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Poems of Fail
Okay, it's been a while since I wrote poetry. But, I hope that the following poems are at least decent enough that people don't need to hide from...I hope.
Haiku: Spoiler:
Just a basic poem: Spoiler:
Alright, Red's dad wasn't a gym leader. But, still, it would make for an interesting story...right? No? Whatever. ---- So, review. And if they're not too horrible, I might as well keep writing poems! |
The haiku I think is decent - I like the mood captured in it. I would remove the comma after 'laughing' personally however as it reads fine without it imo.
The second poem I didn't like as much as it felt a bit rushed to me...for instance: Quote:
Quote:
The concept is all right (and a time travelling Giovanni? Damn), but I think it could use some editing is all on those points mentioned. |
Thanks for the review!
Although, showing how they reacted is kind of hard, plus keeping rhyme. The basic reaction is shocked speechless. And yes, the first part is a bit contradictory. I might as well change that line to "And he has nothing to lose." -- Alright, here we go again with a new poem! Snowflakes fall, glistening Earth Tender Moon, a woman gives birth The years pass, one by one The baby embraces the Tender Moon, the Smiling Sun -- Alright, next one: Dead, to be blunt Dead, is the runt The corpse, bloodied The soul freed A life lost A terrible cost A man out of time Nightmarish gunshot The results sublime The corpse left to rot A boy named Red A future now dead A dead silence falls Like a shadowy blanket Hushing all and all A boy's fate met Tears drift down Stain the ground A pout and frown Because Of a gunshot sound -- Yes, the second poem in this post is a retelling of the story in the first post. |
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