The PokéCommunity Forums

The PokéCommunity Forums (https://www.pokecommunity.com/index.php)
-   Writer's Lounge (https://www.pokecommunity.com/forumdisplay.php?f=120)
-   -   Random Writing (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=165268)

Mira January 4th, 2009 4:10 PM

Random Writing
 
Yes indeed. My brain has serious issues and decided to stick this... thing in my mind like a toothpick in a cheese-ball. *blinks* Yeah... you get the idea. I'm not quite sure if this is going into a Pokemon Fan Fiction or an original fiction yet, but either way I should write it down :P
_____


The windows were fogged up. There were so many bodies crammed into a bus that I almost wished that I were outside in the cool midnight air... Though I knew that was the last place I wanted to be.

The scenery quickly fled past the windows, able to escape what I knew I couldn't. Trees dotted the rolling hills, occasionally being illuminated by the flicker of lightning. I stared out and the land beyond, watching as the silhouettes silently drifted in and out of sight. The crash of thunder filled my ears, much louder than I could ever remember before.

Yet another bolt of lightning skipped between the clouds, only this time another form was shown. It stood at the peak of a hill, completely oblivious to the breaking of clouds above. The black form remained motionless.

Waiting.

I let out my ghostly pale breath, the sound of my own heart drowning out the clash of fronts taking place. The bus was quickly approaching the hill on which the figure stood. There was no need for it to chase me any longer. I was doing its job.

The massive head of the figure snapped toward the direction of the bus and I could feel its eyes connect with my form. I found myself frozen in place, held by a terrible gaze. I have you now.

The form moved, quickly running in the direction of the road to intercept the bus as the bolts of lightning grew ever more frequent.

I pulled myself from the connection with a shiver to look at those surrounding me. The others didn't see. They were completely oblivious to the incredible force that was rapidly approaching.

It was coming.

I didn't know why. I didn't know who. All I knew was that it was coming.

Coming for me.


______
Whew! Wrote this in about 5 minutes, woot! Any comments?

An-chan January 4th, 2009 5:51 PM

Wait, what?

First of all, I don't think this actually has anything to do with Pokémon, so I'm not really sure if this is the right place for it. I would recommend posting this to Other Writing, but I'm not sure if it would be good to post this there, either.

All I mean is... What is this? Mira, take a step backwards and look at this thread. You named it "Random writing", and that's what it sure appears to be. But what's it for? You can write random stuff up without posting it anywhere. I should know, my computer's stuffed with random writing. What do you want people to do with this?
Do you want them to continue the story? In that case, I can understand this thread, sort of, and will also delete this message after you add that bit to the first post.
Do you want people to compliment you? If that's the case, then this thread is pretty meaningless and should be posted somewhere else. Like, say, the Fanfiction Lounge of Other Writing? I don't really know if it's the right place either, but my guess is that it is.
Do you want people to criticize you? In that case, I suggest you write something more and then ask for opinions. You really can't say much from a short piece like that.

Also: if you don't know what's something going to be yet, then don't post it yet. At least figure the general outlines of a story before starting to post it. Moreover, if this is going to be a real piece of fiction, as in a chaptered fic, then it belongs to the actual fic section, not here in the lounge.

So, please, do think before you press the "post" button.

As of that piece you posted: It's a good beginning for something, alright. It has that kind of suspension that suggests something big is going to happen, which is generally good for luring in readers. I think it's a tad too dramatic with the non-complete clauses and all, but that's just my opinion. I liked the negative word-choices. All in all it made me feel that the one talking is going to be murdered and someone else will be the actual protagonist, but that might be because I've read too much Agatha Christie recently :laugh: You're definitely a good writer, but you can still improve a great lot. That's good news, right?

I just really don't get the point of this thread.

Mira January 4th, 2009 6:21 PM

Shoot, did I not make it clear that the figure was a Pokemon? >.<' No, I didn't.

I was actually going to edit my original post and add on the story line... heh... But I had to finish a project and didn't realize it would take more than a few minutes. So, I was going to put up the summary after, but my computer died and now I have to re-type it up.

I probably should have named it "untitled fanfic idea" but I really wasn't thinking (as shown by the... cheese ball comment).

I'll work on writing out the summary tonight and put it up tomorrow.

Thank you for not flaming (which would have been very easy considering this thread) and I'm sorry about the mess of this.

An-chan January 4th, 2009 7:20 PM

Oh, all right. That settles it, then ^-^ It makes perfect sense now!

I never flame ;) I just got a tad curious of what you meant by this "Random Writing" thingamajigger. I kind of suspected this might have been one of those threads where every poster has to continue the story or something along those lines, but then again it seemed a lot more like a... well, you know, a lot like what it is: a fanfiction idea.

So, I reckon the problem was that you got a bit hasty with this.

Thank you for thanking me ^-^ And sorry for being such a petty whiner! Someone had to ask :laugh:


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:46 AM.


Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2018 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2016 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.

Acknowledgements
Use of PokéCommunity Assets
vB Optimise by DragonByte Technologies Ltd © 2023.