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Poetry by Merzbau
I used to have a thread or three around here when I was younger, but I think my skills have evolved a bit since then. That's the hope, at least. :) Here's one of my favorite poems I've written lately - it was based loosely on a dream I had, while getting over a friend's death - he's heavily featured in this.
intrusions Stranded in a white boat on a sea of ink, with a rocking lullaby of black waves, I was contemplating, contemplating. The seas parted and a mighty white horn protruded, a great pale seabeast rising. He thrashed in the waves, water rushing from his falls. In the maelstrom, he went for the hit, down, down, jagged up, smash! The great horn impaled my little ship, and water gushed through the hull. We both struggled, as the beast caught his horn in the stern, and I clung for life. The beast broke free and vacated, my ship broken. I clung to its pieces. The lighthouse spun frantically, light turned black. Stillness was upon me. In this monochrome world, I was a floating intrusion of color. There was another boat on the Inky Sea, a chocolate-colored rowboat with oars. At the helm, a little lamp illuminated a captain with a golden set of eyes, that glimmered brighter than the chalky sky. “O captain, my captain!” I announced, and he brought me onto his deck. In the yellow light, I noticed a wound. Gaping flesh hung, scarlet liquid, metal slugs embedded in his muscle. A familiar gash, a dear friend's gash, fatal. He lifted me up, my hand in his, with the first glimpse of land of any night all this long year. |
Wow, knowing a little of the extra context of the poem made me love it even more than I would have otherwise. This was beautiful, and I think your friend would be incredibly proud of you. Not just for the poem, for everything.
Moving right along, I think the last two stanzas were my favourites. They brought everything together beautifully and brought some clarity to the message of the poem. |
This poem has a strong meaning. It's very neat!
And I understand how you feel about your friend. I felt the same way about my brother :cer_frown: . I like how the dark atmosphere in the story turns around to the ship with the single light. Just as Shining Raichu mentioned. It's certainly one of the best free-verse poems I have ever read. Great job! |
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