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-   -   The beautiful grass where pikachu lays (poem) (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=255523)

Greenbeans June 23rd, 2011 10:27 PM

The beautiful grass where pikachu lays (poem)
 
The beautiful grass where Picachu lay

The beautiful mountains that Pikachu climbs

The beautiful battles that Pikachu has

The grass soft and moist from the fresh morning air

The mountains standing bold and tall in the hot afternoon

The epic scene with sparks flying and amasing moves

The beautiful grass where Pikachu lay

Under a fern tree in the meadows.

bobandbill June 24th, 2011 4:20 AM

We have a Poetry subsection for stuff like this...so I'll move this for you there.

I'll also note that you may want to do a bit of proofreading with it, as there's some minor mistakes here and there - e.g.
Quote:

The beautiful grass where picachu lays
Pikachu, and lays doesn't sound right to me either...
Quote:

The Beautiful frass where pikachu lays
And here beautiful is suddenly capitalised and you have frass rather than grass.

Greenbeans June 24th, 2011 10:19 AM

thanks for the advice lol i will edit that right away :D

Yanminator June 24th, 2011 12:17 PM

I think you should replace "lays" with "lay"
The second to last line, "Beautiful" is still capitalized.
And finally, I would assume "Pikachu" should be capitalized at every line, since it used this as a name.

TJgamer June 24th, 2011 3:52 PM

Like they said before, it's a decent poem, but could use a few fixes and edits. And I find how the first half goes into the second half. It's pretty cool.
So, yeah, good job! And, of course, good luck on your future work.

Greenbeans June 24th, 2011 3:57 PM

thanks for the good advice guys i will make some edits on my poem

olih June 25th, 2011 4:51 AM

You still need to correct your punctuation/spelling mistakes. To keep using 'beautiful' is a good idea, but it's a bit redundant. It's an okay poem, and you can make it better by just correcting some simple spelling/punctuation errors.


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