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-   -   Poems by PuNkSter (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=215790)

PuNkSter April 20th, 2010 6:01 AM

Poems by PuNkSter
 
Hey. I wrote some poems and I thought it be nice sharing them to you all. But this is the first time I'm sharing it to anyone and they are personal but I don't mind sharing them to you.

Angle of Depression

It's starting to be a trend
Being forgotten is what I meant
I truly don't understand
Why people these days are so ignorant

I want to get out of this place
I'd try and end up on my face
I want to get out of here
But gravity, just won't let me

The memories that were left behind
Lachrymatory enfiltrates my eyes
The answers I'm trying to find
Who's going to help the lone wolf as it dies?

I want to get out of here
But gravity, just won't let me
I want to get out of this place
I'd try and end up on my face

Plan C

Well everybody it's been great
I enjoyed the ride
Unfortunately my time has come to an end
At least I tried
Thanks for helping me but
I made up my mind
No need to be caring for me anymore
The feelings must have died
The smiles I gave back to your responses
Sorry, that's how I lied
No one, Nobody, I know
Will ever be by my side
Time for Plan C, my suicide

Pinkychu April 20th, 2010 6:43 PM

Hello again Punkster! I didn't know you write poetry lol But anyway, those poems seemed really deep. I enjoyed reading them. I felt like they flowed nicely and they moved me emotionally. I'm not an expert grammatically-wise when it comes to poetry, but I noticed a few minor spelling errors.

In the first poem, 3rd stanza, 3rd line, the 'i' should be capitalized. In the second poem, 1st line, 'everbody' should be 'everybody.' (unless it's like a rap song lol)

Again, I'm not an expert on poetry but overall IMO these were pretty good. :)

PuNkSter April 21st, 2010 12:45 PM

Thank you very much Pinkychu :) and thanks for pointing the mistakes, I corrected them now. I was kind of in a hurry typing these cause i had to go to school.

Zirkle38 April 23rd, 2010 5:51 PM

I like Plan C better, the first one doesn't seem to flow as much as the second one,

PuNkSter April 26th, 2010 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zirkle38 (Post 5744738)
I like Plan C better, the first one doesn't seem to flow as much as the second one,

Angle of Depression was one of my first poems I wrote and Plan C was like my latest poem I wrote. I don't write poems often, only when I feel the urge to so I somewhat agree that the first one didn't flow as the second one but I like both.

PuNkSter May 20th, 2010 6:21 AM

I wrote a new poem and it's longer than the two previous poems I posted. I had some time to sit down and write it so tell me what you think.



Separation

I lay down on my back, face towards the sky
Out in the distance
A big patch of grey clouds are about to cry

Today's forecast lied and nobody told me there was chance for rain
If it is broken, you can still fix it but it won't be the same

I am happy you parted ways
I am mad that there were delays
As the pictures start to fade
Quickly rip off the band-aid

Like turning a page, what is left is rage
And a chapter unlocked by a key
All the things you did, become limited
When the knot unties itself loosely

I got the forks and you get the butterknife
Stab one another
I pronounce you no longer husband and wife

Our hands are clinging onto every inch of burn from your ropes
Loss of interest drags us along dirt, gravel and broken hopes

A decision without a choice
An argument that has one voice
What happens after good-bye?
We are left wondering why

Rain started to pour right along the shore
Where it washes the scenes of the past
Anchors make ships sink with only one blink
Left a blue coat in the sky, at last

TJgamer May 20th, 2010 4:44 PM

I don't have much to say about this one. But this one is simply...beautiful.

PuNkSter May 21st, 2010 5:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TJgamer (Post 5816230)
I don't have much to say about this one. But this one is simply...beautiful.

Thanks. :) I wrote Separation based on what was happening in my life recently which has not happened yet.

Scales May 21st, 2010 6:48 PM

Separation was quite good. Very well designed imagery and structure

I hope to see more

kokopuffchan May 26th, 2010 3:52 AM

that is absolutely gorgeous. the feeling is great. i'll try to keep checking for updates. <3
also, i do have a suggestion. i think it may flow better in the first stanza if you say "patch" rather than "big patch". it's just a suggestion though. wonderful work. <3

PuNkSter May 26th, 2010 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kokopuffchan (Post 5830082)
that is absolutely gorgeous. the feeling is great. i'll try to keep checking for updates. <3
also, i do have a suggestion. i think it may flow better in the first stanza if you say "patch" rather than "big patch". it's just a suggestion though. wonderful work. <3

Thanks very much. :) I don't write poems very often. Only write them when something comes across my mind and I have that "Feeling" to write it.

kokopuffchan May 26th, 2010 1:33 PM

i definitely know what you mean. since poetry is emotional, there's no way to just pop out poems at will. you have to feel what you're writing or it's not good.
keep up the good work. <3

PuNkSter August 13th, 2011 3:05 PM

I don't mean to be reviving old threads. But it's been awhile, over a year now since I last posted on this thread. I didn't really want to start a new thread by all means since all my poems are in one thread already. So over the course of a year since i last posted, a lot has happened you could say. I don't write poems that often so this might be the last one you will see. Or you could just expect another one next year lol.

Sunken Last Will

It drips, everytime you forget
Can you please turn off the faucet?
Plunge into my thoughts
And maybe
You would know
What's pulling me
From down below

Why don't you dive into the blue?
The water is not shallow like you
Filter me out
Because I don't know how to swim
So I drowned
To the bottom of the ocean
Nowhere to be found

A sign of all my struggles
When voices turn into bubbles
Resurfaces to shout
This message I'm trying to say
Is drenched in my shame
But slowly makes it's way
Through self blame

Cork chokes the neck till it's dead
The piece of paper is left unread
Feelings are kept inside
Covered in glass
It's so fragile
Nothing ever lasts
Like my smile


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