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Those Slaves...
This is going to be a short start, and i allready have an idea for the story, so i hope this fanfic is succesfull, maybe not something huge, but just a nice read for people to enjoy :)
----------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 1: A New Hero? “Get up Shark! Get up! You’ll be late to get your first pokemon!” “But Mom, its only 6 in the morning. I’ll get up in 9 hours!” “Get up right now!” “Fine!” Shark is your average Pokémon trainer. He just turned 12! That’s enough for him to start his new journey as a Pokémon trainer! Just like his neighbor, Brendan. Both ready to head to Professor Birch’s Lab! There they can finally begin their journey by getting their first starter Pokémon! Shark already knows what he’s getting… “OK, Mom, I have my running shoes on! I’m going to the Professors!” “OK, Shark, remember to hold “B” “Fine, Mom” In a dash Shark heads on to the lab. Brendan is already there. “My, you are very late. Anyway, what Pokémon do you want?” says the Professor. “Mudkip please!” So now, shark heads on his journey. His mom told him his first stop would be to go to Oldale town, so he can get something from the route above! Seems there’s someone there to deliver something… Arriving at Oldale Town, Shark see’s a small tree blocking the way into Route 102. “Ugh, how do I get through here?” A stranger approaches. “Here, take this Hidden Machine! It lets you Pokémon cut down trees! But that mudkip can’t learn cut! Here, take a pokeball, and find something else.” Shark ponders. “Something else? I know! The zigzagoons I saw on the way here!” Heading back to route 101, he spots a zigzagoon. “It’s perfect!” ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
There's some things you could work on here I feel - namely considering what parts in the games should translate to a fic and also expanding on what happens as well, but I'll address that as I go.
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I'd suggest some more description here of the main character because beyond his name, the fact he might enjoy sleeping in and that he is 12 - as a note, why is 12 the age here for people to depart on journeys? - we don't know much about his personality nor what he looks like! That makes it hard for us to imagine him. Furthermore the same goes for other characters and the setting as well - say for instance describing how the lab looked like, and how he feels (excited? nervous?) as he goes along Route 102 would make it more interesting to read and also make your story longer as well. At the moment it's basically the bare bones - not much given with what people or places look like, and short conversations - it's not a bad basis but it could use some improvements. I suggest checking out the writing guides (link at the bottom of the rules thread there) and other fics here to see how other people go about it. Quote:
Those are a few things I felt were worth mention - I'd suggest editing before working on a new chapter, but as said you have a basis already to use. |
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