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Geometric-sama February 12th, 2005 4:19 AM

If it seems like I'm being lazy with my writing, well, I've got three in progress at the moment and ideas for still more, and I'm trying to write them very quickly so I don't forget the details - at a later stage, I'll probably revise my last few. :P

Strawberry Delcatty February 12th, 2005 12:46 PM

Chapter 19 of HMW up.
Chapters left = 8

Lily February 12th, 2005 12:50 PM

I psoted a one shot. o.o;

My reviews are going to be procrastinated and stalled...for now.

Online time has been cut down a bit. ;;

Pidgeot500 February 12th, 2005 5:51 PM

Edit: Never mind me, I guess.

Great one-shot btw LilyPichu; the way it gave so much to the reader's excogitation*, made it a very neat experience for me, especially because in terms of personal enjoyment of Pokemon fanfic I can be oddly picky about content.

*I feel morally obligated to inform you that I did not know the definition of that word until five minutes ago

Geometric-sama February 13th, 2005 3:26 AM

I wonder if someone would mind reviewing one of my more recent fics? Not to push or anything, but no one's made any comment whatsoever on my last four pieces, and I really would like some tips...

Yamato-san February 14th, 2005 12:40 AM

sorry for not updating in a month, but I finally got a new chapter of Pocket Monsters Chronicles up.

Hey Frost, when you get back to reviewing, could I please request you do chapter 2 and up on PMC? I've been waiting a long time for reviews on those, even when I reposted the first 6 chapters a couple months ago.

Strawberry Delcatty February 14th, 2005 9:50 PM

Chapter 21 of Hoenn Mirror World is up. Up tomorrow will be Lyoko vs Absol.

Six more chapters to go!

Obsidian Blade February 15th, 2005 1:59 AM

I'm back, not dead, with a one-shot that did okay everywhere else. Haven't done any reviewing yet, but I will... soon. I'm just feeling so desperately ill at the moment that any review I tap out will be awful. So I won't even try until I feel better. ><

Geometric-sama February 15th, 2005 3:21 AM

I'm downloading some fics to my computer to read later; I'll probably go on a review rampage later. XD Although I suppose I should spend some time in OW since that is meant to be one of my home forums when I'm a mod...

Chibi Pika February 16th, 2005 4:59 AM

I never really announced that I had posted my fic. Yeah, me's new here. and I've posted my fic, The Legendarian Chronicles. It's on chapter three, I'd love it if you'd go read it. ^^

~Chibi~

Strawberry Delcatty February 17th, 2005 10:35 PM

Just to let you guys know, updates on Hoenn Mirror World will be rather here and there from this point on. The thing is that I'm going to be revising it into a narrative for a website that I will be making for it. I'll show you a preview when I get the chance.

Also, I'll have the the first two of the four pre-Shadow Wing battles up tomorrow.

Geometric-sama February 18th, 2005 4:05 AM

I wrote six reviews. o_O I feel like a psychopath for some reason XD. I should read some of those chapter fics and review too :P

rubyrulez February 18th, 2005 4:25 AM

I now put up chapter 9 of Pokemon: Lento Legends. Please, Please read it and review it! I'm sure you'll love it!

EDIT: Chapter 10 is now up as well, plus chapters will now be released on a weekly basis. Aslo, you can check the thread for pics of the new Pokemon!

Flatulus February 20th, 2005 12:01 AM

Chapter four of 'Destiny of Understanding' is up, but I will stop putting chapters up here if I don't get some reviews... really it's discouraging when no one comments on my hard work.

Geometric-sama February 20th, 2005 3:00 AM

You can't be impatient. PC's reviewers generally do really good reviews, but it often takes a long time to get one. I know. I've been waiting weeks for reviews on some of mine. You gotta chill, dude.

Strawberry Delcatty February 20th, 2005 2:09 PM

Chapter 22 of Hoenn Mirror World is up. I'll put up chapter 23 (and possibly 24) later today.

oni flygon February 21st, 2005 1:18 PM

I haven't wrote a fanfic in a while... woe is me... T_T;;

And because of that, I wrote a new fic! "The Tree Across The Meadow"

Hope you guys enjoy reading it! X3

Frostweaver February 22nd, 2005 12:14 AM

No Frosty is still not going to be back... ;o; *just finally finished studying for physics... which he shall FAIL MISERABLY at*

However, he forsees that school should ease up by Mar. 3rd after school ends for a short while during teacher's convention? ^_____________^

And actually... I decided that in order to "save time" on writing reviews for stories that the author won't even bother to read/try to act accordinly to the advice, why don't I just let the authors who want a review to PM me about it?

So, just PM me about a story review and I shall get to it! ^o^ First come first serve basis except for Lily who overrides all orders so that her stories are *always* reviewed first XD

I'll setup a waiting list kind of thing in my sig instead of the last 3 reviews completed...

Geometric-sama February 22nd, 2005 4:35 AM

Hmmm... *sees no fics in waiting list* Frosty, I'll fill up your list for ya! XD *PMs*

Lily February 22nd, 2005 6:52 AM

nuu don're review my story. Don't even come near it!

XD...'sides, I never PMed you. ^^

Frostweaver February 22nd, 2005 4:01 PM

*stares at all the PMs...* o_O;;

Let me rephrase that.

a) on top of sending me a PM, it will be *very nice* if you can copy the link to your story as well... some of you are asking for story reviews that are off of the next 3 pages so where exactly is the story? x_x;

b) *cough*I wonder who did this?*cough* don't send in "Oh yeah Frosty can you review this oneshot and this along with that and that? When you finish those, how about this novel as well?" Let's limit it to... one story at a time each review? And when I send the PM notification for a fanfic review... then submit another request for another one of your story? Not really fair if I spend a whole week of time doing nothing but your story (even if they're all different stories or something...)

Thank you very much for everyone's support la~ ^^;

Frostweaver February 22nd, 2005 4:57 PM

@ Origami

Quote:

‘Origami’ it was called, for the girl called herself that.
very awkward syntax... pretty sure it's grammatically incorrect. There is a very likely chance that you got a grammatical error if 2 nouns are side by side, like in the beginning of this sentence.

-christen is used with a wrong connotation... in terms of dictorial meaning, yes you've used it correctly as to christen means to name. However, the connotation of the word suggests a theme of holiness (as in a religious term, not just someone who do good deeds.) Also, christen is usually used to address either a human being (to christen a baby) or a grand construction (to christen a ship).

As well, since Origami can be refered to both the girl and the art, that sentence is rather unclear in terms of which Origami is being talked about. Right now, "Newly christened Origami" means "the new born child Origami" which isn't making sense as later in the story we know that Origami goes to school...

-don't need the "and" before the "then" in the 3rd paragraph

-a few run-on sentences... be careful about having 2 verbs in the same clause

-be careful when you're addressing to paper... keep it singular or plural all the way through in this case.

Quote:

If they used it, then that was that.
so what is "that"... watch out when you're using pronouns if you're being clear enough.

-paper used to write/fold with actually got no "s" for their plural form... papers refer to documents/exams.

-astuteness is against used out of its connotation. Astuteness does mean the ability to dwell deeply in an idea, but it is usually related to business, or even worst, machiavellian beliefs.

-some diction choices are weird and can be further refined as well... such as
Quote:

She had made.
Make is a very commonly used verb and isn't very strong. Short sentences are indeed used for emphasizes with a strong sense of "power." However, it loses its effectiveness if it is used too often or if the word choices are not strong and defined/specific enough.

-some parts are wordy and a bit redundant... they can take away from your story a lot.

Quote:

She could glue on two black beads, and people would automatically assume it was a child’s toy.
Conjunctions are used to link 2 phrases/short sentences with similiar ideas into one. In this case however, there are no similiar ideas. The two phrases are unrelated with one another...

-you want "they were hers" instead of "her" as "hers" show possession.

-it's "its" not "its'"

-"happy" needs a period or elipses to follow after it... all sentences, intended run-ons or not, need punctuations XD

-the ending is slightly unclear... as the idea of "blue beads" are never mentioned anywhere but that one line. Sometimes the readers may get it from thinking over the 151 Pokemon, but not everyone will do so. Simply by inserting that same phrase elsewhere within your story so readers will realize that the ending is alluding to a previously read passage should solve the problem.

Good Points:
-another original approach at a Pokemon oneshot
-good/fair amount of support is shown for the theme
-story element and all characters are coherent throughout the story

Focuses to Improve On:
-grammar
-choice of diction: be sure to check the connotations too before using the word
-some parts are redundant and are unnecessarily wordy

Grammar Basics: 7/10
Characterization: 15/20
Coherence/Readability: 10/10
Tone/Structure: 14/20
Diction: 11/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (alliteration on key phrase)


Total: 74

EmeraldSky February 22nd, 2005 6:24 PM

I have a question...

I'm thinking about doing an adventure fic where Ash and co. are pulled into an RPG (which will draw on elements of Zelda and Final Fantasy) and they have to go through the game themselves.

My problem lies in what classes I should give everyone...I'm still debating between using the Kanto Trio (Ash, Misty, Brock) or the current party (Ash, May, Max, Brock) for the story, so I'd appriciate any help.

Here are my ideas for classes:

If I use the Kanto Trio:

Ash-Knight
Misty-Ninja/Samurai (in honor of the Ninja I have on Final Fantasy Tactics named for her)
Brock-Mage (all the mage types plus the summoner all rolled into one)


If I use the current party:

Ash: Knight
May: White mage/summoner?
Max: Not sure, probably a blue mage
Brock: Paladin (a knight that also knows magic)

oni flygon February 22nd, 2005 6:30 PM

Is there someone out there who could read my latest ficcy and at least comment on it? ;-;

*sigh* I should write more like I used to... v.v

Frostweaver February 22nd, 2005 6:53 PM

To EmeraldSky:

-well, if you want to be steretypical going along the line of the predictable FF line, then yes the current class besides Misty (ninja is a bit out of it...) definitely fits. (oh the healer is always ALWAYS the female character who's too kind to even kill a fly, while the main character is always an adaptable fighter! The male companion who's older than the main character is always some buffed up knight/melee warrior usually sucking in magic, while any other companions who are younger/same age as the hero are either black mages or support character! Oh gee I just summed up almost every FF character setup...)

Depends if you want to go serious or commedical... if it's commedical, swap all the jobs around (White Mage Brock go go go!). Otherwise, what you have is justified... some of the jobs can also be changed a little, but they won't matter too much.

Btw, paladin is restricted to white magic support only (refer to Beatrix of FF9). Paladin are "good guys." They don't use any other magic besides white ^^ In terms of most games and FF, this remains true.


To Oni-san:

-4th on the list? XD;;;

oni flygon February 22nd, 2005 6:55 PM

4th? Darn... v.v;;
Oh well... I'll be patient... ^^

EmeraldSky February 22nd, 2005 7:19 PM

frostweaver: I was thinking of the Ninja and Samurai classes in Final Fantasy Tactics (PSX) when I planned Misty as a Ninja (in fact, one of my strongest characters in FFT is a Ninja named for her)...and I'm still not sure what class to give Max...

Yamato-san February 22nd, 2005 8:12 PM

here's what I think on those Final Fantasy job classes.

Satoshi: Mediator
Haruka: Dancer
Masato: Calculator
Takeshi: Chemist (he does carry around the healing items and all that)

Remember, though, in RPGs like Final Fantasy Tactics, it's possible to change your jobs anytime between battles.

Geometric-sama February 22nd, 2005 8:37 PM

*looks @ waiting list* Cool! I'm first on the waiting list! *hopes that no one else PMs Frosty after this so I can get another story on the waiting list soon* XD I haven't had much reading lately. My stories go straight onto the xth page without a single reply.

Lily February 22nd, 2005 9:09 PM

Frosty...2 things:

1. Thanks for the review! (Even though I didn't PM ya) ^^

2. It's Onii-Chan* ;-;

Frostweaver February 23rd, 2005 12:15 AM

@ Emerald Sky- now FF/Zelda world do not revolve solely on FFT... (and another day I'll argue about how absolutely crappy the battle/job system is in FFT) I'm pretty sure that "Calculator" only exists in FFT and FFT alone, not even in any other FF series. It's not even in FFTA. It's not a very realistic class anyway... >>; ahem. I know what you mean as I played FFT too (and eventually traded it for FF8 which is a GREAT deal ^o^)

According to the stereotypical job distribution of FF, any supportive class will work... Just make sure that you did say how it got Zelda elements too. Right now it seems like it's totally tipped towards FF (and FFT in particular.) Personally, I suggest you to whip out original "classes" that corporates Pokemon elements into it as well... Remember that the Pokemon World also got a small set of "classes" ranging from "Pokemon Trainer" to "Pokemon Coordinator" or "Pokemon breeder." These are *also* classes. Just cause they're different from the FF ones... best to find ways to combine them, instead of just taking the classes from one side completely.

A common pitfall for any Pokemon crossover with any RPG game is that all Pokemon elements are usually lost besides the character names and the fact that Pokemon are now nothing more than the monsters you fight (ex: replace your standard Goblin with Rattata.) Stay away from this at ALL COST.

@ Jedi_Amara- you'll be 6th at least either way XD;;

@ Lily-chan- well you addressing Oni-san of course you use "chan"... now if I'm using that suffix as well, there will be "a lot of problems" lol XD! And plus, you did request a review for it on MSN a long time ago... and how come we seem to rarely talk with each other nowadays? ;-;

Dragonfree February 23rd, 2005 10:30 AM

Umm... do we still need to PM you to get you to read a chaptered fic that you're already reviewing? <<

oni flygon February 23rd, 2005 3:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
@ Lily-chan- well you addressing Oni-san of course you use "chan"... now if I'm using that suffix as well, there will be "a lot of problems" lol XD! And plus, you did request a review for it on MSN a long time ago... and how come we seem to rarely talk with each other nowadays? ;-;

Onii-chan means big brother, also... you know? O_o;; So she's correcting you in a way that she's trying to tell you to call me big brother...XD

Geometric-sama February 23rd, 2005 3:47 PM

o_O Hey Frosty, Niko, when did you turn 16? I didn't even notice... XD Anyway... 6th... how fast do you read, Frosty dear?

oni flygon February 23rd, 2005 3:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jedi_Amara
o_O Hey Frosty, Niko, when did you turn 16? I didn't even notice... XD Anyway... 6th... how fast do you read, Frosty dear?

Last month...XD
I had a birthday thread at OC... >.>

Geometric-sama February 23rd, 2005 4:10 PM

*giggles* Oh sorry, well happy birthday for last month. I didn't go into OC :P

Lily February 23rd, 2005 4:53 PM

JA called frosty 'dear.'

*hasty accusations made*

I originally thought Onii-chan was 16 so it doesn't make a difference to me. XD Oh, and JA, you have to teach me how you use words one day. o.o!!!

Frostweaver February 23rd, 2005 6:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oni flygon
Onii-chan means big brother, also... you know? O_o;; So she's correcting you in a way that she's trying to tell you to call me big brother...XD

But you *ARENT'* my older brother ;o; You should be calling me that ;p Most I can call you is by just plain old "san" anyway ;p (or younger brother I suppose...)

As for Dragonfree, yes you do. =p The point of this whole thing is to clear my reading debts >>; *cough cough*

And Lily... *hugs her closely*
But I know what you mean =p

Pucca! <3

Geometric-sama February 23rd, 2005 6:56 PM

Why can't I call Frosty "dear"? He asked me to take care of you in the mod lounge. That gives me the right to call him "dear" XD. Hm... what do you mean, Lily? You're using words right now!

Lily February 23rd, 2005 7:55 PM

....*JA is now her enemy! ;-;*

No no, I meant your word choices. o_O it was a question not meant to be answered. Just that I <3 your descriptions. =3

Frostweaver February 23rd, 2005 9:30 PM

@ Ridiculous

-when italics is used often in a story, it easily loses its ability to emphasize things... best to reduce the usage of italics here. Getting rid of bold should be fine too as the readers should be able to figure out the change in scene with the line break.

-if you're purposely planning a huge run-on paragraph, then cut out the conjunctions cause the conjunctions are pretty weird right now... as if trying to make it grammatically correct while it's obviously not. Same with italic/bold, it also loses effectiveness if it appears often. You have 2 paragraph that has this property, and 2 paragraphs for such a short work is quite a bit...

-a problem with another one of Lily's fanfic... it's *not Pokemon.* When the connection to Pokemon is as slim as the briefest mention of either a Pokemon or just a name (not even making an appearance or participating in an important role of the story), I'll rather call it... "not" a fanfic. This story is probably better off as an original story.

Other than that... not much to say ^^

Good Points
-excellent insert of other literature in order to enhance your own story
-great coherence throughout the story
-excellent usage of the climax to strengthen the theme

Focuses to Work On
-dont' force something to be a fanfic if it's not meant to ^^
-excessive usage of bold/italics
-too many run-on sentences

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Characterization: 18/20
Coherence/Readability: 10/10
Tone/Structure: 18/20
Diction: 18/20
Effort/Originality: 17/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (Pokemon-unrelated -1, incorporation +2)


Total: 91

other: -893289234 x 10^238093472 for taunting Lily ;_;

Real Total: F-A-I-L

(note: 90 above does earn Standard of Excellence usually... but the fact that it's not a Pokemon fanfic really cannot allow me to include it on the list... not fair to all the other fanfic who had a restriction on their topic to be Pokemon-related)

Strawberry Delcatty February 23rd, 2005 9:46 PM

Ladies and gentlemen...

HOENN MIRROR WORLD IS NOW FINISHED!

Just a few things to point out...

-Due to the fact that I was trying to make up for the days that I've missed updates, I really didn't have a lot of time to correct the mistakes (plus it's getting rather late where I am anyway). I know it's gonna hurt me, but time is a scarce resource, right? Plus, I've got the HMW website project to worry about (just got finished converting chapter one from script to story format to attract more readers when the site opens)
-Chapter 26 in my eyes is the official final chapter. 27 is more like a "what to expect in the sequel" type of chapter in terms of characters and some happenings.
-Unfortunately, you WON'T be getting the sequel right away. Instead, you have the wait till my new HMW site opens...and that could be a LONG time. Sorry!

oni flygon February 24th, 2005 7:25 PM

Yay! Only two more before mine!... I might get something like a fail...O.o;;

Frostweaver February 25th, 2005 11:43 PM

Last time I didn't bother to write the full review... but this time, prepare to face the true wrath of the harshest pokemon fanfic rating system on the earth...

@ Pokemon Lento Legions (ch. 10)

-I assume that you followed the advices from the last review, and ch. 10 is the polished product... so only ch. 10 is reviewed. Plus, there's enough to say anyway...

If you're planning on a scriptfic (which is almost digging yourself a new grave, as 50% of all scriptfics are close to unreadable, 30% are anime-wannabe-but-even-worst-and-as-if-the-anime-is-decent-to-begin-with, and 10% that's just silly. Only 10% are actually good fanfics to read... with such odds against you, be warned...) at least use the proper format to convey your ideas...

For example, no summary/prequel/plot description type of thing should exist in author's note. Why would anyone want to keep reading if they found out what is happening in the author's note already?

Don't mix in stage direction with the setting... the two are different O.o;

-"gang" is by no way a proper noun and does not need to be capitalized

Quote:

and Ash and his friends
Unless it is a specialized clause or if the author chooses to do so deliberately in order to emphasize panic or never-ending-speeches, there is almost no way that you should use the same word almost side by side (note: side by side is an example of one of those specialized clause) from each other. The 2 ands in this sentence needs to go. Rework the sentence and fix its syntax to avoid this problem of diction.

Quote:

Sarah:(scared) You guy’s, I’m very scared!
The 2 terms of scared are redundant. Use another word instead of repeating scared, or maybe just take out this entire line...

-most preferably, stage direction should be italicized or in square brackets, not just the normal brackets as they convey character emotions.

-brackets and character description should not be used excessively. Scripts often rely on solely the tone and the diction of speech to convey the character's moods and feelings. This is one of the major reasons why scriptfic is so much harder to write. Really... I can just read a dictionary if I'm to get nothing more but random lines in this format:
Quote:

<character> : (adjective or adverb) inconclusive line here
-"title theme" is such an anime thing... which you should stay MILES away from

-if the setting didn't change, why mention the setting/scene again as if we're in a new setting? =o

Quote:

Sarah:(thinking up an excuse) Uh… Uh… Boy, there’s
Again, you're repeating yourself... the "thinking up an excuse" is not a proper thing to insert into a normal bracket to begin with (as it's not an adjective or an adverb). On top of that, the tone of the "uh..."s already told your reader about it.

-agreeing to, not agreeing too. Watch out for these loopholes from your spell check.

-scripts cannot use so much "narrator talk" as if it's a narrative fanfic and talk about physical description like that... absolutely *everything* has to be done by what a character says or stage direction

-another thing about Pokemon creation... really do try with intense effort at the name of a new Pokemon. If the root word is used already (ex: Sparrow, Spearow, Sparry) then it's probably best to think more about it. As if the name isn't close enough to Spearow already, these Sparrys just have to attack in groups as if it's the first Pokemon Episode re-run with a new name.

-if all the characters seem to have the same personality (especially if it's the "perfect" personality), the story gets dull *very* fast... avoid this like plague as the Pokemon anime got this too

-don't try to give visual aids like a Pokemon is using an attack in those ugly brackets again... like I said before, scriptfic relies on conversations to almost do all of its job. Stage direction does exist, but these are *minimal* amount of actions done by the character.

For starters, pretend that you're writing a story to be broadcasted on radio... where your audience know absolutely nothing besides from what the characters are saying. Essentially, that is the key element to a scriptfic.

Good Points
-err... I'm not sure if any fanfic that's an exact replica of the Pokemon anime's filler episodes can have any possible good points actually o.o;

Focuses to Work On
-learning the basics to script writing *MAJOR*
-diction redundancy
-character development

Grammar Basics: 8/10
Characterization: 8/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Structure: 5/20
Diction: 5/20
Effort/Originality: 12/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0


Total: 47

No I really don't hesistate at giving out certain marks. ^^

Strawberry Delcatty February 26th, 2005 12:31 AM

Yes! I'm after Oni!

...but Frosty spelled my name wrong. It's NekoMAJO Asunya. ¬.¬

Geometric-sama February 26th, 2005 4:43 AM

Uh, excessive use of bold/italics? Well, the other thing I could have done was change the font, for example to Times/Arial for those things... but it's basically the same effect. The bold and italics were just for a change of scene, and I feel that it IS necessary to change font style for a change of scene.

Run-on sentences are also for a particular feel.

I suppose I didn't have to force a Pokéfic, but realistically I wanted to only because Other Writing gets no action, hence no reviews... then again, this is the only review I got in here too XD ^^

*taunts Lily for fun* Thanks, Frosty... dear.

Lily February 26th, 2005 8:29 AM

.........

*throws a rock at JA*

On another note: I *would* post my fic, since it fared well elsewhere. Eh...when I think it's bad, it's good, When I think it's good, it's bad.

=o?

Strawberry Delcatty February 26th, 2005 8:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyPichu
.........

*throws a rock at JA*

On another note: I *would* post my fic, since it fared well elsewhere. Eh...when I think it's bad, it's good, When I think it's good, it's bad.

=o?

I feel that way too. Meow.

Frostweaver February 26th, 2005 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jedi_Amara
Uh, excessive use of bold/italics? Well, the other thing I could have done was change the font, for example to Times/Arial for those things... but it's basically the same effect. The bold and italics were just for a change of scene, and I feel that it IS necessary to change font style for a change of scene.

Run-on sentences are also for a particular feel.

I suppose I didn't have to force a Pokéfic, but realistically I wanted to only because Other Writing gets no action, hence no reviews... then again, this is the only review I got in here too XD ^^

*taunts Lily for fun* Thanks, Frosty... dear.

it's just that some part don't even need to be bolded/italic/other font... they can just go on as normal font O.o; As for the run-on, yes indeed I know that it's for a particular feel. But if you're going to make it a run-on, then don't bother trying to use conjunctions (words are are suppose to stop a sentence being a run-on)... really it's contradicting yourself then.

rubyrulez February 26th, 2005 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
Last time I didn't bother to write the full review... but this time, prepare to face the true wrath of the harshest pokemon fanfic rating system on the earth...

@ Pokemon Lento Legions (ch. 10)

-I assume that you followed the advices from the last review, and ch. 10 is the polished product... so only ch. 10 is reviewed. Plus, there's enough to say anyway...

If you're planning on a scriptfic (which is almost digging yourself a new grave, as 50% of all scriptfics are close to unreadable, 30% are anime-wannabe-but-even-worst-and-as-if-the-anime-is-decent-to-begin-with, and 10% that's just silly. Only 10% are actually good fanfics to read... with such odds against you, be warned...) at least use the proper format to convey your ideas...

For example, no summary/prequel/plot description type of thing should exist in author's note. Why would anyone want to keep reading if they found out what is happening in the author's note already?

Don't mix in stage direction with the setting... the two are different O.o;

-"gang" is by no way a proper noun and does not need to be capitalized

Unless it is a specialized clause or if the author chooses to do so deliberately in order to emphasize panic or never-ending-speeches, there is almost no way that you should use the same word almost side by side (note: side by side is an example of one of those specialized clause) from each other. The 2 ands in this sentence needs to go. Rework the sentence and fix its syntax to avoid this problem of diction.

The 2 terms of scared are redundant. Use another word instead of repeating scared, or maybe just take out this entire line...

-most preferably, stage direction should be italicized or in square brackets, not just the normal brackets as they convey character emotions.

-brackets and character description should not be used excessively. Scripts often rely on solely the tone and the diction of speech to convey the character's moods and feelings. This is one of the major reasons why scriptfic is so much harder to write. Really... I can just read a dictionary if I'm to get nothing more but random lines in this format:


-"title theme" is such an anime thing... which you should stay MILES away from

-if the setting didn't change, why mention the setting/scene again as if we're in a new setting? =o

Again, you're repeating yourself... the "thinking up an excuse" is not a proper thing to insert into a normal bracket to begin with (as it's not an adjective or an adverb). On top of that, the tone of the "uh..."s already told your reader about it.

-agreeing to, not agreeing too. Watch out for these loopholes from your spell check.

-scripts cannot use so much "narrator talk" as if it's a narrative fanfic and talk about physical description like that... absolutely *everything* has to be done by what a character says or stage direction

-another thing about Pokemon creation... really do try with intense effort at the name of a new Pokemon. If the root word is used already (ex: Sparrow, Spearow, Sparry) then it's probably best to think more about it. As if the name isn't close enough to Spearow already, these Sparrys just have to attack in groups as if it's the first Pokemon Episode re-run with a new name.

-if all the characters seem to have the same personality (especially if it's the "perfect" personality), the story gets dull *very* fast... avoid this like plague as the Pokemon anime got this too

-don't try to give visual aids like a Pokemon is using an attack in those ugly brackets again... like I said before, scriptfic relies on conversations to almost do all of its job. Stage direction does exist, but these are *minimal* amount of actions done by the character.

For starters, pretend that you're writing a story to be broadcasted on radio... where your audience know absolutely nothing besides from what the characters are saying. Essentially, that is the key element to a scriptfic.

Good Points
-err... I'm not sure if any fanfic that's an exact replica of the Pokemon anime's filler episodes can have any possible good points actually o.o;

Focuses to Work On
-learning the basics to script writing *MAJOR*
-diction redundancy
-character development

Grammar Basics: 8/10
Characterization: 8/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Structure: 5/20
Diction: 5/20
Effort/Originality: 12/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0


Total: 47

No I really don't hesistate at giving out certain marks. ^^

I don't mind that it's so wickedly harsh, I want to write a good fanfic that everybody'll love! :D

The sad news is that I already wrote up to chapter 14 of Pokemon: Lento Legends without the new edits, so Pokemon: Lento Legends may be delayed after Chapter 13. Expect those edits from Chapter 14 onward...

Frostweaver February 26th, 2005 3:55 PM

@ Pocket Monsters Chronicles (ch. 3 and 4)

-setting really talks about the present only... but this isn't a big deal

-minor punctuation mistakes... dashes and commas are mixed around at times... meh

-Now some minor things about diction here and there... there are things which sound rather awkward and not as elegant as they possibly can be. For example...
Quote:

A foot wearing a sneaker steps on the ground, along with 4 small, furry legs.
It really can be reworked and its syntax fixed a bit... can't think of anything at the moment but it definitely doesn't sound too great at the moment.

-watch out if you're clear on what is the pronoun referring to in a sentence... usually we just avoid pronouns if we're ever using anything in the format of "____ and _____" as the subject of a sentence

-hmm I don't know... but I never see too much use for all those "sticks out index finger" stage direction yet they usually disturb the flow of an ongoing dialogue O.o;

-the Airmudo tear scene is... weird? I didn't understand that at all... not like it's significant, nor did it make much sense... clarify?

*note: slow flow of this story can possibly bore some readers... not like this is a mistake, but if you want to get a larger audience base... consider that.

Good Points
-an actual scriptfic that's actually written in proper form! (is that possible...?)
-a well done scriptfic that also contains anime elements
-great visual effect provided for the reader

Focuses to Improve On
-punctuation (mostly the comma when the dash should be used)
-possible rework with syntax and diction
-clarity/pronoun

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Characterization: 19/20
Coherence/Readability: 10/10
Tone/Structure: 17/20
Diction: 19/20
Effort/Originality: 20/20
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (foreshadow)


Total: 97 {STANDARD OF EXCELLENCE}

Congratulations! ^_^

(note: Even though there are the high marks, this fanfic definitely won't please all the readers out there... readers who are not appealed of a slow-paced story that want to get a strong foundation before the mainstream plot starts may not like this story a lot. But those who enjoyed the Pokemon Special manga will definitely have a great time with this piece of work. Pokemon Special got the exact same style and setup as this scriptfic.)

Yamato-san February 26th, 2005 7:43 PM

ALRIGHT!!! I made standard of excellence ^_^. And what's more, I tied with Lily's "A Light Kiss" as the highest rated fic ever. A shame you don't mention that little detail in your sig, though.

About the "Airmudo tear scene", I don't know the best way to describe this, but you know that anime facial expression where the character's eyes are closed -.- and tears stream down them in an obviously unserious fashion? Kinda like T.T except the |'s aren't so straight, but more like ~. That's the reaction for Airmudo I was looking for when that chicada got away.

And I realize the story's going at a slow pace, I mean, ten chapters and Hiro isn't even on a journey yet. But as stated before, I really go for an anime fashion here, and most anime don't just immediately "rush into the good stuff", so to speak. They take their time to develop characters, have events occur so that they make sense, etc. Mind you, I do realize there can be too much of a good thing, but I don't think I crossed that line yet.

Besides, have you ever looked at my old version? You want me to point you towards it so you can check it out for yourself? In the old version, I was pretty d*mn anxious to get to all the good action scenes and somewhat faithfully adapting the script my brother had for the first three chapters just to be lazy (he also rushed things), and what do I end up with? Several characters, including Hiro, seemed without much personality (Kiryuu, who was my own creation and not my brother's, was, and probably still is in the revision, the deepest, most-developed character throughout the series), pretty lousy plot devices, I constantly made quotes and scenes that even I felt didn't work well but went with them anyway because they seemed like the best thing I could pull out of my a** right then and there, I could go on all day. As you can see, I really want to avoid rushing things now.

Besides, even though it's slowly paced, I think I still managed to get in a few things that'd grab the reader's interests. For example, I managed to introduce Kiryuu with his a**-kicking abilities in full glory as opposed to demonstrating his fighting skills later on (in the old version, his first appearance was pretty pathetic). I'm sure several readers will be anxious for his next appearance. Also, as seen in the recent chapter, I'm bringing up that something is strange and unique about Hiro's Eievui rather early on as well (in the old version, nothing was brought up about it until Hiro reached the Union Cave). Over on Serebii, I've gotten quite a few comments from people on that, saying they can't wait to find out and such. So yeah, I got people hooked, that's what matters. If there're some people who don't like a story that paces itself, screw them, I've already got a fanbase that does like such stories. And sure, I'd like to increase my fanbase as much as the next person, but trying to attract people who don't like slower-paced stories is like getting a graphic-whore to play the original Super Mario Bros.

And I couldn't say I'm the best person at finding the right words, and when it comes to scene description, I don't think too much on how it sounds. I figure so long as the visuals can be properly gotten through to the reader, it's all that matters. Besides, as a script, probably the most important parts of it is character dialogue. I think a badly worded, though nicely-detailed, description can be pictured in the head just as effectively as a well-worded and nicely-detailed description. But when it comes to characters speaking, that's a whole different story because the reader actually pictures someone speaking those words, so I'd prefer keeping those in check more than description.

Lily February 26th, 2005 9:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
ALRIGHT!!! I made standard of excellence ^_^. And what's more, I tied with Lily's "A Light Kiss" as the highest rated fic ever. A shame you don't mention that little detail in your sig, though.

. . .

*pride- falling rapidly*

I made a new rival! XD

Geometric-sama February 27th, 2005 3:26 AM

*whacks Lily with a frying pan*

Actually, the font did need to change. Those sections with different fonts were either lines from a nursery rhyme - so needed distinction from the main story - or events that occurred about 40 years previously. Meh. XD :P

dqle February 27th, 2005 8:53 AM

Hi. Just want you guys to know that my first chapter of my first fanfic is posted. Past in Pieces is its name. I really don't expect a good review, however as it's my first one.

...

And no, this is not my Christmas Contest fanfic, frostweaver.

Frostweaver February 27th, 2005 1:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jedi_Amara
*whacks Lily with a frying pan*

Actually, the font did need to change. Those sections with different fonts were either lines from a nursery rhyme - so needed distinction from the main story - or events that occurred about 40 years previously. Meh. XD :P

Dare hit Lily again and I'm NEVER going to review for you again ;o;

The rhyme of course needed the italic, but the old events of the teacher in the past doesn't need the bold imho... the fact that the POV and the character changes is definitely enough. Plus, you're trying to draw the 2 events to be parallel (well not exactly parallel... more like related) so why bother to seperate them apart when you're trying to show the 2 different events' similiarities?

And dgle, I really won't bother to read fanfics now unless I got a PM... I got enough to read that way XD (and how DARE you misquote me and bend my words out of context about Lento Legions... lol)

As for Yamato-san, no I don't rank the 90+ stories according to their mark... in my opinion, scoring anything of 90 and above is already a good sign that the fanfic is a good read (but not gurantee to be everyone's taste. There are stories in there that I don't really like myself, but just that they're flawless and possibly someone else out there will enjoy it. Shouldn't deduct marks because I don't like it, hmm?)

dqle February 27th, 2005 2:35 PM

lol, frostweaver. I... Hey! what's wrong with this?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
And dgle, I really won't bother to read fanfics now unless I got a PM... I got enough to read that way XD (and how DARE you misquote me and bend my words out of context about Lento Legions... lol)

It's dqle, for cryin' out loud, not dgle! You did the same thing back at the christmas thing!!!
And I don't quite recall quoting about Lento Legends (you're slipping!) and especially re-quoting you, frostweaver. I may be older, but you have far more authority in the fanfics, so I know not to tick certain people off. Besides, you're in AP english and I'm just in Honors.

Anyways, thanks. I didn't know you would only take PM's now. I'll keep that in mind!

Frostweaver February 27th, 2005 4:46 PM

Now who said that I'm in AP English... I'm in English regular (and not in US so I don't have the choice of English Honors or not). And I thought that my siggy is clear enough about the PM thing ^^;

Oh and q/g all the same... ><; =D;; Lol ^o^ And you don't *have* to quote in order to bend words out of context anyway... but either way, gurantee no reviews until Wednesday because I got 3 unit exams coming up in a row (one each day so joy... x_x)

dqle February 28th, 2005 5:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
And you don't *have* to quote in order to bend words out of context anyway...

??? I did that?

I'm not trying to rush you! In fact, please, take your time. Unless of course you really want to hurry up and kill all dignity that I have left. (Dignity? What's that?) Still, maybe I should write more before you read it. It's a little short currently...

Hmm.... 3 exams... That really sounds like AP course equivilants to me! (Assuming that those exams aren't the finals or midterms and such...)

*Didn't you mention you were in AP English in the Christmas Contest Thread?

Geometric-sama February 28th, 2005 8:07 PM

Haha, Frosty has exams :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyPichu
*throws a rock at JA*

See? SHE started it. XD I whacked her in self-defence! Right Lileh?

oni flygon February 28th, 2005 8:11 PM

Yay! I'm finally next! ... (Frosty's probably gonna give me a low grade anyways... ._.)
*is writing his next fic*

Geometric-sama February 28th, 2005 8:27 PM

*is writing 3 fics at the moment*

Yes, Niko, I do have to upstage you all the time XD :P. Sorry XD. Don't worry, Frosty's not going to give you a bad review. If he does, I'll whack him with a frying pan... or with Lily :P

oni flygon February 28th, 2005 9:12 PM

I'm trying to write something as good as Valentine's Day...
That's why I'm taking my time on this, reading and rereading every paragraph as I type...

Aiya Quackform February 28th, 2005 11:36 PM

You all may or may not have read my one shot fic, "Into The Mud". I've had several requests for a sequel to it, and I was working on it when I came across a dilema. A big part of "Mud's" impact was the unfinality of it. Suggestions or thoughts?

Parl March 1st, 2005 1:03 PM

I have an idea for a good fan fic. If I make it, the first it's going is on the Haruka-Chan fan club, then I'll probably put it on here. Maybe in a few weeks/months though.

oni flygon March 1st, 2005 6:20 PM

Working on a fanfic for Yellow-chan's birthday...
... >.>

Breezy March 2nd, 2005 3:51 PM

If you guys wouldn't mind, I would huggle you to death if you read and review my new one-shot "Of Sticks and Stones". I think it's rather crappy (of course) and there's probably countless misplaced modifiers not to mention the fact that the entire plot is a tad . . . woo, but ja. You guys are one of the best forum reviewers I've seen ever so I'd really appreciate it.

But if not ('cuz you're lazy! >=P j/k), that's alrighty. ^^

And btw, would anyone know how many sentence types there are? I know there's more than nine (or not) but . . . meh.

Strawberry Delcatty March 2nd, 2005 4:02 PM

Fanfics to read
-Pocket Monsters Chronicles
-The One Drop

I'm a bad girl for staying away from this place for too long... :(

Frostweaver March 2nd, 2005 5:47 PM

@ The Tree Across the Meadow

-now the setting starts off with talking about the sun and the sky, then moving on to talk about the field... but why go back to the sky and the clouds again? Rearrange the order of the setting so that you're more consistent. That paragraph is also a bit wordy too...

-actually this fanfic seems to dweel upon wordiness... for example
Quote:

We would just be talking to each other like we would normally do
How about just "Like every other day, we were talking to each other."? It's easier to understand, and it cut down a few repeated, useless terms as well. Watch out for this, as romance fanfic relies on diction a lot... so be as clear and concise as you possibly can be.

-"today" when the rest of the story is past tense...? Watch out for the inconsistency in tense.

-the whole scene with Green trying to get Yellow to let her hair down didn't contribute to the story at all... o.o; if a scene doesn't contribute to the story, it's a clear signal that it needs to be edited

Quote:

Then we caught sight of that tree
now we had been introduced to that tree already, but it is most suitable if the tree is introduced here instead when it enters the plot... so the readers won't cast the tree aside along with the clouds and the grass as just a metaphoric language for "a perfect day."

-a sentence emphasizes the last word in the sentence 90% of the time, so always try to place the key terms last in a sentence. "It was just a single tree out there..." therefore should be changed so that the word "tree" is placed last.

-avoid using 2 "and"s as a conjunction like plague

-knee-deep not knee-length

-mentioning oxygen is a terrible mood killer ;o; avoid scientific terms unless you're trying to create that feel

-now you have a guy with brown hair, a girl with blonde hair, and in a cute scenery they kissed... "oookay." The kiss just happened because "it did," according to the story. Pokemon Special never *vividly* explained or shown evidence that Yellow and Green are in love (you can argue it, but it never told us in black ink on paper), so you can't assume that they're in love already. Your fanfic must develop both of their characters to show support of this. You don't have to have chapters after chapters to develop the characters. Even the smallest hint in tone or body language will do, as long as they appear frequently enough, which is what this fanfic lacks (there are some but far from enough) and is the major downfall for this fanfic.

Good Points
-clear, vivid imagery
-simple and precise in plot
-a suitable overall atmosphere of a heart warming fanfic

Focuses to Improve On
-characterization
-diction
-sentence organization and wordiness
-tenses (minor)

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Characterization: 12/20
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Tone/Structure: 15/20
Diction: 17/20
Effort/Originality: 16/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0


Total: 78

oni flygon March 2nd, 2005 5:52 PM

Yay Frosty reviewed my story! XD

Quote:

the whole scene with Green trying to get Yellow to let her hair down didn't contribute to the story at all... o.o; if a scene doesn't contribute to the story, it's a clear signal that it needs to be edited
THOU SHALT NOT MAKE ME CHANGE REAL LIFE INSPIRED EVENTS!!! ;o;

Quote:

-now you have a guy with brown hair, a girl with blonde hair, and in a cute scenery they kissed... "oookay." The kiss just happened because "it did," according to the story. Pokemon Special never *vividly* explained or shown evidence that Yellow and Green are in love (you can argue it, but it never told us in black ink on paper), so you can't assume that they're in love already. Your fanfic must develop both of their characters to show support of this. You don't have to have chapters after chapters to develop the characters. Even the smallest hint in tone or body language will do, as long as they appear frequently enough, which is what this fanfic lacks (there are some but far from enough) and is the major downfall for this fanfic.
Okay, that is an error I didn't really intend...XD I forgot to say much about the background on how they would like each other already...but yeah...I'll edit it somehow sooner or later...>.>;; It is a fanfiction afterall, Frosty...XD So you can expect me to become really wild and be a Feelingshipper...XD

Frostweaver March 2nd, 2005 5:57 PM

And all those pokeshippers of Ash+Misty (ewww!!!) out there also obeys the rule of the game by providing supporting evidences to them being in love as well ;p

Don't necessarily have to change real life inspired events. Just have to mend it in the proper slot so it contributes... or simply adding a few sentences without changing the event itself is very sufficient in making that part "meaningful."

Geometric-sama March 2nd, 2005 7:57 PM

If people want reviews, in general I'll review oneshots but chapter fics are too long for me to bother reviewing at the moment... maybe sometime later ^^

Rebecca M. Renfield March 3rd, 2005 3:10 PM

I know I'm new and all, but I feel I've gotten a cold shoulder for it.... Is my fiction "The Kuraitenshi" just too different from the traditional canon to be acceptable?

Frostweaver March 3rd, 2005 4:06 PM

When is dark fic ever "too different" O.o; ever since Pokemon MASTER started the entire trend, it became one of the most welcomed type of Pokemon fanfiction... Your thread is made only 1 day ago and by PC's standard in fanfic, it's quite a new thread actually ^^;

And also, part of a "welcomed story" (*not necessarily good, just welcomed... and a good story doesn't have to be welcomed) is to know when is the proper time to update and all... ^^

Strawberry Delcatty March 3rd, 2005 5:16 PM

All right! I'm next-na no da!
*prays for a better score*

rubyrulez March 4th, 2005 9:01 PM

Well, chapter 12 for Pokemon: Lento Legends is now up! :)

Aiya Quackform March 5th, 2005 9:26 AM

I need a test reader for a .hack one shot of mine. Any volunteers? Someone familiar with the .hack//sign series is preferable.

Lily March 5th, 2005 9:34 AM

I've read .hack the manga, not signs, but I know the general idea of it.

o.o Not sure if that'll help though.

Flatulus March 5th, 2005 11:45 AM

... oops, I forgot to mention that chapter 5 is up in 'Destiny of Understanding' yesterday, hope everyone enjoys it, since it is the fan fic of the week.

Aiya Quackform March 5th, 2005 2:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyPichu
I've read .hack the manga, not signs, but I know the general idea of it.

o.o Not sure if that'll help though.

Are you familiar with the character Helba? I should have specified that I need someone familiar with Helba.

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 8:29 PM

Well, I have some plans for a new fanfiction so I have something to do here. Let me warn you right now: if you're one of those tomboys or muscleheads who like action and adventures, I suggest not checking out this fanfic when I put it up...except for Frosty who has to review it when I PM him (perhaps after the first two or three chapters), whether he's a macho man or not! *evil witch-like cackle*

Frostweaver March 5th, 2005 9:27 PM

@ Hoenn Mirror World (ch.6 - 7)

-definitely suffers "Golden Sun Syndrome." o.o; Wonder if there's a more appropriate name for those who haven't played Golden Sun... Either way, there's *huge* problems if all of your characters got identical personalities, as if it's those dreaded Jhoto episodes... huge *huge* problem ;o; Mariah and Mirror Mariah having close to identical identities is acceptible because they're the mirrors of each other anyway (Either way though, Mariah adopts to the new world too easily to be able to cope with all that is happening so quickly too), but the other two... really no excuse for them. I can't stress what a huge problem it is to end up having your whole main party being like Max in the Pokemon anime now (the filler character who do nothing and has nothing and acts like nothing)

-scriptfic relies on tone to reflect characterization... in this case all the tone of the 4 girls are identical. Ties in with the first problem... cover up the names of who is saying what line, and you honestly cannot tell who is saying what unless physical descriptions are mentioned... Cascadia got the best out of all so far being a former aqua sorceress, which was interesting until readers realize that this trait didn't seem to make her different from the other girls...

-Mirror Elders are all basically helpless people of this world whose best Pokemon shall be mutated to an evil form every episode o.o; With such predictability, you will soon get a "filler episode" feeling as you will pretty much safely predict what those chapters will be like... try to find the shards, meet the mirror elder of that place, then meet the mirror elder (Wattson is a bit better with a battle in this stage), mirror elder's Pokemon transformed to an "evil" form then Mariah's party beat up the evil mutant, and the evil mutant transform back to its original form... >>;

-have to watch out for consistancy... for example, Magneton's evil form title... sometimes it's in caps, but sometimes not...

-the fanfic seems to have a very strong tendency to say that "things happen because it happened." Scenes such as teaching Secret Power just seemed to happen... readers don't know when it happened, nor do they know how it happened... it just happened... o.o; really not the most interesting way to explain something that happened. Another example is how the narrator suddenly throws the fact at us that Archie got a hold of Cascadia, and technically we have no idea who this Archie is too (always assume that your reader is ignorant of anything about plot, except what a Pokemon is, how the Pokemon world function and what is Pokemon battling). However, the dream sequence is a good start to finally kick in some differences among the characters.

-there are some cases where the sentence is really unnecessarily long... O.o; so watch out for diction and syntax

-Magneton probably wins best character so far in this fanfic =p It actually has a tone of voice of its own.

Good Points
-start of characterization
-original concepts
-not much grammar mistakes
-increased readability since last review

Focuses to Improve On
-*TONE*
-further characterization (can never use too little of that)
-diction and syntax

Grammar Basics: 9/10
Characterization: 10/20
Coherence/Readability: 10/10
Tone/Structure: 7/20
Diction: 12/20
Effort/Originality: 17/20
Lit. Device bonus: +0


Total: 65

Probably too late to edit the later chapters of HMW, but hopefully these changes can be applied to the version of HMW that's being rewritten right now ^^

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 9:39 PM

*waves arms like crazy* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

This can't be happening! I can't be getting a 65! 71, I can cope with (to an extent). 65 is abmysal...

How can I, someone who managed to win Best Author at PE2K how-many-times in a row, get a score that low?

Sorry for going ballistic, but I was expecting at least a 75.

Wait till everyone at PE2K hears about this...

rubyrulez March 5th, 2005 9:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekomajo Asunya
*waves arms like crazy* NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

This can't be happening! I can't be getting a 65! 71, I can cope with (to an extent). 65 is abmysal...

How can I, someone who managed to win Best Author at PE2K how-many-times in a row, get a score that low?

Sorry for going ballistic, but I was expecting at least a 75.

Wait till everyone at PE2K hears about this...

Don't worry about it too much, I got a 47 on mine, yet there are a lot of others that like it. This one review doesn't reflect the opinions of the masses...

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 9:44 PM

Yeah... but...

When you have a handful of fans, make lots of banners, draw some character pics, make a website about it, and other stuff like that, you'd want to commit suicide too if you got a score that low.

Breezy March 5th, 2005 9:53 PM

Lol, different authors have different opinions. I know how you feel ('course I've never had a frosty review since, to be honest, he scares me XP) on thinking you're great a great author and then well, having it somewhat shatter down. 'Course, I always knew my fics were crappy but . . . meh.

Besides that though, I always thought the purpose of a review was to point out what you need to work on, and not the score ('course it makes things fun lol).

LaTeR dAyZ!

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Lol, different authors have different opinions.

I'm perfectly aware of that.

What I don't understand is that why do I get high praise at PE2K, yet I get left in the dust here...

Lily March 5th, 2005 10:05 PM

Reactions are pretty random, huh?

lol. Whenever I get a 'frosty review,' I just anticipate it and hold my breath, but know it's something good at the end. =D

Besides, reviews are supposed to help you. ^^ You can always try again. 65 isn't *that* bad. I've seen worse. 8)

*runs*

Aiya Quackform March 5th, 2005 10:08 PM

Oh, man, I'm nervous about Frosty reviewing "Mud". It's easily my most respected Fic. I'm wigging out that Frosty won't like it, but I still have to know what a great reviewer like Frosty thinks of it...

*wrings hands in anticipation* ... *wonders if anyone actually wrings their hands in real life*

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 10:11 PM

I appreciate the constructive criticism (even though I get next to none). It's the score I'm rather sickened of.

If I get anything lower than a 70, then something's wrong.

I knew I should've gotten rid of HMW when I had the chance.

Breezy March 5th, 2005 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekomajo Asunya
Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Lol, different authors have different opinions.

I'm perfectly aware of that.

What I don't understand is that why do I get high praise at PE2K, yet I get left in the dust here...

Like I said, different authors/reviewers have different opinions and different set of standards. Some might be lighter while some are harsher.

Don't take low scores negatively. If you get a low score, I'd figured that you want to improve yourself instead of complain about it.

'Course, that's just me.

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 10:17 PM

I'll just take off HMW tomorrow to prevent wasting Frosty's or anyone else's time.

Breezy March 5th, 2005 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nekomajo Asunya
I'll just take off HMW tomorrow to prevent wasting Frosty's or anyone else's time.

Take it off if you want to improve it so your score will be better but don't take it off if you're discouraged. :rambo:

Random smilie, I know. Don't ask. But then again, if you're discouraged but want to improve your fic . . .

Meh. x_X *suffers from confuzzlement*

Lily March 5th, 2005 10:30 PM

He was just being a reviewer. Taking your fic off won't solve anything- try and improve and then see the score you'll get. Take pride in your work. =)

For example...

I still have this fic that I'm really proud of, but frosty gave it a 75 or so. Although he gave it a surprising score, I still consider it one of my best ones for some reason. XD

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 10:36 PM

Well, there's a problem with that.

HMW1 is finished, and I'm currently doing the sequel. If he reviewed it over the summer, it'd help. However, since I'm already at chapter 10 (which will probably be the last chapter as well since I'd be giving up on it and fan fiction writing in general), I don't think that any constructive criticism would help. So, there's either two options for me: keep on going, or just call the whole thing off (which would probably made everyone's day here).

Aiya Quackform March 5th, 2005 10:42 PM

For crying out loud, don't give up on writing because of one review!

Ask yourself a simple question. Why do you write? If the answer is to impress everyone who reads it, you shouldn't have started in the first place.

But, if your answer is that you love writing, which I think you do, then why would you let another person stop you? You're writing for yourself, because you enjoy it. Why stop?

Besides, nobody's perfect. Not even Frosty or Lily. Everyone has to be a bad writer at some point. Then they move up to mediocre, OK, good, great, fantastic, or even publishable! We all have to start at the bottom and work our way up. It's unavoidable! Don't get discouraged because you're not in the "fantastic" or "publishable" level yet.

Sorry if I went off a bit, I just don't think you're being fair to yourself.

Yamato-san March 5th, 2005 10:55 PM

Nekomajo, will you stop being such a p*ssy!?! You know what your problem is? You give up too ****ing easily the second things start to look bad for you. I tell you what I think is wrong with the first few chapters of HMW a while ago, and you're about to give up on fanfic writing altogether, and now you're repeating the same thing here. We try to help, but you're only making it go in vain. Listen, when you get knocked down, you're not meant to just sit there and cry about it. You're supposed to get back up, then try and get stronger, and hopefully one day, you won't be knocked down again so easily. You've just come to the realization that Pokemon Elite 2000 has extremely low expectations compared to the likes of fic forums like this, and right now, you're just b****ing about it. Just stop, research how you can write a fiction that can match public standards, and just try again. The great authors on this forum don't fall so easily. In fact, I gladly welcome any criticism, even the extremely harsh kind, so long as it can help me. For now, leave your fic up. If more people can view it, perhaps they can see where you've gone wrong, and they too can help you to write something better like a revision or something. Just don't give up so easily, alright?

Strawberry Delcatty March 5th, 2005 11:14 PM

I... really don't know what to say anymore.

Frostweaver March 6th, 2005 1:16 AM

First of all, no sympathy or pity from me to someone who will falter at a few words that aren't even intended to pierce the heart like a sword.

So what if your fanfic got banners and custom sprites that go with the story? True that a few pictures can be interesting and make your story more unique among the others, but does that mean that a story is automatically praise-worthy because of their existance? If that is the case, why do I write? Let's get a painter, and paint a brilliant picture to go with a "ink on paper" story... so now am I the best writer online?

A good fanfic isn't defined by the pretty fonts or the colorful pictures. Or should I say... just any piece of writing, and not just a fanfic? A good piece of writing can free our souls to reach a new realm, perhaps even beyond the restrictions of reality. It can move our hearts to behave a certain way while we read the text, or perhaps it is even powerful enough to enlighten us about what is life itself? A writer reveals to the world what he or she believes as "life" in a writing. Be it about Pokemon, or Digimon, Yugioh or whatever the topic is, a good writing can shine light on what the author believes in.

How can a piece of writing do such wonders? Through every single element in the story itself! The way characters react to the plot may show different aspects of the human nature itself. Setting comes it to assist in our understanding on the plot. Tone and diction can move our mind to think in a certain way. Authors can manipulate tone and diction in order to lead the readers into where the author is trying to take them. Metaphors, smilie and other writing elements further helps our learning. At the same time, all of this contributes to a sense of "reality," telling us that the world that we're reading about is actually our own. What must we realize according to the author? What can we learn from the author's hidden message in the story underneath the characters, setting, plot and all?

A writer writes to tell the world what he or she believes in. A reader reads in order to find out what other people in the world believes in.

It is a difficult task to accomplish such a grand task. How can writers do all of this at once? That is why we have reviewers, on a relative scale, more experienced writers/readers (or both of these roles) who can assist the writers in conveying their ideas. Reviewers tell them how somethings should be done in order for the writers to convey their ideas in a more clear manner.

*That* should be why we write; why we read and why we review/comment on fanfics. If your motif is to score the 80+, I'm sorry but you'll *never* reach that goal. Only if you do have your heart set on this goal can you ever truly reach a "good mark." If you are upset about where your writing level is at right now, then by all means try your best to outdo yourself next time! Ask people for help on where to improve. Ask fellow writers on ways to improve yourself. Read other people's work to see what is in their writing that is missing in your own. Perhaps you'll even want to be partners with someone else, so you can proofread one another's work! There is all kinds of ways to learn togehter on how to write, and even how to read. Focus on your own learning, and the marks will follow along with it.

Did I mention how our Emotional Quotas make up 83% of our success and our abilities, while IQ only makes up 7% of it? Proves that our attitude and behavior are certainly a lot more important than out gifts and talents.

Long post from Frosty... but then writing long long stuff that sounds technical yet makes no sense is part of my tone =p


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Strawberry Delcatty March 6th, 2005 1:39 AM

Well, after reading that...

It makes me wanna leave even more.

Unfortunately, I can't delete my fic. Unless there is someone who desperately wants to read it (since I doubt after looking at my score), can a mod remove it? And I don't want it locked either. I want it COMPLETELY deleted. I gave everyone a chance to adapt to my writing style, but it turned out wasted.

So, goodbye.


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