I told you it was a typo of pickels Lileh. Pichu? Why would I want to kill such an adorable little thing. >=D

I should say fwosty dear too and see what happens. =P J/k. JA can do that lol.

Geometric-sama April 28th, 2005 11:09 PM

She'll throw MORE rocks at you! Luckily I have frying pans. ^^;

"Fwosty dear~"

Neko Keeshi May 1st, 2005 7:18 PM

I'm looking for a story to read thats bout just a normal pokemon trainer going on a journey! Nothing magical, nothing. If you know of one(anywhere, not just here on the site) Just PM me PLEASE!

Lily May 1st, 2005 7:38 PM

To JA and Breezy:

I have a BLANK sheet of paper (teh OMG a writer's block). And I'm not afraid to use it. >.>

Oooo JEDI, I typed up about half, but I'm not sure if the plot is how you wanted it to be. o.o Ah, no matter. I shall show when I'm done.

Breezy May 1st, 2005 8:02 PM

To Lileh: *gasp* Not the blank sheet of paper! Ebil! You wouldn't dare!

To Neko Keeshi: Fanfiction.net has loads of trainer fics. There's bound to be one good one right? Right?

Riiiiiiight. I really can't think of any regular trainer fics that don't go mythical on your buttocks, but there's bound to be one. Not sure about OTs since some authors give up on those. There are a few game based ones (not mine, it sucks!) scattered around in the back pages of fanfiction.net. The Pokémon Tower too maybe.

Dunno. I've really only read parody trainer fics to be honest. ^^;

Haruka_Fan1013 May 1st, 2005 8:21 PM

Did anyone read Life with Team Aqua?
Oh well.....

Strawberry Delcatty May 1st, 2005 8:40 PM

Something is telling me to do an "Emerald version" of Hoenn Mirror World. What I mean is that it has some characters from HMW, but totally different. And before you ask me, yes, it'll involve the Battle Frontier.

I think I may start on it after I get a few chapters of the HMW revision done.

Geometric-sama May 2nd, 2005 5:43 PM

XD My trainer fic is HORRIBLE. It even has a clichéd name. :) *points to "Pokémon Friend" in sig* Blank paper... *grabs it from Lily and draws a picture on it* I liiiiiiike blank paper.

Hmm... well, Lily, I'll send you details of my two OCs (the boy from the prologue, and a girl) with personality data and stuff. I think we should leave each other's OCs alone for the first few chapters to let their personalities develop, and then *after* that we can steal 'em from each other :) XD Oh, and as for title... how about "To Transcend Honour"?

Breezy May 5th, 2005 5:46 PM

I posted this one odd little ficlet called "Approval" so read if if ya dare. I warn thee though; it's hoennshipping based. *laughs ebilly into the nigh- day* Read if if ye will.

Actually, it just supports it really. No mush scenes. I only wrote it cuz fans got mad that I didn't write much hoennshipping anymore lol.

SilverBlaze09 May 6th, 2005 4:30 PM

Question
 
Last time I posted 'Battlefront: Legacy of the Warriors' here, it got a bunch of views but no RE-views. My question is, if I were to post the revised version, would anyone care? If not, that's fine. SPPF received the original with open arms. And it was only at chapter two, ta boot. So I'll survive if you're uninterested. SB

Breezy May 6th, 2005 10:00 PM

SPPf has loads of reviewers ready to point out all grammar/spelling mistakes. *sigh* But sadly, that's mainly it not unless you count the "Great job!" review. There's also the very rare reviewers that, you know, actually review. =P

PC's Pokémon fanfic forum isn't the most popular of forums as well.

SilverBlaze09 May 7th, 2005 2:30 AM

Quote:


SPPf has loads of reviewers ready to point out all grammar/spelling mistakes. *sigh* But sadly, that's mainly it not unless you count the "Great job!" review. There's also the very rare reviewers that, you know, actually review. =P


I had Scrap and Brian Powell look it over on SPPF, and they couldn't really find anything wrong with it. I'm just wondering if I'm wasting space in the PCFF forum.
Quote:

PC's Pokémon fanfic forum isn't the most popular of forums as well.

I like the colors. SB

Geometric-sama May 7th, 2005 5:43 AM

I never got any reviews at SPPF. I gave up. >_> XD

SilverBlaze09 May 7th, 2005 8:21 AM

Quote:

I never got any reviews at SPPF. I gave up. >_> XD
Obviously because I didn't read them.

Hmm, y'know, I guess it never registered that you were an author, JA.

But, I guess it has just now... SB

Strawberry Delcatty May 7th, 2005 9:33 AM

The first half of Chapter 6 of Hoenn Mirror World is up. Feel free to read and review.

Breezy May 7th, 2005 9:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JA
I never got any reviews at SPPF. I gave up. >_> XD

I didn't even know you were a member there. o.0 I think the "review" team there were off it or something because usually, one of us comes over and reviewers, good or bad.

Dare ya to post it again and I promise you'll get a review lol.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverBlaze09
I had Scrap and Brian Powell look it over on SPPF, and they couldn't really find anything wrong with it. I'm just wondering if I'm wasting space in the PCFF forum.

Scrap, one great reviewer, but she could of meant conventional wise. Did she comment on plot as well? And no, you're not wasting space lol. Don't worry about it.

SilverBlaze09 May 7th, 2005 12:33 PM

Quote:


Scrap, one great reviewer, but she could of meant conventional wise. Did she comment on plot as well? And no, you're not wasting space lol. Don't worry about it.

*dry chuckle* I said she couldn't find anything to pick at. I was so put-out for a while...

Then the rest of them came.

So, I've decided to post the first chap here at the same time it's released on SPPF: tomorrow. I hope to see you there. SB

oni flygon May 8th, 2005 10:20 AM

*sigh*

Aye... three amateurs in a row... what has this world come to? v.v;;

If more people are going to make these fanfics not worth reading, I'll have to close a bunch of them sooner or later... ><

Tsk, tsk... comparing aren't we, peope? I'm sure you people have more to discuss about than comparing this forum with something else, eh? Should my mind be lax while you people continue to rattle this thread with complaints and doubts.

Blah... *goes off to write a rushed fic like what Lily usually would*

Breezy May 8th, 2005 10:31 AM

Hey, to be honest, I like this this forum better than SPPf. o.0; Reviewers there just . . . *squishes pillow* :P Not as active of course, but at least there aren't a bajillion stories over there that can push down your fic to page 4 in less than a day. It's as if conventions are the only things that make a fic good over there which is why I stated that he would be slaughtered by them in that one "fic". I love when they talk back to me; it's funny. ^^;

oni flygon May 8th, 2005 10:42 AM

Hey that's true... (about getting your fic pushed to Page 4)

Also, my fics have been usually ignored and stuff. *points at his other works that he posted a few months ago* However, I'm getting ready for this other fic that I've been writing. I'm just a little lazy... XD

Breezy May 8th, 2005 10:55 AM

My choice over there is either let my thread die or let my insane fans spam the hell outta my fic. oO; 'Course that's me heh.

I can't even find half my fics I posted here. XP

oni flygon May 8th, 2005 10:56 AM

*points at search thingie*

You can always enter the title there and stuff... XD

Breezy May 8th, 2005 11:00 AM

Ah, that would be the smart thing to do, but since I'm not smart ... ^^; Nah, I want those stories to die. *pokes stories* They're the horrible, unrevised versions. 'Course, I didn't revise them just yet, but they still bug me.

oni flygon May 8th, 2005 11:06 AM

I have other horrible unrevised stories...>>;;
But yeah... I'm becoming lazy again... v.v

Breezy May 8th, 2005 11:14 AM

Force yourself to write if anything. I had the worse case of writer's laziness (is there a name for it?) for about ... three months. I ended up forcing myself to update which helped me get back into writing again. Don't wait that long otherwise it's harder to get back into it. That's just me of course though.

oni flygon May 8th, 2005 11:15 AM

Laziness + Writer's Block = horror

Need I say more? XD

Breezy May 8th, 2005 11:20 AM

That'd be true. XP It also sucks when you get out of it and then go back into another hiatus. -.-;

Casual Billy May 8th, 2005 12:38 PM

Hey Annie Wonucares! The fic in my sig is being dis-continued. I'm just gonna wait until I start my new fic and bring it here. Seeya and stay tuned for that fic, Annie!

Strawberry Delcatty May 8th, 2005 1:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oni flygon
*sigh*

Aye... three amateurs in a row... what has this world come to? v.v;;

If more people are going to make these fanfics not worth reading, I'll have to close a bunch of them sooner or later... ><

It would be better if you close down all the bad fics and leave a link to the FAQ along with some suggestions to improve.

Of course, that's just my suggestion.

Breezy May 8th, 2005 2:21 PM

If you keep it open though, their next post might have some improvements. Kinda like a second chance.

Strawberry Delcatty May 8th, 2005 2:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
If you keep it open though, their next post might have some improvements. Kinda like a second chance.

Yeah, but you need to be careful WHO to give second chances to.

Breezy May 8th, 2005 2:41 PM

For example lol? Like people who have attitude or what?

Strawberry Delcatty May 8th, 2005 2:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
For example lol? Like people who have attitude or what?

Never mind. Forget I said anything.

Hey, Breezy, would you mind reviewing Hoenn Mirror World?

Lily May 8th, 2005 3:18 PM

I'm freaking out because I'm afraid JA won't like my chapter. ;_; Co authored is hard...I, primarily, made one female OC character I was planning to use, but since JA is making one also..er....does it matter?

Breezy May 8th, 2005 6:53 PM

I remember co-authoring a fic. Whatever happened to it? *think* ...I think it was his turn to write and he never did. :P

I don't think it really matters if you two both made OC girl trainers as long as they aren't exactly alike. o_O

Avegaille May 9th, 2005 1:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
My choice over there is either let my thread die or let my insane fans spam the hell outta my fic. oO; 'Course that's me heh.

I can't even find half my fics I posted here. XP

Hmmm..... a lot of them in sppf, probably..... *whistles innocently*

What? I couldn't resist..... it's in one of my subscribed threads.... -_-;;;;

And uh..... not many people review my fic in any of the forums though..

Breezy May 9th, 2005 6:06 PM

Lol bunny. =P Thanks for bumping my thread though lol. One of my other fans got mad at you for doing that though.

I think it's cuz you already have a lotta posts from Jane and such and people don't like reading hot threads if they haven't before.

Avegaille May 10th, 2005 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Lol bunny. =P Thanks for bumping my thread though lol. One of my other fans got mad at you for doing that though.

I think it's cuz you already have a lotta posts from Jane and such and people don't like reading hot threads if they haven't before.

Huh? What? Oh, you mean Jane and me... i started the beating subscribed threads with her by being the last poster in the subscribed htreads we have...

And what about hot threads? I don't get you.....

And yeah, i knwo one of your fans is mad at me, but who cares, we're not really spaming, as in the one with double, triple, quadruple posts....

But anyway, fanfic ideas? I'm trying to do drafts for my fanfic so that I wont' get writer's block at least! lol

Geometric-sama May 10th, 2005 3:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverBlaze09
Obviously because I didn't read them.

Hmm, y'know, I guess it never registered that you were an author, JA.

But, I guess it has just now... SB

Author? Author I am, I guess... well, I'll repost them on SPPF later~

Lily, they're your OCs! You can do what you want with them ^^; I'll just turn them into horrible murderers ^______^ who hit people with rocks XD

blueguy May 10th, 2005 4:11 PM

Anybody willing to read and review my fic? It's 'Soul Awakening' which despite ze sticky hasn't got any attention lately. :\ The third chapter's gone unnoticed for a week! *nooooooo!*

Aiya Quackform May 11th, 2005 4:33 PM

Review of Chapter 1 of Hoenn Mirror World

Oh, man, Nekomajo, I am so sorry for how long this has taken! I haven't even read it all yet! But, here's some overall opinions on chapter 1 of Hoenn Mirror World.

I love the originality! Originality scores big with me, since it's so rare nowadays. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. Overall, so far the story's good. It's just your writing technique that needs help.

Your major flaw is wordiness. Because you're used to writing in script
format, I'm sure the reason is simply inexperience. It is obvious that you're familiar witht the mantra "show, don't tell." Your problem is that you don't know where to show and where to tell. You show us her showering and dressing. Why would we want to read a paragraph about that? In this case, tell us in a quick and painless sentence--if you need to tell us at all!

The first four pages are so old and have been done literally thousands of
times before. That, with or without you interest-piquing prelude, would
have made me stop reading your fic if I hadn't been asked.

Get to the point.

Heck, you could basically delete everything up to "Mariah was in her room
to gather her belongings . . ."! Even then much of what you have after
this could be deleted or summed up and it would all flow much better into
the action.

You also do this a lot:
"________ said to his/her ________"
and
"________ said/called/yelled/shrieked in _____."

Don't! Do not be afraid to write "said." Less is more! You really
should be able to understand the tone of the character's voice by their
words, not by what you say their tone is. You could throw in "yelled," "asked" or "shrieked" instead of "said" on occasion, but don't go overboard.

When Mariah meets her mirror image, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her character, and I think you didn't do as much as you could have. Both of them accept it all so quickly. It's a bit odd in my opinion. Sure you say Mariah is astounded, but she doesn't act like it. So far there's little to no fear or uncertainty. And Mirror Mariah seems to be nothing more than a guiding voice, not a character.

In the Treecko/Poochyena battle, why didn't Poochyena get out of the way of the plummeting Treecko? I'd think they'd do that on instinct alone.

There's a lot of tense switching. You've really got to watch that. I'd suggest that you find a regular beta reader to help you out.

Stop with the "once," when," and "then's." (Yes, that's apostraphe S. I looked it up this morning.) They stop flow and distract, excpecially in action scenes when you're trying to show speed of movement and action. Also stop with the "very's" and "extremely's." You don't need them when you use strong words. For instance, instead of writing "very angry," go with "enraged."

But I really will read more of this, once I got to the action I got interested. (I've just got a really long reading list.) Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your writing progress!

(I don't give scores.)

Aiya Quackform May 11th, 2005 4:34 PM

Review of Chapter 1 of Hoenn Mirror World

Oh, man, Nekomajo, I am so sorry how long this has taken! I haven't even read it all yet! But, here's some overall opinions on chapter 1 one of Hoenn Mirror World.

I love the originality! Originality scores big with me, since it's so rare nowadays. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. Overall, so far the story's good. It's just your writing techniques that need help.

Your major flaw is wordiness. Because you're used to writing in script

format, I'm sure the reason is simply inexperience.

It is obvious that you're familiar witht the mantra "show, don't tell."

Your problem is that you don't know where to show and where to tell. You

show us her showering and dressing. Why would we want to read a paragraph

about that? In this case, tell us in a quick and painless

sentence--if you need to tell us at all!

The first four pages are so old and have been done literally thousands of

times before. That, with or without you interest-piquing prelude, would

have made me stop reading your fic if I hadn't been asked.

Get to the point.

Heck, you could basically delete everything up to "Mariah was in her room

to gather her belongings . . ."! Even then much of what you have after

this could be deleted or summed up and it would all flow much better into

the action.

You also do this a lot:
"________ said to his/her ________"
and
"________ said/called/yelled/shrieked in _____."

Don't! Do not be afraid to write "said." Less is more! You really

should be able to understand the tone of the character's voice by their

words, not by what you say their tone is. You could throw in "yelled," "asked" or "shrieked" instead of "said" on occasion, but don't go overboard.

When Mariah meets her mirror image, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her character, and I think you didn't do as much as you could have. Both of them accept it all so quickly. It's a bit odd in my opinion. Sure you say Mariah is astounded, but she doesn't act like it. So far there's little to no fear or uncertainty. And Mirror Mariah seems to be nothing more than a guiding voice, not a character.

In the Treecko/Poochyena battle, why didn't Poochyena get out of the way of the plummeting Treecko? I'd think they'd do that on instinct alone.

There's a lot of tense switching. You've really got to watch that. I'd suggest that you find a regular beta reader to help you out.

Stop with the "once," when," and "then's." (Yes, that's apostraphe S. I looked it up this morning.) They stop flow and distract, excpecially in action scenes when you're trying to show speed of movement and action. Also stop with the "very's" and "extremely's." You don't need them when you use strong words. For instance, instead of writing "very angry," go with "enraged."

But I really will read more of this, once I got to the action I got interested. (I've just got a really long reading list.) Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your writing progress!

(I don't give scores.)

Strawberry Delcatty May 11th, 2005 5:37 PM

Uh... just to point it out, you've double posted. :P
Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
Oh, man, Nekomajo, I am so sorry for how long this has taken! I haven't even read it all yet!

It's okay. I was getting kind of worried though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
I love the originality! Originality scores big with me, since it's so rare nowadays. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. Overall, so far the story's good.

That always appears to be one of my strongest points.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
Your major flaw is wordiness. Because you're used to writing in script format, I'm sure the reason is simply inexperience. It is obvious that you're familiar with the mantra "show, don't tell." Your problem is that you don't know where to show and where to tell. You show us her showering and dressing. Why would we want to read a paragraph about that? In this case, tell us in a quick and painless sentence--if you need to tell us at all!

I was trying to fix my description problem. The main complaint is that I don't have enough description, so I try to describe whenever I could.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
The first four pages are so old and have been done literally thousands of times before. That, with or without you interest-piquing prelude, would have made me stop reading your fic if I hadn't been asked.

Get to the point.

Heck, you could basically delete everything up to "Mariah was in her room
to gather her belongings . . ."! Even then much of what you have after
this could be deleted or summed up and it would all flow much better into
the action.

Well, the "waking up" happens a LOT in magical girl anime. :\
Also, how would I explain how Mariah got her first Pokemon if I deleted everything up to that point?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
You also do this a lot:
"________ said to his/her ________"
and
"________ said/called/yelled/shrieked in _____."

Don't! Do not be afraid to write "said." Less is more! You really
should be able to understand the tone of the character's voice by their
words, not by what you say their tone is. You could throw in "yelled," "asked" or "shrieked" instead of "said" on occasion, but don't go overboard.

I'm always been told that the word "said" should be avoided at all costs. Even the FAQ said so:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Basic Pokemon Writing FAQ
Don’t use “said” without adverbs. “Said” is the most boring verb in any Fanfiction. Use adverbs to help out, or use alternative words like commented, asked, exclaimed and so on.

I've read that FAQ over a hundred times, but I still can't seem to handle tone...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
When Mariah meets her mirror image, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her character, and I think you didn't do as much as you could have. Both of them accept it all so quickly. It's a bit odd in my opinion. Sure you say Mariah is astounded, but she doesn't act like it. So far there's little to no fear or uncertainty. And Mirror Mariah seems to be nothing more than a guiding voice, not a character.

Accept it so quickly? I thought I totally avoided that. A reviewer said that I had Mariah acting rather unrealistically in the scripted version, so I thought I avoided that problem in the revision.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
In the Treecko/Poochyena battle, why didn't Poochyena get out of the way of the plummeting Treecko? I'd think they'd do that on instinct alone.

That never came to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
There's a lot of tense switching. You've really got to watch that. I'd suggest that you find a regular beta reader to help you out.

Tense switching? I thought that problem was taken care of as well...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
Stop with the "once," when," and "then's." (Yes, that's apostraphe S. I looked it up this morning.) They stop flow and distract, excpecially in action scenes when you're trying to show speed of movement and action. Also stop with the "very's" and "extremely's." You don't need them when you use strong words. For instance, instead of writing "very angry," go with "enraged."

I never saw that as a problem, but if you say so...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
But I really will read more of this, once I got to the action I got interested. (I've just got a really long reading list.) Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your writing progress!

Thanks. I'm REALLY hoping that the revision would be enough to put the scripted version to shame, but I seem to have a long way to go...

Yamato-san May 11th, 2005 11:47 PM

I'm the one who told you Mariah's reaction was too unrealistic in that scene. However, I didn't intend for you to try avoiding it all together. I just think you should just improve on the scene that's there so, you know, the reaction CAN be more realistic. And just why are you trying to put your script to shame? I've said it a million times before, but I find script, no matter how good or bad the story is, several times more convenient and plain easy to read (as well as write in my case) than narrative (because I like direct dialogue rather than reading paragraphs worth of symbolism to describe just one scene). Now, I find it odd that I'm supposedly the only one who can do that correctly, but your scripting I found was still halfway decent and simple to read and understand nontheless. Your scripting's really not that much of a problem, it's your word usage as well as the way your execute the story itself. So I'll ask again, what do you have against the script format that you're so hellbent on putting it to shame?

Anyway, I said this on my thread, but I'll say it in this thread so more people can see it.....

To all readers,

Recently, I've been thinking of making a few tweaks to the storyline that I very recently thought up, however, I don't know if I'm going in the right direction with them or not. Of course, I can't post my ideas here at risk of spoiling, so I'm making this offer. This Sunday (5/14/05) at noon, American Pacific time (GMT -8:00), meet me on an AIM chat room that I will title "orochi" (I like snakes, so sue me). It is here that I'll discuss my plans and you can give me your opinions there. Just remember, you come at your own risk of having major spoilers brought upon you. Also, do not consider plagiarizing whatever I haven't posted yet, for there are bound to be people against plagiarizing in the chat room that can back me up if you try to pull anything like that. I hope to see some of you there.

-ヤマトさん

Flatulus May 12th, 2005 1:30 AM

... I'm sorry to everyone who likes my fic but I've been so distracted lately and have been too late on my updates. I blame it on the lack of motivation of those who read my fic...

Lucky for those who read it I could never actually give up writing it, and have added chapter 9... Bad new is that I haven't fixed up a certain lack of details of a certain event in chapter one, and those people who are correcting grammer mistakes and stuff only have reached chapter three.

Strawberry Delcatty May 12th, 2005 5:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
I'm the one who told you Mariah's reaction was too unrealistic in that scene. However, I didn't intend for you to try avoiding it all together. I just think you should just improve on the scene that's there so, you know, the reaction CAN be more realistic. And just why are you trying to put your script to shame? I've said it a million times before, but I find script, no matter how good or bad the story is, several times more convenient and plain easy to read (as well as write in my case) than narrative (because I like direct dialogue rather than reading paragraphs worth of symbolism to describe just one scene). Now, I find it odd that I'm supposedly the only one who can do that correctly, but your scripting I found was still halfway decent and simple to read and understand nontheless. Your scripting's really not that much of a problem, it's your word usage as well as the way your execute the story itself. So I'll ask again, what do you have against the script format that you're so hellbent on putting it to shame?

You said it yourself: you're the only one who can write a script properly. Even though mine is second-best to yours (according to the majority here), I really felt that I'm better off writing narratives.

Simply put, I've realized that I'm not cut out for writing scripts.

Shuko May 12th, 2005 6:51 PM

Hrm... I've posted my first story here on PC... I hope you guys can find time to read it and tell me whether it sucks or not. :) I've never tried my hand at writing Poke-fiction before, so I don't know how good it'll be...

The Power to Shine

White_Winter_Wolf May 12th, 2005 7:23 PM

I just posted a fic too. I'm not sure how good it is, but its the best one I've made yet!

If I Could Change the World.

Breezy May 12th, 2005 7:39 PM

I WROTE THE BORINGEST FIC EVAH CALLED "The Pokémon Detective" (along with a cliche title of course ;) ). It's alrighty I suppose, but the first case is absolutely boring. *sigh*

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon May 12th, 2005 8:22 PM

I think the length of my story frightened people away. LOL.

Aiya Quackform May 12th, 2005 9:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekomajo Asunya
I was trying to fix my description problem. The main complaint is that I don't have enough description, so I try to describe whenever I could.

Like I said, it can be difficult to learn where to show and where to tell. Basically, ask yourself, will my reader want to read this?


Quote:

Well, the "waking up" happens a LOT in magical girl anime. :\
Also, how would I explain how Mariah got her first Pokemon if I deleted everything up to that point?
You could a variation of this lovely: "Mariah had recieved her first Pokemon today. A Treecko from Professor Elm."


Quote:

I'm always been told that the word "said" should be avoided at all costs. Even the FAQ said so.
Let's see, how can I put this delicately? *ponders a moment* The FAQ is wrong. This is not my opinion. Read a book on writing. A good one is "The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes: (And How To Avoid Them.)" There is even a chapter entitled: "Don't Be Afraid To Say 'Said'"! Of course you don't want to bore your writer with nothing but "said," but don't distract with useless adjectives.


Quote:

Accept it so quickly? I thought I totally avoided that. A reviewer said that I had Mariah acting rather unrealistically in the scripted version, so I thought I avoided that problem in the revision.
Well, if I met a mirror image of me and was transported a mirror universe, I would totally wig out. I'd be worried about getting home, primarily. I just didn't get as much of a reaction from Mariah as I'd expected.


Quote:

Tense switching? I thought that problem was taken care of as well...
There wasn't a lot, but it was there.


Quote:

Thanks. I'm REALLY hoping that the revision would be enough to put the scripted version to shame, but I seem to have a long way to go...
Don't be too hard on yourself! You're really getting off to a great start after writing script fics for so long! And don't forget, nobody becomes a great writer overnight. It takes years of hard work. Everybody stinks before they become great! Asimov certain'y didn't come out of the womb spouting ground-breaking sci-fi. (Incidently, if you can find it, I highly recommend picking up a copy of "Page After Page" by Heather Sellers. It's a highly motivational book that shows you how to incorporate writing into your life.)

Lily May 13th, 2005 12:54 PM

I'm here to apologize profusely to JA. ;____; The chapter is half way done, considering I've deleted it and started over. Mistake, mistake. I'm sooo sorry for making you wait; it's just, I'm never really the one to promise on a certain date.

Again, sorry. School/tests/projects shredded my life. ;;

Strawberry Delcatty May 13th, 2005 3:03 PM

I'm just wondering if there are any beta readers available. I want someone to catch some errors that I end up missing in my fics.

Also, I'm thinking about redoing HMW again. Well, the first three chapters anyway. They were more "converted" than revised. If you compare the current version with the scripted version, you'll see what I mean.

So, when I get through with chapter 6 of the revision, I'll get to work on redoing chapter 1.

Geometric-sama May 13th, 2005 8:35 PM

Lilililililililililililililyyyyyyy-chan, there's no hurry! ^^; I have tests too, I know how it feels! Remember, I went through school too. :P XD I barely have time to touch the computer, let alone write.

Avegaille May 13th, 2005 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
I WROTE THE BORINGEST FIC EVAH CALLED "The Pokémon Detective" (along with a cliche title of course ;) ). It's alrighty I suppose, but the first case is absolutely boring. *sigh*

It doesn't seem boring, jsut hard to understand mysteries, that probably will be never answered i supposed.

Frostweaver May 13th, 2005 10:46 PM

<possibility can return to fanfics by May 20th... the last IB exam is on the 20th...>

Breezy May 13th, 2005 10:59 PM

Oh, it's boring all right. How is hard though lol? I thought I left obvious clues since it was a level one mystery. o.0

I'm guessing IB testing is kinda like AP testing, so good luck frosty. Tests suck. ._.; 'Specially when it's either pass or fail for the entire course. ><

Avegaille May 13th, 2005 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Oh, it's boring all right. How is hard though lol? I thought I left obvious clues since it was a level one mystery. o.0

Well, for someone like me, very hard, so if i have time, i'll properly read and try to solve the mstery, okay?

Sequoia May 14th, 2005 4:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avegaille Spellman
Huh? What? Oh, you mean Jane and me... i started the beating subscribed threads with her by being the last poster in the subscribed htreads we have...

And what about hot threads? I don't get you.....

And yeah, i knwo one of your fans is mad at me, but who cares, we're not really spaming, as in the one with double, triple, quadruple posts....

But anyway, fanfic ideas? I'm trying to do drafts for my fanfic so that I wont' get writer's block at least! lol

talking about me there? thought so...we were only posting in HLBMA, nothing bad ::whistles:: XDD SPPF isn't that bad, i'm serious...my fic is still on the first page, even if i posted there last...

Geometric-sama May 14th, 2005 5:11 AM

*frantically starts writing to have something to pester fwosty dear~ with*

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 9:24 AM

Sorry if interupted a conversation but I have a question.

Should I consider closing crap fics or something? I don't know about it but sometimes some fics are just plain bad and I want to close them... I dunno... >>

Breezy May 14th, 2005 9:31 AM

Go for it! It's not like that they can't improve and repost anyways.

Strawberry Delcatty May 14th, 2005 9:57 AM

Best thing I've heard all day.

Also, can you close or delete these two fics of mine as well? I'm going to be revising HMW again.
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=24826
http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=32773

Yamato-san May 14th, 2005 10:02 AM

this is about Pika Power's fic, isn't it? The problem with guys like him is that he doesn't learn too easily. I already told him his fic was crap on Serebii, plus it got closed there, but what does he do? Goes ahead and reposts it here. The way I see it, people like that should be made an example of. Sticky a thread titled "Things NOT to do in a fic" and use lines and summaries from fics such as that to point out major flaws.

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
this is about Pika Power's fic, isn't it? The problem with guys like him is that he doesn't learn too easily. I already told him his fic was crap on Serebii, plus it got closed there, but what does he do? Goes ahead and reposts it here. The way I see it, people like that should be made an example of. Sticky a thread titled "Things NOT to do in a fic" and use lines and summaries from fics such as that to point out major flaws.

I would do that if you can give me the link to it... =D

Breezy May 14th, 2005 10:20 AM

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=38181

I remember this fic... He didn't actually write the first chapter but gave us a summary to it instead, plus it was a carbon based copy of the anime (least give a kid a different name than Ash Jr. o0). No, he didn't even post the summary for the first post at sppf, just that he would show us later.

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 10:26 AM

Okay, if there are other stuff that you guys want me to close, just put 'em here...

*edits fanfiction rules*

edit: While I was in the "Who's Online" thingie, I saw that some people were looking at my really, really old fic...

Why are you people looking at that? My fic back then was crappy! CRAPPY! It was horrendous! (horrible, I say!)

I had a bunch of good one shots... but why that? ><

Breezy May 14th, 2005 10:46 AM

I saw someone looking at your "Ties of Friendship" fic and I've seen all the posts about it here way back when so I decided to look at it. =P YOU'RE RIGHT; IT SUCKS! Hehe, j/k, it's a good fic so far from the 3 chapters I've read so far.

It's like a fanfic massacre! >=D

Well, Brendon's fic, "Brendon" (IT'S BRENDAN ALREADY! ><) isn't the greatest heh. Slaughter that suckah! :P

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=38144

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 10:50 AM

It's more of a genocide... XD

that fic was corny! CORNY!!!! >< I've written better ones than that piece of tripe! (reffering to my fic)

Breezy May 14th, 2005 10:57 AM

What's so corny about it? It be mushy?

I feel like an evil henchmen giving away bad fic. >=D

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=38162

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 10:58 AM

That and the fact that I had bad writing skills back then... ><

Breezy May 14th, 2005 11:02 AM

There's a 100% chance that you wrote better than me when I started. >>

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 11:07 AM

But it's quite embarassing for some people to read my older works now... before, I didn't care... now, yes. Because people would go: "Geez, this guy is a moderator in fanfiction forum and he can't write for crap" ... >>

Well, I wrote that when I wasn't a mod yet... when was that? 2003? XD

Yamato-san May 14th, 2005 11:11 AM

[stares at the massacre of crappy fics]

Oh god, this is great XD. Finally, the horrid n00b fics are elliminated instead of cluttering up these forums and distracting from the halfway decent stuff. Niko, if I were a sculptist, and knew what you looked like, I swear I would gladly erect a statue of you, holding up a chainsaw, in honor of this glorious act.... come to think of it, I could kinda picture the guy in your avatar (I mostly picture users based on their avis anyway) slaughtering things with a chainsaw.

[looks at Pika Power's last post before his thread got offed]

Pffft..... any lame-o can just make up 150 new Pokemon, but if the plot centered around those new Pokemon are just the same **** thing, who gives a f***? And even if his plot was meant to be good later on (which I doubt), is posting a summary like that and starting off the storyline with such unoriginality really such a good way to keep people reading long enough to reach that point, or even attract people at all? Hell no. Let this be a lesson to anyone who thinks their story can seem "original" just because they use a new Pokemon or new region or whatever. Hell, I've seen more stories using nothing but the existing regions and 386 Pokemon (there's a lot of variety as it is, why need more?) give me more original plots than I've ever seen a story using nothing but fanmade Pokemon.

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
[stares at the massacre of crappy fics]

Oh god, this is great XD. Finally, the horrid n00b fics are elliminated instead of cluttering up these forums and distracting from the halfway decent stuff. Niko, if I were a sculptist, and knew what you looked like, I swear I would gladly erect a statue of you, holding up a chainsaw, in honor of this glorious act.... come to think of it, I could kinda picture the guy in your avatar (I mostly picture users based on their avis anyway) slaughtering things with a chainsaw.

[looks at Pika Power's last post before his thread got offed]

Pffft..... any lame-o can just make up 150 new Pokemon, but if the plot centered around those new Pokemon are just the same **** thing, who gives a f***? And even if his plot was meant to be good later on (which I doubt), is posting a summary like that and starting off the storyline with such unoriginality really such a good way to keep people reading long enough to reach that point, or even attract people at all? Hell no. Let this be a lesson to anyone who thinks their story can seem "original" just because they use a new Pokemon or new region or whatever. Hell, I've seen more stories using nothing but the existing regions and 386 Pokemon (there's a lot of variety as it is, why need more?) give me more original plots than I've ever seen a story using nothing but fanmade Pokemon.

Oh I'm very flattered... XD

Now I have to inform Lily of the updated news thingie...>>

Breezy May 14th, 2005 11:15 AM

There's a fic somewhere out there (I think it might be even on the first page) where it doesn't even have a summary thing. Just dunno which one it is. ^^;

I think it's fun to read older fics by mods and see the widdle authors grow up into big kid moddies. :P Aw, widdle Oni is growing up lol.

Mmm yeah, the only problem I have with the "genocide" (lol) is the fact that they could improve the next time around. Then again though, if you see that your fic is closed, then they REALLY know they have to improve in order for their fic to not be closed again.

Where be Lileh? Me haven't seen her for awhile. X3

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 11:21 AM

If they improve, then that's fine... but if they keep returning with the same crap they have, I'll have to close the threads.

Just read my rather new fics... the one shots... ><

Frostweaver May 14th, 2005 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy

Where be Lileh? Me haven't seen her for awhile. X3

Good question ;_;

But either way... I *think* that I can start reviewing stuff again ^^; But then how should I do it this time in case of exam rush again...? =o

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 12:00 PM

Frosty... you still have to review my one fic... >>;;

And if you're interested in my older fics, read:

"Friday", "Roommates", "Call of Dragons", "Valentine's Day", "Love's Lost", "Tree Across The Meadow"

... >> I think I forgot some good ones... but yeah. Just search for those and they're pretty good IMO... XD

Strawberry Delcatty May 14th, 2005 12:21 PM

I'm glad to see that against is taken against bad fics.

BTW, I'll work on my NEW HMW revision (as well as another fic) sometime soon. I've already have a beta reader, but I wouldn't mind another.

Yamato-san May 14th, 2005 1:42 PM

heh.... Pika Power just gave me a negative reputation, commenting "GIVE MY FIC A CHANCE!! AND DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO HARSH!!!" Just shows how much he's willing to take advice. Oh, god forbid you admit your plot sucks and refuse any comments that could actually help you improve. Oh no, go right ahead and whine in all capital letters, you're bound to get respect sooner or later by doing so.

Anyway, I reposted chapters 7-12 of Pocket Monsters Chronicles.

Breezy May 14th, 2005 1:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
heh.... Pika Power just gave me a negative reputation, commenting "GIVE MY FIC A CHANCE!! AND DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO HARSH!!!" Just shows how much he's willing to take advice. Oh, god forbid you admit your plot sucks and refuse any comments that could actually help you improve. Oh no, go right ahead and whine in all capital letters, you're bound to get respect sooner or later by doing so.

Lol, that's awesome. X3 Those silly authors!

So I'm allowed to read everything but Ties of Love and Friendship? It can't be that bad.

oni flygon May 14th, 2005 2:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Lol, that's awesome. X3 Those silly authors!

So I'm allowed to read everything but Ties of Love and Friendship? It can't be that bad.

Fine, read it... just bear in mind that I wasn't that good before... ><

Yamato-san May 14th, 2005 2:27 PM

I agree with what Breezy says about how viewers should be able to see how the author has improved over time. Speaking of which, would anyone like me to make a thread for the old version of PMC, back when I was rushing the storyline and was attempting a narrative?

Frostweaver May 14th, 2005 2:28 PM

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=34118

@ Valentine's Day (by Niko)

Quote:

as the digitized beeping of the digital clock
this is repeated... the beep off of a digital clock is obviously digitized

Quote:

A wandering hand emerged from the stockpile of white blankets, hoping to hit the button in order to cease the digitized beeping of the clock. After a few attempts, the black button was finally pushed using the palm of the hand. The sound ceased and the hand withdrew back to the heap of blankets. However, due to the motion of the withdrawing hand, clock was accidentally pushed to the side of the table and it fell down to the carpeted floor. A groan of irritation came from the sleepy pile of blankets and pillows. The mattress creaked as he moved to his side.
really anime-like scenario... though these are ordinary opening scenes that are acceptable to the anime, they aren't as useful here because they really don't contribute to any part of the story. Shorten this part of the description so the story moves faster.

Quote:

Blue is a dark brown haired girl just like Green. Except she kept her hair long and she was quite perky and lively.
"except" isn't used correctly here... except is a conjunction, but here it isn't linking to anything. The period in front of except has to be changed to a comma.

Quote:

Not that she’s his girlfriend (except that she was once Green’s girlfriend) or anything but Blue likes to get presents (she has the habit of taking any present that wasn’t intended to be hers…in other cases, ripping them off).
this one is awkward... the syntax can be reworked so not so many brackets are in use. The part about liking presents is rather repeated by the bracket as well...

-Green's behavior is a bit OOC for him o.O; He's too cool in the manga to ever do that (assuming that he does like Yellow) >>; Sounds more like a Gold-thing type... same thing for Red... he's tacking on to the same style of personality as Blue O.o; These 2 are the main characters and their personality are all weird compare to the manga that we all know and love... huge problem.

Quote:

He asked Red to give those to Yellow instead of giving them personally.
a bit confusing... as Red giving it to Yellow is also giving it to her "personally." You want to be clear in your writing.

-slightly confusing in terms of story structure... you talk about the kissing scene (a year ago) after you talk about the valentine's day for this year... it gets really confusing to see that Green left with the yellow flowers and then you're suddenly talking about the chocolate and a bouquet of flowers... possible that the flowers are the same yellow ones, but where did the chocolate come from if that was from the same time period? The story jumps back and forth in terms of time a bit too much... making it confusing. Is it the kissing scene 1 year ago, or the 2 day before valentine's day, or is this valentine's day? No idea...

Quote:

He noticed that he was glaring. For some reason unknown, he decided to ignore him and continued running.
i think there's some silly mistakes in punctuation here... perhaps it should be a comma, and then the period? It'll make much more sense (after adding in the necessary conjunctions of course) that way

-some of the details don't contribute to the fanfic so you can take those details away... for example, how Yellow's next class is four floors down... unless four is somehow significant (which i doubt), that's a useless piece of info...

-the part where 1st person narrator is used is so cute... but then later the 1st person narrative is gone and its' back to 3rd person again. Stick to one type of narrative throughout the story, and i think the story will work better this way...

Good Points
-1st person narrative section is effective in conveying its atmosphere
-romance mixed with small amount of humor

Future Improvements
-further refining your story so it contains no irrelevant detail (difficult to do but try)
-story structure when flashback is used
-fix up some silly mistakes (like punctuations) with more proofreading

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 9/10
Coherence/Readability: 7/10
Characterization: 12/20
Story Structure: 10/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 14/15 (good job)
Diction: 14/20
Effort/Originality: 12/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (1st person narrative)


total: 83

Avegaille May 14th, 2005 4:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sequoia
talking about me there? thought so...we were only posting in HLBMA, nothing bad ::whistles:: XDD SPPF isn't that bad, i'm serious...my fic is still on the first page, even if i posted there last...

Lol, yes, we're talking about you there too! lol!

Welcoem to the fan fic section Jane! I hope you'll post here since Breezy and I will be talking baout people who loves to bump threads.....

I don't see in PC about bumping threads rules though.....

And uh, is it necessary to do reviews here? Okay then, here's my fic then...

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=33828

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon May 14th, 2005 8:54 PM

Is it only Pokemon storys that are part of the fic of the week or are the 'Other' storys counted also? It's doesn't have pokemon in it, but uses the same idea: catching with a ball. I don't mind if it isn't included. I believe it's length (43 long chapters) has frightened readers/reviewers away. Rated PG-13.

Bishounen: Demoonica's Story

Geometric-sama May 15th, 2005 4:46 AM

Lily ish busy~

*stares at first Pokéfic* That thing was crap. :) I should take it out of my sig. Except it's still in progress XD *goes off to write more oneshots*

"JA: The Oneshot Specialist Who Couldn't Write Chapter Fics To Save Her Life"

Casual Billy May 15th, 2005 5:28 PM

Hey, is Annie online? 'Cause this post is for her, Annie Wonucares.

Dear Annie,

Mah fic's been updated after a period of about a month and 3/4ths. Check it out. The delay was not due to writer's block or anything just....well, check it out. I liked writing it and I hope you will like reading it. If you haven't been reading the fic thus far, start at chapter 4 because that's where it picks up.

Sincerely,
Billy5772

Strawberry Delcatty May 15th, 2005 10:41 PM

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=38879
The prologue to my new fic is up. I'll work on chapter 1 a bit tomorrow and try to be done on Friday.

Aiya Quackform May 15th, 2005 10:56 PM

Hey, all. I was wondering if any of you would be so kind as to drop me a couple of reviews at fictionpress:

http://www.fictionpress.com/~aiyaquackform

I haven't gotten any there, and it's starting to depress me. :/ Anyway, they're both short, "Sins & Scars" in particular, (it's less than 250 words.) Thanks in advance!

IceKing May 16th, 2005 3:08 PM

Quote:

Dear Annie,

Mah fic's been updated after a period of about a month and 3/4ths. Check it out. The delay was not due to writer's block or anything just....well, check it out. I liked writing it and I hope you will like reading it. If you haven't been reading the fic thus far, start at chapter 4 because that's where it picks up.

Sincerely,
Billy5772
Billly, you're a freak. (we're friends so I can bash him!)

I came to ask if theirs anything that can be done about the length limit? If not, whats the best way to get the charachters in a section of your chapter because my word count is innacurate and I constantly have to edit my posts over and over.

Shuko May 16th, 2005 7:12 PM

*Squee!!!* This is so much fun! I've posted chapter two of my Pokefic, "The Power to Shine"! :D I'd forgotten how much fun fanfiction writing could be! Read and review if you get the chance! Otherwise, no cookies for you! Lol. Just kidding, guys! I don't have any cookies... lol. *Goes off to pout in her cookie-less existence*

Sorry for the weirdness. I'm in genki mode right now. The cold medicine is starting to kick in! Let's hear it for Sudafed! Yeah!

Avegaille May 17th, 2005 6:12 PM

Not much going on here.......

Oh, well, here in PC, you don't expect people to review on your threads anyways.....

TTYO May 17th, 2005 7:21 PM

TTYO lifts up his hood.
Greetings, I have updated Pokemon Revenge Ep1 Enter The Field. A climatic battle is starting between Mount Silver Pokemon and Silver Town. The Wild Force will sacrifice many members to the jaws of Wild Pokemon.

The Tierra Guardians from Team Rocket will be trying to reach San, Giovanni's daughter, who is joining Celebi to fight Silver Town.

I will be there.....

Just KIDDING HAH A HA HA

oni flygon May 17th, 2005 8:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avegaille Spellman
Not much going on here.......

Oh, well, here in PC, you don't expect people to review on your threads anyways.....

Nope, but you ask reviews from our master reviewer Frostweaver...

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon May 17th, 2005 8:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niko
Nope, but you ask reviews from our master reviewer Frostweaver...

Point Frostweaver to my story if/when they have Three Hours free to devote to a huge non-pokemon story. (It's a close to one as you can get without useing pokemon.) It's actually longer than the 'Other Fanfiction's Lounge' thread! *Laughs* I never did get an answer if non-pokemon storys could win fic of the week though.

Avegaille May 17th, 2005 9:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niko
Nope, but you ask reviews from our master reviewer Frostweaver...

Well, she sent me a Pm and I replkied to it, but still, maybe she's too busy to do reviews as of now.....

Frostweaver May 17th, 2005 10:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Demoonica Darkmoon
I never did get an answer if non-pokemon storys could win fic of the week though.

I'm pretty sure it's a *no* simply because this is the Pokemon fanfiction section ^^; Not that your fanfic is bad, but just because this part of the forum reserves the special recognition to fanfics centered around Pokemon. However, that allows you the access to win whatever awards they got (hopefully they got some) over in other writing.

As for reviewing a non-Pokemon fanfic, sure I don't see why not provided that I finish up with the 2 Pokemon ones I got right now first. However, I'm very sure that if the story is as long as you've claimed it to be, 3 hour is definitely not enough... It takes me 3 hours to do a review on perhaps 2500 words worth of story... Yeah I work slow >>;

Right now i still have to study for Physics IB... by the 20th should be able to do 2 reviews. I read 3 of the 6 chapters for PMC already, and there's hardly any visible mistakes so that review should be done quickly ^o^; and then I can move on to Four Friends to a New Beginning (from the title though, there's a 95% chance that this story is capped to be above good but probably not enough into the ranks of Standard of Excellence... that much I can say. Only PMC got such a terribly dull title yet surprises everyone with an excellent script format ;p)

Geometric-sama May 17th, 2005 11:14 PM

When I was still a mod there we didn't have any awards, simply because it was rather... inactive, but maybe they've put some in now~


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