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Then you could still use your idea.
Or for another idea, have some medicine in a different place that the nurse needs, and it's Paul who offers to go get it. That way, it's not completely like what happened in the show when they were at Viridian City. (Since there is an episode where medicine had to be transferred by Ash and friends.) |
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Regardless, it could be a good opportunity for a little character development - even if he doesn't end up helping to save the Pokemon, he could be forced to think a little bit about how he treats other people and Pokemon. |
Just remember to keep Jax's advice in mind. Like I said, the transferring of medicine has been done before, like the power being cut from the Center. If you're worried about doing something that's been done before, then perhaps Paul getting the medicine for a Pokemon or for a human wouldn't be the best way to go.
I can't believe that I skipped over this advice, but take a look at Paul through the course of the anime. Figure out which stage of his character you want to write about (him as a possible abusive trainer? Or later, when his character is more understood?) and take a look at how the anime writers handle him. That way, you'll understand the basis of his character and use that to explore him even deeper in your story. So ask yourself if the Paul you're writing about is at the stage where he's willing to help someone who got hurt, especially if Kairi got hurt through her own fault (because that will make her seem "weak" in his eyes). If he does decide to help her, then work out the reasons why he will through what you know about his character from the show and through what you could add in your story. Like, why would he change an important part of his personality to help this girl? Make sure the reason's a believable one for Paul to use, because you don't want to treat Kairi like she's so special Paul will completely change for her. So, I'll say study Paul in the anime. Look at how he treats the other characters in the show and how he acts. Everything about him that you can see. That way, as was said, you'll be giving more insight into the Paul character that readers are used to from the anime, not a new character who looks like Paul but isn't really him. |
But what if it wasn't Kairi's own fault she got hurt? What if it was Paul's fault she got hurt? Then he'd probably help her cause he'd feel guilty about it.
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I think its one of those situations where he'd help if there's no one else around to help but he wouldn't like it and would complain about it later.
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My Book, Drylor The First Artifact
Hey everyone, this section is for our own creations so I would like to share my most recent one! I just recently got my second book published this month, Drylor The First Artifact. It is about a man that suffers amnesia and as he slowly regains his memory he finds out that his brother has gone hay-wire and has started killing mass amounts of innocent people. Drylor The First Artifact is my second book but the very first I've wrote in the fantasy genre.
I'd like some opinions on what everyone thinks about it so below is what the back of the book says, I am curious if it perks your interests at all and if you saw it in a store if you would pick it up and buy it or put it back on the shelf. When a man wakes up inside a cage that is being carried through an underground city, he has no idea where he is or what has happened to him. As Von, a victim of amnesia, is taken to a jail cell to await his fate amongst elves, humans, dwarfs, gnomes, and halflings, he is told he is a member of the Royal Guard of Genisus. It is not long before he is transported to the palace where he meets an impatient king who eventually returns him to his jail cell while deciding his destiny. As Von’s memory slowly returns, he discovers that he is the only one who can protect Drylor—a world that abandoned him— from its greatest evil, his own brother. Through his journey to the truth, Von meets an unlikely group of friends who are willing to sacrifice everything to help him stop his brother Scarlet from annihilating the only world they have ever known. As Von’s past becomes clear and reveals his future, he soon realizes the only way he can end his brother’s heartless massacres is to find him and kill him. |
Is this fully written or not? You say that it's published, but would still like opinions on how the plot sounds. So I'm not sure if you're actually looking for opinions on the plot to change it, or if you're just advertising your book to gain readers. Because on a quick Google search, it seems like you're just joining every forum that you can, posting a thread like this, and then leaving.
Still, plot ideas go into the Plot Bunny thread, so this will be moved over there. |
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However, your original question was asking whether or not your ideas would work. People are answering that question by telling you things that you should watch out for in order to make it work. (Namely, they're saying that Paul isn't like this in canon and that there's no reason to believe he would act any differently off the camera compared to how he acts on. Because of that, it probably won't work, especially because Paul is a very recognizable and popular character with a personality a lot of fans are familiar with.) Your opinions are stating that you'll make the fic work despite the advice people are giving you. Therefore, there doesn't seem to be much else we can tell you because the way Paul is written is pretty much the one thing that could make or break your idea. So, yeah, you might as well just write it however you feel like tackling it. |
Help Me!!!
I've been writing Fan Fiction for almost two years now. But I've never written a Pokemon story, but I just got an idea for a Pokemon and Kim Possible crossover story. Does this sound like a stupid idea please tell me?
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Merging with the Plot Bunny thread as that's where fic idea feedback and all ought to go.
On paper it could be a good fic but it's really hard to say any more than that due to the lack of information. =p (E.g. would it be done seriously or as a comedy, what format would it be (one shot, chaptered, etc) and so forth - stuff mentioned in the first post really). Depends how you go about it really. |
I plan on it being a chapter story with some comedy and drama elements.
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But how do the two worlds cross together and what does the actual plot entail? I'll admit that I've written my own crossovers just because I wanted to see the two canons collide, but only one of them actually works for two reasons: I can get the characters together easily, and there a plot to go along with it.
How would Kim Possible and the Pokemon world cross together? I'm very foggy on Kim Possible canon, so... But I mean you could write absolute crack fic and just have KP wake up to find Pokemon everywhere, and her mission is to find out why. Or something like that. Take your crossover idea as "What would happen if Kim Possible and Pokemon were combined?" and go from there. Come up with stories and situations for the characters to get involved in and have to resolve. Then once you have a plot in mind, you can ask us how it'll work. Because right now we don't have any information because really, any crossover can possibly work. |
I really thinking about really using her brothers as the main characters. Seeing that they are tech wizs. I was going to have them find a dsi laying around that has a copy Heart Gold in it. They are going to play for a little while and then get bored with it. So then they will decide to bring a Pokemon to life. Then that when Kim Possible would come into play.
Because they bring to life HO-HO and its cause havoc in Middleton. Thanks you guys for the feedback. It really is helping. |
A Fan Fiction Series - Need Comments on Story!
Start: My Life Story
Around a month ago, I had a due date for a form for a course I picked for my next school year, Co-op Education. I went serious on the 3 choices I put on my form, since I was going to be interviewed soon. I picked Animator, Screenwriter, and Music Video Editor. I make flash animations with Maplestory characters, thanks to the character simulator, Bannedstory, and I have been since I turned 12. I wish to get a career that benefits me as a person, and as a Maplestory movie maker. That's why I broke it into the specific careers above. All my life, I was trying to express my imagination to the world. I noticed after I overheard my mom talking to someone a few years ago. Even before making maple videos, I've been doing childish things, such as making the first chapter of a novel (Monster Mysteries :3 ). I have a wild imagination, and it builds up every time I'm alone or taking stroll outside. It's because of this that I decided screenwriting. I wish to express my imagination through creating the screenplays to shows and stuff. ----------- That's where this forum post comes from. The best way to start a career is to get experience prior to actually having one. It started with these stories I do in English. I've never left 9/10s since the beginning of the semester, and I've been getting 10/10s ever since my first 10/10. (Coincidentally the first 10/10 happened after my Co-op form) :D Currently, I'm auditioning for a community production team on youtube, who make Maplestory videos. I'm giving myself a two week deadline from yesterday to make a video idea that I will never be able to animate myself. Now we get to the point of the forum post. End: My Life Story ------------ I had a secondary pokemon series in mind, but I know I will never get anywhere with it in my head, so I'm going to start a fan-fiction. It's based on a slightly older audience than the Ash&Pikachu trilogy, a rating of about 14+. I thought of it this way, because a big population of pokemon fans are only fans of the games, because the show today is too "corny". It seems like a genius idea, because the pokemon world is very well known, and an older audience is all you need for bigger production. :) ----- My series starts with a 15 year old boy, along with an Emolga. A new technology has been developed, and it's been in production as a civilization project for pokemon. The technology is a device that allows pokemon to speak the human language. It had to be safely tested, so only select pokemon get to try it. Only one thing was missing, they needed a normal pokemon to try it out, and not some G.I. Joe trained professional. The boy turns 16, and he's desperate to get some worth in his life. He decides to take his childhood friends, Emolga and two other humans - male and female - on a journey. Their local professor felt these were the perfect people to take the test, especially since they were 16. (The female would most likely seem to still be 15) The boy is already in possession of Emolga, so he just had to receive his pokeball. The other two get their starters. They then get introduced to the new technology, and their pokemon were taken to the lab and technical work was done to be able to speak. The characters get funny feelings when they first experience conversations with talking pokemon. :D Here's where the higher rating comes in; before they start their journey, a secret organization raids the lab. (I thought it would be nice to have one of the antagonists as a dewott with dual razor shells. He could dress like a mix of the new Team Rocket designs and Cad Bane from Star Wars: The Clone Wars.) The evil organization wishes to use the same technology used to give pokemon the human language, to control their minds. They cause a mini war at the lab, and the characters get caught in it. Once it's over, and the pokemon at the lab protect themselves, the protagonists begin their journey. (Other than emolgas, grovyles are my second favorite pokemon, so I gave this part to him) The heroes are required to take a highly skilled grovyle with them, so they can be protected from ambushes like the previous one. (Grovyle would eventually take ownership of the main character) The heroes then become vulnerable targets, considering they are travelling. This creates the conflict you see throughout the series. As Emolga finally polishes his battle skills, the heroes meet, catch and train other pokemon, while at the same time, fend themselves from the evil forces that try to abduct their pokemon for research. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention; what if I said that Emolga, Grovyle, and such talking pokemon were wearing clothes. It would make more sense to me that with civilization, comes society. :) ------ Tell me what you think about this series. I'm sorry for too much about myself, but I'd thought it would be nice to tell everyone about myself before I get started on my objective. |
I'll move this to the Plot Bunny thread if you want feedback on the story summary then.
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Agreeing that this does need some more information to it to help lessen reader confusion.
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So I guess what my problem is with what I know from canon and what you told about your story is that it's like other languages don't lead to civilization. It's only English that makes a society civilized. Another example of this again comes from the Pokemon anime: Team Rocket's Meowth. He talks like a human, walks like a human, and very rarely wears human clothes. He only does when he's trying to enter more into human society (like getting a job). Most of the time, though, he's running around without any clothes on. What does this technology actually do, then? And how would it be used to control minds if all it does is translate languages? And what's with the evil organization? With all that you said, all I'm picturing is one lone Dewott wearing clothes. Is there more people/Pokemon as a part of this organization? Do Pokemon mainly make up this organization, which would need some explanation, especially since canon really tells us that "there's no such thing as a bad Pokemon". Quote:
I think you should think some more on this story idea. You have the start of something, but there's a lot more that needs expanding. The technology, how it works, what it could lead to, how it changes the way Pokemon and humans interact... Those are the main things to think about because of how much the technology could change that world. While keeping in mind how the canon world works, depending on which canon you follow. |
Ok, so I think it's time for me to share my latest brilliance :D
What I'm plotting is basically a crossover between My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and the Anime canon of Pokemon. The background is that after Team Galactic's downfall, Charon went on to create a new group dedicated to space/time research. Oh, but first the funny part: Equestria is actually a hidden land within the Pokemon world. I have the detail on how this is justified. And basically Ponies and Pokemon split according to legends thousands of years ago. Charon researches these legends and now plans to create a sort of powerful hybrid between an unicorn and a ditto. A ditto would have the most pure and manipulatable Pokemon DNA. Charon also finds out how to transcend the space/time warping to Equestria. However nothing material can go through. This is resolved by him using the powers of Musharna and dreams. The result is that a stream of dreams can go to and from Equestria. The dreams can also be manipulated and materialized thanks to Musharna. Twilight Sparkle, the main Pony character, got caught into the 'dream scheme' because her magical essence forced her dreams to be the strongest and least risky for the operation. So Twilight Sparkle ended up existing in two places at the same time: asleep in Equestria, and under a different time continuum in the Pokemon world under Charon's control. Then some bad genetic engineering stuff happens and she gives birth to Codename: PokèPony. So when the dream stream is shut down, space/time stabilizes and Twilight wakes up with fragments of memories of the dream. Which can be said that it occurred under 'inception' logic, but the dream was real and involved usage of Ph.D Quantum Mechanics and Parabolic Calculus ad nauseum. And... That wasn't the fanfic, that was its background and foundation for its story. I actually don't have a complete plot, but I feel like this is a lot to work with. So basically PokePony is the antagonist. I plan for her downfall to actually be tragic. Twilight Sparkle and her friends manage to teleport to the Pokemon world with the Pony Ruby. The pony ruby also happens to allow Twilight and her friends to change between pony and human form. I then initiate interaction between them and the main Pokemon cast Ash, Iris, and Cilan. Side stories include a little shipping between Ash and Twilight [Ash doesn't know that Twilight is a pony until she has to transform to save his life] and maybe give Ash a tour of Equestria. The main conflict would be that Charon is using PokéPony to steal Pokemon. Ash, Twilight, and co. try to intersect, and [for no details on cause, atm] PokéPony is sent on a semi-psychotic frenzy. Ash and co. conflict with Charon over the search and control of her. She is, after all, Twilight's daughter. So I'm not far from having a complete story. I'll appreciate comments and suggestions. |
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Seriously, DO IT. I gather that the entire bit about Inception and abuse of the laws of quantum physics will be made a bit clearer (with a lot of handwaving) in the fic, but beyond that? I'd read the **** out of this. The only suggestion I can think of revolves around the uncertainty of the plot. While I'd love to see the ponies and Team Ash interact, that plot's going to be your main pillar for supporting this crossover. I guess you can figure things out by asking yourself why Charon needed to make PokéPony and why he wants to use her to steal Pokémon. Once you figure that part out, you'll probably find it a bit easier to go from there. |
Questions for a Story I had Written A Long Time Ago
Once upon a time, I was seriously in love with Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness. (I'm still in love with it but that's another story.) After I finished it, I thought it would be interesting to see a sequel be spawned out from it, particularly because of its ending and my own speculations about the main bad guys. So what started out as a game idea turned into a story idea. The plot went something like this (bear with me, I no longer have the story in front of me as I write this):
Thirty years has passed since the events of Michael(our hero) and the Snag Machine and the Orre region has been relatively peaceful since then. Cipher literally disappeared from the map and Grandmaster Greevil has long since been dead. Eldes had reformed and now works with Michael in the Pokemon Lab. Michael is now the new Pokemon Professor after the one before him retired and has a son. During this peacetime, Michael decided it was necessary to create an organization to make sure Shadow Pokemon never appear in the Orre region again, aptly named Alpha & Omega. For a while it didn't seem like they were ever going to be needed. Comments and questions are appreciated. |
Moved to the plot bunny thread as this what it is for.
One question I have is if Michael decides how this organisation is made and all then when does that happen during the 30 years gap given he's only a kid by the end of XD...so I imagine it wouldn't have been right away without a lot of help from other people. I also wonder why there's a need for him to use a Pokemon spliced from the DNA of multiple legendaries...and Pokemon like Bannette which aren't really regarded as that strong generally seems a bit odd to me and possibly hard to explain (such as - why use the DNA of a Mewtwo if they had/have a Mewtwo, and if not where did they get such DNA?). (as a note it's also the same name as a E4 member in Kanto which initially confused me because my mind went 'Shadow Lorelei what' XD). This Aiden fellow and the mysterious girl... would they also be a parallel to Wes and Rui in the first game? (As a note I would be curious if you'd touch on those two in the story or not). That and does Michael take part in this as well or would he just leave it up to his son (because around then he'd be 40... which isn't really that old). |
Hi there everyone, I've come here for help with my fanfic, which I've only started and I want to make it be a great story which everyone can enjoy.
The plot I'm going along with is this: Ash, who the reader discovers has been away from his friends for a long time, decides to return back home and see what has happened when he was away. When he speaks to his old Professor, Ash is told of what happened of the events that occurred when he left, which the reader will get multiple flashbacks if events, before Professor Oak tells Ash of a upcoming tournament. After this, Ash sets off on another journey to see his old friends, where he decides to hurt his friends in the same way they hurt him all though years go. These events would occur over numerous chapters, with each separate character possibly getting their own chapter, maybe two if needed, as some of the battles are going to be gyms ans possibly contests as well. After all of this, Ash then heads off onto the tournament, which all of his friends will be attending as well, before the truth is revealed by the return of an old nemesis. I know this might not be the best plot ever, so that's why I'm going to need some help with it. I'm open to any new ideas, and I'm especially grateful for constructive criticism as well. |
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Keep in mind, however, that Ash was not the type to do contests in the anime, so you might want to scrap that possibility. Just focus on the league and his interactions with as many of his friends as possible and I'm sure your first fic will be a great one. Make sure you keep working on the details of all that. |
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Another thing is will the flashbacks be in several chapters too? If so, then you're having two plots going around here: what happened to Ash while he's away and him interacting with his friends again. I see this idea being broken down into two stories. I'll admit I'm not the biggest fan of sequels, but that's the only way I'm seeing this idea work. |
Thanks for pointing this out Bay. When I mean Ash is going to "hurt" his friends, I don't mean physically, I meant to say mentally, as I putting in Ash wants to make them feel how he felt (which shall be explained soon if you read my chapter XD), but I can understand the confusion.
And about the flashbacks; these are only going to be based on 2 chapters as i don't need them to be long. The long parts are going to be when he meets his friends etc. I'm not planning to do a sequel, and I certainly wasn't planning one for this anyway. Thanks for your help! |
Great story needs critiquing
I'm new to this site, but have an interesting story that needs a little help. If all goes well, I may turn it into a hack. its kinda long, so bear with me:
Once upon a time in New Bark Town, three boys met in school and became fast friends. Elm, the nerdy one, was being picked on when Giovanni and Palmer stepped in to save him. To thank the boys for saving his son, Elm’s father searched for an appropriate gift, and gave them each an Eevee to raise as their partner. The three boys spent every day together until they finished school, and all decided to move to Kanto to make lives for themselves. Elm quickly found a job as a scientist at the famous Saffron City Silph Corporation, while Palmer found a job at the Magnet Train and Giovanni began working to keep the local Gym in top shape. Within a few years, all three men found wives. Giovanni found a beautiful widow with a daughter named Karen. Palmer fell in love and married a wealthy girl from a prestigious and charitable family. And Elm married a sickly woman suffering from a chronic disease. The three families had children at about the same time. Elm’s wife gave birth to Lyra, a healthy girl with no sign of her mother’s illness. Giovanni’s wife gave birth to Gold, a baby boy whose smile warmed the hearts of all who saw him. Palmer’s wife gave birth to Silver, a happy boy who loved to play with Lyra and Gold. However, the strain of Lyra’s pregnancy almost killed her mother. Elm, realizing that his wife needed rest, decided to move his family back to New Bark Town to relax. He managed to get a research grant from Silph, and after waving bye to his friends, left for home. After constantly borrowing money from friends to support his family, Giovanni decided that his job at the Gym would not be enough, and started a life of crime. When Palmer found out, he was furious, but Giovanni told him that he would never understand because he had married rich. Palmer was honor-bound to not turn his friend over to the police, so instead did all he could to thwart the schemes of the newly formed crime syndicate. His efforts were noticed throughout Kanto, and he was nominated to a position on the Elite Four, the governing body of Kanto and Johto. Unfortunately, his actions provoked the crime syndicate, who made many attempts on his life. Meanwhile, through deceit and bribery, Giovanni had established himself as the head of all the crime in Kanto, and decided to name his operation Team Rocket, after the villainous group long forgotten in the nation’s history. He personally put a stop to the attempts on his old friend’s life, but at the same time was unable to stop a rouge group within Team Rocket from trying to aim at Palmer’s family one last time. Palmer was forced to move his family back to New Bark Town as well and finally accepted the position as Elite Four member. Now firmly in control of all the crime in Kanto, Giovanni took over Silph Co. and other legitimate businesses within the region, including the Magnet Train. He then moved his family back to New Bark Town as well, and bribed or threatened his way to become the Gym leader and Mayor of the nearby Blackthorn City. He knew it would take time, but Giovanni swore to himself that he would eventually rule all of Kanto and Johto. In New Bark Town, Karen, Gold, Lyra and Silver grew up together. Lyra began to idolize Karen, and thought of her as a big sister. Silver fell in love with Karen, and competed with Gold and Lyra for her attention, but because of the age gap, was never really noticed. As time passed, Karen eventually left for Goldenrod to become a model, and with her father’s support, became the youngest Gym Leader and Mayor the city ever had. But tragedy struck when Silver’s mother was killed in a car accident. Sure of foul play, Silver stopped talking to Gold and Lyra, and focused on his schoolwork, but was never able to please his distant father. In the Meantime, Giovanni hatched a plan to take over both regions. Karen was happy to help her father in his goal, and prepared to take over the Goldenrod Radio Tower and broadcast a hypnotic signal across Kanto and Johto. Giovanni would also have help from his other two lieutenants: Koga, the Gym Leader and Mayor of Azalea town, who would turn a blind eye to the illegal activity in his town while synthesizing a special drug that would be useful to the mob, and Jasmine, the Gym Leader and Mayor of Olivine City, who owns a large steel mill, and would be running an illegal underground facility and dumping all of the chemical waste from her mill into a nearby lake, using the Mafia’s resources to avoid getting caught. Gold began hearing whispers of these plans, and decided to go on a journey to investigate. His mother however asked him to finish school first. At age sixteen, all three kids graduated high school early and decided to start their own journey. Elm became slightly overprotective of Lyra, and pleaded with her to stay, but was reassured that she would only go to Goldenrod to visit Karen. To prepare Gold for the journey ahead, Elm decided to offer him one of his three new research subjects sent from Silph. Gold sets out and decides to stop his father’s enterprises with his own hands, knowing full well that the entire police force has already been bought off. Silver vows revenge for his mother’s death, and leaves to crush them all, including his former friend: Gold. Yet his love for Karen remains unchanged. After dealing with these separate problems, Gold goes to the ruling power of the two regions called the Elite Four and Champion, which includes his father’s old friend Palmer. After confronting them about their lack of action regarding the recent illegal activity, he returns home, only to receive a boarding pass for a ship that will take him to Kanto, where he uncovers the truth about his father’s past. In Kanto, Gold meets some of the Elite Four, who have left their posts and returned to being Gym Leaders in their home towns. After getting the answers he wants, Gold returns home, only to find that his trip to Kanto was only a ploy to get him out of the way. While he was gone, his father, sister, Koga, and Jasmine have all taken positions on the Elite Four. Giovanni takes the top position as Champion, while Palmer retains his position as the one right below. The remaining three spots are taken by the three mayors. Also, Giovanni has passed a law stating that no one under a certain age can take office, which was made to stop Gold from taking power. Gold returns home to find his mother, father, and sister casually enjoying a meal. After taking a deep breath and thinking about all that has happened, Gold sits down to eat with his family. this story is all about family, politics, light and dark. I want to bring back the mafia elements from R/B/Y, but make it like The Godfather, while at the same time make it about light and dark like Star Wars. So far, I'm sure that Palmer will be an Electric Type trainer (Light), while Giovanni will be the Dark Type trainer who is a combination of Don Corleone and Darth Vader. Any other ideas? |
I'll move this to the Plot Bunny thread for you as that thread is for getting feedback on story ideas.
I'll note that canonically Palmer's son is Barry, or well, the rival in D/P/Pt, not Gold. That and also canonically (both in the manga and in the games via default names) Silver is the name of Giovanni's son and Gold is the GSC protagonist. I'm also curious as to why they travel at the age of 16 after high school given in Pokemon trainers tend to leave at an earlier age and all. That and Giovanni is a Ground Type trainer... so although this seems to be in a alternate universe a few of those things stuck out to me as a bit odd when I glanced at what you have so far. |
useless canon
I am well aware of the existing canon and have even gone so far as to watch pokemon live (It Will All Be Mine) and read almost all of pokemon adventures (manga) for any loose ends. however, this story has the whole dad-is-badguy thing from star wars, and i always thought that silver looks too evil to be a protagonist. the reverse is then true for silver, whose father is a good guy, but ends up evil. one of the themes will be NOT following your set path, and instead choosing your own destiny. I'm thinking that when gold finally meets his father at blackthorn gym, giovanni explains that everything up till now was just training to take over team rocket, and thats why every trainer became gradually stronger. also, one of the things i always hated about rpgs in general was that people always give you random stuff. in this story, every gift item that is not earned (most key items) will be given due to giovanni's influence. he is setting the whole thing up. As for school, wanted to make it clear that all the characters are intelligent teenagers, instead of completely naive 10 year olds. i figured that graduating early would demonstrate that well. also, im going for the gritty realism (except for the pokemon) so i thought school would be a natural choice.
thanks for reading, though. |
pokemon: dark times
THE PLOT - team rocket magma and aqua have come to together to form a truce they have understood that there is no sense fighting against each other.They are terrorizing and every1 and imprisoning anyone who dares to stop them.even prof oak is missing.people hv no choice but to cooperate and watch them torture pokemon and use them for evil purposes
brendan,ash,gary,etc. hv been defeated and imprisoned an old man who is about to be executed leaves his pokemon (lugia) in the hands of a young boy/protangonist.it is upto him to save the world. ANY FEEDBACK WILL BE APPRECIATED THANKS. |
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I'd also like to know how the old man has a Lugia himself and is unable to use it as well to break out and so forth, so that would have to be carefully considered - why he'd only be able to give it to another trainer. I'm interesting in how said trainer would get by with his sudden legendary in his possession - certainly a lot of potential there but it depends how you go about it I suppose. |
pokemon: dark times
first of all thank you for your feedback.......
the truce was formed because they knew that they would never achieve their goals if they kept fighting each other... now the three factions have their own seperate territories.... the old man was about to be executed so he gave his lugia to the young boy who then escaped and became a "fugitive" considering the that the bad guys are running the place.The old man thought that the young boy was their only hope.how did the old man get the lugia??? well he was a great trainer when he was young and the other pokemon were stolen from him and he somehow managed to protect the lugia i shall now expand more this..... instead of gym leaders there are admins appointed by the respective bosses and instead of the elite four there are the bosses and the fourth one is mewtwo(both as a trainer and a pokemon). and the protagonist has to defeat them all. instead of pokemon centres there are underground places in each city where pokemon and can be healed and items can be bought. |
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Put it this way. The reason why Aqua and Magma fight is because they want completely different things. Aqua wants to expand the oceans because they believe that doing this will give land-dwellers more water to use for crops/drinking/whatever. Magma wants to expand the land because they believe doing that would give land-dwellers more room to farm/roam around/whatever. Because there's limited space on the planet, naturally, Aqua and Magma are against each other because if one of them achieved their goals, the other would logically fail at theirs. You can't have both of them achieving what they set out to do at the same time. Rocket, meanwhile, just wants to take over the world, so it'd be in their best interests to wait until the evil teams of each region just destroyed themselves one way or another. (That's what their strategy was in the anime-verse's Sinnoh, anyway.) What makes the conflict between Magma and Aqua convenient for the Rockets is that they're pretty much killing each other due to a massive stalemate, so the Rockets just have to sit back and watch the fighting until both teams finally beat each other into the ground. (This is also sort of what happened in the anime.) So, you have two teams that directly oppose each other because their goals completely conflict and one team that doesn't give a crap so long as they're the ones left standing. Therefore, while Team Rocket might team up with another evil team (although this would mean they'd have to take care of that team at the end in order to get all of the planet), you can't have Teams Aqua and Magma forming a truce until you decide who's giving up their goals and why... which actually defeats the purpose of what you were saying (about how the teams are working together to achieve their goals). Now, while you could argue that each team is just focusing on achieving their goals in a particular region, keep in mind that each one is focusing on a global level. Team Rocket wants to take over the world, and they don't want to share it with anyone else but themselves. Team Aqua wants to help the world by expanding all of the oceans. Team Magma wants to help the world by expanding all of the landmasses. They wouldn't be satisfied with just part of the world. After all, Team Rocket will look at the shares their fellow teams have and think about what would happen if it was theirs, and Teams Aqua and Magma would worry about the land-dwellers in the other two regions. So, you're back to having them form conflicts with each other. I guess this is all just saying that not every evil team is the same as another one. Shrugging off the goals that they actually have will just circle back to that same question of why they're teaming up. Rather, if you really must have each evil team form a truce, you'll want to think about how those teams operate and what goals they're giving up. Especially with Teams Aqua and Magma, whose goals are pretty much completely different from every other evil team (including each other). Quote:
Lugia are legendary Pokémon, which means they're generally extremely powerful and rare. Most legendaries are even hidden in places that are pretty difficult to get to, and Lugia is most certainly one of those kinds. (I mean, it's not just enough for Lugia to hide in a cave. Nope. It has to hide in a cave surrounded by dangerous whirlpools.) So, that would imply that the old man is a pretty strong and powerful person, especially if he was able to keep Lugia tame after all of those years. How, then, would he be captured, and why didn't he simply use Lugia to escape? I mean, even if we don't consider the old man himself (although we should, considering he had to have been in good condition to get Lugia in the first place), you've got an ancient and powerful Pokémon that could easily Aeroblast the crap out of any of its master's potential captors. And even if the old man was caught, that would just mean that Lugia would easily Aeroblast the roof off the jail cell and sweep its master to safety. Why, then, would he simply give his legendary Pokémon to some kid he doesn't know instead of use it to defend himself? (Be careful with the answer to this. You've also implied that Lugia helps the boy to escape, so if that's the case, then there really shouldn't be much of a reason why Lugia couldn't help its master to do so.) Not to mention you'll want to be warned. Giving a kid a legendary tends to lead to creating a Mary Sue. I won't say for certain that this boy is because, obviously, I know nothing about him, but I will say that if everything comes easy to him after that point, yes, you could have a Sue on your hands. Other than that, looks like a standard trainer fic crossed with a crapsack world. It might have potential, but first, you'd have to fill in the above plot holes to get it to work. |
i would like to thank you for your feedback..
now if team aqua and magma are fighting then they both r surrounded by both sides cuz there r ppl who will be trying to fight them so this truce has been made so that they both compromise a little and are able to fight off opposition you may have heard of this in kg "united we stand,divided we fall".all three teams have understood their mistake they thought that they should now work together cuz then it will be easier to crush anyone who dares to stop them.its like there are 3 mafia families... and srry i forgot to mention that this "lugia" is an offspring of lugia ...and the old man sacrificed himself for this boy as he was too old to fight pokemon battles so he gives this lugia (lvl 5 of course) to this boy.He belives that this boy can fight off the 3 teams. |
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To make it clearer, let's say you're a one-man team called Team Apple, I'm on a team called Team No-Apple, and there's a table between us with an apple sitting on it. Now, it's your goal as part of Team Apple to get that apple and keep it for yourself because apples are delicious and everything you need. It's my goal to take that apple and throw it in a fire because I believe that apples are the cause of everything that's wrong with the world. If I compromise with you, then that means we're at a stalemate because neither of our goals would get accomplished. If I let you have the apple, I fail at destroying the apple. If you give me the apple, then you fail because you don't get to protect the apple. It's a no-win situation. In the same vein, think of it like this. Team Aqua is about taking away land, whereas Team Magma is about giving more of it to people. Meanwhile, Team Magma is about taking away water, whereas Team Aqua is about giving more of it to people. If Team Magma gave in, that would mean Team Aqua would take away land and give people more water, but if Team Aqua gave in, that would mean Team Magma would take away water and give people more land. That's why it's no-win, and that's why they're completely against one another. Team Rocket, meanwhile, is against every evil team technically. Back to the apple example, let's say bobandbill is a member of Team Every Apple, whose goal is to take every apple in the world and put them in boxes so that no one else can get them. If he teamed up with you, that means all the apples are saved, I'm defeated, and he can waltz in and backstab you whenever he wants. If he teamed up with me, that means no one gets apples, I win, and he can still backstab me whenever he wants. However, if he decides to work exactly as he is (read: not benefiting either side but instead attempting to work towards his own goal himself), then that means we both lose because the apples are put in a box. Team Apple loses because no one gets to benefit from delicious, delicious apples, and Team No Apple loses because the bane of the universe still exists... just in the hands of a megalomaniac dictator who will use the mystical power of apples to force everyone else into submission. Still no-win. Team Rocket is a lot like this. Its main goal, as I've mentioned earlier, is to take over the world. There's various ways it can do this. One of them is by giving one team the advantage, letting that team destroy the opposition, and stepping in to backstab that team and take their share. Another is to work on its own, biding its time while the other teams destroy each other/get destroyed by ten-year-olds and their friends, or simply seizing power while the others are preoccupied with doing their own thing. Either way, ultimately, Team Rocket wants the world to itself, and dividing it among various people doesn't sit well with them because that means that, ultimately, they have competition. (Side note: If you'd really like to know, gangs and mafia families are also like this. Competition is not something that they'd particularly like to have around, and it's easier to destroy -- if not attempt to assimilate -- other groups than it is to be more than one crime family existing at the same time in essentially the same territory.) In other words, you still have to consider what each team is after. A lot of writers have tried in the past to get various evil teams to unite and take over the world or whatnot, but in doing so, they completely ignore the main point of each group. As a result, it's the same thing as taking a character completely OOC. It's just missing the point of what those characters are trying to do. That's why fics with team-ups tend to fall flat on their faces. Quote:
Second, it's still a Lugia. If we're still going by anime canon, it's not entirely unheard of for Pokémon to act on their own to protect their owners, and Lugia are still immensely powerful Pokémon. So, the question of why this one didn't just help the old man to break out still stands. Third, may I ask why it's important for the protagonist to have a Lugia/why this moment is, in general, important for the plot? I mean, the entire part about the old man just feels like a plot point for getting the protagonist a legendary starter, and given the fact that the evil teams could capture it and its trainer in the first place, it feels like it wouldn't matter whether the main character had a Lugia or not. If there was some significant reason why the kid's starter has to be a Lugia (like its particular powers are exactly what are needed to take down the teams' doomsday device or what-have-you), maybe it'd be easier to swallow, but right now, it looks like you're having the MC go on what equates to a badge quest while taking down a dystopian government. A character can do that with a Rattata, and honestly, it'd probably be more interesting to read about (because that would involve watching the character struggle to get that Rattata strong enough to beat anything, as opposed to watching the character just have Lugia Aeroblast whatever was in its way). |
lucky topgun gets all the attention. still, its an interesting story, and I think the divide between magma and aqua could be factored into the story. for example, the temporary truce they had created to gain control of the region would be over, and they would start attacking each other, with team rocket of course waiting it out. this makes sense because they could get rid of any opposition like law enforcement or 10 year old masters, then focus on each other. maybe the main character could act as a double agent, destroying both from the inside, or have a branching storyline where you could team up with either group and eventually beat the rockets and save the old man.
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But in any case, it's a possibility that makes more sense than "Teams Aqua and Magma are practically BFFs now" with no reference to the fact that they're pretty much against equal and opposite things. Still, it's ultimately up to topgun what goes on in his story, and if he wants to keep the dystopia, I'd highly encourage him to think about how to keep the dystopia while still making sense about it, which in turn involves doing a lot of thinking about how each team operates and why they're doing what they're doing in canon. As a side note, it's generally a good idea, when offering advice on improving a plot bunny, to avoid giving an author an entire plot bunny yourself. (As in, yes to plot advice. No to "you should have the character do X, Y, and Z!") The reason why is because your main goal in these kinds of threads is to get a writer to think about the weaknesses and possibilities of their plot, rather than to think about another plot entirely. I do admit that I proposed having the kid get an ordinary Pokémon instead, but notice that this was an example to show that there needs to be more thought put into the Lugia part (or to show that there's other possibilities besides giving the kid a Lugia and risking Sueism). |
I'm not too good at plots myself but what if the teams were going to resurrect the legendaries again and the lugia was the only one that was powerful enough to stop them. You could have the lugia be stubborn because it misses the old man and it needs to gain the trust of the boy first so he can't just use it to ultimately win every battle, and when he did you the lugia it would be a challenge because he would have to get it to listen.
And the goal would be to train the lugia and gain it's trust to have a battle at the end. |
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But other than that, this could be a possibility for how to work the story too. So... yeah. Basically, the main issue with topgun's plot isn't so much the little things that are on the outlying edge of it (like risking making the main character a Sue) but instead the two biggest plot holes around which the story is unfortunately centered. In other words, if those two plot holes don't get patched up, you can offer plots all you want, but there will still be things that are off about it. |
Now here what im trying to point out is that there is a temporary truce in the sense that team apple , no-apple and all-apple will get apples in equal quantities for the time being and they have their own territories in which they have autonomy this has been done to fight off any opposition. i know that they cant work together but this truce would not last forever will it?. The protagonists job becomes more difficult.now untill all opposition has been eliminated they will work togther and after that their war will begin.they first want to make sure their are no good guys.backstabbing and all that stuff is the inside story i just wanted to sketch out a plot first and see if it sounds interesting.
as for the lugia..... as you lugia is supposed to be a "good" pokemon and immensely powerful now what im saying is that the old man is not able to fight any battles because of his age and now he trusts his young boy and belives that he can do something.The old man got this lugia because he had the parent lugia whose whereabouts are unknown.plus this baby lugia needs to be trained the old man stopped training his pokemon years ago and he did not train this baby lugia he just kept it like a pet. he lost interest in pokemon battles when he realised he was too old for that stuff. superjesus's and xyrins's ideas are good and it could be like you both pointed. lugia could be a little stubborn at first and xyrin ur idea is interesting i should give a little thought to it... |
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Also keep in mind that Aqua and Magma don't actually think of themselves as bad guys. (At least, not outside of Special canon.) After all, their goals are ultimately to benefit all life on the planet, especially other land-dwellers. They have no desire to take over anything, actually. They just want to change the face of the planet so that land-dwellers have more land to expand their civilization (in Magma's case) or so that land-dwellers have more water to function (in Aqua's case). You'd therefore have to address why they'd be putting aside their differences to take over a region or why they're teaming up with a team that's blatantly an evil organization. In other words, there are ways it could work, and yes, they could team up to get rid of opposition first. However, you'd still have to address the fact that their goals are not to take over particular regions, that they have no desire to set up dystopias, and that they don't think of themselves as evil. In other words, now that you have the issue of how they're working together out of the way, you'd have to consider with a lot of thought what they're trying to do. Quote:
Moreover, this is still a Lugia, so if the boy uses it to break out of wherever they're being held, then why wouldn't Lugia act on its own to help its own trainer? Not to mention what really doesn't make sense is why the old man just sort of gives up. I mean, he's up for execution. Wouldn't he want to use any advantage he could to survive? It really doesn't matter whether or not he trusts the boy to defeat the teams because if he's up for being executed, that could very well happen before the boy even has a chance to go up against the team leader. He really doesn't know. Moreover, if he just met the boy, he really doesn't have much to go on when it comes to judging his character, right? So, he has no way to tell whether or not he would even succeed or whether or not the kid would be strong enough to handle Lugia. This is actually one of the issues you'd want to address if you use the "Lugia refuses to listen to the trainer" plot. If the man gives the kid his Lugia without even bothering to think about whether or not he'd be able to tame the legendary, he's basically sticking a monster capable of blasting someone into the ground with someone who may or may not have the skill to keep it from doing that. That and he's resting the fate of the world on someone who can't handle using the key to save it, if that makes sense. I mean, this is going to be the kid's starter, right? If Lugia refuses to listen, that means the kid will have a rough time getting other Pokémon, and considering the fact that he's trying to fight against an evil government, that means he should be learning quickly because they'll probably know that he's, you know, blasted his way out of prison. I mean, he is a prisoner too, right? So, it's very likely that the evil teams, who are keeping tabs on any potential opposition, would know that there's a kid with a Lugia running around, so that kid had better know how to use the Lugia if he's not going to have anything else to defend himself with. Not to mention he'd probably be preoccupied with running instead of attempting to get Lugia to obey him. Beyond that, wouldn't Lugia draw unnecessary attention towards him? I mean, it's a legendary, and given the fact that very few other people have legendaries, the teams would know to look for a kid with a Lugia. And if they took down a grown man with a Lugia and other powerful Pokémon, they'd probably know how to take down a rookie trainer with no Pokémon except a Lugia that won't listen to him. Not to mention that as soon as people saw the Lugia, they'd probably make a rather big fuss about it. And considering this is a dystopia, it's possible that you might have people reporting him to the authorities/grunts/what-have-you for perks like "please leave my family alone." But anyway. Quote:
One of the things you should probably keep in mind is the same process that you're considering putting your main character through. Gaining the trust of a legendary would be hard, especially because they're powerful and potentially ancient Pokémon. In anime canon, they don't just listen to anyone, and goodness help whoever thinks they're one of the rare ones who can tame them. So, if this old man had a Lugia for a long time, then it's rather strange that he lost a Pokémon that not only came to trust him deeply but also one that's been faithful to him for a long while. Not only that, but it's also unusual that it left behind its child. Anime canon (i.e., the only one that has shown legendaries to have children) has shown us that anyone who attempts to separate a parent from a baby legendary will likely get their face Aeroblasted off. Quote:
Not to mention, again, he's being sentenced to execution. If you know how to shoot a gun but have no desire to do it, you're still going to shoot a gun if you have one and if someone else is trying to kill you. So I guess this leads me to ask, "But why doesn't the old man escape with the kid and then possibly go into hiding?" I mean, if you iron out the oddities of having a Lugia in the first place, having the old man give his Lugia to the boy because he's too old to be saving the world could work, but the main problem is he's still leaving himself to be executed. That all said, yes, I get that you want to see whether or not this idea could be interesting. As I've tried to say, basically, the key to whether or not a story is interesting is all in the execution. The point of this thread is basically to help authors iron out kinks in their ideas and create from that a workable story. In your case, there's a lot for you to think about and sort through. It could work, yes, but there's a lot of questions that need to be answered. Moreover, once you answer those questions, there's others that pop up... and so on and so forth down the line. So, I guess this means you'll want to think a bit more about your plot and all of the things you want to do with it. |
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these two plot holes can easily be patched up with a bit of outside the box thinking.
Hows this: first, the parent lugia could only be befriended by the old man, but was captured alongside him and put into cryogenic freeze (thank you, futurama). its not some sort of god, it can be captured by by the bad guys. the evil teams are not trying to kill the old man, but find out from him how to control said lugia. he managed to hide the baby lugia and pass it off to the main character, who must raise it to save the geezer and parent lugia. Team rocket, who promised extra resources to magma and aqua if they stopped fighting each other and helped create the new world, is now sitting back and watching the two fight it out. both teams need an advantage, and hunt down the main character for his lugia. its still a baby, so all it knows is basic moves, no aeroblast. the evil teams always planned to backstab each other, but were waiting until the perfect chance, and are still trying to resurrect groudon/kyogre. they made the deal with team rocket because they are eco-terrorists with good ideals, but basically sold their souls to the devil for extra cash that they hope they can use better than their opponents. now that team rocket has what it wants, they let the other teams try to capture the baby. as the story starts, the truce breaks. there could be a branching storyline where the main character joins either aqua or magma and captures the legendary, only to battle the opposing main villain who has the other legendary. either way, the last boss would be giovanni who finally managed to control the parent lugia. there. I just got the entire story started. you're welcome. but seriously, can anyone give me feedback on my story? please? |
again im repeating what i said earlier....the three teams have come together but its a temporary truce....
btw every evil organisation denies that they are not "bad guys".....terrorists,for example believe that they are working for mankind. yes they are teaming up for now but they dont really trust each other they belive that they will get rid of the good guys and then fight amongst themselves so that at no point of time they are surrounded on 2 sides and yeah team rocket can sit back and watch the action but before that the protangonist will obviously crush the three teams. what superjesus explained in the 1st para is what i was thinking about a little different but yeah the general idea is the same. |
Except, topgun, for the fact that Team Rocket openly admits to being evil, and Teams Aqua and Magma think their opposite is evil. Your logic, then, doesn't entirely work for the same reason why they never teamed up in canon: because Teams Aqua and Magma, who operate solely for their idea of good, wouldn't team up with something they believed is evil and against their cause. Basically speaking, it'd be a lot like terrorists working side-by-side with the exact people who embody everything they hate. Alliances just don't work that way. (High five, by the way, Xyrin.)
But if you're really that passionate about keeping the alliance, then by all means, go ahead and write it. There's not much else you'll probably get out of this thread if multiple people just keep on circling back to "I really don't think it will work" versus "but it's totally a good idea." :/ Also, superjesus, you wrote the story for someone instead of let them think about it and demanded our attention, so if you don't mind me being blunt, I'm honestly less inclined to give you feedback. I will say, though that you seem to be disregarding canon for rather superficial reasons (e.g. "Silver looks too evil to be a protagonist" and what amounts to "my moral > its execution"). I just want to say you can still write a good fic with a good. Point without violating canon. Special actually has a Giovanni like you described, for example. So, you just have to be creative with it. However, when you start violating canon for "artistic reasons," you might as well write whatever you merry well please because it really doesn't matter anymore how you're delivering your point. You could say all those characters are ducks, and we'd have to buy it because something else has become more important than delivering the point by using recognizable characters and backgrounds (i.e. half the point of fanfiction). Edit: I've decided to expand my response to you, superjesus. Basically speaking, there's a number of issues I have with your plot idea, all of them would trigger my rant mode. First and foremost, of course, is the way you treat canon. You completely pitch any and all backstory that these characters have in favor of what's basically a bunch of trite love triangles all over the place, including apparently a "homage" to Star Wars. (Side note: Evil dad is a trope older than dirt. Oh, Greek mythology, for one example. But anyway.) Seriously, if you replaced all of those characters with original ones, you'd get pretty much the same story, and it'd make a lot more sense to a reader. See, the tricky thing about fanfiction is that there's a reason why you need to color inside some of the lines. All of the characters (with the exception of Elm) are immensely popular, so a lot of readers, when they go into your fic, will do so with the expectation that they're about to read about the Giovanni they know, for example. When that Giovanni isn't delivered, you have a higher chance of disappointing them, confusing them (by making them think your story is riddled with plot holes), or by having them call you out on your characterization. (This goes especially for Special fans, given that the fact that he's Silver's father is actually a pretty big part of his characterization in that universe.) Asking us to swallow it because you're the author is rather unreasonable because, well, you're writing fanfiction. Why should we expect anything else but the characters we're familiar with? Not to mention it'd be rather insulting for someone to see you openly dump their favorite characters' backstories. Beyond that, there's another problem with dumping backstory. By saying you're going to disregard something as basic as who's related to which character, you're also saying we can expect that we won't be looking at the same characters in terms of personality. This tends to show up most in the way you're describing Silver so far. You have him be sociable (until his mother died) and eager to please his father. ...Except this is pretty much the complete opposite of who Silver is in canon. The Silver most people know is (initially anyway) a cold jerkass who only wants power and has actually outright rejected his father for what he did. Of course, one could argue that in an AU, Silver might see his family in a different light if he wasn't the heir of Team Rocket, but the problem here lies in the fact that he's made someone else's son for no apparent reason. Literally, the only reason you give us for why you didn't just make Silver Giovanni's son is "he looks too evil." Unfortunately, this is a rather superficial reason for recasting Silver, and it actually ends up being contradictory to your message. After all, you're saying that Silver, because he merely looks like a bad guy, has to be a bad guy. There's no option for him to decide against his appearance and be a good guy instead. Of course, then he's sort of cast aside as what feels like a minor plot point in comparison with the Giovanni-Gold plot. (Side note: If you have to reference pop culture when describing your plot idea, chances are, you'll probably want to think things through a little more. If the reference is meant to be taken seriously, then that could say to a reader that the idea itself isn't particularly creative, and in fact, besides the fact that Giovanni isn't actually being controlled by a higher power -- which was actually most of the point of Vader's character -- the Giovanni-Gold plot is essentially Star Wars with Pokémon. But that's neither here nor there.) Beyond that, it feels like there's a lot going on in this plot that seems like it has no particular relevance to the overall idea. For example: 1. Blackthorn City. While there's the Dragon Den there... that's just it. It's a town full of dragons. Sure, Viridian City isn't exactly a place where one would immediately expect a brilliant crime lord to put his headquarters, but that's part of the beauty of Giovanni's canon headquarters in Viridian City. It's smack in the middle of a place that's not that difficult to get to, and no one knows it's there. Viridian also means Giovanni has easier access to everything he needs. The League headquarters, other parts of Kanto (including being a hop and a skip from the port of Vermilion City), and so forth. Blackthorn is isolated, yes, but... it's isolated. You can't easily get to other places in Johto from Blackthorn, which means it's more difficult to move troops and supplies from headquarters. And I know this feels like I'm nitpicking, but really, it comes down to the fact that it feels like there's not much of a reason why canon's getting pitched in favor of your ideas. I mean, there's really no benefit to putting Giovanni in Blackthorn as opposed to Viridian, and changing canon at this point doesn't seem to add anything to the story. While some instances of bending canon can be swallowed by a reader (although it's still a case of Your Mileage May Vary), bending canon for reason that seems significant to a reader just feels unnecessary, and the more you do that, the less your readers will expect you to tell a story about Giovanni and the others instead of handpuppets with their names. Basically, even minor details like these circle back to what I said earlier about canon. 2. Karen. While I get the feeling her presence in the fic is meant to highlight the tense relationship between Silver, Gold, and Lyra, from what I'm getting of your plot sketch, she just ups and leaves, and no one bats an eyelash. Considering you're implying that Silver stopped talking to Lyra and Gold because of his mother's death, including this part about Karen seems rather trivial. I mean, if I'm reading this correctly, he's pretty much blaming Gold and Lyra's families on the death of his mother. (And if he isn't, then it's rather odd that he would suspect foul play but not follow up about it. Who did he suspect? Gold's father?) That seems like a deeper set anger than just some jealousy over who scored his childhood crush's attention. 2a. Actually, if anything, I really do think that the relationship between Gold, Silver, and Lyra should be built up more because it feels like this part isn't quite strong enough yet. We have two reasons why Silver has decided to break off contact with them. Only two. One would think that if he was really close friends with them, he would have a whole list of reasons that pushed him over the edge, rather than just less than a handful. 2b. I'm actually not particularly fond of how Karen got demoted from the highest-ranked Elite Four member to only a gym leader for most of the story and how even as an Elite Four member, she's outshined by someone who should be in the Battle Frontier but is inexplicably on the Elite Four instead. Moreover, she adores Dark-types in ways that define her personality. (i.e. She likes her Pokémon wild and tough, which implies that she herself isn't exactly Whitney's brand of "PINK AND FLORAL EVERYWHERE.") 3. No, seriously, how does Silver connect Gold and Lyra to his mother's death. Gold I can sort of buy because he's Giovanni's son, but it's still rather trite and overly closed-minded to have a character go, "YOU'RE THE SON OF A BAD GUY. THEREFORE, YOU'RE BAD TOO." After all, Gold used to be his close friend. Would Silver really decide to just believe that Gold is evil despite all the years of knowing the guy? 3a. Not to mention where does this plot even go? After that point, the plot sketch never mentions Silver again and passes that subplot off as "one of two problems Gold has to solve." 'Kay? I mean, one would think that a struggle against your former best friend would be sort of important to the point where there would be character growth all over the place. Not to mention it sort of implies that Silver gives up somewhere along the way, which doesn't entirely coincide with the whole "vowing for revenge on his mother's death" part. 4. ...And then Giovanni is suddenly an actual political official instead of just a crime lord, Gold sits down with his family, and no one speaks about the massive amounts of illegal activity again? Oh, I do hope there's actually a decent explanation for all of this within the story because that has the potential for being a massive bout of anticlimax. I mean, with Star Wars, you actually did have battles and explosions to fix everything. This sketch seems to imply that it's going to end abruptly with all of the loose ends solved via deus ex machina. 5. Gritty =/= having your characters be teenagers. I'm sorry, but yeah, a lot of people think dark fics need to age up and break the basics of canon, including making characters start off on journeys at much later ages. Let me tell you, though, that I know a lot of dumbass sixteen-year-olds whose main goal in life besides becoming a star on a reality TV show would probably be winning a Darwin Award, and I know quite a few sane and sensible thirteen-year-olds. Age has nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, if anything, one of the points of the Pokémon canon is that kids are capable of doing amazing things if they push themselves to their full potential. The problem with a lot of people who look down on ten-year-olds and think they can't handle taking care of themselves is that they seem to think that kids are too lazy to think. While it's true that there's a lot of kids who are too lazy to think, you'll find people like that in every age bracket, just as you'll find people who are ready to shoulder responsibility and think things through logically. Moreover, if you really wanted gritty realism, you probably wouldn't be starring kids who graduated high school early anyway. I mean, if you're writing a story that hinges on political intrigue and friends-turned-enraged-sociopaths, you'd probably be better off looking at the twenty-to-thirty-year-old bracket -- you know, the folks who are actually more likely to get the inner workings of politics while still being liable for snapping on everyone around them, if that even makes sense. I guess the short of it is I really do find myself turned off by two things. The first thing is it feels like a lot of these canon changes are done for no apparent reason. You were going for some kind of artistic vision, but really, you're better off just saying this is a completely new region with completely new characters. There's absolutely no reason why Palmer can't be a Frontier Brain in Sinnoh, why Giovanni should relocate to Blackthorn instead of Viridian, and why Karen should only be second-fiddle to Palmer. (Oh, the inner feminist in me is going :|.) Yet, here were are, which might not make a lot of people who actually like these characters a lot particularly happy. The second thing is the fact that it feels like you have a major idea, but all of the subplots you have to make it potentially interesting fizzle out before they become something significant. While I don't expect you to give me full-blown spoilers or a blow-by-blow recount in a plot sketch, considering you summarize the entire story, it seems rather odd that there's no mention of any significant conflict towards the end that actually gives this fic a feeling of completion, rather than the cut-to-sudden-black kind of ending a la The Sopranos. Besides that, it feels like a lot of the subplots that should really be part of the main plot (like the Silver-Gold conflict) are downplayed in favor of a plot that itself doesn't seem to have resolution. In short, light-vs-dark is a concept that's not unknown to media, as you've pointed out thanks to waving us towards Star Wars. However, I do have to say that this fic could work (because the fact that you want to work with multiple plot lines is a plus, not to mention the fact that who doesn't love the message of "choose your own destiny"), but the problem is that you'll be encountering a lot of issues in execution. It just feels like more thought was put into the message than there was in how you're proposing to convey it. |
Valentine, thanks for the input. Seriously. Sorry for demanding attention. It just kinda felt like my hard work was just passed over. I may have been selfish, but I was still giving ideas for topgun’s story, which is exactly what I would like for my own. I am new to this community, so I may have missed the taboo on providing another writer with my own ideas. I sincerely apologize for that.
I had absolutely no idea that the cannon meant that much to readers, that’s why I simply used known names for the characters I wrote. Like I said, the idea was to get a story going that could eventually become a hack, and I decided to basically start from scratch. I guess I missed the entire point of fanfiction there. My original idea was a hack of heartgold, so I wanted to use existing character models, just spice them up a bit. I am a huge fan of pokemon special, and loved the portrayal of Giovanni. Truly ruthless. I like the idea of using different names, as the current ones were just templates. Thanks for that. Your rant mode is exactly what I wanted, and has given me much to think about. The love triangles were really added as a last minute pitch to give the characters more depth, but simply stating their existence was practically useless. I plan to expand on that in the dialogue, along with more stuff from star wars and godfather. Giovanni is basically a super crime lord who wants to pass on his empire, but is not satisfied with working behind the scenes, and wants to rule all. ("Join me, and we can rule the galaxy/country/mob-empire as father and son...") 1. Giovanni is unlike good old Darth Vader because he is no one’s lackey. He is the top dog regardless of canon. This fundamental difference makes him in fact more evil than Darth Vader, who is only following orders. I chose blackthorn city because of the name and because it is so isolated. He can easily fly to any location on the map, and does most of his business at his real headquarters in the sylph building. Rather than hiding in plain sight like the original Giovanni, my Giovanni almost owns all of kanto, and is really famous. Blackthorn is his training area and part time job as mayor of a small city. As part of the story, Giovanni would be beaten by his son, then eventually capture darkrai and become the league champion (president). It seems fitting that he appear as a boss at the middle and end of the story. 2. As for Karen, she’s basically a daddy’s girl with lots of power and devotion. I tried to stay away from depicting her like Whitney, who I honestly hate so much that I didn’t even include her in the story. Unlike Whitney, Karen would be tough and commanding, but still have a soft spot for her family. Since Giovanni would be the dark type leader, Karen would take the type closest to dark: ghost. Giovanni is unsatisfied with her taking over for him because they are not blood related, and settles on Gold. She’s outshined because other people are better, especially palmer, who represents light and is the electric type elite four member. During the hack, I was planning to have Karen be a part of the goldenrod radio tower takeover, since she is the corrupted gym leader of that city. She also serves as hesitation for silver, who just can’t see her as evil, but readily turns on Gold and Lyra. This part definitely needs to be expanded upon. 3. As in the games, Silver is a constant menace who eventually turns over a new leaf by the end and forgives Gold for ever suspecting him. He even shows up some days at the pokemon league to offer more training for Gold. The reason he became vengeful was because of an extreme trauma, so accusing everyone he knows is quite normal. The bulk of his hate is centered on Giovanni, but since he is unreachable, is redirected instead at the next best thing: Gold. Maybe I’ll rewrite it so Silver’s mom dies in a car bombing while waving bye to her son. I agree that suspecting Lyra makes no sense. She should be a neutral player. 4. I wanted to make the gym leader position more important, so I decided that gym leaders would also be politicians involved in the running of the region (mayors/senators). This gives Giovanni and his lieutenants a means to gain power. the climax of the story would be the championship battle the second time around, in which Gold stops his father from doing anything extreme, but is unable to kick him out of the oval office. The illegal activity is never spoken of because no one is strong enough to argue with the president, but the characters still sit down together for dinner because they are a family and blood is thicker than water. 5. Good point. I guess the characters could be any age, and it wouldn’t really matter. However, I never intended age to factor into grittiness. The crime infested world is gritty, not the characters. The teenage years seemed appropriate because some people never truly grow out of this stage in their lives. But I refuse to make the characters younger. A ten year old traveling alone fighting ferocious monsters works fine in the anime and manga, but my story requires a less naïve mindset. If anything, they should probably be older. Early twenties will do fine. Thanks for the suggestion. The reason I posted this story is because I know it is incomplete, and at times, ridiculous. If you would like, I could expand more on any topic at your request. If you would like to help me in creating a hack, that would be awesome. If you have any stories that need a fresh perspective, I’m your man. once again, thank you for your advice. |
Needs help or advice on this one.
Basically, I'm writing a POV story based a little on Dialga and Palkia's fight and their worlds colliding with one another. However, the difference is that at the end, they become a couple. The thing is that I was going to have them fight fiercely. The way canon did it maybe even in some violent detail. But how can I bring in that moment where one of them says... 'hey, we shouldn't do this' Like in the canon, I was going to have Palkia transfer a town to another dimension to hide herself from Dialga. When they fight, I was going to also have someone convince them to stop fighting. a Pokemon most likely. Or I was going to do a backstory on that Dialga and Palkia have met long ago when they had two separate trainers caring for them. Yeah I'm stuck on this plot thing :p |
Uhh. So they try to kill each other in a fight to the death... And then somebody tells them to stop and they fall in love? Sorry but this isn't making much sense to me. Have you ever had two people trying to kill each other and then they get together at the end? I don't see that happening and it seems like it'd be extremely hard to get to work. : /
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I'm afraid the theory of people fighting to the death then becoming a couple sounds a little unrealistic in my eyes. Not unless something really drastic happens, but one of them just telling the other "This isn't good," wouldn't do much. For some reason I have a vivid image of a Diagla telling Palkia to stop and then Palkia biting its head off.
But this trainer thing and backstory could be used creatively. I'm afraid I can't give much help, but the idea has me intrigued |
Yeah I was thinking about doing a backstory on which the trainers were friends. And one had Dialga the other had Palkia and they meet blah blah blah. Dialga feels something for her blah blah.
Something like that. It makes more sense that way. |
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Gothitelle, here's what you can do:
Trainer Male and Trainer Female own Dialga and Palkia respectively. Trainer Male likes Trainer Female, and vice-versa. They are about to kiss, when a rift in Time sucks Male Trainer in. A rift in space sucks Female Trainer in too at the same time. The pokemon blame each other and get into a big fight. Dialga and Palkia learn it was Gigrantina/Arceus's fault, and make up. After combining their powers to beat Gigrantina/Arceus, the make-out. THE END Here's my idea for a fan-fic: A group of short stories describing the origins of several things in the pokemon world such as professor Oak, Castform, and Team Rocket. They are all interconnected in some way, but you could only tell if you read all the stories at once. It's based in Video-Game Cannon. The only story I have made progress in is the castforme origin, and it explains why and how the artificial pokemon was created, and why the **** they'd give it away to a trainer. |
Up-coming fan-fic
I know i haven't been here long,but I can't resist my first major pokémon fic. So, I'm show you an outline of the plot
James Cole was a pokémon trainer that had sailed all around the world in search of the the most powerful pokémon. After building his team he decided to work for professor Krantie. The professor was researching pokémon diseases and new gear for trainers. James, in his spare time, fought in arena battles, becoming stronger. He eventually was partnered with a girl named Ashley, a trainer who had once been a part of Unova's elite four.James grew a liking to Ashley,so did she to him. Soon Prof. Krantie had no need for James or Ashley,as he collected all the data he needed. Krantie asked then Ashley and James to,for their last mission, to investigate an island, far off the Hoenn region. The island was supposed to be the resting place of an ancient pokémon that wasn't even marked in any pokédex. Legend says that this is the darker twin of Arceus, the dark pokémon tried to destroy the universe Arceus created. Arceus sealed him in a tomb. James and Ashley go on a ship on a stormy night at sea to investigate...though...things are not as they seem... Please tell me what you think |
If you want feedback for your plot it goes in the Plot Bunny thread sticky. I'll just merge this there for you then.
As I've only a short time I'll say it's interesting but I am a bit sceptical of the 'darker Arceus' thing, and I also wonder where this is set - I'm currently presume a region you made up yourself (what with the different Professor there) in which case I wonder about the use of Arceus which is rather tied to Sinnoh - you could make it work but it'd need some consideration of that fact, I feel. |
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Besides, you went ahead with the stories anyhow, so... |
Sorry,I haven't read up on a lot of pokemon lore and all. The Prof is in Sinnoh, but the island(resting place of dark Arceus) is far off from the Hoenn region. Sorry for not explaining that. I used Hoenn because...I like Hoenn...And krantie is just a professor, not replacing the one already in Sinnoh.
PS Sorry I posted this in the wrong place |
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As for using Hoenn because you like Hoenn, it is fine to do so. You're just going to have to come up with an in-story reason as to why Dark Arceus is located there while Arceus is known in Sinnoh. |
I have another idea and it's inspired off the game, Super Princess Peach in a way.
Plot: When Palkia was in trouble, Dialga would always come to her rescue. Now, Ghetsis has kidnapped Dialga in effort to beat them both. With Dialga kidnapped, Palkia has to now be the active hero, however she isn't strong enough to beat Ghetsis or his robots nor is she confident enough in herself. Fortunately, before the robot holding him can escape along with Ghetsis, Dialga throws to Palkia his Adamant Orb. This orb contains a little bit of his strength, which she can use along on her mission. (meaning Dialga lent Palkia some of his strength through the orb). However, Ghetsis sees the orb as a threat to his plan, so he uses a laser to break the orb, which the 4 pieces are scattered. While, she still holds the 5th piece. tl;dra; Palkia, with the help of her team and their powers, has to find the pieces of the Adamant Orb to put the orb back together. Thus, giving her the power to defeat Ghetsis and rescue Dialga. However, Ghetsis arises again, only with a villian that requires not only the power of the Adamant Orb, but the power of Assistance, which Palkia needs Dialga's Roar of Time to defeat the villain. thoughts? |
Gothitelle, quick question over your plot: Why use Ghetsis and not Cyrus? In canon Cyrus is the one that wants Dialga and Palkia while Ghetsis wanted Reshiram and Zekrom. I don't know, it's weird to me that Ghetsis would want Dalga.
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Sadly that excuse won't hold up for readers - just because you like using Ghetsis, it doesn't mean that it makes sense for him to go for legendaries in another distant region to the one he is in, and in particular legendaries a different canon character (Cyrus) is very well known to be interested in unlike Ghetsis who is...well heck, he's not even that interested in the legendary Unova dragons - N was. Ghetsis was just more interested in manipulating N to control the world.
And why would he need the Adament Orb for his plans anyway/what are said plans in your story? |
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About the Adamant Orb, Ghetsis doesn't need the orb. He sees Dialga handing it to Palkia, and that causes a threat to his plans because the orb has Dialga's lent strength. Which Palkia can easily defeat Ghetsis and his robots with it. His plan was to kidnap Dialga to one) lure Palkia in to his base to defeat her and two) use his power to rule over time and rule the world. |
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In the game first time you walk on marvelous bridge you are greeted by the shadow triad who each give you an orb Adamant orb (Dialga) Lustrous orb (Palkia) and the Griseous orb (Girantina).He had them for some purpose which was most likely taking over the world or something. Discussion on Marvelous bridge "... ...You, huh." "Ghetsis is gone. He went off somewhere alone after we rescued him from the castle." "From the day Ghetsis saved our lives, we have sworn to be loyal to him. Even now, after he ordered us not to search for him." "Also, Ghetsis said to give you this..." Adamant Orb "As well as this..." Lustrous orb "And this, also." Griseous Orb "Ghetsis... Where did he find these? What was he planning to do with them? Why did he give them to you? There's no way to know now. Is he testing you? Or...using you?" As I said he wont just have them lying around his house the most logical purpose was to control the creation trio because they are the strongest legendaries (ability wise). POSSIBLE SPOILER!!!! i guess... Upon defeating Ghetis he clamis that "I'm absolutely perfect! I AM PERFECTION! I am the perfect ruler of a perfect new world!" perfect new world, he had planned to use the creation trio to make a perfect new world |
Not really a plot but just a vague idea I had in mind:
I was in the shower and thinking about the Mary Sue genre and just how hated it is. Then I thought what if there was a fanfic where the main character is a Mary Sue, a deliberate Mary Sue at that, and she seems annoyingly perfect, beautiful, very popular (maybe even famous in her school/workplace), etc. This can make her appear a bit arrogant to the reader but Mary Sue always tries to seem modest though it's not a sincere modesty. But then she is removed from her comfort zone (dunno... natural disaster maybe? Character conflict? Loss of wealth/home? Not sure what the catalyst would be yet) and suddenly because of this she finds herself floundering and shows her weak, selfish and cowardly sides - her true self because her life was pretty cushy right up until that point she had grown used to this perfect goody-two-shoes persona she had developed, but it wasn't really her if you get what I mean? Because she lacked life experience. Then all the secondary characters start to see this too - those that liked her start to lose respect for her, those that didn't like her feel a sense of confirmation of their initial feelings towards her. On top of that other characters start to steal the limelight in areas that Mary Sue used to be popular in (I'm just using Mary Sue as a place-holder name for now, who knows it might even be a guy) and this kind of makes her turn a bit nasty. People start to hate her because she starts to reveal that she always thought herself better than everyone and the conclusion could be that she needs to accept that she has flaws and weaknesses like everyone else, and only when she accepts this will she find any contentment. I need some advice on this idea, is it worth pursuing? Also does anybody have any ideas on how I could open it up without the reader thinking "Oh no, not another Mary Sue fic" and closing it before it's even gotten anywhere? Do you think it's wise to make it obvious that she is a Mary Sue so that the reader knows it's intentional? How can I hint in the beginning that she isn't going to stay a Mary Sue throughout the rest of the story? |
Another idea in the works and has been in my mind longer than the Palkia story.
Plot:I cannot think of an set evil plan on Ghetsis' end, but Gothitelle is pretty much a samurai on a mission to stop Ghetsis' hacking sceme and to get him before he defeats the master. This is pretty much going to be a ninja story with some stoic elements and maybe hints of a one-sided crush on Gothitelle coming from a girl. |
I had an idea for a Labyrinth/Neverending Story crossover.
Info: A Labyrinth/Neverending Story crossover. What if the underground was actually in the Fantasia world? After all, all we know about the underground is it's the underground, not where it's at, or what demenion it's in. A girl is destined to give the Childlike Empress a new name, but first must save the underground from the Nothing. And what happens when she falls in love with Jareth? The two must work together to save the underground and all of Fantasia. A JarethxOC story. And a possible older AtreyuxOC later on. Also I saw people fusing Labyrinth/Neverending Story/The Dark Crystal together. A great fic title for this would be,"The NeverEnding Crystal LabyRinth". |
Pokemon Journeys: Agate and Lazuli
This story's intro has been previously posted in the Writer's Lounge. Timothy and Erren have been best friends for three years since Timothy moved into "High Peak House", the uppermost house of Rebena Town (location wise). They frequently competed against each other in races, competitions and all sorts of challenges. They played with Pokemon dolls they had, having over 30 of them together, each of a different Pokemon from the Veniron region. One day, the two friends decide to take a journey out onto Route One, where they see a mysterious trainer, in a thick black jacket, with the hood drawn, battling Pikchen. They watch the battle in awe, wondering when their time will come to be Pokemon trainers. Suddenly, the mysterious trainer notices them and runs, leaving the wild Pikchen behind. Both Timothy and Erren decide that they want to begin their Pokemon journey, and they take a visit to the local Professor. You'll have to read the first chapter for more :D! |
It's an interesting way to begin a trainer fic, I'll give you that, but...what is a Pikchen? I assume it's a fakemon and all, which are fine for fics to have, but I'll mention a few things about fakemon. Firstly - make sure they're well described in the story. People reading Pokemon fics tend to know what they look like, but with fakemon only you will know how they look like and all, so make sure to get across to the audience what they look like, how they act/do their attacks/other actions/etc. (I also advise against relying on pictures to do that - maybe fine as an additional thing in say author notes, but not within the story itself).
Furthermore, I suggest making sure your Fakemon's 'purpose' or whatnot isn't already served by a current real Pokemon. That is - if you say wanted to use a penguin Pokemon, why use a Fakemon when you have the likes of Delibird and Piplup's line to choose from? No point risking confusing the audience to make something that's already covered by the 600+ Pokemon that currently exist after all. I feel this may be the case of Pikchen here - if it's say an evolution or related to Pikachu... I'll be wondering 'why' given it already has a pre-evolution and evolution. And if it isn't, then I wonder why it shares a notable part of the name with the most known Pokemon out there. (Lastly, why would the mysterious trainer run from them - is this a plot point? Just asking, as there should be a reason for a trainer to run away from two kids). |
I wasn't 100% sure whether to reply to those questions here:
- Yeah, a Pikchen is a new Pokemon, only found in Veniron. It is a cousin of the Pikachu, sharing similar characteristics (but it's more of a rabbit than a mouse) - Some of the Pokemon I create will be similar to current Pokemon, yes. I just wanted to create a whole Pokedex for my story, for a bit of an original take on Pokemon - Yep, the trainer running is a plot point. Thanks for replying and giving me this help! |
My Slash Fic Story Idea
Okay, I may get into trouble for writing this down, but if there is a problem, please inform me right away. This is a plot synopsis for a M/M slash fic, so if it doesn't belong here, tell me or don't read it.
Now, here's my story for a SceptileXQuagsire relationship: The story starts with a flashback to a Treeko hunting down a Pokemon to a pond in Hoenn. The grass type gets stuck on a rock near the center of the water and can't swim his way back. He gets picked on by a group of Woopers; however, one of them feels sympathetic to the green-colored lizard and helps him get back to shore. Once on shore, the Treeko's trainer captures the water Pokemon, and both of them become best friends. Now, cutting back to present day, our protagonists, both at their final evolutions, are in a double battle against a rivaling trainer. Despite the odds being against them, the Sceptile-and-Quagsire dynamic duo come out triumphantly. Later, their trainer takes a break near a secluded waterfall and lets the two be by themselves. Both of them start playing in the water. The Quagsire contemplates deep feelings for his gecko friend; however, he believes that his companion doesn't share the same feelings towards him. He gets excited when he sees his friend's wet, scaled body gleaming in the sun. The giant, blue salamander gets out and scurries off somewhere to relieve himself. Now by himself, the plant lizard starts to play with himself. He doesn't realize, however, that on a bush-covered cliff nearby, a certain water-ground type witnesses him jerking off as he does the same. After the Sceptile is finished, he starts to hear some grunts and smacking noise coming from where the Quagsire is hiding. Concerned for his friend, he hones in on the origin of the disturbance. What he finds startles him, for he sees his blue friend's hand and face covered in "you know what". Afraid that their friendship is severed, the Quagsire runs pass the Sceptile in tears. The plant lizard tries to go after him, but due to his mental state, the amphibian spits mud at him, slowing him down. He spots him diving into the darker area of the water and decides to descend into the unknown after him. He has become a better swimmer since he was a Treeko. Before he can resurface, his palm-tree-branch-like tail gets caught under some debris and struggles to breathe for some time. Before his vision darkens, he faintly sees a blob of blue mass coming after him. Sceptile reawakens in a underground cavern under the waterfall. He notices the Water Fish Pokemon on top of him and gently wakes him up. The big salamander becomes sad and tells him that he was afraid to confess his love to him. He believes that they wouldn't be friends anymore. The Sceptile says to him that they will always be friends. To hit his point home, the grass-type lizard caresses his slick-skinned companion and deeply kisses him. *It gets sexually explicit from this point, so I'll say that they made sweet love.* After doing their dirty deed, they resurface at the waterfall and rejoin with their trainer. Their lives have changed for the better or for worse. Okay, that's the rough draft version of the story, so I need some great advice from the professionals. Thank you for your time. |
Slash fics are allowed. But quite a few of your scenes are too explicit for PC's rules, and if you had posted your story without checking first, you would have been banned. Which means that the scenes where the two characters have more physical revelations about their relationship shouldn't be posted on PC.
Other than that, the plot line sounds like a lot of romance fics. The way they meet, growing up together, secretly developing feelings, the sudden revelation of love, and then proceeding to the physical end-all. It's just a plot that's been seen before. Doesn't mean you can't write it. Just that you'll have to put in a little extra of yourself in there to make it different from what's been seen before. |
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Take the time in the story to develop the relationship so that it's more believable. Spend the time on the back story and the characters' feelings/thoughts so the readers can understand why they feel the way they do about each other. As for any particular romance fics, I can't really recommend any in particular. I stopped reading romance fics years ago. You can look through the romance fics for Pokemon on Fanfiction.net or take a look at the shipping fic forum on SPPf for some ideas. |
Yeah Sinphony_#9, going to have to agree with Astinus that the relationship with Sceptile and Quagsire seemed rushed. Like she said, take the time to develop their relationship. I have done a few romance fics and the biggest mistake I tend to do is rushing the relationship between the two characters. As I became more comfortable writing romance, I realized it's quite hard work to have the romance between the two character develop naturally. Heck, one particular pairing (not Pokemon) I'm writing now it took me two one shots and a short chaptered fic for me to establish their relationship and show how it's progressing. Pretty much I too will suggest looking over some Pokemon romance fics at FFnet and Serebii. If you want, I can help out with your story , though I'm not sure how well I'll give advice over romance between two Pokemon. XD Good luck!
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Kind of a random question..
But do any of you ever try to roleplay with a friend to iron out plot points? I read it somewhere and I thought "Hmm.. I wonder if that's actually helpful.." I don't know whether to consider it.. Thoughts? |
I do not roleplay with others although at times I do talk about ideas I've had with someone. But I do know people who do that and I know it works for them, so there's something in it. Doesn't mean it would work for everyone though but it's not a silly concept. (In a way if you think about how characters will react to something you're just roleplaying with yourself via your characters, imo - so as long as the other person also knows your characters then there's not much different there).
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Idea for an anime plot (feedback appreciated):
Each ledgendary Pokemon has a special item associted with them know as their respective "Ledgend Souls" These are the emodiment of the power of each ledgendary pokemon and can be used to power them up. Here is a list of the Ledgend Souls and the respective pokemon they belong to: Spoiler:
After a psychological study involving hypnotism, Giovanni has remembered his last encounter with Mewtwo. Infuriated, he puts his research team to work to find out a method of obtaining Mewtwo. One of the researchers stubles upon and old article written about the Ledgend Souls. With an evil glint in his eye, Giovanni now comes to the realization that is he were to acquire these items, he would not only be able to control Mewtwo, but all other Ledgendary Pokemon as well! He begins forming squads of Team Rocket members (including Butch, Cassidy, Hun, Atilla, Dr. Zager, Pierce, Proffessor Nanba, Domino, even Jesse, James and Meowth etc.) to search for the souls, and demands research on manipulating the souls to control their respective ledgendary pokemon. Upon hearing this, Looker (who is doing an undercover reconnasance [I know I mispelled that] mission) immediately sends for help. However, the International Police are experiencing problems of their own with talk of Team Galactic reformation and does not have time to investiagte "old folklore". Discouraged, Looker turns to Gym Leaders, Elite Four Members and Champions. Some agree to help, but it's that time of year and many are too busy with the annual throng of challengers that visit each day to challenge them. Without enough aid to his cause, Looker travels to Unova to enlist the help of Ash who is staying at Soul City with Iris and Cilan as he continues toward Mistralton City. Eager to help, Ash heartily accepts Looker's invitation along with Iris and Cilan, just as Jesse, James, and Meowth are recieving invitations of their own. Suddenly, Ash has the idea to gather his other friends to help Looker's cause as well. With the help of his super-speed jet plane, Looker, Ash and co gather Ash's many companions over the years including some old rivals (Misty, Tracey, Paul, May, Max, Morrison, Barry, Gary, Trip, Georgia etc.) as well as some Proffessors for the sake of researching the locations of these souls. (Ivy, Juniper etc.) new characters meet old and everyone breaks up into groups some accompanied by the few Gym Leaders, Elite Four Members, and even Steven and Lance who had found the time to aid Looker. Now, it's a race against the forces of Team Rocket to see who can gather the souls first, command the ledgends and save or enslave the Earth. And with every soul he finds Giovanni gets one step closer to discovering the location of the most powerful Ledgend Soul of all: the Azure Flute. |
@swiftgallade46
That is a lot of legendary Pokemon you're going to include. The problem with this is that you'll end up listing everything in a span of a paragraph, especially with the names and the items, and it'll be a jumbled mess, more often than not. Narrow the Pokemon down a bit, like say capturing the Legendary Pokemon of the Kanto/Johto region, since Team Rocket is the most prominent in those regions, therefore having a stronger following there. I also see that you want to use the whole anime cast as well. I'll just warn you right now, it's extremely difficult to keep everyone in character. If they're not in character, use your own characters instead, otherwise it's pointless in my view. Also try narrowing down this gigantic character list as well, since including every person as a main character is like having an all-star team. Not all the stars will stand out as they're supposed to, so I call it wasted talent. Don't just slap in characters because they'd look good. Keep it simple, that's your basis. Too many characters means that you'll have to keep track of them and it will end up confusing the reader sometime later, if you choose to write this story. The next thing I want to point out is that you say that items can control legendaries, but it should just simply be PokeBalls. Those control legendaries (since they are Pokemon), not items. I think it would be better if you said that the items are used to lure the legendary or another, but even that is a bit farfetched. The plot itself just steers away from your original path that Giovanni wanted: Mewtwo. He tries to find it, but then strays off and decides to go catch every legendary Pokemon. If you're basing this story on Team Rocket catching all the legendary Pokemon, then you should just keep Mewtwo out. Giovanni is already greedy and cynical enough to want to catch legendary Pokemon to begin with. I think it would work nicer if Giovanni worked with some colleague, and they were archeological pals or something (Giovanni in Pokemon Special was a fossil collector...) and they came across the legend of the items. After Giovanni kills his colleague out of pure avarice, he sets out to catch the Pokemon. This is simply an example, by the way. Okay, so I decided to re-read your plot a few more times, and the items look like what a Dragon Scale is in the games (10% damage boost for Dragon-type attacks), and similar items. I believe that your items are just like power-ups, so [email protected] should have theirs as the Soul Dew, to keep it canon. Heck, it even has Soul in the name so it fits! The whole item concept, to me, sounds odd and put off since Mewtwo was created by man and all, so I'd wonder where its item came from. As long as you can explain it well, I think Cynthia would be fantastic for this role, then I suppose your story will turn out fine. |
well i was planning on making it a saga rather than one movie so the items an ledgendaries would be spread out more. (i should have said that earlier) i didnt use the soul dew or other already existing items (such as the orbs) because these item are supposed to more powerful. I stray from the original plot only out of Giovanni's greed but I do like the idea of giving him an accomplice (possibly leaders of other evil organizations so his plans can be extended to other regions) as for the pokeball idea I don't think pokeballs control ledgendary pokemon. they catch them but they far from control them. the ledgend souls were crafted by ancient tribes seeking to calm the ancient ledgendaries and keep their power from destroying the Earth. they were then locked away. Mewtwo's soul is a mutated form of mews which was formed by the doctors who created it. But of coursr they were killed by mewtwo and the item was lost forever before Giovanni even knew of it's creation. there. plot whole filled. :D thanks for the input amd yes Cynthia would be BEAST here.
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I have recently found myself with a considerable amount of free time, insomnia and very little to do. So, I decided one thing that I’ve wanted to do for a while that I could do is some fanfiction, and I’d like to try and do it properly. My history in doing so isn’t fantastic due to poor ideas, badly executed good ideas and just not finishing. So, if I plan it out properly and work on it then I should be able to come out with something good. Not had too many ideas so far. But I have had one, I’m not completely sure on it though and that’s kind of why I’m here. Because there’s probably something I’m missing in thinking it through, or it’s just too clichéd which I’m rather worried about. So here goes something…
To clarify, Pokémon fiction, though that’d be fairly obvious… Anyway, the idea is generally an attempt at, I guess, a “trainerfic” set in a real place, the United Kingdom (because it’s the one place I know). The idea is of a National Pokémon League tournament held annually, much like the anime (regardless of however much I personally despise it) I suppose, 6v6 single elimination bracket style tournament held at the end of the summer. 8 badges to qualify? Why not? Seems to always work so why change it, but anyway. Because I’m setting it in a real place I’d rather focus on trying to integrate the idea of Pokémon and a League into the modern society in which we live opposed to just having anyone go around doing whatever like the anime/manga/games. The point that I’m trying to make is having the Pokémon League held essentially as a Summer Challenge for people who have left school at 18. Not everyone competing will be 18 though as younger people will maybe be doing it with a parent or something, or an older person trying it again or something similar. For the two months of July and August, 12 Gyms spread out across the country are open to challengers in a 3v3 single battle against a Gym Leader with the prize being a badge that contributes to the 8 required for qualification to the Pokémon League. So people can go to any 8 of the 12 gyms they choose in any order, usually to compensate for where you start out and are willing to travel to. (When deciding on locations I might increase it to 14 or 15 just to allow a decent coverage of the country. Although, obviously, not all of the gyms would be visited through the story.) So I have a basic idea of a Pokémon League and if I’m honest it sounds really clichéd to me but you’re probably thinking “Ok, so what’s actually going to happen in this story?” and I’m gonna admit that I am probably waffling a bit in this explanation. Sorry. I wanted the story to follow the tales of 3 or 4 different trainers as they travelled around the country visiting different places, meeting different people, doing different things, having different battles, etc. The idea of this is that they all start in different places and take different routes but do along the way meet up with each other and sometimes go along together, intentionally and unintentionally. Just so it’s not 4 different people randomly meeting up by chance, two of them will know each other before the start of the story and will want to meet up at some point as they’re friends/rivals. There will also be a few recurring characters also challenging the Gyms that will appear to the main 4. Now, as I’m not the greatest fan of having starting out trainers having to train and catch an entire team that will lead them to victory, not to mention bad at writing such things or that it’d be quite difficult to do in 2 months and that 18 year olds are not going to have no experience with Pokémon at all, the main characters will have full teams or close to completed teams. But there will obviously be some weaker links and favouritism in the teams so they’re not exactly going o be 6 Level 100s or anything. And they will more than likely improve throughout the course of their journeys. Chances are that each of the trainers’ Pokémon will be introduced individually with some kind of backstory early on as to explain how they’d come to be as such but not all at once as an entire chapter of explaining why someone has what team they have would be very slow. Just before I move onto the main characters themselves I’m wondering about writing it, because I’m following 4 (or possibly 3) people individually and the way the story is told will be different for each as they’re different people. So I’m just wondering is this difficult for the reader to go from one character who is all about just doing something to someone who’s thinking through every possibility and going a bit slower? And would I be able to alternate between the different narratives in a single chapter or would it work better to dedicate chapters solely to a single character. Or even split it up into different stories essentially, one after the other until a chapter or two when they come together. (Much like Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep for anyone who’s played as that’s how I’m thinking of the last option.) As for the characters themselves, I was thinking 2 boys, 2 girls. The boys would be, I guess, like a double act. Equal and opposite. Friends since childhood and rivals in everything they do. They’d be starting in different places having moved away from where they grew up and would be keeping in contact to let each other know how they’re doing so can attempt to outdo the other as friendly rivals do. One of them focuses on strategy, tactics and skill. Very thoughtful, plans things and works things out so they go his way. The other, power, hit them and hit them hard. More about action and will force things into going his way, doesn’t necessarily think things through but regardless of what happens he’s likely to deal the damage. The Doctor vs The Master if you will. Since the one who focuses on power isn’t necessarily a brutish idiot. Actually, that isn’t the greatest comparison... Might have to get back to you on that one. And then I realised while writing this out that the story might work better if it’s focused on just the two guys and their rivalry and reducing the other characters I had planned to recurring characters. Never the less, I might as well still mention the other two. The first girl is the daughter of a Gym Leader which provides a personal conflict for her as when she originally tries to challenge her mum she declines knowing that her daughter isn’t good enough to win and the journey to improve so that she can challenge again and hopefully win against a parent. The problem I encounter here is I wonder what is the point in this character? What relevance does she have to the others and how does she encounter them? Which I will obviously have to answer. The 4th character was the one I doubted the most as she shares the same problem in linking to the other characters and story other than that they are also in the Pokémon League challenge. I’m rather sceptical about this one as I feel that with lack of experience or knowledge of situations similar to the character’s I’d struggle to write her believably. As the idea for her was to be a runaway or someone living on the streets fighting for herself. I had the thought that she’d be a thief so that she can get food and an obvious target might be one of the other main characters. And that’s really about it, these 4 people are attempting to challenge the Pokémon League and maybe even win it. So, I’m wondering if this is a good/bad idea, is it as horribly clichéd as I think it is? If it’s not a horrible idea, what have I not thought about that I need to consider? And would it work better with just the 2 main characters or the 3/4? Ok, my first post is a lot bigger than I was expecting but never mind... |
Well SlightlyAwkwad, welcome to Pokecommunity and FF&W!
Now we got the introductions over, your plot is basically a giant OT fic. I'm not sure if you're familiar with that, but these are rather overused and extremely popular in the Pokemon fandom. When I mean popular, I just mean a huge number of writers decide to write one. The difference between yours and the standard clichéd fic would be that the story itself takes place in the real world rather than a Pokemon region. I don't really find the difference other than there would be cars, pollution, and other shining points of our society mixed in with cute adorable Pokemon running around smacking people silly. I'm not trying to discourage you from writing it. I'm just telling you to make sure it's different from the thousands of other OT fics already written. It doesn't really matter how well written it is, it would still be rather boring. I'd suggest looking at other OT fics that are a bit different from the norm. Better yet, read a random OT fic (you can surf on other websites or even here!) and see exactly what not to do. Reading other fics will help you differentiate bad writing and good writing as well as understanding other aspects of the Pokemon world and interactions. Further more, your fic looks like it could be very cookie cutter. It a fic revolving around the characters, which is supposed to produce a conflict in some way or another. But it seems like everyone already knows each other or will meet each other very early (especially with the childhood friends/rivals ordeal. It's the same with Red/Blue from the original RBY isn't it?) and there wouldn't be anything happening, other than their friendship being mended or torn. I like that there is a character who's the Gym Leader's daughter. I'm sure that would bring something new to the table, like the necessity of beating their parent or something. Then again, we've seen that in the RSE games (Norman and your player). As for characters, that's all I can really point out. They've all been seen before and I'm not entirely sure if readers would be intrigued by it. Also, don't put in a character just to balance gender or for the point of having another one. Since you have no idea for your fourth character (that runaway girl), just don't put her in if she's just going to be either a plot device or useless later on. If you can write it well and flesh out some real conflict, I think that part would turn out fine. And you can change the narrative to follow all the different characters. Personally, I'd prefer it that way since if you follow one character for too long, we'd be reading their description of the street they're on or how they train their Pokemon, which is what I would call a filler. You said you wanted for the final chapters (I'm assuming) there to be the grand tournament. I don't think a full on 6 v 6 battle in every single chapter would be entertaining. Yes, battles are probably one of the most engaging parts of your story to the reader but with your number of characters (we're assuming you have four) in each round, imagine how boring and repetitive that is. And imagine how hard it would be for you to write it. I would say that you should limit the number of Pokemon in the first rounds (in the anime they have preliminaries where they battle 1 v 1, 2 v 2, etc.). Or you can just skip that and go to the real part of the tournament where it's say, the final 32 or something. And even then, I'd skip a few parts of the battle (like start a chapter in the middle of a battle). Just be sure to manage this part well so that it doesn't get boring or repetitive. Finally, there's nothing really happening. If the Pokemon League Tournament in the country was a new thing and this was its first year in the making that would make it more interesting and see how well the officials handle it (not to mention all their mistakes they will make). I'd say it would be better with more conflict with the governing officials and all. But nevertheless, there's no point in the story. It's just following four people as they travel across England and get gym badges and go to compete in a tournament. If you can write it well, sketch out an interesting and engaging plot, as well as have a good amount of conflict in your story (don't forget conflict is what makes your story), I think the story will turn out well. And since this is your first time writing a Pokemon fic, I'd recommend these two links: Writing Resources and The Beta Place. The writing resources link is pretty self-explanatory, all about looking at standard writing ideas and some help with Pokemon information (which you might want to look at if you want to put in a backstory to all 24-some Pokemon you want in your story). The Beta Place is a different thing. You sign up and get a beta reader, who will read your fic before you post it somewhere. They'll edit it, proofread it, and tell you what's good and what's bad. It's pretty useful especially for new writers like yourself. |
I kinda expected a response like that with my worries of being too clichéd and such. I guess my main problem is what you said about making sure it's different from the however many that clutter the internet as I have a degree of familiarity with the genre. I just wasn't aware of how much I'd fallen into the trap of genericness. From the ideas I've thrown around in my head I can't seem to think of an idea to make it different that doesn't completely change the entire story to something new. Say, the idea of something bad happening to people who lose in the tournament for example death. But because so much would have to be changed about it, such as why it happens, how it's got away with, etc would alter the story and most likely remove the entire story leading up to the tournament. So I suppose that's an idea I could think of but it's something completely different. Not to mention the fact I had thought that (especially if I didn't include the 4th character) it'd be a much more light hearted affair with dashes of humour here and there. But throwing in the death thing would mean it probably shouldn't be funny.
Another thing that'd I'd thought about was the possibility of some sort of cult organisation or something similar attempting to obtain some kind of power like say Rayquaza for some sort of evil purpose that I won't detail. And then the obvious thing is that the main characters get involved somehow, my idea being that the organisation attempts to recruit one or more of the main characters, potentially succeeding. Thus getting the rest involved. But I did want to sort of stray away from the whole "Teenager challenging Pokémon League saves the world" thing that I imagine is overdone. Unless the specific idea isn't that bad? At the moment, I'm feeling like the general idea of this plot probably isn't going to work now. Obviously I don't expect to create something spectacular on a first proper attempt but I'd rather not make it harder for myself by trying to do the same as everyone else but different or doing something that will most likely be lost in the sea of identicals... Not necesarily going to completely give up yet though. Hmmm. Tough choice. Regardless, thank you for the comments and help. |
Don't worry. That's why you're on this thread, right?
Remember that changing your plot is a good thing. I got trapped in that as well, where I refused to revamp a few things and decided that it was good as is. I eventually wrote a good number of chapters, which were all basically crap. Only when I actually read it did I realize that it was just garbage compiled of random words. I deleted the entire document and began fresh. Now I'm extremely paranoid before I actually post something. So don't be afraid to revise your plot, even if it's the little things you believe people won't notice. Those little things will show that your story is a new thing. Those little things will add up and make sure that your story is unique. I actually really like the idea about people who lose being put to death. Okay, I don't mean I like people dying. I like that there's an extreme amount of pressure to win. This is what creates a motive. This is what makes your characters deeper. Don't be afraid if this little part will make your story longer. Your story can be as long as you like, just as long as everything in it is completely relevant to the plot. I suggest that you start out with an ending. A lot of movies are doing that, so your story would be told in hindsight. Since we know how it ended, how did it begin? That's what your story would dive into. Death actually can be funny, depending on the mood of your story. Sure, death will obviously be a downer but Shakespeare had a few deaths and kind of made up for it with comic relief. That will take a lot of skill in writing to begin with but it could be possible. Just don't force it. On the other hand, with the cult thing, teenager saving the world is a bit overused as well. I'm sure you know a lot of OT fics actually try to be in-sync with the games so their trainer is typically involved in the teams (depending on the region) and set out to stop them and conveniently make it in time for the tournament. Meh. But wow, I really really really like the death for losers idea. I might steal it xD The general idea of your plot, which really focuses on the development of your characters and how they collide, should really be kept the same. I mean your characters are fine. You just have to give them a good world to play in. |
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Sinphony_#9: "Now by himself, the plant lizard starts to play with himself." Why does he do that? Is that regular for him? Is this regular for Pokémon in general? Especially, how much is it too expect to have gay Pokémon? Is it more common in a specific race? "Their lives have changed for the better or for worse." Good for them, but how will it go on? What will the trainer say, how will they continue to meet up with each other when "imprisoned" into Pokéballs? "I know it's your typical romance fic, so do you have any suggestions or know someone who can help me flesh out the story? Do you know any published romance short stories I can read to get my creative juices going?" As for that, why not write a "normal" romance with this theme (these Pokémon and all) as an writing excercise? Can not hurt, as I think. Quote:
swiftgallade46: "[GoGo Giovanni: Collect the items!]" I like the idea, but the hole would be, that Mewto wouldn't have something like that, since it is "merely" a clone. "But of coursr they were killed by mewtwo and the item was lost forever before Giovanni even knew of it's creation." Let me rephrase that: For the scienists to create such an item, they should know of its (theoretical) existence first. They would have reported it to Giovanni. And the problem with Mewto was in the first place, that they couldn't control it any longer. As far as I know, Pokémon are considered as Legendary Ones, if they are very very few of them (see Lugia), or even only one, and as such, they have their history. This history could be linked to the items. Well, except for Mewto, because it is very young, compared to its companions. "Looker travels to Unova to enlist the help of Ash" Ha. Hahahaha! Perfect! Even it may have been obvious, let's just get the kid who already encountered every legendary, maybe they will understand then. Also maybe we can make use of his power of infinite youth! Really, I like it. But all in all that is a book, nothing less. I don't know you, but I simply expect it to be too much for you. A trick would be to split it up into OneShots, e.g. the battle for Ho-Oh, the search for Raiku etc. So to say, just the highlights and not the riffraff between. Of which you at least should know what happens, else it won't be better that way. So, now I'm to tired to read over the other people's plots, because it's late. These days I will take the next look. EDIT: Oh wow, look! 5 Posts I was too lazy too read that time, but all of them were about one plot! So, my apologies I didn't criticize it last time. So, psyanic said a lot of things and they are probably true (about this being a common plot; no idea since I don't know the fandom (yet)). But nevertheless I would disagree with his attitude. Remember Watt-Evan's Law: "There is no idea so brilliant that a sufficiently ham-handed writer can't make an unreadable story out of it." That said, your plot is not bad at all, just used. So, ask yourself what you want to write this fic for? If you want to get prayers from all readers, your plot may be a little bit common for that. But if you write it for yourself, the first important thing is to have fun and do not force yourself to anything. And I think, you should try to write this story as an exerise, because as it is with all things, exercise will make you better at it. Seriously, my first written-on-paper story I can remember was half a site and about a girl who got attacked by monsters but then woke up and found out it was all a dream. So original, huh? On another side, I remember the Anime Lucky Star being without any big plot at all, but nevertheless it was fascinating by the little humor and nonsense and the lovelyness of the characters. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya was hardly with any plot but nevertheless this self-righteous girl Haruhi and the "why am I doing this" boy Kyon were somehow so amazing you just kept watching. (Nevertheless the second Season was filler as… you know.) To give the bad example (and so the example for the quote), I just finished reading a somehow retarded original story. The plot was not bad, there were magical stones who sealed a democratic evil behind some montains and since now the stones found their way back to the protagonists, it's kinda easy to see the ruler returned. But the writing was sooo bad. Not the grammar or something, but this little stupid details. The protagonists were able to wander a distance in the same time at it would go with horses, they eat breads for lunch (so to say, one for each), one protagonist was flipping out, when another undressed a female one trying to save her from death, like he never had saw the woman body before, the evil ruler tries to hide his return, yet on the other side he destroys cities and so on. Fazit: You can create a fine story with an average plot, as long you look out for details. To your original questions: Speaking about details you should be well informed about your characters before starting writing, so when you don't know anything about the fourth child better ignore it completely or thing more about her. If you should change the point of view within a chapter or not is a kind of rhetoric question, because you are the one who will decide how long a chapter goes. If you were a funny one, you could change the point of view every paragraph and call it a chapter. But I will try to help with an example. My favourite author's second book has about 70 chapters with about 20 A4pages each. That's a whole lot. And about the first 40 chapters, he gave 2 chapters to the human world, then 2 two the demon world and so on, if I remember correctly. He is awesome, so no one of the readers had a problem with that. In fact, sometimes it was used to build tension. "Wanna know what's going on? Well, wait until two other chapters are done!" Teasing, but fun. But on some point it annoyed me and I was waiting for those story lines to come together. So, to make a suggestion, you should concentrate one one character a chapter, but there will be no problem if you shortly change the view to another one, be it for a cliffhanger at the end or maybe some evil guy who is plotting plans in the dark. But I would like to see the persons coming together at the end of the story (before league, just because they like travelling together). |
I have a story idea, I haven't got a very good plot yet, though.
Story Name: Skylanders: Nature calls! Basic info: It's based on Skylanders, and Spyro goes around Sky Islands to save people from the evil Kaos. On the way he finds new friends, like Trigger Happy, Gill Grunt and Bash. Him and the other Skylanders have to get the different sources to stop the tornadoes and recreate the eternal source. Somewhere in the story Spyro falls in love with a fairy, Persephe (Per-seff) which halts the journey to complete the eternal source. What do you think? Have you got any good ideas to make it better? anyone here got Skylanders or better, completed it? |
SKYLANDERS!
I thought no one else here would play that game. Right now, your fic seems like a basic novelization of the game, except with more background on the characters. (I only have the 3DS version, so I might have missed several things due to the differences in the game. Like the 3DS villain is Hektor and not Kaos.) You'll want to add more to the plot to make it different than what readers could get from just playing the game. Also, what do you mean by the romance with Persephe stopping the journey? Maybe I missed something (again, the 3DS version is really lacking on story for Skylanders), but you'll just want to be careful on making the romance not take over the plot by having it stop the journey unless needed. |
Well in the game you find a fairy called Persephone. This is going to be her sister, and after finding a few more friends he'll fall in love with her, and stay in that town for at least a chapter, then she gets taken by Kaos on the next chapter and he carries on to save her and the world. I can't think of any other ideas to add, though. Maybe He could find a new Skylander, or i don't know D8
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I have an idea for a Legend of Zelda Fanfiction which is not titled as of yet. This is based off my opinion that each Hero, with the exception of maybe Wind Waker Link, are Reincarnations of a previous Hero.
Basic Summary: Set in a world where the Great Flood never occurred. The goddesses answered the Hylian's pleas for help in a different. All they needed was another hero like the Hero of Time to set things right. The only problem was that the Hero of Time technically never came to be due to the Princess's act of sending the Hero back into his original timeline. Because they couldn't get a Hero from their timeline, the Goddesses grabbed the soul of a Hero from an alternate timeline. They placed the soul in the womb of pregnant woman. Only they don't release that she's pregnant so therefore the soul is split in two. Fearing that the Goddesses had abandoned them, the Hylians, Gorons, and Zoras fled from their homes taking refugee in lands far from Hyrule. Over the years Hyrule took drastic turns for the worst under Ganon's rule. Monsters, demons, and various other creatures of nefarious intent flooded the fields, towns, and forests. A dark mist prevailed throughout the lands. The monsters seemed to be drawn to the strange mist. Every year in a village named Ordon, the villagers select two of their young men to gather the necessary supplies to replenish the barrier which keeps the mist away. The barrier holds for a year then quickly fades after the year has past. This year it's up the to twins Liam and Ryan to gather the needed materials. |
Hi, I am currently writing a fan fiction based on Pokemon and I lime my plot and am having trouble thinking of a reason for something that happens in the story itself.
You see I am setting my story twenty to thirty years after the events of black and white. A huge war brome out that lasted several years. Some where and somehow down the line I want all regions to ban Pokemon training. This for purpose to give one of my main characters a bit of a shady background due to his involvement in underground Pokemon training and battles. The problem is I can't think of a reason for the regions to ban training. So I am asking is does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for the banning of training and battling? If I put this in the wrong forum I do apologize Hi, I am currently writing a fan fiction based on Pokemon and I lime my plot and am having trouble thinking of a reason for something that happens in the story itself. You see I am setting my story twenty to thirty years after the events of black and white. A huge war brome out that lasted several years. Some where and somehow down the line I want all regions to ban Pokemon training. This for purpose to give one of my main characters a bit of a shady background due to his involvement in underground Pokemon training and battles. The problem is I can't think of a reason for the regions to ban training. So I am asking is does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for the banning of training and battling? If I put this in the wrong forum I do apologize |
@ roen52 - late, but it sounds like an interesting introduction to the story, and a neat 'what if...' take on LoZ.
How does said barrier keep the mist away though? @Nine-Toes: Quote:
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Thanks for the tips bobandbill. As for the "brome" incident. I tend to type real fast and sometimes for get to recheck what I type. What I meant was "a was that lasted many years."
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So, I need help bouncing around a few ideas and fine-tuning the plot's nuts and bolts of my fanfic on this site; The Ballad of Greg Thomas, if anyone's willing to help. Naturally, these contain major spoilers for the fic, so read at your own peril if you want to enjoy it like a "normal" reader:
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You know, I did reply to your idea FourCartridge, but it got lost and I got pissed and I gave up. So now, I'm gonna re-type everything I said before because no one replied to your plot dilemma to begin with... And it'll be in a spoiler tag so that other people don't get spoilers too, I guess.
Spoiler:
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Thanks. Never though I was going to get a reply.
Spoiler:
Thanks again. if you could reply that would be great. |
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