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Casual Billy May 27th, 2005 3:10 AM

I have now quadrooplemega posted on my fic. I'm gonna keep writing it no matter what but it would be nice for someone to actually read it...Come on! School's at least almost out, you've prolly got a little extra time. Why not?

Strawberry Delcatty May 27th, 2005 3:37 PM

Is it me, or is the forum acting weird?

http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=38879
Anyway, chapter 1 of Deepest Wishes is up.

Avegaille May 27th, 2005 6:30 PM

Yeah I tihink so too....

I might be posting my next chapter by next week, so meh....

Breezy May 28th, 2005 10:01 PM

Your worse concrit is yourself. :) For me anyways. I'm never happy with my work. Of course, you should feel confident about it too.

Avegaille May 28th, 2005 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Your worse concrit is yourself. :) For me anyways. I'm never happy with my work. Of course, you should feel confident about it too.

.......Good advice.... will be useful for fan fic writting and also school work...

You should put mroe quotes here Breezy! XP

Strawberry Delcatty May 29th, 2005 12:30 PM

I review on my fic has me thinking quite a bit:

Quote:

Just as a heads-up, it's against the copyright law to use someone else's names like that. It's also extremely unoriginal. You can't come up with your own names?
Quote:

You really shouldn't be taking things from other places like this... you don't have a disclaimer for it, and it simply lacks creativity.
Quote:

Hn, I don't think that spinoffs of sorts really drain from the plot, but it absolutely doesn't add to it (which was more, I think, the direction I was leaning with my comment).
It's not that I'm mad at the reviewer (ActOnThat). As a matter of fact, I think she has a valid point. While Lyoko (actually, three of her Pokemon) stood out in my "Code: Lyoko" spinoff in HMW, I started to realize that I just threw in Heather (and two other main characters who were going to appearing in "Deepest Wishes") and her Pokemon for almost no reason at all. Right now, I'm trying to figure out her to make Heather and the other main characters not so pointless.

Also, for those who never read HMW either here or at Pokemon Elite 2000, I'll make a little guide explaining more or less the basics of the Hoenn Mirror World.

oni flygon May 29th, 2005 10:14 PM

Are we talking about critics now? >>

Anyways, ActOnThat, U2 Rules! X3 *points at own avatar* That's from the ZOOTV tour...<<;;

Avegaille May 29th, 2005 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niko
Are we talking about critics now? >>

Anyways, ActOnThat, U2 Rules! X3 *points at own avatar* That's from the ZOOTV tour...<<;;

Yeah, let's talk about fan fic critics!

Hmm... how can you tell when a fan fic critic is going too far?

Aiya Quackform May 29th, 2005 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avegaille Spellman
Yeah, let's talk about fan fic critics!

Hmm... how can you tell when a fan fic critic is going too far?

When they force their own personal opinions on your story, or attack the specific genre without reason.

Avegaille May 29th, 2005 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aiya Quackform
When they force their own personal opinions on your story, or attack the specific genre without reason.

That's one thing I'll try to remember....

Anyone else would care to reply to the topic?

Anyways, while I'm at it, I need inspiration..... any ideas? Any kind will do...

Breezy May 29th, 2005 11:02 PM

You want to talk about critics? o0; They're meanies! XP J/k. As long as they dont personally attack you, shove their opinions in your face and basically what Aiya Quackform said, then that's going too far.

Inspiration? I listen to Switchfoot. :P Or music period really.

Avegaille May 29th, 2005 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
You want to talk about critics? o0; They're meanies! XP J/k. As long as they dont personally attack you, shove their opinions in your face and basically what Aiya Quackform said, then that's going too far.

Inspiration? I listen to Switchfoot. :P Or music period really.

What is Switchfoot? o.0;;;;

And yes, I wanna talk about critics because sometimes they're annoying....

And how do they shove opinions into our faces anyways?

And i'm already listening to music and still no inspiration... maybe tv shows perhaps?

Breezy May 29th, 2005 11:10 PM

Switchfoot be a band lol. They pwn all. Even U2. :P Just kidding! >>

But yeah. Let's pretend that I'm a critic and I'm commenting about a story that has a religious symbol in it and I could say that I don't like that symbol because I'm Catholic and not Christian and we have that different from this and all that fun stuff. Something like that. Sometimes less or more extreme, depending on what they say.

Or they could just say that they're right and their word is law. *shrug*

Avegaille May 29th, 2005 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Switchfoot be a band lol. They pwn all. Even U2. :P Just kidding! >>

But yeah. Let's pretend that I'm a critic and I'm commenting about a story that has a religious symbol in it and I could say that I don't like that symbol because I'm Catholic and not Christian and we have that different from this and all that fun stuff. Something like that. Sometimes less or more extreme, depending on what they say.

Or they could just say that they're right and their word is law. *shrug*

I have never heard of Switchfoot here in the philippines! Whhaa! XP

Anyways... you a critic? I can't imagine you being one... j/k

And what is the diffrence between a Catholic and A Christian? You're confusing me Breezy....

And also... now I finally get what you mean about the symbol thing...

So how about critics commenting on cultural stuff in Pokemon Fan fic, such as names?

Frostweaver May 29th, 2005 11:18 PM

Note: just trying to explain something vital... explaining, not *arguing* so don't bother to argue if you disagree with me in terms of how the world should work, or if a "God" exist. Preferably that if further questions arise in this topic, I'll much rather prefer it on PM before mods come by and close this forum due to "illegal topics" being mentioned.

Correction: A catholic IS a christian... If you're catholic, you're definitely a christian, but if you're a christian you aren't necessarily catholic. I think I must clarify that immediately before we shift back to fanfic talk.

More further notes: Christian is "defined" as...

-believe in the existance of the Trinity- God the father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The Trinity exist as one God, and all three are the same and only God. (if you must imagine this in a human sense: think water at its triple point in physics)

-believe that God is all powerful and almighty, above all else

-believe that Jesus the son as come down on earth, fully man and fully God, died on the cross for our sins, and through his sacrifice, our sins are atoned for

-believe that the Holy Spirit dwell within the heart, and is what God has given us after his death on the cross in order to be with us forever and always

Any "religion" that qualifies these basic beliefs are part of Christianity. Now catholic is a denomination of christianity, meaning that it is under the classification of Christianity. It's like how a square is also a rectangle, but a rectangle is not necessarily a square. Same for Christians and Catholics here.

Catholics are different from other denominations in the sense that they have more books in the bible than the other denominations. Catholics believe that Virgin Mary is more than a mere mortal mother who gave birth to Jesus, and is more than a woman conceived by the Holy Spirit. They also believe that grace from God do not justify humans to be saved, but you also have to do good works.

Other christian denominations will not share all of these catholic beliefs, but definitely possible in terms of sharing "some" of the beliefs.

[end religious talk here]


A bad critic is ones that say...

"GGGGGRRREEEEAATTTT Story I can't wait for more" <= mindless praises

"I don't like this story. I don't find it interesting." <= mindless criticism

"The plot is really boring it didn't really catch my interests, but generally ok. 8/10" <= marks plot and not the story, making the number meaninglessly stupid

And critics who blasts you apart without saying what's wrong in detail (ex: "look at all those grammar mistakes I can't read this junk!" without listing a few examples of what those grammar mistakes are) or suggestion for improvements... those are irritating too.

Avegaille May 29th, 2005 11:24 PM

Okay, now I finally get the difference between a Christian and a Catholic...

And I have seen a lot of newb reviews, I rather comment on fan fics than review them... I dont know what is the difference between the two... I'm quite weird....

But anyways, what is Breezy posting? *Looks*

Breezy May 29th, 2005 11:25 PM

^^ What he said about the Catholic - Christian thing.

You just named all the "green" forum reviewers frosty. XD

Avegaille May 29th, 2005 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
^^ What he said about the Catholic - Christian thing.

You just named all the "green" forum reviewers frosty. XD

Heke? What's that suppose to mean Breezy? I dont get the "green" part.... -_-;;;

Breezy May 29th, 2005 11:35 PM

Isn't heke from Hamtaro? Good times with that show... Started off my writing career. :) I made up a hamster. His name was... eh, I can't even remember. *shrugs it off*

The "green" forum is now a variety of colors. Mine is purple. Sometimes blue. Every now and then it's black. You know... >>; We do not speak of its name here.

Avegaille May 30th, 2005 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breezy
Isn't heke from Hamtaro? Good times with that show... Started off my writing career. :) I made up a hamster. His name was... eh, I can't even remember. *shrugs it off*

The "green" forum is now a variety of colors. Mine is purple. Sometimes blue. Every now and then it's black. You know... >>; We do not speak of its name here.

Yes, Heke is from Hamtaro.... I just played the game recently and I'm annoying my friends with it... the hekeing I mean....

Anyways... okay, I htink I get that part now...

Strawberry Delcatty May 30th, 2005 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
A bad critic is ones that say...

"GGGGGRRREEEEAATTTT Story I can't wait for more" <= mindless praises

Believe it or not, we were all guilty of this at one point.

I still am to some extent (I'm just WAY too easy to please), but I'm trying to kick that habit.

*Lyn* May 30th, 2005 12:20 PM

I just started a Fanfic called 'Mew's Aura' if anyone is interested in reading it.

<slight spoiler>
Mainly, it's about two trainers who just began their journey, and one is told about Mew, and something about it. Eventually, Mew makes a huge appearence and is then an important part of the story. (I mean, Mew's name is IN the title!!) After Mew shows up, it effects the two trainers greatly, and the most weirdest things happen to them.
</end spoiler>

Of course, while I'm writing, I'll end up getting great idea's, so hang in there if you do read it and think it is horrible.

Story can be found if you click here!

Thanks! I hope you do like it!

Frostweaver May 30th, 2005 3:38 PM

First of all Lyn, welcome to PC fanfiction section =P We love to brutalize and destroy your story into bits and pieces with nasty/harsh comments until you lose all sense of dignity as a writer, so better get use to that soon ^^

Now, in terms of writing a summary, it's best to keep it professional unless you're heading to comedy (and for comedy, it has its own sense of professionalism.) Don't use so much brackets, and don't treat your readers as fools (yes they DO realize that Mew is the title character and therefore must be important in the story.) Also, always try to make your summary less obvious if your fanfic is a OT. Try to hide that fact so it sounds like a good OT.


Now back to fanfic reviews...

@ Konnichiwa! by ActonThat

Quote:

She flipped the map over until the small N on the compass rose pointed away from her.
watch out for strange grammar/silly mistakes... such as the "rose" here. It's unnecessary so just take it out.

Quote:

he didn’t have to scan far down the list to find her hometown, quaint little Sunrise City.
Watch for grammatical mistakes. Here you'll want a dash after hometown, and just take out the adjectives and save them for another time. (it's possible to keep these adjectives in there, but then it makes your life in grammar so much tougher that you will save more time by just taking them out)

Quote:

It had some fancy name, the kind of name that slips a ten-year-old’s mind.
More grammar abnormalities here... the comma is definitely wrong, and I *think* that a semicolon should go in there. It's either dash or colon and i'll place my bets on the semicolon...

-"uppity" is an informal word (as technically it's not even a word,) and suddenly jamming an informal word will make your tone screwy and awkward... either take it out, or change it so all the narration focused on Gina becomes informal in tone as well.

Quote:

Gina could see fountains, trees… and grass greener than the cheap ink and oversaturated colors of the map.
The ellipses isn't used correctly here because again it conveys the improper tone (what's so uncertain about grass and trees?) "And" is used 2 times here, and only articles/some prepositions should be used more than once in a sentence most of the time (exceptions include repetitions, or attmept in conveying fear/panic). That means you'll have to rephrase your sentence to get rid of an "and."

Quote:

...trying to get rid of energy—something, Gina thought, which wouldn’t be a bad idea.
awkward syntax... try to reword everything after the dash. For example, maybe something like "trying to get rid of energy, which wasn't a bad idea at all to Gina."

-(and there's all those funny grammatical mistakes/really weird syntax afterwards too but i'm not going to bother pointing them out anymore. Keep a sharp lookout for it.)

-now in terms of where Gina get Catiel, it's still slightly fuzzy... i got the impression that Gina received Catiel from some sort of graduation. It's a bit unclear rather this is completely true or not. Also, the whereabouts of the map is equally confusing. We know quite a bit about the map, but where did Gina get it? (it sounds important enough to know where she got the screwy map to begin with, plus unless you clear this up, it may contradict the statement regarding the pre-pack bags)

-if the guidebook is professionally made and is suppose to be helpful, then keep its professional mood and don't use words like "newbie" or informal syntax

-watch out for tenses... keep everything in past tense

-now another thing that's slightly ticking me off is treating Zigzagoon's fuzzy fur to the point of being "spines" or "spikes" or any pokey-and-sharp object... Pretty sure that those furry caterpillars in real life do not try to stab people. It's awkward to see how Zigzagoons in the stories have a real tendency to be more like a porcupine than a raccoon o.o; it's not a porcupine ;_; zigzag + raccoon = zigzagoon.

Quote:

It was out of their reach now, Gina realized. Whatever happened, her catiel had fought well. They just needed to lay off those zigzagoon for a while.
made things a LOT more confusing that what it should be. Might as well take it out and let the diary do the rest of the talking.

-it's probably necessary to mention that the first 2 pokeballs that Gina threw actually missed the target. it always helps to be paranoid about clarity.

Good Points
-unoriginal ideas are bought to a new light through careful planning and details
-very good characterization
-good usage of diary (while most fanfics' usage of diaries are really bad)

Focuses to Improve On
-grammar
-syntax for sentences
-focus furthermore on the choice of words. Not all the time are the diction used correctly.

Title: 4/5
Grammar Basics: 6/10
Coherence/Readability: 9/10
Characterization: 19/20 {Excellent!}
Story Structure: 13/15
Tone/Atmosphere: 12/15
Diction: 15/20
Effort/Originality: 14/15
Lit. Device bonus: +1 (diary usage)


total: 84

A great realistic view of an ordinary trainer's life in the Pokemon world, contrast to the majority of fanfics which focus on the complete opposite. It's a real live example that an original plot is totally unnecessary for a fanfic to be interesting. "A girl starts her Pokemon journey" is all there is to the plot, yet this fanfic succeeds to make such an ordinary journey interesting to read.

Not a standard of excellence fanfic, but I do encourage writers who got a writer's block to read it in order to learn how to twist unoriginal, boring ideas into an interesting part of a fanfic.

Personally, I loved the *plot* of this story a lot, but unfortunately that cannot be taken into account in the marking process so the marks may not reflect it... I actually enjoyed the plot very much.

Lily May 30th, 2005 4:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostweaver
First of all Lyn, welcome to PC fanfiction section =P We love to brutalize and destroy your story into bits and pieces with nasty/harsh comments until you lose all sense of dignity as a writer, so better get use to that soon ^^


I would be a very rich girl if I gathered up every post you made in reference to that. ^^

Heke...xD lol breezy. you mean SPP?- er, *shuts up*

My reviews wind up to the grammatical mistakes. =o= But, of course, I prefer being a closet reader. ;;;

oni flygon May 30th, 2005 4:20 PM

Guys... should we come up with a rule about mindless praises here? They're getting on my nerves especially when I can't do anything about it... ><

Breezy and Lily: That's true. Thou shalt not speak that name in these grounds... or fear being smitted by me... >>


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