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The Reign of Darkness
Before I begin, I would like to see your opinions on this story whether they be good or bad.
Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and will not own Pokemon, Pikachu, or his trusty light bulb. The Reign of Darkness Chapter 1: The Beginning Pikachu POV “Ugh.” I sat up on my straw mat, trying to find my bearings. An eerie darkness surrounded me, preventing my ability to see anything. Despite many urges to get out of bed, I sat there, hoping for sleep to come back to me. After realizing that I couldn't fall into slumber that easily, I decided I would turn on the light. With this new resolve, I slid off the straw mat that was my bed and began a painfully slow journey to the light switch. Bang. Crash. Bump. After tripping over many obstacles, I finally reached a panel on the wall that housed two switches. Not sure which one to activate, I tried the one on the right. Click. No light. Well, that didn't work. Maybe I turned the fan on instead of the light. Turning off the right switch, I reached out further, and clicked on the one on the left. Click. Nothing. This is starting to creep me out... I probably should get that spare light bulb from the closet so I can actually get somewhere... I felt my way across one of the walls until my paw hit a door frame. I paused to look around, just in case anything was hiding in the darkness. I actually saw something move, but I convince myself that is was just my imagination playing tricks on me. So I reached inside the open closet, and swiped the light bulb I had been looking for off the top of my dresser. Feeling a surge of triumph, I swiftly channeled energy into the base of the bulb. Zzt. The filament flickered a few times before the light bulb actually turned on. After it had brightened to its most intense glow, I looked up. The room around me suddenly brightened up, revealing lots of hardwood furniture, a cozy stray mat, and... two broken switches mounted on some white paneling. So that's why the switches wouldn't work... some of the circuits were cut. Shrugging, I set off for the kitchen to grab a morsel to eat. As I shuffled though the hall, I gazed at some beautifully designed paintings featuring gallant Pokemon fighting off the opposition. After staring at it for a while, I remembered my objective, and moved on. As I passed my parents' room, I couldn't help but notice that their room was unoccupied. I felt a bit of anxiety run down my spine, but I forced it away with the fact that my parents were often out of bed. Just in case, I checked nearly every room, but could not find them until I trudged into the kitchen. “SURPRISE!” My parents were sitting at the breakfast table under a banner that said 'Happy Birthday' on it. Not expecting this, I fell back onto the wall behind me, while dropping the light bulb I had been holding. “Uh... what do you mean, surprise?” My mother looked disapprovingly at me. “Don't tell me you forgot about your birthday...” I opened my mouth to respond, but my father cut in before I could say a word. “We spent too much time on the preparations for your party for you to forget,” he chuckled. I was finally able to speak, now that my parents had stopped talking. “Yeah, of course I remembered,” I mumbled, as I staggered to my feet. Feeling akward, I quickly changed the subject. I gestured towards the paper strip mounted on the ceiling and asked, “Where'd you get that banner?” Silence. Wondering why my parents weren't responding, I turned my gaze at my parents... or at least where they used to be. Wait a second. Weren't they just there a second ago? I turned my gaze back to the table. There was something obviously wrong with it, but I couldn't figure out what. I looked all around it: checking the bottom, the center, and even the legs, but I couldn't find any leads. After several minutes of close inspection, I considered the search pointless and went on to find my missing parents. While walking into the hallway, I caught a glance of my father's tall, strong frame and my mother's considerably short and slender form. I ran towards the silhouettes and even took a running jump at them, but I just fell right through them. Thud. “Ouch!” I landed face-first onto the hard, wooden floor, and I found myself grasping at thin air. What just happened? Weren't they just there a second ago? My body continuously told me to stay down, but I somehow managed to struggle upwards and drag myself through the dark hallway back to the kitchen. I considered going back to bed, but I decided that since I was still awake, I would just go outside and calm down. When I opened the door, darkness surrounded me once again, this time accompanied by fog. This made it nearly impossible to see. Finding it pointless to go further, I turned to go back inside. But when I did, something hit me in the back of the head... Author's Comments: This is my first time attempting to write a serious fanfiction, and I find that it's working well for me. Be sure to leave comments, so I'll be more inclined to write more! |
hmmm. not much description. I think you should work on description and length of chapter. A few good fics to check out to get what I mean is Kev XY's, mine, f l a s h's old locked one, and trust me...there are a lot more. Turtlekings, bobandbill's. Slow down with chaters and describe the person/pokemon/object you're talking about:)
(oh and you can do like three chapters all back to back in fanfiction section...they don't destroy you about it as like in Rp section and all:)) |
Great! Thanks for the tip... I'm pretty rusty at writing, and I completely forgot about putting descriptions in... I'll be sure to fix my first post. I've edited it now. Also, I have to object to your comment on the length of chapter. It's my choice whether I want to write long chapters or short ones...
Another thing I would like to clarify is that I know double posting won't kill me, but it's still breaking the rules. I try to stay away from that kind of thing. One more thing: I'd feel a lot better if you wouldn't treat me like I'm completely new to fan fiction... I've probably been writing for about 3 years now. Don't take that the wrong way though, I really do appreciate your tips, but I feel as though you're treating me as a complete newbie. Note: If you want good fan fiction, then you should check out the horror written for Pokemon. So well written, yet soooo scary. check this fan fiction out: The Ties that Bind It's so depressing... |
First off, it isn't actually double posting if you're putting up a new chapter. (I've double-posted on Metal Coat four times in a row - nobody's reviewed for almost a month, and I haven't been nagged yet.)
On to the actual story. Judging from the disclaimer, the main character is a Pikachu, right? There's hardly any description (the only exception being him describing the frames of his parents). A couple of times you switched in between past- and present-tense, but it could possibly just be typoes. There's a lot of 'flowery vocab' in the story - unless this Pikachu has a huge vocabulary, would you still be using more complicated words in first person? This could turn out intresting. Bottom Line: More description, less big words. |
Well, if you were wondering about the flowery vocabulary thing, then I'll tell you something: the original idea for this story sprouted from an earlier fic of mine (on a different site) that featured an idiotic Pikachu who couldn't tell his face from his bottom.
Due to this, I made this fic, originally named Pikachu Isn't Dumb, featuring a Pikachu who IS apparently smarter than your average dolphin. Much smarter. And if you were wondering about the title change, that was because when I first began writing this, I didn't have a story in mind. Now I do, so I re-named it accordingly. Anyways, thanks for the review, The Unchosen One, I appreciate your support! |
Sorry for the delay, I didn't feel like writing until today. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and will not own Pokémon, Pikachu, or his trusty light bulb. The Reign of Darkness Chapter 2: Captivity Pikachu POV I woke on a cold, hard, surface. I lay on the floor for a while, not wanting to move because of the extreme pain in the back of my head, and was about to drift back to sleep when an image formed itself in my mind. My mother stood in front of me, with a look of severe disapproval on her face. She reached out to shake me, but stopped in mid-action and decided to yell at me instead. “GET UP, YOU LAZY EXCUSE FOR A SON!” Jolted awake, I looked side to side, expecting to see my mother standing to my left. Instead, I saw a plain looking wall staring back at me. I figured that there was nothing wrong with observing my surroundings, so I did so. I crawled over to one of the walls in the room. Reaching out with one of my arms, I found it rather damp to the touch, while getting a bit of dirt and other things on my paw. Hm... What's this on my paw?... Wait... Urk! When realization dawned upon me, I immediately began wiping the smelly substance onto the ground. Man, I wonder if this place is ever cleaned at all! Since I didn't feel like learning anything else about the wall, I turned my attention to a beam of light that was streaming through a small, square window. Light! I haven't seen any for who knows how long! I quickly shuffled over to the beam of light, and when I touched it, warmth washed over my body. I began to relax, since I was warm and comfortable. As I was leaning back, I noticed one final thing about the odd room. There were steel bars where the fourth wall should have been. Wait. Steel bars? Now where is the only place you would find steel bars blocking any way out? Suddenly it hit me like a rock in the head. I was in a jail cell, and was being held captive for unknown reasons. I put my head in my hands and trembled in despair. Man, how could have this happened to me? I haven't done anything to deserve to be thrown into jail... All former feelings of happiness and contentedness left me as this realization sank into my mind. Feeling suddenly drained, I slumped against the wall with the window mounted on it. Ideas of escape floated around in my mind. I thought about trying to knock the door down, jumping out of the window, and stealing the keys to my cell from a guard... That's it! If I can get the keys to my cell, then I can unlock the door! With new energy, I dashed to the door and listened for any activity outside of my cell. Nothing. My ears twitched a bit, and I listened harder. “...So...you...doing?” I could barely hear a small voice down the hall. Intrigued, I pressed myself as close to the source of the sound as possible, and listened again. I could hear two Pokemon having a conversation. “So, have you seen the new prisoner yet?” one of the voices asked. The other voice responded. “No, I haven't. What's he look like?” After that small exchange, I could hear footsteps getting closer and closer. I instinctively prepared myself to attack, and kept my eyes trained on the hallway. A few moments later, a pair of Ratattas walked into my line of vision. I let loose a charge that I had been holding as long as I could remember, and I prayed that it would hit. It did. Zzzzzaaaapppp! The two Ratattas were knocked out before they could even react. Yes! I got them! Now let's see if they have any keys I can use... I reached out and felt around the pouches that they were carrying, searching for keys. I was soon rewarded with the cold touch of metal, and I grabbed hold of the small object. Pulling back my arm, I saw that I was holding a rusty key. Seeing that my luck had finally rewarded me, I grinned as I extended my arm to unlock the door from the outside, where the keyhole was. I tried to insert the key into the keyhole as best as I could, but found it incredibly difficult. After a few attempts, I grew frustrated and just jabbed the key towards the hole. The key slid perfectly into the slot, and I hardly could contain my excitement as I turned the key... Click. The door swung open, and I was free at last! Author's Comments: So, what do you think? Be sure to review, if you read it at all... |
Just read the new chapter.
So now our Pikachu buddy is in some sort of jail... however, the snatching-keys-from-Ratatta thing confused me. If the Ratattas were zapped just as they came into the prisoner's line of vision (which I assume is pretty far away from him), how on Earth could a short, stubby Pikachu paw reach out of the cell and reach their bodies, much less a keychain in their pocket, if they're a good four or five feet away? |
Yes, that's the question, right?
No, I'm kidding. My idea is that CONVENIENTLY, one of the Rattatas fell rather close to the cell, with its footpaws pointing in the direction of the cell. Then Pikachu would probably pull the Rattata towards him, and snatch the keys when in range. (I should probably put that in, thanks) Now, don't be turned off by this REALLY convenient turn of events; it won't be this way for long. After all, it IS the Reign of Darkness. Oh, by the way, third chapter will be posted in the near future. |
FIRST QUESTION!!!
What's a 'morsel' ??? HAHA Now, seriously (although I would like to know XD) It's nice. A bit mysterious, a bit action. But yes, it could be more descriptive and slow action, although it's good for me. The story seems to be still in the "getting to know the situation/characters" isn't it? |
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Some kid in my class just asked that today. |
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but seriously... I'm not english, how could I know?? :P PD: would be great if the third chapter is longer ;) |
i never accused you of being him, gawrsh.
And, here's the dictionary's description of morsel: "a small piece of something, especially of food." |
Yeah, it is in the "getting to know the characters and setting" stage right now. And yes, I will make the third chapter longer.
I'm just glad that someone's actually reading it... |
I like the idea behind this story, I am a huge pikachu fan. I'm also writing a story here, based on the Mystery Dungeon "human turns into a pokemon" theme, called "Dark Reflections: Kain's Saga," I hope you'll check it out, and I'll keep watching this one.
Keep it up! |
Yeah, I'll be sure to check it out... I haven't really seen any fics with the Mystery Dungeon storyline yet...
Well, that ends now! Note: I AM SO SORRY FOR MY LAZINESS... CHAPTER 3 COMING SOON. |
I love the stories. Keep them up.
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