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Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 4:00 PM

Shattered [M]
 
Well, here it is. Shattered. Yes, I love italicising it. Shattered. Anyhow, this will be updated whenever, my time (GMT+12). I know the etiquette is to not nag people for the next chapter, but I give you permission.

Announcements (such as going on holiday, important updates etc) will be put here in BOLD RED FONT.

CURRENT ANNOUNCEMENTS: This thing is deeeead. I have vague hopes of getting it up again some time in the future, but till then . . . hmm. Not likely.








|~Chapter List~|
  1. Prologue/Stirring (this post)
  2. Revolution Begins
  3. Today
  4. New Toys
  5. I'm On A Boat
  6. Dragons in the Closet
  7. Complications
  8. Flame
  9. Down Once More to the Dungeon of my Black Despair
  10. Rawr
|~PM List~|
no longer exists


This story is rated M for mild language and eventual violence. I will not make excuses for the fact it starts out as an OT fic. Put down the pitchforks. I do not own Pokemon. Here we go.


Shattered
The End is Coming


Prologue


Thousands of years ago, Sinnoh was a nation torn by feudal warfare. Large clans fought for control of land. One particular clan, the Shinoka, was led by a powerful warlord. This warlord was cruel and heartless, attempting to subjugate all of Sinnoh and establish a dictatorship. To this end, he was assisted by three trusted lieutenants.

For years, nobody dared to stand up to the warlord and his lieutenants as they dominated almost all of Sinnoh. Until one day, a hero came forth, leading a determined band of men against the warlord. The warlord was furious that someone had the nerve to stand up to him. He became even more angered when he discovered that the rebel was a childhood friend of one of his lieutenants. In a fit of rage, he banished the lieutenant from his lands.

Seeking vengeance, the woman who had once been a lieutenant of the most powerful man in Sinnoh joined forces with the warlord’s worst enemy, her childhood friend. Together, they were able to defeat the warlord and his two remaining lieutenants. Sinnoh once again disintegrated into tribal warfare, clan against clan. The people soon forgot there had ever been such a dictator, or who had freed them from him. The heroes who had deposed the dictator faded into obscurity . . .


Chapter 1
Stirring


June 14, 2000


The sun dawned brightly on Sunyshore City, as it did every morning. Pokémon, as per usual, were the first ones awake, immediately springing into life, followed shortly afterward by shrieking children. Bleary-eyed adults stumbled out of bed quite some time later, wishing they were still asleep, while the children and Pokémon played frantic, loud games around the house. Such was the scene in many family households across the city.

One such house, however, was very different.

In a small, cosy villa on the seafront, three people slept peacefully well past ten o’clock. This was the home of the Bach twins, and at ten-thirty, both were still sound asleep.

“Come on, Tyson. Wake up!” his mother whispered, shaking him gently. Tyson’s eyes snapped open instantly, revealing grey-blue irises that flitted around for a few seconds, searching for the source of the disturbance, before settling on his mother.

“Morning, Mum,” he mumbled, still half-asleep. Sitting up, he stifled a yawn. “What day is it?”

“It’s Thursday, love,” she said, smiling. “You’ve only got a half-day today, remember?”

“That’s right,” he said, trying to clear his head of the fog of sleep. “Teacher conference, right?”

“Yes, something like that. Get up and get dressed, love. See you in the kitchen in five for breakfast.” With that, she stepped outside the room, closing the door behind her.

Blinking tiredly, Tyson swung his legs off the bed and got unsteadily to his feet. He had been up late last night reading, of course. Unlike other fourteen-year-olds, however, he hadn’t been reading comic books about superheroes or novels about fantasy lands where strange creatures roamed and magic ruled the world. No, what Tyson Bach loved to read were crime thrillers. The suspense and mystery filling each page was enough to keep him reading well past eleven o’clock. His particular favourites were Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes novels. As a matter of fact, he had been reading The Hound of the Baskervilles just last night.

Crossing the room to the window, he pulled the curtains back, blinking in the light that flooded the room. Being on the eastern – seaward – side of the house, Tyson’s room got full sunlight for the whole morning. It wasn’t often he got to enjoy it like this, however. Every morning, he would get up while the sun was barely peeking over the horizon in order to be at school by eight. As a result, he only got to sleep in once a week, on Sundays. Saturday classes finished at lunchtime, though.

Flicking through the hangers in his closet, Tyson picked out his wardrobe for the day. It wasn’t really a hard decision. He simply grabbed the first T-shirt he came across and matched it with a random pair of jeans. He ended up with a sky-blue T-shirt with the word ‘Armageddon’ printed on it in white above a picture of an Exploding Voltorb.

Stepping out of his room, Tyson found himself nose to nose with his twin sister, who had just come out of the room on the other side of the hallway. It was a little like looking into a mirror. The same round face, the same grey-blue eyes, the same quirky grin. The only difference that was immediately visible was their hair. While Haley’s brown hair was neatly combed, and hung down past her shoulders, Tyson’s was shorter, yet long enough to be shaggy. He hadn’t bothered to touch it since he’d got up, and it showed.

Even though they were almost identical, Tyson and Haley could not be more different. While Tyson was down-to-earth and practical, Haley was a dreamer, with her head stuck permanently in the clouds. Although they were polar opposites in personality, they were as close as any two siblings could be. They’d lived together for fourteen years, after all.

“Morning!” said Haley brightly. “Lovely day, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely,” agreed Tyson as they headed for the kitchen. “Do you know what time we’re supposed to be starting today?”

“Eleven thirty, I think,” she said thoughtfully.

“Oh, Tyson, do you ever brush your hair, love?” his mother asked as she spotted them entering the kitchen.

“Not really,” Tyson grinned. She sighed in exasperation and set about attacking his hair with a comb.

Elizabeth Bach was a typical mum. She was fussy when she needed to be, but always proud of her children. Due to her husband’s demanding job, she had practically raised the twins herself. Tyson and Haley were closer to her than they were to anyone else in the world, except each other. Her face set in a frown of motherly annoyance, she tugged her comb through Tyson’s hair while Haley set about breakfast, trying not to laugh.

Tyson was, in fact, finding the situation equally amusing. Then again, Tyson found just about anything amusing.

Over breakfast, the topic of discussion ranged just as widely as always; from the latest Pokémon League challenger to the annoying DJ on the local radio station, from last week’s maths test to the weather.

“Did you hear about that cyclone in Johto?” Haley asked. “It was on the news last night.”

“Yes, I saw that,” said Tyson, nodding thoughtfully. “Tore Cianwood City to pieces, didn’t it?”

“Yes, it did,” confirmed Haley, “but they evacuated everyone a couple of days ago. Only a few people were killed. It would have been a lot worse if they hadn’t found out about it when they did.”

Tyson gazed thoughtfully out of the window. The sky over Sunyshore was as clear and blue as usual. He couldn’t imagine any weather worse than a cold breeze ever coming to Sunyshore. The disaster wreaked in Johto seemed remote and distant. Yet glancing over at Haley, he knew that his sister was feeling the loss of those lives more than he was. She was emotional like that. He knew that a cloud would hang over her for the rest of the day.

“Come on, you two!” their mother laughed. “It’s almost eleven. You should get going, or you’ll be late.” Chatting amiably all the while, the three of them cleared up the breakfast and made ready to leave.

Stepping out of the door, Tyson took a deep breath of fresh air. The sun was warm – as usual – and there was only the lightest of sea breezes – again, as usual. Everything was so predictable. He wished that something different would happen. Just once.

“Come on, Tyson!” Haley nudged him cheekily. “It’s not like you to just stand there. What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled dismissively, starting to walk. “Nothing at all.” Looking at him askance, Haley followed.

“What’s been eating you lately, Tyson?” she asked in concern. “You’re not the same these days.”

“It’s nothing,” he said again.

“It’s not ‘nothing’,” she said. “It’s something. Don’t try and lie to me, Tyson. I know you too well for that.” Tyson sighed. She was right. He couldn’t put anything past her.

“Do you ever feel . . .” he began uncertainly, then paused, unsure if he should continue.

“Go on,” she prodded gently.

“Do you ever feel as if there’s something more?” he asked cryptically.

“Always,” she said. “There’s always something new out there, right?”

“No,” he said. “That’s not what I mean. Like . . .” he paused as he struggled to find words for what he was trying to say. “Like, do you feel that there’s something else we should be doing?” he asked finally.

“Instead of what?” Haley frowned.

“Instead of . . . you know, just going to school every day, living out a normal life, and never doing anything to make a difference, whether it be to us or to anyone else?”

“I see your point,” she said slowly, “but why the sudden change in philosophy? You’re starting to sound like me!” she laughed.

“I practically am you,” Tyson said, laughing as well, “remember?”

The heavy conversation degenerated into helpless laughter. By the time they stopped, they had made an unspoken agreement not to breach the subject again. At least, not that day.

“Hey, Tyson! Haley!” The twins turned slightly to see a tall, red-haired girl jogging along behind them, trying to catch up. Tyson stopped immediately and let her do so. Haley smiled.

“Hi, Alexis!” she said brightly. “Did you miss the bus?”

“Yeah,” said Alexis regretfully. “I thought it left at quarter past eleven, but, well, it didn’t, so I missed it, so I had to walk, so I’m gonna be late, so here I am!” Haley blinked.

“Whoa. Calm down, girl,” she cautioned as the three started walking again. “You won’t be late.”

“Did you hear about the cyclone?” Tyson asked Alexis, watching Haley out of the corner of his eye. Just like he thought, Haley winced slightly at the mention of the disaster. Interesting.

“Yes, I saw it on the news this morning! It’s just as well they managed to evacuate just about everybody, right?”

That’s pretty much what Haley said, Tyson mused. Shaking his head, he shoved all thoughts of disaster to the back of his mind and focused on trying to remember all the methods for working out an angle at the centre of a circle.

By the time the trio reached school at twenty past eleven, the conversation had all but died out. Tyson was mumbling to himself about geometry, Haley was lost in cloud-cuckoo land, and Alexis was walking awkwardly between them, glancing from one to the other.

“What have you got first period, Alexis?” asked Haley, completely out of the blue.

“Oh,” said Alexis, caught off guard. “Science, I think. What about you?”

“I’ve got Art,” she said dreamily, her hand working an invisible paintbrush in the air in front of her.

“Aren’t you lucky, then,” grumbled Tyson good-naturedly. “I’ve got a Maths test. What do the interior angles of a polygon add up to again?”

“Number of sides, minus two, multiplied by a hundred and eighty,” said Alexis. “I think.”

“Thank you,” he said briskly, dashing off toward his first class. “I’ll see you guys in Pokémon Studies!” he called over his shoulder. “I have to be at Maths five minutes early!” Before either of the girls could reply, he was gone.

“Sides, minus two, times one-eighty,” he mumbled as he ran. “Sides, minus two, times one-eighty. Sides, minus two . . .”


***


An hour later, Tyson slid into his seat next to Haley in Pokémon Studies looking decidedly worn out.

“Damn,” he said. “I hate geometry!” Haley raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Alexis arrived and dropped into the chair on Haley’s other side.

“Damn,” she said. “I hate science!” Tyson looked at her for a second, before he and Haley burst out laughing. Alexis looked utterly bemused. “What?” she asked, going a little pink.

“Silence, please!” Mr Jay’s voice rang out from the front of the room. All chatter immediately ceased. A stout little man with a suit and tie, Mr Jay was well respected by his pupils. He didn’t need to shout. When he said jump, they jumped. “Today, we have a very important guest. Now, I presume that most of you are aware that the staff have been occupied this morning with a conference of vital importance?” Most of the class nodded. “Well, you are about to find out why. Without further ado, I present to you Dr. Goldstein of the Pokémon League!”

An excited murmur ran around the assembled students as the classroom door opened. The Pokémon League had not been operating for very long; the government had been firmly set against it, for reasons that were, on the whole, incomprehensible. Whatever Dr. Goldstein was here for, it had to be important.

When Dr. Goldstein stepped through the door, the murmuring stopped. Goldstein was a tall man, long and lanky, with neatly cropped black hair and round, black glasses that obscured his eyes from view.

“Good morning, everyone,” he said. His voice was deep and gravelly; it sounded as if he had a large piece of sandpaper lodged in his throat. “I am Dr. Goldstein. I represent the Pokémon League.” The class remained silent. Mr Jay had told them as much. “I am here this afternoon to present to you the Pokémon League’s latest initiative, a joint project with the Ministry of Education,” he continued, droning on as if he was simply reciting lines spoken a thousand times. “In response to the Pokémon League’s lack of challengers, the Ministry of Education has agreed to allow students to undertake an extended field trip of sorts. This will allow you to travel around Sinnoh, experience new things, learn about Pokémon and gain valuable knowledge that will serve you well throughout your life.”

“He sounds like he’s swallowed a textbook,” Tyson whispered. Alexis nodded in silent agreement, but Haley was gazing thoughtfully at the doctor, completely focused, for once, on what was being said.

“Your school curriculum,” Goldstein continued, “will naturally be put on hold for the duration of your ‘Pokémon Journey’, as this project is called. I believe your teacher will have further information on this for you later.” This news sent another excited buzz around the room. No school? No boring history or maths?

“This class is one of many from across the region that will undertake the Pokémon Journey. Our long-term aim is to have this standard practice, but for now, you are beta testers, if you will. If you are successful in your journey, we will be able to push our case to have every student doing this.” A few people were nodding. It seemed fair enough. But it all seemed too good to be true. Was this a prank? If it wasn’t – and admittedly, Dr. Goldstein looked deadly serious – what was the catch?

“Your teacher has an explanatory booklet and permission form for your parents. Naturally, if you do not wish to be involved, or your parents do not wish you to be involved, you are under no pressure to participate. I will be holding a seminar tonight in the school auditorium for any parents who may be under any doubt as to the logistics or ethics of the project. Thank you,” he said, bowing. He left without another word. Mr Jay, caught off guard by his sudden departure, almost tripped over his chair in his hurry to reach the front of the class.

“Well,” he said. “I can tell you’re all excited, so . . . ah, where did I put them?” He trotted over to his desk and started riffling through piles of papers. “Aha!” he exclaimed triumphantly, holding up a sheaf of glossy A4 booklets. “Take one of these each,” he said, passing them around, “and take it home. Careful, James, don’t drop the permission slip inside!” he cautioned one of the other students.

Tyson, Haley and Alexis eagerly flicked through their copies. The booklets were full of many pages of text, as well as pictures of young Trainers with Pokémon. Tyson skim-read the first page. It detailed the history of the Pokémon League, with lots of not-so-subtle references to its notability, safety, multiple business awards and reputation in other regions.

“What do you think?” asked Alexis. Her eyes were shining as she looked hopefully at Tyson and Haley. “Are you going to do it?” Haley nodded, her expression rapt.

“It would be just wonderful, wouldn’t it? To travel all over Sinnoh, to see everything, to meet all those Pokémon!” Tyson frowned.

“I’m not sure,” he said. “It sounds like fun, but . . .” he took a deep breath. “I really wanted to stay in school, you know that. Otherwise, I can’t get the qualifications I need to go to university.” Haley’s face fell.

“It wouldn’t be any fun without you, Tyson,” she said pleadingly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t make a decision now.”

“All right, enough talking!” snapped Mr Jay. “We will now be continuing with our Basic Fire-type sociology unit,” he said, drawing a collective moan from the group. Grabbing a piece of chalk, he began to scratch away on the blackboard.


***


Three-quarters of an hour later, the class broke for lunch; because it was a double period, however, Tyson, Haley and Alexis chose to stay in class and discuss the Pokémon Journey program.

“I’m definitely going for it,” Alexis reaffirmed for the tenth time in as many minutes. “The only problem is that my parents aren’t going to like it. They’re kind of . . . protective.”

“Well, at least your dad’s not a police officer,” countered Haley. “He can be very protective.”

“I don’t think he’ll have a problem,” Tyson spoke up. “He knows we’re responsible.”

“True,” Haley admitted, “but Mum will be a different story altogether.” Tyson winced as he imagined his mother’s reaction.

“I might not have a problem, though,” he laughed. “I might not be going, remember?”

“Oh, but Tyson, you have to go!” Haley begged. “I don’t want to go off on my own!” Tyson frowned.

It did sound amazing. It was, after all, something he had always wanted to do for a long time. But what about university? he asked himself. It wasn’t like he could sit exams while he was wandering all over Sinnoh, could he?

“Tyson, I know you want to go to university,” Alexis said, “but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Look at this,” she said, flicking through her booklet to a particular page. “The Pokémon League is supplying everything! Pokémon, Poké Balls, PokéGear, the works!” Still unconvinced, Tyson nodded.

“I’ll think about it.” It was an attractive prospect, but still.

“All right,” said Haley. “No pressure. I’ll get Mum and Dad to go to the seminar tonight, anyway.”

“Same here,” said Alexis. Right then, the bell rang, causing them to cover their ears.

“Someone needs to replace that damn bell,” muttered Alexis when it had finished.

“Sorry?” said Tyson. “I didn’t quite catch that. My ears are numb.” They laughed as the rest of the class trooped back in, followed by Mr Jay, who immediately began scribbling away on the board again. Tyson settled in for a long afternoon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Citrinin July 5th, 2009 4:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Dr. Goldstein looked deadly serious – what was the catch?”

That end-quote shouldn't be there.

Other than that, a brilliant chapter. :D I love how you developed the characters, particularly Tyson, and, as you've said, it's not just a tree-professor giving ten-year-olds Pokémon. :) As for the chapter consisting of dialogue, that is just the nature of what this chapter tries to achieve (setting the scene and describing how the beginning of their journey comes about), so don't worry about. ^_^ Overall, a very effective start.

Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 4:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Citrinin (Post 4821375)
That end-quote shouldn't be there.

[email protected]*&[email protected]*(^

*fixes*

Quote:

Other than that, a brilliant chapter. :D I love how you developed the characters, particularly Tyson, and, as you've said, it's not just a tree-professor giving ten-year-olds Pokémon. :) As for the chapter consisting of dialogue, that is just the nature of what this chapter tries to achieve (setting the scene and describing how the beginning of their journey comes about), so don't worry about. ^_^ Overall, a very effective start.
Thank you! The next chapter will be a bit dialogue-y, but after that, we start to pick up momentum, so please bear with me!

Giratina ♀ July 5th, 2009 4:37 PM

My first impression: This is a very nice twist on the OT genre, and just the fact that you didn't start off at the Pokémon GET! part of the plot while describing other details as a sidenote is something nice. However, there were a few errors I noticed - not many, I assure you, but they were there.

Quote:

It wasn’t like he could sit exams while he was wandering all over Sinnoh, could he?
I think this should be 'she', referring to Haley?

Honestly, I didn't notice the dialogue overload until you mentioned it. It didn't daunt me at all, and I actually thought this was a very good idea. While the opening wasn't cover-to-cover explosionfests, not many good fics are, and it did its job well: keeping me interested until the cool stuff started. I'm going to be following this fic!

Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 5:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giratinasaur (Post 4821445)
My first impression: This is a very nice twist on the OT genre, and just the fact that you didn't start off at the Pokémon GET! part of the plot while describing other details as a sidenote is something nice. However, there were a few errors I noticed - not many, I assure you, but they were there.



I think this should be 'she', referring to Haley?

First off, thank you very much for reviewing. I like twisting things *twists own head backwards*

Secondly, the whole chapter is told in third person limited, from Tyson's POV, so that paragraph is him wondering about how he's going to get into uni. (Americans=college) Chapter 2 will be third person limited from Haley's POV, I think. Or maybe Alexis.

Miz en Scène July 5th, 2009 6:22 PM

I saw your preview in the writer's lounge and my first thought was too get to reading this fic ASAP. Although, it didn't have the same resonance like when you wrote the preview it still is quite exciting. Nice twist on the OT genre.

Still, due to my habit of finding mistakes in everything(except my own stuff. XD), I have here a review for you...

Review Content Warning(if you don't like criticism, or any form of review, skip to the end of this Review to see the sugarcoated one I wrote. XD.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote:

As it is the school holidays, I will be wrting more than one chapter a week. I go back to school on the 21st of July, so expect several updates till then.
Not a good idea compadre, to write quality, don't put quantity and speed first. You'll get more mistakes that way. I also assume you're fairly adept at English writing so I wont pester you into getting a beta.


Quote:

three trusted lieutenants.
Should be three of his trusted lieutenants. Doesn't make sense if he trusts other people's lieutenants.


Quote:

For years, nobody dared to stand up to the warlord and his lieutenants as they dominated almost all of Sinnoh. Until one day, a hero came forth, leading a determined band of men against the warlord. The warlord was furious that someone had the nerve to stand up to him. He became even more angered when he discovered that the rebel was a childhood friend of one of his lieutenants. In a fit of rage, he banished the lieutenant from his lands.

Seeking vengeance, the woman who had once been a lieutenant of the most powerful man in Sinnoh joined forces with the warlord’s worst enemy, her childhood friend.

Too much childhood friend action. Your fic so meh...0_o


Quote:

Then again, Tyson found just about anything amusing.
Happy-go-lucky type kid eh....
True, everyone should follow this philosophy, it lets you live longer.


Quote:

“Good morning, everyone,” he said. His voice was deep and gravelly; it sounded as if had a large piece of sandpaper lodged in his throat. “I am Dr. Goldstein. I represent the Pokémon League.” The class remained silent. Mr Jay had told them as much. “I am here this afternoon to present to you the Pokémon League’s latest initiative, a joint project with the Ministry of Education,” he continued, droning on as if he was simply reciting lines spoken a thousand times. “In response to the Pokémon League’s lack of challengers, the Ministry of Education has agreed to allow students to undertake an extended field trip of sorts. This will allow you to travel around Sinnoh, experience new things, learn about Pokémon and gain valuable knowledge that will serve you well throughout your life.”

“He sounds like he’s swallowed a textbook,” Tyson whispered. Alexis nodded in silent agreement, but Haley was gazing thoughtfully at the doctor, completely focused, for once, on what was being said.

“Your school curriculum,” Goldstein continued, “will naturally be put on hold for the duration of your ‘Pokémon Journey’, as this project is called. I believe your teacher will have further information on this for you later.” This news sent another excited buzz around the room. No school? No boring history or maths?
I don't see why the government would care about the Pokemon League unless there was some kind of incentive for doing so... I don't see the point in letting the next generation of doctors, policemen and civil servants becoming Pokemon trainers. Maybe it would make more sense if there was a certain test to go with it first, to determine capability in handling oneself in the real world. Then, weed out the weak and let the strong go out into the world.

Again, meh it's your story.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Review Content End

It was pretty good, I kind of like the character development and I'm anxious for the next chapter. But still, take your time...

Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 6:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neo Groudon (Post 4821831)
I saw your preview in the writer's lounge and my first thought was too get to reading this fic ASAP. Although, it didn't have the same resonance like when you wrote the preview it still is quite exciting. Nice twist on the OT genre.

Still, due to my habit of finding mistakes in everything(except my own stuff. XD), I have here a review for you...

Review Content Warning(if you don't like criticism, or any form of review, skip to the end of this Review to see the sugarcoated one I wrote. XD.

I love criticism. Hit me with everything you got. Just don't go Yami on me. [/Serebii joke]

Quote:

Not a good idea compadre, to write quality, don't put quantity and speed first. You'll get more mistakes that way. I also assume you're fairly adept at English writing so I wont pester you into getting a beta.
First off, don't worry, I'm not rushing things. It's just that I have about 50 kajillion times the computer hours I have during school term.




Quote:

Should be three of his trusted lieutenants. Doesn't make sense if he trusts other people's lieutenants.
Doesn't that kind of make it sound like there were more than three, though? Besides, I thought it would kind of go without saying that they were his.


Quote:

Too much childhood friend action. Your fic so meh...0_o
I didn't just put that in there because it was kawaii, you know. I has my reezins.


Quote:

Happy-go-lucky type kid eh....
True, everyone should follow this philosophy, it lets you live longer.
True XD. He finds things amusing, but he is really very sensible most of the time. He matures a lot throughout the fic, too. Do you remember Torn? Well, go through it again until you find the part where the main character says what his name is.



Quote:

I don't see why the government would care about the Pokemon League unless there was some kind of incentive for doing so... I don't see the point in letting the next generation of doctors, policemen and civil servants becoming Pokemon trainers. Maybe it would make more sense if there was a certain test to go with it first, to determine capability in handling oneself in the real world. Then, weed out the weak and let the strong go out into the world.
This will be sorted out, don't worry. iirc, Goldstein said it was an experiment, being undertaken by a number of classes across the region. The vast majority of the teenage populace is still in school, and this willbe expanded upon.

Quote:

Again, meh it's your story.
=D

Quote:

It was pretty good, I kind of like the character development and I'm anxious for the next chapter. But still, take your time...
Character development is key in early chapters, I think. Still, it needs some action. *strokes beard*

SINCE WHEN DID I HAVE AN EFFING BEARD?!?! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! *runs in circles, screaming*

All in all, thank you for taking the time to review! I hope I can keep you interested!

ANARCHit3cht July 5th, 2009 7:16 PM

I rather like it, the bones were a bit bare though. But, as you said, there would be more meat in the next chapters.

Well, I don't really have much crit to offer, except this:

http://www.blushingbuyer.co.uk/product_images/Medium/990909%3BWarehouse%3BWarehouse.jpg

Use Nair hair removal products, they are the best n,n.

Groudony dude:

Quote:

Too much childhood friend action. Your fic so meh...0_o
Too much childhood friend action? I'd say not.

Quote:

Should be three of his trusted lieutenants. Doesn't make sense if he trusts other people's lieutenants.
That is implied, and anyone with half a brain could figure it out.

P.S. I'll give you a bottle of hair removal cream for a muse catching cage. Deal?

Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 7:53 PM

Thank you for reviewing! Yes, there will be more in the next chapters. C1 is setting the scene.

And I'll take that deal.

Bay July 5th, 2009 8:29 PM

Spoiler:
Want to say first though interesting that we'll get a backstory of Tyson from Torn. Yes, I have read it, but I still need to go review that story. XD Wanna say real quick though I like his character in that one shot and I think I'll like him even more in this story. :)


Hm, the prologue I'm a little confused how that is going to connect this story as a whole. Then again, this is just the beginning. XD

I'm already loving Tyson here. Besides him considering university (although I have an idea what he wants to study :P), I love how you put he loves to read crime thrillers. Me too. XD My favorite suspense story is Mystic River, heh. Both Alexis and Haley look like cool characters too, so I can't wait to see how you'll develop them.

I too am skeptical over why the government cares about the Pokemon League too, but you already talked to Neo Groundon about that, so I'll wait and see what plans you have for that. Another thing is why the teenagers don't start out their Pokemon journey at a younger age (anime canon has the starting age at ten while game and manga canon not really a set age but they still start somehwhere in their pre-teens). I guess part of the reason though is the whole government/Pokemon League deal. Oh gosh, I think I'm way over myself. XD

Anyways, great start on the first chapter and can't wait for the next one. I'll review your one shot eventually, promise! ^^;

Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 8:37 PM

Thanks, Bay. With Tyson, I wanted to give my main character some aspirations other than "I wanna be the very best/Like no-one ever was". I won't say what he wants to study, but I'll keep dropping clues. And the other problems I'm trying to overcome are "Bye love! Just go out into the wild with a chicken/mudfish/turtle/whatever for company! Just drop in every now and again!" and the whole "Of course I'm willing to leave behind everything I ever knew to go running around the countryside with barely ten years of life experience!", not to mention "Yes, it's perfectly safe to let TEN-YEAR-OLDS run around the country. There are no safety issues whatsoever!"

All the same thing, really. As for Alexis and Haley, they will play major roles, yes ;D
ur review has been reviewed

delongbi July 5th, 2009 9:22 PM

Hmm, this was interesting.

What I liked:

1. Good grammar :)
2. Explanations- I really think you did a great job explaining the whole Pokemon journey. Your idea makes the journey reasonable.
3. Prologue- Very cool. I'd like to see where you take this.

What I did not love:

1. Relationships- Maybe it is just me, but I found it slightly strange that Tyson and Haley get along so well, especially because you made a point of mentioning how different Tyson and Haley are. I have siblings, and while we are close, we argue often. In addition, I thought it was strange that Alexis got along so well with both Tyson and Haley. Again, I can only speak from experience, but while I will often tolerate my brother's friends, I would not consider myself a friend.
2. The maths thing (instead of math)... sorry. I know it is just because I am from America...

Overall, I think you are off to a great start! Keep it up!

Misheard Whisper July 5th, 2009 9:30 PM

Thanks, delongbi! I have to say, I'm just sick of seeing arguing siblings, (including my own) and Tyson and Haley are intended to illustrate the fact that being different is no barrier to a relationship. And the building up of the relationships between the five (yes, five) main characters will be a major part of the story, bordering on being the focus. Lame excuse, sorry.

And the math/maths thing . . . it's like color/colour and so on. Just international preference. I know a large portion of members are American, so I originally tried to Americanise (not -ize) everything, but there were too many inconsistencies. Sorry about that. But thank you for reviewing!

Giratina ♀ July 6th, 2009 6:03 AM

There's no need to translate into Americanian for us. ^^ Most people are able to understand what you meant even if you did use a different spelling of the word. It's only a few letters, really. (To be honest, I'm an American and I occasionally use British spellings...) But yes, the siblings-getting-along-perfectly thing was kind of off-setting. Maybe if you didn't mention that they always get along well but rather let us see for ourselves it would seem slightly less... uh... 'jarring', I guess.

dark_giratina July 6th, 2009 7:29 AM

A good chapter.It was a bit dialoguey and not really much mention of pokemon but it was god that you had other subjects in the school, not just a load of rubbish about pokemon statuses and other stuff. :)

Misheard Whisper July 6th, 2009 11:25 AM

@Giratinasaur: You are right, that probably was a bit awkward. This will all undergo a major rewrite once it's finished, so I'll change that then.

@dark giratina: There was lots of dialogue, but it was kind of necessary. The next chapter will be a bit like that as well. As long as it flows naturally, though, I'm happy with it. Thank you for reviewing!

Ibuberu July 7th, 2009 1:10 AM

Quote:

The sun dawned brightly on Sunyshore City, as it did every morning. Pokémon, as per usual, were the first ones awake, immediately springing into life, followed shortly afterward by shrieking children. Bleary-eyed adults stumbled out of bed quite some time later, wishing they were still asleep, while the children and Pokémon played frantic, loud games around the house. Such was the scene in many family households across the city.
I like this starting. It opens up the story perfectly at a moderate pace, instead of just thrusting us straight into it.

Quote:

Although they were polar opposites in personality, they were as close as any two siblings could be. They’d lived together for fourteen years, after all.
I like the twist you did with the siblings. Most brothers/sisters tend to be comedic duos that shout and irritate one another. You chose to go another way and I like it. Showing how two vastly different people can stilll be really close is a great thing that can be represented by these two lively characters.


Quote:

Over breakfast, the topic of discussion ranged just as widely as always; from the latest Pokémon League challenger to the annoying DJ on the local radio station, from last week’s maths test to the weather.
I like this small, but very significant detail you added. It portrays how their family is pretty normal, and allows the reader to relate with them much easier.


Quote:

“Yes, I saw that,” said Tyson, nodding thoughtfully. “Tore Cianwood City to pieces, didn’t it?”

“Yes, it did,” confirmed Haley, “but they evacuated everyone a couple of days ago. Only a few people were killed. It would have been a lot worse if they hadn’t found out about it when they did.”

Tyson gazed thoughtfully out of the window.
Though 2 lines of text separate the sentences, I couldn't help but notice that you repeated two words within 4 lines of text. Try substituting words next time to show off a wider range of vocabulary, that really draws the reader in. You could possibly start referring to Tyson as 'the male', 'the young boy', 'the worried brother', etc. There are many ways to describe him, but I notice that you've just been using 'Tyson' most of the time.


Quote:

“I see your point,” she said slowly, “-but why the sudden change in philosophy? You’re starting to sound like me!” she laughed.

“I practically am you,” Tyson said, laughing as well, “-remember?”
I think a '-' is appropriate here. Because her sentence was cut off after that comma.


Quote:

The heavy conversation degenerated into helpless laughter.
I'm not sure if degeneration should be used here, since usually it means de-volving and all that, right? 'Evolved' sounds more light-hearted. Of course, it could just be me :3

Quote:

By the time the trio reached school at twenty past eleven, the conversation had all but died out. Tyson was mumbling to himself about algebra, Haley was lost in cloud-cuckoo land, and Alexis was walking awkwardly between them, glancing from one to the other.
This paragraph seems to be missing something, which I think is the description of the school. We can't imagine our characters without a setting, right? :3


Quote:

“Thank you,” he said briskly, dashing off toward his first class. “I’ll see you guys in Pokémon Studies!” he called over his shoulder. “I have to be at Maths five minutes early!” Before either of the girls could reply, he was gone.
In this paragraph, I feel that the speech is too cluttered, it might look neater if you separate them from each other.

Quote:

“Thank you,” he said briskly, dashing off toward his first class. “I’ll see you guys in Pokémon Studies!” he called over his shoulder.

“I have to be at Maths five minutes early!” Before either of the girls could reply, he was gone.
^ Something like that? Its up to you, really (:

Quote:

“Silence, please!” Mr Jay’s voice rang out from the front of the room. All chatter immediately ceased. A stout little man with a suit and tie, Mr Jay was well respected by his pupils. He didn’t need to shout. When he said jump, they jumped. “Today, we have a very important guest. Now, I presume that most of you are aware that the staff have been occupied this morning with a conference of vital importance?” Most of the class nodded. “Well, you are about to find out why. Without further ado, I present to you Dr. Goldstein of the Pokémon League!”
Here's another case where the speech is all squished together, making it hard for the reader to distinguish speech from action. You may want to break up this paragraph.


Quote:

“Good morning, everyone,” he said. His voice was deep and gravelly; it sounded as if had a large piece of sandpaper lodged in his throat. “I am Dr. Goldstein. I represent the Pokémon League.” The class remained silent. Mr Jay had told them as much. “I am here this afternoon to present to you the Pokémon League’s latest initiative, a joint project with the Ministry of Education,” he continued, droning on as if he was simply reciting lines spoken a thousand times. “In response to the Pokémon League’s lack of challengers, the Ministry of Education has agreed to allow students to undertake an extended field trip of sorts. This will allow you to travel around Sinnoh, experience new things, learn about Pokémon and gain valuable knowledge that will serve you well throughout your life.”
'it sounded as if a large piece of sandpaper had been lodged in his throat'?

Oh, and I think there's too much speech here too. But the final call is from you, of course :3


Quote:

“He sounds like he’s swallowed a textbook,” Tyson whispered. Alexis nodded in silent agreement, but Haley was gazing thoughtfully at the doctor, completely focused, for once, on what was being said.
I couldn't help but smile at what Tyson said XD;


Overall Comments :

I like the starting, especially the prologue. It sort of hints that something epic might happen later on in the story. The title 'Shattered' itself, is already thought-provoking :3

There were many award-winning aspects in your story. Namely - the grammer, the plot itself, and the characters. Personally, I feel that your vocabulary could be improved slightly. Try using thesaurus.com whenever you write a chapter, it helps out a whole lot (: The grammer was mostly flawless, the plot was very unique and actually made sense. Of course, the Pokémon League may have underlying motives.. Hmmm. I also loved Tyson's character. Serious and practical, the fact that he actually paused and thought 'Hmm, should I go for it? I have a future to think about.' was what really appealed to me and made me like him a whole lot. Instead of being a thoughtless teenager who blindly charges, he actually considers first.

Of course, so far, we've only seen these 3 characters to be very warm and nice, I do hope that they have their bad sides too. Flaws are what complete a character, after all :3 I don't mind the huge amount of dialogue. If anything, it helps to push the story along. However, I'm still not too keen about you scrunching them together. But that may be just me (:

I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!

Misheard Whisper July 7th, 2009 1:36 AM

Thanks for your review! I'm working on the whole dialogue thing - and trust me, there will be flaws. Oh yes, there will be flaws. *evil laugh*

Um, I can't really see what you're getting at. 'I see your point, but why the sudden change in philosophy?' is a single sentence, and doesn't really need the hyphen there, does it?

Misheard Whisper July 9th, 2009 4:30 PM

Chapter 2: Revolution Begins
 
Chapter 2


Revolution Begins



June 14, 2000


On the way home from school, Haley was deep in thought. The prospect of a Pokémon Journey was highly exciting, but . . . if Tyson wasn’t going, she didn’t want to either. It just wouldn’t be the same without him.

“So, Tyson,” she said. “Have you thought any more about the Pokémon Journey?” Tyson grimaced slightly.

“Yes, I have,” he said. “What do you think I was doing all through Pokémon Studies? You think I was listening or something?”

“No,” she said, “but you were awfully quiet. So . . . have you made a decision yet?” Tyson sighed.

“No, Haley, I haven’t. I – I can’t. Not yet. I need to . . . talk about it, and look at both sides of the equation, you know?”

“Alright,” said Haley matter-of-factly. “On the one side, you go on the journey of a lifetime, raise Pokémon, meet new people, see new places and learn so much as you go along. On the other hand, you can be stuck in school for another three and a half years doing geometry and physics.”

“When you put it that way, there’s no contest,” he smiled uneasily. “But you know I have to stay in school, Haley. You know I can’t get into university if I drop out now! And I hardly think this Pokémon Journey is going to be wrapped up within a couple of months.” Please, his eyes begged her, don’t do this to me. Haley could tell that he was struggling, and felt sorry for him. He so badly wanted to do both, but undertaking one course would mean forfeiting the other.

“Just think about it. We’ll get Mum and Dad to go to Goldstein’s seminar, and we can all talk about it afterwards. OK?”

“OK,” he mumbled, although he didn’t look that happy about the prospect. He then fell silent, and didn’t say a word all the way home.

When they got home, Tyson muttered a distracted hello to his mother before dumping his bag and disappearing off to his room.

“What’s his problem?” Elizabeth asked in concern.

“Well, Mum,” said Haley. “It’s a long story.”

“Oh?” she asked. “Carry on.” Taking a deep breath, Haley began. She recounted Dr. Goldstein’s visit and Tyson’s dilemma. Digging in her bag, she retrieved the glossy booklet and handed it to her mother. Haley watched in silence as Elizabeth skimmed through the booklet.

“Hmm,” she said finally, closing the booklet and putting it carefully aside.

“And?” Haley asked eagerly.

“You want to go, of course?”

“Yes, very much,” agreed Haley. Elizabeth sighed, leaning heavily on the kitchen bench.

“Well,” she said, “we’ll need to discuss this with your father, of course. And what Tyson wants to do needs to be taken into account as well. What did you say about a seminar, love?”

“Dr. Goldstein is speaking tonight, down at the school auditorium. He said he was going to explain the program in greater depth and answer any questions.”

“That’s good,” said Elizabeth thoughtfully. “I’ll call your father and get him to meet me there. Do you know what time it’s supposed to be?”

“I think it was in the booklet somewhere,” said Haley slowly.

“OK, then. You go and do some homework now, love. I’ll call your father.”

“OK. Thanks, Mum!” She drifted off absently, her mind on anything but homework.

Half an hour later, however, she realised she couldn’t ignore it. Regretfully tossing Legendary Pokémon of Hoenn onto her bed, she pulled out her Pokémon Studies textbook and turned to the page Mr Jay had set them for that day. Interestingly enough, it was the start of a chapter called ‘Pokémon Trainers – Means and Methods’. Shaking her head, Haley glanced at the questions.

1. Describe, in your own words, the necessary steps for capturing a wild Pokémon.
2. What are the Three Rules of Pokémon Training?
3. In your opinion, is it best for a new Trainer to start with a strong or a weak Pokémon? Justify your answer.

“You cheeky old man,” she muttered, trying not to laugh. How apt that Mr Jay had set them this page on this particular day. It was no coincidence, that was for sure.

The first question was easy. They had covered Basic Pokémon Capture Methods just last week. Reading the second question again, Haley scribbled down the Three Rules, the unwritten laws one must abide by to be a real Pokémon Trainer. Always be vigilant. Always be honourable. Always be true. That last one, Mr Jay had explained, could be interpreted in different ways. Be true to your friends. Be true to your Pokémon. Be true to yourself. Mr Jay was a stickler for philosophy and virtues.

Tyson scoffed at it. As long as he got the job done, he wasn’t too worried about the means. Haley didn’t think he’d go for anything too extreme, but still . . .

In your opinion, is it best for a new Trainer to start with a strong or a weak Pokémon? Justify your answer.

That one was difficult. Logically, it would be better to start with a strong Pokémon; it would be easier to win battles that way. But what if the Pokémon realised that its Trainer was inexperienced, and decided that it didn’t have to listen? Then a Trainer would effectively be left with no Pokémon at all. No, she decided, a less powerful Pokémon would be better.

Tyson would prefer a strong Pokémon, she knew. It would definitely appeal to his practical nature. But what if . . . what if he never got the chance to choose? What if he decided university was the path for him after all?

Shaking her head, she began writing down her answer. As she was doing so, there was a knock on her bedroom door. Elizabeth poked her head in.

“The seminar starts at five, so I’ll be going now, love. I’ll see you in a couple of hours. If you guys are hungry, there are leftovers in the fridge. Make sure you lock the door behind me, and don’t unlock it unless it’s your father and I. Don’t-”

“Mum!” Haley interrupted her. Elizabeth smiled.

“Sorry. Bye, love.”

“Bye, Mum.”

As soon as she was sure her mother had gone, Haley slammed her textbook shut and went across the hallway to Tyson’s room. Peeking in, she saw Tyson lying stretched out on his bed, his nose buried in The Hound of the Baskervilles. He closed the book when he saw her, however, sitting up to look at her.

“Well?” he asked.

“Well what?” she replied.

“You obviously came in here to say something. What is it?” he pressed. Haley sighed, steeling herself.

“Look, I know this is hard for you. And I just wanted to say that if you don’t want to go on the Pokémon Journey . . . if you want to stay and go to university . . . that’s OK with me,” she said finally. Tyson’s eyes widened slightly.

“You . . . you don’t mind?” he asked in disbelief.

“Not at all,” she lied hollowly. In truth, she wanted nothing more than for her brother to come on the Pokémon Journey with her, but . . . the relief that was evident on his face, no matter how he tried to hide it, was enough to tell her she’d made the right decision. Without saying another word, she left the room, closing the door quickly behind her. Once she was back in her own room, she locked her own door and flopped down on the bed.

I can’t believe I said that. She just couldn’t. Ever since she had heard of the concept – they’d been doing it in Kanto for about forty years now – wandering freely across the country with Pokémon had been her dream. There were many things she wanted to do in life, but they were mere fancies, shifting with the breeze. The Pokémon Journey was what she had envisioned herself doing for the last ten years.

But in each of those happy daydreams, Tyson had been right there with her, just as happy as she was to be on the journey. But now . . . she wasn’t sure if that was ever going to become a reality. Tyson had his heart set on going to university, she knew. He wanted to go on the Pokémon Journey. She knew that, too. But his desire to wander around Sinnoh with his sister and Pokémon obviously wasn’t as strong as his desire to undertake tertiary education.

Haley would have liked to think she understood that, but in all honesty, she couldn’t. A single tear trickled down her cheek as she tried to imagine what life would be like without her brother. She brushed it away angrily. What am I, a little girl? But Tyson had been there for fourteen years. If he suddenly wasn’t there at all, what would she do?

“Pull yourself together,” she mumbled angrily. Picking up Legendary Pokémon of Hoenn again, she tried valiantly to put the thought from her mind. Just for a couple of hours.


***


At precisely ten minutes to five, Elizabeth Bach spotted her husband wending his way toward her through the crowd of parents waiting anxiously outside the school auditorium, a blocky, red-brick building with a green roof. There were only about fifty people there, but the courtyard was small, and everyone was bunched up together. Add to that the fact that everyone was brandishing glossy booklets and seemingly attempting to take up as much space as possible, however, and the space was incredibly full.

Jacob Bach, however, was a big man, standing head and shoulders above some of the other parents. By virtue of his height and Sunyshore Police uniform, he easily carved a path through the throng to his wife.

“So tell me, love,” he said as he reached her, “what’s this all about?” Elizabeth hadn’t had time to explain everything on the phone. She handed him the booklet silently. He took it and glanced at the front cover.

“The Pokémon Journey Program,” he muttered thoughtfully as he skimmed through the booklet. Before he could finish it, however, Dr. Goldstein appeared in the doorway of the auditorium and beckoned everyone inside.

“Please step inside, ladies and gentlemen,” he said. “The seminar is about to begin!” The crowd slowly filtered through the tiny doorway and found their seats. Dr. Goldstein took his place at the front of the room.

“Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you the Pokémon Journey Project!”


***


Haley was still reading when her parents got home. Upon hearing the door open, she eagerly dropped her book and raced to the kitchen, momentarily forgetting about Tyson.

“So?” she asked. Her father glanced at her, bemused.

“So what?” he asked.

“What did you think?” Her parents glanced at each other.

“I’m not sure, love,” Elizabeth said, but before she could continue, she was cut off.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea!” declared Jacob happily. Elizabeth glared at him. “Oops, was I not supposed to say that?”

“No, you weren’t,” she said stiffly. “Sit down, you two troublemakers, and I’ll go and get Tyson. We all need to talk about this,” she said, pushing them both into chairs around the table. As soon as she had left, Haley spoke up.

“What did you say you thought?” she asked keenly.

“I think it’s great!” Jacob said enthusiastically. “It’s just what you kids need. Your mother isn’t so sure about it, though. We’ll have to work on that.”

“Work on what?” Elizabeth asked suspiciously as she entered the room, Tyson trailing behind her. Haley’s stomach dropped slightly at the reluctant look on Tyson’s face.

“Nothing,” they said simultaneously as Tyson sat down. She shook her head and remained standing.

“First off, I have to say it sounded particularly dubious to start with.” Jacob started to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him. “But! After listening to Dr. Goldstein, I have to admit that it sounds alright. There will be security precautions in place, which of course was my main concern.”

“What kind of security precautions?” Haley asked.

“You’d be travelling in groups of three, with an experienced Trainer along as well, to act as guardian and mentor. I must say, it would put my mind at rest if I knew there was a reliable adult along.”

“So you’re going to let us do it?” Haley asked eagerly.

“Absolu-”

Jacob!

“Right, sorry.”

“Anyway, love, I want you two to think very carefully about this. This is a huge decision that could very well define your future.” Haley took a deep breath.

“Yes, Mum. I want to do this. You know I want to do this! I’ve wanted to do this for years!” But not without Tyson.

“Are you sure you’ve thought about this, love?” Elizabeth asked sceptically. Jacob laughed.

“Of course she has! The girl knows what she wants. Atta girl, Haley!” he said happily. “And what about you, Tyson?” Tyson, who had been gazing intently at the table the whole time, lifted his head, apparently surprised at being directly addressed.

“I . . .” He stopped, swallowed, and tried again. “I want to go. But I want to get into university . . . more than I want to go. I’m sorry.” Elizabeth and Jacob glanced at each other, smiling. What’s so funny? Haley wondered.

“Actually, love, Mr Jay spoke tonight as well. He said you would in fact be carrying on your curriculum on the Pokémon Journey,” Elizabeth explained. Tyson’s eyes flickered.

“What? How?”

“He says you’ll be doing revision along the way. The League is supplying each student with a digital notebook equipped with multiple educational programs. Apparently if you do an hour a day, you’ll be able to take end-of-year exams online, overseen by your mentor to make sure you don’t cheat.” Haley saw the ghost of a smile begin to form on her brother’s face, and felt an identical grin creeping onto her own.

“You mean I can go on the Pokémon Journey . . . and still come back at the end of it and go to university?” he asked in disbelief.

“Pretty much, yes,” Jacob agreed, grinning broadly.

“Are you sure that’d be . . . enough?” Tyson asked uncertainly. “I mean, do you think it would qualify as an education? An hour a day seems awfully fishy . . .”

“You can do more if you want,” Jacob chuckled.

“I didn’t think of that,” Tyson mused. “Still, I want to think about it. Like you said, it’s a huge decision.”

“Don’t take too long,” said Haley, who had been reading the booklet Elizabeth had dropped on the table when she came in.

“Why not?” asked Tyson, confused. Haley slid the booklet across the table toward him, tapping a particular line as she did so.

“Says here they want permission in by tomorrow.” Tyson’s eyes grew wide.

“Oh,” he said in a small voice. “I see.” He turned to look at his parents. “What do you think?” he asked.

“If you want to do it, love, we’ve got all the paperwork right here,” Elizabeth said, tapping a stack of paper on the bench behind her. Tyson took a deep breath. Come on, Tyson! Haley urged him silently. He was still looking uncertain. You have to do it! For me. Please? she begged him silently, even though there was no way he could hear her.

Tyson glanced across the table at her, still looking uncertain. But as she gazed at him pleadingly, she saw a shift in his eyes. They became less unsure, and more . . . determined.

“OK,” he said. “I’m doing it.”


***


“Everything is as you ordered, sir,” reported Jeremiah proudly. “The subjects have been rounded up, and we’re ready to commence.” The man who he was addressing smiled humourlessly, gazing intently at Jeremiah with his flinty grey eyes.

“Good work. I will be in Sunyshore City tomorrow to begin Phase Two, but there is something I must do first. Meet me at the rendezvous point at midday.”

“Yes, sir.” Jeremiah snapped a quick salute, and, realising he was dismissed, left the room hastily.

“Good . . .” muttered the man, before rising from his chair and leaving without another word.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Citrinin July 9th, 2009 4:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
“No, Haley, I haven’t. I – I can’t. Not yet. I need to . . . talk about it, and look at both sides of the equation, you know?”

Brilliant portrayal of his unsureness and inner conflict. ^_^

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
months.”Please

Just a spacing typo here - should be "months.” Please"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Regretfully tossingLegendaryPokémon of Hoennonto

It seems like italics isn't your friend when it comes to visible spacing. ;P It should be "Regretfully tossing Legendary Pokémon of Hoenn onto".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Always be vigilant. Always be honourable. Always be true.That last one

Should be "Always be vigilant. Always be honourable. Always be true. That last one"

Since this problem is cropping up a lot, perhaps you should, when writing the story, write what you want in italics without formatting, and then highlight and italicise?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
I can’t believe I said that.She just couldn’t.

Should be "I can’t believe I said that. She just couldn’t."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Picking upLegendary Pokémon of Hoennagain

Should be "Picking up Legendary Pokémon of Hoenn again"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
he easily carved a path through the throng to his wife.

Nice bit of description. ;D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
I’ve wanted to do this for years!”But not without Tyson.

Should be "I’ve wanted to do this for years!” But not without Tyson."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Haleywondered.

Should be "Haley wondered".

All in all, a brilliant, well-paced development. The only major problem I found was with spacing, particularly where italics are involved. Good job. :D

Misheard Whisper July 9th, 2009 5:07 PM

Thanks, Citrinin. That completely escaped me. ^_^ *is bonkers* I'm glad you like the chapter. Oh, and guys? Don't forget, I can put you on the PM list if you like.

Miz en Scène July 9th, 2009 5:13 PM

This time, I’m not going to jump headfirst into grammatical corrections and plot holes because, frankly, I didn’t find that many (and because Citrinin just posted his review while I was writing this). So yeah, I still like your fic though, it gives me something to read about and look forward to. (:
Instead, I’m going to compliment this fic in my post which is something I don’t normally do at first.

Quote:

No,” she said, “but you were awfully quiet. So . . . have you made a decision yet?” Tyson sighed.

“No, Haley, I haven’t. I – I can’t. Not yet. I need to . . . talk about it, and look at both sides of the equation, you know?”

“Alright,” said Haley matter-of-factly. “On the one side, you go on the journey of a lifetime, raise Pokémon, meet new people, see new places and learn so much as you go along. On the other hand, you can be stuck in school for another three and a half years doing geometry and physics.”

“When you put it that way, there’s no contest,” he smiled uneasily. “But you know I have to stay in school, Haley. You know I can’t get into university if I drop out now! And I hardly think this Pokémon Journey is going to be wrapped up within a couple of months.”Please,his eyes begged her, don’t do this to me. Haley could tell that he was struggling, and felt sorry for him. He so badly wanted to do both, but undertaking one course would mean forfeiting the other.
Tyson’s character has really developed over these past few chapters. Honestly, I’m impressed, not many writers pull this of so splendidly. To me, it shows Tyson’s character as the methodical and more mature one of the two.

Quote:

“OK. Thanks, Mum!” She drifted off absently, her mind on anything but homework.
Lulz, that’s so typical, this happens to me sometimes too… XD

Quote:

The first question was easy. They had covered Basic Pokémon Capture Methods just last week. Reading the second question again, Haley scribbled down the Three Rules, the unwritten laws one must abide by to be a real Pokémon Trainer. Always be vigilant. Always be honourable. Always be true.That last one, Mr Jay had explained, could be interpreted in different ways. Be true to your friends. Be true to your Pokémon. Be true to yourself. Mr Jay was a stickler for philosophy and virtues.
To me, this part was somewhat okay but still, it would be quite cliché to let your fic revolve around these three unwritten laws.
Spoiler:
(Like that Lego bionicle thing)

That is to say, if Tyson did something bad during the journey and Haley just started spouting out this random crap. XD

Quote:

“The seminar starts at five, so I’ll be going now, love. I’ll see you in a couple of hours. If you guys are hungry, there are leftovers in the fridge. Make sure you lock the door behind me, and don’t unlock it unless it’s your father and I. Don’t-”

“Mum!” Haley interrupted her. Elizabeth smiled.

“Sorry. Bye, love.”
Perfect view of the overprotective mother. XD

Quote:

As soon as she was sure her mother had gone, Haley slammed her textbook shut and went across the hallway to Tyson’s room. Peeking in, she saw Tyson lying stretched out on his bed, his nose buried inThe Hound of the Baskervilles. He closed the book when he saw her, however, sitting up to look at her.

“Well?” he asked.

“Well what?” she replied.

“You obviously came in here to say something. What is it?” he pressed. Haley sighed, steeling herself.

“Look, I know this is hard for you. And I just wanted to say that if you don’t want to go on the Pokémon Journey . . . if you want to stay and go to university . . . that’s OK with me,” she said finally. Tyson’s eyes widened slightly.

“You . . . you don’t mind?” he asked in disbelief.
Perfect twist on brother sister relationships by the way.

Quote:

“Actually, love, Mr Jay spoke tonight as well. He said you would in fact be carrying on your curriculum on the Pokémon Journey,” Elizabeth explained. Tyson’s eyes flickered.

“What? How?”

“He says you’ll be doing revision along the way. The League is supplying each student with a digital notebook equipped with multiple educational programs. Apparently if you do an hour a day, you’ll be able to take end-of-year exams online, overseen by your mentor to make sure you don’t cheat.” Haley saw the ghost of a smile begin to form on her brother’s face, and felt an identical grin creeping onto her own.

“You mean I can go on the Pokémon Journey . . . and still come back at the end of it and go to university?” he asked in disbelief.

“Pretty much, yes,” Jacob agreed, grinning broadly.

“Are you sure that’d be . . . enough?” Tyson asked uncertainly. “I mean, do you think it would qualify as an education? An hour a day seems awfully fishy . . .”
Don’t you just love these moments, when someone surprises you with something good… XD

Overall, a pretty good story and I’m looking forward to more. However, the philosophy in this fic is pretty deep (unlike most others) hmmm *strokes beard*.
What the hell, you’ve infected me with your freaking beard! *throws it back to Sparkling Dragon, screaming*
XD.

Misheard Whisper July 9th, 2009 6:01 PM

Thanks for your review, and I'm glad you're enjoying this. No, rest assured this will not revolve around the Three Laws. They may come into play, but at this point they're just filler, really.

Ah! Beard! *runs away screaming to hide behind Shinji-kun* Save me!
Shinji: You're pathetic.

Bay July 10th, 2009 8:23 PM

I say you did Haley’s perspective well here. You really developed her character really well there, I can really feel the emotions there. :D Also, I just love Jacob here. I wish my dad is like him! XD

There’s one thing I want to mention, though.

Quote:

“Oh,” he said in a small voice. “I see.” He turned to look at his parents. “What do you think?” he asked.

“If you want to do it, love, we’ve got all the paperwork right here,” Elizabeth said, tapping a stack of paper on the bench behind her. Tyson took a deep breath.

“OK,” he said. “I’m doing it.”
This part I felt you could expand a lot. Here I think you could have Haley be all tense and wonder if her brother will go through this and also try to pick that up by his facial expressions. After Tyson gives his answer, show how she’s all happy and such.

Nothing else to say but I enjoyed this chapter a lot and a good setup for what’s to come. :) Can’t wait next chapter!

Legendarian Mistress July 12th, 2009 3:39 PM

Thus begins my review…

Quote:

LegendaryPokémon of Hoenn
Quote:

LegendaryPokémon
Shouldn’t that be Legendary Pokémon, my friend?

That was the only major mistake I saw. Other than that, the fic so far is quite good. I really liked the last scene in Chapter 2. Sets the atmosphere up quite nicely.

Misheard Whisper July 12th, 2009 8:50 PM

Thanks to both of you for your reviews.

@Bay, duly noted. I will fix that once I finish Chapter 3, WHICH SHOULD BE UP ALREADY! *kicks self* Oh well, I have another 7 hours and 13 minutes of Monday left.

@Kyuu-chan, fixed; thanks for pointing that out. Italics really does not translate well to BBCode, especially when one must go through and remove all formatting before manually re-italicising everything that needs to be italicised. /endrant. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, though. After all, why else would I be writing it? ^_~

Ibuberu July 13th, 2009 2:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon (Post 4826404)

Um, I can't really see what you're getting at. 'I see your point, but why the sudden change in philosophy?' is a single sentence, and doesn't really need the hyphen there, does it?

Hmm, I get your point, since we usually use a hyphen when a person stops midway in a sentence and then continues. In this case, she didn't stop midway, but you broke the one sentence into two by adding the 'she said slowly' in between them.

So it was originally :
“I see your point,” she said slowly, “but why the sudden change in philosophy?

And then there's :
“I see your point,” she said slowly, “-but why the sudden change in philosophy?

Personally I feel that the second sentence looks better than the first one, since the 'hyphen' acts as a joining point between the two speeches. Of course, its up to you :3

Yup. Yup. I'll be reviewing the chapter you just posted up soon, then.

Misheard Whisper July 13th, 2009 12:32 PM

Hmm . . . I was never taught that rule, but you seem to know what you're about, so I decided to go look it up. From a reliable source, go here and look at rule #4, or even Wikipedia-
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wikipedia
When quoted text is interrupted, such as with the phrase he said, a closing quotation mark is used before the interruption, and an opening quotation mark after. Commas are also often used before and after the interruption, more often for quotations of speech than for quotations of text:
“HAL,” noted Frank, “said that everything was going extremely well.”

-although Wikipe-tan is hardly reliable, as we all know.

Yeah, um. I haven't actually seen any author use a hyphen after a speech break. Nor has anyone suggested I do so until now. I'm confused, then.

Misheard Whisper July 13th, 2009 2:10 PM

Chapter 3 - Today
 
Here we go! Better late than never, right?


Chapter 3
Today

June 15, 2000


“What do you mean it’s happening today?” Haley shrieked. Tyson blinked.

“I mean it’s happening today. They’re starting the Pokémon Journey Project this afternoon.” Haley put her hands on her head and squeezed.

“I cannot believe this!” she wailed, pacing around the room in agitation as Tyson watched calmly from the doorway. “They certainly haven’t wasted any time!”

“Mum faxed in the paperwork last night,” Tyson explained. “They replied saying it was all verified, and would be starting at three-thirty this afternoon. It’s all a bit fishy, if you ask me. How would they have done it so fast?”

“This is an experiment, remember?” Haley reminded him. “They’ll have had this planned out for ages, so they were probably just waiting for the permission forms and everything before they got it started.”

“Even so . . .” Tyson said uncertainly.

“Oh, stop making such a fuss about it!” she reprimanded him good-naturedly.

Never mind the fact that you were making a fuss about it just a few seconds ago, Tyson thought to himself. Shaking his head, he left her to fret over it and went to get breakfast.


***


First period that day was Pokémon Studies, and naturally everyone was buzzing with excitement over the Pokémon Journey Project. The only one not talking when Tyson and Haley arrived was Alexis, who immediately came over to them, a huge grin on her face.

“I’m doing it!” she exclaimed. “Mum and Dad were absolutely OK with it! Can you believe that?”

“Really?” asked Haley. “I’ve met your parents. They always seemed, I dunno . . . overprotective?”

“Yeah, I know. I never thought I’d be able to convince them, but it turned out they wanted me to do something like this!”

“That doesn’t sound like them,” said Tyson, frowning. “Did they explain why they were suddenly OK with this sort of thing?”

“Dad said something about me finally growing up, if you can imagine that. Mum . . . well, Mum just went along with it. It’s crazy, but isn’t it great?” she cried.

Leaving Haley and Alexis squealing happily, Tyson wandered off to try and seek solace. None was forthcoming. Upon reaching his seat, he found that all he could do was put his head on his desk and his hands over his ears in a semi-successful attempt to block out the chaos.

It still feels rushed, he told himself. They only gave one day’s warning. That’s ludicrous. It’s like they’re putting pressure on us to make sure we don’t think it through. But that was absurd in itself. Why would the Pokémon League – and the government, for that matter – want to do that? Maybe they just wanted to get it underway, seeing as they'd obviously been working on this for a long time. That would be it.

“All right! Volume . . . off!” Mr Jay proclaimed as he strode into the room. There was a sudden scramble as everyone claimed their seats, then silence. “All right, then,” he said, rubbing his hands together, “let’s get started. Today, I want to discuss the Pokémon Journey Program. Dr. Goldstein will explain how things are going to work this afternoon, but he’s asked me to go over some of the smaller details so that it doesn’t take hours this afternoon.

“Now, as I am sure you are all aware by now, you will be travelling in groups of three, along with an experienced Trainer who will act as mentor and guardian. I have already determined these groups,” he said, drawing a moan from the class, “according to two factors: who I know you will work best with, and who I think you can learn something new from. These groups will be announced this afternoon. I will say now that no discussion will be entered into! You will be divided into your groups, and you will meet your mentor. He or she will discuss with you what you need to bring and go over some of the finer details. Tomorrow morning, you will begin your Pokémon Journey.” Crossing to his desk, he pulled out a large cardboard box from behind it.

“In here,” he explained, “are twenty-five laptops. Each of these is specially fitted for the purpose of maintaining your curriculum, as well as certain . . . other features that you may find useful. Ah, Matthew, could you help me hand these out?” Matthew, a lean, sulky-looking boy in the front row, reluctantly stood up and started removing smaller boxes from the large one. Within a couple of minutes, everyone in the class had one.

“Well, go on, then!” Mr Jay said, gesturing impatiently at the boxes. “Take a look! Why did you think I gave them to you, to use as doorstops?” Tyson glanced at Haley, who was already unpacking hers eagerly. Shaking his head, he followed suit.

He couldn’t suppress a sudden intake of breath as the machine slid from its box. Sleek and crimson, with a butter-yellow stripe running across the lid, it was a work of art in itself. Lifting the lid, he pressed what he assumed to be the power button, a small blue Poké Ball logo. The screen flashed to life instantly, screeds of code running across it, too fast for the eye to follow. Glancing across, he saw that Haley’s computer was doing the same, and beyond her, Alexis’.

‘NEW USER IDENTIFIED’ flashed up on the screen suddenly, startling him. ‘PLEASE INSERT HEADPHONES’. Tyson dug around in the box for a few seconds before he found them. Glancing again at the message on the screen, he plugged them in to a small jack on the side of the computer where they seemed to fit, before uncoiling the earpieces and inserting them. ‘THANK YOU’ appeared on the computer screen, before it went blank completely. All that was left was whiteness. Looking sideways again, he saw Haley also wearing headphones. When she saw him looking, she shrugged and turned her attention back to her computer screen.

“Good morning, user,” said a cool, female voice. “Please speak clearly into the microphone at the top of the screen.” At this point, a blinking blue arrow appeared in the middle of the screen, pointing up. Looking to where it was pointing, Tyson saw a small indent marked with a stylised representation of a microphone.

“Er . . . hello?” he tried.

“Voice check complete. Microphone is in full working order. Please state your name.”

“Tyson,” he said, frowning.

“Your full name, please,” the voice prompted calmly.

“Tyson Bach,” he clarified.

“Thank you, Tyson,” it said. “Searching database for ‘Tyson Bach’ now. Please wait.” A spinning Poké Ball icon appeared where the arrow had been a few seconds ago – apparently some sort of ‘please wait’ signal akin to the hourglass on his computer at home.

While he waited, he pulled one headphone out of his ear and tapped Haley on the shoulder, who followed suit.

“Isn’t this neat?” she asked excitedly. “It talks!”

“Lots of computers talk,” Tyson demurred, “but these seem to have some sort of advanced speech recognition tech. Usually you have to spend hours ‘teaching’ a computer your voice, pitch and intonation before it can recognise even the most basic commands, and even then, it’s unreliable. I wouldn’t expect it to be able to repeat a name after hearing it just once, either.”

“Uh . . . sure,” said Haley, evidently not understanding a word. “But it’s still cool!”

“Search complete,” chimed the computer in his ear. Quickly putting his other headphone back in, Tyson returned his attention to the screen. To his surprise, a rotating 3-D image of himself filled half the screen; various pieces of personal information assembled themselves into a mini-biography on the other half. Name, age, height, all the usual, but looking a little closer . . .

“Favourite food, shoe size, sports played . . .” he muttered to himself. “Whoa . . .”

“Are you impressed, Tyson?” the computer asked. If he didn’t know better, he would have said it sounded faintly amused.

“Can you . . . understand me?” he asked.

“Of course,” it said somewhat smugly. “My artificial intelligence is sufficiently advanced to comprehend multiple languages, dialects and expressions.”

“Well,” he said softly, his mind racing. “Isn’t that something?”

“Certainly. My logic base indicates that were it not something, it would have to be nothing. Something cannot be nothing; only the essence of nothing itself has this capability. Ergo, you would have theoretically created a paradox were your statement incorrect. As paradoxes are physically impossible, you would be correct to surmise that it was something.” Tyson raised an eyebrow.

“Could you . . . not do that?” he asked weakly. “I don’t need everything I say analysed, OK?”

“Certainly.” Tyson took a deep breath.

“OK. So what else can you do?” he asked, curious.

“My primary function is to assist you throughout your Pokémon Journey by keeping you up to date with your academic education. I possess multiple programs designed to teach you appropriate techniques in mathematics, science, and to a lesser extent, English. I also have many resources if you wish to study history, as well as advanced art and music programs.”

“Impressive,” Tyson said, and he meant it. “You’re quite the machine.”

“Really?” it asked. “Thank you. I also have a videophone function, a Pokédex function, GPS capabilities and multiple smaller programs that do not need to be discussed now.” Tyson nodded silently. He’d have to explore the capabilities of this computer. The possibilities were almost intimidating.

“All right!” Mr Jay’s voice broke into his musings. “Computers . . . off! You have one minute to complete whatever it is you were doing before I move on. Go, go, go!”

“Microphone indicates that I am requested to power down within sixty seconds,” said the computer. “Will that be all for now, Tyson?”

“Er . . . yes,” he said. “I think so.”

“Thank you!” it said brightly, before the screen turned totally black. Closing the lid softly, he carefully slid the laptop back into its packaging.

“Wow,” breathed Haley beside him. “Just wow.”

“Wow indeed,” muttered Tyson. He was, of course, just as impressed with the computer’s capabilities as his sister, if not more so. But he was more interested in the possibilities that came with the technology. There was nothing even remotely like it on the market. He had a speech recognition program at home that he used occasionally to dictate to his computer. It had taken weeks and weeks of reciting lists of words that appeared on the screen before it would work, and even then it was hardly reliable. Yet this computer had recognised his voice patterns, worked out what he was saying, and processed it within seconds. Not only that, the AI was phenomenally advanced.

“All right, people! Computers away, and make sure you take care of them! There will be no replacements!” Mr Jay warned. “Now, let me explain how things are going to happen this afternoon. When you arrive at the auditorium at three-thirty sharp, Dr. Goldstein will address you briefly. Then your mentors will come up one by one and read out their groups. Once you have your group, you will spend the rest of the afternoon with them as your mentors explain the practicalities of the project. That is, what you need to bring with you, how you need to prepare, et cetera et cetera. You will leave in the morning. Are there any questions?”

There were none. Every member of the class was occupied by the thought of the imminent Pokémon Journey. You could see the anticipation on every face. Shaking his head, Mr Jay began to chalk figures up on the whiteboard.

“Seeing as we’ve got fifteen minutes left,” he said, “we might as well try and finish our unit. Now, who has the answers from last night’s homework?”


***


At twenty-five past three, Tyson and Haley slipped into the auditorium and sat down on either side of Alexis, who had been sitting alone in the front row while the rest of the class sprawled across the middle of the seating area, chattering excitedly like a flock of Starly.

“Have you seen the mentors?” the redhead asked. “They’ve been wandering around the school for the last half an hour.”

“I saw a couple,” said Tyson. “Some of them don’t look much older than us.”

“Apparently they’re all skilled Pokémon Trainers, though,” said Alexis.

“I suppose so,” said Haley. “They’d have to be, wouldn’t they?”

“Oh no, here they come now!” squeaked Alexis. Sure enough, a line of men and women was filing into the room from a side door, led by Dr. Goldstein. While Dr. Goldstein approached the lectern in the centre of the stage, the eight or nine people who had followed him into the room sat down on a row of chairs to the side of the stage.

“Good afternoon, students,” said Dr. Goldstein, the microphone magnifying his gravelly voice unnecessarily. “We are here today to begin the Sunyshore City phase of the Pokémon Journey Project. I believe you are all aware of how this is going to work, so I will not bore you with details. I am simply going to wish you the best of luck on your Pokémon Journey; I am sure you will all do exceptionally well.” He beamed at the class. “I now invite the first of our mentors, Mr Akagi, to come to the lectern and announce his group.”

“Wouldn't it be neat if we were all in the same group?” Haley whispered.

“I don’t know if that’s going to happen,” Tyson replied. “After all, what are the odds?”

“But Mr Jay said he picked the groups according to who we’d work well with!” Alexis reminded him.

“True,” he conceded, “but also according to who he thought we could ‘learn something new from’, remember?” They lapsed into silence as Mr Akagi stepped up to the lectern. He only looked to be about twenty, with his short, spiky blue hair and slightly stocky physique. His eyes, however, made him look much older. They were a stony grey that made him look . . .

“Weird,” hissed Alexis next to him. “Do you see his eyes?”

Unsmilingly, Mr Akagi read out three names. “Damian Rae. Alexis Samuels. Jack McIntyre.” Alexis sighed.

“Well, that sucks. And I’m stuck with Jack and Damian as well!” she said, pulling a face. “Ah, well, see you guys around!” she said brightly, heading down onto the stage to meet Mr Akagi, followed by Damian and Jack. Mr Akagi nodded once, before gesturing them out through the side door he had just entered, saying something Tyson couldn’t quite hear. At the door, he turned and glanced back into the auditorium. He met Tyson’s gaze for a split second, and his eyes narrowed, before he snapped the door shut behind him.

Tyson shivered. “I really don’t like him,” he muttered to Haley.

“Really? I think he’s kinda cute,” she said absently, watching the next group being announced. Shaking his head, Tyson gazed at the door where Mr Akagi had been just a few seconds ago. Something about that man . . .

It was his eyes, Tyson decided. Those steely grey eyes scared him, and he got the distinct impression that the man himself was just as hard and uncompromising.


***


Once the door had shut behind the four of them, Mr Akagi broke into a wide smile. “That’s better,” he said. “I couldn’t breathe in there!”

Alexis exchanged a dubious glance with Damian. As much as she disliked him, she had a feeling they were all in the same boat now, and at the moment, that boat was getting really confused by this guy.

“Well,” he carried on, “you must be Alexis, yes?” he asked, looking at her. She nodded silently. “Good. Now . . .” He sized up the other two. “Which one of you is Jack and which is Damian?”

“I’m Jack,” mumbled one boy, his lanky dark hair obscuring his eyes.

“I’m Damian,” said the other, a very short boy with spiky bleach-blonde hair.

“Good!” Mr Akagi said, evidently committing their identities to memory.

“Ah . . . Mr Akagi?” Damian ventured, but he was interrupted by his mentor, who put up a hand to stop him.

“Please,” he said, “call me Cyrus.”


***


Back inside, Tyson was still occupied with thoughts of Mr Akagi’s eyes when Haley nudged him in the ribs.

“It’s us!” she muttered, standing up. Confused, he followed suit. He hadn’t really been listening to the announcements.

“Tyson Bach, Haley Bach, and Matthew Simon,” repeated the man behind the podium. Tyson followed Haley onto the stage, only to be immediately ushered through the side door. They were joined a moment later by Matthew, the skinny boy with the dark brown hair that had handed out the laptops that morning, and their new mentor. Tyson got a good look at him for the first time. He looked to be about twenty-five, with straw-coloured hair, bright blue eyes and a wide grin.

“Well hi, guys!” he said cheerfully. “My name’s Jerry. I’m guessing you must be Haley, Tyson and Matthew?” he said, pointing at each of them in turn. They nodded silently, somewhat intimidated by this cheerful stranger. “Well, no sense wasting time! I have here a list for each of you, detailing what you’ll need to bring with you tomorrow.” He handed each of them a folded piece of paper. “Any questions about what’s on the list?”

Tyson scanned it quickly. “There’s an awful lot of stuff on here,” he muttered. “How are we gonna carry it all?”

“Ah, we’ll work something out!” enthused Jerry. “Now, how about we go for a walk, and you guys tell me all about yourselves, huh?” He set off without another word.

Tyson exchanged a dubious glance with Haley. She shrugged it off, and they followed Jerry, leaving Matthew to slope along in the rear.


Bay July 13th, 2009 10:59 PM

Not a lot going on this chapter, but that's fine. You don't need to go to the plot right away. It took me twelve chapters to get to the real plot in my fic. XD;

Anyways, nice intro of Cyrus there. Yeah, gotta agree with Cyrus' eyes the creepiest part of him and all. :O Also, I find the advanced technology of the laptops fascinating, although part of me suddenly thinking, "STALER!" XD;

Sorry if this review is on the short side. Not too much is happening. ^^; Still cool chapter, though.

Misheard Whisper July 14th, 2009 12:48 AM

Hehe. The laptops are partially an excuse for me to play around with technology without having to go into sci-fi. Every chapter, I promise someone there will be more action in the next, and there never really is, so I'll make no promises this time. The story needs to unfold at its own pace, wouldn't you agree? I just go with it. The story writes itself; I just press the keys. But anyway, thank you for reviewing, and I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Miz en Scène July 14th, 2009 2:15 AM

I wish I had a laptop like that. :(

Ah well, still, as Bay said, there wasn't much going in the chapter so I can't give much of a review.
Although, I may have a few suggestions.

When Mr.Jay was talking about the journey and Laptops, I was surprised to see that no one groaned(offer was declined by parents).

Other than that, great, can't wait for the next installment.

Giratina ♀ July 14th, 2009 6:46 AM

OH MEW IT'S MAGNETON MAN EVERYBODY RUN AWAYYYYY

Um. Excuse me for that. - _-

Anyway, my first impression of the whole mentor thing was that it sounded suspiciously like Dagzar's fanfic, actually called Mentor, just with an extra kid to watch over. If that was unintentional, okay, but it's still kind of fishy that two fics with the same concept would pop up in such a short timespan. The whole 'laptop' thing is an interesting concept, certainly, but unless you have a good reason for making them so advanced I need to agree with Tyson and say that that is slightly inprobable. Maybe try to have the computer malfunction or something and have the speaking mechanism be slightly messed-up like other voice systems?

And you're right; Cyrus' eyes are really creepy. Props on him, by the way; I personally love it when canon characters are presented in a light they don't usually take - like ready information source for some young main characters. Come to think of it, that sounds kind of familiar too...

Would you mind adding me to the mailing list? I'd like to see how this goes.

Misheard Whisper July 14th, 2009 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neo Groudon (Post 4855865)
I wish I had a laptop like that. :(

Ah well, still, as Bay said, there wasn't much going in the chapter so I can't give much of a review.
Although, I may have a few suggestions.

Quote:

When Mr.Jay was talking about the journey and Laptops, I was surprised to see that no one groaned(offer was declined by parents).
Keke. Kekekeke.

Quote:

Other than that, great, can't wait for the next installment.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Giratinasaur (Post 4856293)
OH MEW IT'S MAGNETON MAN EVERYBODY RUN AWAYYYYY

Say what?

Quote:

Anyway, my first impression of the whole mentor thing was that it sounded suspiciously like Dagzar's fanfic, actually called Mentor, just with an extra kid to watch over. If that was unintentional, okay, but it's still kind of fishy that two fics with the same concept would pop up in such a short timespan.
I have actually seen Dagzar's fic around, but I haven't read any of it, so I can't claim to be inspired by it. The whole setup of the group (three novices and an expert) is actually something of an Easter Egg for any and all Naruto fans out there. It is in there for a reason, though. The 'mentor' label is simply because nothing else seemed to fit. So no plagiarism intended. All characters, concepts and organisations are purely fictional. Any relation to any characters, concepts, or organisations, dead, alive or in progress, is purely coincidental.
Quote:

The whole 'laptop' thing is an interesting concept, certainly, but unless you have a good reason for making them so advanced I need to agree with Tyson and say that that is slightly inprobable. Maybe try to have the computer malfunction or something and have the speaking mechanism be slightly messed-up like other voice systems?
As I've said, I has my raisins.

Quote:

And you're right; Cyrus' eyes are really creepy. Props on him, by the way; I personally love it when canon characters are presented in a light they don't usually take - like ready information source for some young main characters. Come to think of it, that sounds kind of familiar too...
Kekekeke. I love Cyrus, he's so awesome. Glad you like him, cos we'll be seeing a bit more of him.
Quote:

Would you mind adding me to the mailing list? I'd like to see how this goes.
Added. =D

Thanks for reviewing, guys!

Giratina ♀ July 14th, 2009 3:13 PM

Like him?

You're kind of inclined to like a character after you've written a twenty-something story with the guy (this is also the origin of that thing I said at the beginning, by the way ;D). Alright, now that I know you weren't trying to copy off Dagzar's idea I feel a lot better, and you've really done it pretty well. Though Jerry seems kind of... one-sided, compared to what we've seen of the other mentors (admittedly, all we've seen of the other mentors is Magne Cyrus, but still...), so there should probably be a lot of development in the Jer department soon.

Misheard Whisper July 14th, 2009 3:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giratinasaur (Post 4857941)
Though Jerry seems kind of... one-sided, compared to what we've seen of the other mentors (admittedly, all we've seen of the other mentors is Magne Cyrus, but still...), so there should probably be a lot of development in the Jer department soon.

*weeps* Nobody notices the subtleties. I'll just leave you guys to try and find the parallels. With that ambiguous statement, I away! (wtf)

Legendarian Mistress July 14th, 2009 4:56 PM

Quote:

PokéDex
This is the way I do it. Pokédex.
You're the author, however, so you can do it whichever way you want.

Like last time, that was the one that irked me the most. But you're really doing a wonderful job of this so far, SD. Keep up the good work.

Misheard Whisper July 14th, 2009 6:40 PM

Fixed. I just thought that was how it was supposed to be, but I just looked it up, and whaddya know? Pokedex. I remember having a similar debate with Shinjislover about PokeBall vs Poke Ball. Teehee. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Citrinin July 15th, 2009 5:54 PM

(This reply pertains only to Chapter 3, as I've explained through VM)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Never mind the fact that you were making a fuss about it just a few seconds ago, Tyson thought to himself. Shaking his head, he left her to fret over it and went to get breakfast.


I liked this (and the entire scene) a lot. :D

(interesting note: I nearly went [quote=Shattered Dragon])

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Why would the Pokémon League – and the government, for that matter – want to do that? No, they probably just wanted to get it underway. That would be it.


Just from what I've seen of Tyson so far, he doesn't seem the type to try and reassure himself with half-hearted explanations qualified by "probably". It just seems a bit out-of-character. Perhaps if it was rephrased as a question: "Maybe they just wanted to get it underway?" In other words - it's a consideration rather than a rushed conclusion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
“Could you . . . not do that?” he asked weakly. “I don’t need everything I say analysed, OK?”


I like this. :) Turning analysis back on the analyser.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
Unsmilingly, Mr Akagi read out three names. “Damian Rae. Alexis Samuels. Jack McIntyre.” Alexis sighed.

I'm glad you didn't go for the all three friends together route - it would have been a bit cheesy. Good job. :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
“Please,” he said, “call me Cyrus.”


Ohoho! A brilliant buildup of suspense, and totally unexpected for the situation. Excellent job. :D

My main concern with this chapter is that the government is giving out expensive, ultra-high tech computers to schoolchildren, and it doesn't seem to be a publicity stunt, due to the lack of cameras. Sometime, you'll need to explain why this is happening. Apart from this, another brilliant chapter. ^_^

Misheard Whisper July 15th, 2009 6:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Citrinin (Post 4861832)
(This reply pertains only to Chapter 3, as I've explained through VM)
Good thing you didn't try to review Chapter 4; it's not there yet!

I liked this (and the entire scene) a lot. :D

(interesting note: I nearly went [quote=Shattered Dragon])
Teehee. Talk about automatic association.

Just from what I've seen of Tyson so far, he doesn't seem the type to try and reassure himself with half-hearted explanations qualified by "probably". It just seems a bit out-of-character. Perhaps if it was rephrased as a question: "Maybe they just wanted to get it underway?" In other words - it's a consideration rather than a rushed conclusion.
I think you may be right. The 'probably' makes it sound a little odd, yes. Will fix.

I like this. :) Turning analysis back on the analyser.


I'm glad you didn't go for the all three friends together route - it would have been a bit cheesy. Good job. :D
I am so not going down that road. =D Besides, it's important they get split up.

Ohoho! A brilliant buildup of suspense, and totally unexpected for the situation. Excellent job. :D

<3 everybody loves a surprise entrance!

My main concern with this chapter is that the government is giving out expensive, ultra-high tech computers to schoolchildren, and it doesn't seem to be a publicity stunt, due to the lack of cameras. Sometime, you'll need to explain why this is happening. Apart from this, another brilliant chapter. ^_^

Oh, there's an explanation all right. Keke. Kekeke.

Swift! July 17th, 2009 4:35 AM

I'm not that great when it comes to reviews, but I'd just like to say that this is one of the few fanfics that has actually caught my attention and drawn me in.

Add me to the PM List, if you would, and keep up the great work. :)

Misheard Whisper July 17th, 2009 11:34 AM

Well, thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it, and I'll certainly add you to the list. =D

Misheard Whisper July 20th, 2009 10:19 AM

Chapter 4: New Toys
 
Chapter 4


New Toys


June 15, 2000


The four of them were admiring the view from the observation deck of the Vista Lighthouse. Haley was peering intently through the binoculars across Sunyshore City and Matthew was mooching around sulkily. Tyson scanned the ground below for a while. The city was busy. Traffic snaked along the roads, but it wasn’t as bad as some cities. The majority of commuters walked, taking advantage of the complex network of pedestrian walkways that spanned the city. The walkways were actually solar panels, and they were currently taking full advantage of the four-thirty sunshine.

Tyson turned to watch Jerry. The blonde-haired man was pacing back and forth along the railing by the panoramic view, talking into his cellphone in an urgent, low voice. Tyson couldn’t hear what he was saying. Even as he watched, Jerry nodded a couple of times before hanging up and slipping the phone back into his pocket, glancing at Tyson as he did so. Seeing him looking, Jerry quickly averted his gaze, continuing to pace, slightly uneasily, Tyson thought. What was that about?

“Oh!” Jerry said, stopping suddenly and smacking his forehead. “I knew I’d forgotten something!” He rummaged in his pockets for a few seconds, eventually pulling out three small red and white orbs that they were all immediately familiar with. Poké Balls.

“What, we get our first Pokémon now?” Haley asked.

“Yup,” he agreed, tossing one to each of them. “Here ya go.” Haley caught hers automatically. Holding it in both hands, she gazed at it in awe. The little sphere was a little larger than a golf ball, but it seemed to exude power. There was something mystical about holding it, the feeling of possessing it. Whatever Pokémon was inside was now hers to command. It was a very significant moment.

“W-what is it?” she asked apprehensively, somehow unable to simply look for herself. “I mean, which Pokémon?” Jerry shrugged.

“Dunno.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Tyson asked in disbelief.

“Well, the League gave me three Pokémon to give to my group. I know what they are, but I don’t know which one I gave each of you. It was a random choice, and now you’re stuck with it.”

“Isn’t that kind of irresponsible?” Tyson asked.

“Yup, probably. But hey, who cares? You’ve each got a Pokémon, so there’s no need to complain, right?”

“Um . . . sure,” Tyson said uncertainly. Haley wasn’t listening. Thumbing the button on the Poké Ball, she expanded it to full size. It quickly grew until it was larger than a baseball. Pressing the button again, she released the Pokémon inside.

There was a popping noise and a flash of red light. Haley squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, and when she opened them again, a small Pokémon was floating in the air in front of her. It was grey, with a slightly bluish tinge. What appeared to be hair, but on closer inspection was made of the same material as the rest of it, floated freely behind it, pink tips fluttering in the breeze. A necklace of some sort, made of round, reddish-pink gems sat around its neck. Its red eyes bored into Haley’s, pinning her to the spot. Jerry chuckled.

“She tends to do that,” he explained, waving a hand between Haley and the Pokémon, “so don’t look into her eyes too much, especially since she doesn’t know you right now.”

“It’s a Misdreavus,” Tyson said, studying it closely. “That’s fairly rare.”

“Nah,” Jerry demurred. “There’s tons of them at the Lost Tower. So what’s your Pokémon?” he asked Tyson. Tyson looked surprised, as if he had just realised he was holding a Poké Ball.

“Oh, right,” he said, releasing his own Pokémon. It appeared to be a small, blue and black feline with disproportionately large ears. Its tail grew out into a yellow star, and each foreleg had a golden band wrapped around it.

“Ah,” Jerry said. “You’ve got the Shinx, it would seem. Useful little fellers, them.” Tyson sized it up. It barely reached past his ankles. It cocked his head at him in confusion, mewing curiously.

“It’s so cute!” Haley squealed. Tyson was doubtful.

“If you say so . . .” he said uncertainly, bending over to pick it up. It wriggled out of his arms and climbed up onto his shoulder, sharp little claws digging into him through his T-shirt. “Ow!” he exclaimed. “You are so not sitting there.” He lifted it down and put it on the ground again. It looked up at him with big, round eyes. Tyson rolled his eyes and returned it to his Poké Ball.

“You’re so lucky!” Haley said enviously.

“You think?” Tyson asked. “It doesn’t look like it’d be much good in a fight.” He folded his arms moodily. Haley punched him on the shoulder.

“Lighten up!” she said. “You’ll be fine. I’d even swap if you-”

“Nuh-uh!” said Jerry happily. “You’re stuck with Shinx, and you’re just gonna have to learn to like it. No swapping.” He turned to Matthew, who was still sulking. He had simply caught his Poké Ball in silence, not commenting. “You know, I don’t think I’ve heard you say a word since I met you. Can you talk?” Matthew’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Yes,” he said reluctantly. “I can.”

“Wahey!” said Jerry enthusiastically, causing multiple passers-by to look at him oddly. “There, that wasn’t so hard, now was it?” Matthew simply glared at him. “Anyway, seeing as Tyson has Shinx and Haley got Misdreavus, you must have the Houndour!” he exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. “Come on, let’s see it, then!”

Matthew lifted the Poké Ball to eye level, glaring at it sullenly. He turned it one way, then the other, examining it with scepticism. The look on his face suggested he wasn’t quite sure what he was holding. Frowning, he reluctantly pressed the button, expanding it. Before he could press it again, however, he was interrupted.

“You don’t know what you’re dealing with, boy,” hissed a voice. Glancing around, Tyson couldn’t see where it had come from. As a matter of fact, they were alone on the observation deck. So who had spoken?

“Get behind me, you three,” said Jerry, a sharp note in his voice. Glancing at him, Tyson saw that the smile had disappeared from his face. Something wasn’t right. Moving automatically to stand behind him, Tyson saw that Haley and Matthew were doing the same.

“That’s right,” hissed the voice again. “Hide behind your big, bad friend.” The voice – definitely female – seemed to be coming from behind what appeared to be a large, blocky pillar in the centre of the room. It was the elevator they had come up in not ten minutes ago, but the doors were on the other side.

“He wouldn’t be able to do a thing,” continued the voice. “But luckily for you, I’m not seeking to pick a fight today.” The owner of the voice stepped out from behind the elevator. It was a woman – or so Tyson assumed. He couldn’t actually make out any features, because her entire body was covered by a deep green cloak. It was an earthy green, the kind that made him think of exotic forests and wild, untamed Grass-type Pokémon. A large hood obscured the top half of her face, and the rest was hidden in shadow.

“Oh, not you Avos fanatics again!” Jerry growled angrily. “I’ve run into your kind before, and you-”

“I know.” The ‘Avos fanatic’ cut him off with a raised hand. “I was one of those who you encountered in Jubilife. We are all alike, are we not?”

“Sure, whatever,” Jerry said, clenching his fists. Evidently the memory was not pleasant. “You say you don’t want to pick a fight, so you must be here for some other reason. Say your piece and get the hell out of here!” Tyson frowned. Jerry was acting awfully aggressive all of a sudden. The cloaked figure chuckled lightly.

“Oh, Jerry,” she whispered. “Don’t pretend you don’t love us. You’re only fighting yourself, you know.”

“You didn’t come here for that,” he said angrily. “What the hell do you want?”

“For you to cease this madness. It is bad enough that you use Pokémon yourself, but now you intend to make children follow the same path? You will doom Sinnoh with this plan. Within ten years, every teenager in the region will want to be a Pokémon Trainer. They will go running off without a care in the world, and leave only ruin behind.”

“Ruin?” Tyson interrupted. Jerry glanced at him urgently.

“Stop,” he muttered. “Don’t question her!”

“Ruin?” Tyson asked again, ignoring Jerry. “How can this possibly lead to ruin? You make it all sound so disastrous!” The hooded woman chuckled maliciously.

“Such . . . audacity. You would do well to curb your tongue,” she warned softly. “But you are young, and therefore foolish. I will explain. If this Pokémon Journey Project of the League’s works out, every teenager in the country will be journeying within a few years, yes? Well, just think about this. Who will keep Sinnoh running? Who will go into the labour force? No-one. Who will attend lectures at university? No-one. Who will deal with law and order? Who will become the next generation of police officers, lawyers, forensics, and PIs if every teenager is off trying to become a Pokémon Master?” She laid such heavy sarcasm on the last couple of words that it was impossible to mistake her distaste for the idea.

“People will come back, though,” Tyson argued. “They will go on their Pokémon Journey, and then they’ll come back and go to university, or get an apprenticeship, or whatever. That’s what I’m doing, for one.”

“You are so naive. Do you really think they will all come back? Once a Pokémon Trainer, always a Pokémon Trainer.”

“People can be Trainers and still have jobs, though,” said Tyson. “I know plenty of working adults who raise Pokémon!”

“Be that as it may, the lure of becoming a full-time Pokémon Trainer is one that few can resist. Look at your friend Jerry there. Tell me, Jerry,” she said, “do you have a job? Other than training children to be like you, that is.”

“No,” he admitted. “My salary comes from the League.”

“And where does that money come from? The League is hardly selling T-shirts.”

“Government funding, I suppose.”

“Exactly. Government funding that could be going straight back into the economy. Every little child in the Pokémon Journey Program will want to be just like you and your comrades when you grow up, Jerry. If they don’t already, I’m sure you’ll make sure they do by the time the Program is finished. And each child that decides to be a Pokémon Trainer is another child that will not be going into the workforce. Each child that doesn’t go into the workforce reduces the amount of money going into the government. The less money going into the government, the less funding they can provide. Money will be getting tighter and tighter. There will be a recession. Employers will have to pay their employees less. The employees will barely be able to pay taxes. Some may turn to crime. Inmate numbers will go up. But who’s keeping an eye on the inmates?”

“You’re blowing this way out of proportion,” Jerry growled. “It won’t happen!” She laughed.

“Not in our lifetime, perhaps. Maybe that means you don’t need to care. But think. If the Pokémon Journey Project goes ahead – and the way the government is looking right now, it certainly will, unfortunately – if it goes ahead, the future doesn’t look good. Our generation will die off eventually, Jerry. Then what will be left? A Sinnoh full of unemployed Pokémon Trainers with no skill in any trade. This is the future, Jerry. This is where Pokémon lead us. We will be ruined.”

“Not everybody will undertake the Pokémon Journey,” Tyson said. This woman was really starting to piss him off. “There will be kids who don’t want to. Kids whose parents won’t let them. Kids who have higher aspirations than being a Pokémon Trainer. It won’t happen!”

“There are those, yes,” she said, waving a hand dismissively. “But their numbers are too few. For every child who stays at school, there will be twenty who venture forth. How many were in the test group this time, Jerry?”

“Twenty-eight,” he replied stiffly.

“And how many will not be doing the Pokémon Journey?” she asked innocently. There was a short pause.

“None,” Jerry admitted.

“There, you see? If that reflects anything, we’re doomed.”

“Alright!” Jerry burst out suddenly. “You’ve made your point, so would you kindly leave now?”

“If you insist,” she said, pressing her palms together and bowing. Tyson couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic or not. “Just remember, you are creating an abomination. I offer you again what I offered you in Jubilife-”

“And the answer is still no. Get out of here. I’d challenge you to a Pokémon battle, but you don’t have any, do you?”

“Of course I don’t,” she said. “You know full well Avos’ view on Pokémon slavery.”

“It’s not slavery,” he began, but shook his head. “Forget it. I’m not getting into an ethical debate with you now. Just leave!” She bowed again.

“Very well.” She turned without another word and walked behind the elevator again. He didn’t hear the door open, but when Tyson looked around the back a few seconds later, she was gone.

“Who the hell was that?” Haley asked nervously. Jerry scratched his head awkwardly.

“Well, uh . . . I, um . . .”

“Don’t want to tell us?” she prodded.

“It’s not that, it’s just . . . well, I shouldn’t really . . .”

“I get it,” she said. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not like we might need to know or anything.” Jerry shifted uncomfortably.

“All right,” he said. “I’ll tell you guys once we’re on the road tomorrow, alright? Just . . . promise me you won’t mention this to your parents, all right?” Tyson raised an eyebrow.

“Isn’t that kind of irresponsible?” Tyson asked, before realising he’d said the same thing not too long ago.

“Maybe. But please, guys. If your parents know about this, I can guarantee you they won’t let you do the Pokémon Journey, especially if they know anything about those Avos fanatics.”

“What exactly does-”

“Tomorrow.” Jerry cut Haley off, walking toward the elevator with the three of them following. “Just – get the stuff you need, don’t mention the chick with the bad fashion sense, and meet me back here – downstairs, of course – at seven tomorrow. OK?” Tyson, Haley and Matthew all nodded. “OK. Till then, just remember. No mentioning the creepy lady.”


***


“I still feel kind of bad lying to Mum and Dad,” Haley said doubtfully as they walked home. “It makes me feel all . . . wrong.”

“Listen,” Tyson said seriously. “Jerry was right. If Mum finds out there’s some weird psycho trying to sabotage the Project, she’s gonna freak. She’ll tear up the paperwork and send us back to school without so much as a ‘but’. Is that what you want?”

“No,” she admitted. “You know I want to do this. I have to do this!”

“All right, but that means not mentioning the lady in the green cloak, ‘kay?”

“All right. I don’t like it, but I’ll do it, because I’ll be damned if I’ll let some nutty psycho stop me from doing what I want!” she said with sudden vehemence, smacking one fist into the other palm. Tyson blinked.

“That’s not like you at all. Are you feeling OK?”

“Me?” she asked, suddenly deflating like a balloon with a hole in it. “I guess. I just need a good night’s sleep.” Tyson patted her on the back.

“Well, you’re gonna have to wait; we’ve got some packing to do first.”

Throughout the next three hours of frantic explaining, packing, eating, packing, not mentioning psychos in green cloaks, and more packing, Tyson kept a close eye on his sister. She was looking really tired for some reason, and he couldn’t help but worry about her. By the time they both went to bed, she was practically stumbling around the house.

“Night, Haley,” he yawned absently as he closed his door. She needed all the sleep she could get, but he couldn’t understand why. They hadn’t done anything physically strenuous, and he was sure she’d gotten up at the usual time that morning. Some things just didn’t make sense. As he puzzled over this, however, he felt himself getting tired. Flicking off the bedside light and setting his alarm, he tried to get to sleep. He had one hell of a big day tomorrow, not to mention a sister to worry about.


***


The strange woman in the green cloak was standing on the beach. It was a beach he knew well; he’d been there just last weekend. She stood stock still on the sand, staring directly out to sea. At least, that was how it appeared. The hood that concealed her face also made it impossible to tell where she was looking.

The usual crowd of children and Pokémon were frolicking around, building sandcastles and playing tag. The sun was high in the sky, and a strong breeze was blowing. The woman’s cloak whipped around in the wind, but she paid it no heed. Children ran in circles around her, giggling madly; she ignored them. Watching the sea, she moved not an inch. Then she spoke, and all other noise ceased, as if someone had pressed the mute button on a remote control.

“You are foolish, Tyson. You have the opportunity to stay here, in this beautiful seaside city, and have a life.” Her voice rang clearly in his ears. “You could go to university like you wanted. Become a forensic scientist. Maybe even write that crime novel you’ve been thinking about, hmm?” She half-turned and he saw that the hood of her cloak had lifted enough for him to see her lips, blood red on china white. She was smiling. How had she known? He had never told anyone that he wanted to write a crime novel. Not even Haley.

“I’m going,” he found himself saying, although the words seemed to bypass his conscious mind and speak themselves. “I’m going on the Pokémon Journey. I’ll keep up with my schoolwork, and I’ll come back for university. I can do all that. I know I can.”

“Oh, Tyson, Tyson,” she murmured. “Do you really think so? I know they’re all lying to you. You know it, too.”

“No, they’re not!” he said automatically. “Nothing you can say can convince me to stay here. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m sticking with it. For Haley, even if not for myself.” She chuckled.

“So noble . . . Very well, Tyson. I shall leave you now. But you are making a bad decision. A very bad decision.” And with those words, she melted away into sand, which spun away on the breeze. The sound from the rest of the world came back suddenly, and Tyson was drifting . . .


Citrinin July 20th, 2009 8:22 PM

I like your development of characters, particularly that of Tyson's. ^^

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkles
“You are so not sitting there.”

This seems like something Haley would say, more than Tyson. That was just my impression, anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkles
“You don’t know what you’re dealing with, boy,” hissed a voice. Glancing around, Tyson couldn’t see where it had come from. As a matter of fact, they were alone on the observation deck. So who had spoken?

“Get behind me, you three,” said Jerry, a sharp note in his voice. Glancing at him, Tyson saw that the smile had disappeared from his face. Something wasn’t right. Moving automatically to stand behind him, Tyson saw that Haley and Matthew were doing the same.

I really liked this. It built up the suspense perfectly. ^^

The only problem I found with this chapter was that there simply weren't enough problems for me to point out. XD But seriously, excellent job. I'm really interested how this Avos plot will unfold, particularly since they don't have Pokémon. You have a challenging job ahead of you. ^^

Misheard Whisper July 20th, 2009 8:36 PM

Thanks a lot. I always get annoyed when I can't find many bad things to point out in my review. The Avos plot will certainly be interesting, yes. At least, I hope so.

Caliban July 21st, 2009 9:23 PM

1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

=D Besides, it's important they get split up.
I can't wait to [officially] find out why!
I'm happy that you took my suggestion of Haley having a Misdreavous on, and I like Shinx. *loves Luxray*
Hope you finish this one, I can't wait to see where it goes!

Anyways, here is a trailer that I made for Sparkles about three days ago.
He gave me permission to post it here.


- Pich_u

Legendarian Mistress July 22nd, 2009 7:22 PM

Yay! You've got my favourite Electric type, Shinx, in the fic. Well done, SD. I'm gonna leave the error pointing out to others, so I'll just say this is an excellent fic and keep up the great work.

Misheard Whisper July 22nd, 2009 7:24 PM

Thanks for reviewing, guys. I dislike Shinx, personally. Anyway, I'm glad you like it! (Dammit, I say that every time!)

Giratina ♀ July 23rd, 2009 1:24 PM

I so hate having such a short review like this, but I couldn't find anything wrong with this chapter! Suspicious Green-Cloaked Anti-League Woman is definitely an interesting addition, and she sounds sort of like an echo of some real life Pokémon bashers. That's just my way of seeing her, of course, but I thought you would like to know.

Keep going strong!

Bay July 23rd, 2009 6:24 PM

Before I say anything, I want to comment that the trailer music kicks butt. Listening to it right now while I'm writing this review. :D

Anyways, woot we get to know now what Tyson plans on studying if he were to go to university. I think it shoots him well. And if he ever does write that novel, I'm so defiantly buying it. ;)

Also, that green clad lady creeps me out. :O I actually disagree with her. There's plenty of people who have Pokemon and take different occupations instead of trainer. True, both anime and game canon show a lot of failed trainers, but also there has been successful trainers and people in other occupations. Oh man, I got rambly here, considering this story takes place before the events in the games. XD; Congrats, you made me hate her now (which is good). :D

There's actually a couple problems I want to point out. One, you didn't mention much about how Matthew feels about the lady's prediction like the other characters. I'm able to know Jerry, Haley, and Tyson's feelings about it and you did it well, but it seems Matthew was left out of the dark.

Another problem is if the government is still fishy about this project, why would they decide to fund the project? Okay, maybe this question should be easy for me to figure out. XD;

Anyways, finally getting to the good stuff. :) Can't wait for next chapter!

Caliban July 23rd, 2009 10:32 PM

1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bay (Post 4892658)
Before I say anything, I want to comment that the trailer music kicks butt. Listening to it right now while I'm writing this review. :D

Thanks Bay! I gave Sparkles a choice between "Eggman Machine" and "Definition of Insanity", and 'he' chose "Eggman Machine", right after he'd been Sonic-bashing.

I've uploaded the full track with this, if you'd like it.

And I might make another later on for a part that you haven't read...


- Pich_u

P.S. Hurry up, Sparkles!

Misheard Whisper July 24th, 2009 12:13 AM

Hurry up with what, Pich_u? And thank you, guys, for reviewing. Bay, the government interest will be explained, and I think it'd be hard to get any kind of reaction out of Matthew. He's a story of his own, waiting to happen, and I plan to explore him later.

Misheard Whisper July 26th, 2009 10:11 AM

Chapter 5 - I'm On A Boat
 
Chapter 5
I’m on a Boat

June 16, 2000


“You’re all set to go?” Elizabeth asked anxiously, rifling through Haley’s pack while simultaneously trying to wipe the tears out of her eyes.

“Aw, Mum, don’t cry about it!” Haley said sleepily. “We’ll come back, don’t worry!”

“I know, I know! It’s just . . . oh, you’re finally growing up!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tyson asked sceptically. “Are you going to be all right?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, love,” she sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I’m just glad you two are finally . . . doing something you really want to do!”

“It’s always good to see you kids taking responsibility for yourselves!” Jacob said happily, patting his wife on the back. “Calm down, love. It’s not like we’ll never see them again,” he added. Elizabeth nodded tearfully.

“OK, OK. I get it. It’s just . . . oh, you two!” she cried, enveloping the twins in a hug. “Good luck, and remember, I love you so, so much!” Haley squirmed awkwardly. For a moment, she wondered if they had done the right thing in not telling her about the events at the Vista Lighthouse the day before.

“I love you too, Mum,” she said, “but I can’t breathe. Could you . . . ?”

“Oh, right!” she said, letting go. “I’ll j-just go and, um, lie down, I think. Goodbye, Tyson. Goodbye, Haley.” She left the room in quite a hurry. Jacob sighed.

“Ah, your poor mother,” he said. “She’ll be alright. She just needs a little time to adjust. I don’t think she was expecting you two to be leaving home quite this early!” He laughed. “It’s quarter to seven, so I guess we should be leaving soon. I’ll come to the lighthouse with you.”

“Man, these packs look heavy,” Tyson noted, but his father simply laughed.

“This is nothing, kiddo. Back at the academy, we had to lug twice this amount through Route 222 every day before breakfast! Come on, you’ll get used to it.” Haley glared at her pack as if the sheer force of her gaze would make it lighter.

“All right, let’s go,” she said decisively, hefting the pack over her shoulders.


***


As she walked away from everything she had ever known, Haley wondered for the first time if this was what she really wanted. Everything from here on in would be new and unfamiliar, and it was almost guaranteed that not all of it would be pleasant. The only thing she could rely on out there was Tyson. She had always been able to rely on Tyson, but now . . . He has to be feeling the same way, doesn’t he? He’ll be worrying about this too. And who’s he going to rely on? Me? I won’t be any good if Tyson runs into trouble. I’ve never been as solid as he is. He won’t have anyone to help him.

Shifting her pack in an effort to make it just a little more comfortable, Haley tried to put these thoughts from her mind. It was all going to be fine. She was going to travel across Sinnoh, and it was going to be wonderful, each and every step of the way. Keep telling yourself that, girl.

With a start, she realised that they had reached the Vista Lighthouse. Jerry was waiting for them, looking remarkably chipper, with Matthew skulking around behind him in a heavy black coat.

“You must be Mr Bach!” Jerry said brightly, proffering his hand.

“Jacob, please,” their father grinned, shaking it firmly. “And you must be Jerry.”

“Indeed I am. Pleased to meet you.” Haley frowned. Jerry was being a fair bit more formal today. While the two men exchanged pleasantries, she sidled over to Tyson and whispered in his ear.

“Do you still think it was a good idea? Not telling Mum and Dad about what happened yesterday, I mean.”

“Of course,” he replied. “You saw what Mum was like this morning anyway. If we told her we’d been approached by a psycho before we’d even left, she’d never let us leave the house again.”

“What about Dad, though? Couldn’t we tell him?”

“I dunno about that. Dad might be pretty relaxed about this sort of thing, but he’s not stupid.”

“Fair enough.”

“I guess I’ll be seeing you two, then,” Jacob said, grinning. “Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Training isn’t the only thing you can do with Pokémon, you know, but I’ll let you explore that for yourselves.” Pulling first Tyson, and then Haley into a massive bear hug, he said, “No matter what you do, though, I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you for having the guts to start this. You’re growing up so fast, and before long, we won’t recognise you. Promise me you’ll keep in touch?”

“Of course we will, Dad,” Haley said. “The laptops have videophones, so we can call you anytime.”

“Atta girl! Just remember, you two,” he said, growing serious, “it’s a big world out there. Be careful, and look after yourselves. Jerry seems like a good guy, and I’m happy to put you in his care. So go out there, see the world, and enjoy it, OK? I almost wish I was coming with you, but my place is here. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Haley said. “Goodbye!”

“Bye, Dad,” Tyson said, but Haley thought he seemed a little distracted. Nodding firmly, Jacob shook Jerry’s hand one more time and walked away without another word.

Yep, that’s Dad all right. Never one to mess around.


“Shall we go, then?” Haley was surprised to hear Jerry speaking. “We’re all here, so there’s no sense beating about the bush, right?”

“You were going to tell us about that Avos person,” Tyson reminded him.

“Yep,” said Jerry. “Just wait until we’re on the boat.” He began to walk, and they hurried to catch up, Matthew sloping silently along as usual.

“The boat?” Haley asked. “What boat?”

“We’re taking a ferry to Pastoria City,” Jerry explained.

“Why’s that, exactly?” Tyson asked. “What’s wrong with going on foot?”

“I just thought we’d do something a little different. You see, the other eight groups will be heading west along Route 222 this morning, but we’re going to be different, and take the boat to Pastoria. Then we’ll come back east, toward Lake Valor, and maybe even meet some of the other groups on the way. Sound good?”

“Well-”

“Good, ‘cause I’ve already booked the tickets. Let’s go!”


***


The S.S. Valeria was a medium-sized vessel, which had apparently been ferrying people from one place to another for fifty years. It seemed to Haley that she hadn’t had a fresh coat of paint in forty-nine. From the little she knew about boats, she looked seaworthy enough, though. I hope. Apparently, Jerry was thinking the same thing.

“Well, she’s seen better days, that’s for sure, but she’ll be right. Come on, get on board and sit down.”

The three of them went ahead while Jerry spoke quietly with the captain. Looking at it from the inside, it was actually impossible to tell how old it was. In fact, it was hardly like being on a boat at all. The main passenger area was a long, narrow room that ran most of the length of the boat, furnished with plush burgundy furniture, and boasting shiny wooden panelling. On each side was a row of windows; one set looking back toward Sunyshore City, and the rest out to sea. Settling themselves on a large couch, Tyson, Haley, and Matthew waited.

As Tyson tried – unsuccessfully – to prompt Matthew into conversation, Haley looked back over Sunyshore. Closest to the ship was Domain Road, Sunyshore’s famed beachfront restaurant strip. Being early in the morning, only a few establishments were open. Open or not, there was almost nobody around. With the morning sun reflecting off a hundred glass windows along the curved street, Domain Road looked like a multifaceted golden diamond.

Beyond Domain Road, the glittering spires of the CBD rose above the rest of Sunyshore. Commercialism was becoming a major part of life in the city, with many big-name corporations moving in each year.

And it would all be left behind in just a few minutes, she reminded herself. Before long, she would be chugging away on the S.S. Valeria to Pastoria City. She could feel the vibrations of the ancient engine warming up through the carpet beneath her feet.

“All right.” Startled out of her contemplation, Haley looked up in surprise to see Jerry taking a seat in a large armchair opposite the three of them. He bowed his head and clasped his hands, taking a deep breath. “We’re going to be leaving in a minute or two, but there aren’t any other passengers. So, what exactly was it that you wanted to know?”

“Who was that yesterday?” Haley asked. “You mentioned something about . . . what was it? Avos?” Jerry sighed.

“The woman in the green cloak belongs to a religious sect that calls themselves the Cult of Avos. They’re a very strange group, and I don’t know much about them. I know that they always wear those green cloaks when they’re on cult business, so membership remains secret. And as the name suggests, they worship a god called Avos. This isn’t too different from many other religious minorities around. The main difference is their view of Pokémon.”

“She said something about how Pokémon would ruin us all,” Tyson supplied. With a great grinding below decks, the engine tone changed audibly, and Sunyshore City slowly started to slip away. Haley watched it go by through the window as she listened to the rest of Jerry’s explanation.

“Yes, that’s their philosophy. They believe that Pokémon are an abomination, and that Pokémon Trainers are just as bad for wanting to use them. I’m not exactly sure what their logic behind it is, but they have their own reasons. So basically, they protest against Pokémon Training. That’s their main focus, anyway.”

“Protest?” Tyson asked. “What, like marches?” A shadow crossed Jerry’s face.

“No,” he said quietly. “Recently, there’ve been a lot of reports of large colonies of wild Pokémon killed in some horrible way or another. Whether it’s toxic gases, shredding blades or bullets, there are rarely any survivors. The Cult of Avos is the prime suspect, but there’s never enough evidence to press charges. The government’s been trying to keep it quiet, but it hasn’t really been working.”

“That’s horrible!” exclaimed Haley. “What sort of person could do something like that?” Jerry grimaced.

“It’s certainly terrible. They denounce people for being Pokémon Trainers, but what they don’t seem to understand is that what they do is many times worse.”

“That woman yesterday,” Tyson said, as if just remembering. “It seemed like she’d met you before.” Jerry nodded grimly, as if the memory was painful for him.

“I ran into three of them in Jubilife, a couple of years ago. It was a . . . bad experience, and not one I’m willing to go into right now, OK?”

“That’s . . . understandable,” Tyson acquiesced. “So, what else do you know about them?”

“Not very much,” Jerry admitted. “They’re a very secretive organisation, and most people don’t even know they exist.”

“Can we talk about something else now?” Haley asked. “All this is making me feel a little sick.”

“Good idea,” agreed Jerry, and Haley felt he was glad to be moving on. “Now, I gotta to go talk to the captain about something. I won’t be long.”


***


“It’s all going according to plan, sir,” Jeremiah reported. “The only problem we’ve encountered is them.”

“That is to be expected,” said his superior, studying Jeremiah’s face intently. Over the videophone, it was a little distorted, but the pride in his face was evident. “I knew they would try something before long. The Cult cannot be expected to sit quietly while we move things into place.”

“We have the resources to deal with them, don’t we, sir?” Jeremiah asked.

“Of course we do. But the Cult is slippery. They are like ghosts. They will appear from nowhere, strike, and melt back into the shadows before we can do anything about it.”

“So how are we going to manage them, sir?”

“Think, Jeremiah. The Cult is stretched too thin. They have few members, about a hundred at last count. Yet they are continually overextending themselves. They attempt to interfere with everything, whether it be a government project or one of our own. Still more members are occupied with these Pokémon slaughtering sprees.”

“That’s inhumane, sir. If you don’t mind me saying so.”

“Your mind is clouded by compassion. The loss of a few hundred wild Pokémon will not affect us in the long run. If anything, they are doing us a favour. My spies report that nearly a fifth of the Cult is busy killing wild Pokémon. That is a fifth that cannot be employed against us, making our job that little bit easier.”

“I suppose that’s true, sir. But if they’re spread so thin, why not strike now? We have the men, the arms.”

“Have I not taught you the value of patience? The Cult is not doing us any harm at the present time. They are merely warning us, trying to discourage us. As dangerous as they are, they are reluctant to take human life. That is a weakness I fully intend to exploit.”

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Granted.”

“They are making me – and the others – nervous, sir. They have been attempting to sabotage the operation, and I fear that they will succeed if left unchecked for too long. I recommend a pre-emptive strike.”

“As much as I value your opinion, Jeremiah, you are misguided in this. An attack from us now would serve only to antagonise them. There are never more than a few of them in one place, and coordinating an operation of the scale needed to put a significant dent in their numbers would take more resources than I am willing to dedicate to this at the moment.”

“I understand, sir.”

“Good. Have you had any word from Samuel?”

“He contacted me yesterday, sir, just before I began the latest phase of the operation. Not long after you departed, actually.”

“And you did not think to contact me?”

“I, uh, thought it would be wisest to wait for the prescribed time, sir.”

“True. But remember, schedules are what kill people like us. If the Cult were to discover when we were in contact, it would be a simple matter for them to hack our frequency. Therefore, I recommend contacting me as soon as you have new information. If I am not available, leave a message detailing when we may talk face to face. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now tell me, what of Samuel’s operation?”

“He reports that the caves outside Eterna yielded exactly what was expected, sir. He is currently documenting all the carvings, and will send them back for analysis as soon as it is complete. He says he would have been finished earlier, but he discovered a hidden chamber with even more carvings, and asks me to convey his apologies. He thinks you will be pleased with his progress.”

“Excellent. I eagerly await the results. Very well, you are dismissed. I will contact you this evening. Until then, keep a low profile.”

“Yes, sir. Understood.” The line clicked dead, and Jeremiah breathed a sigh of relief. His boss scared him sometimes.


Citrinin July 26th, 2009 8:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkles
calls themselves the Cult of Avos

This seems odd. Virtually no cult would actually call themselves a "cult", due to the pejorative nature of the word.

Apart from that, excellent, excellent job. ^^ Very compelling. :D I have an idea about what's going on with the last scene, but I don't what to speculate aloud, for fear of ruining it for others (and myself - I don't want it confirmed or shot down. XD)

Misheard Whisper July 26th, 2009 9:08 PM

I wondered about this, but the first three definitions from my dictionary are neutral-kinda terms. And the Cult of Avos, as we'll see, are hardly the type to give a *beep* about that sorta thing.

And yes, I think I know what you're speculating. That was the intention of that scene. Well done.

Citrinin July 27th, 2009 12:54 AM

Hmmm, the dictionary does seem to give neutral definitions, but I've only ever heard it being used with strong pejorative connotations. Just my experience. *shrugs*

Misheard Whisper July 27th, 2009 11:18 AM

Yet Charlotte mentions, on multiple occasions, that she was 'in a cult'.

Legendarian Mistress July 27th, 2009 5:58 PM

Whoa!

*sits back and exhales*

SD, this fic just keeps getting better and better. I take it Jeremiah is one of Cyrus’ Admins?

Misheard Whisper July 27th, 2009 8:45 PM

Did I ever mention Cyrus in that conversation? knowing me i probably did for some reason

Swift! July 27th, 2009 8:51 PM

This. Fic. Is. Awesome. :D

One thing that I think I picked up in chapter five...
Spoiler:
Jeremiah = Jerry?

Misheard Whisper July 27th, 2009 8:53 PM

I'm happy that you think so, Katherine. As for what was in the spoiler tags . . . I will neither confirm nor deny that.

Swift! July 27th, 2009 8:55 PM

Aha. *taps nose*

Every great writer has to keep their secrets.

Misheard Whisper July 27th, 2009 8:59 PM

Indeed, it's never good to reveal things too early. Although I am really bad at foreshadowing, so if you see something as far out of place as a snowball in Texas (in July), it's probably gonna crop up again at some point. Just a heads up. =D

Giratina ♀ July 28th, 2009 6:29 AM

Wait... I've seen people with green cloaks before. Um... [thinks] Is the baselines of this group of Freaky Anti-Trainer People in canon? =O

Misheard Whisper July 28th, 2009 10:25 AM

There are freaky anti-Trainer people in canon? I can't say I've encountered them previously.

Giratina ♀ July 28th, 2009 5:53 PM

Well, I vaguely remember seeing a group of people in green cloaks... x .x

Misheard Whisper July 28th, 2009 8:03 PM

Well, I can safely say that I was not consciously influenced by these people.

Giratina ♀ July 29th, 2009 5:41 AM

Alright, then. Thanks for clearing that up.

Miz en Scène July 30th, 2009 1:10 AM

*I'm back*
Oh great, another chapter.
Well, for fics that I like, I usually give my review to honor the author in some way so here goes.

Quote:

Haley glared at her pack as if the sheer force of her gaze would make it lighter.
Hmm... this style of writing vaguely reminds me of some J.K. Rowling (or some other good writer). Are you sure you're not her? (I don't know, you didn't give your gender.)

Quote:

Shall we go, then?” Haley was surprised to hear Jerry speaking. “We’re all here, so there’s no sense beating about the bush, right?”

“You were going to tell us about that Avos person,” Tyson reminded him.

“Yep,” said Jerry. “Just wait until we’re on the boat.” He began to walk, and they hurried to catch up, Matthew sloping silently along as usual.
Jerry/Jeremiah seems a bit to cheery when Tyson said that. I know he's a happy-go-lucky type(presumably) but it just seems OOC in contrast with the seriousness on the previous day.

Quote:

Haley looked back over Sunyshore. Closest to the ship was Domain Road, Sunyshore’s famed beachfront restaurant strip. Being early in the morning, only a few establishments were open. Open or not, there was almost nobody around. With the morning sun reflecting off a hundred glass windows along the curved street, Domain Road looked like a multifaceted golden diamond.

Beyond Domain Road, the glittering spires of the CBD rose above the rest of Sunyshore. Commercialism was becoming a major part of life in the city, with many big-name corporations moving in each year.
I love filler. It makes the story seem like it's set in the real world and that the protagonists are not the centre of the Universe and that no matter how you look at it, the world continues to change around us.

Quote:

“Who was that yesterday?” Haley asked. “You mentioned something about . . . what was it? Avos?” Jerry sighed.
Apart from the fact that Jerry seems to swing from happy to serious to happy to serious, the part 'Jerry sighed.' bugs me a little. Correct me if I'm wrong but something doesn't seem right. It sounds like Jerry was doing the talking in the last sentence. If he was, it should be another line.

Quote:

“No,” he said quietly. “Recently, there’ve been a lot of reports of large colonies of wild Pokémon killed in some horrible way or another. Whether it’s toxic gases, shredding blades or bullets, there are rarely any survivors. The Cult of Avos is the prime suspect, but there’s never enough evidence to press charges. The government’s been trying to keep it quiet, but it hasn’t really been working.”
Yes I'm sadistic. This part really caught my attention due to the gore involved.

Misheard Whisper July 30th, 2009 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mizan Nix Zamnie (Post 4920480)
*I'm back*
Oh great, another chapter.
Well, for fics that I like, I usually give my review to honor the author in some way so here goes.

Why thank you! I had to see your avatar to work out who you were =D


Quote:

Hmm... this style of writing vaguely reminds me of some J.K. Rowling (or some other good writer). Are you sure you're not her? (I don't know, you didn't give your gender.)
I can assure you now that I'm not a published author of any kind, so I'll take that as a compliment, I guess? Now you mention it, though, that does sound a little like something Rowling would write. I think I have been subconsciously influenced due to my recent rereads of the HP series.

Quote:

Jerry/Jeremiah seems a bit to cheery when Tyson said that. I know he's a happy-go-lucky type(presumably) but it just seems OOC in contrast with the seriousness on the previous day.
Well, he's not bipolar, I can assure you that. He just gets mood swings, but is generally cheery. When the Cult of Avos comes up, for example, he gets serious. He's had some bad experiences with them in the past, which as you can see he's not willing to talk about at the moment.


Quote:

I love filler. It makes the story seem like it's set in the real world and that the protagonists are not the centre of the Universe and that no matter how you look at it, the world continues to change around us
You would not believe how long it took me to write that. But it was so much fun.


Quote:

Apart from the fact that Jerry seems to swing from happy to serious to happy to serious, the part 'Jerry sighed.' bugs me a little. Correct me if I'm wrong but something doesn't seem right. It sounds like Jerry was doing the talking in the last sentence. If he was, it should be another line.
It is Haley speaking there, but it bugs me too. See, logically, 'Jerry sighed' should not be getting its own line, as it's not actually a separate idea (i.e. he's sighing at what Haley said). For now, all I can do is try and avoid that situation, unless someone points me to a grammatical rule to contradict what I've learned.


Quote:

Yes I'm sadistic. This part really caught my attention due to the gore involved.
Yes, I am too. You'll be glad to know we'll be investigating this further.

So, thanks for reviewing! Your input is always eagerly anticipated. And welcome back.

Bay July 30th, 2009 5:19 PM

I love how the last line of this chapter is, “His boss scared him sometimes.” XD

I say I like the chapter a lot, mostly as it’s from Haley’s point of view. Seems like she has some doubt about this journey, which of course everyone does if they’re going on an adventure for the first time. I like the realistic approach to that.

The last part is interesting also. Now I’m wondering which side plays the antagonist role, and which side plays the protagonist role…

So far everything’s looking good here. Sorry for no criticism as everyone else pretty much beat me to it. XD

Misheard Whisper July 30th, 2009 6:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bay (Post 4923499)
I love how the last line of this chapter is, “His boss scared him sometimes.” XD

I just had to inject some humour into an otherwise serious scene, didn't I? You don't think it killed the mood, do you?

Quote:

I say I like the chapter a lot, mostly as it’s from Haley’s point of view. Seems like she has some doubt about this journey, which of course everyone does if they’re going on an adventure for the first time. I like the realistic approach to that.
Thank you kindly. Realism is one thing we don't see enough of in fanfiction, and I'm honoured you think I've achieved that.

Quote:

The last part is interesting also. Now I’m wondering which side plays the antagonist role, and which side plays the protagonist role…
I'm not quite following you here . . . *is febrile*

Quote:

So far everything’s looking good here. Sorry for no criticism as everyone else pretty much beat me to it. XD
Tahnkoo, com agen! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

Caliban July 31st, 2009 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
“Can you hold this in place for me?” she asked, gesturing to the spotlight. Shaking his head in exasperation, he took it and placed it beside the camera.

“Duct tape?” he prompted.

Wow. They have duct tape? Just goes to show, it's stickyness DOES permeate the multiverse!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
This information, too, was fed into the computer, which used the information to add to its fully rendered 3-D model of the room.

The technology involved was truly wonderful, he reflected as he checked the laptop’s display.

I couldn't agree with Samuel more, even though he is a bloody-handed murderous Galactic Grunt! By the way, does he have a Glameow or a Zubat?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Police Commando
“Oof!”

Can you keep a count of how many times people say Oof?


No errors in this half...
Kthxbai,
Pich_u

EDIT: Whoops... The lag got the better of me! I posted before you did! ^_^

Misheard Whisper July 31st, 2009 11:15 PM

Chapter 6 - Dragons in the Closet
 
Chapter 6


Dragons in the Closet


June 16, 2000



Samuel was not his real name. It was just the name he chose to be called by. Nobody who knew his real name was still alive. He had seen to that personally.

Samuel had always preferred to work alone. For the first fifteen years of his life, he had been home-schooled by his father. He had refused point-blank to leave the house. As a result, the other kids his age never even knew he existed. And that was the way he liked it.

Today, however, he was being forced to work with a partner. Li was pleasant enough, but she was an outsider nonetheless. Glancing across the gloomy cavern, he watched her carefully photographing ancient carvings. Her long brown hair was tied back so as to stay out of her eyes, and she had, like him, discarded the silver uniform in favour of a more practical outfit. Fiddling with the tripod, she attempted to align the powerful spotlight with the camera lens. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw him looking and beckoned him over. Reluctantly, he picked his way through the rubble to her side.

“Can you hold this in place for me?” she asked, gesturing to the spotlight. Shaking his head in exasperation, he took it and placed it beside the camera.

“Duct tape?” he prompted.

“Oh! Good idea!” she said, rifling through her pack. Pulling out a roll of tape, she tore off several strips and affixed them to the ensemble on the tripod. When Samuel took his hands away, it stayed where it was.

“Good. Keep taking those photos,” he said, heading back to the other side of the cave, where his own camera was mounted. Carefully, he lifted it a few inches to the left and pressed the ‘calibrate’ button. Whirring softly, the camera adjusted to its new position and sent the information wirelessly to the laptop on the floor behind him. Pressing the ‘capture’ button, Samuel slowly panned the camera from left to right for a couple of seconds. This information, too, was fed into the computer, which used the information to add to its fully rendered 3-D model of the room.

The technology involved was truly wonderful, he reflected as he checked the laptop’s display. A partially-complete model of the room filled the screen, with little bits filling themselves in constantly as Li’s camera continued to feed information in.

Taking the camera and spotlight off the tripod, he held them up, calibrating the camera again and panning it from left to right. The cave had been artificially expanded, he had concluded. It hadn’t been dug out by hand, but manually smoothed out and carved into a rough square shape. A strip of carvings ran around all four walls, starting at about chest height and stretching up high enough that Samuel could just touch the top of them. As a result, documenting them was easier for him than it was for Li, who was more than a head shorter.

Again checking the laptop, Samuel was pleased to see that they were more than half done. The boss would be pleased with the results, and he might even be permitted to take leave. He’d go somewhere far away for a couple of weeks. Hoenn, perhaps. Somewhere where nobody knew him, and he knew nobody. He could wander the roads in peace and solitude. Both of which are becoming increasingly difficult to find, he reflected bitterly, glancing across at Li, who was still fiddling with her camera.

As he went to move his camera again, Samuel noticed something, one of the carvings he had already documented. It depicted a large, four-legged dragon-like Pokémon with its head thrown back. A large ball was floating in front of its head. It was unremarkable in that the same Pokémon was featured in many other carvings around the wall, but something about this particular carving struck a chord within him. It seemed somewhat . . . familiar, even though he’d never seen the image before.

Dismissing it as a passing fancy, Samuel returned to taking photographs.


***


An hour and a half later, they were finally finished. Checking the laptop screen one final time, Samuel made sure that the entire band of carvings was recorded. They were.

“Excellent,” he said aloud. “Let’s move. I don’t want to be stuck here any longer than I have to be.”

“It’s quite nice here,” Li said absently. “It’s . . . peaceful.” Samuel snorted.

“Sure. Now, let’s go.” He turned to leave, but froze when he heard a voice echoing through the cavern.

“This is the Eterna Police Force! We know you’re in there! Come out right now or we will have no other option than to use force!” it said. It was a distinctly male voice; one that obviously belonged to someone big. Really big. Li swore.

“It’s the police!” she hissed. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“We wait.”

“This is your last warning!”

“We choose to disregard your warning,” Samuel said calmly. He wasn’t shouting, but his voice carried easily. “We will remain in here until we finish our business.”

“You have no business here.” The voice was getting closer, accompanied by multiple sets of footsteps. “This is a National Heritage Site, and it’s off-limits. You’ve caused great structural damage with your . . . excavations.” The footsteps paused, right outside the chamber currently occupied by Samuel and Li.

“I get the feeling these guys aren’t your everyday police officers,” Li muttered. “Can you see how many of them there are?” Peering through the crumbling hole in the wall, Samuel tried to discern details. There appeared to be three officers, although it was too dark to really tell.

“We know who you’re working for. Come with us, and we won’t be forced to . . . damage you.” It was a loaded statement. Samuel chuckled.

“This is tiresome. If you think you can get me, come have a go!”

“If you insist.” Without another word, their opponents charged. It was immediately evident that these were not normal policemen. For one thing, all three of them were well over six feet tall, and heavily muscled. Samuel smiled, imagining one of them explaining the Road Code to five-year-olds. For another, they were dressed in black commando uniforms. He didn’t have time to take in much else, as the policemen were on top of him before he could get a better look.

Two of them went for him, and the third barrelled at Li. Samuel ducked under a punch and elbowed the offender in the back as he passed, sending him off balance. He turned back to deal with the other assailant, ducking again and flipping the second man over his back with barely a thought. He crashed into the wall and lay on the floor, moaning. The first man had regained his balance by this point, however, and he circled Samuel warily, watching him through narrowed eyes.

Deciding to take the initiative this time, Samuel dropped to the floor – for a third time – sweeping his leg around in a wide arc, cutting his opponent’s legs from under him. He fell like a log, but managed to grab Samuel’s leg as he went, pulling them both to the ground in a tangle of limbs.

Samuel straddled the other man and delivered a series of heavy punches to his face. The man grunted in pain, but his hands shot up and grabbed Samuel by the neck, attempting to choke him. Evidently they’d given up on the whole ‘come with us’ thing, he concluded as the policeman rolled over to pin him beneath his massive frame. His opponent’s hands were huge and strong, crushing his windpipe easily.

Definitely not normal policemen.

“You really,” he choked out, “don’t . . . know . . . what you’re . . . getting into!” With the last word, he drove his knee up into the man’s stomach.

“Oof!” he grunted, loosening his grip slightly. That was all Samuel needed. Grabbing the man by the shoulders, he tossed him off him, getting to his feet unsteadily. Rubbing his neck, he glared at the policeman.

“Lights out,” he said, before kicking the stunned man in the face and knocking him out cold. Breathing a little more easily, Samuel glanced across at Li. She was backed up into the corner while the third policeman swung punches at her with his meaty fists. She was hard-pressed to keep dodging.

Sighing in exasperation, Samuel removed a small metal object from his belt and flung it across the room. The sharp iron star buried itself in the back of Li’s assailant’s neck, and he fell to the ground with a cry. He didn’t get up. Breathing heavily, Li examined the weapon.

“A shuriken?” she asked. “What are you, a freaking ninja?” Samuel’s lip curved in half-amusement.

“I have many skills,” he said, striding across and removing the shuriken from the man’s neck. “You, on the other hand, are completely useless in a fight. Pack up the laptop, and let’s go.” She glared at him, but said nothing and did as she was told. Samuel nodded in satisfaction. “Cyrus will be pleased.”


***




“I need some air,” Tyson said, standing up and heading for a door at the end of the room which he presumed led outside.

“OK,” Haley said, “but don’t be long. I need someone to talk to!” Fair enough, Tyson reasoned as he turned the doorknob. Jerry’s still talking to the captain, and Matthew hardly makes for good conversation. He felt a little guilty leaving his sister with that weirdo, but it was only for a few minutes, after all.

Matthew was a really strange guy, Tyson reflected. He barely said a word, and always seemed to be somewhat . . . guarded, as if he didn’t want anything to do with the rest of the world. He didn’t display any emotion – unless you counted sulkiness – even when faced with a completely alien situation. There was something about him that wasn’t quite right, and Tyson decided he was going to get down to working out what it was later.

The door did, in fact, lead out on to the deck, a small, narrow area coated in the same flaking white paint as the rest of the ship. Closing the door behind him, Tyson made his way around to the back – or the stern, he reminded himself – of the ship, where he stood and watched their wake frothing behind them.

He was leaving it all behind, but it didn’t matter. He’d come back, he knew that. He’d come back, go to university, and write that novel. He could have a normal life. But for now, he was living a dream. True, he had never wanted this with the same passion that Haley had, but nevertheless, it was definitely something he’d always wanted to do.

“And that, Tyson, is why you’re different.” He whirled around. Standing right behind him was a familiar green-clad figure, cloak flapping slightly in the breeze.

“How did you get here?” he demanded. She simply laughed.

“I’m everywhere, Tyson. I’m here now, but in five minutes I might be back in Sunyshore. I might be waiting for you in Pastoria. I might be back at home . . .” She trailed off slightly wistfully.

“What? How do you mean?”

“Never mind. It’s best you don’t know that.” He could tell he wasn’t getting anything on that particular subject, so he changed tack.

“What do you want? Why are you following us?”

“I am attempting to prevent the Pokémon Journey Program. But that’s not why I called you out here.”

“Wait! What do you mean, you called me out here? I just came out for some air!”

“But do you recall why you needed air?” she asked, sounding faintly amused. Thinking back, he couldn’t. All he could remember was suddenly announcing that he needed air. “You see?” she prompted.

“You’re messing with my head, you crazy psycho!” he yelled. This wasn’t right. She was manipulating him somehow.

“How rude,” she murmured. “I have a name, you know. But on second thoughts, I can’t tell you that. So please, call me Elina.”

“Fine,” said Tyson, fighting to calm his breathing. “Whatever. So, Elina, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go back inside right now and get Jerry.”

“For one thing, I most certainly wouldn’t be here when you get back,” she said. “For another, I just want to talk to you.” Tyson’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Why?”

“You’re not like the others, Tyson. Remember how I said everyone would end up being a professional Pokémon Trainer, with no useful trade skills? Because almost everyone would want to be a high and mighty Pokémon Master?”

“I recall something of the sort . . .” Tyson said through gritted teeth.

“But you, Tyson. I know you’ll come back. Even if thousands of other Pokémon Trainers never come back, I know you will. Because you have a dream. So essentially, Tyson, what I’m trying to say is . . . I have no quarrel with you.”

“That’s absurd,” he said. “Your logic is hardly consistent. Just yesterday, you were completely against all of us. You even turned up in a dream last night, trying to convince me not to go! How did you do that, anyway? Was it just a coincidence?”

“Again, it is best you do not know. As for why I have changed my mind, well . . . I am just as human as you are, Tyson. I am subject to human faults, and human whims. I feel no need to prevent you from undertaking your Pokémon Journey. However,” she said, drawing herself up a little, “I have a job to do. I have been charged with preventing the Pokémon Journey Program, and that is what I will do. Just remember, it’s . . . nothing personal.” Tyson blinked, and she was gone.

“Wha-?” He glanced around in all directions, but there was no sign of ‘Elina’, as she had wanted to be called. No evidence remained that their conversation had ever taken place. Jerry needs to know about this, he thought as he dashed back to the door he had exited from. This is weird, even from the little I know of this strange person.

But then again, he reasoned, why do I need to tell them? I have a strange feeling that this is . . . not something that needs to be shared. Bizarre. No, he decided, he was not going to tell Jerry and the others about this. Not even Haley.

Jerry was back from his chat, he saw as he opened the door. The blonde looked up; he was grinning again. Weird. He’s all serious one minute, and carefree the next. What is with him?

“Yo, Tyson!” Jerry said happily. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” For a split second, Tyson considered saying ‘I think I have’, but dismissed the thought immediately. Jerry didn’t really need to know, did he?

“It’s just . . . a little cold out there,” he said finally, reclaiming his seat. “No problem.”

No problem at all.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Caliban July 31st, 2009 11:23 PM

And now for the rest of it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
“OK,” Haley said, “but don’t be long. I need someone to talk to!” Fair enough, Tyson reasoned as he turned the doorknob. Jerry’s still talking to the captain, and Matthew hardly makes for good conversation. He felt a little guilty leaving his sister with that weirdo, but it was only for a few minutes, after all.



I feel that having Tyson's thought on the same line as Haley's speech isn't so good...

Quote:

“You’re messing with my head, you crazy psycho!” he yelled. This wasn’t right. She was manipulating him somehow.


Best line in this chapter. What made you choose the title?


Citrinin July 31st, 2009 11:25 PM

Another brilliant chapter. Definitely my favourite chapter so far. :D I'm especially intirgued by Samuel.

Misheard Whisper July 31st, 2009 11:31 PM

Samuel would have to be my favourite character to write. He's such a badass. And I felt the fic needed a little more action ^_^ KA-ZAMM!

So, glad you're enjoying it!

Miz en Scène August 1st, 2009 12:55 AM

Another excellent chapter SD. I've only got a few nitpicks at a glance.

Quote:

Matthew was a really strange guy, he reflected. He barely said a word, and always
Am I missing something or is this a bit repetitive. You could have put

'Tyson reflected. He barely said a word,'.

Or, if you want to say Matthew was the one doing the reflecting (even though that wouldn't make sense right there)

'Matthew was a really strange guy. He reflected, he barely said a word,

Personally, I'd go for the first one.


Quote:

Standing right behind him was a familiar green-clad figure, cloaking flipping slightly in the breeze.
'cloaking flipping slightly in the breeze'?
Just so you know, the definition of flipping and Cloaking:
Flip Verb
[flipping, flipped]
1. to throw (something light or small) carelessly
2. to turn (something) over: flip the fish on its back
3. to turn (a device or machine) on or off by quickly pressing a switch
4. to throw (an object such as a coin) so that it turns in the air
5. flip through to look at (a book or magazine) idly

and cloaking

cloak (klhttp://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/omacr.gifk)n.1. A loose outer garment, such as a cape.
2. Something that covers or conceals: a cloak of secrecy.

tr.v. cloaked, cloak·ing, cloaks To cover or conceal with or as if with a cloak. See Synonyms at clothe, disguise, hide1.

Cloaking is a transitive verb (Action) so there probably should be a noun at the end. (I think, but I'm not sure.). Another thing, flipping is not the correct word used here. I think flapping should be a better substitute here.

The sentence should/could read
'Standing right behind him was a familiar green-clad figure, cloak flapping slightly in the breeze.'

Definition of flap that you want to use is;
flap (flhttp://img.tfd.com/hm/GIF/abreve.gifp)n.1. A flat, usually thin piece attached at only one side.
2. A projecting or hanging piece usually intended to double over and protect or cover: the flap of an envelope.
3. a. The act of waving or fluttering: the flap of the flag in the wind.
b. The sound produced by this motion.

4. A blow given with something flat; a slap.
5. A variable control surface on the trailing edge of an aircraft wing, used primarily to increase lift or drag.
6. Either of the folded ends of a book jacket that fit inside the front and back covers.
7. Medicine Tissue that has been partially detached and used in surgical grafting to fill an adjacent defect or cover the cut end of a bone after amputation.
8. Linguistics A sound articulated by a single, quick touch of the tongue against the teeth or alveolar ridge, as (t) in water. Also called tap1.
9. Informal A commotion or disturbance: a flap in Congress over the defense budget.


Quote:

But then again, he reasoned, why do I need to tell them? I have a strange feeling that this is . . . not something that needs to be shared. Bizarre. No, he decided, he was not going to tell Jerry and the others about this. Not even Haley.
Is this hypnosis? If so, you portrayed it subtly and perfectly. To me, it seems a bit OOC that Tyson would act this way unless being manipulated.

Well, that ends my review. Good Luck!

Giratina ♀ August 1st, 2009 6:27 AM

Mhm, mhm. Samuel is a pretty interesting character, as is Li. Galactic agents, probably. The fight was done pretty well, but admittedly the whole shuriken thing sort of came out of nowhere. Matthew is starting to remind me of someone. And now, for a few minor nitpickeries:

Quote:

Cyrus will be pleased.”
I don't remember anyone in Team Galactic ever referencing Magneton Man Cyrus by name, or at least any of the Grunts. They always used 'Boss' (as a prefix or a name), 'Leader,' or some variation thereof. So unless these guys are very high-ranking in the Team, they should probably be doing that too.

...Other than the whole 'cloaking flapping' deal, I think you're doing really well with this! ^^ Elina is definitely starting to make me suspicious of her 'We're both human with human dreams and desires' comment. And as for how she is everywhere at once, I'm starting to think these green-cloaked people are all different women in the same outfit. It would explain why she wouldn't want Tyson using her real name, because the other Green-Cloaked Anti-Pokéleague People would all have different names than she did.

Right? O -O

Misheard Whisper August 1st, 2009 12:23 PM

K. Mixan, that first part. I thought it was fairly easy to see what was going on there, but evidently it's not as easy as I thought, so I've changed it. As for 'cloaking flipping' . . . well, that was a total screw-up, so I've changed that too. ^_^ I know this is no real excuse, but the second half of the chapter (from where Tyson went outside) was written in a fevered delirium, and I haven't eaten since Thursday. But as I said, that's no excuse for shoddy writing.

And hypnosis? O_O How dare you suggest such a completely outrageous plot device that will absolutely not be used in any of my fics ever!!!?!!1!>!11?1i9!? >:[

And Giratina of Never-Turn-Back . . . *goes to change ur name in PM list* Samuel's high-ranking, is he? We'll see, we'll see . . . Kekekeke. That was intended to be the 'omgwtfreveal' for those who hadn't been paying close enough attention to realise that we were dealing with Magneton Man Cyrus.

And I'm afraid I'll have to shoot down your theory about Elina and co. She's a wind spirit with a bad attitude. Just kidding, there aren't any elemental spirits (yet), but it's still not that. Good idea, though. Apart from the fact that Jerry has encountered multiple cultists at the same time. Although that could just be genjutsu.

Anyway, thank you very much for reading and reviewing, and I'm glad I've managed to keep you guys interested for this long!

And Pich_u . . . Skype.

Bay August 2nd, 2009 8:45 PM

Ack, Giratina already said some of the criticism I want to talk about. :O Been busy, so yeah.

Going to say Samuel is indeed an interesting character and the action is done well. However, I don't know, I would think someone who's never been outside for most of his life would have a hard time interacting with people and not be able to kick butt. XD Then again, sometimes you can't judge a book by its cover. :P

Hm, so there's no other different Elinas, huh? Yeah, have to agree with Tyson that I too am confused why she said he's doom the first time they meet and then after that she said he'll be fine. O.o Probably missing something here...

Nothing else much to say but nice work on this chapter and can't wait for the next one!

Misheard Whisper August 2nd, 2009 10:30 PM

How did I not see your review, huh? HOW? *headbang* Anyway . . .
Quote:

Originally Posted by Bay (Post 4938714)

Going to say Samuel is indeed an interesting character and the action is done well. However, I don't know, I would think someone who's never been outside for most of his life would have a hard time interacting with people and not be able to kick butt. XD Then again, sometimes you can't judge a book by its cover. :P

Hmm, yes. I see where you're coming from. But, may I draw your attention to this . . . ?
Quote:

For the first fifteen years of his life, he had been home-schooled by his father. He had refused point-blank to leave the house.
What happens after those fifteen years will be revealed in due course. ^_~

Quote:

Hm, so there's no other different Elinas, huh? Yeah, have to agree with Tyson that I too am confused why she said he's doom the first time they meet and then after that she said he'll be fine. O.o Probably missing something here...
If you're missing something, then so am I. There is currently no explanation whatsoever, save that wishy-washy excuse she gave about being subject to human whims. ^_^

Quote:

Nothing else much to say but nice work on this chapter and can't wait for the next one!
Coming right up! Well, on Monday. But you get the point. Thanks for stickin' with us!

Legendarian Mistress August 3rd, 2009 4:24 PM

No. Not Professor Oak, surely? It can’t be. Why would Professor Oak work for Cyrus? Are you serious, SD, or are you just making fun of us all?

Oh, and that dragon…? From your description, it sounded as though it was Dialga. Was it?

*gets hyper and jumps up and down*

Will there be a Dialga and Palkia VS Darkrai battle at some point? Please? Please, please, please?

Misheard Whisper August 3rd, 2009 4:53 PM

Er, no, it's most definitely not Professor Oak. The name is the same, yes, but really. I said Samuel refused to leave the house for 15 years, yet in the movie Pokemon 4Ever, we meet a 10-year-old Sammy Oak, already on his Pokemon journey. And can you imagine Oak, at any age, beating the crap out of three heavily built, specially trained adversaries?

As for Dialga/Palkia vs Darkrai . . . well, all I can say is that someone's astute. Just not in the way she might think . . .

Vigilante August 7th, 2009 9:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon (Post 4910697)
I'm happy that you think so, Katherine. As for what was in the spoiler tags . . . I will neither confirm nor deny that.

Then what is inside must be true.

Anyways, this was a pleasure to read, write more or my highly trained sniper will obliterate you.

As for the mistakes, I couldn't find any.

Misheard Whisper August 7th, 2009 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meneur d'enfer (Post 4956682)
Then what is inside must be true.

Orly? Where does this logic come from? I said I would neither confirm nor deny that.

Quote:

Anyways, this was a pleasure to read, write more or my highly trained sniper will obliterate you.
I fear no sniper. Only the whip . . . Thanks for reading, though. There will be more, I promise.

Misheard Whisper August 9th, 2009 9:03 PM

Chapter 7 - Complications
 
Well, it's Monday afternoon, so that means new chapter time! Buckle up, we be gettin' serious nao! =D


Chapter 7


Complications


June 16, 2000


It’s been a while since I’ve been out like this. It’s all so different. There was a whole world out there that Matthew was unfamiliar with. That I’d be perfectly happy to stay unfamiliar with.

I don’t need this! he told himself as Jerry and the others chatted happily. I don’t see why my father decided it would be better for me to see the world. I don’t need ‘life experience’, he knows that. He knows me!

Or . . . did he just want to get rid of me? The thought wasn’t one he liked, but it was entirely possible. Knowing his father . . . knowing him, he’d have packed me off on this journey just so I wasn’t in his way. Matthew’s hand tightened into a fist, scrunching the material of the cushion next to him. Bastard. His father would probably have rented his room out already, sold his CDs and forgotten he existed.

He dimly heard Haley talking to him, asking him something. Her voice sounded as if it was coming from a long way away. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust himself to open his mouth; he was feeling unwell. Getting unsteadily to his feet, he stumbled out the door Tyson had just returned from.

The sea breeze was fresh and salty, whipping spray up into his eyes. Squeezing his eyes shut to avoid the stinging drops, he knelt down on the deck, leaning his forehead against the rail. Why, damn it?


***


That night, in a cold, dank warehouse on Route 222, Cyrus examined Samuel and Li’s findings. The two agents stood before him silently, watching impassively as their boss clicked through the carvings they had found. Eventually, he straightened up, looking directly at them.

“There was no trouble obtaining these images, was there?” he asked.

“We were discovered,” Samuel explained, “by three cops. At least, they said they were cops, but there was something odd about them. They obviously had extensive combat training, and they made no attempt to take us alive once we refused to surrender peacefully.”

“I have heard rumours of a new division of the Sinnoh Police Force being set up,” Cyrus mused. “A division designed to wipe out dangerous criminals first and ask questions never. It sounds like you’ve run into the Black Shirts.” Samuel conjured up a picture of the cops in his mind’s eye. It had been dark, and everything had been happening fast, but yes, he recalled, they had been wearing black.

“Should we be worried about them?” he asked. He wasn’t, but he decided to give Cyrus the benefit of the doubt. If he felt extra precautions needed to be taken, then they would be taken, regardless of whether Samuel felt they were necessary. He was the boss, after all.

“It all depends,” Cyrus said. “How do you believe they discovered you were down there?”

“I don’t know,” Samuel admitted. “It hardly seemed as if they were on a routine check.”

“In that case,” said Cyrus, “they may well know who they were dealing with. I don’t believe you would have told them who you were working for, but nonetheless, they may have made the connection.”

“With all due respect, sir,” interrupted Samuel, “they won’t be making any connections.” He grinned dangerously, casually tapping the knife at his belt.

“Very well, but it will not take them long to find the bodies. They will be on high alert all across Sinnoh.”

“Indeed,” said Samuel, bowing his head slightly.

“Now, as for you,” Cyrus said, turning to Li, who had remained silent since she entered the room. “Do you have anything to add?” Li, who looked surprised at being addressed, nodded shakily.

“Yes, sir. The matter of the, ah . . . Black Shirts, was it? I-I feel I may not . . . may not be able to deal with them if we encounter them again, sir. I’m sorry.” She hung her head.

“Indeed,” Cyrus agreed. “Your specialty is not in combat, but you have unique data analysing skills that make you irreplaceable. As a result, you will be working with Samuel again on your next mission. One of our bots has come across Avos agents excavating something near Solaceon. They’ve since moved out, but it’s up to the pair of you to work out what they were up to, and bring back anything relevant. We need all the evidence we can get.” He took out a double-ended cable, attaching one end to Samuel’s laptop, and the other to his own, which sat next to it.

Samuel glared at Li. So much for taking a break after the mission. He’d have to put up with her for a while longer, it seemed.

“Yes, sir,” he muttered. Cyrus had evidently completed his data transfer, as he removed the cable, closed Samuel’s laptop, and handed it back to him.

“All the specifics for your mission have been transferred to this machine. I know you two work well together, so I’m entrusting you both with the success of this vital operation. Good luck.” Recognising the dismissal, Samuel bowed slightly, turned, and left, Li following suit.

Both remained silent until they were well out of earshot. Once they had left the building, Li spoke up.

“Looks like you’re stuck with me for a while longer, tough guy,” she teased.

“I hate you.”

“I know.”


***


“Listen, guys,” Jerry said, suddenly serious once more. “Matthew’s a little . . . different from you two.”

“We’d noticed,” said Tyson drily. Haley glared at him.

“Yes. Well, look, I need you guys to, I dunno, cut him a little slack. It’s obvious the poor guy’s having trouble with all this, and I don’t want to have to send him home.”

“You can do that?” Tyson queried. “Send us home?”

“Yes,” said Jerry, “I can. If you don’t keep up with your schoolwork, for example, or if I feel you’re struggling with another aspect of the Program, I can put you on the train back to Sunyshore. By the same token, you guys can pull out at any point.”

“So you don’t want to have to kick Matthew out,” Tyson reasoned, “because that would make you look bad, if your students weren’t performing.”

“Well . . . partially,” Jerry admitted. “Mostly for his benefit – the kid’s never done anything remotely like this before, I can tell – but partly for my own sake, yes. Only a little bit, though!” he said hastily. “If I think Matthew would be better off at home, it’s my responsibility to send him back, regardless of how it’d reflect on me. It’s just that right now, this is all new to him, and he needs to get his head round it. So just . . . be nice to him, I guess. How do you imagine the poor kid would be feeling now?”

“Not so great?” Haley ventured.

“Right,” Jerry agreed. “So, can you guys do that? I know he’s a little different to you two, but can you make an effort anyway?”

“Sure,” Tyson said. Haley nodded in agreement.

“Thanks,” said Jerry, exhaling deeply. “That’ll make things so much easier. Now, if you two would get your laptops out, I think there’s a little more calibration that needs to be done. I’d better go talk to Matthew.” He stood and went out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

Tyson glanced at Haley, but didn’t say anything. Although he’d never let on, he was worried about Matthew, too. The guy had never been social or sporty, preferring to sit inside and play handheld video games all lunchtime, while the other kids kicked a ball around or gossiped happily, but since the Pokémon Journey Program had started, he’d seemed downright sickly.

Pushing these thoughts to the back of his mind, Tyson fished his laptop out of his bag, opened it, and plugged in the headphones. The screen flickered into life immediately, and he was greeted by the same cool, female voice as before.

“Good morning, Tyson.” Out of the corner of his eye, Tyson saw Haley carrying her computer down the other end of the room so that they could both speak without disturbing each other.

“Morning, uh . . . Computer?”

“Running start-up checks.” Tyson idly gazed out of the window. He was sitting on the seaward side of the ship, so he couldn’t see Route 222. All he could see were sparkling blue waves. In the distance, a small Pokémon leapt briefly out of the water before dropping back in just as quickly. It happened so fast, he didn’t even have time to identify it. “Start-up checks complete. You have one new message, Tyson. Would you like me to play it?”

“What?” Who could have been sending him messages? “Uh . . . sure. Go ahead.” A window popped up on the screen, and Mr Jay appeared, standing in front of the blackboard in his classroom.

“Hello, everybody!” he said jovially, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. “By the time you receive this message, your Pokémon Journeys should all be underway. I’d like to take the opportunity to wish you all the best of luck! But that’s not the reason I sent you this message. Your computer has a large number of educational programs installed on it, or so I am told. Sometime soon, just have a play around with a few of them. Experiment and find out how everything works. There will be a monthly test on all subjects you were taking at school, with the exception of Pokémon Studies! I feel you will be learning enough about that along the way, eh?” He chortled at his own joke. “So again, good luck, take care of yourselves, and listen to the adult that has been assigned to you!” The window went dark, and the computer’s voice cut in again.

“Would you like to replay the message?”

“Er, no thanks,” Tyson said. “Could I, uh, see some of those educational programs he was talking about?” A list appeared on the screen. Glancing down, Tyson could see Maths, English, Science, Geography, all the subjects he took at school. As well as that, there were other subjects, such as Art, Music, History, and I.T.

“Which subject would you like to explore?” the computer prompted. The subjects he’d been taking at school lit up yellow. It was trying to tell him something.

“Geography, I suppose,” he said. The list disappeared, immediately replaced by a video: an aerial shot of the Sinnoh region, probably taken from the summit of Mt. Coronet. The camera panned from left to right, showing the landscape in all its glory. A voiceover began, and Tyson was surprised to hear the same voice he had been talking to just moments ago.

“The Sinnoh region,” it began. “One of the largest continents in the world, which has remained – geographically – largely unchanged for thousands of years.”

For the next fifteen minutes, Tyson explored the myriad programs on the computer. The level of technology was beyond anything he’d ever seen before.


***


When Jerry cracked the deck door open, he saw Matthew kneeling on the boards, head against the railing, the picture of abject misery. His heart immediately went out to the young man.

“Hey, sport,” he said gently, just loud enough to make himself heard over the noise of the boat’s engine. Crouching down beside him, Jerry laid a friendly arm across his shoulders. Matthew looked up at him, blinking. His eyes were red. “What’s the problem with you, eh?” Jerry asked him.

“I’m . . . fine,” Matthew mumbled, looking out to sea. Jerry chuckled.

“No, you’re not. What’s really the problem? You homesick or something? Miss your dad? It’s OK if that’s it. You can talk to me.” Matthew’s hands squeezed the bar a little tighter.

“I wouldn’t miss that man,” he said in a low, shaky voice, “if he died.” Jerry realised he had hit on a touchy subject.

“Well,” he reasoned, “if you dislike him so much, wouldn’t you be glad to get away for a while?”

“There is that,” Matthew admitted, “but it doesn’t help. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“I’d . . . rather not,” Matthew demurred. Jerry sighed. He’d have to try a different tactic.

“Listen, kid,” he said. “If you’re gonna come on this Pokémon Journey, you’re gonna have to get over whatever your problem is. If you don’t want to be here, that’s too damn bad, because you’re stuck with us until it’s over. I don’t see why you’d rather be at home with a father you evidently dislike, but you’re here now, so you’re gonna have to harden up! We’re a team now. You, Haley, Tyson and I. Not so much me, but you’re not gonna let them down, OK? Because if you screw up, you’ll have me to answer to. And just to clarify, screwing up means,” he counted off on his fingers, “throwing tantrums, failing tests, sulking, or generally acting like a whiny little emo!” Jerry winced inwardly as he said it. Ouch. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that speech. Did I overdo it? But to his surprise, Matthew nodded firmly and stood up, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“OK. You-you’re right.” Without another word, he turned and went back inside.

“Remarkable,” Jerry mused out loud. “All it took was a slightly harsher tone, and he immediately got the point. I wonder . . .” Was it some sort of automatic reaction?

“You’ve certainly got an interesting bunch of kids there, Jerry,” said an unfortunately familiar voice from behind him. He closed his eyes, refusing to turn around.

“You again.” This Avos freak was beginning to get annoying.

“Yes, me again. Do you realise,” she continued, “how easy it would be, right now, to push you over the edge of the boat?”

“Not nearly as easy as it would be for me to jump,” he commented.

“Touché,” she murmured.

“So how exactly do you plan to stop the Project?” he asked her, still not turning around. “You have no Pokémon, and you dislike taking human life. You’re playing a dangerous game.”

“A dangerous game, yes. But like all good games, there is a foolproof method of winning, which would be rendered instantly ineffective should you learn of it. So for now, I will leave you to puzzle over it.”

“So what was the point of coming out here to talk to me?” It didn’t seem that she had turned up just to talk to him. But then, that would suggest she had had some other business here. What could she possibly have been doing on a boat halfway between Sunyshore and Pastoria?

“Just . . . enjoying the view,” she whispered, right in his ear. Jerry jumped and turned around rapidly, but there was nobody there. The only evidence he had been talking to a real person was a slight chuckle, floating away on the breeze.


***


It was the seventh of April, 1998. Jerry had been in Jubilife City on business. As he waited at the train station for the eleven-forty back toward Eterna, there was a colossal explosion a couple of blocks over. Most of the people waiting for the train screamed and ran in the opposite direction. He knew he should steer clear, too, but his Trainer’s instinct made him run towards the billowing pillar of cloud that had once been an office building.

Emergency services had already reached the scene when he arrived. Several bright red fire engines – accompanied by multiple Water-type Pokémon – were hosing down the building, while firemen and paramedics alike attempted to retrieve victims from the wreckage. Through the smoke, Jerry could see that whatever had caused the explosion had torn a huge chunk out of one side of the building about a third of the way up. The road below it was littered with broken glass, metal struts, and various other kinds of burning debris. Cars parked below had been crushed by falling shrapnel.

Jerry was just considering joining the relief effort when the communicator strapped to his wrist bleeped stridently. Checking the display briefly, Jerry hit the answer button and spoke into the tiny microphone.

“Yes, sir?”

“Jeremiah, you’re currently in Jubilife City, correct?” Cyrus was the only one who ever called him by his full name.

“Yes, sir, I am.”

“Good. I need you to get to the northern sector of the city as fast as you can. Sinnoh NewsNet is showing a massive disruption there. I want you to find out-”

“I’m already there, sir,” Jerry cut in, glancing up at the yellow helicopter that was evidently broadcasting to the rest of Sinnoh. “I’m looking at it right now.”

“Excellent. I need you to find out who is responsible. Find out if it’s linked to the bombings in Hearthome. If so, we may be dealing with a new . . . variable in the equation. It is important we keep tabs on any person or group who may be a threat.”

“Understood, sir. I’m on it.”

“Good. I know you’re not an intelligence agent, but you’re the only one we have in the area right now. Don’t fail me.” The line went dead. How old was the boss? Seventeen? Yet he was undoubtedly the boss, and Jerry had a job to do.

Where to begin? How was he to determine who the culprit had been? Every building on the block had been evacuated, so there were confused-looking businessmen milling around everywhere, not to mention dozens of gawking onlookers. Nearby, a tourist in a garish flowered shirt was eagerly snapping photos.

Something caught Jerry’s eye. Not too far away, half-hidden in the shadow of an alleyway, stood a group of people dressed all in green cloaks. He had never seen anything of the kind before. They were talking among themselves, pointing excitedly at the destruction wreaked by the explosion. Then suddenly, they all turned as one and disappeared down the alleyway.

The conscious part of Jerry’s mind was screaming that it wasn’t enough of a lead to follow, and risk missing something at the scene of the crime. But Jerry knew, somehow, that these green-cloaked weirdos were what he was looking for. Taking a deep breath, he followed them down the alleyway.

Bay August 9th, 2009 9:59 PM

I like Matt's POV at the beginning there. Gives the reader more insight of his personality. Great job there! Also, ouch on the scene with Jerry and Matt. If I were Jerry, I wouldn't use the emo word on Matt. :x

The Tyson scene is good too and like how we're able to get a glimpse of the online education. :P

The flashback scene I like too and dang it, you have to leave us at a cliffhanger! XD However, I'm kinda disappointed Jeremiah=Jerry because how when that is mentioned a couple chapters back, it's just too easy to guess Jeremiah is Jerry. Back at that chapter, you could have Cyrus call Jerry by his middle name, a codename, or something.

You're right, this story is getting serious now. :) Great job here and can't wait for next chapter!

Misheard Whisper August 9th, 2009 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bay (Post 4965894)
I like Matt's POV at the beginning there. Gives the reader more insight of his personality. Great job there! Also, ouch on the scene with Jerry and Matt. If I were Jerry, I wouldn't use the emo word on Matt. :x

Jerry could perhaps be accused of being a little insensitive here. ^_^ Even so, it worked, eh?

Quote:

The Tyson scene is good too and like how we're able to get a glimpse of the online education. :P
I liek playing wiv technology. :3

Quote:

The flashback scene I like too and dang it, you have to leave us at a cliffhanger! XD
And guess what? You ain't gonna find out what happens next for quite a while, unless I'm in a really good mood while writing the next chapter. *is evil*
Quote:

However, I'm kinda disappointed Jeremiah=Jerry because how when that is mentioned a couple chapters back, it's just too easy to guess Jeremiah is Jerry. Back at that chapter, you could have Cyrus call Jerry by his middle name, a codename, or something.
I thought about this, but in all honesty, you were meant to work it out. *shrugs*

Quote:

You're right, this story is getting serious now. :) Great job here and can't wait for next chapter!
Thank you! I'm having fun writing this, so I'll get right onto the next chapter! . . . after I finish my homework. D=

Legendarian Mistress August 10th, 2009 6:53 PM

You are absolutely right, SD. Things DO get more intense in this chapter. But what’s with Matthew? Is his father abusive or something?

Misheard Whisper August 10th, 2009 8:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kanto Lover (Post 4969336)
But what’s with Matthew? Is his father abusive or something?

That'd be telling, though, now wouldn't it? Kekekekekekekekeke.

Miz en Scène August 11th, 2009 2:30 AM

This just keeps getting better. :D

I didn't find any mistakes this time (unless I'm missing something) but nevertheless, it hasn't stopped me from leaving this review.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkling Dragon
“Listen, kid,” he said. “If you’re gonna come on this Pokémon Journey, you’re gonna have to get over whatever your problem is. If you don’t want to be here, that’s too damn bad, because you’re stuck with us until it’s over. I don’t see why you’d rather be at home with a father you evidently dislike, but you’re here now, so you’re gonna have to harden up! We’re a team now. You, Haley, Tyson and I. Not so much me, but you’re not gonna let them down, OK? Because if you screw up, you’ll have me to answer to. And just to clarify, screwing up means,” he counted off on his fingers, “throwing tantrums, failing tests, sulking, or generally acting like a whiny little emo!” Jerry winced inwardly as he said it. Ouch. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that speech. Did I overdo it? But to his surprise, Matthew nodded firmly and stood up, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand.

Lol'd at 'emo kid'.
And, Matthew is kind of weird. But I guess you want him to be that way. ;D
Though, the lack of conflict disturbs me.

Misheard Whisper August 11th, 2009 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mizan Nix Zamnie (Post 4970292)
This just keeps getting better. :D

I didn't find any mistakes this time (unless I'm missing something) but nevertheless, it hasn't stopped me from leaving this review.

What's this? Mizan can't find anything? o_O

Quote:

Lol'd at 'emo kid'.
And, Matthew is kind of weird. But I guess you want him to be that way. ;D
Though, the lack of conflict disturbs me.
Lack of conflict where? In general, or are we still talking about Matthew?
Thanks for reading, though.

Citrinin August 13th, 2009 12:04 AM

This chapter was incredible. It's getting serious now. ;D Two things stuck out to me:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkles
If you don’t want to be here, that’s too damn bad, because you’re stuck with us until it’s over.

This was just after Jerry had explained to the others that they could pull out at any time. Of course, if it's intentional and he's lying (and he seems to be the kind of character that doesn't mind dishonesty) forget I said anything. :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkles
stood a group of people dressed all in green cloaks, maybe .

"maybe ." should be "maybe."

Misheard Whisper August 13th, 2009 1:33 AM

Quote:

This was just after Jerry had explained to the others that they could pull out at any time.
iirc, it was just after Jerry had explained that he could kick them out at any time, not the other way round. And he's already established he doesn't wanna do that. Plus, he was going pretty spazz throughout that whole paragraph, so yeah.

As for that 'maybe', it shouldn't even have been there in the first place. *fixes*

Citrinin August 13th, 2009 1:37 AM

Uh, actually, you said:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkles
If you don’t keep up with your schoolwork, for example, or if I feel you’re struggling with another aspect of the Program, I can put you on the train back to Sunyshore. By the same token, you guys can pull out at any point.”

That is to say, Jerry can kick them out and they can leave willingly.

Misheard Whisper August 13th, 2009 1:41 AM

Orite. ^_^ *doesn't know own story* Well, he's not planning on telling Matthew that any time soon. He told Tyson and Haley because he knows they wouldn't take him up on it. It would reflect on him, remember?

Citrinin August 13th, 2009 1:42 AM

OK. XD Just making sure you had that right, there. ;] Like I said, he doesn't seem all that averse to being deceptive. :P

Miz en Scène August 16th, 2009 6:48 PM

Quote:

Lack of conflict where? In general, or are we still talking about Matthew?
Thanks for reading, though.
I was talking about the way Matt reacted to Jerry's speech. Just to clarify.XD

Quote:

“OK. You-you’re right.” Without another word, he turned and went back inside.

“Remarkable,” Jerry mused out loud. “All it took was a slightly harsher tone, and he immediately got the point. I wonder . . .” Was it some sort of automatic reaction?
Weird kid. O_0
But still, it doesn't detract from the main storyline so I'm not to worried...
Great chapter though. ^________^

Next one should be up today am I right? (It said so on page one if I'm not mistaken)

Misheard Whisper August 16th, 2009 7:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mizan Nix Zamnie (Post 4996992)
I was talking about the way Matt reacted to Jerry's speech. Just to clarify.XD


Weird kid. O_0
But still, it doesn't detract from the main storyline so I'm not to worried...
Great chapter though. ^________^

Ah, I see what you mean. That was intentional, however. I'm glad someone picked up on that, though.

Quote:

Next one should be up today am I right? (It said so on page one if I'm not mistaken)
D8 I'm afraid not. I've got a big event on this month, and it's taking hours out of my day. I haven't got a chapter for you today, but it'll be up . . . well, when it's up. Sorry~!


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