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-   -   The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club] (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=252766)

Shining Raichu August 20th, 2013 6:38 AM

I kind of owe my current life to Grindr. I'm sitting here in my nice apartment with two gay roommates all thanks to the magic that is Grindr. Without it I'd still be sitting at Mum's house waiting for some opportunity to find me instead of going out and seeking one.

And if my roommate would have just said yes, I could have said "I found my boyfriend on Grindr" too :P

umbryan August 20th, 2013 6:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7794629)
I kind of owe my current life to Grindr. I'm sitting here in my nice apartment with two gay roommates all thanks to the magic that is Grindr. Without it I'd still be sitting at Mum's house waiting for some opportunity to find me instead of going out and seeking one.

And if my roommate would have just said yes, I could have said "I found my boyfriend on Grindr" too :P

All I found on Grindr were old guys who wanted to pay me for things and guys my age that just wanted a fun night.

Sooooo. Grindr and I don't really like each other xD

Gyardosamped August 20th, 2013 7:35 AM

My experience on both Grindr and Jack'd (the only two gay networking apps on my phone) haven't been the best. They've made me a little hesitant when it comes to the dating scene. I know some have had a good experience on them, which I was hoping would happen to me too, but it hasn't.. at least not yet lol. There seems to be two sets of people on the apps (at least from what I've experienced).. those who just want one-night stands, or those who really are sincere, but won't really continue any conversation you have with them. You ask them open-ended questions but the conversation ends up becoming very narrow. :\ It sucks for me especially because I'm already very introverted as it is. Obviously this isn't always the case with everyone on there, but I'm just some speaking from what I've experiened. GAHHHHH. I just want a LTR. Is that so hard to ask for? lol

umbryan August 20th, 2013 8:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gyardosamped (Post 7794711)
My experience on both Grindr and Jack'd (the only two gay networking apps on my phone) haven't been the best. They've made me a little hesitant when it comes to the dating scene. I know some have had a good experience on them, which I was hoping would happen to me too, but it hasn't.. at least not yet lol. There seems to be two sets of people on the apps (at least from what I've experienced).. those who just want one-night stands, or those who really are sincere, but won't really continue any conversation you have with them. You ask them open-ended questions but the conversation ends up becoming very narrow. :\ It sucks for me especially because I'm already very introverted as it is. Obviously this isn't always the case with everyone on there, but I'm just some speaking from what I've experiened. GAHHHHH. I just want a LTR. Is that so hard to ask for? lol

I know exactly what you mean! I just want a boyfriend I can cuddle with and hold hands with xD

It's def too much to ask for these days I guess :(

Just a PokéCommunity observation I'd like to make!

I was so impressed by the option of genderqueer on gender! It really made me feel that much more comfortable knowing that this must be a very accepting site when I first registered!

So kudos to PokéCommunity!:D

Kiriyuuki Kasuna August 20th, 2013 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moriarteh. (Post 7794587)
It's amazingly weird, because I don't remember if I ever joined this club xD If I didn't, I'd like to!

Renee, you did you forgetful girl, here ya go for remembrance sakes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moriarteh. (Post 7660435)
Ta, I would love to be a part of this, y'know :)

Eh, I live through the stance that if I'm attracted to someone romantically and physically, I don't particularly care what gender they identify as ~

Now, I'm not one to follow "guidelines", but if I were to use the terms you've listed on the front page, I'd say that I was pansexual xD


Also, PC is very LGBT friendly if anyone hasn't noticed yet, so yay? :D <3

Songbird August 20th, 2013 6:13 PM

I should really post more in here.

Anyways, as many of you here may not know, I'm trans (MtF, pre-everything). Even though I'm not transitioning at the moment (I'm too much of a wuss to outright tell my mother), I've been doing various things over the past six or seven years to help me look more girly. I've grown my hair out (and it's now currently just past my shoulders due to donating much of it some time ago), I stopped a nasty nail-biting habit by way of painting and filing, and I was blessed with a generally feminine figure.

Today was the best of these past years, between school troubles and my mother's emotional abuse, as I got ma'am'd, even while dressed in cargo pants and a loose T-shirt. I couldn't be happier, for hopefully obvious reasons, and now my mother is confused as to why I don't mind being called a girl. She's started making jokes (after a short insistence that I shouldn't feel complimented over being called a girl), but not in a mean manner.

I feel like I should be able to tell her soon, but I still can't find the courage necessary to do so without breaking down since her reaction is too unpredictable. T_T

Psycho Yuffie August 22nd, 2013 9:38 AM

Songbird, I know how it is. I waited until I was 26 to come out to my parents because I was a giant coward. Telling my parents was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life thus far. Here's the thing, though: waiting doesn't make it any easier and there's no such thing as waiting for a "good time." Eventually you'll realize that you need to just bite the bullet and go for it. Here's the unfortunate thing: when someone is just homosexual, they don't have a time limit but trans people do. Every single day that goes by, hormones do more irreversible damage. It sucks, but it's the truth.

Kanzler August 22nd, 2013 9:41 AM

I wouldn't call it damage though. People aren't usually ready, although you will never be ready.

Psycho Yuffie August 22nd, 2013 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7798611)
I wouldn't call it damage though. People aren't usually ready, although you will never be ready.

In terms of transgender people, it is damage. We're talking about undesirable physical changes. You may be okay with having big muscles, body hair, and a deep voice, but it isn't pleasant for trans women.

New Eden August 22nd, 2013 3:25 PM

It is damage. It can kill how you feel about your body when you finally decide to take action you may be happy with the results, but there could be regret of not starting sooner. I'm nineteen and I dunno how hormones were to me. My voice is rather deep (though noted as attractive by some), shoulders are kinda broad, and my hands/feet are pretty big. Right now all I can do is save what there is left to save (though it is a bit), which is a bummer. So yeah, it pretty much is damage.

Kanzler August 22nd, 2013 3:43 PM

Most people, regardless of their sexual identities, don't have control over the way they look. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse, but it is great power to have such a will to define your physical form. Most people won't even go there. I think it's a certain privilege to say that x body part is flawed and then go to say this is how it "should" look.

Esper August 23rd, 2013 10:02 AM

It's not to say that certain types of bodies are flawed, but that there are certain body traits (shape and size of shoulders, hands, hips, etc.) that are big identifiers of masculinity or femininity. A transwoman isn't saying that women can't have any facial hair (which, for the record, most women have to some degree), but that they don't want facial hair for themselves as it is a sign of maleness.

Songbird August 23rd, 2013 11:28 AM

I'd definitely consider certain parts of being a man along the lines of damage, such as in terms of growth. Through hormone replacement therapy, some parts of a man's body is feminized. Fat and muscle will readjust themselves; skin will become softer; body hair will start growing thinner and less noticeable, though it will still take a procedure like electrolysis to get rid of it for good; their body in general will become more sensitive and feminine. Hormones can do quite a bit given time and dedication.

However, HRT isn't a miracle cure, just like sex reassignment surgery. A couple things about being a man are completely irreversible, at least without surgery (penis notwithstanding), and can be crucial to being seen as either a woman or a man as it's not how most women would ever develop. This is especially true for transwomen, as transmen typically only have to worry about a mastectomy and such.
  1. Skeletal structure. Bones will not readjust themselves as fat and muscle will in the case of transwomen. If you're tall, you're staying tall. Square chin? You're keeping it.
  2. Voice. Also only truly applicable to transwomen, a deep voice remains deep.

To rectify these issues, some transwomen go through facial feminization surgeries and vocal training; transmen grow into these through testosterone's influence. They can also get a tracheal shave if their practiced voice isn't convincing, or they just want their neck to bulge less, but this is still a rather unsafe procedure, and can have permanently damaging effects on their throat and voice alike.

umbryan August 27th, 2013 6:54 PM

Anyone else feeling lonely lately?? :(

New Eden August 27th, 2013 7:27 PM

Sort of. I mean, my interest in wanting a relationships kinda fluctuates. I don't get real lonely though, being quite an introvert and all.

umbryan August 27th, 2013 7:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TéaQQ (Post 7806607)
Sort of. I mean, my interest in wanting a relationships kinda fluctuates. I don't get real lonely though, being quite an introvert and all.

I actually know what you mean! My interest fluctuates too, but at the end of the day I usually always wouldn't mind a guy to cuddle with xD

voltianqueen August 27th, 2013 9:33 PM

I wish I could snuggle my lady >__< She is so beautiful. I hope I can visit her next summer, or as early as spring. If my parents will let me... e__e

I dunno if I'd say I'm lonely exactly, just...wanting to be near!

Entermaid August 27th, 2013 9:36 PM

I for one think that everyone should be self-sufficient/independent and have realistic direction in life (not become a rockstar or live on disability), that is, know what their aspirations, and some, even if they are vague, goals in life, prior to starting a serious relationship.

I for one am not into the whole ephemeral relationships that are carefree and artificial "love yas" are thrown out there the entire month, if that, the relationship lasts. Though, these types of artificial relationships may last much longer, and that it especially why, for those who don't want this, to establish themselves in the ways described above to avoid being stuck in a one of these! Also, never date out of loneliness, that is another sure-fire way to end up here!

I am enjoying my two-year hiatus from dating, as of this month, and I feel as if I am more able to establish and accomplish my goals without having to deal with another person. This time in my life is about me, only. I would suggest others do the same at this juncture, assuming you are just a few years out of high school.

Though, I totally get what you guys are talking about. Having that physical contact with another person is a great and comforting feeling. I just know it's best not to rely on someone else for my happiness just yet. Though, the time is getting there. I will be ready by April, graduation. Classes started today, and the thought of graduating and moving has just become so much more real. I have devoloped this mindset over the duration of the past two year, and it's just a few more months, 8 or so, until I will be ready for a commitment, after diving back into the whole dating thing. The prospect is exciting. I have realized, it's not about raising your standards in those you date; rather, it's about raising the standards of ourselves first, and dating someone we feel that we deserve. I had a lower opinion of myself then, and dated accordingly, to what I thought that I deserved; though he was attractive, everything else was abysmal! So, that would be my ultimate advice. Date someone you feel like you deserve, and make yourself more deserving!

Omicron August 27th, 2013 10:57 PM

May I join? I'm pro LGBTS all the way. I'm a heterosexual male but can't find myself romantically right now. Well, I'm not sure of anything right now.

BTW, after reading, reading a lot xD, back in the thread I've concluded that you are all very intelligent, I' ve seen very intelligent discussions and arguments. Hopefully I can get some help here and help others as well. :)

Mana August 28th, 2013 1:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7806717)
I for one am not into the whole ephemeral relationships that are carefree and artificial "love yas" are thrown out there the entire month, if that, the relationship lasts.

I agree :) People often start off a 'relationship' with a sprint, rather than a walk. They have a date, hang out a few times and are instantly together.

I knew/dated my current boyfriend for about a month before we were 'in a relationship' and now, 7 months later, we still are. Meanwhile, my friends who rushed too quickly are now doubting themselves. One lasted two months and the other got to about five.

Of course, everyone is different with that they want in a relationship (or if they want one at all) but I think there is way too much pressure to label someone your boyfriend/girlfriend preemptively... which can just lead to disappointment.

Welcome Omicron! :D

umbryan August 28th, 2013 2:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by voltianqueen (Post 7806712)
I wish I could snuggle my lady >__< She is so beautiful. I hope I can visit her next summer, or as early as spring. If my parents will let me... e__e

I dunno if I'd say I'm lonely exactly, just...wanting to be near!

Awwwwzzz! I hope so too! That must be tough! Does she like live on campus?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7806717)
I for one think that everyone should be self-sufficient/independent and have realistic direction in life (not become a rockstar or live on disability), that is, know what their aspirations, and some, even if they are vague, goals in life, prior to starting a serious relationship.

I for one am not into the whole ephemeral relationships that are carefree and artificial "love yas" are thrown out there the entire month, if that, the relationship lasts. Though, these types of artificial relationships may last much longer, and that it especially why, for those who don't want this, to establish themselves in the ways described above to avoid being stuck in a one of these! Also, never date out of loneliness, that is another sure-fire way to end up here!

I am enjoying my two-year hiatus from dating, as of this month, and I feel as if I am more able to establish and accomplish my goals without having to deal with another person. This time in my life is about me, only. I would suggest others do the same at this juncture, assuming you are just a few years out of high school.

Though, I totally get what you guys are talking about. Having that physical contact with another person is a great and comforting feeling. I just know it's best not to rely on someone else for my happiness just yet. Though, the time is getting there. I will be ready by April, graduation. Classes started today, and the thought of graduating and moving has just become so much more real. I have devoloped this mindset over the duration of the past two year, and it's just a few more months, 8 or so, until I will be ready for a commitment, after diving back into the whole dating thing. The prospect is exciting. I have realized, it's not about raising your standards in those you date; rather, it's about raising the standards of ourselves first, and dating someone we feel that we deserve. I had a lower opinion of myself then, and dated accordingly, to what I thought that I deserved; though he was attractive, everything else was abysmal! So, that would be my ultimate advice. Date someone you feel like you deserve, and make yourself more deserving!

You sound so robotic and cold xD "I love yas" and stuff are what make relationships fun xD

Quote:

Originally Posted by Omicron (Post 7806802)
May I join? I'm pro LGBTS all the way. I'm a heterosexual male but can't find myself romantically right now. Well, I'm not sure of anything right now.

BTW, after reading, reading a lot xD, back in the thread I've concluded that you are all very intelligent, I' ve seen very intelligent discussions and arguments. Hopefully I can get some help here and help others as well. :)

Welcome! And from what I've been told, the joining process is very informal. All you basically do is introduce yourself, get involved here in discussion, and Shining Raichu will recognize you and put your name on the list.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magic Fox (Post 7806905)
I agree :) People often start off a 'relationship' with a sprint, rather than a walk. They have a date, hang out a few times and are instantly together.

I knew/dated my current boyfriend for about a month before we were 'in a relationship' and now, 7 months later, we still are. Meanwhile, my friends who rushed too quickly are now doubting themselves. One lasted two months and the other got to about five.

Of course, everyone is different with that they want in a relationship (or if they want one at all) but I think there is way too much pressure to label someone your boyfriend/girlfriend preemptively... which can just lead to disappointment.

Welcome Omicron! :D

Everyone's different and every relationship is different. I've dated guys and the chemistry and attraction was just so high and others, it took longer to gain chemistry. And I can honestly say that neither one of those two situations had a higher success rate than the other.

And I love yous are fine, you just need to get to a point where you mean it.

Esper August 28th, 2013 1:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7806717)
I for one think that everyone should be self-sufficient/independent and have realistic direction in life (not become a rockstar or live on disability), that is, know what their aspirations, and some, even if they are vague, goals in life, prior to starting a serious relationship.

I think that's why people's first relationships usually don't work out in the end, 'cuz lots of first relationships happen when you're young and still figuring out your future.

Heck, I know a few people in their 20s and 30s who still don't have their futures figured out and are having dating issues because of it.

umbryan August 29th, 2013 3:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7807625)
I think that's why people's first relationships usually don't work out in the end, 'cuz lots of first relationships happen when you're young and still figuring out your future.

Heck, I know a few people in their 20s and 30s who still don't have their futures figured out and are having dating issues because of it.

OMG! Your avatar is adorable xD

Mimosa_song August 29th, 2013 4:02 PM

Hi, I was wondering if I can join this club. Been looking at it on and off for a while. I support and all for it. I'm not sure I'm heterosexual but anything can be possible. (Though always been heterosexual ) But I like to chat here and meet others. I love helping and I care for others a lot. Nice meeting you all. :)

Phantom August 31st, 2013 12:45 PM

I'm seriously starting to think I overestimated that puddle earlier. >:\

ANYWHO

Question for people that now live in areas that allow gay marriage. My state, Minnesota, just legalized gay marriage, with the starting date August first. How has allowing gay marriage effected the LGBT community in your area? Are people being more open?

Because I'm sort of noticing that. People are being way more open with their orientation, I mean, someone flirted with me at the grocery store, and I'm pretty sure I've seen that woman before, since I go to the same store every week. She must live in the area. Just something tells me that she would not have done that a month ago.


Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimosa_song (Post 7809123)
Hi, I was wondering if I can join this club. Been looking at it on and off for a while. I support and all for it. I'm not sure I'm heterosexual but anything can be possible. (Though always been heterosexual ) But I like to chat here and meet others. I love helping and I care for others a lot. Nice meeting you all. :)

Nice to meet ya.

Welcome to the club, Shining will now sing you the theme song.

*waits*

Kanzler August 31st, 2013 1:12 PM

We have a theme song? o.O I've never had anybody flirt at me before :\ dunno what that feels like :P

Moist August 31st, 2013 4:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 (Post 7811973)
Question for people that now live in areas that allow gay marriage. My state, Minnesota, just legalized gay marriage, with the starting date August first. How has allowing gay marriage effected the LGBT community in your area? Are people being more open?

Well considering the fact that gay marriage isn't legal in Australia and the party that is supporting Gay Marriage probably isn't going to win in the election.... I"ll get back to you in 5-20 years.

Somniac August 31st, 2013 5:24 PM

I've been lurking for a while now without posting but I felt the necessity.

Our theme-song;

Shining Raichu September 1st, 2013 4:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreatTornado (Post 7812162)
Well considering the fact that gay marriage isn't legal in Australia and the party that is supporting Gay Marriage probably isn't going to win in the election.... I"ll get back to you in 5-20 years.

Don't worry, I'm gonna vote for them and there seems to be a lot of support for them in my area! I wouldn't write them off just yet - a lot of people don't like Tony Abbott.

Moist September 1st, 2013 3:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7812707)
Don't worry, I'm gonna vote for them and there seems to be a lot of support for them in my area! I wouldn't write them off just yet - a lot of people don't like Tony Abbott.

Unfortunately, Australia wants Tony...

U.Flame September 1st, 2013 4:09 PM

I'm still confused as to which areas allow gay marriage and which areas don't, it's all happening so fast! I actually had a gay marriage discussion with a friend of mine. He said he doesn't have anything against gays but is against gay marriage for complicated reasons. Basically, he thinks it will result in a population decrease. I believe marriage is just a title and won't affect the number of homosexuals nor the amount of couples that want children. There's no reason it shouldn't be legalized.

Mana September 2nd, 2013 1:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by U_Flame (Post 7813460)
Basically, he thinks it will result in a population decrease.

I hate to break it to your friend but this is actually a good thing. There are far too many people in the world anyway o_o.

Plus I don't see how us getting married would stop straight couples reproducing in anyway. It's a bit of a silly reason :D.

Moist September 2nd, 2013 9:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magic Fox (Post 7813955)
Plus I don't see how us getting married would stop straight couples reproducing in anyway. It's a bit of a silly reason :D.

B-b-but that's impossible! Letting gays marry means that our kids will turn out to be gay and the whole world will will DIE!!!!!!

That's what I would say anyway.

Shining Raichu September 4th, 2013 2:57 AM

I just... don't understand. The mind boggles so much that Australia wants Tony Abbott. They all know he's mad as a cut snake, it's ridiculous. There is no alternative so bad that Tony Abbott is the correct option. The worst part of it is that Kevin Rudd finally changed his position on gay marriage, just when it was too late.

Kanzler September 4th, 2013 7:12 PM

Come to Canada, bro. We're pretty much the same country - Anglo, immigrants, population, economy, huge amounts of territory where nobody lives, the natives we forget about, proud military traditions, and plenty of uranium! Same-sex marriage included.

-----

So I'm cruising along the internet and PC and find myself on r/genderqueer. Then I read this:

Quote:

But after puberty hit, my peers became quite vocal about how I wasn't a normal girl. Girls don't play video games and read Plato. Girls wear bras, talk about boys, put on makeup, dress pretty and torture themselves with hot wax. I was puzzled because I just couldn't see the point in doing all those things. Bras are uncomfortable. Baggy clothes are more practical. Waxing hurts. Putting on makeup is boring.

I became widely known at school as "the tranny" and I was soon convinced there was something wrong with me.
Don't play video games and read Plato, wtf? Who makes that **** up? That just read as the most stereotypical, ignorant, mischaracterized approach to gender that I've seen in a long time. Really, Plato? Philosophizing is a man's work? I've honestly never heard of that one before. And a personality like that --> tranny? Those are some messed up assumptions with some messed up people involving someone who needs to take a damn good look at the rest of the world instead of those who happen to be in her immediate community before making sweeping conclusions like that. There is more to life than what the people physically around you think.

rant over. More serious and controversial question:

We generally take everybody who's questioning their gender or orientation seriously. Should we? Is this the case for all people? If not - when is it appropriate not to take someone seriously? I know this is a touchy subject for those of us personally invested, but it's not targeted at anybody in particular and if we can agree "all" is an overstatement, is it wrong to doubt the others?

http://www.reddit.com/r/genderqueer/comments/1lqfqj/so_theres_nothing_wrong_with_me_after_all/

Mimosa_song September 6th, 2013 11:34 AM

I had a question or just curious about some things. I know some people that are christian but support gays/trans/bi's/lesbian. The others who are christian too that say "Oh your going be dammed if you support or do that" I mean this is my view with it. I see nothing wrong with supporting or choosing that. Even though it is in the bible or people who strongly believe its really bad. I think people only should get judge on there character and good morels and are a good person or not. Than what they are sexual attracted to the same sex or changing gender.

I support people who choose than and will never look at them wrong like some people do. Since the don't know it well or like it. We bleed the same color so what? I mean I don't judged since I got judged myself and bullied for my race. So I would never not like someone who likes the same sex. I support.

Also sorry if I sad something wrong in this post. o.o

Mana September 7th, 2013 3:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mimosa_song (Post 7820565)
I had a question or just curious about some things. I know some people that are christian but support gays/trans/bi's/lesbian. The others who are christian too that say "Oh your going be dammed if you support or do that" I mean this is my view with it. I see nothing wrong with supporting or choosing that. Even though it is in the bible or people who strongly believe its really bad. I think people only should get judge on there character and good morels and are a good person or not. Than what they are sexual attracted to the same sex or changing gender.

I support people who choose than and will never look at them wrong like some people do. Since the don't know it well or like it. We bleed the same color so what? I mean I don't judged since I got judged myself and bullied for my race. So I would never not like someone who likes the same sex. I support.

Also sorry if I sad something wrong in this post. o.o

I... I think I missed the question here.


Quote:

We generally take everybody who's questioning their gender or orientation seriously. Should we? Is this the case for all people?
Oooh touchy subject here. Should we take everyone seriously - I think it depends on what counts as serious or not.

For example, I don't think an 11 year old saying they are trans/gay/bi/pigeon should be encouraged or discouraged - in a sense. So they should know they'd be supported by their friend or family but it should be made clear that it doesn't matter - a decision doesn't need to be made.

Some people undoubtably suggest things to get attention. I know many gay people who claim to be bi - should they be taken seriously? Well, I can't see in to their heads. Does it even matter.

Did that even make sense?...

Phantom September 7th, 2013 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magic Fox (Post 7821621)
For example, I don't think an 11 year old saying they are trans/gay/bi/pigeon should be encouraged or discouraged - in a sense. So they should know they'd be supported by their friend or family but it should be made clear that it doesn't matter - a decision doesn't need to be made.

Some people undoubtably suggest things to get attention. I know many gay people who claim to be bi - should they be taken seriously? Well, I can't see in to their heads. Does it even matter.

I don't think it's the fact of being encouraged or discouraged, I think it's more of showing support. Support doesn't have to mean encourage. Support just means that you tell the person that you're there for them, whatever their choice is. Support, I think, is more important than encouragement. Encouragement in a situation like finding your sexuality, or figuring out your gender, sounds like peer pressure to me.

You mentioned that you know gay people who claim to be bi, well I know straight people that claim to be bi or even gay to get attention. (In my opinion these people are sick, but I digress) There are cliques where being gay is interpreted as not really cool, but attention grabbing. Where people see you as different and want to cling to you because they think its cool. Part of this is why when I told my mother I was questioning, she asked if it was someone elses' influence. She said I was just saying it because so and so was doing it.

Every situation is different though. But support is what everyone needs. Encouragement, discouragement... they make it sound like there's an option, like they're making a choice on whether to try out for the 'insert sport' team. You need to support them, not their change. Don't point out there differences, they are who they are, they are just discovering who they are.


Speaking of discovering.

So...

My heads a bit swirly right now.

Earlier I realized how gay I was... but... then I met a guy. **** I actually think I have a bit of a crush on him. Before that, I thought I had me figured out. Then I realized, I still feel that I'm asexual, I mean, sex is never something that's important to me, something I care about or even enjoy. Actually, I really really don't like it.

But an emotional connection. Getting back to where I started, it's like I've done a lap.

And I did my research, looking at other asexual people, blogs, etc. Because that's how my brain works. When I don't know something I research, a lot. It's part of my Asperger's.

Demi romantic kept coming up.

Anyone willing to offer assistance?

Alice September 7th, 2013 1:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 (Post 7822269)
So...

My heads a bit swirly right now.

Earlier I realized how gay I was... but... then I met a guy. **** I actually think I have a bit of a crush on him. Before that, I thought I had me figured out. Then I realized, I still feel that I'm asexual, I mean, sex is never something that's important to me, something I care about or even enjoy. Actually, I really really don't like it.

But an emotional connection. Getting back to where I started, it's like I've done a lap.

And I did my research, looking at other asexual people, blogs, etc. Because that's how my brain works. When I don't know something I research, a lot. It's part of my Asperger's.

Demi romantic kept coming up.

Anyone willing to offer assistance?

I went through the exact same thing through most of last year. I kept trying to figure out exactly who I was. I wanted to narrow it down to a single label that I could confidently say was me. After coming out to a lot of my friends, and trying to explain all of the nuances of my sexuality to them, I realized... who cares? Frankly, I don't, and I seriously doubt anyone that I'm not romantically engaged with does either. I guess I've just become jaded, but it's so much easier to just say **** it, and be me the way I want to be. If anyone asks, I say I'm bi, which is entirely inaccurate, but it's just not worth worrying about it, and it's certainly not worth explaining it to people that have never heard of a sexuality other than gay, straight, or bi.

At first, I thought I was straight, then realized I was gay, then I decided that I'm probably just bi, then realized I must be homoromantic polysexual gynephiliac, who's actual preference changes every few months. I think you can see why I stopped trying. Probably not the answer you wanted to hear, but it's how I'm dealing with the exact same situation. I also have Asperger's as well, although I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

This was a rant for my own sake as much as to respond to you, so sorry if it seemed aggressive. I'm just angry at myself over it.

Phantom September 7th, 2013 2:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuilavaKing (Post 7822394)
This was a rant for my own sake as much as to respond to you, so sorry if it seemed aggressive. I'm just angry at myself over it.

Naw, I am too. Like. I don't know... Facts. I tend to think in facts a lot of the time with something, and the thing is there is no black and white when it comes to things, at least, this thing. It's why I read blogs, to see how others feel, and to see if their conclusions and experiences match my own.

Though demiromantic seems to be the answer... this week. >:/

Entermaid September 7th, 2013 6:21 PM

I'll butt into this conversation as well.

Being a gay man with virtually zero sexual attraction to women whatsoever. Straight and even those who identify as gay, that likewise are not attracted to the opposite sex, tend to be uncomfortable by the idea that of bisexuals, among other sexualities aside from gay and straight. I, myself, thought thought that most bi men were actually just gay (compensating for being portrayed as feminine), and most bi women were straight (attention-seeking). Though, certainly some people may exhibit those affectations, likely the vast majority are actually bisexual, or are simply moving closer to identifying a sexuality that transcends both gay and straight classifications which I could assume could be a struggle for those that are neither of those. The hypocrisy of it all for gay individuals that harbor this sentiment against bisexuals, "how could a person possibly be attracted to both genders" is that these sort of sentiments mirror ignorant comments about homosexuality. For instance, a good number of people still believe that being gay is a choice of lifestyle, when, in most cases, it is an inherent quality of which the only choice is either to suppress the quality or not. Essentially, like a straight person choosing to suppress their attraction for the opposite sex in place of someone of the same sex. We don't see many straight people making that choice now do we? (Though, there is always the exception)

The only sexual identification I sometimes question the intentions are for those that claim to be panromantic while simultaneous not being pansexual or asexual. For instance, if someone is only sexually attracted to men, I am not quite convinced that dating a woman is good for either person in the relationship. So, this criticism is not coming from a place of disgust or condemnation, but rather, as a voice of concern that the implication of this behavior engenders needless disappointment and hurt feelings. Though, it is troubling and even frustrating to an extent when people want to be different or stand out by being a sexual minority when it's not completely genuine, like my cousin who is a die-hard liberal stating, "Oh, I was very moved by Brokeback Mountain...now I'd really be interested in trying out being a lesbian." (Might I add, she is a 30-year-old grown woman). I really think many of these people just don't understand the complexities of sexuality, even if they are extremely tolerant and accepting of others. So no, I don't harbor disgust for those that falsely represent their sexuality, rather it's just a nuisance. I will most likely ignore this behavior or gently advise them to reconsider how their actions affect others, especially those that they are romantically involved with on a false pretense if I know the person well enough.

Kanzler September 7th, 2013 7:22 PM

Ehh, nuisance, disgust, tomato, tomato. I feel you.

New Eden September 9th, 2013 9:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7818226)
That just read as the most stereotypical, ignorant, mischaracterized approach to gender that I've seen in a long time.

I think there's a bunch of people who miss the point of the whole thing. It's not that you don't conform to the roles of your assigned gender, but what really matters in the end is how you feel inside. I understand OP talks about this later on, but thought that was kinda irritating myself.

Honestly I take people seriously depending on how themselves are serious about their sexual orientation/gender identity. Most folk here seem to, so I don't see it as an issue. I am a tad bit skeptical of how seriously people take demi- into question though, kind of as if they haven't challenged themselves about it. It's particularly a description that I merely see as a preference for plenty of people, myself included. If it seems like I'm attempting to put some people down, I'm not, it's just my two cents. Maybe it's just my personal preference, since I seem to prefer to use definitions instead of labels, I don't know.

Shining Raichu September 16th, 2013 5:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking
Straight and even those who identify as gay, that likewise are not attracted to the opposite sex, tend to be uncomfortable by the idea that of bisexuals, among other sexualities aside from gay and straight. I, myself, thought thought that most bi men were actually just gay (compensating for being portrayed as feminine), and most bi women were straight (attention-seeking). Though, certainly some people may exhibit those affectations, likely the vast majority are actually bisexual, or are simply moving closer to identifying a sexuality that transcends both gay and straight classifications which I could assume could be a struggle for those that are neither of those.

I agree with this mostly - I've often thought this myself. But I don't know that it comes from a place of discomfort exactly. I've never been uncomfortable with the idea of people being bisexual, and I've never disbelieved in the orientation itself, but I did believe that most people were faking it as either a stepping stone to ease people into their homosexuality or for attention. That's because in the teenage years, that can quite often be the case, as it was in my experience.

voltianqueen September 25th, 2013 12:11 AM

Uh, well, my gf is not my gf anymore, but she's still lovely -w-
Maybe hope for the future, but then maybe not, who knows, but she's still a valued friend no matter how it goes.

About bisexuality...for some reason...I don't feel right if I say I'm bi o_o I feel like it doesn't explain enough or something, though I don't know what else I'd have to explain. Like it sounds too broad..? Or not broad enough? Actually, I have no idea, I just like people sometimes.

Esper September 25th, 2013 8:53 AM

Maybe you should just avoid labeling yourself. After all, there aren't enough labels out there to describe everyone and if you're not comfortable with the constraints of the label then you shouldn't force yourself into it. "I just like people sometimes" might be the most appropriate label for you.

Shining Raichu September 27th, 2013 2:32 AM

While I do see the need for labels, in this instance I'd have to agree with Scarfy. Sometimes it's better not to think too much, especially in situations that shouldn't necessarily be about thinking. Do what you want, be attracted to who you're attracted to and let that be that.

Or if you really feel the need to say something, then something I often find helpful is saying "I'm a boy who likes boys." That way I'm not saying I'm gay, but I'm describing my gender and my attraction. Then there's no need for a label or a pigeonhole, just a description of what's up.

paraz September 27th, 2013 4:41 AM

I'd have to agree with Scarfy too, Sometimes it's better not to think too much\\{XD}

Esper September 27th, 2013 4:04 PM

Oh, I don't think you can ever think too much. :D

But you don't need to dwell on certain things. Like, if you have a door to open and none of the keys you have work, it doesn't help to keep trying them, but you should think about how else you can open the door or whether opening the door is really what you should be doing.

Kanzler September 27th, 2013 4:08 PM

The solution to that problem is climbing on top of your roof and breaking into your own house through a window. Been there, done that. Tangent, I know. I guess the analogy would be - do something original!

voltianqueen September 28th, 2013 2:04 AM

Ah, I was just adding my thoughts about bisexuality :3 I'm pretty comfortable with it myself, but I was just meaning it's difficult to explain exactly how it is if someone else asks or if it comes up in discussion somehow lol
Most of the time it's just with friends so I can tell them whatever I want, but it's still weird when someone's like, "Oh, so you're bi?" I just...no. I just don't like the word! Kinda like how I'll always say "I'm from the US" rather than "I'm American" because the word "American" reminds me of the taste of American cheese by itself.
:P

Esper September 29th, 2013 8:34 AM

Oh, goodness, I would never say to someone "Oh, so you're _____?" Really awkward. It's, like, what would you expect as a response? "Nope, not really. I just wanted to confuse you."

Shiarra October 1st, 2013 11:45 AM

I'd like to join please, what are the requirements?

Esper October 1st, 2013 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shiarra (Post 7857480)
I'd like to join please, what are the requirements?

You've just met them by posting. Everyone who is amazing is welcome.

It's not all that rules-intensive. Just chime in to whatever discussion is going on or bring up whatever you feel like. Well, as long as it's not breaking the rules of course. You can tell us about yourself, ask questions - whatever. No pressure to talk about yourself though. Respectin' boundaries and all that.

Shiarra October 1st, 2013 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7857490)
You've just met them by posting. Everyone who is amazing is welcome.

It's not all that rules-intensive. Just chime in to whatever discussion is going on or bring up whatever you feel like. Well, as long as it's not breaking the rules of course. You can tell us about yourself, ask questions - whatever. No pressure to talk about yourself though. Respectin' boundaries and all that.

Thank you for the explanation.

Alice October 1st, 2013 6:31 PM

I just moved to a city I've more or less never been to... don't know anyone at all. I've been trying to find get-togethers for games and stuff, but there's just... nothing. Are there LGBT clubs, or anything that aren't associated with a school? Haven't been able to find anything unfortunately, but I'm gonna go crazy just sitting alone at home. lol

Phantom October 7th, 2013 12:19 AM

Phantom's back!


Quote:

Originally Posted by QuilavaKing (Post 7858164)
I just moved to a city I've more or less never been to... don't know anyone at all. I've been trying to find get-togethers for games and stuff, but there's just... nothing. Are there LGBT clubs, or anything that aren't associated with a school? Haven't been able to find anything unfortunately, but I'm gonna go crazy just sitting alone at home. lol

Well, depends on the city.

If you can't find a group, and surely there has to be one SOMEWHERE if you dig deep enough. If not, well, what's stopping you from creating one? Sometimes, if groups are hard to find, maybe it's because those that run them aren't advertising enough, or they need people who are willing to be out there and be active.


ANYWHO, guess who finally had a total sitdown with her family today? This person.

It was... Not bad. My mom cried a bit and my dad was quiet. My grandma, well I'm not sure, she's a really good actor... but they aren't mad, that's a plus.

I think I finally got through to them that it isn't a phase, or something I am going through. They agreed, saying, according to my mother that when I mentioned being bi (back in the day I labeled myself that because I was in that stage of discovering myself) they knew that there was a 95% chance of being totally lesbain. So my mom said she was only 5% shocked. I think that works. They said they love me because I am a good person, that I'm theirs, not because of who I love.

My mom was actually upset I didn't say anything sooner.

Anywho, I didn't go into big labeling, I just said that yep, I like woman. I've dated women.

It's a happy feeling. Like... it feels like it's my birthday. It's just that excitement you feel just under your skin and you just feel like nothing can go wrong. Like I have exciting news to tell everybody.

I think it's the best thing I've done in a long time.

Dakotah October 7th, 2013 1:25 AM

You know, it's funny. We humans are so fixated on fitting in that we often assign ourselves labels even when we don't intend to. And sometimes the things we label ourselves as can be quite humorous.

I don't so much label myself as I accept that who I am closely relates to a particular definition of a certain word. But even that similarity isn't 100% accurate. I am a man who is most definitely attracted to guys, and in fact am in love with one of the most amazing guys I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. But even so, I am quite capable of recognizing and even appreciating the attractiveness of someone of the opposite sex. I have no interest in sexual relationships with women, but I would be foolish to deny that I find someone, regardless of gender, to be attractive... or not.

I think there is a very small percentage of people who are exclusively attracted to someone of the opposite sex, and a very small percentage of people who are exclusively attracted to someone of the same sex. There is something called a Kinsey scale, which, through testing, measures a person's orientation. I think a lot of people would be surprised to discover that they're not a 0 or a 6 (0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual) on the scale. I, myself, am between 4 and 5 on the scale.

I find it also very fascinating that of all of us, females tend to exhibit the most varied range of sexuality. Theirs is more fluid where males are more rigid (no that is not a pun).

So, a label certainly helps us to fit in with a certain group, I think we should all be willing to accept that our labels are not absolutes. We have to accept that throughout our lives changes will occur that can and do make us question the labels we've assigned ourselves.

Shining Raichu October 7th, 2013 2:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuilavaKing (Post 7858164)
I just moved to a city I've more or less never been to... don't know anyone at all. I've been trying to find get-togethers for games and stuff, but there's just... nothing. Are there LGBT clubs, or anything that aren't associated with a school? Haven't been able to find anything unfortunately, but I'm gonna go crazy just sitting alone at home. lol

I've told you before and I'll tell you again Q, Grindr. Yes, a lot of the people there are looking for sex and nothing more but now you've moved a little closer to civilisation I think you should give it another shot. I live in a coastal area where there isn't much of a gay community so Grindr and other similar phone apps are the only real way to meet other gay/bi people. And you get to talk to them online first so you get a general idea of what they're about before you go to the trouble of meeting them lol

Alice October 7th, 2013 8:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7869205)
I've told you before and I'll tell you again Q, Grindr. Yes, a lot of the people there are looking for sex and nothing more but now you've moved a little closer to civilisation I think you should give it another shot. I live in a coastal area where there isn't much of a gay community so Grindr and other similar phone apps are the only real way to meet other gay/bi people. And you get to talk to them online first so you get a general idea of what they're about before you go to the trouble of meeting them lol

I have. There's no one I'd be even remotely interested in talking to around here. I'm going into town today actually... I guess I could pick some people out and talk to them later, but I'm not really sure how well that would work out, considering I live 30 minutes away.

Kanzler October 7th, 2013 8:40 AM

You guys are so hardcore, with game plans and tech and all.

Triforce October 7th, 2013 9:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7869205)
I've told you before and I'll tell you again Q, Grindr. Yes, a lot of the people there are looking for sex and nothing more but now you've moved a little closer to civilisation I think you should give it another shot. I live in a coastal area where there isn't much of a gay community so Grindr and other similar phone apps are the only real way to meet other gay/bi people. And you get to talk to them online first so you get a general idea of what they're about before you go to the trouble of meeting them lol

I've only had about two decent conversations from using Grindr. I suppose it depends on where you live though. When you stay in one place, you get the same people most days.

Shining Raichu October 8th, 2013 5:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QuilavaKing (Post 7869610)
I have. There's no one I'd be even remotely interested in talking to around here. I'm going into town today actually... I guess I could pick some people out and talk to them later, but I'm not really sure how well that would work out, considering I live 30 minutes away.

If you have to travel 30 minutes you have to travel 30 minutes, it's better than where you were living before lol. But you have to give people a chance, don't just look at the profiles and make your judgment on a picture or a silly few sentences that you have to write about yourself. Give it a chance!

Entermaid October 8th, 2013 8:18 AM

I just don't like Grindr because there is less information to judge a person on. I don't like to waste my time when I know myself and another person have incompatible goals. Based on a brief bio and pictures, I can really only tell if I am physically attracted, well assuming the pictures are an accurate depiction of what the person looks like currently.

Anyway, though I am abstaining from dating for several more months while I am finishing up undergrad, I would suggest to others to ALSO give okcupid a try. Though, be cautious. With more information you need to be careful how you use that information. Also, filters in general can cut out people that you might be really compatible with, so make sure to try various search methods. I just never had success finding a compatible person because of geographical location, which should change relatively soon.

Okcupid is the best FREE site. Since, you actually get to compare questions and the bios are more complete. Again, be careful not assume anyone is completely ingenuous, that is what the in-person dating is for! Rather, it's a nice way to filter out people that state incompatible goals or traits and provide a basis for date discussions (given you know a bit about their interests), and even a way to slip in some followup questions for any potential red flags. This person may have a great justification.

But the more options the better. I would say, try both. See which one works best for you, and put yourself out there.

--

So, I have a bit of interesting things to say after class today.

Apparently, women are significantly more likely to have homosexual children after extreme stress. The study was conducted on women that were pregnant during WWII, in Germany. That study, with some of the other studies, that indicate that women are more likely to give birth to homosexual males if she has already given birth to male offspring (progressively with each birth).

Biologically, it makes sense. In order for a women to ensure her genes success, she needs offspring that will reproduce. Upon having several boys, it becomes less likely that she will be able to provide not only enough, but more resources for her sons than other mothers. Therefore, homosexual offspring are more altruistic for their relatives, reproductive success, and thus, their own genetic success (siblings share on average 50% of the same genetics). They are less invested in their own reproductive success putting forth more energy into relatives. Likewise, during war, or any sort of stress, it may be more advantageous to have a homosexual child of either sex that will invest more into the family and siblings than on parental investment of their own children.

Therefore, mothers that had this trait, were more likely to survive and produce children that would produce children, and thus why homosexuals exist today, as well as other animal species. It's simply a very advantageous trait to possess from a biological standpoint and has survived the process of natural selection.

Thought that would be 'fun' to share.

Kanzler October 9th, 2013 8:57 PM

I read of another theory.

Basically, male proteins are foreign to a female's body. As a result, it's possible for the mother to create antibodies that would attack these male compounds. Every time a woman has a male child, her immune system is primed with the presence of foreign protein and her response would increase with each child. So each subsequent male child is subject to a higher concentration of anti-male antibodies. Oh, and antibodies are designed to neutralize the antigens they correspond to. So each subsequent male child is subject to a higher level of destruction of their male compounds. It would give an alternate explanation to the observation listed above.

Entermaid October 9th, 2013 9:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7874507)
I read of another theory.

Basically, male proteins are foreign to a female's body. As a result, it's possible for the mother to create antibodies that would attack these male compounds. Every time a woman has a male child, her immune system is primed with the presence of foreign protein and her response would increase with each child. So each subsequent male child is subject to a higher concentration of anti-male antibodies. Oh, and antibodies are designed to neutralize the antigens they correspond to. So each subsequent male child is subject to a higher level of destruction of their male compounds. It would give an alternate explanation to the observation listed above.


Actually this is a proximate cause. These are the biological effects of having more male children. Every time a woman has a male her immune system will produce more anti-male antibodies. However, the ultimate phylogenic outcome, to explain why women would possess genetic information that would instruct the immune system to react in this manner, can be explained by natural selection, in that women that didn't possess this physiological reaction would have had more male offspring competing against each other and therefore not yielding as many offspring, as the women that did inherit this trait.

So, we both could be right. It's just a matter of synthesis of the two, proximate and ultimate, causes. I am glad you brought that up! It helps better explain the ultimate causes.

Kanzler October 9th, 2013 9:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fenneking (Post 7874521)
Actually this a proximate cause. These are the biological effects of having more male children. Every time a woman has a male her immune system will produce more anti-male antibodies. However, the ultimate phylogenic outcome, to explain why women would possess genetic information that would instruct the immune system to react in this manner, can be explained by natural selection, in that women that didn't possess this physiological reaction would have had more male offspring competing against each other and therefore not yielding as many offspring, as the women that did inherit this trait.

I like where you're going with that. The logic is sound.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/f03af19ed045efcdca8dc45a0aa7df40/tumblr_mr19jhn9ci1sy86tgo1_500.gif

Entermaid October 9th, 2013 9:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7874537)

SPOCK! Gawd I love Zachary Quinto. I was all for Team Sylar in Heroes!

Kanzler October 9th, 2013 10:13 PM

I wonder how he's doing that thing with his eyebrows. Is it fine muscular control or does he just have that emotion or expression set? He looks permanently edgy, like you're expecting him to do something interesting every moment.

Shining Raichu October 21st, 2013 6:19 AM

So gay marriage in Australia is in a bit of a precarious position right now. The ACT, which is a tiny tiny state in the middle of New South Wales, is passing a bill legalising same-sex marriage, which will make it the first state in Australia to do so. However, the new homophobic Federal Government in power has said that it will challenge the new laws in the High Court of Australia, which has made the ACT lawmakers amend the bill to create a separate status of marriage for same-sex couples to give it a better chance of surviving the challenge.

I don't know whether to be happy or enraged...

Kanzler October 21st, 2013 7:17 AM

Same-sex marriage is now in New Jersey though - gotta take the bad with the good :P MURCA!

They can always amend it in the future. I don't think things like this tend to be set in stone, just a feeling. Once it gets passed it'll be a political victory having obtained some change, but the people affected by the law won't be satisfied. My calculation is that they'll score the victory now while they can, and then just ride along popular support as it grows. It's all gain, no loss.

Dakotah October 21st, 2013 7:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7893615)
So gay marriage in Australia is in a bit of a precarious position right now. The ACT, which is a tiny tiny state in the middle of New South Wales, is passing a bill legalising same-sex marriage, which will make it the first state in Australia to do so. However, the new homophobic Federal Government in power has said that it will challenge the new laws in the High Court of Australia, which has made the ACT lawmakers amend the bill to create a separate status of marriage for same-sex couples to give it a better chance of surviving the challenge.

I don't know whether to be happy or enraged...

Be both. The people of Australia voted in a homophobe because they cared more about their own personal issues than they cared about the plight of an oppressed minority. It's reactionary politics at its worst. I'm almost to the point where I'm just shrugging my shoulders now because the electorate seems to be becoming less and less informed about issues than ever before, and quite frankly, I think they deserve the government they get. Maybe if they begin opening their eyes and start tuning in to what's going on around them and not being so selfish things will start getting done. Instead all I keep hearing from the same old politicians is the same old arguments and the electorate that keeps falling for the same old lies. I guess it's true what they say, you never can teach an old dog new tricks.

Esper October 21st, 2013 9:37 AM

Australia doesn't seem like the kind of place that would backslide and start becoming more hostile to gay rights so it could be a halfway victory. (But what do I know about Australia?)

It's okay to feel annoyed and upset that you're not getting what your rightfully deserve while also feeling a little accomplished if you get something that's imperfect but still better than what was before. Just gotta keep it up.

Shining Raichu October 22nd, 2013 4:48 AM

The thing is though, I don't actually care so much. Australia is nothing. It always has been and always will be. It simply doesn't matter, so I don't care too much what happens here. My happiness/rage is more on principle, the way you get pissed off when the wrong person gets evicted on Big Brother.

I know gay marriage will be legal here by the time I actually manage to hunt myself down a man lol

LaVida October 22nd, 2013 6:42 AM

Have you guys heard about Russia's policy regarding gay rights?
I didn't know much about Russia but I was completely shocked when I read a newspaper article about the situation of homosexuals in Russia. The government is constantly restricting gay rights. For example, at the beginning of this year, a law was passed that prohibits showing homosexual relationships openly in the public, as "to protect" minors. In the article I read, some homosexuals were quoted who can no longer live without fear. One of them said that she can't hold hands with her girlfriend on the streets anymore because people will stare with disgust. There has been a clear increase in violent attacks against gay people as well.

What shocked me most, though, was a comment made by the state television's Vice-Secretary-General Dmitri Kisseljow during a TV show. He said something like: "I think it's not enough to punish gay people because of gay propaganda around minors. Gay people should not be allowed to get semen or blood donations and after a fatal car accident, you need to bury or burn their hearts as they are unsuitable for a prolongation of life-no matter for whom."

Reading all that, it's impossible to think that just about 10 years ago, the famous (apparently) lesbian duo "t.A.T.u." was Russia's contribution to the Eurovision Song Contest.

Esper October 22nd, 2013 8:20 AM

Yeah, Russia is a bad place. I can only suppose that there is enough unrest among people that the government has chosen gay people to be a scapegoat and work up the dregs of their society to support Putin and his crowd.

It's been in the news a bit since they're hosting the Olympics and there's been talk back and forth about whether people should boycott, or how safe it would be for gay athletes or visitors. I know I'm not going to watch the games this time.

Magic Christmas Lights October 22nd, 2013 10:38 AM

^ After reading the above, I think I'll be boycotting the Olympics as well. That's horrible. No one should have to live in those conditions. That's psychologically damaging. :(

Does anyone else get tripped up by labels? I just realized that I have recently described myself as pansexual (because my romantic attraction to people is based on their personality), bisexual (because I tend to be romantically attracted to both genders), but also asexual (I don't seem to be sexually attracted to anyone ever.) It's confusing. After looking at the term bisexual, I guess I can't really apply that to myself because it implies sexual attraction. Bi-romantic would be more accurate? I know a lot of people kind of hate these extra labels, but I personally love them - I need that extra nuance or else I'm just misrepresenting myself.

Esper October 23rd, 2013 9:12 AM

To be honest I feel like labels should either be kicked out entirely or they should be really nuanced. If we stop using them then we'll have to get to know people individually, but if we keep them then we give everybody the chance to find something that works for them.

LaVida October 23rd, 2013 11:22 AM

I guess if people use labels and how they use them is entirely up to them. I personally don't see a point in looking for the "right" orientation desperately. So, I wouldn't overuse (is this even a word?) labels like Magic Christmas Lights does but if you feel best that way, then why not? I just call myself bisexual but sometimes, I think it'd be best to go without a label. I just like people. That's it. It doesn't really matter to me if I'm attracted to guys more romantically and to girls more sexually. I don't see a point in making a fuss over my orientation like that. It took me long enough to realize that I like both anyway XD

Magic Christmas Lights October 23rd, 2013 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaVida (Post 7897298)
I guess if people use labels and how they use them is entirely up to them. I personally don't see a point in looking for the "right" orientation desperately. So, I wouldn't overuse (is this even a word?) labels like Magic Christmas Lights does but if you feel best that way, then why not? I just call myself bisexual but sometimes, I think it'd be best to go without a label. I just like people. That's it. It doesn't really matter to me if I'm attracted to guys more romantically and to girls more sexually. I don't see a point in making a fuss over my orientation like that. It took me long enough to realize that I like both anyway XD

When the big three (homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual) both don't describe you and would actually misrepresent you to others, it's hard not to "overuse" labels.

LaVida October 25th, 2013 6:19 AM

Well, I don't know. Most people I know have never heard of the term "bi-romantic" so if it applied to me, I'd probably not use it as it would stir up more confusion than it'd help to express myself. But that's just me. Just because a term is not so well-known, it doesn't mean, it can't be used. So, if it helps you, then it's totally fine :3

Esper October 25th, 2013 11:22 AM

Sounds like there needs to be a big push to educate the people about all these terms we've got. I can just see it: billboards and youtube ads all over the place.

That might scare a lot of people away though.

Kanzler October 25th, 2013 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7900972)
Sounds like there needs to be a big push to educate the people about all these terms we've got. I can just see it: billboards and youtube ads all over the place.

That might scare a lot of people away though.

I feel you. I think people don't bother because it's too much work to go through so much information that frankly isn't useful on an individual level, really.

Esper October 25th, 2013 11:56 AM

It would make things so much easier if people were, you know, not intolerant.

Kanzler October 25th, 2013 11:58 AM

Maybe intolerance isn't the best word to describe it, more like apathy :\ The absence of interest doesn't necessarily mean hostility.

Esper October 25th, 2013 12:31 PM

No, I mean intolerance. I don't care about apathy (haha) but people who are intolerant just make any environment a little toxic to even bring up topics like this. With apathetic people you can be "Hey, I'm actually bi-romantic, etc. etc." and they'll be like "Okay."

Melody October 25th, 2013 7:24 PM

I can understand and respect a polite level of expressed apathy. Though I will admit that it is deflating at first when you find someone who really doesn't really care or mind who it is you love. Once you realize it's not a bad thing, it's pretty easy to accept actually. It's sad that so many people choose to remain ignorant though.

LaVida October 26th, 2013 8:55 AM

This is a question for all transgender people.

How did you find out that you were transgender? You see, I feel that the whole issue of transgender is very difficult to understand for people who are not concerned. I just can't imagine what it's like. When you're a guy and not satisfied with it and just want to be a girl... is that what it is? I suppose as a guy, you could be girlish, even though it's not what society expects from a guy. There's more than sterotypes. But I guess, with transgender people, it's more than just not fitting in with these sterotypes. Do you feel that you were born in the wrong body? Have you always known that you're "different"?

I'm looking forward to your replies :3

Kanzler October 29th, 2013 9:22 PM

I'm straight and cisgendered and I don't always fit in the stereotypes so that answers one of the questions. Maybe it doesn't have to do so much with stereotypes like you've said? Not so sure myself, good discussion point though! Let's show and tell XD

New Eden October 29th, 2013 10:53 PM

I feel like I am indeed a girl, but nature gave me the wrong chromosome. I wound up finding it out when I felt like I had no sense of fitting in, and asked myself, "who am I?" I figured out what transgenderism was, and I was appalled by how it described how I felt so well (I was twelve.) I went with living like a boy until I was about 18 and a half, then it got to the point where I was unable to take it for much longer. I don't have the answer on exactly how I knew, in part due to that period of time is one I try so hard to forget.

For me it's not as much about stereotypes as much as it is as much as others perceive me. I just wish to be recognised as the person I see myself as: a woman. Even to myself, considering I'll look at a mirror and be unhappy with what I am seeing. I'm hoping to change that though since I'm just about to begin hormone therapy (which in itself makes me happy.)

Dakotah October 30th, 2013 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TéaQQ (Post 7909551)
I feel like I am indeed a girl, but nature gave me the wrong chromosome. I wound up finding it out when I felt like I had no sense of fitting in, and asked myself, "who am I?" I figured out what transgenderism was, and I was appalled by how it described how I felt so well (I was twelve.) I went with living like a boy until I was about 18 and a half, then it got to the point where I was unable to take it for much longer. I don't have the answer on exactly how I knew, in part due to that period of time is one I try so hard to forget.

For me it's not as much about stereotypes as much as it is as much as others perceive me. I just wish to be recognised as the person I see myself as: a woman. Even to myself, considering I'll look at a mirror and be unhappy with what I am seeing. I'm hoping to change that though since I'm just about to begin hormone therapy (which in itself makes me happy.)

Best wishes to you on your journey to become the real you. The important thing here, I think, is that you be happy with yourself. I would suggest not concentrating on the acceptance of others. The only true opinion that matters is your own. What others think of you should only be given as much weight as what you decide to eat for dinner tonight.

We all want recognition and acceptance, of course, but it can't be forced on others. Only when you are truly happy with yourself will others recognize and accept you. Take your time, enjoy the journey, and like I said, I offer my best wishes to you and my congratulations for having the courage to be true to yourself. I wish others could be more like you.

Shining Raichu November 6th, 2013 8:11 AM

So sometimes when the conversation lags here for a while, I just Google "gay" and see what happens. There's always something gay on Google News.

Today I accidentally clicked Pictures instead of News and pretty much every picture is of men in public in their underwear. How do we feel about this being the dominant image?

Dakotah November 6th, 2013 8:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7922789)
So sometimes when the conversation lags here for a while, I just Google "gay" and see what happens. There's always something gay on Google News.

Today I accidentally clicked Pictures instead of News and pretty much every picture is of men in public in their underwear. How do we feel about this being the dominant image?

It actually is not surprising at all, considering homosexual males are commonly referred to as being gay, while homosexual females are more commonly referred to as lesbians. Had you entered the latter into the search engine, instead of mostly nude men, you'd be seeing pictures of women. And although both men and women can be referred to as being gay, it's easier for some to use a distinctive label instead of one all-encompassing label. As for the images you saw, really, I don't mind in the least. ;)

Kanzler November 6th, 2013 8:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7922789)
So sometimes when the conversation lags here for a while, I just Google "gay" and see what happens. There's always something gay on Google News.

Today I accidentally clicked Pictures instead of News and pretty much every picture is of men in public in their underwear. How do we feel about this being the dominant image?

Yeah. I think this a huuuge problem. It's one of the things that make homophobic and/or conservative people uneasy about considering their views. It's not going to make homosexual people be perceived as the mainstream, everyday kind of people they are, it's only promoting a fringe and sexualized culture and perception.

Esper November 6th, 2013 2:28 PM

Squeaky wheel gets the oil. It's the pride parades and attention-grabbing stuff like that which gets the most attention from the mainstream. It's probably not as bad as it seems. If you do the same thing for "lesbian" you get mostly stuff that is borderline inappropriate for a website like this: half-naked women kissing and grinding and that sort of stuff. Very clearly there for straight men.

Palamon November 7th, 2013 4:53 PM

I don't think it's too late to join, so may I? I'm bi, and I don't care what sexual orientation anyone is--I support them all.

To be honest, I've known only recently that I was bi... and recently I feel like I lean more towards women, but yeah, it's what makes me happy in a relationship, right?

Melody November 7th, 2013 5:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yuki's Sword (Post 7925374)
I don't think it's too late to join, so may I? I'm bi, and I don't care what sexual orientation anyone is--I support them all.

To be honest, I've known only recently that I was bi... and recently I feel like I lean more towards women, but yeah, it's what makes me happy in a relationship, right?

Indeed it is the only thing that matters. What you like. Who you are attracted to. The person just for you can only be decided by you. Man, woman, somewhere in between; it matters not.

We welcome you with open arms~ :D

Kanzler November 7th, 2013 6:59 PM

You never welcomed me with open arms :< How many months is this overdue? hmmph

Taemin November 7th, 2013 9:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7922789)
So sometimes when the conversation lags here for a while, I just Google "gay" and see what happens. There's always something gay on Google News.

lmfao oh my god

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shining Raichu (Post 7922789)
Today I accidentally clicked Pictures instead of News and pretty much every picture is of men in public in their underwear. How do we feel about this being the dominant image?

It's not surprising.

Then again, some of my gay friends have tumblr blogs, and that's what they blog all day - hot guys in their underwear in stupid poses. Because that's what they like. xD; So maybe the biggest search on the internet in relation to the term "gay" is that sort of thing? I've actually never looked.

Kinda like how searching lesbians probably gives you flawless females models all up in each other's grills lookin' sorta tacky.

Dakotah November 11th, 2013 11:55 AM

I thought this was so awesome I just had to post this here. It's an Op-Ed in the form of an open letter from Sarah Trumble, a policy counsel at Third Way, a moderate think tank in Washington, D.C.:

Quote:

Dear Speaker Boehner,

I know you’re having a really rough fall, and you may be sitting in your office right now, wistfully wishing the holiday recess would arrive. But the Senate has just passed the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, a bill that would protect LGBT Americans from being fired because of who they are. And you can bring ENDA up for a vote without facing shutdown-style fallout — instead just skipping straight to the standing ovation. Here’s why:

You may be an old-school politician at heart, but public opinion is shifting on LGBT issues faster than you think. Sixty-eight percent of Americans — including 56 percent of Republicans — support a federal law protecting lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Americans from being discriminated against at work. Voter modeling shows majority support for ENDA in every single state. Americans are more likely to support the reelection of a member of Congress who voted for an LGBT workplace non-discrimination bill than not. And before you start talking about primary voters, you should know 59 percent of white evangelical Protestants support workplace protections for gay and lesbian people. Honestly, 80 percent of the country already thinks ENDA is law, so they shouldn’t even notice.

But it’s not just the public that’s coming around — so is your caucus. The tenor of the ENDA debate in the Senate last week was shocking — for just how boring it was. You were in Congress in 1996 when the House debated the Defense of Marriage Act. Do you remember Republican representative Bob Barr of Georgia warning, “The very foundations of our society are in danger of being burned,” or Republican representative David Funderburk of North Carolina saying that “homosexuality has been discouraged in all cultures because it is inherently wrong and harmful to individuals, families, and societies”? Contrast that to this past week — when nary a Republican seemed to want to speak in opposition to the bill, the ranking Republican member of the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee ceded his opening statement at the committee vote to a Republican cosponsor of ENDA rather than using that time to oppose the bill, and amendments proposed on the floor mostly tried to change the subject, from right-to-work to sex-selective abortion bans.

Where are the hellfires, you ask? Two Senate Republicans were ENDA cosponsors. Three voted the bill out of the HELP Committee. Seven voted for cloture. Ten voted for the bill on final passage. And for the record, the last time the House voted on ENDA in 2007, it passed with 235 votes — including 35 Republicans.

The bill is politically a safe bet because it’s actually rooted in conservative values. Conservatives hold sacred meritocracy, and that value lies at the core of ENDA. Everyone should be hired or fired based on the quality of the work they do, and nothing else. This bill is about qualifications, not quotas, which is why the business community is already ahead of Congress on this. Eighty-eight percent of Fortune 500 companies have implemented policies prohibiting discrimination against gay and lesbian employees, and 57 percent include transgender employees.

You won’t need to worry about ENDA’s impact on small businesses, either — they’re totally exempt. Also exempted are all religious organizations — like churches, schools, hospitals, social services agencies, religious publishers, and anyone else whose “purpose and character are primarily religious” under the strong and tested definition from Title VII. That’s why you, along with Eric Cantor and 175 other Republicans, already voted for this exact religious exemption in 2007 — an exemption that was endorsed when it was drafted by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, the Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, and the General Conference of Seventh-Day Adventists. The bill does not force employers or employees who have religious objections to homosexuality to change their views or beliefs. It merely requires that people put their disagreements aside during business hours and exhibit professionalism to their colleagues in the workplace. That’s business as usual — and who loves business more than Republicans?

Speaker Boehner, this is your chance to prove you want to move forward legislation that furthers your party’s values and to show young voters and others who have been turned off by previous Republican antigay maneuvers that you’re not stuck in the past. Bring ENDA up for a vote. If your party really has a problem with the bill, let them voice it — and then let the House take a vote.
Source: http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/11/11/op-ed-dear-john-boehner


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