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Sequoia May 18th, 2005 2:47 AM

lol...Frostweaver'll be busy if there are heaps and heaps of people who want their fic reviewed...XD my fic has no reviewers, except from SPPF...

Dragonfree May 18th, 2005 3:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
As for reviewing a non-Pokemon fanfic, sure I don't see why not provided that I finish up with the 2 Pokemon ones I got right now first.

*pokes* Umm, I did reply to your PM...

Sima Yi's Apprentice May 18th, 2005 3:04 AM

Mine has no reviews on it either. I don't care who replies to mine, I just want someone to do it. I'm starting to think that people just don't like it. So, to anyone who does relpy to it, many thanks.

Strawberry Delcatty May 18th, 2005 6:38 AM

EXPECTED DEADLINES FOR "DEEPEST WISHES" CHAPTERS
5/21/05 - Chapter 1
5/28/05 - Chapter 2
6/4/05 - Chapter 3

Shuko May 18th, 2005 7:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xion: The Master Of Steel
Mine has no reviews on it either. I don't care who replies to mine, I just want someone to do it. I'm starting to think that people just don't like it. So, to anyone who does relpy to it, many thanks.

When it comes to fanfiction, you can't let a lack of reviews get to you - especially around here. I'm more guilty than most, but I'm sure a lot of people just don't read too many other fanfics than their own and the ones they've been reading for a while. When and if you do get reviews, you have to be grateful for what you can get. ^^; And you can't really take any of it to heart - even the good ones. Letting a good review give you a swelled head can be just as damaging as letting a bad review spoil your experience. I look at it this way: write your fiction for the pure joy of writing. Don't worry what other people think. If you have a lot of fun writing it, then all the rest will fall into place. But if you're writing just to receive reviews, the only advice I could give you is to give your public what you're pretty sure they want. Read a few of the most popular stories; get to know what people really like, and just go from there. But I wouldn't recommend doing it that way anyway. I would think that would take all the fun out of it. :(

Btw, I left you a review on your thread. Go read it if you have ten minutes to spare, lol.

Frostweaver May 18th, 2005 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xion: The Master Of Steel
Mine has no reviews on it either. I don't care who replies to mine, I just want someone to do it. I'm starting to think that people just don't like it. So, to anyone who does relpy to it, many thanks.

Fanfic reviews don't come to you. You go to them.

I'm certain that there's no reviews because you aren't the one on the active side to hunt down reviews (yes, that's how it works anywhere but fanfiction.net) or there's a definite need for improvement of a better title...

Shuko May 18th, 2005 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
Fanfic reviews don't come to you. You go to them.

I'm certain that there's no reviews because you aren't the one on the active side to hunt down reviews (yes, that's how it works anywhere but fanfiction.net)

I don't understand... what do you mean hunt down reviews? Do you mean we should, like, PM people who've reviewed other fics and beg them to review our own? That sounds awfully spammy to me. :(

Or do you mean we should go read a bunch of other fanfics and write reviews for them in the hopes that they might review ours back? *A kind of "I'll scratch your back if you review my fic" kinda deal*

Either way I'd feel kinda silly. I want my fic to be reviewed honestly, and in my own idealistic way of thinking, part of that is in their [the readers'] actually having the interest to take the initiative themselves. Have I been looking at this the wrong way?

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon May 18th, 2005 2:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
However, that allows you the access to win whatever awards they got (hopefully they got some) over in other writing.
However, I'm very sure that if the story is as long as you've claimed it to be, 3 hour is definitely not enough... It takes me 3 hours to do a review on perhaps 2500 words worth of story...

The place is fairly DEAD I'm afraid, so no awards or such. I have had two lovely reviews though, I thank you both. As for it's length, (100,000 / 2500 = 40, 40 x 3 = 120) set aside 120 hours then, because it's about 100,000 words in length. Uh, at that rate I'd say I'll see the review sometime near Cristmas. *laughs*

EDIT: I just posted a pokemon fic I wrote back in 1998. It's just been on my computer and I thought 'Why not?'

Casual Billy May 18th, 2005 3:39 PM

Billy: Can you say (Billy holds up a sign with the following words written on it)"new Worlds Away chapter?!"

Audience: ...

Billy: Of course you can't! Who can talk in italics?!

Audience: We're un-amused

Billy: Really? What'd you all think about the last chapter?

Audience: (Loud collective yawn)

Billy: What? You all are crazy. That one introduced a new character, had some comedy, and the beginning of a battle at the end which i guess is kinda like a cliffy ending. How can you be...

Audience: We're un-affected.

Billy: Whatever. New chapter's out y'all. If you liked the last one (I'm assuming I have a closet reader at least) *Billy opens up a nearby closet to find someone inside reading another book* I guess those are the kind of closet readers I get. Anyway, this one has a battle in it, some character development of this new girl and a further development. Here are what other reviewers (from serebii) have said about this chapter:

Quote:

Whee, I liked this chapter. Good mix of both battle and character devolepment
Quote:

Pretty good. That seemed like quite a bizarre conversation between Sarah and Jack there^^. Hehe.
Quote:

Well, that's a definate cliffy...great chappie, lookin' forward to reading the next one!
Quote:

Oooooooh! Very interesing. This was not what I expected, but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. ^^

Your vocaubulary and grammar is excellent, as are your descriptions. It all has a very cinematic feel to it, especially with the music.
Quote:

Giovanni describes your fic quite well:

“Marvelous, just marvelous.”...

I can honestly say that I loved this story. It isn't as dark and dramatic like L.O.A (which isn't a bad thing; I really love gloomy stories) but that's the hidden charm. The lighthearted tone of the story is a really nice change (and many people prefer to read stories like that). The plot also kept me very interested all the way. I noticed there's more humor here, which I'm grateful for.
You heard 'em, it's good stuff. Help me make it even better by giving me your feedback and criticisms. I really think the story gets a WHOLE LOT better in chapters 6+ than the ones which preceeded those chapters and it continues to supercede this quality as the fic progresses. So check it out!

oni flygon May 18th, 2005 3:42 PM

No awards because no one participates in them, dammit! *points at Fanfic of the week and Frostweaver's standard of excellence thinigies* You can get those if you want to... ><

Stop comparing you idiots or I'll have to give you some warnings! XP

Shuko May 18th, 2005 4:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niko
No awards because no one participates in them, dammit! *points at Fanfic of the week and Frostweaver's standard of excellence thinigies* You can get those if you want to... ><

Stop comparing you idiots or I'll have to give you some warnings! XP

Well, this may earn me a warning, but I'm gonna post it anyway. XD As of right now, here's how it stands:

Stats:
Other Forum:
I got 1 review, and it sounded suspiciously like a member I know here. XP
Here:
I got three reviews, although they were from two reviewers. :P

Calculation:
Other Forum = 1 - (1 Probably didn't count) = 0 = Nobody there reads N00b fics = Nobody there likee me. ;_;
PokeCommunity = 2 (+ 1 for return reviewer! XD) = 3 = Peoples here are open-minded = Me gots warm fuzzy feeling. *^_^*

Conclusion:
Nobody there likee me < Me gots warm fuzzy feeling --->
$PPf < PokeCommunity

How's that for a comparison? :P

Breezy May 18th, 2005 4:11 PM

Fanfic awards are mostly based off popularity anyways. Some fics should win a category of course, but it's most likely that they got a few votes because their well known. Heh.

As for reviewers, you run after them, jump on them, hog tie them and shove your story in the face. People have been doing that for years. XP

oni flygon May 18th, 2005 4:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shuko
Well, this may earn me a warning, but I'm gonna post it anyway. XD As of right now, here's how it stands:

Stats:
Other Forum:
I got 1 review, and it sounded suspiciously like a member I know here. XP
Here:
I got three reviews, although they were from two reviewers. :P

Calculation:
Other Forum = 1 - (1 Probably didn't count) = 0 = Nobody there reads N00b fics = Nobody there likee me. ;_;
PokeCommunity = 2 (+ 1 for return reviewer! XD) = 3 = Peoples here are open-minded = Me gots warm fuzzy feeling. *^_^*

Conclusion:
Nobody there likee me < Me gots warm fuzzy feeling --->
$PPf < PokeCommunity

How's that for a comparison? :P

That one's fine... At least that one's reasonable... XD

Strawberry Delcatty May 18th, 2005 4:11 PM

I'm thinking about putting up part of chapter 1 of Deepest Wishes up already, but I'm wondering whether or not that's a good idea. I'm trying to avoid having a chapter go over the 20,000 character limit, but I'm also trying to avoid rushing my chapters like I did with HMW.

I'm also thinking about going to update daily over the summer so that my story can constantly stay fresh. Then again, there's going to be my new version of HMW as well as another fic I'm working on called Feline Symphony, and those would probably get updated a lot as well. I REALLY don't want to bug people to beta read on a daily basis, so I'll proofread them myself. Rest assured that if daily updates DO happen for all three stories, at least ONE chapter will be up before midnight that day.

What do you guys think I should do?

oni flygon May 18th, 2005 4:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Fanfic awards are mostly based off popularity anyways. Some fics should win a category of course, but it's most likely that they got a few votes because their well known. Heh.

As for reviewers, you run after them, jump on them, hog tie them and shove your story in the face. People have been doing that for years. XP

Yep, that's true...

I get less reviews in the poetry forum when I bled and sweat to write them... then to see crappy poems get these other reviews... v.v

Shuko May 18th, 2005 4:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Fanfic awards are mostly based off popularity anyways. Some fics should win a category of course, but it's most likely that they got a few votes because their well known. Heh.

As for reviewers, you run after them, jump on them, hog tie them and shove your story in the face. People have been doing that for years. XP

Well... I haven't really been around PC long enough to be popular yet. -_-;... And I don't really care about winnin' no contests. I just wanna feel like my readers are enjoying themselves when they read my stuff... But I guess I'll swallow my pride and give it a try...

*Takes deep breath*

Go read my Fic, you entertainment-deprived, pathetic peoples!!!!1

Okie-dokey! ^_^

Casual Billy May 18th, 2005 4:48 PM

I'm strangely compelled by that message. I should try it too.

oh. I'm in the quick reply box. No giant letters for me. I'm sad that I'm too lazy to just copy this and click post reply...and i just lost interest in describing the process I'm too lazy to do...hmmm...

Maybe this will be just as effective:

READ MY FIC YOU PEOPLES! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN TELL ME WHY AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR TIME BACK...EETNURAUG SUGOB.

Breezy May 18th, 2005 4:54 PM

Actually, you don't have to be at a place for a long time to become "popular" on a forum. You can just talk to a lot of people or be well-known on another site.

Btw Neko (can I call you that? Maybe I shouldn't; we have a Niko already anyways. :P Plus, I know a few people have heart attacks when I don't type ALL of their usernames), posting daily can be both good and bad. Readers that are hooked onto your fic will love you since you're updating quickly, but some might not. For some odd reason, people like me hate it when people update quick status. Don't ask us why (least not me anyways) for we do not know hehe.

Speaking of character limit, what is the character limit here? Some of my short chapters need to be split in half sometimes. o0

Edit: Aw, I wanna scream blind fury too.

READ MY FIC DAMMIT!

^_^ Nah, you don't have to. I just wanna to say that. I already have a lot of reviews for Who Shot Brendan Birch anyways.

Casual Billy May 18th, 2005 4:58 PM

With the posting daily thing: Yeah, sometimes it can turn potential readers off because it seems like they can never catch up. While I'm writing a fic, I usually wait an average of 5-7 days before posting a new chapter. Here, it's been kinda difficult to delay updating though as I'm merely translating a fic that's already completed onto the boards here. I posted 1 chapter on the 16th and another like an hour ago. But that was after a month and a half of nothing though, so it evens out.

Yamato-san May 18th, 2005 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Fanfic awards are mostly based off popularity anyways. Some fics should win a category of course, but it's most likely that they got a few votes because their well known. Heh.

exactly. Recently on.... a certain forum.... I suffered a humiliating loss in a contest. My Kiryuu, my loveable and very deep talking lizard, was nominated for best Pokemon antagonist. There was only one other nomination, who didn't seem very good at that, I thought I had that prize in the bag. Instead, Kiryuu loses to a Lugia that's barely around for a single chapter and seems confused on hell on what its intentions are (it wants revenge on its cousin, it was lonely for its cousin, what does it want?). I didn't end up winning the other awards I was nominated for neither, and for that matter, just ONE person nominated me at all. That's why these popularity awards can be such a bad thing. Overrated fics get all the credit, well-done fics keep getting overlooked because they only have some d*mn closet readers supporting them. That's why I love this forum so much. I don't need to rely on waiting for some loyal reader to come up and spread the word about my fic. Instead, this place has a great, seemingly-unbiased reviewer and fanfiction of the weeks doing that. It really makes me feel appreciate, so appreciated that I feel no need to shout out to read my fic like others before me did. Of the four forums I currently post PMC at, this seems like one of my favorites.

Frostweaver May 18th, 2005 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by billy5772
With the posting daily thing: Yeah, sometimes it can turn potential readers off because it seems like they can never catch up. While I'm writing a fic, I usually wait an average of 5-7 days before posting a new chapter. Here, it's been kinda difficult to delay updating though as I'm merely translating a fic that's already completed onto the boards here. I posted 1 chapter on the 16th and another like an hour ago. But that was after a month and a half of nothing though, so it evens out.

There's always room for updates and revision. There's plenty to do in one week of time... I'll love to write too but then I can just never get the time to do so =/

Updating once a week is, in my own opinion, *THE* most effective rate of updates for an author who haven't covered enough grounds to be "popular." If you got "popular," then keep up that 1 week update rate until you finish that fanfic. Afterwards, start a new one and update even slower for better quality. Since you're popular, you won't be forgotton even if you update say, once every 2 weeks instead. Just be sure to drop by and appear everyday, and you can maintain popularity.

(yes there's a whole world out there with all these ways to improve your writing skills that aren't related to writing itself O.o; Makes me want to take up psychology even more...)

Yes popularity is quite annoying at times... especially in contests like that. =/ But then again... I read the 12 chapters of PMC, and I personally won't nominate Kiryuu for the best antagonist either in a contest for the Best Pokemon Fanfic Antagonist. Possibly because it's still early in the story, but so far my vote goes to either Angelique of Trials of Reluctance, or Ashura from the classical Pokemon MASTERS (who said that the antagonist of the protagonist can't be the protagonist himself? 3/4 of the troubles caused in the story are all started by Ash himself anyway...)

ffotw can be biased at times if both Lily and Oni are busy and they're rushing on that Sunday to nominate something XD; Those times are rare and far inbetween though...

Sequoia May 19th, 2005 2:06 AM

uh oh...this makes me think that my fic is bad now, since i have a little group of reviewers...

Strawberry Delcatty May 19th, 2005 6:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
There's always room for updates and revision. There's plenty to do in one week of time... I'll love to write too but then I can just never get the time to do so =/

Updating once a week is, in my own opinion, *THE* most effective rate of updates for an author who haven't covered enough grounds to be "popular." If you got "popular," then keep up that 1 week update rate until you finish that fanfic. Afterwards, start a new one and update even slower for better quality. Since you're popular, you won't be forgotton even if you update say, once every 2 weeks instead. Just be sure to drop by and appear everyday, and you can maintain popularity.

However, there are some people out there who have a bad habit of missing deadlines (which I would be guilty of when I don't have chapter 1 of DW up by Saturday as mentioned on the previous page).

Frostweaver May 19th, 2005 9:37 AM

deadlines don't make much of a big deal... as long as it's roughly a week leater ^_^; Deadlines can have a reversed effect by disappointing your readers if you failed to meet them, so in the end deadlines are like a gambling tool... And also for whatever reason that I don't know of, writers who don't have a certain fanbase yet never seem to do too well with a deadline... it just happens but I don't get why... =/

And Sequoia no I don't think that you got the "little group of reviewers" because I haven't heard of your name any place elsewhere.

The only "famous" writer around is Breezy. Who wouldn't know Breezy, the starter of all RS fanfics based on Brendan and May? When the game first came out, Breezy was the only one to write 3 different fanfics all about Brendan and May, and for a while started a whole new trend on Fanfiction.net ^_^ Breezy continued to write after the newgained popularity and managed to maintain it.

Won't say any other people here are exactly "famous" but maybe at most "well known." All the others are mostly famous in 2 forums or so, but only Breezy is known widely across the web, and especially in Fanfiction.net

Shuko May 19th, 2005 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
deadlines don't make much of a big deal... as long as it's roughly a week leater ^_^; Deadlines can have a reversed effect by disappointing your readers if you failed to meet them, so in the end deadlines are like a gambling tool... And also for whatever reason that I don't know of, writers who don't have a certain fanbase yet never seem to do too well with a deadline... it just happens but I don't get why... =/

And Sequoia no I don't think that you got the "little group of reviewers" because I haven't heard of your name any place elsewhere.

The only "famous" writer around is Breezy. Who wouldn't know Breezy, the starter of all RS fanfics based on Brendan and May? When the game first came out, Breezy was the only one to write 3 different fanfics all about Brendan and May, and for a while started a whole new trend on Fanfiction.net ^_^ Breezy continued to write after the newgained popularity and managed to maintain it.

Won't say any other people here are exactly "famous" but maybe at most "well known." All the others are mostly famous in 2 forums or so, but only Breezy is known widely across the web, and especially in Fanfiction.net

Meh... famousness is relative. When I was going under the Penname Kamejen, I wrote a "famous" DBZ story called "The REAL Story of Bulma Briefs." It got me a very large fanbase, and it was fun an' all, but when I lost interest in DBZ it really sucked. I wouldn't advise going for those long serials if you think there's a possibility you'll lose interest. ^^; But then again, who knows which twist or turn your head will take, lol?

Yamato-san May 19th, 2005 1:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
Yes popularity is quite annoying at times... especially in contests like that. =/ But then again... I read the 12 chapters of PMC, and I personally won't nominate Kiryuu for the best antagonist either in a contest for the Best Pokemon Fanfic Antagonist.

hmmm.... good point. I like him so much, but only I as the author knows what he does in the future, what his background is, how he develops, etc. As it stands, readers are probably getting the impression that he's a totally perfect Gary Stuish character, only he's an antagonist instead of a protagonist. He is very strong and extremely intelligent, a better strategist than several humans for that matter, several traits which are surprising for a common Pokemon to have, and I needed to make that first impression somehow, to let everyone know what kind of enemy Hiro and Eievui could be dealing with. I also didn't want his first defeat to be near as pathetic, unrealistic, and rushed as I had it in the old version. Still, there's no excuse for the lame amount of nominations I got in that contest. You'd think, at the very least, I'd be a shoe-in the "Most Original Author" category, but the one person who nominates me didn't even do that.

Speaking of the old version, remember earlier when I brought up making a thread for it? Should I do that? Am I even allowed to do that? It may seem embarassing as hell for me, but it would be interesting for people to see how much I progressed in terms of story-telling, and how..... different.... it is for me to attempt a narrative. This should also hold everyone over until my college classes end next week. There won't be any spoilers, since I'll be posting old chapters coinciding with the events of the current chapters' revisions. Again, I'm asking if such a thread would even be acceptable before I attempt this.

Breezy May 19th, 2005 4:45 PM

Well, not all the winners of the awards at that "certain forum" were overrated. Some fics were good like Dragonfree's (I closet read a few chapters :P ) and Lileh's one-shots... Lileh won right? o_O;

It's always like every ten pages that my "famousness" at ff.net appears in this thread somehow lol. Those silly little Ru/Sa writers... I'd use to love it when they'd use my characters in their own fics and when I'd get flames via e-mail because the person was too chicken to post on my review board. Let us not forget them crazy hoennshippers!

Good times. :) I think my rep at ff.net has died a bit though. 'Course, I wouldn't really know how everyone else thinks of me anyways.

Avegaille May 19th, 2005 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
It's always like every ten pages that my "famousness" at ff.net appears in this thread somehow lol. Those silly little Ru/Sa writers... I'd use to love it when they'd use my characters in their own fics and when I'd get flames via e-mail because the person was too chicken to post on my review board. Let us not forget them crazy hoennshippers!

Good times. :) I think my rep at ff.net has died a bit though. 'Course, I wouldn't really know how everyone else thinks of me anyways.

........... yeah, but I think you still have loads of fans there, your fanfic even gets plagerized....

I know how plagerization feels.... and I can still find it even today......

Casual Billy May 20th, 2005 12:18 PM

Who doesn't love the weekend? Nobody, that's who! Start your weekend off right by reading a freshly squeezed (as of like 3 months ago) chapter of Everybody's (My friend, Everybody) favorite fic, Worlds Away! Look for a quote in my sig in a couple of minutes.

Chapter 10 is up! A quote from 9 is in the sig.

Dragonfree May 20th, 2005 12:21 PM

*hides from SPPf awards complaints*

Err... well, I think the spirit is kinda different. In here, I tend not to get any reviews for most of my chapters - at the Serebiiforums, I have like two pages of replies per chapter. (Might have to do with the fact that I'm a mod there, but...) But there my one-shots tend to be very overlooked (and I jealously watch one-shots by for example Spectreon get five pages of replies while my newest one-shot only gets one). My one-shots usually get a few replies here... it's like people read shorter fics more and longer fics less here or something. Dunno...

Casual Billy May 20th, 2005 12:36 PM

I think that there is just a general lack of reviewers all together. The people that populate the fanfic forum here at PC are like all writers (that's what it seems like) and there are only like two reviewers (that I know of). I don't know, that's probably the reason that most peoples' fics don't get reviewed much or at all.

Frostweaver May 20th, 2005 1:12 PM

In theory, writers will also be "forced" to review others if they want to be reviewed and gain popularity. You also have to review other people's work in order for other people to have heard of your name. Also, you are "forced" to read others' work in order to improve your own writing, or to look for inspiration and so on. Sadly, post count hunters use fanfic forum as an easy way to mine off the numbers sometimes...

As for the "Green forum," they have a much bigger population, which means that a lot of fanfics are being published/updated every day. With so much fanfics, you can't possibly read them on. So you go by popularity, and look for names of famous authors who are rather promising in their quality of their work. It's rather understandable why that happens. In PC, it's more likely that less known authors get reviews because there's less choices to choose from, so readers can use the time to read fanfics by some less known writers as well. As for the length issue, there are tricks to determine when to update in order to get the most out of it.


@ Pocket Monster Chronicles ch. 7-12, Yamato-san

-k not going to do it by quotes as I think you're well enough to know what to look out for if I just point it out... it'll take too long ^^;

-a few titles can stand to use some change... there's a few of them that aren't so effective, and kinda blend. They don't exactly have the japanese Pokemon anime/manga title style either...

-Pro. Elm (or whatever his japanese name is O.o; )'s character is quite well done, except that when he questions Hiro about his Hiro taking Pokemon classes, his character "slipped" there as Elm suddenly lost all sense of his quickness and awareness to his observations... or maybe there was a sudden "lag" for him to recall how Hiro failed to use a Monster ball... that scenario there seemed to make Elm's character a bit inconsistent... slightly

-a few things end up being repeated due to the nature that this fanfic is trying a "bit" too hard to sound like a manga-in-text. For example, Hiro's clumsiness regarding the Monster ball seems to be rather repetitive. Hiro usually says something about it, then the almost exact same thing is being told to the readers again through stage direction. Preferably, Hiro's narration can be shortened in order to save some lines and leave the stage direction to do the description, instead of the whole thing being repeated side by side.

-The battles in PMC is just not as appealing as your other oneshot that I read before... The battle of Kiryuu and the other trainers isn't as thrilling as Sabonea's battle in your other oneshot. In here, it's just offensive attack vs offensive attack. In the other battle, the trainers are battling very realistically with many strategical moves, such as taking advantage of the terrain or supportive moves. Though it's understood that the trainers (who are suppose to be weak at battling, such as Hiro) uses pure offensive moves, the battle can be a lot better if the expert (Kiryuu) of the battle uses a mixture of various attacks in order to achieve an ultimate result in the battle. Pure offensive moves after offensive moves tend to get a bit boring.

-I'll personally think that you're being quite cautious to the point of slightly being paranoid about Hiro's character. Readers understand that Hiro is rather confused on his close attachment to Pokemon, as Hiro questions himself about it. However, it is also understood that this question will linger in his mind, unsolved, until some further events happen along the way. Therefore, there isn't really a need to repeat the same thinking process time after time for 3 chapters, or at least not in such details again in the later chapters. Right now it's slowing down your story a bit.

-very minor grammar problems, but they don't cause much of a problem at all

Good Points
-correct script format
-original way to start an OT
-humor

Future Improvements
-make battles more diverse in attack types
-reduce lag in story
-chapter titles

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 10/10
Coherence/Readability: 10/10
Characterization: 17/20
Story Structure: 11/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 14/15
Diction: 18/20
Effort/Originality: 15/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (tension release)


total: 90

Frostweaver May 20th, 2005 2:05 PM

@ Four Friends to a New Beginning ch.1, Avegaille Spellman

-cliché title that will definitely scare readers away... it spells "OT" all over it, which generally repels readers. It's possibly too revealing as well. By default you know that "well it must be a story of 4 friends starting their own Pokemon adventure and then on to the badges." Even if this isn't the truth, the readers take it by default, and won't bother to click on this story to read it then.

Quote:

It may seem that time had passed
be sure to be consistent on your verb tenses. Choose between past and present, and stick with one.

-*long cultural lesson alert*

possibly a misleading allusion/symbolism by naming your character's last name as "amethyst," which not only means a pretty purple colored stone but usually demonic/pagan, or unholy in nature. Amethyst means "remedy for intoxication" and some cults/religion used amethyst gems as a mean for treatment against diseases in the past, and such an act is considered "demonic" by the Catholic church, which influences the development of the English language and this is stuck with us today. In fact, any purple gems or stones aren't the most righteous in the old Catholic church, with has indirectly instructed our language to think in the same way. Since your writing's audiences are mostly from the western world, you may also have to put their tradition into account when you're dealing with anything that's possibly symbolic in nature. This is also the reason why if we have some oriental or Australian readers coming across this name, they'll consider the last name as totally suitable and fine. You must consider cultural background when you're writing.

Quote:

She had short black hair and wore an orange T-shirt, a white hooded jacket and a black skirt.
It's good that you're inserting character development. Now we'll take it to the next level to go beyond acceptable level of fanfic writing. Don't do this anymore. Don't insert a whole paragraph or sentence of nothing but physical character descriptions. Always insert a bit of action verbs in order to keep the story flowing, or else the story seems to come to a stop at a "sidetrack." Physical descriptions should always be accompanied by some action verbs in order to reduce the boring aspect of physical description. Same thing applies to the later characters' entrance as well. Also, it is advices that you don't throw out every aspect of the characters' physical description at once as well. Chop it up and feed it to your readers bit by bit throughout the story, instead of all at the beginning.

Quote:

“Well, okay, then,” Avegaille murmured out as she stood up. “I’ll see you some other time then.”
A difficult thing to avoid, but do try your best. Here "then" is repeated here, and it sounds boring in terms of diction to use the same word so frequently.

Quote:

Moving on… literally!
Understood that the pun is meant to be humorous, but at the same time you suddenly switched the story from 3rd narrative to 1st narrative for just 3 words, then back to 3rd narrative again... Don't switch narrative unless it's very important. Switching narratives have a dramatic effect on your story, and it can work both ways...

-some dialogues give you a really anime-feeling... in writings, some parts can be summarized and condensed as part of the narration, instead of forcing your characters to say everything, such as those "goodbyes" type of thing... condense your writing to have the least amount of words as you can in order to reduce length.

-just a note: "May Maples" is a common mistake in terms of "official" last names, similar to "Misty Waterflowers." It is just that the dubbers are saying things a bit too fast and it turned out similar to Maples when the judge of the Pokemon Competition is trying to say something else... Then some fanfic writers take that last name for May (just like what happened to Misty) and then everyone other writer copies and follow... o.o; just a note... it's fine to use that last name but it's NOT OFFICIAL >>;

-if you're trying to use the May from the anime for your May, then she isn't wearing a "white miniskirt" over her biker shorts. It's just a t-shirt of some kind that's not tucked in, or possibly the end of her red shirt is white... it's awfully too small to be even a miniskirt o.o;

-have no idea what's with the latias part...

Quote:

He was currently being attacked by more than one Zigzagoon.
By not just say "attacked by a few Zigzagoons"? Try to be as fluent in your narration as possible. Hiring beta readers or proof read multiple amount of times will help.

-the battle was rather quick and short... It's similar to the anime where the hero/ine's Pokemon are invincible and one attack wipes out the opponent before they can do much of anything...

-the story is generally lacking in terms of emotional character development... the most we got out of is May being the devious one out of the four. The other three share the flawless personality which shouldn't exist at all. It makes your story feel like an anime production even more than it is already, and any fanfic that has the Pokemon-anime-style cannot possibly be a very good fanfic. Distance yourself from the anime as much as possible. Definitely and again, avoid "flawless characters."

-heavy giveaways are also not recommanded... if the readers are able to predict the outcome of the story early on, why bother reading on until the end? The story gives off heavy hints in terms of who's going to be with who in the future, set in stone... *Generally* romances in action/adventure fanfics come either instanteously, or gradually... in between of nowhere is not a good thing. (note: generally means that there are exceptions to the rule, but it's definitely very difficult to do so, and for now I'll recommand you to follow the general writing guides first)

-I'll stop off at chapter 1 as there's more than enough to work on until the next review already. As for the prediction from me before I start reading that this is definitely going to be an OT fanfic, I guess it's fulfilled then ^^; Therefore, the title must have been too revealing, and too much of a cliche, stereotypical OT.

Good Points
-beginning of character developments
-beginning of descriptions
-grammar are mostly correct

Future Improvements
-emotional character descriptions
-fix "OT errors"
-be more original; stay away from being "anime-style"

Title: 2/5
Grammar Basics: 9/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 8/20
Story Structure: 6/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 7/15
Diction: 8/20
Effort/Originality: 10/15
Lit. Device bonus: +0


total: 59

Yamato-san May 20th, 2005 2:39 PM

and through all of it, I still scored a 90 ^^.

Yeah, I'm not really certain on Hiro's character development at the moment, and I did feel I was repeating too much of it at times (and you're still gonna see this in the next few chapters). He's supposed to go from a person who was attached to his life at home to a guy who gains some interest in Pokemon, but I'm trying to make some effort to develop him as such without making it seem.... well, I'm still waiting to see if making a seperate thread for the old version's acceptable, but if you look at it, you'll see what I mean about not making seem like that. But right now, I'd consider my script to be a rough draft. I still intend to make this a doujinshi in the future, and I would like to finalize my storyline and dialogue as best I could by then. Any advice on his development would be greatly appreciated.

What do you mean by Pokemon anime/manga style? Are you suggesting I should be having "Vs. ???" like in Pocket Monsters Special? Or double titles like the anime? I don't know if you realize this, but I'm not going for a Pocket Monsters style in general, just a traditional manga chapter titling. Notice that in manga, there usually aren't double titles very often (like several anime are accustomed to doing). Also, the title manages to be basic, just briefly stating what the chapter is based around, very rarely being a pun.

All things considered, the bout with Kiryuu was pretty much the first battle in the series, and as I stated before, I am trying to portray him as a tough opponent. I figured I'd make it kinda basic stuff. There are gonna be several more battles throughout the story, that's a given, and several of those will use some heavy forms of strategy, some of which (the extremely important ones namely) I've had planned out in my head for a long time. For that matter, I do believe I already managed to think outside the box in finding a method to defeat Merriep in a recent chapter.

Frostweaver May 20th, 2005 3:07 PM

the title thing is like the titles aren't that special/exciting, and it's not particularly trying to score any form of allusions to current existing styles of titling a chapter either... that's what i meant by that.

oni flygon May 20th, 2005 3:30 PM

*sigh*

And popularity goes well...

A sub mediocre poem gets "good job" and "it's deep" (Geez, now way is it deep!) while my poem in the poetry forum gets 2 comments... This place... argh... I'm tempted to close it... but I'm sure there's no reason for that... geez...

Breezy May 20th, 2005 3:43 PM

Perhaps your poems are so deep that people are too speechless to say anything. :P

Frostweaver May 20th, 2005 4:12 PM

lol... for the first time i glanced at the poem, and they are indeed... "not too good." =p (YAY LET'S CAP half THE POEM FOR EMPHASIS purposes, WITH random UNDERLINES!!!!) >>;

But then again all those review pages are accumulation from the same 2 or 3 people continously posting, so not sure if it actually counts as popular ^^;



@ Chains, by Dragonfree

Quote:

It raised its head again, its blank, colorless eyes meeting her big, deep green ones.
Probably a semicolon should be used after again instead of the comma.

Quote:

... very unattractive. The skeletal look of the starved body, the bulgy fingers
After attractive, I "think" that a colon should be used there instead of the period... not sure if I'm right with the correction, but I'm certain that this needs to be changed.

Quote:

The creature stared emptily at the flood of whitish-blond hair that flowed down her back.
This one the readers aren't too clear about just whose whitish-blond hair is the narration talking about? Though the readers eventually will understand that it's Mary (provided that they know the full feature of a Mewtwo), the readers still have to do a lot of work into figuring such a simple fact out. There definitely needs to be more clarity here.

-now for the sake of motif, i'll recommand you to choose either "raise" or "life" and stick with one only for the purpose of reinforcing this symbol... it's a great one, but it can be even greater if the diction is consistent

-watch out for having incomplete sentences... if it's a clause of a sentence, let it join with another sentence.

Quote:

Yes, he told himself, the world was better when Mewtwo was chained in a secured chamber to die.
one of those tricky moments... this line reflects the man's thoughts, and therefore the verbs in this line should be in present tense actually. It's like in a dialogue you almost always use only present tenses...

-only problem is perhaps the name chosen... "Mary" is a very debatable name rather if it's a suitable name for the girl or not. Though we do think of Virgin Mary who is associated with kindness and holiness always, there's some great evils out there such as Bloody Mary who's associated with the name. The name "mary" itself in meaning is equally vague, meaning either "sea of bitterness" or "love" (talk about extremes...) The girl plays a vitally important role for this story, and the name definitely has to be less vague in terms of what she is suppose to symbolize... Name plays a very important role in terms of symbols. For example, the dubbers of Pokemon made a brilliant choice to call the leader of Team Rocket "Giovanni," meaning "of the wolves." (and wolves are always evil in terms of symbols)

-some of the other mistakes exist and the other reviewers pointed them out already

Most errors are related to grammatical mistakes, otherwise this fanfic is a great piece of work. Though disguised as a simple and direct fanfic, this very condensed story shows the author's viewpoints on some deep and fundamental aspects of today's world- including innocense, fear, understanding and forgiveness. Carefully structured with excellent story design, this story deserves great recognition among all Pokemon fanfics.

Good Points
-Unoriginal ideas reworked to be original once again
-Good usage of diction. Well done!
-Sigificant improvement in story structure

Focuses to Improve On
-Grammar, especially punctuations. For a writer at your rank, these things shouldn't exist on such a frequent basis.
-name choosing

Title: 5/5
Grammar Basics: 7/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 20/20 {Excellent!}
Story Structure: 14/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 14/15
Diction: 18/20
Effort/Originality: 15/15
Lit. Device bonus: +5 (symbol, motif, theme, repetition, Mewtwo audio drama allusion)


total: 97 {STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE!}

-replaced "Sunset Beach" for Dragonfree's Standard of Excellence award winning fanfic

Dragonfree May 20th, 2005 6:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
Probably a semicolon should be used after again instead of the comma.

I don't think so... if it were just "The creature raised its head again, its eyes meeting her deep green ones," it would have a comma, not a semicolon, so it doesn't seem like it would be a semicolon suddenly because there are a few more commas in the sentence... it doesn't sound right with a semicolon to me, at least the way it's structured now, but it would work as "The creature raised its head again; its blank, colorless eyes met her big, deep green ones."

Quote:

After attractive, I "think" that a colon should be used there instead of the period... not sure if I'm right with the correction, but I'm certain that this needs to be changed.
Hmm, I don't think it would be right with a colon, but it doesn't really sound right this way either. I might change that a bit.

Quote:

This one the readers aren't too clear about just whose whitish-blond hair is the narration talking about? Though the readers eventually will understand that it's Mary (provided that they know the full feature of a Mewtwo), the readers still have to do a lot of work into figuring such a simple fact out. There definitely needs to be more clarity here.
Yeah, probably. The creature/Mewtwo is always referred to as "it", though, so there is no other she in there.

Quote:

-now for the sake of motif, i'll recommand you to choose either "raise" or "life" and stick with one only for the purpose of reinforcing this symbol... it's a great one, but it can be even greater if the diction is consistent
*is confused* Huh?

Quote:

one of those tricky moments... this line reflects the man's thoughts, and therefore the verbs in this line should be in present tense actually. It's like in a dialogue you almost always use only present tenses...
It's not supposed to be his direct thoughts, though, really... it would have been if it had been in italics, but it wasn't...

Quote:

-only problem is perhaps the name chosen... "Mary" is a very debatable name rather if it's a suitable name for the girl or not. Though we do think of Virgin Mary who is associated with kindness and holiness always, there's some great evils out there such as Bloody Mary who's associated with the name. The name "mary" itself in meaning is equally vague, meaning either "sea of bitterness" or "love" (talk about extremes...) The girl plays a vitally important role for this story, and the name definitely has to be less vague in terms of what she is suppose to symbolize... Name plays a very important role in terms of symbols. For example, the dubbers of Pokemon made a brilliant choice to call the leader of Team Rocket "Giovanni," meaning "of the wolves." (and wolves are always evil in terms of symbols)
Hmm, I never think that much about the names I give to people... any suggestions that would work better?


*is overall really flattered to have two Standards of Excellence*

Sequoia May 20th, 2005 8:22 PM

wow...is this about some sort of fic that someone wrote? i think i missed all of that...

Avegaille May 21st, 2005 1:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
@ Four Friends to a New Beginning ch.1, Avegaille Spellman

-cliché title that will definitely scare readers away... it spells "OT" all over it, which generally repels readers. It's possibly too revealing as well. By default you know that "well it must be a story of 4 friends starting their own Pokemon adventure and then on to the badges." Even if this isn't the truth, the readers take it by default, and won't bother to click on this story to read it then.

be sure to be consistent on your verb tenses. Choose between past and present, and stick with one.

-*long cultural lesson alert*

possibly a misleading allusion/symbolism by naming your character's last name as "amethyst," which not only means a pretty purple colored stone but usually demonic/pagan, or unholy in nature. Amethyst means "remedy for intoxication" and some cults/religion used amethyst gems as a mean for treatment against diseases in the past, and such an act is considered "demonic" by the Catholic church, which influences the development of the English language and this is stuck with us today. In fact, any purple gems or stones aren't the most righteous in the old Catholic church, with has indirectly instructed our language to think in the same way. Since your writing's audiences are mostly from the western world, you may also have to put their tradition into account when you're dealing with anything that's possibly symbolic in nature. This is also the reason why if we have some oriental or Australian readers coming across this name, they'll consider the last name as totally suitable and fine. You must consider cultural background when you're writing.

It's good that you're inserting character development. Now we'll take it to the next level to go beyond acceptable level of fanfic writing. Don't do this anymore. Don't insert a whole paragraph or sentence of nothing but physical character descriptions. Always insert a bit of action verbs in order to keep the story flowing, or else the story seems to come to a stop at a "sidetrack." Physical descriptions should always be accompanied by some action verbs in order to reduce the boring aspect of physical description. Same thing applies to the later characters' entrance as well. Also, it is advices that you don't throw out every aspect of the characters' physical description at once as well. Chop it up and feed it to your readers bit by bit throughout the story, instead of all at the beginning.

A difficult thing to avoid, but do try your best. Here "then" is repeated here, and it sounds boring in terms of diction to use the same word so frequently.

Understood that the pun is meant to be humorous, but at the same time you suddenly switched the story from 3rd narrative to 1st narrative for just 3 words, then back to 3rd narrative again... Don't switch narrative unless it's very important. Switching narratives have a dramatic effect on your story, and it can work both ways...

-some dialogues give you a really anime-feeling... in writings, some parts can be summarized and condensed as part of the narration, instead of forcing your characters to say everything, such as those "goodbyes" type of thing... condense your writing to have the least amount of words as you can in order to reduce length.

-just a note: "May Maples" is a common mistake in terms of "official" last names, similar to "Misty Waterflowers." It is just that the dubbers are saying things a bit too fast and it turned out similar to Maples when the judge of the Pokemon Competition is trying to say something else... Then some fanfic writers take that last name for May (just like what happened to Misty) and then everyone other writer copies and follow... o.o; just a note... it's fine to use that last name but it's NOT OFFICIAL >>;

-if you're trying to use the May from the anime for your May, then she isn't wearing a "white miniskirt" over her biker shorts. It's just a t-shirt of some kind that's not tucked in, or possibly the end of her red shirt is white... it's awfully too small to be even a miniskirt o.o;

-have no idea what's with the latias part...

By not just say "attacked by a few Zigzagoons"? Try to be as fluent in your narration as possible. Hiring beta readers or proof read multiple amount of times will help.

-the battle was rather quick and short... It's similar to the anime where the hero/ine's Pokemon are invincible and one attack wipes out the opponent before they can do much of anything...

-the story is generally lacking in terms of emotional character development... the most we got out of is May being the devious one out of the four. The other three share the flawless personality which shouldn't exist at all. It makes your story feel like an anime production even more than it is already, and any fanfic that has the Pokemon-anime-style cannot possibly be a very good fanfic. Distance yourself from the anime as much as possible. Definitely and again, avoid "flawless characters."

-heavy giveaways are also not recommanded... if the readers are able to predict the outcome of the story early on, why bother reading on until the end? The story gives off heavy hints in terms of who's going to be with who in the future, set in stone... *Generally* romances in action/adventure fanfics come either instanteously, or gradually... in between of nowhere is not a good thing. (note: generally means that there are exceptions to the rule, but it's definitely very difficult to do so, and for now I'll recommand you to follow the general writing guides first)

-I'll stop off at chapter 1 as there's more than enough to work on until the next review already. As for the prediction from me before I start reading that this is definitely going to be an OT fanfic, I guess it's fulfilled then ^^; Therefore, the title must have been too revealing, and too much of a cliche, stereotypical OT.

Good Points
-beginning of character developments
-beginning of descriptions
-grammar are mostly correct

Future Improvements
-emotional character descriptions
-fix "OT errors"
-be more original; stay away from being "anime-style"

Title: 2/5
Grammar Basics: 9/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 8/20
Story Structure: 6/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 7/15
Diction: 8/20
Effort/Originality: 10/15
Lit. Device bonus: +0


total: 59

Yes, it's an OT fic, I know, but I can't get what's with the Amethyst thing, it's jsut a random last name I took off since I can't use Spellman for my Pokemon fanfic... Read my sabrina fan fic for more info....

And uh, I asked May fan club members about the skirt, t-shirt thing, so I can't realyl work out their answers, so yeah, I based it off from Breezy's description, not all, but maybe some.....

Eer, yeah, I also posted your review on SPPf so that my readers there will know....

Dragonfree May 21st, 2005 7:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sequoia
wow...is this about some sort of fic that someone wrote? i think i missed all of that...

It was a Frosty review and the basic point is "Go read Chains by Dragonfree now because it rocks."

*points to link in Frostweaver's sig and whistles*

Frostweaver May 21st, 2005 9:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avegaille Spellman
Yes, it's an OT fic, I know, but I can't get what's with the Amethyst thing, it's jsut a random last name I took off since I can't use Spellman for my Pokemon fanfic... Read my sabrina fan fic for more info....

And uh, I asked May fan club members about the skirt, t-shirt thing, so I can't realyl work out their answers, so yeah, I based it off from Breezy's description, not all, but maybe some.....

Eer, yeah, I also posted your review on SPPf so that my readers there will know....

Now if the pants are not even at her knee, and the "white miniskirt" is not even half as long as her pants, then I severely doubt that it qualifies as a miniskirt... unless I'm too sheltered to realize that they now have miniskirt that's half a foot long O.o; *shrudders* The fact that the white "miniskirt" always sticks to May like glue even when she's falling off a cliff doesn't support it being a "miniskirt" either.

OT fanfic is *very* difficult to pull off. PMC and Trials of Reluctance are both OT, and they spend a lot of extra time in order to avoid the common "meet here, see professor, go on to journey" type. Also, even within the first chapter these two other OT fanfics have a lot more character development already. It's not being an OT that let you down, but by being the stereotypical OT that did you in.

No such thing as "random" exist in stories. Every common name that's chosen, every color that's used, and every time in the setting that's chosen... they all matter and are all specifically picked to contribute to the mood/atmosphere or symbol of the story. If you're doing something by "random," then you're misleading your readers to a wrong path.

(i guess that the only "random" thing that you can decide on is original names that don't have any specific meaning cause it's an... original name...)

Iveechan May 21st, 2005 2:10 PM

Personally, I don't put much thought into names (I mean, the poor Hitmonchan in my fic is named Champ, one of the most unoriginal names for fighters). It's like this one thing someone in Serebii said... I forget what exactly... had to do with parents naming their children. When people name children, they either pick a name that they like or a name to honor another family member. Rarely do they go "Well, I predict my child will have a good heart and a strong will, so I'll name him blah-blah with means this-that in some other language". When I read "Chains", I certaintly didn't connect the name Mary with anything symbolic or religious. I just viewed as a common (but old-fashioned) female name.

PS- do not name your future child blah-blah, because I can assure you it doesn't mean this-that in another language.

Frostweaver May 21st, 2005 3:39 PM

Who said that stories/literature works the same way as real life anyway o.o;

Wow fanfic reviews are going at a good speed so far... I think i have time to take up more fanfic reviews since there's 2 continous long weekend coming up too. So ask away <3

Frostweaver May 21st, 2005 4:10 PM

I guess that if I'm doing a fanfic review for other writing, I might as well put it in this fanfic lounge ^^; An old story (i think) for this forum but who said that you can't review old stories...

@ Sins and Scars, by Aiya Quackform

-"smell" is perhaps a better word than "stink" in the commerical/ffnet summary line... it is a more mature word to use there

-not sure about this one, but doesn't "scar" as a verb always have to be inflicted on yourself and can't use it on others like that? Not sure here...

Quote:

May my mistakes be made up for in some small way by his good deeds.
something awkward about this line... it sounds a bit clumsy to say "made up for in some small way by..." perhaps "may my sins be repaid..." or something along that line?

-though fanfics can definitely be this short and even shorter, this story doesn't show its ending point too well... there's no distinctive beginning and an end. It definitely works as a prologue, but being the standalone as it is now, you probably should emphasize on how terrible the speaker is feeling, down to the pits (take that as climax), and then let the resolution be the speaker's successor, and direct the story a bit like that...

Good Points
-tone/mood
-generally good word choices

Future Improvements
-further polish diction (ahaha... easy for me to say ;p)
-distinctive ending

note: character and coherence/readability omitted due to length

Title: 5/5
Grammar Basics: 10/10
Coherence/Readability: omit/10
Characterization: omit/20
Story Structure: 12/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 14/15
Diction: 18/20
Effort/Originality: 13/15
Lit. Device bonus: +0


total: 61/70 => 87

Iveechan May 21st, 2005 5:04 PM

And who said that everything in a story has to be symbolic and relate to obscure things?

Frostweaver May 21st, 2005 6:35 PM

EDIT: All writings are written for a purpose: usually under the 2 categories of either to entertain (ex: any children's book, LOTR) or to introduce an idea (Shakespeare's works.) However, all of them must rely on these "symbolic" elements in order to carry out their intended purposes. Even children's novel are not thrown together by pure randomness stuck on a plot. Names used in a children's novel are always "common names" because the usage of names that the children know of (as in, names that their friends may possibly share) will allow the children to relate the story back to themselves. Half of these things will become our writing instincts and we do it naturally, without thinking about it. However, we must work and focus intentionally for the rest of the choices that aren't decided by instinct.

Writing instincts can sometimes come out completely opposite to what you have in mind. You think that you aren't doing anything in particular, but when others read it, they see all the work your natural instincts put into it. "Old Man and the Sea" to Hemmingway is just a short story about fishing, but then all his years of writing have trained his instincts to insert symbols and specific word choices without realizing it... in the end, it turned out to win various awards. It became a parody against critics story reviewers, unlike what Hemmingway have intended it to be- a simple fishing story.




@ The Power to Shine, by Shuko

Quote:

My name is Maya. I'm eleven years old, but I've been told that I'm mature for my age. I don't much know if I like the sound of that.
A strange beginning... Bit cliché and corny to start by "name and age." Also, the last part can simply be condensed to "I've been told that I'm mature for my age, but I don't know if they're right." is good enough... it saves some words that way to reduce the boring space.

Quote:

Anyway, I guess you're wondering what's so special about an eleven year-old girl? Not too long ago, I'd have said there wasn't anything especially odd or memorable about me.
you just mentioned her age awhile ago so best not to repeat it already... as well, again this sentence is pretty lengthy when you can say "I'm just an ordinary girl, until..."

-"Hikari" is an absolutely feminine name, destined for girls o.o; Even if it's a Pokemon... It's a bit strange when the male dog in your house is called "Betty." It's awkward...

-reverse chronological order that's not a flashback is not very constructive most of the time... in here, i'll recommand you to flip the story around, and talk of Maya's background (but before the runaway) first before you mention Hikari. Right now the order is awkward.

Quote:

You see, where I lived, children were not allowed.
"You see, I live in a _____ where children are not allowed." Try to read it out loud at times to see if the sentence flows as smooth as you can make it to be. Also, there's some tense problems... "lived" can be past tense as who knows if Maya is currently living elsewhere, but unless the rule of this place changed, then you'll have to say "children ARE not..." instead of "were." Watch out for these tense problems as they exist later in the story too.

-insert a paragraph before you start talking about the king's carriage event for clarity... since you're starting a new idea, it's perhaps best to start a new paragraph.

Quote:

But that was a mistake.
An incomplete sentence... this is only a clause and needs to be joined to something else in order to be a sentence. Since you declared that Maya is mature for her age, you got no excuse for "a grammar mistake that's done on purpose"

-i know that you write your story on wordpad, but do transfer it back to a grammar/spell check program to take out the careless mistakes, such as "had had" (had is repeated once... grammar check will definitely pick that up)

Quote:

I had decided that I was old enough to make it on my own in the world, and since I'd gotten so far without anyone else's help, I certainly could continue to do so.
odd... we have never heard of Maya being alone/independent on anything major before she left, so this sentence becomes an oddball. It's alluding to something in the past in her life, yet we aren't given any information about such an event... not even mentioning it...

Quote:

I realized that I no longer knew which way was forward, and which way led back to the village.
"I realized that I lost my sense of direction, and I couldn't find my way back home." It's slightly more clear this way instead of "forward." Also, saying "village" isn't as good as saying "home" in terms of diction, because Maya's parents seem to be rather caring, and there's no reason to degrade Maya's parents by claiming that it's not her "home." Village is terribly cold and formal.

-"inspiration" deals with art/fine arts... running to a tree like that isn't an art or fine art... improper diction choice there.

Quote:

hoping for all I was worth that whatever it was that I had left behind me couldn't climb trees.
definitely i don't recommand using "that" more than once in a sentence unless you're trying to have a hesistant tone.

-not sure if you should use the term "animal" there... it's suggesting that the setting is a mix of our world with "normal animals" and Pokemon world all into one. This setting is generally not accepted as a default setting unless you got some good explanation (due to the nature of Pokemon fanfics often basing the settings to be in a world of Pokemon). Yes the anime got 2 (or 3) appearances of "normal animals" (Pidgeotto's worm, fishes in St.anne) but we all know that anime is mostly screwed up and self-refuting...

Quote:

What would happen if something really big came along - something that might want to eat ME, for instance.
take out the "for instance" and let the period be a question mark there. This way it heightens the tension up a bit, just like what this is intended to do.

Quote:

forgotten my cut finger
not sure if "cut" is used correctly here... sounds odd...

-"I'm no bird expert" is repeated again

-now in ch.1 Maya seems to communicate with the readers quite a bit, taking effective uses of a 1st person narrative. However this didn't keep up in the 2nd chapter though... if you started it this way, then keep the tradition up. Don't have to do it frequently, but do at least mention something this way.

Good Points
-well written OT
-great description
-realistic and detailed

Focuses to Improve On
-sentence structure (clarity)
-diction choices (ch.2 diction choices improved from ch.1 though, keep it up!)
-ordering

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 9/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 17/20
Story Structure: 12/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 15/15 (excellent)
Diction: 16/20
Effort/Originality: 14/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (communication with audience)


total: 87

Sequoia May 21st, 2005 7:43 PM

uh...looong review there frostweaver...XD but anyways, now i'm going to read that fic, and see what it's like...

Frostweaver May 21st, 2005 8:32 PM

not really that long... the first chapter of that story got plenty of mistakes, but then for the 2nd chapter i think that i only got 2 or 3 things to say (besides tense problems which I never quote out every single time)... there's quite a significant improvement from ch.1 to ch.2. I think that it's because Shuko is more comfortable with writing once the journey itself begins. The background information part regarding Maya's past is the part where it needs revision the most. Otherwise, it's a very good fanfic.

Fanfic writers pour their heart and time into writing their fanfic (err... technically that's how it should be.) So aren't reviewers suppose to use the equal amount of time and effort in order to repaid the writers?

Shuko May 21st, 2005 8:54 PM

Thanks for the review Frostweaver. :P I'm really glad of it, because although it didn't touch on any of the things I don't like about my story, it addressed a lot of things I hadn't even considered. That's the kind of review I like to get. I can't believe that you're able to devote so much time and effort into this. I wish I had that kind of committment. :D

What can I say? I agree with everything you said. And although I did write it in Wordpad, I don't have much excuse as far as the grammar and oddness is concerned (is "oddness" a word? 0_o) I'll be honest with you; I didn't spend more than a couple hours on each chapter - and that was including proofreading... x_x I just wrote this on a lark, and never expected it to take off or anything. I hated the first chapter a lot, though. There are so many problems in there; especially things you didn't even mention. I'm going to have to resort to *shudders* the dreaded plot device when and if I write chapter 3. But I had a lot of fun writing chapter 2. :P Chance is just about all of my tomboyish childhood wrapped up into a neat little package. I identify with him most. Anyway, I've rambled on enough. I've been thinking about rewriting chapter one, and maybe I'll do that before I move on to 3. We'll see what happens. Thanks again!

TTYO May 21st, 2005 8:58 PM

Hey I don;t mean to sound impatient but is anyone noticing my fic

Pokemon Revenge Enter the Field

Frostweaver May 21st, 2005 9:10 PM

lol... there's a lot of other things to comment on if I want to, but then sometimes i just mention a mistake once, and if it's repeated again I really don't talk about it again (it'll take WAY too long.) There are also some things that are awkward right now yet you can't define them as "wrong" because they have the potential to be good if they're brought back again later in the story. Or there's just some plot element related items that a reviewer is not allowed to comment on, because that'll be commenting on plot and not writing technique.

There's one type of plot that you can label as wrong though: plagarize/direct c+p something, replace name/Pokemon species... this includes anime-wannabes and manga-wannabes.

But thanks for the compliment Shuko ^^;

As for TTYO's fanfic, I'll have to read it tomorrow as it's late today, and I want a bit of time to do my own stuff too lol *cough*hw*cough* ;_;

Avegaille May 21st, 2005 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sequoia
uh...looong review there frostweaver...XD but anyways, now i'm going to read that fic, and see what it's like...

Um, why not ask frostweaver to get your fic to be reviewed so that I'll know how he rates your fic! XP

Strawberry Delcatty May 22nd, 2005 9:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekomajo Asunya
EXPECTED DEADLINES FOR "DEEPEST WISHES" CHAPTERS
5/21/05 - Chapter 1

Obviously this one hasn't been met, so I'm try to force myself to finish it today. Hopefully, it won't happen to chapter 2.

Note to beta readers: Whenver I'm late for a deadline, you've pretty much lucked out. :P

Dragonfree May 22nd, 2005 9:40 AM

*pokes Frostweaver* What about Shackles?

pokegirl909 May 22nd, 2005 11:36 AM

I just made two new posts!
In My Eyes:
A story of Cinder, a Cyndiquil. She is a legendary dog pokemon, but no-one knows, not even her trainer, Melody (Not the one we know and love).
Shade's Journey:
A 10 year old slave finds her brother, after being seperated for years. She sves the world from a horrible leader, in fact, it's her old master!

Please read them :D :chinese: :rambo: :confused: :classic: :cross-eye

Yamato-san May 22nd, 2005 2:05 PM

pokegirl909, sorry to say, but your stories are far from great, in fact, they seem crappy enough to need locked. I'm also under the suspicion that you and GymLeaderWhitney are the same person, but if not, then she's a mindless praiser who needs a real stern talking to.

pokegirl909 May 22nd, 2005 2:22 PM

Hey! Why would I do that?

Breezy May 22nd, 2005 2:47 PM

How can a Cyndaquil be a legendary dog Pokémon when it's a Cyndaquil? o0; Cyndaquils are fire mouses I believe anyways.

I described May with a mini-skirt? I don't even think I described that part of her shirt to begin with period. ^_^; Haha period. Anyone read that fic that graced the PC fanfic forums yet lol?

oni flygon May 22nd, 2005 3:28 PM

Nope, they're different people Yamato-san. Different IP addresses...though it does need locking...

Avegaille May 22nd, 2005 3:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
I described May with a mini-skirt? I don't even think I described that part of her shirt to begin with period. ^_^; Haha period. Anyone read that fic that graced the PC fanfic forums yet lol?

.......... Breezy, I'm not so sure either, I haven't checked on your chapter 1 in a while, and yeah, I dont think you even described that part....

oni flygon May 22nd, 2005 3:42 PM

anyone would care to review my work? ^_^

http://pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=39420

Strawberry Delcatty May 22nd, 2005 5:11 PM

Chapter 1 of Deepest Wishes will be up today!
Hopefully before midnight.

EDIT: After some consideration, all deadlines will be dropped. It's better for me to work at my own pace anyway.

Yamato-san May 22nd, 2005 8:03 PM

with permission from Niko, I was able to make an entire thread devoted to my dark, dark past. That's right, I posted the old version of PMC, which you can see here. It should be worth checking out just to see the introduction I made for it. I only posted the first four chapters to coincide the events in the plot that I have so far in the revision and not spoil anything. However, for those of you who only read the archives and not the latest chapters, I suggest you only read up until chapter 3.

Avegaille May 22nd, 2005 9:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
Now if the pants are not even at her knee, and the "white miniskirt" is not even half as long as her pants, then I severely doubt that it qualifies as a miniskirt... unless I'm too sheltered to realize that they now have miniskirt that's half a foot long O.o; *shrudders* The fact that the white "miniskirt" always sticks to May like glue even when she's falling off a cliff doesn't support it being a "miniskirt" either.

You want miniskirt! I got an animation for you to prove it!!!!!!!

http://www.geoscreens.com/may/ag20strip.gif

You should look into the anime more! XP

EDIT: I just looked into the animation closely and both of us are wrong....

I think it's part of her pants???? Weird.......

Frostweaver May 22nd, 2005 10:22 PM

part of her pants then i guess... but then I know that it's not a miniskirt XD

(and usually we really won't bother with physical description to such an extent most of the time anyway... detailed physical description leads to lag anyway)

And physical description is perhaps the only thing the anime is good for along with some fundamental things that you just need to know regarding those Pokemon characters from the anime (such as what pokemon each person has and etc) >>; I don't watch the anime since 2 years ago... Jhoto was too too crappy and unbearable. Further you stay away from that thing, most likely the better your pokemon writing becomes <3

Avegaille May 22nd, 2005 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
part of her pants then i guess... but then I know that it's not a miniskirt XD

(and usually we really won't bother with physical description to such an extent most of the time anyway... detailed physical description leads to lag anyway)

And physical description is perhaps the only thing the anime is good for along with some fundamental things that you just need to know regarding those Pokemon characters from the anime (such as what pokemon each person has and etc) >>; I don't watch the anime since 2 years ago... Jhoto was too too crappy and unbearable. Further you stay away from that thing, most likely the better your pokemon writing becomes <3

Maybe that's the reason why we don't have Pokemon here?? Well, jsut a good side of it...

Anyways, the anime is only my guide to how some characters look like at least... but thanks for the advice anyways! XP

Geometric-sama May 22nd, 2005 11:19 PM

*goes off to try and become famous*

Sequoia May 23rd, 2005 12:49 AM

XDD what are we talking about again? short term memory loss coming in...

Avegaille May 23rd, 2005 1:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sequoia
XDD what are we talking about again? short term memory loss coming in...

We're talking about fan fiction here Jane! XP

and I find the animation a bit disturbing at first.....

Shuko May 23rd, 2005 8:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
-"Hikari" is an absolutely feminine name, destined for girls o.o; Even if it's a Pokemon... It's a bit strange when the male dog in your house is called "Betty." It's awkward...

I forgot about this part, lol. I wanted to say that I kind of disagree. Hikaru is definitely a girl's name, but I've seen Hikari used in a different context. For example, in MKR (Magic Knights Rayearth) Hikaru's dog (a male dog) is named Hikari. I just assumed that it was an appropriate name for a pretty male pet. And although Maya sees Hikari as a friend, she chose to name him - an action you would use with a pet, not necessarily a friend. Anyway, Hikari sounded better than "Pka-Pika," "Kagayaki," or any of the other ten or so names I came up with. :P But you could be right, after all. Anyone care to offer an opinion on this?

Avegaille May 24th, 2005 12:24 AM

Um, I only heard Hikaru as a name for Misaki's Angel.... um, nvm....

Anyways, where are those people doing reviews here?

Isaac Gravity May 24th, 2005 6:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shuko
I forgot about this part, lol. I wanted to say that I kind of disagree. Hikaru is definitely a girl's name, but I've seen Hikari used in a different context. For example, in MKR (Magic Knights Rayearth) Hikaru's dog (a male dog) is named Hikari. I just assumed that it was an appropriate name for a pretty male pet. And although Maya sees Hikari as a friend, she chose to name him - an action you would use with a pet, not necessarily a friend. Anyway, Hikari sounded better than "Pka-Pika," "Kagayaki," or any of the other ten or so names I came up with. :P But you could be right, after all. Anyone care to offer an opinion on this?

I could agree with Hikari being commonly used for girl's... As for the names where I heard Hikari mostly used was in Digimon 01 for Tai's little sister and Asuka's friend in Neon Genesis Evangelion. Save for Rockman.EXE/Megaman Battle Network where the name Hikari serves as last name to Netto/Lan and his family so this also plys into Hikari being used in different context.

But Hikaru... I dunno... I mean in Hikaru no Go The main character Hikaru, is a boy.

Casual Billy May 24th, 2005 1:44 PM

Billy: What's that, Annie?

Annie Wonucares: I didn't say anything

Billy: I know you were thinking it though

Annie Wonucares: ...

Billy: A new chapter of Worlds Away is out!!!

Annie Wonucares: Oh wow.

P.S. ~ In case someone hasn't figured it out, my addressing the fictional character Annie Wonucares is actually me letting Any One Who Cares know about updates in my fic. I don't have an imaginary friend or anything.

Audience: Sure.

Billy: Whatever.

Frostweaver May 24th, 2005 4:06 PM

Masculin names that means "light":

ABNER m English, Biblical
APOLLO m Greek Mythology (Latinized)
ARGI m Basque
ARGIDER m Basque
BARAK m Biblical, Jewish
BHASKAR m Indian
HIKARU m Japanese
LIOR m & f Jewish
LUCIUS m Ancient Roman, English
LUGH m Irish Mythology
MEALLÁN m Irish
MEIR m Jewish
NUR f & m Arabic
PHOTIOS m Greek, Ancient Greek
PRABHAKAR m Indian
PRADEEP m Indian
PRAKASH m Indian
RAIDEN m Far Eastern Mythology
ROSHAN m & f Arabic
SANDEEP m Indian
URI m Biblical, Jewish
URIAH m Biblical
URIEL m Biblical, Jewish
ZIA m Arabic
ZOHAR m & f Jewish


So technically you'll want Hikaru, not Hikari.

Casual Billy May 24th, 2005 7:20 PM

Quick question: Do you think it's more effective to have a banner in your sig or a quote from your latest chapter? I currently have both but I was just wondering how you all perceived it. Eh.

EDIT: Ahhhhh! You guys have to answer this question now, it's the 1337th post!

Breezy May 24th, 2005 8:11 PM

It's the 1338th post. Silly billy! :P

Well, for me, as I have said at the "green" forum, links to stories or banners really attract me to them. I suppose the quote might work though seeing as you can hook people, depending on if you use some type of cliffhanger or whatnot.

Geometric-sama May 24th, 2005 8:26 PM

I always thought Hikaru = boy, Hikari = girl :)

Frostweaver May 24th, 2005 10:03 PM

Use banner if your story's mood is light. Use quote if your story's mood is heavy.

Yes, Hikaru is the masculin name. Hikari is the feminine name.

Yamato-san May 24th, 2005 10:11 PM

[bops fist on forehead] oi, Hikaru, why didn't I think of that? It's one of those names I don't hear near as much and therefor pop into my head as easily as the likes of Hikari, but knowing this sure would've been helpful. [Looks back at chapter 4 of the old version and cringes]

Anyway, for anyone who wants to try giving Japanese names to characters, I highly recommend this site. But, for the most part, I suggest you don't choose these names at random. It helps if you happen to understand some meaning behind the names (basically, if you know a Japanese word, try looking it up there to see if it can also be someone's name). Just remember, if you're making your fic seem very culturally-accurate, there's no need to follow those lists 100% of the time. Meaningful names, like those on the lists, are usually given out by the parents, but when it comes to a pet or nickname or something, you could use a name that doesn't really mean anything and just gibberish, or a name with some sort of meaning but isn't really used for humans (Kiryuu). If Chris is any indication, you can use European-style names for natives in a Japanese-style environment (because, on rare occasions, Japanese parents may favor such a naming style). Also, as you may've seen in some anime, those names on the lists can switch gender (ex. Yamato's a common male name, but a female in Pocket Monsters has it). Just letting you know that as big as these lists may be, there's more to Japanese names than just what's on there.

Shuko May 25th, 2005 5:57 AM

Thank you for all the insight, guys! I've decided that I'll just keep Hikari's name the way it is. :P One thing I hate a lot is going back and changing things in my fic once I post it somewhere. It just seems kind of like cheating, to me at least, lol. Anyway, I won't worry about it; I'll get to work on chapter 3 as soon as I can!

IceKing May 25th, 2005 4:38 PM

I was wondering, which form of writing do you guys like better: freehand or word processing? I was having finals this week, and Latin and Math is especially easy for me so I finished early. I got bored and decided to write out my fic on freehand, and noticed how much easier it was! And now I want to see what other peoples opinions on the issue of methods of writing including things like what gets you in the mood to write and what helps you get out of writers block the best

Breezy May 25th, 2005 5:11 PM

I freewrite when I'm bored in chemistry and Language Arts and then type it up word processor hehe. :)

Avegaille May 25th, 2005 7:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
I freewrite when I'm bored in chemistry and Language Arts and then type it up word processor hehe. :)

Oh, well, I don't usually write stuff at school due to my handwritting... and I'm a one shot writer... I don't usually transfer my writtings to a computer if I'm done with it on a paper....

Dragonfree May 26th, 2005 3:44 AM

Heh, I've got a banner with a quote on it. :P

Aiya Quackform May 26th, 2005 1:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
I guess that if I'm doing a fanfic review for other writing, I might as well put it in this fanfic lounge ^^; An old story (i think) for this forum but who said that you can't review old stories...

*snicker* It wasn't old when I asked for the review.

Quote:

-"smell" is perhaps a better word than "stink" in the commerical/ffnet summary line... it is a more mature word to use there
I thought about that, but "stink" conveys the idea of something repulsive, "smell" does not. I wanted to quickly show her contempt for destruction and death.

Quote:

-not sure about this one, but doesn't "scar" as a verb always have to be inflicted on yourself and can't use it on others like that? Not sure here...
I've read it to several people who really know their grammar. No one said anything about it.

Quote:

something awkward about this line... it sounds a bit clumsy to say "made up for in some small way by..." perhaps "may my sins be repaid..." or something along that line?
Perhaps, but I wanted it in a prayer-like fashion.

Quote:

-though fanfics can definitely be this short and even shorter, this story doesn't show its ending point too well... there's no distinctive beginning and an end. It definitely works as a prologue, but being the standalone as it is now, you probably should emphasize on how terrible the speaker is feeling, down to the pits (take that as climax), and then let the resolution be the speaker's successor, and direct the story a bit like that...
I can understand what you're saying, and I thought I did. But I did not want a set ending. This is an expression of a person's life, and it is not over, not by a long shot. I wanted it to be a glimpse of her life up to this point, not to the end of a portion of her life.

Quote:

note: character and coherence/readability omitted due to length
What?! The whole thing is about character, how can you omit it?

Quote:

total: 61/70 => 87
Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it.

Yamato-san May 26th, 2005 4:05 PM

is it just me, or is PC's fanfic forum getting more.... infested lately than usual? Since yesterday alone (as of this posting), three threads had to be closed, and on one of them, there was unconstructive praise being given to the author. It's as if ever since that rule about closing fics that don't meet standards was made, a bunch of dumb ****s suddenly rose to challenge it. Oh well..... [Munches popcorn and looks towards a colloseum arena.] Guess this just means there's gonna be more of a slaughterfest to enjoy.

[Holds out a thumb pointing upwards.] Gooooo.... [Turns thumb down.] Mods!

Isaac Gravity May 26th, 2005 5:17 PM

Well, the net is chock full of dorks who act like a*ses just because they feel that as an anonymous entity on the net that hides behind a name they can do whatever they feel. That's how alot of 'em get their kicks. Or they're don't take their fics seriously enough/don't know how to approach it and write whatever for the heck of it.

But my mindset is going with the first option.

Breezy May 26th, 2005 5:22 PM

They just might want to write too. Contray to popular belief, most writers do not intend to make themselves look like fools. :)

Strawberry Delcatty May 26th, 2005 5:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
is it just me, or is PC's fanfic forum getting more.... infested lately than usual? Since yesterday alone (as of this posting), three threads had to be closed, and on one of them, there was unconstructive praise being given to the author. It's as if ever since that rule about closing fics that don't meet standards was made, a bunch of dumb ****s suddenly rose to challenge it.

For some reason, I feel that I'm the cause of all of this.

Isaac Gravity May 26th, 2005 5:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
They just might want to write too. Contray to popular belief, most writers do not intend to make themselves look like fools. :)

Yeah, I suppose you have a point somewhat... Been spending too much of my time within the GameFaqs board...

@Nekomajo Asunya- You got nothing to do with what's going on. Threads get locked ppl get banned what can you do?

Avegaille May 26th, 2005 6:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
They just might want to write too. Contray to popular belief, most writers do not intend to make themselves look like fools. :)

...uh, what's the suppose to mean, Jamie??? Can i call you that? Meh, anyways...

Hmm.... writer's block galore, but I plan on making a fanfic based on my experiences of being banned in sppf! Weird, huh?

Yamato-san May 26th, 2005 6:30 PM

pay no heed to Nekomajo. She's been putting up this whole friggin pity act ever since she got her first negative review (which, unfortunately, had to be from me of all people).

Avegaille May 26th, 2005 7:19 PM

......I wish breezy was around to give me tips on pokemon fan fic writting....

Can you guys suggest some?

Isaac Gravity May 26th, 2005 7:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avegaille Spellman
......I wish breezy was around to give me tips on pokemon fan fic writting....

Can you guys suggest some?

Well there are a few fic writing guides and fic anyalsis around here. I believe and that's better than my advice in which i'd say: "Just go with the flow, plan your story and your next move ahead of time no matter how long it takes and take note of characterization as thats key to the story. (Though fight scenes are good too.)"

Strawberry Delcatty May 26th, 2005 7:41 PM

I will admit that everything I was doing since then was to get everyone to feel sorry for me. I was basically so used to being worshipped by others that I was totally blinded to reality. However, reality came a little bit too late, but late is usually better than never.

To be honest, I was a lazy brat who cared only about the mindless praise. I never knew how to get better or what I was doing wrong. All I've got were "Great fic!" and "I love your work" with no reason why they like it or not. There was a few negative points, but the real criticism from Yamato and Frostweaver made me think that I was just wasting everyone's time. I basically have my whole fan club against the two until I cleared Yamato's name.

All I ask is, if any of you are willing to do so, to give me a chance to start over and write a fic properly. I promise that I WILL have higher standards by putting as much time and thought into my work as possible and learn from my mistakes instead of whining about them.

Avegaille May 26th, 2005 7:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meitantei Isaac
Well there are a few fic writing guides and fic anyalsis around here. I believe and that's better than my advice in which i'd say: "Just go with the flow, plan your story and your next move ahead of time no matter how long it takes and take note of characterization as thats key to the story. (Though fight scenes are good too.)"

thanks! I'll keep that in mind too!

Hmm... I'll check around threads too for more tips....

Shuko May 26th, 2005 8:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekomajo Asunya
I will admit that everything I was doing since then was to get everyone to feel sorry for me. I was basically so used to being worshipped by others that I was totally blinded to reality. However, reality came a little bit too late, but late is usually better than never.

To be honest, I was a lazy brat who cared only about the mindless praise. I never knew how to get better or what I was doing wrong. All I've got were "Great fic!" and "I love your work" with no reason why they like it or not. There was a few negative points, but the real criticism from Yamato and Frostweaver made me think that I was just wasting everyone's time. I basically have my whole fan club against the two until I cleared Yamato's name.

All I ask is, if any of you are willing to do so, to give me a chance to start over and write a fic properly. I promise that I WILL have higher standards by putting as much time and thought into my work as possible and learn from my mistakes instead of whining about them.

*Pats on the back* There there, sweetie. It's okay. You know; I halfway wonder if all of us have done that at one point or another? I have to admit that the (pathetic) ficcie I wrote was nothing but a grab at some attention. :P And I KNOW that the DBZ one I wrote was, for the first few seasons of it, anyway. Although I know that it's the wrong reason, sometimes I just can't help wanting more and more of that sweet praise! XD

But it's good that you've grown to understand what's really important. Writing shouldn't be about the praise of your adoring fans. It should be about creating something that you love, and nurturing your characters into things that seem almost real themselves. Yes, reality is important, but writing - writing for the pure joy of writing - is something that will let you truly fly. And although we all have to keep our feet on the ground, it's nice to be able to float when we want to. :)

And don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard having to come to grips with the fact that you're only human. We make grammatical mistakes. :P It comes with the territory. And I have yet to read any work of literature that's so perfect that there isn't a single flaw in the storyline or the expressionism. It's just not possible - not for what we conceive as perfection. Don't sweat it. You can't do it all yourself, either. We're here to help you too, or at least, I assume a lot of us are. The beauty of having a circle of writers like this is that we can offer each other our own take on the work of one of our members. Whether you choose to accept and adopt the advice in such critiques is all part of your artistic license, but you should at least be willing to give them all a listen. If nothing else, they help you to see your work through another's eyes, if only for just a little. If you want to make your work as clear and understandable as possible, sometimes that's the kind of input you really need.

But anyway, I'm beginning to ramble, so I'll cut this off. It sounds to me that you've had your own little epiphany, and the way you've described your new philosophy on writing sounds perfect to me. Whether you really feel that way or not, you should try your hardest to keep looking at it that way. Harsh criticism will hurt less, and well-earned praise will mean all that much more. I hope you feel better about yourself and your writing, now. You really should. ^_~

Act May 27th, 2005 2:24 AM

You all have very high expectations of the fanfiction writer o.o;; Most of them are 10-year-olds who write crap AAML fics. Many are older fan girls/guys who've never written a thing in their life but fanfiction doesn't really /matter/ so they figure they'll do that 'for fun'. The minority, the literate ones, have to sift through these annoyances for someone else who actually cares about what they're doing. There are few true jewels in our fandom.

As for NA and her crusade against concrits... more power to you... most writer never come out of that 'I'm amazing and don't deserve anything negative' stage. All it takes to be good is practice and desire.


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