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Cutlerine February 12th, 2013 2:52 PM

A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout
 
Well, hey there, folks. This here is a crazy little experiment of mine, where I'm going to write a story in the style of an old text-based adventure game; I'll set things up, you readers 'input a command', to use the lingo, and the protagonist will react accordingly. I'll rate it 15, for violence, horror and darkness. Although let's hope it also ends up containing some humour as well.

Othodox's actions will be chosen, in the event of conflicting player commands, by me melting them together and picking out the most common themes to create a viable order. If you have further questions about how this works, feel free to ask away.


A Smell of Petroleum Pervades Throughout


You are a Pokémon Trainer named Othodox. This is not out of choice. It is because the word 'Orthodox' sounds cool but is eight characters long.

You aren't quite sure why you're in New Bark Town right now, given that you've been away on a Pokémon journey for the past few months. The details of how you got here are a little fuzzy, but you are in your bedroom in one of the few houses in this middle-of-nowhere town.

To the north is a desk with a computer, an antiquated cathode ray tube television with an attached Wii, and a broad window.

To the south is your bed and your potted tree.

To the east is a wall with your posters, which you rarely get to show off because of the laws of top-down perspective but which are totally awesome.

To the west are a few more posters and the wooden staircase leading down into the other room of your house.

Everything is suspiciously quiet, and your Poké Ball bandoleer is peculiarly light.

What will you do?

And with that, let's get the ball rolling, guys. Commands, anyone? Othodox ain't going to solve anything by himself. Or herself. It's ambiguous.

Adin Terim February 12th, 2013 2:56 PM

Sounds like fun. The obvious choice is to go east and totally check out those posters!

I think Othodox should go north and yell out the window.

Cutlerine February 12th, 2013 3:19 PM

Ordinarily, I would wait longer to allow more people to (potentially) respond, but since this is the very first command of the story, I feel I ought to move on relatively swiftly. Future updates will not occur so quickly.

Also, there's no need to maintain Othodox's gender ambiguity. I did it purely so that readers might decide on it for themselves.


> Go north and yell out the window.

You're beginning to feel slightly spooked by the silence, and decide that the best course of action would be to engage in some vigorous yelling. Since the potted tree is unlikely to respond, you decide to yell out of the window in the hope of attracting a response - and, pleased to have settled on a course of action, you stride confidently over to it and draw the curtains. You suck in a deep breath, and let out the mightiest yell you've ever heard - a yell that echoes out across the boundless forests to the north like the roar of a Tyranitar, like the howling winds that bear Suicune across the face of the earth, like...

Like the ominous wave of silence that washes back over the town as your voice dies in the still air.

You frown. Below you are the trees that mark the northern boundary of New Bark Town, and frankly not much else - your house does not appear to have a back garden. You wouldn't normally expect anything to be there, but somehow today there seems to be... even more nothing there than usual.

Curious.

y stri February 12th, 2013 4:31 PM

Quickly retrieve arms — wait, no, this isn't MS Paint adventures.

Othodox should examine the wall posters, or else they be lost to the all-encompassing top-down perspective.

Daydream February 12th, 2013 5:40 PM

Once Othodox is done examining those posters, he should go downstairs and determine where MOM, and subsequently his money, is.

Astinus February 12th, 2013 9:02 PM

Always have to check to see if there's anything good on the computer!

Then head down the stairs and see if anyone is around to talk to.

psyanic February 12th, 2013 9:33 PM

Grab boots
Kill snake
Throw Egg
Kill giant


Check pants. Gotta know the gender.

Cutlerine February 13th, 2013 2:09 AM

> Check pants. Gotta know the gender.
> Othodox should examine the wall posters, or else they be lost to the all-encompassing top-down perspective.

The best way of dealing with a potential threat is, as you well know, giving yourself a thorough anatomical inspection, and you spit in the face of the ominous silence by stripping down and getting down to business. Only then do you remember that you knew you were a guy already, and this was a complete and utter waste of time. I mean, hell, it's not like you switch between male and female on a regular basis.

You shake your head at your own stupidity and go over to the east wall, where your posters loom before you in all their magnificence. Faded magnificence, now, given that you've been away a while and they've been in direct sunlight all this time, but they're still pretty glorious. There's one for each one of the Elite Four (two for Koga. Ninjas are cool and this is an unalterable fact) and one of Champion Lance as well; there's also one of Red Pastelle, the strange, reticent guy who wanders around desolate parts of the wilderness challenging people to insanely difficult battles with Pokémon upwards of level 80. You've heard it rumoured he only returns to civilisation to sign new merchandising deals.

> Once Othodox is done examining those posters, he should go downstairs and determine where MOM, and subsequently his money, is.
> Always have to check to see if there's anything good on the computer! Then head down the stairs and see if anyone is around to talk to.


Man, you think, those are some pretty sweet posters. You could spend all day staring at them, but there's still the matter of the ominous silence to deal with. After all, normally Mom would've called something inane up to you by now – and you don't even really know why you're back home in the first place. Maybe she could shed some light on the situation.

First, though, the PC. No modern kid's ready to face the world without a little digital courage, and who knows? There might be something good in there; when you started your Pokémon journey, it had a Potion in it for no readily explicable reason.

You boot it up and scroll through the options. Huh. Looks like you have mail. Written on exceptionally disturbing notepaper, but mail nonetheless.

Othodox received one Bloodstained Mail! Othodox put the Bloodstained Mail in the Mail Pocket.

You elect not to dwell too much on the bloodier qualities of the Mail.

As for items, it seems you have two Potions, a Lava Cookie and a Poké Ball. What on earth were you planning to do with that lot? You're an experienced Trainer. You progressed beyond such weak items long ago. Nevertheless, you take them. They might be puny, but you're not going to let them go to waste.

Othodox received some Potions! Othodox put the Potions in the Medicine Pocket.

Othodox received one Lava Cookie! Othodox put the Lava Cookie in the Medicine Pocket.

Othodox received one Poké Ball! Othodox put the Poké Ball in the Balls Pocket.


In putting them in your Bag, you also notice you have a few other items in there.

Inventory:

Bloodstained Mail x1
Potion x2
Lava Cookie x1
Poké Ball x2
Hyper Potion x2
Miracle Seed x1
Shiny Stone x1

Man, that Shiny Stone is shiny. It's difficult to look directly at it, but it seems so desirable. You stare appreciatively at it for a while, neither remembering nor caring where it came from, and then decide that you've done enough dithering. It's time to go downstairs and question Mom.

Oddly enough, the ground-floor room of your house is as deserted as the rest of New Bark appears to be. This is extremely strange, as there's literally nowhere else in the house for your mother to be, given that there are only two rooms, and you've never known her leave the building in all your years. Briefly, you ponder where it is she sleeps, but, as ever, you thrust the thought from your head. Now is not the time to examine the strange logic of the world you live in.

To the south is the exit to New Bark Town's main street.

There is a television here.

There is a refrigerator here.

There is a sink here.

There is table with four chairs here.

Adin Terim February 13th, 2013 9:08 AM

Try and recall what pokemon you had(?) and read bloodstained mail.

Cutlerine February 13th, 2013 11:04 AM

> Try and recall what pokemon you had(?) and read bloodstained mail.

Pokémon. Pokémon. Right, you're a Trainer, so you ought to have Pokémon... Well, you don't have any with you right now, that's for certain, but you're guessing that's because you've come home and didn't need them.

Wait. In that case, how did you make it from Cherrygrove to New Bark?

You stroke your chin pensively. This does not help.

In any case, you remember that you had a Level 71 Feraligatr named Chompy, a Level 64 Ursaring named Teddy, a Level 66 Arbok named Morbo, a Level 62 Skarmory named Bertram, a Level 68 Raichu named Voltz, and a Level 22 Paras named Bugsy that you were power-levelling because that Hypnosis-spamming son of a gun Morty and his Gengar need to be taught a goddamn Spore-based lesson.

None of these Pokémon appear to be anywhere nearby, so, shrugging, you turn to the Bloodstained Mail. Holding it by the corners with the very tips of your fingers so as to touch as little of the hideous gore encrusting as possible, you unfold it and read:

ADVENTURE!
EXCITED!
I love POKéMON!

It's from some girl named Lyra. Who is she, you wonder, and how did she get your email address? Even more importantly, why did she see fit to douse the message in blood before sending it? You lower the Bloodstained Mail, slightly worried about that and the increasing lack of life signs in New Bark Town, when something happens to drive all other thoughts from your head: you hear something hit the front door with a fleshy thump.

And then you hear it gibber.

You freeze.

It seems that there's a little more than nothing out there after all.

You're beginning to regret doing all that shouting.

Daydream February 13th, 2013 5:59 PM

Open the door. But take a chair for defence.

Cutlerine February 14th, 2013 12:01 PM

> Open the door. But take a chair for defence.

Of all the strange ideas that have flitted through your head this morning, this is surely the best. Who cares about the fleshiness of that thump? Or the horror of that gibbering? Or the fact that a moment ago you were about half a second from shrieking in terror? You are a Pokémon Trainer, and Pokémon Trainers care not for danger. You spit in fate's eye and go teach golems to throw rocks at dragons. The very fact that you own a Skarmory, even if he's not currently with you, makes you more than badass enough to deal with whatever lies on the other side of that door.

Still... As you heft the chair and creep over to the door – thump, goes the Unseen Thing – you do wonder whether or not this is the best course of action.

Thump.

Thump thump thump.


Can the thing outside hear you? Is that why it's thumping more – to get your attention?

You reach the door, but realise you can't open the door and hold the chair at the same time, given that the chair is rather large, and also because the door opens inwards. What if the Unseen Thing on the other side lunges through as soon as you open it? You'll have to get the chair from the floor at your side, swing it up and bash the Thing, all within a very short space of time.

You're not sure you want to open the door after all. The Unseen Thing does not share your opinion, if the near-constant stream of meaty thumps is anything to go by.

Well... You are a Pokémon Trainer, you remind yourself. The kind of guy who owns a fifteen-foot long cobra with the power to paralyse with a glance. The kind of guy who voluntarily wanders alone through horrendously dangerous mountain caves without a thought for any kind of safety.

What's one Unseen Thing to you?

You nod to yourself. That's right, you're the goddamn boss and that Thing out there needs to know it.

“Chair, I choose you,” you mutter grimly to yourself, and wrench the door open.

Well.

You know the phrase 'eldritch abomination'? And how you've never had anything to apply it to before?

Yeah, now you have.

The gibbering, hunchbacked beast on the door looks like the hellish result of an experiment wherein someone crossed a crocodile and a man and tried to melt the offspring; its flesh hangs off its body in rolls and loops, dragging on the ground as it moves. It starts with an unspeakable jagged head and ends in a broad flat tail, and as you stare, you see two dim, jaundiced eyes peer myopically out from under its sagging brow, registering that the door is now open. Its taloned hands, held curled under its spongy chest as if in prayer, twitch and begin to creep forwards.

You're going to need a very good idea.

You're going to need it now.

Adin Terim February 14th, 2013 12:40 PM

Try inviting it inside and striking up a conversation.

destinedjagold February 15th, 2013 5:07 AM

Quite an interesting fic you got here. xD
Very interactive :3

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adin Terim (Post 7538798)
Try inviting it inside and striking up a conversation.

LOL I'm interested to see how this goes~ xD

Daydream February 15th, 2013 6:20 AM

If it attacks, as scary monsters are wont to do, sass it with a Buffy-esque one-liner and then kick it in the face.

Cutlerine February 15th, 2013 12:09 PM

> Try inviting it inside and striking up a conversation.

You're pretty sure you need human lips to converse, and this thing doesn't seem to have any – or, if it does, it keeps them in a little bag and takes them out to play with in its spare time. No, conversation seems to be pretty low down on its list of priorities – far below 'eating your face', for instance.

Oh god oh god it's trying to eat your face—

> Quite an interesting fic you got here.

You are left in a position of some considerable torment as the Narrator takes the time to thank one of the voices in your head for its kind words. Man, that guy just hasn't been on your side since he slung a monster at your front door.

> If it attacks, as scary monsters are wont to do, sass it with a Buffy-esque one-liner and then kick it in the face.

It's a little difficult to think of sassy one-liners when fangs stinking of creosote are descending towards your face, but you do your best, knowing that you are a Pokémon Trainer and you have a duty to be awesome.

“Looks like the boot is on the other face!” you yell, and attempt to follow this up with a scissor kick to the head. Unfortunately, the Formerly-Unseen-But-Now-All-Too-Visible Thing interprets this as an offering of lunch, and seizes your foot in its mouth, hauling you off your feet.

As reeking saliva soaks into your trouser leg, you and pants-wetting terror have a brief mental tussle.

Pants-wetting terror is the victor.

Thrashing wildly, you manage to free your foot (though not your shoe) and scramble back through the doorway, slamming the door behind you and jamming the chair under the handle. You climb to your feet, breathing heavily, and check your foot; it doesn't seem too badly injured – you can probably run on it, anyway. Only now do you remember that you're a Trainer, not a warrior. You may be badass, but you do tend to rely on your own monsters to defeat other monsters for you.

You shift your gaze back to the door, a sense of mounting panic growing within you.

Something terrible is happening, of that you have no doubt, and you have nothing to defend yourself with.

There's a snarling hiss from outside and a sudden impact shakes the door from its hinges. Bits of wood fly away from it like knives and the door sprouts a jagged claw that swiftly begins tearing at the panels. You're even less certain than before that conversing with the thing is a good idea, but you're damn sure now that it wants to come in, and since its Horrid Slashing appears to be super effective against Door, it looks like it's going to do so within the next five minutes.

Beep beep. Beep beep.

It looks like your Pokédex fell out of your pocket and opened up when the Formerly-Unseen-But-Now-All-Too-Visible Thing pulled you over by the foot. It's lit up and beeping, which means it's registered something, but right now there's no time to look at it; you scoop it up, stuff it back into your pocket and make it your personal mission to get as far away from the door and the monster outside as possible.

There is a television here.

There is a refrigerator here.

There is a sink here.

There is table with three chairs here.

There is a makeshift barricade here.

Raquira February 15th, 2013 1:08 PM

Go Safari Zone on this thing and throw rocks/food at it until it has a concussion large enough to allow you to catch it.

Adin Terim February 15th, 2013 9:13 PM

Try and sooth the beast with music

destinedjagold February 15th, 2013 11:37 PM

You still have five minutes anyway.
Go head to the fridge and have something to drink to calm your nerves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cutlerine (Post 7540018)
> Quite an interesting fic you got here.

You are left in a position of some considerable torment as the Narrator takes the time to thank one of the voices in your head for its kind words. Man, that guy just hasn't been on your side since he slung a monster at your front door.

You have no idea how I laughed at that. xD

Cutlerine February 16th, 2013 2:53 AM

> Try and soothe the beast with music.

You cannot soothe the beast with music; you have no music with which to soothe it!

> You still have five minutes anyway.
Go head to the fridge and have something to drink to calm your nerves.


Liquid Courage, that's what you need! Getting drunk gave you the bravery you needed for your Championship battle, even if it did get you disqualified when you vomited over Lance's Dragonite. It may help you in this situation, provided you can find some booze.

A quick search of the fridge reveals a Birthday Cake, a Hambone and four Lava Cookies.

You cannot even begin to guess at why.

Othodox found some Lava Cookies! Othodox put the Lava Cookies in the Medicine Pocket.

Othodox found one Hambone! Othodox put the Hambone in the Meat Products Pocket.

Othodox found one Birthday Cake! Othodox put the Birthday Cake in the Confectionery Pocket.


Still no booze. Nor even anything liquid, unless you feel like chipping ice off the shelves and melting it down.

The Formerly-Unseen-But-Now-All-Too-Visible Thing is almost through the door.

> Go Safari Zone on this thing and throw rocks/food at it until it has a concussion large enough to allow you to catch it.

If your Pokédex lit up when it appeared, it's probably a Pokémon, and that means you can do what you do best: catch the hell out of it. And you'd much rather that thing was trying to eat your enemies' faces rather than yours.

Given that your previous ideas included trying to engage the monster in intelligent conversation, this is almost certainly the best idea you've had all day.

You don't, however, have any wish to throw rocks at the monster, since doing so in the Safari Zone tends to make the Pokémon angry, and this thing is definitely angry enough at you already without making things worse. You'll have to make do with food; hopefully, it'll distract it long enough for you to get a Ball in.

Taking up a cautious stance across the room from the disintegrating front door, you check your supplies. You have five items that could reasonably be classed as 'food', and two Poké Balls.

Just two?

Ah. That's... not a whole lot. And that beast definitely doesn't look like it has a high capture rate.

Speaking of which, the door's just fallen off the wall, and a webbed arm is in the process of sweeping the remnants of the chair aside with a blood-curdling snarl.

There is a Formerly-Unseen-But-Now-All-Too-Visible Thing here.

There is an empty refrigerator here.

There is a ruined barricade here.

Raquira February 16th, 2013 7:31 AM

Quote:

Given that your previous ideas included trying to engage the monster in
intelligent conversation, this is almost certainly the best idea you've had all
day.
Success!


Anyway, cartoon logic states that the only food that can properly blind someone is the cake, so throw that then attempt to catch it.

Adin Terim February 16th, 2013 9:41 AM

If the cake fails throw the Hambone, and after the pokeball is thrown and it is trying to escape hold it together in your hands to prevent the Formerly-Unseen-But-Now-All-Too-Visible Thing from breaking out.

TheRkyeet February 16th, 2013 12:42 PM

Check pokedex to find out the weaknesses of the thing. They have those in there, right?
Prepare the television for battle.

Cutlerine February 16th, 2013 2:13 PM

> Check pokedex to find out the weaknesses of the thing. They have those in there, right?
Prepare the television for battle.
> Anyway, cartoon logic states that the only food that can properly blind someone is the cake, so throw that then attempt to catch it.
> If the cake fails throw the Hambone, and after the pokeball is thrown and it is trying to escape hold it together in your hands to prevent the Formerly-Unseen-But-Now-All-Too-Visible Thing from breaking out.

As the beast bursts through the wreckage of the chair, you duck down behind the kitchen counter and flip open the Pokédex, praying that you stay hidden long enough to find out some way of stopping it. You scroll from Chikorita all the way down to Dragonite, but to your consternation, you see nothing new: despite the beeping, the Pokédex doesn't appear to have updated at all. Christ, why did the Narrator have to draw attention to that? It isn't fair, he's made you waste time while the monster gets closer, and now it's probably going to eat you—

You have an idea.

Slowly, stealthily, you rise to your feet, peering up over the counter, trying to see where the beast is. It hasn't moved from the door; its head swings from side to side, perhaps trying to scent you, but the rest of its body is entirely, unnaturally still.

You shiver. This thing creeps the hell out of you.

You really, really hope this next part works.

Reaching quietly into your Bag, you draw out the Birthday Cake and heft it one-handed. It's a weighty affair in pink marchpane, cursive script spelling out an unknown name across its face and delicate curls of cream rounding out the edges. It seems almost a shame to throw it, but you need a diversion if you're going to get anywhere near to catching this thing.

You take a moment to think up your one-liner, then straighten up.

“Happy birthday,” you say coldly, and hurl the cake.

You're no stranger to throwing – all those Poké Balls do wonders for the aim – and it flies straight and true, smacking the fishy abomination right in the face. It roars, ear-splitting in the confined space, and for a moment you almost chicken out, close to ducking back into cover and whimpering like a baby—

But you're a Trainer, you're the guy who screws around with dragons just because, and you vault the counter, sprinting to the TV, and kick the side of it as hard as you can. Blinded by fury and sweet, sweet cake, the monster lunges, jagged jaws lancing through the air towards the noise of cracking plastic—

—and plunges its face through the TV screen.

There is a terrible unearthly shriek.

There is a terrible unearthly silence.

And there is a godawful smell of burnt fish.

When you finally emerge from the foetal position – which you totally assumed to protect yourself from potential flying debris, and not because you were scared out of your pathetic little mind – the monster is lying, cake-bespattered and smoking gently, next to the sparking wreckage of the TV.

Aw, yeah. You are, you realise, possibly the most awesome person in the history of the world.

Like, ever.

In fact, you're halfway through composing an epic ballad in celebration of your worth when you notice the monster's claws have started twitching again, and decide you'd really probably better chuck a Ball at it now. It vanishes in a burst of light, and, deciding that you really don't want to risk this thing breaking out again, you hold the two halves of the Ball together while it shakes. Given that it's currently somewhat fried, the monster doesn't make much of an attempt to resist, and moments later you're holding in your hands what is surely the most kick-ass monster you've ever captured.

Gotcha! The wild Totodile was caught!

Give a nickname to the captured Totodile?


Wait.

Wait just a damn minute.

Totodile?

Raquira February 16th, 2013 3:48 PM

Totodile, huh? There's only one explination: ZOOOMMBIIIEEEEES. That or Team Rocket. Probably zombies.

Daydream February 16th, 2013 5:41 PM

Releasing and examining 'Totodile' is probably not the best of ideas. Do it anyway.

Cutlerine February 17th, 2013 3:21 AM

> Totodile, huh? There's only one explination: ZOOOMMBIIIEEEEES. That or Team Rocket. Probably zombies.

To be honest, you have no idea what's going on. Some futile sense of nationalism says you ought to blame the Rockets, but really, given their decidedly lacklustre attempts to conquer the Kanto/Johto area, they couldn't criminal their way out of a paper bag. If you're going to assign blame based on past exploits, your money's on the Aquas or Magmas. I mean, they're the only ones who've ever actually managed to summon Ancient Evils and set them loose.

Freakin' hippies.

> Releasing and examining 'Totodile' is probably not the best of ideas. Do it anyway.

You nickname Totodile 'That Thing', since that's what you've been calling it so far and it seems to have been doing just fine. Then you set your Pokémon Training skills to the problem of what the hell is happening here.

First up, you pop open the Pokédex and have a look at the entry for 'Totodile', since it was beeping earlier – and yes, as you suspected, it's registered a new form. You see a little picture of That Thing, towering over that of its more familiar little blue variant.

This form appears to have a name.

It is called Eldritch Form.

You swallow. 'Eldritch' is not a comforting sort of word. In fact, when there are beasts that defy the laws of nature slithering around, 'eldritch' is probably the last thing you want them to be described as.

Well. That, and 'titanic'.

The Pokédex also cheerfully reminds you that 'it won't hesitate to take a bite out of anything that moves.'

Gee, thanks for that, Oak.

You look around for a while – at the smashed TV, at the broken door, at the wrecked chair. That Thing has caused about $3000 worth of property damage since it turned up; you're actually kind of glad Mom isn't here, or she'd be chewing you out something fierce.

You take a look at That Thing's Poké Ball. In a process that's either a manifestation of pure evil or just the Narrator screwing with you, the Eldritch Form Totodile appears to be corroding the Poké Ball from the inside, bits of metal and plastic flaking away to reveal spots of oozing black oil. You don't know how long this thing is going to stay captured, but you're pretty sure it isn't going to be more than a couple of hours.

Man, you wish you hadn't wasted your Master Ball on that Skarmory. You wouldn't have done it normally, you really wouldn't. But you know how it is: you're out on Mt. Silver, it's getting late, you can't be bothered to go through that whole lengthy battle process... Screw it, you thought, and lobbed it at him. I mean, it's not like you were ever going to need a Ball that good for anything anyway.

All the self-esteem you gained from that capture is draining away rapidly. You are, you realise unhappily, a Grade A moron.

Well, it looks like you've run out of ways to put this off.

You toss down the ball and step back hurriedly, wiping unrefined oil on your jeans. There's a burst of greasy black light, and That Thing appears. Thankfully, it's still unconscious. Although it's supposed to obey you (you do have all eight Gym Badges) you really don't think That Thing has much respect for the institutions of the League.

And you really don't want to have your face eaten by an eight-foot-long demon crocodile.

Or by anything, really.

You hunker down next to That Thing and have a look. Looks like he's male, Level 5, and dear Lord look at those stats.

125 Attack?

113 Hit Points?

98 Speed?

Oh my God. You are so lucky this guy is only Level 5. If he'd even been Level 10, he would probably have killed you so badly you're not sure you would ever have been born.

That Thing is also holding an Item: Your Right Shoe. Apparently it boosts Speed slightly.

That Thing's moves are:

Scratch (Physical, Normal, 40 Att., 100 Acc.)
Leer (Status, Normal, 100 Acc.)
Face Chomp (Physical, Abominable, 123 Att., 87.5 Acc.)

You blink. OK. So that's pretty weird.

You are really, really glad he never managed to get his teeth into your face.

TheRkyeet February 17th, 2013 7:46 AM

Be content in your victory and swagger out of the house. SWAGGER.
Observe the outside.

Raquira February 17th, 2013 7:50 AM

Well, now we know what That Thing is, we should bring it to a seasoned professor for more research, and then, in the ancient practice of pokemon training, go kill other people's pets with it.

Cutlerine February 17th, 2013 11:43 AM

> Be content in your victory and swagger out of the house. SWAGGER.
Observe the outside.

You know what? Screw the Master Ball thing. Screw the fact that That Thing is probably only going to remain in your possession for a few short hours. Screw your mistakes – you just caught an Eldritch freaking Totodile, and without any Pokémon at that. You'd like to see Lance do that, the smug git... Oh yeah, give him his Dragonite and he'd wipe pretty much anything off the face of the earth, but take it away and he'd be all like “Oh no, don't eat my face!” and That Thing would be like “raaahhhr” and it would totally be about to eat his face when you swept in and saved the day by ramming a television through its head.

You may wish to investigate the cause of these sudden mood swings. They're coming along with alarming rapidity.

Still, secure in the knowledge that you're Officially Awesome, you recall That Thing and swagger out of the house, casting a quick glance around the town. New Bark seems pretty much deserted; the few people who persistently hang around outside have vanished, and there's none of the usual noise emanating from Elm's lab.

To the south are two houses.

To the east is Elm's Pokémon Lab.

To the west is the open sea.

There is a signpost here.

> Well, now we know what That Thing is, we should bring it to a seasoned professor for more research, and then, in the ancient practice of pokemon training, go kill other people's pets with it.

To the lab, then! If anyone knows what the hell happened to make a (relatively) cute little Totodile into That Thing, Elm will. He's the expert around these parts, although Oak has a bad habit of coming in and stealing his thunder at times. You shake your head as you set off for the lab. Poor guy. Oak came in and stole his introductory speech to you, and then he gave you a Pokédex when Elm was just about to do so himself. Elm never says anything about it, but something gives you a feeling that he hasn't forgiven him. The dartboard with Oak's photo over the bullseye probably has something to do with it.

Elm's lab looks much like the two houses to the south, only slightly broader and with two squat chimneys – chimneys that, you recall, don't actually seem to connect to anything inside the building. The door is ajar, and the lab, like the rest of the town, is absolutely silent.

You frown. Perhaps Elm isn't there after all. There might be some clue as to where he went, though – and you remember that there's a PC there, too, where you could heal That Thing (should you be so inclined) and access the Box network.

But still... that silence. It spooks you, man.

You wish you had Voltz with you. A hug from that guy always cheers you up.

Right now, though, you have only That Thing, and he's possibly the only thing you can think of less cuddly than an angry Gyarados. On that discomfiting thought, you gather your courage and creep into the lab.

The line of bookcases stretches across the space, just as before; the storage unit where he keeps the starter Pokémon is there, just as before; the desks, the computers – all of it is there, just as it was before. Everything is completely normal.

Except without any people.

To the north are Elm's desks, with assorted items scattered on them, and the PC with its attached healing machine.

To the east and west are bookcases.

To the south is the exit to New Bark Town's main street.

There may be fewer or no updates over the next four days. I ain't abandoning anything, but I'm going to have precious few chances to write. I'll do my best to keep up, but whether I manage to write anything or not, I'll be back on Friday at the latest. Thanks for playing!

Raquira February 17th, 2013 11:50 AM

Check the proffesor's storge unit. This is probably where That Thing came from,so there might be an Eldritch Cyndaquil and Chikorita for That Thing to beat the puss out of, which may lead to bonding and a less evil eldritch abomination.

Adin Terim February 17th, 2013 3:19 PM

Loot the Professor's desk, look for something to hold That Thing's pokeball shut. Check the bookcases for information on Eldritch form pokemon. You should probably go back and loot the other houses too.

Cutlerine February 18th, 2013 12:43 AM

> Check the proffesor's storge unit. This is probably where That Thing came from,so there might be an Eldritch Cyndaquil and Chikorita for That Thing to beat the puss out of, which may lead to bonding and a less evil eldritch abomination.

Unless you two discover a mutual interest in eating faces, you're not sure anything short of superglue will ever bond you to That Thing, but you're willing to give it a shot. After all, in an ideal world That Thing would be your loyal servant, and you two would travel Johto, having adventures and chewing on bad guys. And he would be the son you never had, and there would be a heartwarming end to the series when you were in mortal danger, and he would conclusively prove he had changed by saving you from certain death at terrible risk to himself...

You snap out of your dream of TV stardom and examine the storage unit. It consists of two roughly circular white plastic segments, connected by a thick tube of bulletproof glass. This glass has been smashed from the inside by something considerably stronger than a bullet.

Of the Poké Balls within, there is no sign.

> Loot the Professor's desk, look for something to hold That Thing's pokeball shut. Check the bookcases for information on Eldritch form pokemon. You should probably go back and loot the other houses too.

You've always wanted all the Professor's awesome stuff, and now you finally have a chance. You are going to loot the hell out of this place, and if anyone asks it was the monsters that did it.

On the desk is a peculiar contraption that looks like a tiny radar dish with some kind of attached plug; a page from a notebook with writing on it; a half-drunk cup of coffee; a key with a Sentret key fob; and a shard of Togepi egg.

Othodox found one Long-Range Scanner Attachment! Othdox put the Long-Range Scanner Attachment in the Technological Gubbins Pocket.

Othodox found one Mysterious Note! Othodox put the Mysterious Note in the Key Items Pocket.

Othodox found one Half a Cup of Cold Coffee! Othodox put the Half a Cup of Cold Coffee in the Caffeinated Drinks Pocket.

Othodox found one Elm's Key! Othodox put the Elm's Key in the Key Pocket.


Othodox found one Togepi Egg Shard! Othodox put the Togepi Egg Shard in the Bits o' Egg Pocket.

Satisfied with your haul, you turn your attention to the bookcases. Huh. You'd always thought they were just painted on as part of the background scenery, but apparently those books are real. You take a look at the spines – The Oak Method, Trainership Theory 101, Totodile: Avoiding the Jaws – but there's nothing there that looks like it deals with the possibility of Pokémon suddenly turning into giant evil versions of themselves.

Actually, the Totodile book looks like it might be kind of useful.

Othodox found one Totodile: Avoiding the Jaws! Othodox put the Totodile: Avoiding the Jaws in the Pokémon Guidebooks Pocket.

You may wish to consider your haul before heading out to loot the other houses.

Raquira February 18th, 2013 7:37 AM

Story time! Lets read the book!

Adin Terim February 18th, 2013 7:43 AM

Read "Mysterious Note" and check your inventory.

Khawill February 18th, 2013 11:49 AM

Let Totodile out and attempt to become best friends with him, and if that doesn't work throw the book at him!

Cutlerine February 19th, 2013 12:15 AM

> Story time! Lets read the book!

You pull out your Totodile: Avoiding the Jaws and flick through the pages. Aside from a huge number of highly graphic images of people with Totodile clamped onto various limbs, there's not a whole lot else to see. There is a small chunk of text which outlines various articles of protective clothing that will go a long way to helping 'your over-enthusiastic little friend', but since That Thing can bite through doors and eats people more from his Endless Fount of Rage than enthusiasm, you're not sure how much help it will be. Still, if you ever see any of the gear mentioned here, you'll be sure to pick it up.

> Read "Mysterious Note" and check your inventory.

The Note appears to be from someone named Hawkins, and it looks like it was meant for Elm. It reads:

Elm,

You weren't in, so I left the Long-Range Scanner Attachment you were after - the one from Bill - with your aide. It's a bit power-hungry, so be careful if you do decide to mount it – once active, it's going to drain the batteries within an hour or two.

Hawkins


An experimental device from Bill? Interesting. This might prove useful, if you can work out what it's meant to do.

Inventory:
Bloodstained Mail x1
Potion x2
Lava Cookie x6
Poké Ball x1
Hyper Potion x2
Miracle Seed x1
Shiny Stone x1
Hambone x1
Long-Range Scanner Attachment x1
Mysterious Note x1
Half a Cup of Cold Coffee x1
Elm's Key x1
Togepi Egg Shard x1

> Let Totodile out and attempt to become best friends with him, and if that doesn't work throw the book at him!

You let That Thing out, and note that he seems to have regained consciousness, though he doesn't look like he feels up to moving around. Even when he sees you, he makes only a half-hearted snap in the direction of your face. That electric shock must have hurt him pretty badly.

“Thing,” you say soothingly, sitting down next to him. “It's time we had a chat.”

That Thing watches you carefully.

“We got off on the wrong foot,” you say. “You broke down my door and stole my shoe, I threw a cake at you and stuck your head in a TV. It's been a difficult relationship.”

That Thing's gaze does not waver, and you think maybe – just maybe – you might be getting through to him.

“I know we've had our differences,” you tell him. “I know things haven't been easy. But... for the sake of finding out what's wrong here... Can't we just go back to the start, and try this again?”

That Thing stares at you with something approaching love in his eyes, and you open your arms to embrace him, and he moves towards you, nuzzling your cheek affectionately—

—no, wait, he's just trying to eat your face.

Damn it!

You whack him with the book, pushing him away, and then recall him. Stupid crocodile.

destinedjagold February 19th, 2013 1:19 AM

try that scanner thing and scan the thing.

Raquira February 19th, 2013 5:42 AM

now that we know That Thing's a jerk through and through, focus on your next task; looting the rest of the houses!

Khawill February 19th, 2013 7:36 AM

After looting the houses, look for a Pokemon center, maybe you can use their machine to heal it!

Adin Terim February 19th, 2013 8:24 AM

See what happens if you give That Thing a lava cookie. Check to see if the Long-Range Scanner Attachment will fit on your pokedex, but you probably shouldn't use it as it said it would drain your battery.

Cutlerine February 21st, 2013 11:32 AM

> try that scanner thing and scan the thing.
> See what happens if you give That Thing a lava cookie. Check to see if the Long-Range Scanner Attachment will fit on your pokedex, but you probably shouldn't use it as it said it would drain your battery.


On second thoughts, perhaps bribery would work better than parley. That Thing doesn't seem to have the intellectual capacity to understand the concept of language, but from the way he looks at you you're willing to bet he understands the concept of food.

You release him again and toss him one of your Lava Cookies. Since it's moving, he bites it, and since his mouth is nearly a foot wide, it vanishes pretty fast.

That Thing pauses. He strokes what might, were he human, pass for his chin.

If you didn't know he was about as smart as the cookie he just ate, you'd swear he was considering the flavour.

In the end, he turns his head to one side and vomits noisily. It is the most foul-smelling thing you have ever encountered, and only the certain knowledge that That Thing would eat you while you were out prevents you from passing out at the smell.

You recall him, and make a vow to never, ever do that again.

Moving to the other end of the room, you take the Long-Range Scanner Attachment out of your Bag and look it over thoroughly. It appears to consist of a little radar dish, a blue LED and a USB stick; this leads you to question whether or not it will do anything but spin around and light up if you plug it in, but this is, of course, the same world where you can create localised time aggregations in your back yard if you really want to, so you look around for something to attach it to and settle on your Pokédex.

Installing device driver software... Please wait.


Stupid Pokédex. Enough computer power to scan an animal, extrapolate its habits from its morphology and compose a dictionary entry on it within seconds – but it still takes forever to install anything.

Several minutes of foot-tapping and frustrated sighing later, the Pokédex announces it's done.

Othodox's Pokédex has been upgraded!

The Radar Mode is now available!


Based on what was in Hawkins' note, you're guessing the Radar Mode will drain the power pretty fast if you leave it on, but you'll never know what it does if you don't at least give it a try. And if it runs out of charge... well, there must be some batteries around here somewhere, anyway.

You tap the new 'Scan' icon that's appeared on the Pokédex screen; on the Scanner Attachment, the radar dish starts twirling on its stalk. An image of a Poké Ball fills the screen, and a radial line sweeps around it once. You grimace. Why scientists feel every single GUI in the world has to be Poké-Ball-themed, you will never know.

The Pokédex displays:

Results:
Two (2) Pokémon found!
One (1) Eldritch Form Chikorita found!
One (1) Eldritch Form Cyndaquil found!


You stare at the screen for a full minute before remembering to turn the radar off.

You don't know what you hoped to see, but this definitely isn't it.

> now that we know That Thing's a jerk through and through, focus on your next task; looting the rest of the houses!
> After looting the houses, look for a Pokemon center, maybe you can use their machine to heal it!


In light of your recent discovery – that there are two more terrifying monsters somewhere in New Bark Town – you elect to heal That Thing before you go out looting. You pop his ball into the healing machine and bring up the requisite program on Elm's PC; a few clicks later and the speakers play a tinny jingle, informing you that That Thing is now fully restored to fighting condition.

That Thing has 113 Hit Points!


With his oil-dripping Poké Ball in hand, you walk cautiously over to the door of the lab, ready to throw it and run at the first sign of trouble. You're really not sure That Thing will obey any orders you give him to attack, but hopefully he'll take the trouble to eat the enemy's face before he comes after yours.

New Bark Town is still as quiet as the grave. Even the omnipresent wind has died down to silence; above the town, the clouds hang motionless in the air and the turbines seem to sleep on their metal pylons. The sun shines. The waves lap.

No birds sing, and your footsteps sound very, very loud as you step onto the sandy path.

You take a deep breath – I have a demon crocodile with me, nothing can hurt me, nothing's going to eat my face – and walk on, avoiding the path and treading as softly as you can. There's a house right in front of you, but the door is around the other side (it's that blasted top-down perspective again) and you have a horrible, horrible feeling that something is waiting on the other side of it.

But there might be stuff there. Stuff you can use to survive, or bolt onto your Pokédex to upgrade it in innovative ways, or build a cunning tree disguise out of so that future eldritch abominations don't see you. Stuff you need.

So you creep on, past the exit to Route 29, and then slink quietly along down the house's wall until you reach the corner. You peer around, and—

—nothing.

You heave a massive sigh of relief. That's the first bit of luck you've had today, and man did you need it. Edging around the corner, you enter the house and give it a thorough combing-over. It's a pretty eclectic bunch of stuff you come away with, but you feel that most of it could probably either be used as a hold item or to make some kind of Dadaist weapon.

Othodox found one Gaffer Tape! Othodox put the Gaffer Tape in the Adhesives Pocket.

Othodox found one Potion! Othodox put the Potion in the Medicine Pocket.

Othodox found one Toy Giraffe! Othodox put the Toy Giraffe in the Adorable Pocket.

Othodox found one Togepi Egg Shard! Othodox put the Togepi Egg Shard in the Bits o' Egg Pocket.


What is with these bits of Togepi Egg all over the place? Surely they can't be part of some gigantic item collection quest, wherein you gather a certain number of them and then obtain Ridiculously Vast Power of some kind? That would surely be stupid.

Far too stupid.

And the Narrator would never have highlighted the possibility like that if it were true, because let's face it, if there's anyone here who actually wants to see you end up lying in a ditch with your face ripped off, it's him.

Shaking your head, you walk out of the house and straight into a pillar of smoke and fire.

Wait.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap—

You leap backwards through the door, and a waist-high something barrels through after you, its humped back trailing gouts of black smoke and unnatural green flame.

A momentary warmth engulfs your lower regions.

Withered claws, scorched fur; seared skin, blistered lips; a stubby blunt tail and a bone blade of a head, all hunched up beneath a roaring, raging emerald inferno and bearing down on you like a charging bull. The stench of crude oil and burning plastic fills your nose, burning your throat, and you gag as you fling yourself out of the monster's way, coming to rest under the table just as it crashes loudly into the far wall.

Flames fan out from the point of impact like ripples around a stone in water, racing with supernatural speed across the wall. You look on with horror, and estimate that there can only be a few minutes before the whole house goes up – something that, frankly, you'd rather watch from outside. Crawling out from under the table, you're about to sprint for the door when a fearsome gurrk sounds behind you.

Something tells you to get to one side.

Now.

A deft side-step and the beast is past you in a blur of green and black. It collides with the remnants of the door and the wood gives way spectacularly, catapulting flaming debris everywhere in glittering arcs and instantly creating a six-foot wall of flame between you and the exit. You skid to a halt, staring at the blaze and swearing violently, and are about to look around for another way out when something else catches your eye.

There's a shadow on the other side of the fire, and it's getting closer, and—

The monster bursts through the flames and stops short in front of you, crouching low and raising that skinless head in a roar that blows the glass out of the TV. Flecks of boiling saliva pepper your face and clothes, singeing a hundred little holes in the fabric, and a dry reek of petrol floods your sinuses.

For a moment, all you can do is stare. Did this thing plan this? Did it deliberately try and trap you here within the flames so it could finish you at its leisure?

Then the monster lowers its head, the flames on its back leaping still higher, and you put the matter from your mind. Right now, you've got other things to worry about.

Like how the hell you're going to get out of this one alive.

Raquira February 21st, 2013 2:11 PM

so the eldritch cyndaquil appears.... That Thing, I choose YOU!!

Daydream February 21st, 2013 4:03 PM

Try and get That Thing to extinguish the flames. He is a Totodile, after all. If he won't do that, hope he'll battle Eldritch Cyndaquil, rather than eat your face?

Adin Terim February 21st, 2013 6:02 PM

If That Thing won't cooperate then douse the eldritch cyndaquil with your Half a Cup of Cold Coffee, if That Thing will then try and beat the monster till it is in a state where you can catch it.

Astinus February 21st, 2013 8:20 PM

Use That Thing in battle, and then run a distance away to see if escape from these horrors is possible.

destinedjagold February 21st, 2013 9:10 PM

Hold your breath, and get the hell outta there. If the door is blocked by debris or whatever, then there has to be windows, right? I mean, it's a house! What kind of a house has no windows?

Cutlerine February 22nd, 2013 3:01 AM

> so the eldritch cyndaquil appears.... That Thing, I choose YOU!!
> Try and get That Thing to extinguish the flames. He is a Totodile, after all. If he won't do that, hope he'll battle Eldritch Cyndaquil, rather than eat your face?
> If That Thing won't cooperate then douse the eldritch cyndaquil with your Half a Cup of Cold Coffee, if That Thing will then try and beat the monster till it is in a state where you can catch it.


Abruptly, you remember the Poké Ball in your hand. It may be about forty percent oil by now, but it's still got That Thing in it – and for that reason it's the best thing you can think of to hurl at the beast before you. You assume that the monster is the Eldritch Cyndaquil, which might give That Thing an advantage, but you also remember he doesn't know any Water-type moves. Still, you're really running out of options here, so you throw down the ball and That Thing appears in a burst of sickly light. It looks like the corrosion is starting to spread through the release mechanism.

Both monsters freeze. That Thing glances at the Eldritch Cyndaquil, then at you. Some ponderous thought is making its slow way through his head. You have no idea what it is, but you really, really hope it isn't 'which of these is easier to eat?'

The Cyndaquil snaps out of it first.

It brings its head up like an axe, swinging the bony jag at its tip straight into That Thing's neck; the Totodile roars in pain and rips himself free, staggering back a step and swinging his massive tail wildly. You take the opportunity to retreat a few steps, huddling down under the table and hoping that both monsters will forget about you until one or the other is dead. In an ideal world, this would happen before you passed out from smoke inhalation and burned to death, but right now you're willing to sacrifice a good deal to see one of these abominations finally destroyed.

That Thing has 100 Hit Points!

That Thing goes for the old favourite next, the face chomp; his huge teeth skitter across the exposed bone of the Cyndaquil's head without purchase, and the smaller Pokémon lets loose an unearthly chittering that sounds horribly like laughter. It looks like the attempt to chew its face has brought That Thing's face far too close to the smoking polyps on the Cyndaquil's back—

A sudden burst of flame engulfs the upper half of That Thing's head, and the smell of burning fish mingles with that of petrol and plastic; he screams, a horrible long loud sound that makes your ears bleed and your eyes water, and pulls away hurriedly, molten grey sludge pouring from beneath the folds and flaps of flesh that conceal his eyes.

Jesus Christ.

The Cyndaquil melted his goddamn eyes.

That Thing drops to all fours, trying to put as much distance between himself and the Cyndaquil as he possibly can; he seems as scared as you are, wailing piteously as the other monster stalks towards him. His limbs apparently aren't doing what he wants them to; his legs keep sliding out from underneath him, and his tail waves from side to side, smashing holes in the walls and floor in blind panic.

That Thing has 88 Hit Points!

For the first time, you take the time to look at the Cyndaquil properly, and you realise with a terrible sinking feeling that it isn't Level 5.

It's Level 10, and you find yourself wondering how much experience an Eldritch Chikorita would give you.

You suspect it would be an awful lot.

That Thing blunders straight into the flames and recoils sharply, screaming again; he might be a Water-type, but water can be boiled – and judging by the grey-green steam hissing out of the holes in his head and neck, that's what's happening inside him right now. As he staggers back, moaning and thrashing in agony, the Cyndaquil is suddenly behind him, burying its head in his flank and wrenching hard—

You close your eyes and look aside as the Totodile shrieks. You've seen enough to know that there's no way That Thing can win this. All you can do now is run while the Cyndaquil's distracted.

That Thing has 29 Hit Points!

> Use That Thing in battle, and then run a distance away to see if escape from these horrors is possible.
> Hold your breath, and get the hell outta there. If the door is blocked by debris or whatever, then there has to be windows, right? I mean, it's a house! What kind of a house has no windows?


You turn around and crawl out from under the table, on the other side. A brief glance around the room reveals a couple of windows, one of which that looks like it's in the process of being melted by the unnatural heat of the green fires. The other seems to have shattered with one or other of the screams and roars the two Pokémon behind you have produced, and looks mostly clear.

You run towards it and don't look back.

As soon as you straighten up, smoke engulfs your head, sending questing tendrils to reach down your throat and choke you; you hold your breath and move on.

Something slaps wetly against the floor, and That Thing gives a weak moan, but you don't look back.

You're by the broken window, and glass crunches beneath your feet, slicing through your shoeless right foot; the smoke whirls dizzily and the flames crackle hungrily and something is chewing behind you but you refuse to look back.

And up, and your hands are cut to ribbons by bits of glass and the smoke is pouring past you in nauseating waves and That Thing is still crying out even as the chewing continues but there is no way, no way in hell that you are looking back.

And then it's over. You're standing outside the house, by the main path. Smoke is pouring from the windows, and all you can hear is the devouring hiss and snap of flames as they and their master feast inside.

Othodox is Slightly Wounded!


To the north is Elm's Pokémon lab.

To the south is a Flaming Townhouse.

To the east is another house, and the sea.

To the west is the exit to Route 29.

There is a signpost here.

There is a partially-devoured corpse here.

Raquira February 22nd, 2013 7:23 AM

Run! Run like to he nearestt PC, withdrawour pokemon, and witcdraw your strongest pokemon! Or else you'll die!

TheRkyeet February 22nd, 2013 8:57 AM

Well, you'll need a pokemon centre to withdraw pokemon from, so I suggest first reading the signpost, and then going towards the sea, and the other house. You probably can't swim, but there'll definitely be something interesting in the house. Also, what's with the partially-devoured corpse?

Cutlerine February 22nd, 2013 11:32 AM

> Run! Run like to he nearestt PC, withdrawour pokemon, and witcdraw your strongest pokemon! Or else you'll die!
> Well, you'll need a pokemon centre to withdraw pokemon from, so I suggest first reading the signpost, and then going towards the sea, and the other house. You probably can't swim, but there'll definitely be something interesting in the house. Also, what's with the partially-devoured corpse?


You really didn't need to be told to run.

You are limping away from that house as fast as you possibly can, leaving half a set of bloody footprints in the grass and wholly focused on getting the hell away from the monster in the house behind you. It is the single most terrifying thing you have ever seen in your entire life, and you were there when the red Gyarados went on the rampage at the Lake of Rage. That Thing is quite big, so it might take it a while to eat it, but taking risks with the Cyndaquil is the very last thing you want to do right now.

If the voices in your head had been paying more attention, they would have noticed that there is a connection to the Box network nearby – in Professor Elm's lab, no less. His work naturally demands that he be able to transfer Pokémon around the nation, since he is engaged in Vital Research (or was, before he and everyone else here disappeared).

As this fact comes back into your head, you pause and grin. Oh yes. Screw running. You can just waltz over to the PC, grab Chompy et al and come on back for some vengeance. It might be able to take down That Thing, but you'd love to see the Eldritch Cyndaquil take on six of Johto's finest at full strength.

You positively swagger back into Elm's lab, and stride down the aisle with an air of supreme confidence. This is only slightly dented by the visible blanching of your face as you pass the puddle of vomit, and you reach the PC with your features carefully rearranged into an expression of calm power. (You learned that one from Lance. Honestly. Give a man a handful of dragons and he thinks he's God's gift to the world.)

Dropping comfortably into Elm's seat, you thumb the power button and wait for the computer to boot up. It takes a moment, but soon enough—

Access to Laboratory Boxes restricted.
Username:
Password:


Aw, crap.

You stare at the screen, unable to quite believe the extent of the Narrator's malicious nature. Seriously? He put you through hell, he got your only Pokémon eaten alive, he let you come all this way with such high hopes, and now...?

You slump in the chair, head hung. No Pokémon. It looks like you're on your own.

Well, all right. You took out That Thing on your own, didn't you? And sure, he was weaker than the Cyndaquil, but still. You weren't even expecting any eldritch abominations when he turned up, and you managed.

You may well have a chance, if you play your cards right.

And so far, 'playing your cards right' has meant examining and looting absolutely everything, so doing that seems to be a pretty good idea.

You head back out of the lab and investigate that signpost. It reads, as it always has:

NEW BARK TOWN
PH'NGLUI MGLW'NAFH CTHULHU R'LYEH WGAH'NAGL FHTAGN

Wait, what?

You blink, and read it again.

NEW BARK TOWN
THE TOWN WHERE WINDS OF A NEW BEGINNING BLOW

Huh. You must have imagined it.

Next up, you investigate the corpse. It's just about as near to the Flaming Townhouse as you care to go, and it looks like it was mutated, burned and eaten, not necessarily in that order. It also looks like, underneath all that, it was once something more recognisable.

Looks like you found the Eldritch Chikorita. No prizes for guessing who got to it first.

The Cyndaquil must have killed it while you were in the house looting things. You wonder why you didn't hear it, and decide it must have been at the point that you were trying to tip over the refrigerator to see if there was anything behind it. There wasn't, but it did make a good noise.

Actually, now you think about it, that noise was probably what attracted the Cyndaquil's attention. You resolve to loot more stealthily from now on. No less enthusiastically – but definitely a bit more sensibly.

You creep quietly east to the bay, squeezing an uncomfortable amount of blood from your foot as you do so, and investigate to see if there's anything worth taking here. Everything looks pretty much as it normally does: cliffs, trees, sea. There's not much of interest here, but you do decide to pause and pull the shards of glass out of your foot and hands.

Othodox found some Glass Shards! Othodox put the Glass Shards in the Items Pocket.

Othodox is Slightly Wounded and Losing Blood!


Ouch. It feels better, but you aren't exactly in tip-top condition right now. You wish you'd thought to get your shoe back from That Thing before sending him to his death. Although how willing he would have been to relinquish it is a matter of some conjecture.

You consider swimming across the channel to Kanto, then dismiss the idea as stupid. You aren't a strong swimmer, and the waves here are powerful; you have no desire to be smashed into a cliff, knocked out and drowned. It sounds like a more comfortable death than being burned and eaten alive, as has befallen the Eldritch Cyndaquil's last two victims, but at least in New Bark you're only In Direst Peril, while in the sea you would probably be Facing Certain Death.

There remains only one place in town that you haven't checked yet: the house south of your own. Given what happened last time you entered a house, you're a little wary about going in, but you don't seem to have many other options, and leaving any location unlooted is unthinkable. You've never really done much looting before, beyond rummaging through people's trash (and let's face it, that's so much less glamorous that it doesn't even deserve to be called looting) and you're quite enjoying being able to walk into people's houses and steal everything that isn't nailed down.

You enter the house in a state of excited trepidation and take a swift, silent tour of its valuables.

Othodox found one Bulging Wallet! Othodox put the Bulging Wallet in the Financial Pocket.

Othodox found some Lava Cookies! Othodox put the Lava Cookies in the Medicine Pocket.

Othodox found one Rare Bone! Othodox put the Rare Bone in the Items Pocket.

Othodox found one Packet of Sticking Plasters! Othodox put the Packet of Sticking Plasters in the Medicine Pocket.


Where did all these extra pockets on your Bag come from, again? The damn thing looks like a bunch of balloons with all of them attached like that.

TheRkyeet February 22nd, 2013 12:45 PM

Eat a lava cookie and use the plasters. You don't want to lose too much blood. Look in the wallet too. Money is good.

Adin Terim February 22nd, 2013 12:46 PM

You should probably look at your still bleeding foot, try washing it out with some of the potion. Try ripping the Toy Giraffe apart so you can bandage your wound and then use the Graffer Tape to tape it to your foot. Hopefully that will act as a shoe replacement.

Cutlerine February 22nd, 2013 1:20 PM

> Eat a lava cookie and use the plasters. You don't want to lose too much blood. Look in the wallet too. Money is good.
> You should probably look at your still bleeding foot, try washing it out with some of the potion. Try ripping the Toy Giraffe apart so you can bandage your wound and then use the Graffer Tape to tape it to your foot. Hopefully that will act as a shoe replacement.


So far this morning you have woken to an empty world, taken a footful of broken glass, and fought with unmentionable horrors – twice. It is most definitely time for breakfast.

You eat a Lava Cookie and ponder, in an absent sort of way, why That Thing threw up when he ate it. I mean, it's delicious. Presumably he can only digest meat. Or could only digest meat, since right now you're fairly sure he can no longer digest anything at all.

That done, you wash out your wounds with the Potion – which burns like tequila and seems to peel off three layers of dead skin, leaving your hands and foot cleaner than they have ever been in your life – and stick plasters haphazardly over your wounds until they're more or less covered.

Othodox is Slightly Wounded and Mostly Not Bleeding!

Man, you are such an excellent surgeon.

Next, you turn your attention to your lack of a right shoe. Time to put some of those items you looted to good use.

You wrap a short length of your Gaffer Tape around the larger end of a particularly dangerous-looking Glass Shard, then cut open the Toy Giraffe and insert your foot into it. You then tape it up again and stand up hesitantly.

Amazingly, it seems to work.

Othodox crafted one Dangerous Makeshift Knife! Othodox put the Dangerous Makeshift Knife in the Weapons Pocket.

Othodox crafted one Novelty Giraffe Shoe! Othodox put the Novelty Giraffe Shoe on his foot.


You take an experimental step. Your right foot is now slightly higher up than your left, but it's a hell of a lot better than it was five minutes ago.

You feel like Thomas Edison.

Raquira February 22nd, 2013 1:53 PM

run (or limp) to Cherrygrove, and try and recall your pokemon.

Adin Terim February 22nd, 2013 3:10 PM

Look for berries on route 29

destinedjagold February 22nd, 2013 5:27 PM

Well, you've wasted enough time there already, so head to Cherrygrove City, but grab something to defend yourself...just in case.

Khawill February 22nd, 2013 8:55 PM

Realize that the cyndaquil is now stronger because he beat both other Pokemon, realize that he is probably still hungry (and you are the only food), and finally feel guilty for making That Thing throw up his last meal, before becoming a meal.

Cutlerine February 23rd, 2013 3:40 AM

> Realize that the cyndaquil is now stronger because he beat both other Pokemon, realize that he is probably still hungry (and you are the only food), and finally feel guilty for making That Thing throw up his last meal, before becoming a meal.

This had actually occurred to you before. The Cyndaquil is obviously smarter than the others, as evidenced by its ability to formulate complex plans and laugh evilly at the pain of its opponent, and it also seems to be a pit of ravening hunger, since it still had room for an eight-foot crocodile after eating most of a herbaceous dinosaur. In addition, the Chikorita must have given it enough experience to rise to Level 10, which means that That Thing will have given it even more experience, and it must now be close to (if not actually at) evolution point.

There is also nothing edible left in town except for you.

If you could feel more terrified, you would.

There's the guilt, too. You've never sent anything or anyone to their death before, and even though That Thing was an unmentionable horror from beyond the realms of normal reality, you do feel a little bad for turning him into psycho hedgehog food.

For about ten seconds, anyway. I mean, it was probably for the best. He was uncontrollable, bad-tempered and made no secret of his eventual plans to tear your face off and eat your innards. You honestly don't miss him a bit, except as a useful shield to place between yourself and oncoming monsters.

> Well, you've wasted enough time there already, so head to Cherrygrove City, but grab something to defend yourself...just in case.

You've spent several hours here and your life is rapidly going from bad to worse; there's a terrifying monster after you, everyone has disappeared, you have no Pokémon and your grip on reality seems to be loosening by the second.

It is most definitely time to leave town.

You creep cautiously past the Flaming Townhouse, and, feeling nervous, pull your Dangerous Makeshift Knife out of your Bag as you do so. You'll probably get killed before you manage to even scratch the Cyndaquil, but it makes you feel a little less defenceless.

You reach the path that leads out onto Route 29 and, with one last, lingering look at your hometown, leave.

After all, there isn't much time for sentimentality when home is full of monsters.

> run (or limp) to Cherrygrove, and try and recall your pokemon.

Route 29 looks as it always does: verdant pastures; broad, sloping hills; tiny, unexpected cliffs; and gently-waving fields of tall grass.

Ah. The tall grass.

You stare at it for a while. If New Bark Town was so dangerous, and the tall grass is where monsters are meant to live... what the hell might be lurking in there?

For a moment, all you can do is think of hordes of Eldritch Rattatta swarming over your still-screaming body – and then you glance back, and see the green flames leap to the next house with a gleeful crackle. Whatever is in the grass, it can't possibly be as bad as what's back there, waiting in the burning shell of New Bark.

And anyway, soon it will finish eating That Thing, and search for more food.

Which means that it will be leaving town for Route 29.

You don't want to be here when that happens, so you steel yourself, grip your Dangerous Makeshift Knife so hard you almost cut yourself, and plough on through the tall grass.

Whether it's because you still smell of blood, petrol and burning plastic or simply because you're wielding a knife, nothing immediately attacks you, and as you head south down the winding trail that will eventually take you to Cherrygrove and the amenities of a Pokémon Centre it becomes apparent that there is very little life around. The birds are as silent here as they were in New Bark Town, and there's no rustling to indicate the passage of Sentret or fieldmice. Perhaps the weaker Pokémon and the animals have disappeared like all the humans apparently have – or perhaps they've fled, afraid of whatever horrendous evil has fallen over the region.

You're not actually sure which explanation is less terrifying, so you elect to ignore both and hope for the best.

> Look for berries on route 29

You know there's a Berry Tree near the Cherrygrove exit of the Route. Or is it an Apricorn Tree? You can never quite remember. Either way, it's lootable, so you make a mental note to stop by and pick some fruit when you pass by.

You reach the end of the first grassy patch and turn right; now you breathe easier, knowing that on this plain of short grass, you'll be able to see anything coming at you. Just ahead of you is where Tuscany used to stand, by that tree over there. She gave out Pink Bows, you remember, until they stopped making them and she resorted to TwistedSpoons instead. What did she do on the other days of the week, anyway? Perhaps she had a job.

You feel melancholy, and somewhat philosophical. There is so much about the people here that you did not know, and never will now.

North again, up the hill, and now there's a choice between more long grass and a skinny tree. Since core gameplay mechanics appear to have become somewhat skewed of late, you attempt to squeeze past the tree and are surprised at your success.

Take that, HM01.

To the north is the gatehouse leading to Route 46.

To the south is the way back to New Bark Town.

To the west is the path to Cherrygrove City.

To the east is a fearsome and unearthly howl of hunger.

Raquira February 23rd, 2013 7:38 AM

Head to cherrygrove as fast as your wounded leg can carry you.

TheRkyeet February 23rd, 2013 8:13 AM

East. Go east. Definitely east.

Adin Terim February 23rd, 2013 9:41 AM

Go loot the gate house before continuing on to Cherrygrove

Khawill February 23rd, 2013 10:47 AM

There could be something to loot in the east, go east

Cutlerine February 23rd, 2013 12:25 PM

> East. Go east. Definitely east.
> There could be something to loot in the east, go east


It's been a while since you did anything suicidal, so you figure it's about time to go and investigate the terrifying sound coming from your right. You walk through a little field towards the edge of one of the tiny cliffs, look over the edge, and see—

—the Eldritch Cyndaquil standing between the trees that flank the path out of New Bark, head thrown back, the last of its howl dying on what pass for its lips.

You realise with a growing sense of your own stupidity that while the path back to New Bark Town is to your south, the cliffs to the east also lead back to it. Damn it, the Narrator was just abusing the text-based format to screw with your expectations again.

You no longer hold out any hope of looting anything to the east.

> Go loot the gate house before continuing on to Cherrygrove
> Head to cherrygrove as fast as your wounded leg can carry you.

Beating a hasty retreat, you duck briefly into the gatehouse but find very little other than the guard's spare hat.

Othodox found one Squat Green hat! Othodox put the Squat Green Hat in the Questionable Headgear Pocket.

After that, you hurry on to Cherrygrove, stopping only to pluck a Green Apricorn from the tree near the route's end. Huh. So it was an Apricorn tree.

Othodox found one Green Apricorn! Othodox put the Green Apricorn in the Apricorn Box.

Apart from the brief interruption by the Cyndaquil, your journey is as silent and uneventful as ever. You pass through the Cherrygrove gatehouse, and enter Cherrygrove City.

To the north is a Pokémon Centre, a Pokémon Mart and the path to Route 30.

To the south is a house.

To the west are two more houses, and beyond them the ocean.

To the east is the gatehouse leading to Route 29.

There is a signpost here.

There are beauteous flowers here.

Adin Terim February 23rd, 2013 12:42 PM

Take a little time to relax, go smell the flowers. Then go loot the Pokemon Center and see if you can access Bill's PC

Raquira February 23rd, 2013 2:16 PM

YOu know who we hven't visited in a while? Mr. Pokemon. So, after withdrawing your pokemon, head to go see him.

Khawill February 23rd, 2013 2:49 PM

You seem down, definitely go roll in the flowers to boost your moral. Also you need to be limber just in case you get attacked, do some squats

Astinus February 23rd, 2013 8:02 PM

Check the Pokemon Center to see if you can access your Pokemon, then loot the houses. Maybe you can find a new pair of Running Shoes...?

OOC: I'm glad Orthodox can handle complex text commands.

Cutlerine February 24th, 2013 5:50 AM

> You seem down, definitely go roll in the flowers to boost your moral. Also you need to be limber just in case you get attacked, do some squats
> Take a little time to relax, go smell the flowers. Then go loot the Pokemon Center and see if you can access Bill's PC

FLOWERS OHMAHGERD FLOWERZ

The sight of so much beauty after the horror of New Bark drives you mildly insane for a few minutes. When you come to your senses, you are lying (minus most of your clothing) in one of the Cherrygrove flowerbeds, flowers woven into your hair and a deeply contented smile on your face.

Much refreshed and slightly embarrassed, you put your clothes back on and get up. You leave the flowers on your head, though. The bright colours and the soft scents it emanates are a decent morale-booster.

Othodox found one Flowery Wreath! Othodox put the Flowery Wreath on his head.

So energetic do you now feel that you engage in a few squats, which a stabbing pain in your foot swiftly informs you is a bad idea. This reminder of the holes in your foot is somewhat disheartening, but a quick sniff of the fragrant perfumes of the Flowery Wreath soon puts paid to that.

Feeling happy once more, you wander into the Pokémon Centre – which is, unsurprisingly, deserted – and sit down before the PC. You boot it up, access Bill's PC and wait for the Boxes to load.

At last, you think. At last, I've got a break.

Then the Boxes load, and you stare in horror.

Your team is gone.

In fact, most of the Pokémon you've collected are gone. In their place are strange, blocky lumps of data that don't make any sense – their names random collocations of letters and numbers, their movesets picked according to no logic you've ever heard of. Grey squares criss-crossed with blue and pink lines, orbs of static with peculiar red faces – it all seems to be gone.

The unthinkable must have happened.

The Box Network, the most heavily-protected computer system in the entire world, has crashed.

There are entire islands dedicated to making this thing run, you know. There are people the world over – Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, even the freaking Sevii Islands – working eighteen hours a day to keep the system running and free from corruption and hackers.

Then it hits you: they've all disappeared. It stands to reason; everyone else has. Everyone who was keeping the Box Network running has disappeared, and without them...

The whole damn thing has crashed.

You stare at the screen for a while. Gone. They're gone. Nearly seventy levels, eight Gym Leaders, four Elites and half the Championship battle together, and now...

Gone. All of them.

Maybe forever.

Chompy. Teddy. Morbo. Bertram. Voltz. Bugsy.

Gone.

It's some time before you're able to carry on; you're not sure how long, exactly, but the digital clock on the PC screen tells you it's now 2.43. You wipe away the tears, offer a brief and clumsy prayer to the Players, those strange and capricious gods, to ask that your friends go on to a better place, and take another look at the PC screen.

The blocks of bad data don't seem to be interactable – you can't even click on them; the cursor just judders and slows whenever it goes near them. You leave them alone and keep scrolling.

Box 1, nothing. Box 2, nothing. Box 3, nothing. Box 4, noth— something.

It looks like an Egg, but not like any you've seen before. The surface is a dark, smoky grey, shot through with ash-coloured swirls that crawl across its surface like sluggish clouds. You squint, and can just about make out the faint shaking that shows it's viable.

You try to click on it, and to your surprise you can.

Its name is 'Bad Egg'.

A slow smile of incredulity creeps across your face.

You've heard of these. When the Players meddle in the affairs of mortals, they often create these: eggs belonging to no known species, which are capable of hatching into any known species of Pokémon – and occasionally other things, rumoured creatures that stalk the cracks in reality. Did the Players hear your prayer and take pity on you? Or did the scrambling of the Box Network somehow generate one at random?

You aren't certain, but you are certain you're taking that Egg before the broken Box destroys it.

Othodox received one B4d 3gg!

Holding the Bad Egg up to the light, you see that it warps reality around it; it reaches deep into the underlying code of the universe and twists it, twisting the fabric of space and time with every pulse of its unseen occupant's heart. With this thing in your hands, you feel 133t.

You frown. Maybe you shouldn't be waving it around too much. You don't want your h4nd5 w4Rp1ng.

The baD eG9 was sent to a Poké Ball.

A search through the rest of the Boxes turns up precisely nothing, but you don't mind so much now. You own a freaking Bad Egg. That's more luck than you've ever seen in one go in your entire life.

Othodox will periodically check the status of the b4D EgG without being asked.

> YOu know who we hven't visited in a while? Mr. Pokemon. So, after withdrawing your pokemon, head to go see him.

You don't feel comfortable leaving Cherrygrove unlooted, but you resolve to go investigate his house when you next pass by. Elm always said he used to collect weird stuff. Maybe some of it will be useful now.

> Check the Pokemon Center to see if you can access your Pokemon, then loot the houses. Maybe you can find a new pair of Running Shoes...?

Feeling jauntier, you take a deep sniff of your Flowery Wreath and head out into town. First up is the Guide Gent's house, since he usually has a stockpile of items to hand out to new Trainers; inside, you find a cupboard filled with hundreds and hundreds of shoeboxes, each of which contains a brand-new pair of Running Shoes.

You consider taking some, but it's not like you can't run without them, and you're really beginning to enjoy the feeling of cotton fluff beneath your feet. In fact, if you can find another stuffed animal, you'd seriously consider replacing your other shoe.

The voices in your head may be starting to get to you.

The next house, a carbon-copy of the Guide Gent's and every other house in Johto, contains nothing living, but you obtain a sizeable haul of random crap. Huzzah!

Othodox found some Lithium Batteries! Othodox put the Lithium Batteries in the Electrical Goods Pocket.

Othodox found one Stylish Dress! Othodox put the Stylish Dress in the Eveningwear Pocket.

Othodox found one Stale Baguette! Othodox put the Stale Baguette in the Baked Comestibles Pocket.

Othodox found one Boxed Wine! Othodox put the Boxed Wine in the Booze Pocket.

Othodox found some Machine Pistol Magazines! Othodox put the Machine Pistol Magazines in the Ammo Pocket.

Othodox found one Beauteous Ring! Othodox put the Beauteous Ring in the Jewellery Pocket.

Try as you might (and try you do; it would be very, very useful), you can't find the gun that goes with those bullets. Perhaps it's somewhere else.

As you step out onto the streets of Cherrygrove, you hear something scream on Route 29. It's not human, thankfully; you'd hazard a guess at a Sentret or Furret, although it sounds far too loud to come from such a small animal. You shiver and move on, heading for the westernmost house, the one on the beach.

A plume of sickly smoke is rising from Route 29.

It looks like someone's already been through here: the table and chairs are smashed and piled up against the windows, and the stuffing has been torn out of the sofas and strewn across the floor. The paintings lie scattered and torn on the ripped-up carpet, and a puddle of water is growing around the broken sink.

Perhaps you could find something if you searched through the junk, but you're a little alarmed at the savage nature of the redecoration here. It looks like the work of some kind of animal – and every animal you've met today has been huge, mutant and intent on murdering you.

Raquira February 24th, 2013 6:40 AM

Run around in a circle until the egg hatches.Don't want to be unprotected in the wilderness

Ragnia February 24th, 2013 7:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raquira (Post 7552407)
Run around in a circle until the egg hatches.Don't want to be unprotected in the wilderness

How about we walk,don't want to lose anymore precious blood or stamina, around in a circle until either the egg hatches or you hear signs of an unhappy animal.

Khawill February 24th, 2013 8:26 AM

After walking in circles, put on the dress and drink all the boxed wine. If anyone is alive and looking for survivors, they are more likely to trust a drunk guy in a dress! (The narrator had to mention the dress for a reason, maybe it is magic as well?)

Adin Terim February 24th, 2013 9:51 AM

You should probably go down route 30 so you can loot Mr Pokemon's house and that berry guy's house. Look for berries along the way. Maybe you can climb over the ledges to avoid the grass.

DaveyBouge February 24th, 2013 10:34 AM

Cleaning the place up a bit would be nice. Someone has put a lot of effort into making that house a home and they'd be pretty mad to return to it in this state. That's if they're not poke-food.

Cutlerine February 24th, 2013 12:21 PM

> Cleaning the place up a bit would be nice. Someone has put a lot of effort into making that house a home and they'd be pretty mad to return to it in this state. That's if they're not poke-food.

This is possibly the kindest voice in your head you've heard today. The others have suggested acts of looting, violence and general postapocalyptic mayhem; this one, however, strikes you as more of a conscience than a malign symptom of schizophrenia.

You make an attempt to tidy up the place, sweeping the stuffing fragments into one pile and the fragments of wood and steel into another. The paintings you tape together with some more of your Gaffer Tape, and stick back onto the walls. There isn't much you can do about the puddle by the sink, but you cut up the Squat Green Hat, squish it into a plug and stuff it into the pipe to stop the flow.

You take a few steps back and survey your handiwork. It's not quite home, but it's definitely not a wrecked hovel any more, either. It's then that you notice the little piece of black plastic protruding from under one of the sofas.

Othodox found one Powerless Tablet Computer! Othodox put the Powerless Tablet Computer in the Electrical Goods Pocket.

It looks like it needs charging up, but you can't find a charger anywhere.

>Run around in a circle until the egg hatches.Don't want to be unprotected in the wilderness
> How about we walk,don't want to lose anymore precious blood or stamina, around in a circle until either the egg hatches or you hear signs of an unhappy animal.


You go outside and run around for a while, but it doesn't appear to have much effect on the Bad Egg. Given how prevalent scripted events seem to be nowadays, you suspect it's probably going to hatch fortuitously at some critical point in the future, and that nothing you do is going to change that.

>After walking in circles, put on the dress and drink all the boxed wine. If anyone is alive and looking for survivors, they are more likely to trust a drunk guy in a dress! (The narrator had to mention the dress for a reason, maybe it is magic as well?)

This is the single best idea you have had all day.

You take off your clothes, stuff them into your Bag and slide into the Stylish Dress instead. As you suspected, it's a perfect fit.

You feel extremely pretty, and after the whole three-litre box of wine, you feel even prettier. You are also having some difficulty standing, and in fact doing anything other than vomiting copiously into the surf.

Not onto your dress, though. That's far too nice to spoil.

As you straighten up, wiping your mouth on the remnants of the Squat Green Hat, you notice that the smoke over Route 29 is much, much closer.

It looks like Cyndaquil's hunger is driving it closer still.

You are feeling unpleasantly sober again.

> You should probably go down route 30 so you can loot Mr Pokemon's house and that berry guy's house. Look for berries along the way. Maybe you can climb over the ledges to avoid the grass.

You decide wisely that now is the time to leave town, and, Dangerous Makeshift Knife in hand, you walk out to the north, heading onto Route 30. There is a ledge in front of you, and the slope that circumvents it is covered in tall grass. For a moment, you contemplate climbing the ledge to avoid the grass, but realise that there are two problems with this. One, it's slightly too high and there are no handholds; two, any climbing will assuredly ruin your Stylish Dress, and that cannot be allowed.

You're becoming more and more comfortable in this thing, actually. Why on earth haven't you tried this before? You've been missing out for years.

As on Route 29, nothing comes for you in the long grass, and you wonder if anything's even left. Have the Pokémon all vanished? You suppose you could check with the Pokédex's Radar Mode, but you're hesitant about using that without the approval of the voices in your head.

Once you reach the top of the grass, the path forks around a lone house. There was a ledge on the left, you remember, but it looks like there was some kind of massive fight at the top, and a tree has fallen from above to provide a way up.

To the left is a fallen tree leading to the continued path.

To the right is a patch of long grass leading north between trees and a pond.

In the centre is a fruit-bearing tree and a Lonesome House.

Raquira February 24th, 2013 1:25 PM

Hide in the pond. i'd like to see thatbeast catchwater on fire! There might even be a pokemon in there to use as a meatshield against the beast.

Ragnia February 24th, 2013 2:19 PM

Save your gam-I mean life, yeah that's it...life. If something bad happens and you end up dead, you need a place to start back up from, right?

Adin Terim February 24th, 2013 2:32 PM

Check out the fruit-bearing tree and go loot the Lonesome House

Khawill February 24th, 2013 2:42 PM

Collect exactly 67 rocks to throw at the cyndaquil just in case. (No more, no less)

Cutlerine February 25th, 2013 11:01 AM

> Hide in the pond. i'd like to see thatbeast catchwater on fire! There might even be a pokemon in there to use as a meatshield against the beast.

You look at the pond. It looks wet in there, and if you hide in it you too will probably become wet. This will be neither comfortable nor good for your Stylish Dress (to say nothing of your Flowery Wreath), and unless there's actually something around for you to hide from, you'd rather not go that far.

> Collect exactly 67 rocks to throw at the cyndaquil just in case. (No more, no less)

You try, you really do, but you can only find twelve.

Othodox found some Rocks! Othodox put the Rocks in the Items of Geological Interest Pocket.

> Save your gam-I mean life, yeah that's it...life. If something bad happens and you end up dead, you need a place to start back up from, right?

Error: code 92, invalid command. For further assistance, including a list of some common commands, type /help.

> Check out the fruit-bearing tree and go loot the Lonesome House

The tree contains one Berry, which confuses you because you thought they'd gone extinct and been replaced with Apricorn trees. Putting this comparatively trivial issue to one side, you enter the Lonesome House and are only mildly surprised to find it completely empty. Not just of people, mind – that wouldn't be surprising at all – but of everything else, too. It has four walls and a floor, and that's it: every single article of furniture, decoration and miscellaneous rubbish has been meticulously removed.

Someone has been here before, and they were either a God of Looting or certifiably insane.

Raquira February 25th, 2013 11:03 AM

Go and find this God Of Looting, and beg to be his apprentice. he is one to look up to.

Adin Terim February 25th, 2013 1:07 PM

Become a God of Looting, you are probably insane anyway ... Try and take the walls.

You should probably leave the Lonesome House and go up the path next to pond.

Khawill February 25th, 2013 3:14 PM

Carve into a tree or sign "Food this way" and make sure it is pointing the opposite way you are going, maybe cyndaquil can't read, but there is another survivor and you don't know how hungry he is.

Also, burn the house down, arson relieves stress.

Lopnis February 25th, 2013 5:56 PM

Check your inventory, how much stuff do you have stuffed in that bag?

destinedjagold February 25th, 2013 10:44 PM

Check the Bad Egg.
Also, /help

Cutlerine February 26th, 2013 12:15 PM

> Check your inventory, how much stuff do you have stuffed in that bag?

You check your inventory, and the Narrator wishes heartily he had been keeping track of this more effectively than he has been.

Inventory:
Beauteous Ring x1
Berry x1
Bloodstained Mail x1
Bulging Wallet x1
Dangerous Makeshift Knife x1
Elm's Key x1
Flowery Wreath x1
Glass Shards x5
Green Apricorn x1
Half a Cup of Cold Coffee x1
Half a Roll of Gaffer Tape x1
Hambone x1
Hyper Potion x2
Lava Cookie x7
Lithium Batteries x4
Long-Range Scanner Attachment x1
Machine Pistol Magazine x6
Miracle Seed x1
Mysterious Note x1
Novelty Giraffe Shoe x1
Poké Ball x1
Potion x2
Powerless Tablet Computer x1
Rare Bone x1
Rocks x12
Shiny Stone x1
Stale Baguette x1
Stylish Dress x1
Togepi Egg Shard x2

> Check the Bad Egg.

The Egg Watch: It looks like this Egg will take a long time to hatch.

> Also, /help

Hello! Sorry to keep you waiting. Welcome to the world of Pokémon! My name is Nyarlathotep. People call me the crawling chaos.

This world is inhabited by creatures that we call Pokémon. Pokémon and people live together in a predator-prey relationship. Some people flee from Pokémon. Some try to fight back.

Let's see which you are, shall we?

Good God. That was simultaneously the least helpful and most threatening help screen you've ever seen.

> Go and find this God Of Looting, and beg to be his apprentice. he is one to look up to.
> Carve into a tree or sign "Food this way" and make sure it is pointing the opposite way you are going, maybe cyndaquil can't read, but there is another survivor and you don't know how hungry he is.
Also, burn the house down, arson relieves stress.
> You should probably leave the Lonesome House and go up the path next to pond.


You cannot leave the Lonesome House; there is an Eldritch Cyndaquil blocking your path!

Khawill February 26th, 2013 1:08 PM

Burn the house, and then use a stick to burn cyndaquil, if all else fails make sure to have a pocketful of sand and/or rocks to throw at it

Adin Terim February 26th, 2013 1:22 PM

Try and distract it by throwing the Hambone past it, when it turns around throw a Machine Pistol Magazine (I'd say the Lithium Batteries but you probably need them later) into the flames on its back, the explosion should hurt it. Chuck some of the rocks you have at it till you think you can catch it with your remaining pokeball.

Daydream February 26th, 2013 2:05 PM

Try giving the Cyndaquil a berry. Maybe that's all it really wants. If that fails, scream like a harpy and KICK IT IN THE FACE.

Lopnis February 26th, 2013 4:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adin Terim (Post 7555981)
Try and distract it by throwing the Hambone past it, when it turns around throw a Machine Pistol Magazine (I'd say the Lithium Batteries but you probably need them later) into the flames on its back, the explosion should hurt it. Chuck some of the rocks you have at it till you think you can catch it with your remaining pokeball.

I like this but stuff some glass shards in the hambone, Halloween Candy this thing if all else fails give it a lava cookie and escape while it's vomitting

Cutlerine February 27th, 2013 1:36 AM

> Burn the house, and then use a stick to burn cyndaquil, if all else fails make sure to have a pocketful of sand and/or rocks to throw at it

The Lonesome House is about three seconds away from catching on fire, and you seriously doubt a monster whose back is perpetually aflame is going to mind being set on fire anyway.

Those Rocks are ready, though.

> Try giving the Cyndaquil a berry. Maybe that's all it really wants. If that fails, scream like a harpy and KICK IT IN THE FACE.

You hold out a Berry.

“Friends?” you ask diffidently.

Judging by the teeth embedded in your wrist, probably not.

Othodox is Wounded!

> Try and distract it by throwing the Hambone past it, when it turns around throw a Machine Pistol Magazine (I'd say the Lithium Batteries but you probably need them later) into the flames on its back, the explosion should hurt it. Chuck some of the rocks you have at it till you think you can catch it with your remaining pokeball.
> I like this but stuff some glass shards in the hambone, Halloween Candy this thing if all else fails give it a lava cookie and escape while it's vomitting


You would love to distract the Cyndaquil by rigging up an elaborate Glass-Studded Booby-Trapped Hambone, but it's pretty difficult with a pair of overgrown incisors sunk an inch into your wrist.

With your free hand, you whip the Hambone from your Bag and fling it past the Cyndaquil. As it sails over its head, it passes through the flames from its back and is immediately reduced to carbon.

The Cyndaquil slowly, deliberately lets go of your wrist and nudges you forwards with its snout. Go on, it seems to say. Back off. Have a moment to think.

You stare. Is this thing... toying with you?

Whatever the reason, it's just watching you at the moment, and you take the time to take a Machine Pistol Magazine from your Bag. You're willing to bet that whatever else it might be, this thing isn't bulletproof.

As if sensing you've chosen your weapon, the Cyndaquil suddenly lurches forward, barrelling towards you like a flaming bulldozer; you press yourself against the wall and watch it shoot past, taloned paws tearing ragged chunks from the floorboards. Those fire-spewing polyps on its back are, for a split second, right beneath you, and you drop the Magazine in place on them with ease.

Nothing happens for a moment; the Cyndaquil slams into the wall, sets it on fire and turns around to face you, all just like last time, back in New Bark.

Then the magazine explodes.

Shards of hot metal trace glowing lines through the air, puncturing plaster, shattering windows, tearing bloody streaks across the Cyndaquil's back; it shrieks and bucks wildly, trying to turn and see what new foe has attacked it from behind.

You'd feel satisfied if you hadn't got shot in the leg.

Othodox is Quite Badly Wounded! Othodox is Losing Blood!

You collapse, the chunks of lead in your thigh burning like hot coals. Any hope you had of running has gone out the window with the remnants of the Magazine; Lava Cookie or not, you're not going to be able to run. The Cyndaquil's back is peppered with bloody holes but it seems more pissed-off than hurt; you, on the other hand, are considerably less tough, and your weak attempts to crawl out of the door have not gone unnoticed.

Bloodshot eyes focus on you.

Synaptic flashes shoot through the abomination's brain, and you can almost see the gears grind into place behind those awful eyes: I was fighting you. You are the only one here.

Therefore
you put that thing on my back.

The Cyndaquil stalks towards you, flame rolling off its back in reeking green waves. Distantly, you wonder what happened to turn it from something so timid into something so single-mindedly after your destruction; the mental change is at least as drastic as the physical. What would Elm say, you wonder? Perhaps he'd just wonder if it could breed... the man always did love a good Egg...

Your vision is a little wobbly now, and you can no longer quite feel your leg.

Othodox is Really Quite Wounded! Othodox is Bleeding Out!

Perhaps, you think, you ought to have been checking the Radar Mode more often. You were probably given it for a reason...

The Cyndaquil's jaws are very close now, and the stink of rotting meat drips from its rodentine teeth. It has killed a great many creatures to be here right now, and as you stare up absently into its eyes, you know that none of them, none of them whatsoever, mattered.

It wants you, and it won't rest until you're dead.

Othodox is Pretty Seriously Wounded! Othodox is Bleeding Out!


There won't be any stopping it, you realise calmly. Not without a real weapon, or a powerful Pokémon, or both. It's just not that sort of enemy.

Cyndaquil lowers its head, and a long hot tongue licks across your face. You can see its throat now, just above you, a pale sliver of grey bobbing beneath the skinless armour of its skull.

Last chance, kid. You'd better think of something before those incisors meet around your cranium.

destinedjagold February 27th, 2013 1:50 AM

It's mouth is close? Push a lava cookie inside!
If you die, then it was nice knowing you bud~!

Lopnis February 27th, 2013 3:21 AM

Stuff the Rare Bone in it's maw vertically and pull your hand back quickly, you sometimes have the reaction time of a half asleep Turtwig but I assume since it's either kill or die your pretty high on adreneline so you should be quicker,even if that bones not strong take the time it takes for this thing to breake it to jab Your Dangerous Makeshift Knife in it's throat repeatedly and even if it seems like it's dead dose it's flames with the coffee cup, that usually kills Fire pokemon than drag yourself to back to the pokecenter or to Mr.Pokemon's house jam yourself in a healing machine and use it before you collapse and die

Cutlerine February 27th, 2013 7:56 AM

>It's mouth is close? Push a lava cookie inside!
If you die, then it was nice knowing you bud~!


You reach for a cookie, but the Cyndaquil licks it from your hand, crunching it up and swallowing it in less than a second.

It's not a crocodile, it's a rodent. It can probably digest freaking steel; biscuit isn't exactly going to be a problem for it.

> Stuff the Rare Bone in it's maw vertically and pull your hand back quickly, you sometimes have the reaction time of a half asleep Turtwig but I assume since it's either kill or die your pretty high on adreneline so you should be quicker,even if that bones not strong take the time it takes for this thing to breake it to jab Your Dangerous Makeshift Knife in it's throat repeatedly and even if it seems like it's dead dose it's flames with the coffee cup, that usually kills Fire pokemon than drag yourself to back to the pokecenter or to Mr.Pokemon's house jam yourself in a healing machine and use it before you collapse and die

There's not quite enough time for the bone, but the Dangerous Makeshift Knife is right where you dropped it, and as the teeth brush your forehead—

—you ram its glass blade into the Cyndaquil's throat as hard as you can, then wrench it out and to the side, slicing it open to the vertebrae. Hot dark ichor spurts across your face, and all at once the Cyndaquil is sighing wheezily, sliding away to the left, breath bubbling through the hole in its neck, and all you can hear is the crackle of the flames as the world fades into warm, dark oblivion.

---

When you wake, you aren't dead.

Nor are you on fire.

Nor have you been eaten.

Since you were expecting at least one of the above, you consider this pretty good going.

Somehow, you sit up – and then stand up, and realise that your wounds are gone. Not just healed, but actually gone. You stare at yourself for a moment, then look around.

It seems to be close to night now, and you are standing at the top of the ledge to the left of what was once a Lonesome House and is now a Flaming Ruin. The fallen tree that would have allowed you to climb up here has been removed, and a note is pinned to the front of your Stylish Dress.

Don't stay still. You did well, but he's not dead. Not yet. You scared him off for now, and he'll be more cautious in future, but he'll be back soon enough. His sort always are.

You made it this far, but the road gets tougher ahead. They're lurking there, waiting for us to make a mistake, but they won't hesitate to come after you either if they find you. Keep your Radar close and your weapon closer.

Good luck. We're waiting for you.


There's no signature, but that scarcely seems to matter.

You're alive.

And someone is on your side.

It's the best news you've had all day.

Daydream February 27th, 2013 9:19 AM

It might be useful to check the radar quickly for beasties, and then head as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

Khawill February 27th, 2013 9:22 AM

Take a stick that is on fire with you, I think nighttime is coming up and it will be hard to start a fire with your limited knowledge. (Says the condescending and demoralizing voice in your head)

Raquira February 27th, 2013 10:54 AM

The fire might have accelerted the bad egg's hatching prosses! check it!

Lopnis February 27th, 2013 2:06 PM

Thank your favorite deity you're still alive, than continue onward. If you can try to remember the last thing you remember before the world became the swirling madness it is now.

destinedjagold February 27th, 2013 5:31 PM

Check the radar. If there are no signs of anything dangerous, head back to Cherrygrove, but be cautious and always check your radar. If the town is safe, head to the PokeCenter. Find anything that could charge your Powerless Tablet Computer.

If nothing, then continue your cautious journey~

Cutlerine February 28th, 2013 12:07 PM

> The fire might have accelerted the bad egg's hatching prosses! check it!

The Egg Watch: It looks like this Egg will take a long time to hatch.

To be honest, you're probably lucky the fire didn't cook it.

> Thank your favorite deity you're still alive, than continue onward. If you can try to remember the last thing you remember before the world became the swirling madness it is now.

You thank Tabiti, Scythian goddess of fire, for her goodwill in bearing you safely out of the inferno. Tabiti makes no reply, but perhaps if you can find some way to make an appropriate devotion you'll get some kind of blessing. Then again, perhaps not. For one thing, you're pretty far from Scythia. For another, you're fairly certain Tabiti doesn't exist.

Othodox is now a Disciple of Tabiti!

You pause for a moment to think. What was the last thing you remember before you found yourself in this nightmare world? You remember choosing your starter Pokémon, getting your Badges, trying and almost succeeding in taking down Lance... But from that point, your memory abruptly ends. There is a long period of nothing between your failure then and your misadventures now.

Curious.

You think harder, and now you begin to realise that there are gaps even in those memories you do have. You remember the Safari Zone – but not how to get there. You remember getting your Zephyr Badge, but not the way to Falkner's Gym. Perhaps most disturbingly of all, you remember Mom – but not her face.

Just what is going on here?

> Take a stick that is on fire with you, I think nighttime is coming up and it will be hard to start a fire with your limited knowledge. (Says the condescending and demoralizing voice in your head)

You're a little hesitant about grabbing any of that unnatural fire, especially as it seems to lean hungrily towards you as you approach the Ruin. It's as if it wants to eat you as badly as the Cyndaquil did. Or does. You're not entirely sure.

Plucking up your courage, you grab a stick from the wreckage and back away hurriedly.

Othodox found one Spooky Flaming Torch! Othodox bore the Spooky Flaming Torch aloft.

Spooky Flaming Torch is 2% burned out. When Spooky Flaming Torch is 100% burned out it will no longer give out light, and may set fire to your hand.


It is getting darker.

> It might be useful to check the radar quickly for beasties, and then head as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

Sticking your Spooky Flaming Torch in the ground, you take out the Pokédex and are greeted by a critical warning screen:

SAFE OPERATING TEMPERATURE EXCEEDED

That does not sound good. The fact that part of the Long-Range Scanner Attachment has snapped off doesn't strike you as too positive, either. Nevertheless, you give it a go, pressing the button for the Radar and praying fervently to Tabiti under your breath.

The screen lights up, and for a moment you're overjoyed – the next, however, you're not sure whether you're confused or scared.

Esshritln:

riyetutpokném(39)nuofndo!

Yegteene(19)cdftlrnenihi uoidpenncad!

Ethaselrdfivou whtoesn(7)n!

Eeetflvdld irdct(12)herer ohsfin!

Stou(1)uendreactnr tatcdltro!

You can't help but feel like the Narrator is punishing you.

> Check the radar. If there are no signs of anything dangerous, head back to Cherrygrove, but be cautious and always check your radar. If the town is safe, head to the PokeCenter. Find anything that could charge your Powerless Tablet Computer.
If nothing, then continue your cautious journey~

You put the Pokédex away, take up your Spooky Flaming Torch and head back to Cherrygrove. It isn't far, and it is no more than half an hour before you arrive back in town, but by that time dusk is falling. You wonder if the normal patterns of daytime and night-time Pokémon still prevail, and almost wet yourself thinking about what an Eldritch Spinarak might possibly look like.

Dragging yourself back to the moment, you conduct a quick search of the buildings that reveals no apparent charger for the Powerless Tablet Computer, but which does remind you that you never looted the Pokémon Mart.

Spooky Flaming Torch is 6% burned out.

It is getting dark.


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