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Lost
Alright, so here I go...again with poetry.
Poem #1: Lost Spoiler:
Poem #2: Who am I? Spoiler:
Note: School is mispelled purposely to give anyone a clue as to who it might be Poem #3: Waterslide Spoiler:
I will say the ending was a bit dark on that one. But who cares?! -- |
Quote:
As for the other poems: #2 I can't work out (but I think it could be Genosect?) and #3... wow... that's dark. xD |
Can't say I can work out number 2 either - your mention of the 'skool' clue doesn't suggest much Pokemon-y to me so I'm guessing it isn't one but I'm afraid I didn't get the subject. Ah well. It was interesting although I felt the rhyming sounded a bit forced with that poem in that some lines (like the fifth and sixth) didn't feel to match up that well beyond the rhyming-with-each-other aspect. I'd suggest maybe considering 'Loves the thought' as well (rather than Love without the s), and with 'annihalate' I think it ought to be spelt 'annihilate'.
The waterslide poem I quite liked - certainly captured the person's uneasiness about going on the water sldie with the whole preparation part there, and the opening line started it off particular well imo. The ending was certainly a twist I didn't expect - maybe you could have forgone 'dead' at the end as the conclusion is pretty obvious without it after all, I feel, and I would suggest maybe changing 'And...you slide off the side' to 'Then you slide off the side' and hence remove the ellipse as the pause it creates somewhat unsettles the flow, and also removing the pause should make the twist that bit more sudden and surprising. Besides that all in all a nicely pulled poem, imo. |
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