![]() |
And once again, LilyPichu has outdone herself... One of an uncomparable story for all Pokemon fanfics in history...
@ Forgiving Tears -commas and periods... they are not interchangable ^_^; gotta watch out for them. In the introduction you tend to mix them up quite a few times. -biggest problem: past tense and present tense. Choose one, and stick with it. The first half of the story is past tense, and the 2nd half is present? That is the only thing really worth complaining about in the entire story. -*puts a huge supposedly cool looking label: "Greatest Pokemon Irony of all Time"* -hmm either I'm seeing things or none of you fellow readers are seeing the carefully planned things within this fanfic. I can go on for a very long time analyzing this story to the depth of the sea for it, but nah as that'll bore too much ppl... I'll sum it up. -This isn't a sad story, but rather a story about irony. Vaporeon isn't as forgiving as it claims to be, as it holds on much bitterness and hatred even when it dies. Vaporeon's tone doesn't sound very forgiving throughout the entire story, and greatly lacks the idea of "innocense" throughout the entire story (even when it is narrating its own life before having a trainer.) In a pro narrative story like this, readers always have to keep in mind if the narrator is believable and is telling the complete truth. The narrator is also a character, meaning that it can lie just like any other character (therefore, the narration may just be FALSE.) This is exactly what Vaporeon is doing. Not everything is the complete and total truth (or maybe it doesn't even realize what it's saying.) For example, Vaporeon is displeased regarding the 2nd female trainer and winning the various medals (which I will guess to be contests but it's lacking a little bit of info to reassure that guess), how she says "I did it!" Vaporeon is upset how she didn't do anything, that it did all the work within whatever it has to go through. It claims that she is selfish and arrogant, and so it refuses to really love her. However, the ironic thing is that Vaporeon is equally selfish and arrogant in return. Vaporeon doesn't give credit to the girl who taught her acid armor, and says "I did it." It's the same thing as what the trainer has just said. It's the complete joy of irony ^_^ There are many other carefully laid examples of this. Forgiving Tears not only demonstrates great usage of irony, but character description in its ultimate form- implicit descriptions. It's not like those stories that spend a whole paragraph(s) on character description, like "Vaporeon has a blue scaly body, a dorsal fin and has a fine long tail. It likes to play around near the water" and blah blah blah. In this fanfic, very little about Vaporeon's personality is narrated. Only something about Vaporeon's past is talked about. All the other stuff, such as Vaporeon's arrogant and selfish nature, is not said out loud but requires the readers to think about it in order to understand. The descriptions are all there, but it will depend on the readers to find it. (gurantee you, someone will complain about lack of "description and everything else" eventually) Very brilliant piece of work, very well done! Great job! Overall rating- very impressed... |
OMG you're the best frost! ^_^ *hugs*
Hm, true you have pointed out the irony of my whole 'dramatic' story, and most readers elsewhere merely pointed out the 'poetic flow' of the story, nothing about irony. I didn't think...anyone would point out that the Vaporeon was being selfish and arrogant a bit without actually indicating it, and you're like, the first person who didn't show actual pity for the Vaporeon. Once again, thank you for the review. Oh, and I suppose I better work on my past and present tense. I tend to write like that for some reason, it sounds good. oO; Frost, you are an excellent reviewer. OMG ><; *hugs* |
I think that the "poetic" thing is only a misuse of literary terms. In poems we tend to expect these kind of things right away. If it's a poem, then everything is implicit (as it can't spare the length for explicit details) and there must be a well hidden theme. Since this story shares the hidden qualities all the other good poems in the world share, whoever that reader is must have mixed up this feeling of implicit sceneries with poetry. So really whoever read that has succeeded in picking up something, just not quite there yet. I'm very sure that if he or she rereads the story again, s/he will pick it up surely.
You're really overrating me ^_^; I do write myself, but really I can't think of ways to write so well myself. I am just better at complaining and whining XD I dunno how the others are feeling sorry for Vaporeon. The tone is just so terrible that it's by no way forgiving. I mean just because the title say so, doesn't mean that "forgiveness is the theme!" The Vaporeon, who's suppose to be pitied, died not at the pond, but when it shed the tear (*pokes the title*) in its first Pokemon battle. From that point onward, Vaporeon is not to be pitied as it hates absolutely everything and is becoming one of the trainers itself. It doesn't even pity its own kind who's also trapped to Pokeballs and the brutal life of training. Not to be pitied! More likely, the title suggests how the beauty of forgiveness was shed away during that scene, and Vaporeon went on a dark and miserable life from that point onward, corrupted to the bones. The vocabulary of "forgiveness" is with it as indicated by the end, but the meaning was long lost. |
You've just outdone yourself reading this, seriously. NO one has ever pointed out those things of my fics, thinking forgiveness as in my fic meant to feel pity for the Vaporeon after all she's been through, but really as I said in my fic, one mustn't make hasty judgements about the main character. The last paragraph was just...wow. You just...wow. I just can't explain it, but you kinda did it all for me so meh.
By poetic sense, I meant the natural flow of how the story went along. I'm not sure if I entirely agree with that idea, but I did try to do that, and obviously I failed. *smacks self* OMG you should take up a job as a reviewer. I'm sure the wages are high for that. And it 'shows' by all means that you are certainly experienced with the whole concept of writing, based upon your reviews and all. ^_^... |
Said by the 12 year old girl who can write something at this high writing level? heh ^^; When did the reviewer get more credit than the brilliant writer herself?
Some fanfics I can start reading it and know that it's going to be "character description, setting, plot plot plot, setting, plot plot plot, a twist! then plot plot plot to the end." Those fanfics you just have to cruise through them to see what's happening if it interests you. Not that those fanfics are bad, but it's less time consuming for readers as they can be careless and just fly through it, and that its easier for the nerves because now you don't need to use so much storage space for "oh wait isn't this a repetition line? So it must be important! Hmm let's reread this paragraph to see what's so important" and so on. This fanfic is one of those ones like the short stories you get as English homework. I seriously had to keep a lot of things in mind in order to pick up some things that I could have missed if I didn't take English from my current teacher, who I hate a lot but nevertheless a teacher who taught me a lot about picking up these types of stuff. So yeah pretty much I have to treat this as reading an English assignment in order to pick up all that there is, and those assignments are usually written by professionals. So certainly you've outdone yourself by a heavy lot, oh miss 12 year old writing in almost professional level. ;p And if I'm really that good at picking up these analyzes, I won't have to drop out of English IB and go to English regular for school then >>; Plus I personally "think" that I should be able to pick out at least a feel things like that, considering that I did afterall take 4 more years of English than you XD;;; I being able to pick out these things is not because of "oh superior intelligence from Frosty," but "well guess the government isn't wasting the tax payer's money for the education system afterall." Ok ok I'll shut up about all these reading junkie now >>; Oh and the poetry thing! The flow of the story isn't called "poetic feel" but it's called transition. It's not a "bonus" like how the irony and repetition are present in this fanfic. Transition are a must. I didn't say anything about it, because it is there. If I say something about it, then you know that you're messed XD (oh I'm very sure many other authors died at that already... oh those who got stabbed by my cold knife of death in the heart will surely understand!) |
I'm not 12. I'm a 17 yr old in disguise as a 12 yr old. *whistles innocently* And it isn't high writing level or brilliancy...just a few fancy words stirnged together. ^_^
mmm the reviewer should get better credit because you're the one who actually helped me depict my flaws and the improvements a story could make. You really are good at noticing these things about my story, you do know that? oO; Not all reviewers I have met could do that, save for a certain 15 yr old. :P And I do not write in a professional level! ;-; I am far from that degree, and no, I'm not sounding modest or anything, just truthful.. And you go to a different english class? Wow, it shows...And um this part, "well guess the government isn't wasting the tax payer's money for the education system afterall." <- LOL on that one. XD I wish my school would teach more than just the basic writing skills and all. I mean, great review but gets quite tedious after some time stating well...>_> *unshuts frost* Now why would a person shut up when the reader is enjoying reading these things? o.o |
I have updated Pkmn Beyond ep1
|
oh you shut up because it's just not right when 2 people hog an entire lounge for themselves, when a lounge is "supposedly to be shared by everyone" XD; Then again, hardly anyone else is using it except for advertisement purposes... I'm like the only one who actually put reviews at this place instead of the same thread as the story o.o;
*cough cough* And it's enough to say a high level writing when a few fancy words are being strung together in a certain complicated manner, which is lacking in many author's writing, including my own ^^; Now like what I said before, reviewing is a lot easier than writing. I try to write something, then dump it down for 2 weeks before I post it. After 2 weeks, you are no longer the "writer" but a normal reviewer as the sense of familiarity is fading. Then you start picking out flaws. Though I can manage to pick out some more grammatical flaws here and there, and change one or two wordings, I really cannot manage to plan out irony, as it's just so difficult to write. Angst and hatred are personally easy for me as well, as tone and repetition takes care of that easily, but irony... it just takes so much planning that my head exploded when I try to include and plan out irony in my own story. I mean irony can make a work super famous even if it's nothing out of the ordinary in terms of plot! The story of King Oedipus is classical example. The plot isn't really that good, and it's very disgusting, yet it's considered one of the best play around the world, because it has absolutely nothing but irony. Of course you are still far away from the truly professionals who are making big bucks through writing (nah they don't mix up their tenses XD), but still for a 12 year old, you are out of the league of even senior high/high school. And just keep waiting until 14, then the first Literature Analyze assignment should present itself... somewhere around there they will finally drop those boring grammar worksheets. XD And like I said again, I am no longer in English-IB, because I just suck too much to continue in that rank of supremacy... if my English skill is really as decent as you claim it to be, then I would have been able to at least survive in English-IB, not drop out of it and back to English regular... ;_; (PS: So agree with you regarding 1 shots... just take your time to write it, and poof it's done! No need to worry about people going "so when's the next chapter" XD;; That is, if I can ever write to the point of having fans saying that ^^') *cough cough* (realizes that he's saying too much irrelevant things again) |
Ah! Thinking you are corrupting a 12 yr old's mind again? :P
Yes, take pride into being hoggers of the fanfic lounge. o.o Irony...Well, my literature class has started learning it not long ago, and my writing just comes out like that as much as I want it to transvert back to a bit...'happier' ones in term. Mmm based upon your reviews and your expertise at it, you ARE a good writer IkowitIknowitIknowit! ;-; *wants to read one of frost's stories o.o* But well, I know there are plenty of better writers than me who are the same age as me...so I always feel I'm not good enough..strange... |
Quote:
Quote:
I am working on one but it's not getting off the ground, because stupid homework is sapping my time like crazy ;_; Quote:
Ok just to steer this on-track a little... a dear poem that I thought you maybe interested in. It also talks of irony, and is like... my homework! Yay! But then I have full confidence that you'll understand this perfectly, as the ironic stuff isn't that much different from your own fanfic anyway. Also one way to improvement writing is reading. So it will surely help you if you see how professionals handle irony, then you can compare it to your own and make future changes. note: few things worth noting about in case if you don't know if you're reading this poem: -World War 2 within Europe is taking place, and the Germans are attacking the rest of Europe... well there are others but mainly Germans. Westminster is a place in England... -there's also a few older english vocab like "vox humana" but unfortunately I can't find the definition of these words for you... sorry ;_; But either way, you can still draw irony from this poem regardless of those words, as irony is absolutely everywhere. This poem also got character description about whoever is narrating this, just like how Vaporeon narrates your fanfic. Quite a bit of similarities in its own way regarding narration... mmhmm. Try to read this if you have the time ^_^; (for those other writers out there, feel free to read this as well and try to analyze the living daylight out of this, in order to improve your own writing) In Westminster Abbey Let me take this other glove off As the vox humana swells, And the beauteous fields of Eden Bask beneath the Abbey bells. Here, where England's statesmen lie, Listen to a lady's cry. Gracious Lord, oh bomb the Germans. Spare their women for Thy Sake, And if that is not too easy We will pardon Thy Mistake. But, gracious Lord, whate'er shall be, Don't let anyone bomb me. Keep our Empire undismembered Guide our Forces by Thy Hand, Gallant blacks from far Jamaica, Honduras and Togoland; Protect them Lord in all their fights, And, even more, protect the whites. Think of what our Nation stands for, Books from Boots and country lanes, Free speech, free passes, class distinction, Democracy and proper drains. Lord, put beneath Thy special care One-eighty-nine Cadogan Square. Although dear Lord I am a sinner, I have done no major crime; Now I'll come to Evening Service Whensoever I have the time. So, Lord, reserve for me a crown. And do not let my shares go down. I will labour for Thy Kingdom, Help our lads to win the war, Send white flowers to the cowards Join the Women's Army Corps, Then wash the Steps around Thy Throne In the Eternal Safety Zone. Now I feel a little better, What a treat to hear Thy word, Where the bones of leading statesmen, Have so often been interr'd. And now, dear Lord, I cannot wait Because I have a luncheon date. -- John Betjeman |
If we slack off, we get whacked by a baseball bat by one of the super moderators and they force us to run laps around the forums. XP Nah jk jk...we just don't slack off unless the topic is uberdead...And the only story you wrote was that? Hm. *makes note to read it* I like sad fics. o.o They remind me of...o.o;;; Just how the world is bleak sometimes I guess.
And for the last time, I do not have skills. ;-;! It is fancy words stringed together end of story. o.o Hm...read a poem...K I'm kinda nervous I'll fail to understand it now but.. Hah LOL at the last line. I think...I sort of get it. For some reason, the last line said most of it, but the other lines...Ah. Well, to me, this poem is about irony but...sarcasm is involved huh is that right? Mmm sorry but my mere intellect of a child's mind isn't smart enough to decipher this. T_T Mainly because...I'm afraid I got it wrong into explaining things...they often come out wrong and people mistake it for the wrong answer, which is probably what just happened. Okay now I'm REALLY not ready for high school if they do these kind of stuff. Meh. ._.; *sticks her head inside some textbook* |
lol hence that's why there's a few more years of English classes between the grammar worksheets and stuff like this ^_^ And well said, sarcasm is in it as well. Just like how we expect "oh look it's a woman who's praying in times of being slaughtered by the Germans... 1, 2, 3, AWWWWWWW" (like how everyone else thinks of dear Vappy), we get some ugly selfish arrogant unforgiving old folk praying, and other various cool things like that ^_^ Someday another time when it's not so late I'll explain it further via PM or in the lounge again. Or maybe I'll throw this poem as part of the writing FAQ as an example of irony and other various writing techniques that I know of.
I dunno... sad stories just come to me more natural than others. It just seems... easier to write, and much better to read too. Meh no one cares about happy ending... the main character *must suffer.* AHAHAHAHA *cough cough* |
Mmmmk. ^_^ (I still don't get why you aren't a fanfic mod T__T)
Sad stories are fun to write. It makes things more dramatic and more suspenseful really...I'm writing another one shot. o.o This time, the pokemon dies out of..let's say..I did forgiveness...LOVE. :3 A Happy ending...meh. Nothing's perfect in this gray gray world we live in. Ooh and I agree with you. Main characters dying are so much fun, don't you think? XP |
Quote:
*likes demented twisted stuff of complete agony, which certainly pollutes and corrupts his own mind but meh* And we all know that the best status within PC is the almighty "member status." If I can resign my current mod job to give it to someone who can take the role (and if the higher mods allow), then I would do so RIGHT AWAY. Who wants to be the one to do the heavy load of work? Not to mention, the only gains of a mod is the extra PM box, and the wonderful off topic-ness within the PC Mod Lounge. Other than that, very pointless and is nothing but complete suffering. Taking words from another staff: "We are mods because we know that someone needs to do the dirty work. That might as well be us." |
Hey guys :)
Just wondering if any of you checked out the fanfic I put up earlier today, entitled "Hidden Rage". I've got about 20 chapters written already, but didnt want to put them all up at once. Anyway's feel free to comment or even critique :) |
Aww I have a feeling you're sounding modest. o.o
Mmm the love isn't about humans...it's about the relationship between pokemon and master...Kay I'll shut up now...*shuts up* No, I meant YOU being a FANFIC mod, just a little inquiry of my foolish erotic young mind, forgive me. o.o; Hey I'm chugging down a liter of coke and pringles right now...you can't blame the hyperness. Mmm I know what a mod is like, and well, yeeaaaah. (so off topic) Anywayz, that's all for now. Just trying to type away my one shot. @[email protected] |
I only have time to read one fanfic a day, yet fanfics are now popping up everywhere... this is just wrong ;_;
@ So Close Yet so Far Away -yay another Saharushipping ^_^ another rare pairing for a fanfic -grammar mistakes, but punctuation mistakes seem to be the most often so keep an eye out for that -for me, the main problem is the narrator's style. Even if it's a 3rd person view for the narrator, the narrator should still stay within/around someone. For this chapter, seems like it's sticking with May (eww that name is so gross!) so for the readers to know what Ash is feeling is really something that shouldn't happen... not only does it kill suspense in terms of who Ash will possibly choose, but it's just a really weak way of description... -length problem, but this isn't really much of a problem as long as you try to spend another day or two for this story. Just give it more time to develop more length. The story certainly didn't feel like 1000 words, or maybe if it is, then it just means that that was not very good of a spot to cut off for another chapter. -small thing about diction: May sounds overly firm and confident in terms of tone when she's talking to Combusken, but as you write and more importantly, read more, this will slowly fix and correct itself -like stated by other viewers already, romance fanfics stress very little on setting and heavily on emotions and the character's emotions. Try to focus more length to support your own claims regarding feelings. Just try to keep that in mind, and this fanfic will be superb! This review should sound a little nicer than it is, but it's personally hard for me to give a good review after a terrible day |
Awww poor frost! =O *hugs*
Take it once a day then. Reviewing too much can't be easy. :/ Anywayz, if I'm thinking of doing another POV like my other one, except a bit different...Would love be a good subject to focus on? Forgiveness came out like pure irony, and well, I was wondering. Oi. *asks such stupid questions o.o* |
The legend of Erick's next chapter will be up soon. And I have a question...are there any finished original trainer fan fics here? Just wandering.
|
Well Ties of Love and Friendship is... kind of OT, but then it borrows plenty of manga characters so I guess that it doesn't count, and a better question to ask is: what are the finished fanfics here that aren't oneshots? XD
I can't refuse to read a fanfic that's to be praised by one of my favorite author, LilyPichu, and the only other reviewer who actually reviews stories here on PC, Mr. Cat Dog. ^_^ @ Rifts in Time -as mentioned, excellent symbolism throughout the story. I loved the emerald eye... It revealed so much in such a precise, short sentence. Shows how Michael (so far at least) is used to be in a joyful and peaceful family (as indicated by "Emerald" which is one of the Heart Chakra stones), yet if an eye is being compared to a stone that means that it's dead. Directly quoting from one of my sources (yes I'm geeky enough that I have 3 other websites open to help me read a fanfic o_o;), "When this Chakra is blocked we experience: Emotional problems in our relationships to other people." Note: not that I believe in certain colors really does have power over these kind of things, but these superstition beliefs are rooted in our writing culture, and the colors have grown to represent these qualities... just because I'm talking about it right now, that doesn't mean I do believe in all these superstitions -even more colors! Yay... I see that color is the "2nd narrator" for this story =) But now this one just tell me that I'm over analyzing, but brown got mentioned quite a few times about Michael. I believe that brown means home-comfort or some sort of welcome doesn't it? So... not sure if I'm suppose to call it irony, or just a misuse of colors, or I'm over analyzing at 1 o'clock at night -well ok seems like everything brown is ironic in its own way, seeing how the houses and the trees are brown yet all they do is cast more of his life in darkness... I see... nicely done =) -I personally recommend you to break up some of the longer paragraphs, especially when Michael talks to himself again. It just helps on readability. Also remember to use spell checks to pick up silly mistakes like spelling whether as wether. -A great job for a start of the usually boring type of fanfic. I'll look forward to seeing an update for it ^_^ (note: can you um... not update too quickly so I have time to read the other stuff, like Road of Palantria that I am behind by 3 chapters >>;) -Ok... sorry but perhaps it's late at night or this piece of writing is out of my level. I failed to comprehend too many things in it (not of your fault though) =/ I couldn't figure out the significance of the yellow door against the house, or the lively trees against the death-like school building... or the light being compared to grey which is definitely different (aka "look Frosty, this is IMPORTANT") yet I couldn't find that one either... so anyone want to explain to this poor old fool? @ Hidden Rage -a great way to start off an OT fanfic... yay we no longer have the mega cliched "let's go to meet Professor _____" ^_^ -now colors are not to be abused just because they're simple adjectives, because they really aren't. A mix of brown/green/white/black results in some highly contradictory personality regarding Jason (at least the Jason within the dream sequence.) -like mentioned already, the death of the 2 Pokemon can't just happen by coming out of a pokeball and ding they are dead. The other trainer is also highly awkward to watch the Pokemon die and then say some worthless things and take leave... -watch for the " ' " punctuation... there are plenty of times where you should be using one yet you missed it, while you misused it once somewhere too. There are other various grammar errors too, but then that's ok as none of us are even close to perfect. -the mysterious blue aura was... forgotton? Something of such great significance shouldn't be left unexplained, or forsaken like that -seeing just how Pokemon training is done is definitely original, hardly done anywhere else before -now the 2nd time when the word "aura" is used, it's not the right word to use... the word you're looking for should be something along "atmosphere" not "aura" so be sure to check the definition of a word first before you use it. However, it's always good to try to use more specific vocabularies like aura. Keep trying. -now the tone needs to be worked upon between Dr. Vorkov and Hakon. Sometimes it feels like Hakon is the one with more power, and then sometimes the other way around... -for a 3rd person narrative, don't use "you." Use "one." (ex: instead of "you could not be able to..." use "one could not be able to...") |
Quote:
Quote:
Also, the atmosphere here seems like a tennis match between Lily and frosty. Lily posts. frosty posts. Lily posts and so on and so forth. I'ts nice to see some sort of relationship forming... ;D |
Agree... sometimes you just want to shoot some of the authors who you've given advice to like many times, and then their writing's length actually gets shorter and shorter (yet at the same time, the least precise as ever too) >>; Meh. So want if all o'ya out there toss me flashy red blocks of reputations ^_^ *immunity*
Only... 10 minutes? Wow you're a fast reader... It ususally takes me 30 minute or so (but it can be much shorter if the story sucks XD Then just say "everything needs to be worked on, the end"). I usually just read the story once normally, then open up the fanfic lounge and reread the story, typing observations and stuffs that I picked up along the way. Long/good fanfics usually take longer as I'll need to refer to some of my other resources to find out what things mean because my memory isn't so great. Stories with various advanced writing skills take me even longer, as it takes time to figure out what's the significance and everything... As for me being a mod, it's just that... some stuff happens. And everyone knows that the best status to be is obviously, a normal member! |
It takes 10 minutes to just review. Depending on the length and the actual quality, that could be added on anything from 30 seconds to 20 minutes to read it thoroughly.
Quote:
|
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
frost, you would make an excellent mod here but if you don't want to. Yeah, that's about it now so avert your eyes from this horrible post and continue to whatever you were doing... ^_^ |
I'm just looking after the fanfic forum during Oni's absense because he's too busy with AC Homework and writing ^_^; And also I like to read fanfics too myself. Don't get the wrong idea...
@ Present -lack of description in all aspect, lack of length... these 2 "lack of"s are your greatest problem. I feel like a script-fic with punctuations. Some characters just appear for a few seconds then disappear, but then they feel worst than cameos because the lack of description is just so bad... you MUST focus on trying to fill in descriptions. Begin by talking about physical settings and what the characters look like. Forget transition and "description paragraph" for now. We'll first work on this basic element first, then move on to the other stuff to slowly improve this story. |
| All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:06 AM. |
![]()
© 2002 - 2018 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2016 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.
Acknowledgements
Use of PokéCommunity Assets
vB Optimise by DragonByte Technologies Ltd © 2023.