![]() |
Quote:
Beware though Lily (can I call you that?), following that tutorial will result in a negative 40 reputation in the end. XD |
XD lol. <Well, duh you can call me that, that's what everyone calls me anywayz. ^_^)
Hm, so you really give it? Can I say tomorrow, since I have an incredible amount of homework to be done in the dead of night? Don't blame me...I was lazy and procrastinated much today. OR if it can arranged through PM, then it would be much appreciated. Ooh thanks Frost! ^_~ And um, I don't care about those reputation points. All they do is make you look stylish. 8D |
I know I like it tomorrow better too. I procrasinated a bit as Frosty has once again failed the temptation of real life friends calling on the phone "hey want to play on the internet?" and here is Frosty having a physics test to study for, saying "SURE!" XD;; Ok let's study now >>;
I'll give it tomorrow and stick it in the FAQ section somewhere... and probably by late afternoon/evening it should be up, if homework isn't unusual in amount. |
I wrote a Poké-digi crossover fic called Power Revolutions.
I really would appreciate any criticism heres the URL http://pokepen.pokevillage.net/tpp.php?pokeball=fans/fanfics/cyberraichu/pr_ch1 |
I don't mind doing the tutorial. I've got hardly any homework and can get it up before frosty usually. But... yeah... I'll do it.
On another note - the fic overload is kinda getting out of control, I might have to go back to reviewing a couple every day instead of a load on certain days. Any more reviewers would be nice... although I'll probably end up reviewing them on top of the first one XD But I don't mind... after the gaming forums, I'm nearly always here. ^_^ |
If you guys are wondering, MCD's thread has been merged to the Basic Fanfic help thread that's stickied. I'm quite lazy today...
|
Just posted Chapter 6 of my fanfic, A Hero Emerges. Once again, size has forced me to split the chapter into two posts.
|
I guess it's high time. Chapter 9 of Pokemon Neo Destiny is complete. For those of you who haven't read it, give it a shot!!
I will forewarn you. It DOES include the characters from the Anime series. While that may seem to be a weakness, it is also a strength in this situation. The characters are teenagers now, and there is a new story. I will tell you right now that it is different from anything you've EVER seen in the series. Here's my little makeshift Ad for the Fan Fiction. Thousands of years ago, an evil Pokemon called Asmodia was sealed in the Hoenn Region. When the leader of Team Dark releases this creature, only one group stands between him and global destruction. Join Ash and his buddies as they seek out the Legendary Pokemon to stop this terrible threat. But, will the Legendary Pokemon be enough?? All I can say is, everything else was just practice... |
In case you haven't noticed, I have posted a new fic called And so it begins...
It is one of your average trainer fics and needs some constructive critiques! |
@ Ghostly Wings
-"6"... heh I wonder what that could mean? It can't be 6 different evolutions of a family... can it... -cliched name for a few of them... eeks. But I did like Sonority. The names also predicted the evolution right away, making a few paragraphs something that I just wanted to skim over and get over with. However, it's still a good attempt at foreshadowing. -the usage of "tumor" was the most terrible choice of wording ever in this fanfic... =/ Be watchful of diction, young lady. Tumor fits terribly to describe an emotion that plays such an important role in the story. -"brethen"'s connotation is once again, strongly against the connotation that you're looking for... Brethen is usually used to call someone in a fellow religious group, political group (especially communism) or the army. Family members are not brethens. -enlighten me on this one... I had no idea what's "Melos" possibly alluding to... -haha... just have to love the last 2 lines. Final Rating is... Grammar Basics: 9/10 Plot/Character Basics: 14/20 Tone/Diction: 12/20 Writing Skills: 14/20 Effort/Originality: 25/30 Lit. Device bonus: +4 (narrator's unreliability, foreshadow attempts) Total: 78 @ Dawn of a New Legacy -... coincidence or not? This setting reminds me... Dr.Fuji and Ai... -excellent choice for "pulse" in this chapter... loved it -watch for incomplete sentences... hope that you corrected this one yourself by now, as this is written awhile ago right? -oh I was looking forward to some more about Dorian... just sounded a bit incomplete with him suddenly gone, not confirmed if he's alive or dead. -overall, I think that diction is a lot better than Ghostly Wings... really I did. Final Rating is... Grammar Basics: 8/10 Plot/Character Basics: 16/20 Tone/Diction: 15/20 Writing Skills: 15/20 Effort/Originality: 24/30 Lit. Device bonus: +0 Total: 78 (It's a terribly high mark already, especially during this time of the year... so don't complain) @ So Close Yet so Far Apart (ch.2 and 3) -changing narrative for no reason will result in MAJOR chaos... how am I suppose to know who's "I" out of nowhere? -"said" "said" "said" "said" "said" "said" err... that's... how many times did this boring verb get used continously now? -romance fanfic should *always* focus heavily on character emotions... feel rather rushed in terms of this department for a romance fanfic (notice how at the end the ratings are scaled differently too because of this special trait that romance fanfic shares) -not sure if using "obnoxious" will be slightly OOC for May... but whatever, as the next paragraph really brings May back on track -ack... I... seriously disliked highly explicit and direct stuff for emotion/romance fics... =/ -lesser "-ly" adverbs the better, as they're quite annoying and shallow in both denotation and connotation -err... corny lines alert? " “I don’t know Ash. The things you read were really private!” Final Rating is... Grammar Basics: 7/10 Plot/Character Basics: 14/20 Tone/Diction: 15/25 Writing Skills: 15/25 Effort/Originality: 15/20 Lit. Device bonus: +1 (possible symbolism, but it'll take a few more chapters to develop to earn the "marks" for it, if they aren't ditched away) Total: 67 |
To the review of Ghostly WIngs:
Tumor is a bad choice of word? o.o;;; I'm sorry, I hadn't realized that. And thank you for clarifying "brethren" I wasn't totally sure of what it meant. <<;; As to Dawn of a New Legacy....to answer your question about Dorian..*winks* He plays a MAJOR role in the story, so fear not. His disappearance ties in with the plot. |
Well, I'd just like to say congrats to LilyPichu, out newest FF Mod, if you didn't realise. BTW, can either Niko or Lileh resticky the guide that had it's name changed when Niko merged it? The rest of it (including my guide) is kinda important to n00bs.
Oh, and for those who've been wondering where I've been in accordance to FF, I've just had a busy weekend that's all. ^_^ W00T - 800th post! XD |
I'll try to change the name...XD
Edit: There. All done...XD |
Hi everyone.
First off, i'd just like to say, over the last week or so, i've gained a newfound respect for those of you who review fics. Frostweaver and Mr Cat Dog, i'm looking at you. (I apologize if I missed any other critics, i'm still sorta new here.) Anyways, i've taken it upon myself to do some reviews of my own, for the Pokemon Fanfics that come up on the IGN boards. [url removed - see Rule #1. Though this thread will not be closed] This is where they've started. Anyway, after experiencing firsthand the time and devotion that this kind of thing requires, well lets just say I appreciate you guys all that much more. Thank you for your time and effort. |
I wrote a one-shot called Valentine's Day. If anyone could be kind enough to read it, please? XD
|
Quote:
But... yeah - thanks for the positive comments, and we'll keep reviewing if the people here keep writing. ^_^ |
Quote:
But yeah, I'm here to review (no duh) although length can put me off a fic if it isn't first-class excelent. I have the attention span of a half-dead flea. <<; |
It's just I've seen some of the reviews you've given on SPPf, and they were pretty long XD So... I figured you'd do some pretty long ones here as well. ^_^ *hands Obsidian a head pump for her ego*
|
is this a club or something? wat do i post bout
|
Well... I suppose you could call this the FanFic Club, since it is kinda like one with the discussions we've been having. The main point of discussion is for people to advertise and review fics here. Occasionally, it does become like DCC in a way, but it's hasn't been like that for a couple of weeks now. ^_^
|
*brings the lounge off topic immediately* Ok... Lily and MCD.. the two of you got engaged and nobody informed me? O.o;; Some brother you treat me as, Lily >>; *upset* Haven't been here so long now... so much to catch up >>; Rifts in Time, Reflection and all these new fanfics... so busy too... *panics* I'll find time to catch up with what's happening in fanfic lately soo enough though.
And what's better but a terribly terrifying review in a terribly ticked off mood because of a special engagement yet no one informed me... *thunders in background* @ Obsidian Dream -excellent title! Great usage of symbolism, and foreshadowing about the entire story's basic plot, and where the story is about to head to... great usage of diction. *nods* -the guidelines and prologue-like message is more of a killjoy and a lights up... >>; Best if that didnt' exist at all. Let the readers find out themselves. -watch those commas and periods... your most fatal grammatical mistake. Also there are many evidents that this fanfic is not checked with spellcheck *everyone gasps,* and that's just not something you should do... always use spellcheck to check for those "teh"s -gotta love a professor who isn't that stereotypical friendly old hag who does nothing but gives out starter Pokemon... rebellious main characters for a rebellious fanfic that's acting against the nature of "professors" -the usage of the quote is unique (personally, I don't have anything against it,) but still remember to do paragraphs within flashbacks too... that part was a little hard to read. Try the "one new paragraph for every new speaker" rule to help with the readability. -I... seriously got majorly confused by this... the part where Oak and Leon talk of "cliche" and Team Rocket's plan... if Leon took parts in putting a halt in TR's plan in the past, then certainly Leon will also know about what Oak means by "cliche." Or perhaps Leon is asking what is the defintion of a cliche, but then he used that word himself earlier... so this one is... result of careless planning, or lack of reading over your own work? -now seeing the ch.4 title, I certainly think that if the chapter title doesn't pack much significant importance to the story (or if it doesn't do anything special, such as foreshadowing, symbolism and so on), then I recommand you to just wipe out the chapter titles... "jumping the gun" doesn't really describe ch.3 that well at all except for physically, having a gun involved. Long titles are always annoying (ch.4)... -how did Kelsey let Leon+Oak escape like that is completely a mystery, almost to the point of a plot flaw... unless the description about Kelsey's intelligence and how she's cunning is a complete lie (which means that the narrator is just useless... 3rd person narrator is always neutral and should always be correct at all details.) -"Moltres rampage" isn't corny (as no ideas can ever be corny,) but when it's mentioned in this context, it's terribly corny and just makes the readers go "err..." A good way to fix these kind of things is to give them an official professional "cool" looking label/name for the event, such as "The Moltres Rampage" instead of a "Moltres rampage." Just make something sound official, and the corny rating will really drop... keep that in mind. But once you started something official, be sure to back it up eventually with great explanations and details, because anything official is also immediately important, and your readers will demand any details they can get their eyes on when official looking matter is the business at hand. -how did Pro.Oak get tied up, while Leon "is free" sounds like another almost plot flaw error... they did escape together, didn't they? So, that's very awkward again... -the title started off great in terms of diction, but then really all sense of diction kinda died off eventually... quite a shame really. Grammar Basics: 6/10 Plot/Character Basics: 13/20 Tone/Diction: 13/20 Writing Skills: 13/20 Effort/Originality: 24/30 Lit. Device bonus: +5 (the excellent title, for reasons listed already) Total: 74 (already, in a good range for a Frosty review) @ Valentine's Day <no review available, because I beta-read it already> Total: OMIT @ Pokemon Academy -title is a bit cliched, as I'm pretty sure that I've seen 2 other fanfic with this title already (one of them being a fanfic on how to write a fanfic and it was really neat... the other is a schoolfic just like this one) -font size should be the regular boring yet highly readable size 2 font... small font size does decrease your reader's interest in reading. Why read something that's red, and hard to read? o.o; -ok I'm never thrilled about "inactive descriptions" myself... It's nice that we see how the characters look like physically, but I hate how I get descriptions just thrown at me, without the characters (or anyone) doing anything. -as mentioned by the others already, there's a great deal of transition problem. Your 4th paragraph demonstrates this property. I tripled read that paragraph, and can hardly find conjunctions or transitional phrase to link things from one to another. -"I saw this door is open so I decided to come and visit." Corny alert? -the "(even the reader)" aside was rather weak and make the story worst than before... save asides for script-fics and dramas. Fictional narrative and asides do not match. -"... to let me come here!" Notice the exclaimation... this is a terrible diction as it changes the tone of the sentence to suddenly add a bit of excitement into the sentence. So, what's so exciting about talking about something that's upsetting to talk about? (as, the aside-attempt and the sigh tell me that this is supposed to be a painful memory). Gotta be careful about diction like this, as that tiny exclaimation mark just made Josh either completely insane due to some catastrophe, or a moron without a brain. -let's just call character description "non-existant" for this fanfic... physical description? yes... anything else? no... or it's as good as a no, as it contradicts itself anyway. Any implicit description then? Um... everyone is monotone and everyone has the "Everyone is nice in the exact same way, just like the Pokemon Jhoto season anime" syndrome? -grimer is attacking because...? (lack of transition, not that wild Pokemon attacking trainers is corny but the way it's described here...) Grammar Basics: 7/10 Plot/Character Basics: 10/20 Tone/Diction: 8/20 <= needs heavy work Writing Skills: 7/20 <= focus on transitions Effort/Originality: 22/30 Lit. Device bonus: +2 (aside-attempt) Total: 56 (harsh isn't it? Well, guess what, the minute you started reading a Frosty fanfic review... "Welcome to HE11") |
Erm... surprise!!! XD Anyways - welcome back for however long you're going to be back for, frosty. Better inform Lily of the news... *runs off to tell Lily* Is this arrangement going to be permanent, or is it just a flying visit?
|
Oh... if I was actually on MSN the last few nights, Lily could have told me or something I guess... ^^; But then yesterday was away at 22sa's birthday party, and the day before I was just busy. Today too... with homework and stuff >>; So I'm afraid that this will be yet *another* night without MSN chat with all of you ;_; So yes tell Lily for me I suppose?
And most likely, I should be here for a while if things keep up like this, and if "stuff" don't come looking for me. @ Quest of the Calibra Princess -first fanfic I understand, but that doesn't stop Frosty from being equally mean and nasty -1st paragraph is um... a big list of lacking transition? Try to link ideas to one another with transitional phrases and words. Also, I personally find it much better if you add in some "actions" (the actions don't have to be gigantic like war or whatever, but even a simple verb that isn't "is" or "has" or "wear" is good enough, such as Eevee skipping around her or something) along with your physical character descriptions. It's always boring to read an endless list of description. -Now needless repetition of sentence structure can also be boring... the 1st paragraph contains a lot of "she is ______" or "her Eevee is ________." Try to use different sentence structure to make things less repetitive. -watch for grammar, but I don't find this to be a major problem yet -length... recommanded that a long epic-like fanfic should have around 1000 words for the first chapter (prologues can be much shorter though.) It's really a bummer when your reader just started to pick up the story in his or her reading mood, and the chapter ends already. -what's with the switch in tenses suddenly...? Be careful about tenses... (yes it's annoying as I always slip on this one myself) -now you can always describe mysterious figures... there are many ways to describe a person without giving out their identity. -try to have a new paragraph every time there's a new speaker, to help with readability. Grammar Basics: 8/10 Plot/Character Basics: OMIT/20 (too short to tell) Tone/Diction: OMIT/20 (again, too short to tell) Writing Skills: 7/20 <= focus on transitions, and usage of different sentence structures Effort/Originality: 23/30 Lit. Device bonus: -2 (heavy length problem) Total: 36/60, => 60/100 |
frostweaver... umm, you haven't done one of these for The Quest for the Legends, have you?
|
Quote:
*goes back to work on his projects* |
| All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:07 AM. |
![]()
© 2002 - 2018 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2016 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.
Acknowledgements
Use of PokéCommunity Assets
vB Optimise by DragonByte Technologies Ltd © 2023.