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-   -   The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club] (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=252766)

SchwarzRozen July 9th, 2013 7:33 AM

I don't care if I get recognized as a girl or a guy, as same as I don't mind being a girl or a guy. I have more girly moments in my life and then I have more boyish moments. Right now I'm in a very girly moment right now, and I love it <3

I have gone through many different identity phases, bouncing around all diffrent trans and non trans identitys, however I've found myself most happy when I'm just apathetic to gender and just kind of go with the flow; if I'm girly then I am girly, and if I'm not then I'm not, simple as that n,n'

Right now I'm in a really girly phase for example however one week from now I could be out of it and just be in a "eh, whatever" kind of mood towards my gender. Sometimes its hard to explain to people around me, so if there is confusion I understand. Not a lot around here seem to understand that I like relax on the raft on gender river than to try to stir the boat one way or another u,u'

but as I said; really don't care as its really something between me, the glitter, the stockings, and myself again. n,n

Esper July 10th, 2013 8:32 AM

I hope someday in the future everyone will just "go with the flow." Like, not everyone being genderfluid or genderqueer or anything like that necessarily. Just that no one will wonder or care if you're male or female or both or neither or if you're not the same thing you were last week.

Nathan July 10th, 2013 6:43 PM

I know I'm not part of the club or anything but I always wanted to ask this question. It was in my mind for a little while now. It's mostly directed to those who change genders through an operation : Why would you do it?
I don't quite get why one would like to change his gender and if possible, I'd like to get some answers on it. I mean no harm and excuse me if this offense anyone in any manner.

Kanzler July 10th, 2013 6:58 PM

There are people who grow up feeling that their body and soul don't match. So they decide to match the body to the soul.

Inkblots July 10th, 2013 8:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7731690)
I hope someday in the future everyone will just "go with the flow." Like, not everyone being genderfluid or genderqueer or anything like that necessarily. Just that no one will wonder or care if you're male or female or both or neither or if you're not the same thing you were last week.

I'm back! Work is crazy *dies*

Anyway, I totally agree with this. The older I get, the more I really don't care what gender a person is.

TornZero July 10th, 2013 9:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JNathan (Post 7732220)
I know I'm not part of the club or anything but I always wanted to ask this question. It was in my mind for a little while now. It's mostly directed to those who change genders through an operation : Why would you do it?
I don't quite get why one would like to change his gender and if possible, I'd like to get some answers on it. I mean no harm and excuse me if this offense anyone in any manner.

Non-hateful questions are very welcome, as far as I know. It only takes a little effort to understand it, even if you don't accept it, as long as you're not actively going against it. In answer, it's not just a change -- it's a correction. A bug fix, so to speak.

Think about this: if something in your body wasn't wired properly according to your brain, wouldn't you want to have that resolved?

If there's a bug in your game that affects how the end-user plays it, like a clipping issue or models that aren't being rendered incorrectly (such as parts being too big or too small), you'd want to get rid of the bug so the player can fully enjoy the game.

For a minority of players it's tolerable, even if they can't really enjoy it; they just want to get through the game. For others, they find debilitating issues surrounding that bug, preventing them from progressing; in severe cases, such as a total lack of tech support (or worse, tech support laughs at the player and/or blames them for the bug), players can throw in the controller and give up on the game altogether. (This is, of course, to imply attempts at suicide. Many transpeople have attempted suicide due to lack of support and mockery from the people they need the emotional strength from.)

You can also relate it to a phantom limb sensation, since that's something nearly everyone understands. The limb isn't there after you've lost it, but your brain still thinks it is due to wiring; it's a part of your body, even if it isn't there, and your brain knows it. Therefore, you feel as if the limb was still attached to you. For transpeople, this is one explanation of how their brain-body relationship works.

It isn't so much as being "a man trapped in a woman's body" or vice versa. I actually find this phrasing offensive when used personally. My body is, in fact, mine; there are just some bugs in the programming.

Hopefully this helps you understand it in more personal terms (rather than social or spiritual) if at least a bit.



Also, instead of double-posting under the new account, announcement time as if my signature wasn't enough: I'm moving accounts for very little reason besides wanting to move accounts to coincide with various other movements (and potential, hopeful movements) going on in my life, so I'll be posting under that one from now on.

Esper July 11th, 2013 8:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JNathan (Post 7732220)
I know I'm not part of the club or anything but I always wanted to ask this question. It was in my mind for a little while now. It's mostly directed to those who change genders through an operation : Why would you do it?
I don't quite get why one would like to change his gender and if possible, I'd like to get some answers on it. I mean no harm and excuse me if this offense anyone in any manner.

Imagine that suddenly everybody have feet instead of hands and vice versa, but you still feel how you do now. Everyone tells you it's normal to have feet on your arms and hands on your legs, but you feel that you have to have hands on your arms. It's just something you know is right for you.

The simplest way of explaining it is that it comes down to being comfortable with yourself. Most people don't worry about this aspect of themselves because they're already comfortable with that part of themselves. They are biologically male or female, people treat them male or female, and that's how they feel about themselves.

There are people who are only sort of uncomfortable up through people who are very uncomfortable and depending on what each person feels they need to do to be themselves determines if they'll have surgeries or hormones. Not everyone will have the same exact reasons or experiences though.

Nathan July 11th, 2013 10:41 AM

Ok thanks for the answers. It's clearer to me now.

FenrirDarkWolf July 13th, 2013 2:33 PM

Heyo everyone~
I realized that I haven't posted in a while, so...
Hello everyone, I'm trying to get back lol

Phantom July 13th, 2013 2:37 PM

Guys... guuuuuys...

I need halp.

Imput.

Celery.

Something.

I had a ****ing revelation at a wrong damn time. And I now want to beat myself over the head with a fish because dammit I'm an idiot.

A BIG ****ING FISH. LIKE A TUNA OR SOMETHING, or maybe a whale shark, because **** it's a whale and a shark.

You know, I thought I had myself pretty locked down. I knew who I was, and I wasn't going to let others change that.

I'm twitchy again, I should stop that.

Bisexuality, it's... a thing. Was my thing. I was bi, happy to be so, because that was me. I've dated guys and gals, hell was engaged to a guy for a little while before things fell apart for us.

In fact, I'm dating a guy now. He think's it's a relationship, and yet here I am in the corner screaming asking myself what in the sam diddly hell I was thinking. Just... NOPENOPENOPE.

I now realize how freaking gay I am.

As in. All gay.

I don't even know what I'm asking for. I don't even know what I'm really saying. I feel a mix of happy with extreme confusion.

Hello my name is Phantom, and I'm lesbian. Or at least I'm pretty damn sure. Like, 98.786972% sure.

Yeah, I'm sure. I'm just really hyper and confused.

I don't even know what I'm doing. Though I think it's safe to say I'll be breaking up with him.

Kanzler July 13th, 2013 3:42 PM

Are you sure that it's because he's a dude, and not just because the two of you don't get along well? I don't want to sound like I'm suspicious of your intentions or anything - it's just that you say you're sure and you're confused, and I don't know what to make of that.

Phantom July 13th, 2013 4:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Insomniac (Post 7736130)
I think it's a good thing you're figuring out who you are. I feel bad for the dude though.

Being unsure is uncomfortable. Speaking of that, I was 100% sure I was lesbian a couple months ago and now I'm questioning whether or not I'm trans. :\

I don't think I am though.

I guess you can join the lesbian club then? :p

We have been dating a total of two weeks, actually been on four/five dates. I feel bad for him too. I feel bad for doing this, I mean in his shoes I'd be upset, but maybe I should think about myself for once.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7736148)
Are you sure that it's because he's a dude, and not just because the two of you don't get along well? I don't want to sound like I'm suspicious of your intentions or anything - it's just that you say you're sure and you're confused, and I don't know what to make of that.

It's not him. He's actually a sweet guy.

I just don't want that life. I see myself happiest with another woman. I think the confusion was how random as **** this revelation appeared. Just this morning my first thought was, "Yup, I'm pretty damn gay."

In all seriousness, I've been in my head all day, thinking. (I was a bit jumpy before) I just looked back at all my relationships that ever meant something. I was always happiest when I was dating another woman. With men I always felt uncomfortable somehow, like I had to fill a role that just wasn't... me. I've always said that I date women completely different than I date men. But the thing is, how I act, who I am is more natural when I am with a woman I care about.

SchwarzRozen July 13th, 2013 5:54 PM

All I have to say be yourself, and be who makes you happy; don't let the labels define you! 0u0
Good luck on your exploration now~

Rai July 13th, 2013 9:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 (Post 7736183)
I was always happiest when I was dating another woman. With men I always felt uncomfortable somehow, like I had to fill a role that just wasn't... me. I've always said that I date women completely different than I date men. But the thing is, how I act, who I am is more natural when I am with a woman I care about.

That is exactly how I feel. I feel happy and comfortable with women. It feels natural and it feels right. When I think of myself with a guy, it just doesn't compute in my head. I can be friends with guys, but there isn't the same kind of connection I feel with women. With women, I feel a deep, emotional connection. With guys, it is just kind of whatever. I could never date one because they don't make me feel the same way girls do. I feel so comfortable when I am with my girlfriend. It feels so natural and I know that I want to be with women the rest of my life, particularly her.

Moist July 14th, 2013 1:25 AM

I CAME OUT TO ANOTHER PERSON TODAY :D

Me: I updated my fb (facebook)
*She looks at my facebook*
Her: Err is there something wrong with your fb? It says you're attracted to men (GAY)
Me: I know :3
Her: Soo your attracted to X (My (male) friend)
Me: NO XD
Her: Y, Z (Both (male) friends)
Me: NO
Her: I don't know if I should believe you
Me: It wasn't obvious? :P

SchwarzRozen July 14th, 2013 2:36 AM

I love the assumption that people who have preferences outside of the opposite sex that there is an assumption that they like everyone of the other sex, or they "put out" for everyone of that other sex. Its even worse for pans and bisexual people where their are assumptions that they love everyone and will do anyone. u,u

Esper July 14th, 2013 9:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchwarzRozen (Post 7736781)
I love the assumption that people who have preferences outside of the opposite sex that there is an assumption that they like everyone of the other sex, or they "put out" for everyone of that other sex. Its even worse for pans and bisexual people where their are assumptions that they love everyone and will do anyone. u,u

While that's true, and dumb, I think part of it is that people really like to know who's attracted to who. People like to gossip and play matchmaker so they wanna know who could be attracted to whom at any moment.

Moist July 14th, 2013 9:51 PM

Today at school the friend who I came out to yesterday came out to me as Bisexual!

She likes pokemon as well... I have an ingenious idea >:)

New Eden July 15th, 2013 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Insomniac (Post 7738040)
But yes, the stereotype of bi and pans trying to **** everyone they meet needs to stop. It's inappropriate. Only some idiots actually do that

I.e. my cousin. Occasionally he just slips into convo "so uh.... have you gotten laid yet?" It's quite annoying really.

Also this is Aeon. I have switched to a different account in order to accomodate my slowly impending changes to my life (pretty much starting fresh for the most part.)

Inkblots July 15th, 2013 5:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Insomniac (Post 7738368)
Oh I was wondering who you were. :p

Speaking of that, I hate it when my mom or grandmother asks, "So who do you like?". It makes me so uncomfortable and I usually have to lie..

I know exactly how you feel.

Every time I go to a get together with my mom's family (a huge farming family, and most of my aunts and uncles, and a fair number of my cousins, who are all at least 15 years older than me, got married quite young), I get asked (mostly by my uncles) why I didn't bring my boyfriend.

So of course I say "because I don't have one."

And nobody ever believes me. They all just think I'm embarrassed. And I doubt me coming out as ace will change any of that, at least with my extended family.

It's starting to get weird with my sister too. She's six years younger than me, so it wasn't until a couple years ago that we really started getting along and actually being able to have real conversations. But now she's gotten to that stage in life where when she says a guy is "cute" she means it in, well... a totally different way than I do, haha. I've been trying to slowly work my way into telling her I'm ace, just by being careful about how I phrase things, and mentioning things like how I don't find certain ("conventionally attractive") actors attractive, but I do like the way certain actors look not because I find them attractive but because they have an interesting face.

I'll get there eventually I guess.

I'll probably just blurt it out one day without meaning to. That's the way these things usually happen with me, haha XD

U.Flame July 16th, 2013 1:59 AM

Sorry for throwing in an unrelated topic, but I've been rather confused lately. Exactly what status is the U.S. in regarding same-sex marriage? The conflict has been turbulent lately, I can't keep up. >.<

New Eden July 16th, 2013 8:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U_Flame (Post 7739090)
Sorry for throwing in an unrelated topic, but I've been rather confused lately. Exactly what status is the U.S. in regarding same-sex marriage? The conflict has been turbulent lately, I can't keep up. >.<

At least for now it is up to the States. The striking down of DOMA though has made it so couples can receive federal benefits, which DOMA would not allow, instead of just State benefits. Most States still don't recognize same-sex marriage, but acceptance has been picking up more momentum than before.

Cus I hate double-posting, I told my best friend I was trans* a week or so ago. His reaction was just as positive as my mom's if not more so.

Esper July 18th, 2013 11:03 AM

Can I just say how much I like the term "ace?"

And congrats, Aeon/TéaQQ! You've got a good friend there.

And the whole status thing in the US is that the overarching federal level of the government is okay with same-sex marriage. So things that typically involve the federal government (like the military, federal taxes, immigration, etc.) are all going to be okay if you're legally married. Only trouble is that you can only be married in a minority of states. So, like, if you lived in New York, and wanted to marry someone from New Zealand and bring them over to the US you could do like that any straight married couple. There's only a weird grey area if you then decided to move states to one where they don't allow same-sex marriage. No one is sure what would happen then since you were legally married in one state, but are now living in another. States traditionally have recognized marriages from other states, but who knows if that's how this will play out.

Alice July 18th, 2013 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7742380)
There's only a weird grey area if you then decided to move states to one where they don't allow same-sex marriage. No one is sure what would happen then since you were legally married in one state, but are now living in another. States traditionally have recognized marriages from other states, but who knows if that's how this will play out.

It depends on the state's laws. Some would recognize a marriage from another state, and some wouldn't. I don't remember which state it was, but one recently changed its laws to not recognize any marriages from other states in response to it becoming federally legal.

Shining Raichu July 20th, 2013 8:05 AM

I wouldn't worry so much about the US right now and start looking toward other countries. England is the latest domino to fall, not far behind France. The gays are taking over Europe!

SchwarzRozen July 21st, 2013 8:21 AM

Europe looks more appealing each and every day. You have epic castles and history, cute boy bands that actually produce good music, tons of crazy other awesome music, they got better tea than we do, and now that sassy french gay guy can get married.

Europe, at least western Europe is a place I want to visit so much

Sadly Russia-Europe and Greece, as well as a lot of eastern countrys all have bad stuff. It is illegal to be openly gay in russia, and if your trans in greece then you are going to be put into a gehtoo similar to what Germany did in WWII

Go western Europe! Please fix eastern erupoe 0u0'

Esper July 21st, 2013 8:18 PM

So I just attended my first gay wedding. Sort of.

A sort of friend from several years ago got married a few years ago, but not where it was legal, and she just moved back to California earlier this year, and since it's legal now in California they're now legally married. They had an impromptu party a few hours from where I am and it seemed like a good idea so I went. It was nice. Nothing that looked like a wedding, just people hanging around and eating barbecue.

Kanzler July 21st, 2013 10:21 PM

Out of curiosity, was it a barbeque or was it a grill? Slow-cooked low heat or fast-cooked high heat? :P I just learned this the other day, Canadians get it wrong all the time. Sorry I'm excited at applying newly-learned knowledge XD

Esper July 22nd, 2013 10:43 AM

I don't really know much about barbecue. All the food was vegan and gluten-free (lots of veggies and fruits on skewers) because one of them is vegetarian (and knows some vegans) and the other is gluten intolerant. That might determine how you should cook it. I dunno. I'm a terrible cook myself.

Oh, and um, here's a RAINBOW to make sure my post is still on topic.

Kano Shuuya July 22nd, 2013 11:53 AM

I'd like to attend a gay wedding, unfortunately this is Kansas, and it's not legal here. Which is ironic considering that everyone that I know (mostly) fits into one LGBT category or another. Even if we held a celebration, Westboro would probably show up, like they do to everything else around here. I hate it.

Sanguine July 22nd, 2013 12:35 PM

I've attended a gay wedding, and it was quite fun! They tried more to have fun than make things too serious.

The food was pretty all over the place though, and I ended up with toast points (which I didn't know were a thing) and oysters, which are disgusting ;~;

Shining Raichu July 23rd, 2013 6:18 AM

I've always wondered what they say at the end of a gay wedding...

"I now pronounce you.... men"

Kiriyuuki Kasuna July 23rd, 2013 9:51 AM

I've always wondered that too....

Also, I've yet to attend a gay wedding, I would like to see how it is and all--men don't throw those flowers in a bunch right? :s

Esper July 23rd, 2013 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7749028)
I've always wondered what they say at the end of a gay wedding...

"I now pronounce you.... men"

"I now pronounce you married."

Which, really, is how it should be for everyone, amirite? Your gender doesn't matter. Your love does.

Songbird July 23rd, 2013 1:59 PM

  • "I now pronounce you husbands."
  • "I now pronounce you wives."
  • "I now pronounce you human beings in a federally-recognized life partnership, in which you are eligible to receive benefits based on your relationship with each other."

Rai July 27th, 2013 3:18 PM

Maybe something as simple as "I now pronounce you married"? Idk. I never really thought about it before, but now I am wondering what exactly they would say.

I was wondering if anyone here as heard Same Love by Macklemore? It is an amazing song about gay rights and it is all over the radio! The song apparently just went platinum. I think it is great that a song that would have been controversial not too long ago is now a hit. It shows how far we've come. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen to it.

Kanzler July 27th, 2013 10:26 PM

Yes. I went to the youtubes thanks to you, and wooooow. It was absolutely amazing!! Macklemore is an absolute wordsmith and it was awesome hearing him express his message ... probably much much better than any of us here XD.

Esper July 28th, 2013 8:03 AM

My friend told me about this song. It's good. I'm not much of a rap fan, but I liked it. Interesting that it's a white rapper though. I'm guessing there's too much stigma for a lot of black rappers to do something similar. Maybe that's already happened though, I wouldn't know.

Kanzler July 28th, 2013 10:05 AM

I haven't heard a lot of his music, but from what I've seen, he hits hard at the non-mainstream side of things, so that just where he's coming from. There are black rappers that get at the non-mainstream topics/attitudes as well. I don't feel that there's any real stigma for black rappers. If they want to be mainstream, sure - but that's the same for fitting into any group, you have to go with the flow.

Phantom July 29th, 2013 12:08 AM

Have you guys heard "All-American Boy" yet? It's an openly gay song about a guy having a crush on another guy.

Lyrics for those that don't want to watch the vid, which you should do...:

Spoiler:

Ripped jeans, only drinks whiskey,
I find him by the fire while his girl was getting frisky.
Oh, I say we go this road tonight

He smiles, his arms around her,
But his eyes are holding me, just a captive to his wonder.
Oh, I say we go this road tonight

Now I know that that's your girl, I mean no disrespect,
The way that shirt hugs your chest boy, I just won't forget.
I'll be sittin here, drinking my whiskey.
I won't say goodnight unless I think ya might miss me.

Be my all-american boy tonight,
Where everyday's the Fourth of july,
And it's alright, alright.
And we can keep this up till the morning light.
And you can hold me deep in your eyes.
And it's alright, alright.
Be my, be my,
My All-American boy.

Ripped jeans, tight shirt,
He lights a cigarette, you know I'm glad that she can't stand it.
Oh, I drink the moonlight from his eyes

Now hold there, just a moment,
I want to take this in now, we don't need no photo of it, no.
We should go this road tonight.

Now I know that that's your girl, and I don't give a damn.
She's been cussin' and cryin', she don't know what she has.
So I'll be sittin here, tryin' hold down my whiskey,
You tell your girl good night cause somebody'd like to kiss me, ohh.

Be my all-american boy tonight.
Where everyday's the Fourth of july.
And it's alright, alright.
And we can keep this up till the morning light.
And you can hold me deep in your eyes.
And it's alright, alright.
Be my, be my,
My All-American boy.

Of all the girls and boys to look my way,
Ain't no body ever hit me this way.
So won't you come back with me,
And lay with me a while.

I'm gonna wrestle you out of them clothes,
Leave that beautiful body exposed,
And you can have my heart and my soul and my body...

Just be mine.

Be my All-American boy tonight.
Baby you light my fire!
I'll make you feel alright, alright!

And we can keep this up till the morning light.
And you can hold me deep in your eyes.
And it's alright, alright!
Be my, be my
Just, be my, be my
My all-american boy


The video's pretty beautiful, and so is the the singer/writer's story. I suggest you look him up.

Kanzler July 29th, 2013 12:19 AM

It made me feel a bit queasy haha. It's unbearably sappy and we all knew it wouldn't end well X'D Also, incredible amounts of abs.

MOAR MUSIC!

Moist July 29th, 2013 12:31 AM

Out to 4 people (was 2 before today) :DDDDD

New Eden July 29th, 2013 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreatTornado (Post 7757655)
Out to 4 people (was 2 before today) :DDDDD

*High-fives*

Reminds me that I might be next in line soon enough. I could anticipate to begin transition in a matter of two months the way things are going. My boss is a very mellow dude, but it should be an interesting (and awkward) situation either way.

Phantom July 29th, 2013 2:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7757638)
It made me feel a bit queasy haha. It's unbearably sappy and we all knew it wouldn't end well X'D Also, incredible amounts of abs.

Well, he's not a signed singer. He maxed out his credit card and made it on his own. It's gonna be a bit cheap-ish, but it's pretty good considering.

Nine Inch Nails July 29th, 2013 5:31 AM

Might as well post in this thread to tie any loose ends that may have been caused by my vehement protectiveness over such an issue... oh, and sorry for throwing this off-topic. Apologies.

I am a double package. My sexual orientation is bisexual and I'm transgender: I'm biologically male (*shakes fist*) but identify as female, and I have felt this way for over five years (and looking back, I was exhibiting signs of some sort of 'deviation' from extreme youth). I started screaming to the world that I was a girl when I was around 10 years old, and I received overwhelmingly negative reception from my parents (who cited 'puberty blues' or whatever) and from my academic peers (who considered me a complete freak). I was deeply hurt by this reaction and locked myself back in the closet at the end of the year and just hoped everything would die down and everybody would forget about it. To my happiness (and surprise), nobody seemed to remember the next year; my peers forgot all about it and my parents never mentioned it again. Of course, inwardly, I perceived myself as female more strongly than I ever had before.

In Year 7 (when I was around 12 years old), I attempted to come out again, this time to my parents. Unfortunately, a note addressed to my mother was intercepted by my father and I was taken to his office where I was calmly and coolly (but firmly) told off about 'scaring' and 'upsetting' my family's balance with such 'rubbish' and that it was all 'part of a phase'. Clearly, my father had forgotten about my vehement assertions a few years back, but I resolved to just throw myself as far into the closet as possible; I was still scarred from Year 5 and I did not want the same -- or a worse -- reaction from my parents and peers who wouldn't have known me from Adam. I feel I did a good job of covering up my inward identification as the opposite gender (I still identified as female, of course), but for a multitude of other reasons I was unable to fit in this school (which, I should mention, was an Anglican single-sex school) so I decided to transfer... to a Roman Catholic single-sex school.

In Year 8, I decided that to start afresh, I would attempt to close off everything relevant to my transsexualism. It was extremely painful to do so, and I spiralled deeper down a masculine pattern of behaviour purely to appease other students which disgusted me whenever I thought back on what I had done during the day. In September 2012, I woke up to myself and realised that what I was doing was in no way true to myself and was instead a complete perversion of what I had been attempting to do for myself all those years before. I reneged on all behavioural changes I had made, as they were in no way reflections of who I truly was, and I resumed openly inwardly identifying as female (not that the feeling had ever fully gone away) and behaving in the effeminate manner that I had been doing for so many years beforehand.

In February 2013, with the encouragement of certain Internet figureheads, I began identifying as female on the Internet (I had never done this before: I was worried about legal issues that would confront me if I identified as female on the Internet but with the help of this figurehead I put these beliefs to bed) and now identify as female everywhere I feasibly can. I attempted to come out earlier this year by writing a heartfelt, emotional and angry 600-word letter to my parents which was intercepted by my mother and quickly put to rest in an effort to quell any 'resurgences' of previous trends, so at least somebody in my family remembers things. However, I have a plan up my sleeve.

In order to iron out issues with socialising that I have in real life (I suffer from Asperger's Syndrome which, naturally, greatly impedes my ability to engage in and begin conversations) I am attempting to organise sessions with a counsellor. Through this counsellor, I intend to finally put to rest the constant issues I have had in real life and come out in a completely different manner: I intend to spill out everything I have said here and more to this counsellor and finally have the satisfaction of having come out to somebody who will not scathingly judge me in real life. I am very close to getting these sessions with this counsellor, and I am absolutely ecstatic to quell my demons and come out to somebody; anybody. Of course, as a consequence of this, my parents will be told too -- by the counsellor -- and I will already have somebody backing me prior to finally attempting to reason with my parents who have rejected my pleas so many times before.

YourNobody July 29th, 2013 1:54 PM

Oh, I didn't know there was a club like this. It's also good to know that I'm not the only trans person here--I was a bit scared of that. I actually joined this forum a long time ago, but I never posted that much. I have made some attempts now and then to return, but never for very long. Honestly, I wasn't much into Pokemon anymore during those times, so that probably contributed to my leaving. For whatever reason, I've recently gotten into Pokemon again. Specifically, nuzlocke challenges.

Anyway, I was born with a male body. I never identified as male, though. I grew up not understanding how I could feel one way on the inside and have the opposite body. I thought there was something wrong with me for many years. Keep in mind that I come from a tiny town in central Minnesota and my family is catholic. I was sheltered. I didn't even know what that being transgender was a thing until I was 15. I tried to be a guy off and on as I grew up. Even after breaking down and crying about being a girl a number of times.

Then hormones kicked in and made everything about a thousand times worse. I found that my body was changing in ways I hated. On top of that, I realized that I liked girls. Now, this is where I lose a lot of people, so I'm going to try to explain this the best that I can. By the time I realized that I liked girls, I had accepted in my heart that I was a girl and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried and failed to be a guy. The fact that I had to try at all was a red flag. I could accept being a girl, despite it all, but being gay? Being gay and trans felt like it was too much. I couldn't handle it.

I struggled with coming out as trans until I was 26 when I finally did it. I also struggled with being a lesbian for just as long. Still, I came out as a lesbian the same time as coming out as trans. Even now, I have issues with being gay. I can't find myself being proud of being trans or gay. It's just been a hard time. For some people I tell this to, they don't understand how it could be hard for me to accept that I like girls. I was born male, right? That makes it easy. No. No, it doesn't. We're not even talking about my internal conflicts with being gay. Hell, I've had friends accept I was trans, but then stop talking to me when I told them I was a lesbian. My mother also thinks that my homosexuality is a phase. One day I'll wake up and realize I liked men all along. Yeah, right.

I've had my share of relationships with men. I am panromantic, so I almost like them, but without that sexual spark, it can be hard. It's not impossible, mind you, but it's hard. I've had guys dump me when it finally started to sink in that I didn't want to have sex with them. Or they get paranoid about me cheating on them with a woman, which is silly because women don't show any interest in me. Just guys. Frustrating.

Kano Shuuya July 29th, 2013 2:21 PM

^ I would say "you lost me", but I actually related to a lot of that. So like, I know almost exactly where you're coming from. I'm agender, but I've always leaned towards male, and I'm also bi, sooo regardless of what gender I hook up with, it feels kind of gay. Being trans and being bi / gay is an odd combination, and it just a really extreme set of issues to grow up with. So it's no wonder that it takes so many trans people years to deal with / come to terms with situations like that.

As far as parents going "You're straight, and you'll realize it when you're older", that pisses me off. It's like, when you're 12 and you say you're gay, that's been known to change, or you figure out that you're bi eventually (not always). Young kids go through a lot of changes. Though, when you're nearly an adult and being told that, it's just insulting.

Psycho Yuffie July 29th, 2013 4:29 PM

Because I was told the admins can't change usernames, I made a new account. I am YourNobody. Just an FYI.

Phantom July 29th, 2013 10:54 PM

Still working on the whole meeting people thing.

I've been talking to new people, so at least I'm trying and not being a complete hermit.

blaziken25 July 30th, 2013 1:42 AM

Can I join? (I dont know how to join)

Overlord Drakow July 30th, 2013 2:46 AM

@blaziken: Of course you can, though technically it is not my place to say. Consider yourself a member henceforth :p

------

I've been thinking about this for a while now, on and off and I wasn't really intending on publicizing my thoughts but recently I changed my mind and I will expose a bit of my madness to you guys today. Also note that this is a hypothesis driven off my own perceptions of the world and that there isn't much hard coded facts in it, I just want to see what opinions other people have and such. Alright, here goes.

I believe that usually it is the female in a relationship who desires to have a baby more than the man. To the point where I consider the possibility of some sort of inherent genetic thought process that runs through females to have offspring in order for humanity to continue on. In the current day, this world is quite overpopulated and I ponder whether the above occurs less frequently in women now. I haven't looked at any information regarding birth rate trends or anything to that effect.

Also I wonder if the rise in global population could have something to do with the increase of the amount of people who are not born 'straight' as nature's way of trying to bring balance back to this world. Somewhat like how some chemical reactions reach and maintain a dynamic equilibrium such that any change imposed on the reaction will eventually revert back to the equilibrium state. Over time there seems to be an increase in the amount of non 'straight' people born into this world but is this just because back then people were far more afraid of 'coming out' than they are now or is it due to my explanation above or a combination of both? I'm finding it a bit difficult to put it all into words but I'll try summarize my two fold hypothesis now.

Due to the consistent increase in world population over time;

1) Nature (or some sort of unknown force or genetic change in thought process / something) is partially responsible for causing a decrease in annual births per year, thereby lowering the global population and attempt to bring more balance to this world.

2) Nature (or some sort of unknown force or genetic change in thought process / something) is partially responsible for causing an increase in non 'straight' people being born into this world as a means to lower the global population and attempt to bring more balance to this world.

1) could pretty easily be disproved by a graph that shows an increase of annual births over a recent span of time. 2) is harder to disprove I think. I apologize if anyone takes any offense to any part of my hypothesis. It is not my intention to hurt or upset anyone (for once!)

Just some food for thought.

Mana July 30th, 2013 2:54 AM

It's an interesting thought Drakow, one that many laugh and joke about, how there is one huge flaw.

Your hypothesis suggests that 'nature' has some kind of consciousness or is able to influence genetics as a whole - when everyone's genetic data is, basically, isolated from the world. Essentially the only way that 'nature' could be the cause would work is with a designer controlling it.

I believe, a more likely explanation to the 'boom' in non-cis-heterosexual-etc.s is two fold.

1. It is more socially acceptable to be out, therefore more are known.
2. There are more people in the world, so the minority (I believe homosexuals are predicted at 7%?) is more noticable. That 7% is now millions of people, and we are connected via the internet and social media, making our presence more known.

As far as I'm concerned homosexuality has always existed, whether openly or behind the curtains. I don't believe there are more homosexuals now, just more people who don't 'turn straight' to please society.

Shining Raichu July 30th, 2013 5:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign
2. There are more people in the world, so the minority (I believe homosexuals are predicted at 7%?) is more noticable. That 7% is now millions of people, and we are connected via the internet and social media, making our presence more known.

I don't think this is valid. The fact that 7% is now millions doesn't make it any more noticeable, because it's still 7%. The same proportion of a larger crowd is no more or less noticeable than that of a smaller crowd. The only way it would become more noticeable is if the proportion itself were to change.

Drakow, your thoughts are very interesting indeed! It brings about the interesting question about whether nature does have a consciousness. I'm no scientist, but what with brainwaves shooting all over the place and molecules and such, who knows what could be going on behind the scenes?

Also welcome blaziken25 and Psycho, I'll add you to the club list when you start posting in your new account. I'll keep an eye out for it :)

Mana July 30th, 2013 5:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7759455)
I don't think this is valid. The fact that 7% is now millions doesn't make it any more noticeable, because it's still 7%. The same proportion of a larger crowd is no more or less noticeable than that of a smaller crowd. The only way it would become more noticeable is if the proportion itself were to change.

It does, scientifically speaking, make something more noticable. Especially considering we can connect together via social media, making minority groups more interconnected and accessible.

Example:

When a small town (UK) these days has around 500 adults, using the 7% rule 35 people deviate from heterosexual. That is approaching a strong number, it means there is a strengthened possibility of you meeting another homosexual, or having friends. Even if some of these people are in the closet, there are still people you might find.

If we go back to when villagers were less than 100 people, there were 7. Now, once you filter in whatever the percentage of 'closeted' people in, there are even less. There are less opportunities to meet a gay person, even if the percentage is the same.

A further example - are you more likely to notice gay people in a village or a city? A city has a larger population, and the majority of western-cities now have some kind of gay scene caused by the congregation of people, making them far more noticeable. Again, proving the point.

Psycho Yuffie July 30th, 2013 7:24 AM

I just think that most people aren't born strictly heterosexual. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, even if it's in the middle with a strong favor toward the opposite sex. As people are allowed to explore their sexual desires, more are realizing they're not completely straight. Myself, I'm not completely gay. I do find the rare guy attractive. I'm either a Kinsey 5 or 4--depends on the day.

Songbird July 30th, 2013 9:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drakow (Post 7759324)
..this world is quite overpopulated...

This is where I stopped at first, because... it's not. Spatially, the entire living human population can be fit into Texas.

It's a matter of insufficient resources, not a matter of the actual population.

Psycho Yuffie July 30th, 2013 9:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Songbird (Post 7759723)
This is where I stopped at first, because... it's not. Spatially, the entire living human population can be fit into Texas.

It's a matter of insufficient resources, not a matter of the actual population.

To be more specific, 7 billion people could live in Texas with the same population density as New York City.

Also, Songbird, your signature is adorable. :3

Kanzler July 30th, 2013 10:13 AM

@ Swiftsign: mmmm! I love your defense of your idea and it's really convincing! It is very plausible that you need a critical mass of people for those in-group channels of communication to flare up.

@ Psycho Yuffie: I'm of the opposing opinion that people are born with a certain plausible range of sexual identity - some narrow and some wider, some on different points in the spectrum - but I don't think most people fall in the middle. I'm not very attracted to the idea of middleness because it opens the slippery slope that sexual identity is mostly influenced by society and leads to, yunno, bad stuff.

Inkblots July 31st, 2013 6:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Songbird (Post 7759723)
This is where I stopped at first, because... it's not. Spatially, the entire living human population can be fit into Texas.

It's a matter of insufficient resources, not a matter of the actual population.

Except that overpopulation and insufficient resources are essentially the same thing, are they not? If there are no longer enough resources to support a population - even if that population can fit comfortably in the area that they're in - then that area has become overpopulated, and the lack of resources is because of overpopulation. It goes for us as well, when looking at the world as a whole - even though spatially we can all fit quite comfortably, our population will eventually grow beyond the world's ability to support it. The insufficient resources are because of overpopulation. Insufficient resources doesn't just happen without a cause of some sort (whether overpopulation, natural disaster, disease, or the introduction of a new invasive species).

Esper July 31st, 2013 8:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7759819)
@ Psycho Yuffie: I'm of the opposing opinion that people are born with a certain plausible range of sexual identity - some narrow and some wider, some on different points in the spectrum - but I don't think most people fall in the middle. I'm not very attracted to the idea of middleness because it opens the slippery slope that sexual identity is mostly influenced by society and leads to, yunno, bad stuff.

I dunno. I think that a lot of people have a wider range of sexual identities than they may think they have, and that society can and does influence people's sexuality in the sense that a lot of people are pushed by society to the far corners of the sexual spectrum where they identify as straight or gay, but nothing in the middle.

I mean, when you look at it, we have so many examples of excuses we come up with to reinforce the idea that sexuality is consistent throughout one's life. We says it's okay during puberty to be attracted to someone of the same sex "even if you're not gay." While it's good that we aren't judging people for that, we for some reason dismiss that attraction as being "not real" or some confusion of hormones. I don't understand why we can't just accept that as a valid part of someone's sexuality. Well, I can understand to some extent. We're afraid (justifiably) of the accusation that sexuality can change because, although there is nothing wrong with that idea, it will embolden people who think it's wrong to be gay or bi or asexual or anything not heterosexual. We can all imagine what those people would do with that kind of message.

Personally, I think it's okay to say "I was born gay and I won't change" but it's better to say "It doesn't matter if you choose to be gay or not. There's nothing wrong with being gay." (Or replace "gay" with whatever identity you'd like.)

I'm not saying that everyone has made a conscious decision. I just think that one's sexuality should be no one's business but one's own and whoever you choose to share it with.

Hann August 1st, 2013 2:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drakow (Post 7759324)
2) Nature (or some sort of unknown force or genetic change in thought process / something) is partially responsible for causing an increase in non 'straight' people being born into this world as a means to lower the global population and attempt to bring more balance to this world.

I don't think increasing the number of non 'straight' people would necessarily lower the global population. Same-sex couples have been known to have children. Wanting to have children is basically your own choice. Whether you want children or not has little or nothing to do with who you're attracted to (at least, that's my opinion). There are straight couples who have children and non 'straight' couples that have children. The same is true for not having children. Of course, I have to admit non 'straight' couples might have more difficulties having children than straight couples, but it's not impossible. (Sorry for the rant here, but this is like my weak spot and I can't seem to help myself. Part of it is because my dad (and some other members of my family) believe that gay couples who have children (or bisexual people) are not really gay (or indecisive). It's not like they're saying it all the time, but they said it once and that's enough to make me think about it over and over and over and over. It actually stops me from really coming out to my parents because I'm not 100% sure of who I am (I know it's impossible, but to me it's the only thing I want to be really sure of) and they might not take me seriously when I suddenly realize I'm not really who I thought I was).
What nature could 'do' is create something that affects our reproducing system so that there is less chance becoming pregnant. (But instead of nature doing that, we have nature creating diseases to try and lessen the global population)

Inkblots August 1st, 2013 7:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7761087)
I dunno. I think that a lot of people have a wider range of sexual identities than they may think they have, and that society can and does influence people's sexuality in the sense that a lot of people are pushed by society to the far corners of the sexual spectrum where they identify as straight or gay, but nothing in the middle.

I can most certainly vouch for this. Although I was never attracted to anyone, I always assumed I was straight because I found men more aesthetically pleasing than women, and had more "squishes" (an intense desire to be close friends with/in a platonic relationship with another person, rather than a romantic relationship) on men than women.

But once I realized I was ace, I started to question why that is, and started examining my true feelings on the subject. I found that, at the very least, I was paying less attention to women because I had been told all my life I need to find a men, and therefore, paid significantly more attention to men. Possibly I was even suppressing some of the feelings I had about women, again, because (I believe) I kept getting that message over and over again, and with the lack of attraction to ANYONE well... I guess I just subconsciously chose the "default" option. Now I've found that I have nearly the same number of squishes on women as men, and even though there are still more men that I find aesthetically pleasing than women, that number is slowly evening out as I continue to try and let myself actually take notice of the way women look and allow myself to feel what I'm actually feeling.

New Eden August 1st, 2013 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7761087)
I dunno. I think that a lot of people have a wider range of sexual identities than they may think they have, and that society can and does influence people's sexuality in the sense that a lot of people are pushed by society to the far corners of the sexual spectrum where they identify as straight or gay, but nothing in the middle.

Yeah, when I was younger I thought that sexuality was basically black and white...until I was 14 and began learning slowly the big list of orientations/identities that are about.

That reminds me...I noticed that some newer folk (welcome by the way) have posted their stories about being trans, and that, I've only been slightly out since May, I never explained it to anyone other than my therapist. I just need to get this off my chest somewhere because jeez, it's kinda killing me otherwise.

I guess I can track it down to where I was about eleven. I always felt like a girl when I was a kid, but at the same time I was pretty confused about it because I felt pretty conflicted. Play groups outside of family were basically androgynous all the way so it didn't hit me as hard as others (I grew up in a family where there were no women born for seventeen years) so everyone was basically treated the same. Inside though I wanted to express my feelings to others, but I was somewhat popular (due to my brother), and had a generous amount of friends that would had not wanted to hear it at all. I considered myself a girl at home, but only when I was alone and behaved like getting caught would be the absolute death of me...big mistake.


In came middle school (K-12 alt school, years were broken up from Pre, K, 1-2, 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) where everything became separated as if everything was black and white, and I was not quite pleased with what hormones were doing with me at all. I was then given an indirect choice: stay with the peers I have for the past few years under a mask that is becoming very bothersome, or tell everyone and potentially need to leave the school behind...again, a mistake, I chose neither and became reclusive and depressed while telling no one. I stayed locked up even to my own family and only kept my best friend (who is with me to this day.) I was sometimes worried that some people would know something is wrong, but I stayed shut anyway. I transformed it into very bitter denial, quickly turning into a misanthropic and angry personality.


It stayed away until I was fourteen and starting high school in a different city. Not too long into the year I realised that I was indeed Pansexual, and did not want to take it lightly. For the trans of me though, I kept having visions of me biologically as a girl and...actually being happy. I tried to shove down like I had for two years, but it became difficult, so I substituted the bitterness with keeping myself entertained in order to keep it off my mind and stay in the closet. Again, big mistake. It worked, but with the price of...my grades making it so it'd be impossible for me to get accepted to a four year college, reclusive behaviour that was worse than before, and feeling like things were just going south. When I was about seventeen and a half I finally became warm to the idea of being pan and embraced it with open arms (being trans though, nononononono.)


Due to work being a huge distraction it wasn't on my mind at all, so I thought of it hardly ever. August of 2012 though my grandmother passed and it put me through quite the depression phase. Much like keeping my thoughts away from being trans, I attempted to bury it in thoughts so it wouldn't be a big deal and then...it happened. I suddenly could not keep being a girl out of my head anymore. It was the only thing I could think of, and it was coming at me like a freight train. The last thing I wanted to do though was admit it, and I came out...halfway. I acknowledged and accepted that I was not cisgender, but refused to put it to rest. I substituted for other gender identities instead...another big mistake. It made everything ten times worse than it was before, causing me to start hitting myself. While causing only minor headaches, it made me feel like I was about to lose my mind and make me do worse things. This continued until about early May this year where I finally became comfortable about being MtF. Which soon after led to this. Since then, and therapy I've been feeling better, and hope to be living the life I always should had very soon.

Moist August 2nd, 2013 1:06 AM

Well my first time of being outed, I guess it had to happen...

To copy and paste from the empty closets thread:

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can and if you need any further insight into something just let me know.

So today I figured out I was outed. K is my friend that knows I'm gay(Female), H is my friend that I've been outed to(Male).

K and H are currently 'going out' with each other and I guess this is what lead to me being outed. This morning we were mucking around as usual and H said 'CF' which is what set off the alarm bells. 'CF' is the initials of someone I like and he quickly tried to cover it as 'capture the flag without the 't'' but luckily I knew better. I pulled K away and said "Did you tell him?" and she said "Yes" I still can't believe it. I trusted her and she betrayed my trust. I told her this and she got on the defensive. She said that I wouldn't be reacting like this if we were 'true friends' and I said that has nothing to do with it since she betrayed my trust. I haven't talked to H about this yet but I guess I'll have to eventually. It's even worse because I was starting to come out but now I feel like I sprint jumped back into the closet. Now I regret telling her because probably 90% of my coming outs are going to be her fault. It's even worse that I told her to I like and now H knows. I think I might have to lie and say that I don't like CF because I think H is going to go tell my other friends and get both me and CF embarrassed...

Help???

Esper August 2nd, 2013 8:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TéaQQ (Post 7763617)
*snip*

It's always hard coming to terms with things when you feel like you can't talk about them with anyone. We all get worried that people won't accept us and it holds us back from making those connections to good and understanding people who can support us. I'm glad you're feeling better and have the opportunity to talk with a therapist.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreatTornado (Post 7763667)
Well my first time of being outed, I guess it had to happen...

To copy and paste from the empty closets thread:

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can and if you need any further insight into something just let me know.

So today I figured out I was outed. K is my friend that knows I'm gay(Female), H is my friend that I've been outed to(Male).

K and H are currently 'going out' with each other and I guess this is what lead to me being outed. This morning we were mucking around as usual and H said 'CF' which is what set off the alarm bells. 'CF' is the initials of someone I like and he quickly tried to cover it as 'capture the flag without the 't'' but luckily I knew better. I pulled K away and said "Did you tell him?" and she said "Yes" I still can't believe it. I trusted her and she betrayed my trust. I told her this and she got on the defensive. She said that I wouldn't be reacting like this if we were 'true friends' and I said that has nothing to do with it since she betrayed my trust. I haven't talked to H about this yet but I guess I'll have to eventually. It's even worse because I was starting to come out but now I feel like I sprint jumped back into the closet. Now I regret telling her because probably 90% of my coming outs are going to be her fault. It's even worse that I told her to I like and now H knows. I think I might have to lie and say that I don't like CF because I think H is going to go tell my other friends and get both me and CF embarrassed...

Help???

My initial reaction to your story is to think that you shouldn't lie. It's not going to feel good to think that someone else has control over you like that. What I mean is, you can't change what's already happened, so maybe you should embrace it. Be the one who comes out to people instead of letting other people do it for you, possibly under circumstances that you'd rather not see.

Of course, this isn't just coming out, but admitting that you like someone so that complicates things. But, you know, there's nothing to be ashamed of in being gay and liking someone. Maybe you can talk with H and get him to understand that this is your thing to do and that he should be a good friend and let you do that when you're ready.

Shining Raichu August 4th, 2013 6:15 AM

To my mind, if H's initial reaction to you being gay was to subtly tease you about the guy you like rather than 'ew omg he's a ******", then your problem isn't as big as you think it is. K definitely did the wrong thing by telling H, but you know what? This is going to happen. When you're a teenager, you can't afford to tell anybody your juicy secrets, because no matter how much you trust someone, there's one fact you can trust more than any of them:

Teenage girls are gossipy *****es.

Scarf's advice is right, I think. If you're not ready to take the step and come out to everybody, then you should talk to H. Teenage boys aren't quite so bad with secret keeping in my experience. If you make it clear to him that this is terrifying for you and his discretion is really important, hopefully he'll be receptive enough and he might even make K shut her big mouth too.

Let us know how it goes!

Psycho Yuffie August 6th, 2013 10:05 PM

I've perhaps analyzed my sexuality a bit more than the average person--I think most people in the queer community tend to. It's easier to think of sexual orientation as straight, gay, or bisexual, but it's so much more complicated than that. To make it simple, I usually just save people the hassle and say that I'm a lesbian and be done with it. It's quick and easy, but not always completely accurate. It's pretty accurate, but I fall somewhere in the middle, honestly. I lean heavily toward women, but I'm open-minded enough to know when that rare guy catches my eye. I was only saying that I don't think that I'm far from the norm on this. If people are being brutally honest with themselves, they would realize through some introspection that they're not completely what they identify as. That being said, I'm not saying that a straight person should go having sex with a random person of the same sex. Hell, you don't even have to do anything with any small attraction you may have because that's just it: it's small. Not all attractions are created equal. Just because you find that guy down the hall cute, doesn't invalidate your vivid lust for that girl you work with. I guess I don't understand this idea that you can only be one extreme at a time.

Esper August 7th, 2013 11:48 AM

I agree that introspection is good, but I also like and encourage people to read and learn about human sexuality so that you can learn about all kinds of people, about attraction and relationships and how the body works. All that good stuff and more.

Mana August 7th, 2013 2:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Insomniac (Post 7772303)
Can someone explain to me how a polygamist relationship works?

I've always have the opinion of "it doesn't," but that's just my point of view :P I have no idea how people can maintain them and keep themselves and their partner/s happy all at once.

Entermaid August 7th, 2013 3:51 PM

I dumped, who is now, my ex, after he was like, "we should have a three-way relationship with this other guy". Of whom, I had never met. After doing so, he pursued this guy, well, kid, he was a minor! ...and they broke up after a week. They don't work. Much of the time it is indicative that the first coupling, of which branches into a trio+, is the root of the issue. It's like wanting to move on, but at the same time wanting to rekindle or fix a relationship. For me, it's a no can do. However, it may be the case that three people, of whom, didn't have any established pairings prior somehow simultaneously fall in love. I am not sure on this, so I cannot say either way if these are legitimate relationships, or in other words are balanced, stable, and lasting. What I can speak to, is that some of these relationships are founded on failed couplings, but that is not saying much.

I am all sorts of jealous and possessive with that sort of thing, and I prefer a partner that wouldn't even consider a polyamorus relationship to be an option.

The trick is, when trying to figure out what someone wants is to let them tell you first! It's probably the best filtering tool of dating for those who want to be in control of the dating life.

Example, you want to find a connection with someone you could potentially marry and have kids with. This is a very common must have for daters generally. Don't tell your date that before you ask the question. At this point, the date doesn't even know what your preference is, and thus you might be able to get from him or her a more honest answer. Make sure you don't give any hints, or implant some red herrings, until the date has answered the questioned sufficiently. For instance, ask, "so, are ya looking to have a bit of fun and enjoy your youth in this relationship, I mean, if you haven't noticed, there are a lot of different fish in sea; or are you looking for something more along the lines of a conventional commitment, with marriage, the kids, the golden retriever, and that whole thing?" It gives a bit of misleading hint that you might want a short-term relationship, when really you want the latter. If the date chooses the latter, you have a decent perception of what the date actual wants, simply not trying to appease you. I mean, don't use this for every little detail, just the few must-haves, especially the ultimate desired outcome of the relationship. This works for me all of the time, but sadly, it usually affirms incompatibility most of the time.

Anyway, this can save you a lot of time if you, let's say don't want a polyamorous relationship. And that's tonight's tip from the cynical and unseasoned bachelor!

ErikaInRainbowCity August 10th, 2013 10:04 PM

Totally joining! :) My name's Erika (hence the username) and I am a pansexual. I always knew that I was what you would call "gender blind" in that if I know a person well enough I may become attracted to them regardless of their gender or what they identify as.. My attraction is always leaning on personality, if there is a person I don't find myself attracted to at first they may win me over with their personality and who they are as a person.. vice versa, there may be someone I am initially attracted to who turns out to have traits I intensely dislike I will immediately lose all attraction towards them.

Pansexuality has been the term I found most fit me, however I'm still exploring things and I'm not going to be completely stuck with one label.. that's all part of growing up isn't it?

Psycho Yuffie August 11th, 2013 6:58 PM

I haven't actually asked to join yet... May I?

ErikaInRainbowCity August 11th, 2013 8:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Insomniac (Post 7780844)
Welcome to the club Erika :p

Pansexual does seem to be the right term there, but I guess the saying here is who needs labels?

I like to simplify things by calling myself simply lesbian but I do have preferences. I'd rather just be "lesbian" though so yeah.

Thanks for the welcome, it's nice to meetcha! That's true, labels are sometimes unnecessary :)

And yes, following up on what Psycho Yuffie said do we request to join the club or just, post lol?

Entermaid August 11th, 2013 9:34 PM

So, I have a fun little question to ask everyone.

Do any of you have friends that deviate from "straight" that act like it is their duty to remind everyone around him or her of their sexuality?!? (Being a bit flip here, I know!)

This has always been one of my pet peeves. Allowing sexuality to domineer one's life and personality. And no, this is not a jab at outgoing flamboyant gay men who are being themselves, or anything of that sort; it's often assumed that's what I am referencing so I be taking a preemptive strike :p ...Rather, it is when a person has to make a quip or commentary about an unrelated topic and apply to how they are gay, bi, ect. frequently. Or, act super paranoid that everyone is committing a hate crime against him or her ( Some people don't know what a 'hate crime' actually is!) Or have twenty rainbow flags in their room, whether we are talking shirts, hats, or flags. Isn't one or two enough.

I just see LGBT people creating an identity on being a sexual minority, when yeah, it's a part of them, but it is not a substantial quality that should play a heavy hand in manifesting the person that they evolve into as they age.

Along with this topic, I often think of "pride". I don't think that LGBT people should be ashamed nor take pride in being a sexual minority. though, the case can be made for the many hardships they have overcome as opposed to let victimize them. The same should apply to any biological or innate quality; being born with a trait doesn't mean you owe yourself a congratulations. However, how we address our biological traits is a different matter. For a few friends, and MANY acquaintances, there seems to be the notion that dancing topless in booty shorts as they overly sexualize the quality of being a sexual minority, is a good representation of themselves, as well as other sexual minorities that belong to that group.

I would much rather see a pride group that depicted LGBT people as the ordinary people we are. Though, certainly we can stick with 'Pride', a translation of self-acceptance would establish a less defiant and flashy tone, of which conveys counter-culture. In reality, we should be conveying an integration of those who are sexual minorities with the rest of the population. Though LGBT people have not been embraced by the general public up until recently, there needs to be a push away from segregating and alienating the gay community from the rest of the world.

I would love to see a pride parade in which there is dignity as opposed to self-degradation. Everyone wearing clothes, first off! They can still have sparkle or shine, but strutting around in ones underwear is nothing to be proud of, it's like, "hey we are proud that we are sexualized and promiscuous!". Rather, highlight the LGBT parents, whom are always upstaged by the loudest and raunchiest floats. Have LGBT people walking with their own parents. Have newly weds or partners walking hand-in-hand down the street. Feature the many organizations that help with HIV and AIDS treatment and awareness and Homeless LGBT Youth Organizations. Feature politicians and advocates of substantive policies that affects the lives of those who are LGBT. Class-up the drag queens, have them look like a million bucks - not hoochie mama's. Feature transgender people, who have undergone countless therapies and portray them as ordinary people who are trying to feel "normal", rather than make them feel uncomfortable around the sexualize atmosphere.

We should not be proud or highlight the fact that we are attracted to the same sex and that we share our hot bodies with each other. That is essentially all I got out of the one and only pride event I will ever go to. I just felt completely let down, and downright embarrassed by the portrayal. And, this affects how others will judge me; these groups should be more responsible with how they conduct pride events and really analyze how their actions affect LGBT people.

Rant, rant, rant. I know. I usually keep these opinions to myself for obvious reason; I thought that this would be a good group to open this dialogue with. Also, welcome new members :)

Mana August 12th, 2013 4:58 AM

Hi Erika and Yuffie! :) You don't need permission to join, someone will add you to the list as soon as they can but until then just post and chat and tell us about yourselves!

Fenneking, I kind of agree with what you're saying. People at pride often treat it as a party, an excuse to misbehave, and forget that they are (technically) representing a lot of people. Often it is a small segment of gay/bi/whatever people that the general public remember, and sadly some people adhere to stereotypes very well.

As to people who play up their sexuality, it's really a huge annoyance (and definite turn off). I feel that there's a lot of fakery, you only have to look at the gay community and notice 'straight-acting', and I have no doubt there are people who do the complete opposite and act far camper than they actually are.

Idk if it's people liking the attention, but it's not something specific to homo/bisexuals. Straight people constantly re-affirm their sexuality, since a lot still think it is disgusting to be viewed as anything different.

ErikaInRainbowCity August 12th, 2013 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign (Post 7781814)
Hi Erika and Yuffie! :) You don't need permission to join, someone will add you to the list as soon as they can but until then just post and chat and tell us about yourselves!

Fenneking, I kind of agree with what you're saying. People at pride often treat it as a party, an excuse to misbehave, and forget that they are (technically) representing a lot of people. Often it is a small segment of gay/bi/whatever people that the general public remember, and sadly some people adhere to stereotypes very well.

As to people who play up their sexuality, it's really a huge annoyance (and definite turn off). I feel that there's a lot of fakery, you only have to look at the gay community and notice 'straight-acting', and I have no doubt there are people who do the complete opposite and act far camper than they actually are.

Idk if it's people liking the attention, but it's not something specific to homo/bisexuals. Straight people constantly re-affirm their sexuality, since a lot still think it is disgusting to be viewed as anything different.

Ok thanks for clearing that up :)

I completely agree with that statement, I can't tell you the number of nice girls I met who constantly feel the need to reaffirm their sexual orientation by not only stereotyping their own actions but CONSTANLY talking about how attracted they are to women to the point where they're acting like a female version of Charlie Sheen. Which, hey, if you wanna have fun that's great! I'm not that type of person and I won't be considering you for a long-term relationship and it's a huge turn off. It's like they feel the need to advertize their love the same-sex to the point where instead of saying "I think women are attractive." they become really vulgar which I don't think gives the LGBTQ+ community a good name.
I hope I'm not rubbing anybody the wrong way I don't mean to start any arguments this is just my opinion! ^_^

And I tried to be as vague as I could on the sexual attraction thing since I know PC is pretty strict on what you say when you discuss things like that so I hope I didn't break any rules!

Mana August 13th, 2013 11:46 AM

Erika, as long as you stay clear of describing actual sex you'll probably be ok here! :) Discussing attraction/crushes is perfectly fine! ^_^.

Psycho Yuffie August 13th, 2013 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign (Post 7783744)
Erika, as long as you stay clear of describing actual sex you'll probably be ok here! :) Discussing attraction/crushes is perfectly fine! ^_^.

Awesome! Ellen Page is hot.

Mana August 13th, 2013 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psycho Yuffie (Post 7783747)
Awesome! Ellen Page is hot.

She's awesome in X-Men, and Whip It was on TV recently.

There's such a huge variety of films she was in aha. Hard Candy was pretty good, mentally scarring though :P.

I'm sitting here trying to think of current, lesbian actresses and I'm really struggling. Compared to the amount of out, gay actors it's an odd imbalance.

Moist August 13th, 2013 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign (Post 7783765)
I'm sitting here trying to think of current, lesbian actresses and I'm really struggling. Compared to the amount of out, gay actors it's an odd imbalance.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Just sitting in the corner with Ricky Martin c:

Entermaid August 13th, 2013 6:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign (Post 7783765)
She's awesome in X-Men, and Whip It was on TV recently.

There's such a huge variety of films she was in aha. Hard Candy was pretty good, mentally scarring though :P.

I'm sitting here trying to think of current, lesbian actresses and I'm really struggling. Compared to the amount of out, gay actors it's an odd imbalance.

haha, let me think of some without Googling...

Portia DeRossi!!! I love her. If I were a lesbian...
Jane Lynch - She is a great comedian and dramatic actress.
Rosie O'Donnell - She was out before she came out, hah.

Lindsay Lohan - she counts as one tenth lesbian?
Jodie Foster - She is like counts as half, since she is sort of out?!?!
That red-head from Sex in the City doesn't count. "It's a choice."

All together, I can only think of 3.6 lesbian actresses.

Psycho Yuffie August 14th, 2013 9:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7784268)
haha, let me think of some without Googling...

Portia DeRossi!!! I love her. If I were a lesbian...
Jane Lynch - She is a great comedian and dramatic actress.
Rosie O'Donnell - She was out before she came out, hah.

Lindsay Lohan - she counts as one tenth lesbian?
Jodie Foster - She is like counts as half, since she is sort of out?!?!
That red-head from Sex in the City doesn't count. "It's a choice."

All together, I can only think of 3.6 lesbian actresses.

I love Jane Lynch. <3

But, yeah, we could use with some more lesbian actresses. Not to mention some trans ones too.

Entermaid August 14th, 2013 10:10 AM

Most, if not all trans actresses play a transgender person or a tranny. I have yet to see one be treated like the gender they identify as. Unless you can think of any transgender people who simply play a man or woman.

Mana August 15th, 2013 2:31 AM

According to my TV it is Transgender Awareness day! Currently watching an interview about an ex-soldier who is transitioning with the support of his wife :).

ErikaInRainbowCity August 15th, 2013 10:52 PM

Here is a list of lesbian actresses from imdb.. sadly I don't know half of them ;_;
There's some that you guys mentioned as well:
http://www.imdb.com/list/eisyeLGkASE/


Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign (Post 7783744)
Erika, as long as you stay clear of describing actual sex you'll probably be ok here! :) Discussing attraction/crushes is perfectly fine! ^_^.


Ah ok thanks for clearing that up! I feel so innocent now teehee! (DON'TBEFOOLED) lol.

Crushes, hm? Ellen Page is cute.. I was gonna say that I never liked Juno (don't wanna get into that sorry to anyone who enjoys it lol) so I don't know any of her other films but I forgot she was in Inception and I did like her character :3 For me, there's definitely...
https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/3041062320/1bd08b6ea27228c386314f309b4dc099.jpeg

Kim HyunA from the kpop group 4Minute <3 My god, I cannot tell you how much I love this girl. If you don't listen to kpop I KNOW you should have at least seen the video for Gangnam Style, because she was the red headed girl on the subway. Before I even knew her name I saw that video and was like "OMG who is THAT?!?" lol.

But yeah I didn't know it was Transgender Awareness day yesterday, thank you SwiftSign! Sorry I'm late but Happy Transgender Awareness day to anyone who is transgender, an S.O. of a transgender, or a family/friend/any supporter :3 love you all!

Phantom August 18th, 2013 8:56 PM

Why the hell can't I find someone, anyone?!

Honestly, the local pool for lesbians here sucks.

Anyone else encountering something like this? Someone told me fish in the sea and all that, well my response was, it's not a flipping sea, it's a puddle.

Entermaid August 18th, 2013 9:59 PM

Don't complain to me, you live in Minneapolis! Try livin' in the middle of nowhere :p

Some tips:
Don't do the bar scene. Don't do the bar scene. Don't do the bar scene.

Instead

Join a LGBT activity group of some sort. For instance, a lesbian book club. Wow, that example sounds like a lame stereotype :p

Let your friends set you up. Sometimes, the interpersonal network will allow you to meet new people, but keep in mind that your friends don't actually have to date the person they set you up with! The plus side is that you may have common interests and you get a third-party perspective of the prospective suitor, though there's some bias, but it can be more accurate than a personal testimony.

Do the online dating thang! (Don't use POF [speaking of fish in the sea] or craiglist, ect.)
Further to that point, I would invest in a subscription of Match. Usually it's a smaller pool of people, but they all generally seek a long term relationship and are willing to make an investment to do so. The site is a filter in of itself. Though, Okcupid, is simply that, 'okay', if you can't afford the subscription, use that with some filter tools to get rid of the bad eggs.

Lastly, this may annoy you a tad, be patient and don't force anything. I have done that when I have felt like my options were limited, and I have many regrets for doing so.

Phantom August 18th, 2013 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7792320)
Don't complain to me, you live in Minneapolis! Try livin' in the middle of nowhere :p

I get that Minneapolis is supposedly the 'gayest city liek everr' but that doesn't mean that it's like you walk down the street and just can pick out the gay... okay, yes you can but that's not what I mean.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7792320)
Some tips:
Don't do the bar scene. Don't do the bar scene. Don't do the bar scene.

I wouldn't touch the bar scene with a hundred foot pole.

Seriously.

And that's probably like, ninety-nine percent of the problem right there. The bar crowd is HUGE around here, and I don't drink... or dance... or even walk on the same side of the street as a club... or ever been to a...

Notmything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7792320)
Instead

Join a LGBT activity group of some sort. For instance, a lesbian book club. Wow, that example sounds like a lame stereotype :p

Let your friends set you up. Sometimes, the interpersonal network will allow you to meet new people, but keep in mind that your friends don't actually have to date the person they set you up with! The plus side is that you may have common interests and you get a third-party perspective of the prospective suitor, though there's some bias, but it can be more accurate than a personal testimony.

Do the online dating thang! (Don't use POF [speaking of fish in the sea] or craiglist, ect.)
Further to that point, I would invest in a subscription of Match. Usually it's a smaller pool of people, but they all generally seek a long term relationship and are willing to make an investment to do so. The site is a filter in of itself. Though, Okcupid, is simply that, 'okay', if you can't afford the subscription, use that with some filter tools to get rid of the bad eggs.

Lastly, this may annoy you a tad, be patient and don't force anything. I have done that when I have felt like my options were limited, and I have many regrets for doing so.

Don't know any real life groups. But actually, might look into it. Can't hurt, and I can't say I've really researched much. Been a lone wolf. Hooowwl. Okay I'm done.

I have a total of ONE gay friend. That's it. Out of all the people I know. One. One.

And he can't even find himself a boyfriend.

And online dating... last time I met someone from online it was not a pleasant experience.


Am I just being picky? I guess I'm just facing that point in my life where I need to go out of my way to meet people. Aside from work, family, and my circle of friends, I don't get to meet anyone really.

New Eden August 18th, 2013 11:07 PM

Kind of in the same boat, and I just began expressing an interesting in having a partner.

I have absolutely no friend circle at all concerning in-person, and I haven't since I was thirteen, so I guess that's one thing.

My situation seems to be a little more crunched side considering that I'm pre-HRT though... but I have the fortune of group sessions starting in the fall so luck may come my way in some shape then.

Entermaid August 18th, 2013 11:50 PM

Well, I think many of us have had bad online experiences. It's best used as a date making tool rather than a dating tool. As suggested, I would go to a reputable site, in which, all or most of the users are serious in their pursuits for a long-term/life-long relationship if they meet the right person. Of course people will lie and disappoint you...it's the internet :p
That is why I would say, it is a date setting tool, and should really only be used to help you meet someone in person in order to then access if you are compatible. An online/long distance relationship should not be the main function of the site. It's all about how you use it. Though you might go on five terrible date per one promising one, it might be worth it. As you said, you might have to put yourself out there. Though, it's a lot easier to say than to do in that respect.

Phantom August 18th, 2013 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7792469)
Well, I think many of us have had bad online experiences. It's best used as a date making tool rather than a dating tool. As suggested, I would go to a reputable site, in which, all or most of the users are serious in their pursuits for a long-term/life-long relationship if they meet the right person. Of course people will lie and disappoint you...it's the internet :p
That is why I would say, it is a date setting tool, and should really only be used to help you meet someone in person in order to then access if you are compatible. An online/long distance relationship should not be the main function of the site. It's all about how you use it. Though you might go on five terrible date per one promising one, it might be worth it. As you said, you might have to put yourself out there. Though, it's a lot easier to say than to do in that respect.

Yeah... that moment when you meet them.

And they're a guy.

Nope.

Star-Lord August 19th, 2013 12:07 AM

Ah, people who are interested in relationships. I think it's really cute actually.

I wish I could find a way to fix my intimacy issues so I could do that. I'm petty happy with single life altogether though.

Entermaid August 19th, 2013 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 (Post 7792478)
Yeah... that moment when you meet them.

And they're a guy.

Nope.

I doubt that happens often, especially those who pay for a subscription. Though, you have a legitimate concern about meeting a total stranger, especially not knowing if they are physically the person that they are portraying. In your case, perhaps you might want to do a phone call, or better yet, a short and sweet Skype conversation. That way, you might be able to reduce your in-person dating anxiety.

I don't know why I think I am qualified to give dating advice tonight. But, I guess my tips can't be any worse than the crap Patti Stanger spews, and she actually gets paid for her disservice :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moogles (Post 7792487)
Ah, people who are interested in relationships. I think it's really cute actually.

I wish I could find a way to fix my intimacy issues so I could do that. I'm petty happy with single life altogether though.

Eh, you're 18, there's no huge rush. Plus, you shouldn't feel obligated or anything to be relationship-minded. You have plenty of time to come to that conclusion. I personally have been on a hiatus of which will last another year once I move, and I mean a complete hiatus from physical and emotional bonding. It's good to know how to be single or independent, especially while figuring out what you want to do with your own life. During last year and through graduation coming up next Spring, I feel like I needed to establish my own identity and be able to relocate freely without being tied down by romantic baggage.

Shining Raichu August 19th, 2013 4:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moogles
Ah, people who are interested in relationships. I think it's really cute actually.

That sounded so condescending lmao Moogles I love you so much.

Psycho Yuffie August 19th, 2013 6:45 AM

I would like to have a girlfriend, but I don't see it happening any time soon. The dating world is pretty harsh and honestly seems to be a lot more of a hassle than it's worth.

Zero° August 19th, 2013 7:00 AM

I'm happy with my current relationship, even though it is a long distance one. This is my first long distance relationship and I've heard they're hard to maintain but I think communication is key especially in LDRs so I try to communicate with my partner as much as possible. It does frustrate me a little sometimes because it feels like I'll never be able to see him in person anytime soon but who knows honestly, I'm not trying to be too optimistic but I don't want to be negative either.

Anyway I would like to join this club. I'm bisexual and have been so since middle school. I'm not open about it irl but there have been a few close friends that I've told, and that's all I plan to tell for now.

Mana August 19th, 2013 11:31 AM

I found my boyfriend on Grindr...

Yeah I don't admit that to many. except entire websites

Star-Lord August 19th, 2013 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7792502)
Eh, you're 18, there's no huge rush. Plus, you shouldn't feel obligated or anything to be relationship-minded. You have plenty of time to come to that conclusion. I personally have been on a hiatus of which will last another year once I move, and I mean a complete hiatus from physical and emotional bonding. It's good to know how to be single or independent, especially while figuring out what you want to do with your own life. During last year and through graduation coming up next Spring, I feel like I needed to establish my own identity and be able to relocate freely without being tied down by romantic baggage.

I'm not really in a rush nor do I feel obligated. I think it's just a self-realization that I do have serious issues being intimate with other people and a self-reflection has shown that I ca't expect to be able to get through my life like this. While I've managed the last three years basically by myself, that isn't an effective of necessarily a healthy lifestyle and I should come to terms that being intimate with other people is ok, sharing secrets with people are ok and trusting people is perfectly fine. While I myself firmly believe I am a strong, independent person who enjoys single life, I'm also moving across country for two weeks for post-secondary and from there I'll finally be able to have an age of discovery for who I am. Working on my intimacy issues will be something I'll actively work towards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7792837)
That sounded so condescending lmao Moogles I love you so much.

oh my god I was being sincere too lmf

also no shame on meeting your bf on grindr.

umbryan August 20th, 2013 3:25 AM

OMG! How has it taken me so long to find this! I wanna join!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwiftSign (Post 7793403)
I found my boyfriend on Grindr...

Yeah I don't admit that to many. except entire websites

Oh god, such horrifying memories of that app.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moogles (Post 7792487)
Ah, people who are interested in relationships. I think it's really cute actually.

I wish I could find a way to fix my intimacy issues so I could do that. I'm petty happy with single life altogether though.

I'm so unhappy with single life, it sucks! It's been a long six months since I even had any kind of date! Lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psycho Yuffie (Post 7793013)
I would like to have a girlfriend, but I don't see it happening any time soon. The dating world is pretty harsh and honestly seems to be a lot more of a hassle than it's worth.

It is harsh! But come on, you're 28! You have to get out there, missy! :)

What's that Edgar Allan Poe quote, "it's better to love and lost, then to never love at all"

And you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

I hope my inspirational quotes help xD

Sanguine August 20th, 2013 5:39 AM

I actually enjoy being single, it's refreshing not having to commit to anything too serious. It's always a laugh being able to go out with friends and get your fill of the local merchandise ;D

I've never been the biggest fan of relationships, but I can admit that it was nice being in one (the security, closeness was pretty amazing). I'm not sure whether I want to be in one anytime soon, but it's a possibility :3

It's amazingly weird, because I don't remember if I ever joined this club xD If I didn't, I'd like to!


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