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Poems by PuNkSter
Hey. I wrote some poems and I thought it be nice sharing them to you all. But this is the first time I'm sharing it to anyone and they are personal but I don't mind sharing them to you.
Angle of Depression It's starting to be a trend Being forgotten is what I meant I truly don't understand Why people these days are so ignorant I want to get out of this place I'd try and end up on my face I want to get out of here But gravity, just won't let me The memories that were left behind Lachrymatory enfiltrates my eyes The answers I'm trying to find Who's going to help the lone wolf as it dies? I want to get out of here But gravity, just won't let me I want to get out of this place I'd try and end up on my face Plan C Well everybody it's been great I enjoyed the ride Unfortunately my time has come to an end At least I tried Thanks for helping me but I made up my mind No need to be caring for me anymore The feelings must have died The smiles I gave back to your responses Sorry, that's how I lied No one, Nobody, I know Will ever be by my side Time for Plan C, my suicide |
Hello again Punkster! I didn't know you write poetry lol But anyway, those poems seemed really deep. I enjoyed reading them. I felt like they flowed nicely and they moved me emotionally. I'm not an expert grammatically-wise when it comes to poetry, but I noticed a few minor spelling errors.
In the first poem, 3rd stanza, 3rd line, the 'i' should be capitalized. In the second poem, 1st line, 'everbody' should be 'everybody.' (unless it's like a rap song lol) Again, I'm not an expert on poetry but overall IMO these were pretty good. :) |
Thank you very much Pinkychu :) and thanks for pointing the mistakes, I corrected them now. I was kind of in a hurry typing these cause i had to go to school.
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I like Plan C better, the first one doesn't seem to flow as much as the second one,
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I wrote a new poem and it's longer than the two previous poems I posted. I had some time to sit down and write it so tell me what you think.
Separation I lay down on my back, face towards the sky Out in the distance A big patch of grey clouds are about to cry Today's forecast lied and nobody told me there was chance for rain If it is broken, you can still fix it but it won't be the same I am happy you parted ways I am mad that there were delays As the pictures start to fade Quickly rip off the band-aid Like turning a page, what is left is rage And a chapter unlocked by a key All the things you did, become limited When the knot unties itself loosely I got the forks and you get the butterknife Stab one another I pronounce you no longer husband and wife Our hands are clinging onto every inch of burn from your ropes Loss of interest drags us along dirt, gravel and broken hopes A decision without a choice An argument that has one voice What happens after good-bye? We are left wondering why Rain started to pour right along the shore Where it washes the scenes of the past Anchors make ships sink with only one blink Left a blue coat in the sky, at last |
I don't have much to say about this one. But this one is simply...beautiful.
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Separation was quite good. Very well designed imagery and structure
I hope to see more |
that is absolutely gorgeous. the feeling is great. i'll try to keep checking for updates. <3
also, i do have a suggestion. i think it may flow better in the first stanza if you say "patch" rather than "big patch". it's just a suggestion though. wonderful work. <3 |
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i definitely know what you mean. since poetry is emotional, there's no way to just pop out poems at will. you have to feel what you're writing or it's not good.
keep up the good work. <3 |
I don't mean to be reviving old threads. But it's been awhile, over a year now since I last posted on this thread. I didn't really want to start a new thread by all means since all my poems are in one thread already. So over the course of a year since i last posted, a lot has happened you could say. I don't write poems that often so this might be the last one you will see. Or you could just expect another one next year lol.
Sunken Last Will It drips, everytime you forget Can you please turn off the faucet? Plunge into my thoughts And maybe You would know What's pulling me From down below Why don't you dive into the blue? The water is not shallow like you Filter me out Because I don't know how to swim So I drowned To the bottom of the ocean Nowhere to be found A sign of all my struggles When voices turn into bubbles Resurfaces to shout This message I'm trying to say Is drenched in my shame But slowly makes it's way Through self blame Cork chokes the neck till it's dead The piece of paper is left unread Feelings are kept inside Covered in glass It's so fragile Nothing ever lasts Like my smile |
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