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oni flygon May 8th, 2005 11:15 AM

Laziness + Writer's Block = horror

Need I say more? XD

Breezy May 8th, 2005 11:20 AM

That'd be true. XP It also sucks when you get out of it and then go back into another hiatus. -.-;

Casual Billy May 8th, 2005 12:38 PM

Hey Annie Wonucares! The fic in my sig is being dis-continued. I'm just gonna wait until I start my new fic and bring it here. Seeya and stay tuned for that fic, Annie!

Strawberry Delcatty May 8th, 2005 1:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oni flygon
*sigh*

Aye... three amateurs in a row... what has this world come to? v.v;;

If more people are going to make these fanfics not worth reading, I'll have to close a bunch of them sooner or later... ><

It would be better if you close down all the bad fics and leave a link to the FAQ along with some suggestions to improve.

Of course, that's just my suggestion.

Breezy May 8th, 2005 2:21 PM

If you keep it open though, their next post might have some improvements. Kinda like a second chance.

Strawberry Delcatty May 8th, 2005 2:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
If you keep it open though, their next post might have some improvements. Kinda like a second chance.

Yeah, but you need to be careful WHO to give second chances to.

Breezy May 8th, 2005 2:41 PM

For example lol? Like people who have attitude or what?

Strawberry Delcatty May 8th, 2005 2:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
For example lol? Like people who have attitude or what?

Never mind. Forget I said anything.

Hey, Breezy, would you mind reviewing Hoenn Mirror World?

Lily May 8th, 2005 3:18 PM

I'm freaking out because I'm afraid JA won't like my chapter. ;_; Co authored is hard...I, primarily, made one female OC character I was planning to use, but since JA is making one also..er....does it matter?

Breezy May 8th, 2005 6:53 PM

I remember co-authoring a fic. Whatever happened to it? *think* ...I think it was his turn to write and he never did. :P

I don't think it really matters if you two both made OC girl trainers as long as they aren't exactly alike. o_O

Avegaille May 9th, 2005 1:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
My choice over there is either let my thread die or let my insane fans spam the hell outta my fic. oO; 'Course that's me heh.

I can't even find half my fics I posted here. XP

Hmmm..... a lot of them in sppf, probably..... *whistles innocently*

What? I couldn't resist..... it's in one of my subscribed threads.... -_-;;;;

And uh..... not many people review my fic in any of the forums though..

Breezy May 9th, 2005 6:06 PM

Lol bunny. =P Thanks for bumping my thread though lol. One of my other fans got mad at you for doing that though.

I think it's cuz you already have a lotta posts from Jane and such and people don't like reading hot threads if they haven't before.

Avegaille May 10th, 2005 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Lol bunny. =P Thanks for bumping my thread though lol. One of my other fans got mad at you for doing that though.

I think it's cuz you already have a lotta posts from Jane and such and people don't like reading hot threads if they haven't before.

Huh? What? Oh, you mean Jane and me... i started the beating subscribed threads with her by being the last poster in the subscribed htreads we have...

And what about hot threads? I don't get you.....

And yeah, i knwo one of your fans is mad at me, but who cares, we're not really spaming, as in the one with double, triple, quadruple posts....

But anyway, fanfic ideas? I'm trying to do drafts for my fanfic so that I wont' get writer's block at least! lol

Geometric-sama May 10th, 2005 3:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverBlaze09
Obviously because I didn't read them.

Hmm, y'know, I guess it never registered that you were an author, JA.

But, I guess it has just now... SB

Author? Author I am, I guess... well, I'll repost them on SPPF later~

Lily, they're your OCs! You can do what you want with them ^^; I'll just turn them into horrible murderers ^______^ who hit people with rocks XD

blueguy May 10th, 2005 4:11 PM

Anybody willing to read and review my fic? It's 'Soul Awakening' which despite ze sticky hasn't got any attention lately. :\ The third chapter's gone unnoticed for a week! *nooooooo!*

Aiya Quackform May 11th, 2005 4:33 PM

Review of Chapter 1 of Hoenn Mirror World

Oh, man, Nekomajo, I am so sorry for how long this has taken! I haven't even read it all yet! But, here's some overall opinions on chapter 1 of Hoenn Mirror World.

I love the originality! Originality scores big with me, since it's so rare nowadays. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. Overall, so far the story's good. It's just your writing technique that needs help.

Your major flaw is wordiness. Because you're used to writing in script
format, I'm sure the reason is simply inexperience. It is obvious that you're familiar witht the mantra "show, don't tell." Your problem is that you don't know where to show and where to tell. You show us her showering and dressing. Why would we want to read a paragraph about that? In this case, tell us in a quick and painless sentence--if you need to tell us at all!

The first four pages are so old and have been done literally thousands of
times before. That, with or without you interest-piquing prelude, would
have made me stop reading your fic if I hadn't been asked.

Get to the point.

Heck, you could basically delete everything up to "Mariah was in her room
to gather her belongings . . ."! Even then much of what you have after
this could be deleted or summed up and it would all flow much better into
the action.

You also do this a lot:
"________ said to his/her ________"
and
"________ said/called/yelled/shrieked in _____."

Don't! Do not be afraid to write "said." Less is more! You really
should be able to understand the tone of the character's voice by their
words, not by what you say their tone is. You could throw in "yelled," "asked" or "shrieked" instead of "said" on occasion, but don't go overboard.

When Mariah meets her mirror image, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her character, and I think you didn't do as much as you could have. Both of them accept it all so quickly. It's a bit odd in my opinion. Sure you say Mariah is astounded, but she doesn't act like it. So far there's little to no fear or uncertainty. And Mirror Mariah seems to be nothing more than a guiding voice, not a character.

In the Treecko/Poochyena battle, why didn't Poochyena get out of the way of the plummeting Treecko? I'd think they'd do that on instinct alone.

There's a lot of tense switching. You've really got to watch that. I'd suggest that you find a regular beta reader to help you out.

Stop with the "once," when," and "then's." (Yes, that's apostraphe S. I looked it up this morning.) They stop flow and distract, excpecially in action scenes when you're trying to show speed of movement and action. Also stop with the "very's" and "extremely's." You don't need them when you use strong words. For instance, instead of writing "very angry," go with "enraged."

But I really will read more of this, once I got to the action I got interested. (I've just got a really long reading list.) Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your writing progress!

(I don't give scores.)

Aiya Quackform May 11th, 2005 4:34 PM

Review of Chapter 1 of Hoenn Mirror World

Oh, man, Nekomajo, I am so sorry how long this has taken! I haven't even read it all yet! But, here's some overall opinions on chapter 1 one of Hoenn Mirror World.

I love the originality! Originality scores big with me, since it's so rare nowadays. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. Overall, so far the story's good. It's just your writing techniques that need help.

Your major flaw is wordiness. Because you're used to writing in script

format, I'm sure the reason is simply inexperience.

It is obvious that you're familiar witht the mantra "show, don't tell."

Your problem is that you don't know where to show and where to tell. You

show us her showering and dressing. Why would we want to read a paragraph

about that? In this case, tell us in a quick and painless

sentence--if you need to tell us at all!

The first four pages are so old and have been done literally thousands of

times before. That, with or without you interest-piquing prelude, would

have made me stop reading your fic if I hadn't been asked.

Get to the point.

Heck, you could basically delete everything up to "Mariah was in her room

to gather her belongings . . ."! Even then much of what you have after

this could be deleted or summed up and it would all flow much better into

the action.

You also do this a lot:
"________ said to his/her ________"
and
"________ said/called/yelled/shrieked in _____."

Don't! Do not be afraid to write "said." Less is more! You really

should be able to understand the tone of the character's voice by their

words, not by what you say their tone is. You could throw in "yelled," "asked" or "shrieked" instead of "said" on occasion, but don't go overboard.

When Mariah meets her mirror image, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her character, and I think you didn't do as much as you could have. Both of them accept it all so quickly. It's a bit odd in my opinion. Sure you say Mariah is astounded, but she doesn't act like it. So far there's little to no fear or uncertainty. And Mirror Mariah seems to be nothing more than a guiding voice, not a character.

In the Treecko/Poochyena battle, why didn't Poochyena get out of the way of the plummeting Treecko? I'd think they'd do that on instinct alone.

There's a lot of tense switching. You've really got to watch that. I'd suggest that you find a regular beta reader to help you out.

Stop with the "once," when," and "then's." (Yes, that's apostraphe S. I looked it up this morning.) They stop flow and distract, excpecially in action scenes when you're trying to show speed of movement and action. Also stop with the "very's" and "extremely's." You don't need them when you use strong words. For instance, instead of writing "very angry," go with "enraged."

But I really will read more of this, once I got to the action I got interested. (I've just got a really long reading list.) Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your writing progress!

(I don't give scores.)

Strawberry Delcatty May 11th, 2005 5:37 PM

Uh... just to point it out, you've double posted. :P
Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
Oh, man, Nekomajo, I am so sorry for how long this has taken! I haven't even read it all yet!

It's okay. I was getting kind of worried though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
I love the originality! Originality scores big with me, since it's so rare nowadays. I haven't seen anything else quite like it. Overall, so far the story's good.

That always appears to be one of my strongest points.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
Your major flaw is wordiness. Because you're used to writing in script format, I'm sure the reason is simply inexperience. It is obvious that you're familiar with the mantra "show, don't tell." Your problem is that you don't know where to show and where to tell. You show us her showering and dressing. Why would we want to read a paragraph about that? In this case, tell us in a quick and painless sentence--if you need to tell us at all!

I was trying to fix my description problem. The main complaint is that I don't have enough description, so I try to describe whenever I could.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
The first four pages are so old and have been done literally thousands of times before. That, with or without you interest-piquing prelude, would have made me stop reading your fic if I hadn't been asked.

Get to the point.

Heck, you could basically delete everything up to "Mariah was in her room
to gather her belongings . . ."! Even then much of what you have after
this could be deleted or summed up and it would all flow much better into
the action.

Well, the "waking up" happens a LOT in magical girl anime. :\
Also, how would I explain how Mariah got her first Pokemon if I deleted everything up to that point?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
You also do this a lot:
"________ said to his/her ________"
and
"________ said/called/yelled/shrieked in _____."

Don't! Do not be afraid to write "said." Less is more! You really
should be able to understand the tone of the character's voice by their
words, not by what you say their tone is. You could throw in "yelled," "asked" or "shrieked" instead of "said" on occasion, but don't go overboard.

I'm always been told that the word "said" should be avoided at all costs. Even the FAQ said so:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Basic Pokemon Writing FAQ
Don’t use “said” without adverbs. “Said” is the most boring verb in any Fanfiction. Use adverbs to help out, or use alternative words like commented, asked, exclaimed and so on.

I've read that FAQ over a hundred times, but I still can't seem to handle tone...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
When Mariah meets her mirror image, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her character, and I think you didn't do as much as you could have. Both of them accept it all so quickly. It's a bit odd in my opinion. Sure you say Mariah is astounded, but she doesn't act like it. So far there's little to no fear or uncertainty. And Mirror Mariah seems to be nothing more than a guiding voice, not a character.

Accept it so quickly? I thought I totally avoided that. A reviewer said that I had Mariah acting rather unrealistically in the scripted version, so I thought I avoided that problem in the revision.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
In the Treecko/Poochyena battle, why didn't Poochyena get out of the way of the plummeting Treecko? I'd think they'd do that on instinct alone.

That never came to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
There's a lot of tense switching. You've really got to watch that. I'd suggest that you find a regular beta reader to help you out.

Tense switching? I thought that problem was taken care of as well...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
Stop with the "once," when," and "then's." (Yes, that's apostraphe S. I looked it up this morning.) They stop flow and distract, excpecially in action scenes when you're trying to show speed of movement and action. Also stop with the "very's" and "extremely's." You don't need them when you use strong words. For instance, instead of writing "very angry," go with "enraged."

I never saw that as a problem, but if you say so...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
But I really will read more of this, once I got to the action I got interested. (I've just got a really long reading list.) Keep it up, I look forward to seeing your writing progress!

Thanks. I'm REALLY hoping that the revision would be enough to put the scripted version to shame, but I seem to have a long way to go...

Yamato-san May 11th, 2005 11:47 PM

I'm the one who told you Mariah's reaction was too unrealistic in that scene. However, I didn't intend for you to try avoiding it all together. I just think you should just improve on the scene that's there so, you know, the reaction CAN be more realistic. And just why are you trying to put your script to shame? I've said it a million times before, but I find script, no matter how good or bad the story is, several times more convenient and plain easy to read (as well as write in my case) than narrative (because I like direct dialogue rather than reading paragraphs worth of symbolism to describe just one scene). Now, I find it odd that I'm supposedly the only one who can do that correctly, but your scripting I found was still halfway decent and simple to read and understand nontheless. Your scripting's really not that much of a problem, it's your word usage as well as the way your execute the story itself. So I'll ask again, what do you have against the script format that you're so hellbent on putting it to shame?

Anyway, I said this on my thread, but I'll say it in this thread so more people can see it.....

To all readers,

Recently, I've been thinking of making a few tweaks to the storyline that I very recently thought up, however, I don't know if I'm going in the right direction with them or not. Of course, I can't post my ideas here at risk of spoiling, so I'm making this offer. This Sunday (5/14/05) at noon, American Pacific time (GMT -8:00), meet me on an AIM chat room that I will title "orochi" (I like snakes, so sue me). It is here that I'll discuss my plans and you can give me your opinions there. Just remember, you come at your own risk of having major spoilers brought upon you. Also, do not consider plagiarizing whatever I haven't posted yet, for there are bound to be people against plagiarizing in the chat room that can back me up if you try to pull anything like that. I hope to see some of you there.

-ヤマトさん

Flatulus May 12th, 2005 1:30 AM

... I'm sorry to everyone who likes my fic but I've been so distracted lately and have been too late on my updates. I blame it on the lack of motivation of those who read my fic...

Lucky for those who read it I could never actually give up writing it, and have added chapter 9... Bad new is that I haven't fixed up a certain lack of details of a certain event in chapter one, and those people who are correcting grammer mistakes and stuff only have reached chapter three.

Strawberry Delcatty May 12th, 2005 5:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yamato-san
I'm the one who told you Mariah's reaction was too unrealistic in that scene. However, I didn't intend for you to try avoiding it all together. I just think you should just improve on the scene that's there so, you know, the reaction CAN be more realistic. And just why are you trying to put your script to shame? I've said it a million times before, but I find script, no matter how good or bad the story is, several times more convenient and plain easy to read (as well as write in my case) than narrative (because I like direct dialogue rather than reading paragraphs worth of symbolism to describe just one scene). Now, I find it odd that I'm supposedly the only one who can do that correctly, but your scripting I found was still halfway decent and simple to read and understand nontheless. Your scripting's really not that much of a problem, it's your word usage as well as the way your execute the story itself. So I'll ask again, what do you have against the script format that you're so hellbent on putting it to shame?

You said it yourself: you're the only one who can write a script properly. Even though mine is second-best to yours (according to the majority here), I really felt that I'm better off writing narratives.

Simply put, I've realized that I'm not cut out for writing scripts.

Shuko May 12th, 2005 6:51 PM

Hrm... I've posted my first story here on PC... I hope you guys can find time to read it and tell me whether it sucks or not. :) I've never tried my hand at writing Poke-fiction before, so I don't know how good it'll be...

The Power to Shine

White_Winter_Wolf May 12th, 2005 7:23 PM

I just posted a fic too. I'm not sure how good it is, but its the best one I've made yet!

If I Could Change the World.

Breezy May 12th, 2005 7:39 PM

I WROTE THE BORINGEST FIC EVAH CALLED "The Pokémon Detective" (along with a cliche title of course ;) ). It's alrighty I suppose, but the first case is absolutely boring. *sigh*

Lady Demoonica Darkmoon May 12th, 2005 8:22 PM

I think the length of my story frightened people away. LOL.


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