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Pokémon! The Rising of an Aura Guardian!
“Sir Aaron had rescued the entire kingdom by utilizing the power of aura with that of the Tree of beginning; the forces that threaten Cameran palace became peaceful and understanding… Queen Rin knew that forever more the kingdom would gone happily ever after” Adam just stares straight up at his father Bradley who had just read him a story. His bright blue eyes grew wide as he asked “Wow, and we’re related to Sir Aaron?!” His father responded with a sly smile “Well, he is believed to be one of our ancestors”
… Eight years later Adam was watching the conclusion of the Elite Cup a battle of the Pokémon league’s greatest trainers. It was the Sinnoh champion Cynthia against Frontier Brain Palmer. “Smash’em with Hammer Arm Rhyperior” commanded Palmer. Rhyperior charged towards Garchomp who manage to dodge it. Garchomp clenched onto Rhyperior with a blazing Fire Fang. But Rhyperior didn’t seem damaged. “Let’s show them your Dragon Pulse” yelled Cynthia. But, Garchomp defended itself with Protect. “Finish this with Rock Wrecker” cried Palmer. “Enough is enough Giga impact” said Cynthia. As soon as the two titans were about to clash Adam’s TV turned off. “What the” yelled Adam. “Honey, don’t you want to join us downstairs after all it is your going away party” said his mother Delilah. Her Delcatty hopped onto his bed she purred as Adam petted her gently. Tomorrow would not only mark Adam’s fifteen birthday but the day he would also start his journey on becoming A Pokémon trainer. “Don’ you think I should catch some shut out that way we’re not late for Professor Rowan tomorrow” he told him mom who simply replied ‘Alright… good luck getting her off” referring to her Delcatty who had fallen asleep. As soon as she left he turned back on the TV he was too late they had moved on to how Crime was on the rise in sinnoh. Adam laid in his bed thinking about what Pokémon he would choose. He imagined him commanding A Turtwig to strike Palmer’s Rhyperior with A Razor Leaf than He thought about Chimchar hitting Cynthia’s Garchomp dead on with flame wheel… and finally Piplup taking both the champs down with Whirlpool. Adam soon fell asleep suddenly his eyes opened giving off a radiant light. Meanwhile in Vulcan’s Canyon a Lucario was jumping cliff to cliff trying to get away from whatever was chasing her. She held on carefully to her egg. Helicopters printed with a capital G on the side appeared in the horizon. Uniformed criminals we’re tossing strange looking Pokéballs at fleeing Pokémon. Lairons alongside Arons tried to escape but it was no use. The same went for Torkoals who tried avoiding them by using iron defense and Sanshrews who tried burrowing underground. Even Steelix’s weren’t strong enough. Suddenly they sent out a swarm of Zubats who tried confusing Lucario with Supersonic. But her loyal friend of hers Flygon blasted them with a Dragonbreath. One of the Commanders Jupiter sent out his Toxicroak who struck Lucario with Poison Jab knocking her off her balance. She lost hold of her egg, she was soon captured. Flygon dive down to retrieve the egg but he couldn’t catch it in time. The egg splash into the river and strolled down the powerful current... Aaron came back to his senses the extraordinary light that had shine in his eyes had faded back to normal. He quickly woke up to discover that it was still night time and Delcatty laid across his lap. He petted her causing her to purr. "What a crazy dream" he thought to himself but for some reason it felt to real as if he we're actually there. Little did he know that what he just witness was not figment of his imagination but reality and his destiny all wrapped in one To Be Continued!? |
Fair warning, I'm not going to be showing you every little mistake you make, though I like to help better any storyline faults.
I give you this warning because I shall be reading the story. It's good, and I can't wait for more!! |
First off, don't try and change the font. It's no fun, even if Arial is technically a font allowed in the rules.
Quote:
You're writing on Word, which is a good thing, and you're using the accent E, which is a better thing. Your plot seems to be steady, if a little bland and undescribed - which is one of your problems. You need to explain stuff more! Make the scene feel like it could actually happen, with all the unnecessary comments of a character's dialogue! Tell us what the Pokémon and the characters look like! That brings me to another point: check your info before you post it. If I recall correctly, you called Saturn 'Jupiter'... that can be fixed by a simple Bulbapedia check, you know. Also, you need to brush up on grammar skills. There's plenty of online places where you can learn the simple ways to refine your writing, including capitalization, commas, and working with tenses (some of your big problems). However, until you do that, your story is a jumbled mess and pretty hard to follow. Good luck. |
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