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Things you don't say to a cop
Yeah basically as the title says. :3
Examples... I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything Putting on a little weight? |
Can I wear the hat now, officer? ;3
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Can I go to the toilet yet?
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Could i make one quick drive across the state before you cancel my lisence sir :3
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Oops, dropped the drugs. Just ignore that.
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WAIT! Cant you see im busy on the fone!? You can check my lisence later!
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What's the pepper spray feel like?
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I have a knife and I'm not afraid to use it.
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Must feel great having a gun, can I borrow yours?
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Are you Jeebus? I see a bright light!
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Officer, it's okay. I'm drunk.
Really really really drunk. |
*catches you filling up a 10L oil can with petrol*
Errgh. I have an abbo for a kid. >.< |
Hold my beer while I get ready to punch you.
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Just gimme a sec, I've nearly finished pissing on your car.
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Sorry sir, I'm not a mobile donut shop.
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Excuse me officer, lemme take a couple guesses, huh? You were probably the big ••••••• in your high school right? You used to pick on guys like us everyday right? The graduation came, we went to college and you went nowhere. And you thought, Hey how can I still give them ****, oh I know I'll become a cop right? Well congradu••••ulations your dream has come true. Now why don't you take this quite little Asian guy, with the Anglican name who treats you so well … and give him a couple more tickets. Better yet just take him to jail.
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^ lolz thats freaky
Officer, your a prick! |
Hey Officer, do have any idea as to where my weed went? It was in the car just a second ago, but when I ran off to molest a girl, and came back, it was gone.
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Oh, nice gun. I have one of those in my pocket. Oh, and by the way, I have a car full of explosives rigged to go when I start up the car. Ain't that nifty?
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Why the straight face? I know lets play a game uncuff me so we can play its a game..... of hide and seek :)
Seen the picture of a pe**s that i put on your car? Oh look some knives who could have dropped them was it you?? |
You: Wow that's a big zit
Cop: Yeah You: I bet the people at the force call you pimplehead? Cop: No You: Pizza face? Cop: No You: Blemishy? Cop: No You: ZitGit? Cop: No You: ....Lardass? |
Are you one of the village people?
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my car did it, im innocent! :)
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This car isn't actually mine... I found it? :x
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the only reason your mad is because your late for your doughnut stop.
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Officer, I'm in a bit of a rush. Blood's leaking from the boot of my car.
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I always loved a man in uniform. ;3
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Is your baton measured by the length of... you know.
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Do you have pink fluffy handcuffs?
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I'm not doing anything suspicious. I'm just... umm... driving to... work! not doing anything suspicious with the murder of the guy at the end of the street! Who told you that? When I get them, I'll...
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Officer good day. As you can see i am driving in a stolen car with 3 hookers 5 kilos of dope and one body. Wanna join us?
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What you gonna do with all that junk, all that stuff in my trunk?
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Wow! Chrome dome! What you gonna do, lock me up?
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Oh great timing, I've been looking for a stripper for my hen's night. :3
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I heard your missus is up the spout...
Let me know who dunnit and I'll sort 'im out. |
If you revoke this fine, I'll give you my wife.
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The trees told me to! They spoke to me! As did the flowers, the bench...
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Hey tell your buddies to get off my tail i am trying to escape here!
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person:i am on a very tight schedule, *raise in voice* and i am not in the mood for this. dont you have someone else to yell at. like that old lady over there.
officer: THATS MY MOM! |
Hey, did you want to see the illegal pigeon fighting too?
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License? What the hell is that?
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That mess? Oh yeas thats a mixture of sick and dried blood that has come from my hooker.
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Never mind the laws, I have money!
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Yeah, the guy in my boot is...um...sleeping...
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Look over there! A robber! *Steals wallet*
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You: If you let the speeding pass ... *Slips a piece of paper into cops hand*
Cop: Sir, The police force doesn't take bribes....Especially not Basketball tickets... You: Oh wait I need those! |
No officer, that's not a gun in my pocket; I'm just happy to see you. :)
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Were you too stupid to be part of the FBI, and were forced to be a cop?
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What the hell?
Why did you stop me!? I was driving at 10 miles per hour! |
Oh, come on! Not my fault my knife accidently went into his heart. Or hers. Or his, or his...
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Your uniform isn't just only for work, huh?
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God, that driver was such a jerk... Oh that was you?!
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Yes officer...That is blood...Yes that is a body....Soooo what's your point?
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Officer i can easily explain how the 5 block radius exploded from an explosion coming from my house but you need to know higher math and a lot of chemistry. And i doubt you do yeh stupid doughnut eating fatarse crome dome!
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Officer, please tenderise me. :3
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My name? I want to know you first!
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Aren't you going to strip search me, big boy? ;3
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I love playing good cop, bad cop. ;D
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I'm sure you'd change your mind about giving me that ticket once we've spent a night together. ;3
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We may have seperate views, but 100 miles an hour is safe to me. That child didn't look before crossing. Not my fault.
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I'll obey anything you say, Officer. ;3
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But I wanted the female cop.
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Whoa! I think I have a stalker... You've been following me all day now.
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Do you have whipped cream instead of pepper spray?
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You are really convincing me that you're a cop. The costume is superb!
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No, I'm placing YOU under arrest.
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Wow 10-15 minutes and 2 pages XD
Officer may i say your private show on the internet is excellent. Can you do one for me here? |
Hey, I think I saw you on Cops once...
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Hey, I didn't know she was your wife!
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If you're going to take me to jail, please be rough.
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That's your daughter that's in the boot of my car? There's been a mix-up. You'll laugh when I tell you this...
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Hey, is my baton poking you? Oh wait, I don't have a baton...
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Ooh, so soft; Do you moisturise?
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I know you've been stalking me for a while, Officer. :x
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Don't worry, I'll make Heaven a place in prison.
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I'm sure you have fluffy hand cuffs from your regular ones. ;3
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I have connections...
in your pants. |
I'm resisting arrest! Oh, please tackle me to the ground.
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Hello officer could you hold on for a moment?
*Hits the driver door of your car open* Opps sorry! *Drive away* |
I break the law, just so I can see your beautiful face again~ ♥
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I could do a strip dance on your baton if you want...
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How roomy is it in the back of your paddy wagon? ;3
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Sure, I'll remain silent.
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Boo, I get the only straight cop in town.
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YOU'RE ARRESTING ME? I've been driving more than I've been drinking!
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Your the ninth cop I've seen with a stupid mustache!
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Code 311 means sexy party, right?
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This is the best way to meet studs like you. :D
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He had Life insurance, didn't he...
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Hmm...I wonder where this gun came from?
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*Points at Closer* She did it! -runs-
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Hey look a monkey!
*Punch in the face* |
Look, I'm not interested in you land, sir. Go back to that cave where all of you door to door salesmen live.
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Give me the ticket already! Iv'e heard this like a million times before!
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I'll give you a beer if you leave me alone mate!
epicfail fur teh lulz |
I definitely smell a pork product of some sort.
Look! a black man robbing a donut shop!!!! |
....Look at Chicken go catch it! =D
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I'm sure you pulling me over had other intentions. ;3
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You just keep talking and talking....
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If the cop was female
Were you the on at my party? |
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