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Livewire April 15th, 2013 9:25 AM

Help & Advice Thread
 
The Deep Discussion Help & Advice Thread


Formerly the Post your Problems thread!

Back by popular demand, with a few little twists. This time, the focus of the thread should be to give earnest and appropriate advice to members that seek it for somewhat important issues. Appropriate topics could be, for instance:

EXAMPLES:
"Where should I attend college? What do I need to do as far as Financial Aid, paperwork, etc?"
"How do I ask out my crush, etc"
"I'm having a dispute with a coworker or classmate, etc"
"Should I study overseas?"
"I want to travel, where to?"
"I need a job. What should I do to prepare for my interview?"
"I'm an aspiring musician, how do I build my career?"
"How to be good with money, etc"

** As long as the question isn't really frivolous or mundane, like, "what color shoes should I wear today?" your question should be fine.

Questions relevant to other sections of the PokeCommunity should be posted in those sections, and not here. For example, if you are having computer troubles, post in the Science & Technology section, or if you have a question about some aspect of the PokeCommunity itself, post in Community Feedback & Support.




Things to remember:

  • This isn't a complaint or venting thread. No profanity-laced tirades or shots at other users. Post here either to help others with a problem or to seek advice yourself.
  • Do not ask for a medical diagnosis. Do not offer a medical diagnosis. This applies to both mental and physical health. The only advice anyone will (or at least, should) give you is to see a real-life professional. Please report anything you see of this nature.
  • Normal PC rules regarding content and behavior apply. No rudeness, disrespect or bullying will be tolerated here. Infractions will be handed out liberally.
  • 4/25 Rule and Censor/Swearing rules will be heavily enforced.
  • Lastly, keep the topics discussed from becoming too heated. Do not inflame or troll others or make any issues worse. Also heavily enforced.

Esper April 15th, 2013 9:49 AM

Just so there's no confusion, how serious of questions should we ask here? I mean, how lighthearted can some of our questions be? Like if I were to ask people for advice on fun things to do when traveling from people who live/have been where I'm traveling, would that be okay? Or is this more for "I have a problem" types of advice?

Livewire April 15th, 2013 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarf (Post 7625646)
Just so there's no confusion, how serious of questions should we ask here? I mean, how lighthearted can some of our questions be? Like if I were to ask people for advice on fun things to do when traveling from people who live/have been where I'm traveling, would that be okay? Or is this more for "I have a problem" types of advice?

I added a little to the OP to hopefully clarify that! What you just proposed would be totally fine.

Honest April 17th, 2013 10:19 AM

Might as well be the trailblazer.

So, like, for those who have known me well enough know that for the past few months, I was moaning and groaning about the possibility of not going to prom. Well, I while ago, I had a rather heated discussion with my mother about it, and she finally caved halfway, saying she'd think about it. And that's great, right?

Wrong. Now that I have what I want, I don't really get why I wanted it. I feel like the only reason I made a huge deal about it is cause I didn't like hearing "no" from my mother. I kind of don't know what to do at the moment. I feel, and this is probably just because it's prom, that if I don't ask someone to go with, there's no point in going. My friends are telling me that it's the last moment in our High School lives where we can finally be who we are, but I dunno. I had images in my head of asking my high school crush, but I don't know if I want that anymore. For multiple reasons, mainly her having rejected me about two years ago and the fact that I don't want to make things weird, regardless of how little time's left. Also kinda blew that my friends kept telling me to ask her out when we were literally right next to each other (all of us) and I was just like. ".....very funny." I played it off as a joke, but I dunno if I really meant it as a joke. I don't like anyone else in that way, but I don't know if I even like her in that way.

This all goes back to whether it's worth going. Sorry for the mini rant. :x

Kanzler April 17th, 2013 11:09 AM

Yup, high school life. People always tell you, "oh, you'll find yourself etc." but I agree with your perception that it's just other people forcing their images of what you should become and convoluting your own self discovery - but maybe that's what people actually mean XD. If you don't even know that you like her in that way, then what's the worry about asking her? Depending on your relationship with her, things might not always turn out weird. You can still bring it up like having a good time for the sake of - and people go out to prom with friends just as a social event, an opportunity to socialize, just a bit classier. I know the prom is taken differently, more seriously? in the states, so I might be wrong trying to draw parallels here.

You say there's little time left, and you don't want to make things weird. I think you have all the reason to make things weird -especially because there is so little time left. How do you imagine your relationship to her to be after high school, because "little time left" implies that you wouldn't be communicating with much of your high school peers as you move on to post-secondary. In any case, I don't want you to be bummed by this because it's not thaaat big of a deal. I don't know if you're a prom person or not, but there are many good reasons to go, some of which your friends listed. It's worth going inasmuch as you think it'll be fun, and it's as simple as that. I'm sure you wouldn't be going as a loner.

Sorry for creeping on your photos, but some of your girlie-friends are pretty guud luckin.

Kura April 18th, 2013 9:49 AM

I never went to my prom, and to me, there was no point to go because at that point in my life, I had fallen out with old friends and felt I matured into a different person that didn't want to talk anime 24/7. I was contemplating on going just with a couple friends, but then when I was rejected by having even that, I decided not to bother, and honestly? I don't regret it. I used to have fantasies about having an amazing prom and being asked to dance and falling in love on the dance floor but... that's fantasy. I found who I am and I get to be me every day now, and I didn't need to have prom to be able to do that. If you're good friends with the bunch, you'll find the time to hang out outside of that day.

Ask yourself this: Will prom be fun for you if you just go with your friends to be chatting around a table and dancing on the dancefloor? Yes? Well then think about going then. Don't go for someone else's sake or "to spend time with them before they all part" because the whole night you'll just be clinging to people that, if you dont end up keeping in touch, end up forgetting about anyway. People come and go in your life and that's just fact.. but you gotta go for you. No one can decide that for you. You could also go and if you dont like it, leave halfway through! ;3

Esper April 18th, 2013 10:03 AM

@Bloodex: You should probably go. For one reason, if you asked and asked and finally got permission and then decide not to that'll send a weird message to your mother. I don't know how much you have to rely on getting her permission for things, but if she sees you ask for something and then deciding not to take it she might feel that's how you'll respond to anything else you ask for that she doesn't want to relent on.

But more than that, if you go and your friends are going you'll have a chance to be with your friends. I guess I could put it another way: would it be worse to go without a date and be guy who went with friends, or not to go and be the guy who didn't get a date and didn't come? I think people tend to regret what they don't do more than what they try to do. I guess I'm saying it's better to try so that even if nothing goes how you want you can at least say you tried instead of wondering what might have been. Things can also go really well and you might be pleasantly surprised. I mean, there are good and bad outcomes whatever you choose to do or not do, but you probably would prefer the good outcomes of taking risks more than the ones of not taking risks.

Sydian April 18th, 2013 10:44 AM

So tomorrow is day of silence (afaik correct me if I'm wrong!) and as much as I'd like to participate, with all I have going on tomorrow, there's just no way I can go without talking. The dilemma is that I was going to do a card unopening video tomorrow and I wanted to do it silent for my support, but I'm not sure if that would be hypocritical or not since I'm not gonna be doing the silence thing all day. I'd just like opinions from those in the lgbt community, or even other allies, on whether or not that would be hypocritical.

(Oh my god I hate typing on this iPad)

Kanzler April 18th, 2013 11:16 AM

If you have business to be done, then just talk. The whole thing is symbolic anyways, and I think it'll be taking the symbolism too far for it to interfere with your life. You're not a hypocrite for talking. I didn't cry when my grandfather died, even though I'm the only grandson. So what if I failed to uphold Chinese traditions 100%. The most important thing is that you showed your solidarity with the LGBT community, and that's all that matters.

But I'm not gay, so maybe my opinion doesn't count for anything...

Esper April 19th, 2013 8:10 AM

Okay, might be too late to respond now, but I think that no one would hold it against you if you had to talk. I mean, most of us have to speak for our jobs, often for school, too. The idea, for me anyway, isn't to make things difficult for people who are supportive, but to draw attention to the issues of LGBT people. If you want, you can just say that you're supportive, but that you have to speak today.

I mean, there are also plenty of LGBT people who don't like the idea since there's been lots of silence already, you know? Like, it's better to talk about things than stay silent. So really, the important thing is to be supportive in whatever way you can.

Sydian April 19th, 2013 10:29 AM

Thanks guys. :) I've got on my rainbow ring and I did my eyeshadow all rainbowy as well to throw in my support. n__n

The Author May 13th, 2013 5:18 PM

(The Author is back from the dead.)

Hello.

I'm a fifteen-year-old that's been having a bit of trouble with my father and stepmother recently. For the past five years, my stepmother has been verbally abusive and in some cases physically abusive. However, I've never really been able to get proof of this until recently. I've dealt with the DHS, CPS, and the police on several occasions and I've also been to a group home for fifteen days as well as JAG.

Last summer, I visited my mother, who I hadn't seen for about ten years previously, and things were really smooth and everything was great. We had a good time, and the only thing we really had disagreements or arguments about were subjects like civil rights, gaming, etc. The trip that was originally just going to be for the summer ended up extending until early December, when I flew back to my father and stepmother, where things immediately started going downhill.

My stepmother's been trying to claim I tried to kill her then-unborn child at one point, they've been trying to put me in mental hospitals, and overall they've been blaming me for just about everything that goes wrong in the family, when they're the ones being abusive and aggressive, both verbally and physically. There were a couple times where I'd be beaten and I'd have a few marks left over, but I've never had a phone or camera to take pictures with, and my stepmother put me in online school so I don't really have any friends I can go to for pics. Even then, I just felt overall bad about it, as I didn't want to crush my parents like that, I really just wanted to get away from them and live with my mother (who lives out of state).

Eventually, I had enough of this. I had been contacting my mother for months at that point, just to chat about things. I ended up telling her at one point about my problems with my folks here, and she's been working on petitioning for custody for several months now, trying to gather as much legal advice/information as she can. At one point I contacted her about some markings I had on me, feeling a bit hopeless because I didn't have a camera. She said she could talk to a friend who lives in the area, which she did, and said friend was able to take pictures of the injuries and email them to both my mother and myself. A day later (or later that day; one of the two) my parents kicked me out then called the police on me for running away, yet they had given me the address to a youth shelter, where I lived for fifteen days (great times, I tell you). You see, I had also stolen one of my father's thumb drives to put the pictures on, which I took with me, as well as a scrap of paper with my mother's number, another scrap of paper with the youth shelter's address, a scrap of paper with the directions to the address, and a hair tie. It was about ten o' clock at night when I was kicked out, I ended up getting lost, so I slept in an alley (or tried to; it was cold). The next day, I retraced my steps and went the right direction, and ended up at the administration building by about 5 PM, bright red from being sunburnt. They drove me to a youth shelter, and the next day, the police came and asked me some questions. I told them everything. There was a bit of confusion as to whether I 'ran away' or got 'kicked out', I gave them the thumb drive, and they took pictures of their own. My mother had already reported the incident to CPS, and another CPS report was filed.

Anyway, ever since I got back, my parents have been trying to claim that I did the injuries to myself, saying that they weren't there that morning. They were, and by the time the pictures were taken (3 PM), the wounds were noticably healing. My parents found out who took the pictures, did some research on them, and called the police on them, saying that they were the one that inflicted the injury. They've also pressed charges on my mother, from what I hear, for 'plotting against them'. They've also been trying to convince me that my mother hates me, that she abandoned me, and that she tries to cheat her way out of child support, when I know for a fact my mother has been trying to pay child support, she's just been having some issues, with neither of the parties living in the state that child support is going through. My grandmother has also tried to get into the situation, but due to some misunderstanding, manipulation (on my grandmother's side; shame), and a really bad joke, she's been cut out of my life, with plenty of legal threats against her. Since CPS has been involved recently (funny, my stepmother tried to call CPS on me at one point), my father and stepmother have been avoiding answering the door or their phones, purposely trying to avoid CPS.

So what should I do? My father and stepmother are claiming I'm the problem (and their word is always heard over mine), my mother is out of state, and CPS is being ignored (not to mention most of CPS are just money-hungry child-snatchers anyway; not saying they all are, but a good amount). Any advice?


Thanks in advance,
Jaxom

tl;dr my father and stepmother have been verbally/physically abusing me, saying I do it to myself, and cutting out anyone who claims otherwise, including my mother, who wants to petition for custody of me. What should I do?

Gyardosamped May 13th, 2013 8:44 PM

Aww, I feel terrible that this has all happened to you and is continuing to happen! :[ From what you disclosed to us, it seems as though CPS is not doing enough to investigate what’s going on behind the scenes with you and your guardians. I mean, this is what CPS was created to do and it’s as though they’re completely taking everything that has happened to you lightheartedly. I’m surprised that even after you showed evidence to the police about the physical injuries you endured, CPS, nor the police, did not even bother to check into what was going on. Yeah, I know that in general the opinion of adults are given more priority than those of children, but usually the adults (or parents) in these types of cases, are the abusers, and CPS should be very familiar with how these types of domestic violence/abuse cases work.

In reality, after you’ve done all this, there’s unfortunately not much you can do except to continue urging your mother to keep on pressuring the correct authorities into reviewing this case and into trying to secure your custody. You don’t deserve any of this, and you, being 15, definitely do not need to be living in this type of hostile environment. I would really just continue to collect as much evidence as you can about what’s happening to you. Also, don’t allow for your father or stepmother to even lay a finger on you. That’s against the law in most cases, and if you ever feel threatened, you can always just walk out of the house and go to a trusted neighbor’s/friend’s house to call the police. CPS cannot continue to keep returning you back into this violent home without establishing what exactly is happening. No one should have to live like this, especially at your age. Keep us informed! All the best, really. Keep strong. Things will get better soon. <3 :)

Esper May 14th, 2013 10:44 AM

Theoretically, Child Protective Services should be your advocate against your parents if they're abusing you, but since they aren't doing their job properly maybe there is someone who can put pressure on CPS. Police, perhaps. Maybe a charity, a church, a group of some sort that's worked with disadvantaged kids and could, if not help you with your parents, help you with getting CPS to do a better job.

I wish I could be more helpful, but I don't have any experience with things like this. I wouldn't want to suggest risky things that could potentially lead to bigger conflicts. I think the best thing you can do is do whatever you can to have more time and connection with the world outside your home. When you're in public they can't do anything to you without it being noticed, and the more time you spend in public the more chances you have to talk with people, get people to know you, people who would have reasons to want to talk with you even when you're home. Basically, build a network of people if you can. The more people there are the more likely they'll support you, to notice when things are strange. There'll be more people who can vouch for you as a person if people or other authorities get involved, or to call in the authorities on your behalf.

Entermaid May 14th, 2013 10:50 PM

I am sorry to hear about your circumstances.

"In some states, free legal aid is available to minors seeking emancipation, through children's law centers. This can be a valuable resource for minors trying to create a convincing emancipation petition. Students are able to stay with a guardian if necessary.
Emancipation are not easily granted because of the subjectivity and narrowness of the definition of "best interest." Some are minors who have been victims of abuse. In most cases, the state's department of child services will be notified and the child placed in foster care or care of a loved one."

I would seek legal advice, depending on where you live, you can be guaranteed free representation, if not, many times lawyers will assist abused children pro-bono. This may allow you to speed-up the process and get you out of harm's way sooner.

This is the only advice I can give you. By law, legal advice is restricted to informing someone of their legal rights in seeking a lawyer, if they do not have a law degree. Therefore, it is in your best interest to find a lawyer to help you with your scenario given that DHS, CPS, or law enforcement are not adequately protecting your safety and state of mind.

I hope this helps, even if a little.
Please don't feel hopeless, you will get through this, eventually.
In time, you this will all be a nothing more than a memory.

(ugh, I am bad with words of encouragement)

Cavalreaper May 14th, 2013 11:45 PM

I just turned 16 a few days ago, and I am now in the process of updating my working papers. I'm also in the process of transferring to an online high school. With all of this free time on my hands ("school hours"), I'm trying to score a job. It's always nice to have a bit of money, and with college just around the corner I need to become more independent. Keeping in mind that I live in a metropolitan area, there are a lot of name-brand businesses within a three block radius. There are some stores that I know are hiring. TJ Maxx, Wendy's, KFC and Popeyes, namely. However, since I'd like to enter the veterinary field and I've already wracked up hundreds of hour in animal-related volunteer work, I thought it'd be better to work somewhere animal oriented. A veterinary hospital is out of the question (liability), so I was thinking maybe a pet store, or a groomers. So that's one question: given my experience, my age, and my future occupation, where should I work?

The other issue is that I'm extremely shy in an irrational way. I'm fine with serving as a tour guide in front of an awestruck crowd, yet I can't pick up the phone without suffering from a nervous breakdown. It verges on social phobia. There aren't many fears that would set off, let's say, a panic attack, but it does present itself as a problem. For example, after getting all dolled up I walked down to the local pet store. I was completely confident and ready to fill out an application. However, once I walked through the door I suffered from a sudden burst of shyness. I couldn't approach the front desk, and I had to ask my mom (yes, my mom) to get the application for me. It was ridiculous! (Side note: They aren't hiring right now, but they are accepting applications.). Do you have any tips for dealing with this conditional anxiety?

The final question is this: do you have any tips for balancing work with school? Admittedly I'm not very organized.

Nihilego August 15th, 2013 4:39 PM

Not asking for advice for myself here, but for a close friend.

Some of you might know that today (or rather, given the time, yesterday) is the day when people in the UK leaving school and hoping to move onto university get their exam results which dictate if they actually got in or not. The way it works here is that, of all the universities in the country, you get to pick two; one high one as your first choice, and a lower one as your insurance choice, to give you the best chance of going somewhere you at least like.

This friend of mine has had some rather... unfortunate circumstances this year which I know for certain have impacted his exam's results - and it showed today. He underachieved big-time and his first choice of university is now unwilling to accept him. He's going to continue communicating with them in the hope that they'll understand the circumstances surrounding his less-than-expected results, but it's unlikely. He's now left with two options; he can either accept his insurance choice and have it over with, or he can withdraw his application, re-sit his exams next year and try again for a higher university in the hope that they'd take him. He feels cheated by circumstance and knows that he should be entering into an establishment higher than his insurance choice, but he also knows that one additional year is a long time to wait - especially given that nothing's guaranteed with regards to his acceptance next year and it's almost tougher to enter after a gap year due to the university expecting you to have done something really special with it.

So... what would you guys do if it was you in this situation? If you need extra information or clarification just ask; our system of doing things is veeery different to the US and others. d:

donavannj August 15th, 2013 4:51 PM

Does this friend have the means to do something really special within that year that will meet the expectations of his chosen university? And is this insurance choice still a well regarded school?

Nihilego August 15th, 2013 4:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by donavannj (Post 7787425)
Does this friend have the means to do something really special within that year that will meet the expectations of his chosen university?

I suppose so. If not, his family can probably help him out money-wise, and it could be a great experience. It's more... if he actually gets anything done. It's very difficult to organise things last-minute (we're talking stuff like going to a 3rd world country and teaching kids English and whatnot here, haha) and he's really not in a good place right now. We've gotta walk before we can run, yanno? I am confident that he'll get through this in time but in enough time, I'm not sure.

Quote:

Originally Posted by donavannj (Post 7787425)
And is this insurance choice still a well regarded school?

In general, I suppose so, although he's very capable of hitting much higher and he knows that. He'd likely be fine if he was to go to his insurance choice, but he doesn't want to go there as much as his first choice. He also won't receive the same quality of tuition and his first choice looks better to an employer. On the other hand, a degree is a degree.

Amore August 15th, 2013 5:33 PM

Are his first and insurance choice both in/outside the Russell Group? Because RG universities get 80% of all research funding, and basically people tend to consider them on these levels: 1. Oxbridge, 2. Russell Group, 3. Everything else. In my experience anyway.

As someone who was really panicked about possibly going through clearing, I would point out this - every decent University is bumping up their grade requirements next year, despite falling numbers of the higher grades being achieved. Is your friend going to achieve even higher than (s)he was predicted initially? If that answer is yes, retake the year. No? Chance it with the insurance, it's better than no place.
Also, some universities get really picky about making sure you've only taken 2 years to do your A levels - Edinburgh's one I know just point blank refuses anyone who's taking over the standard 2 years.

Hope I haven't rambled too much.

Nihilego August 15th, 2013 5:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amore (Post 7787493)
Are his first and insurance choice both in/outside the Russell Group? Because RG universities get 80% of all research funding, and basically people tend to consider them on these levels: 1. Oxbridge, 2. Russell Group, 3. Everything else. In my experience anyway.

First choice is RG, insurance isn't. It's a shame RG is so glorified since it's based on the achievements of the university rather than the quality of its teaching, but hey ho. That's life I guess. I do feel it's somewhat less gloried when you're actually there than what teachers would have you believe, though. After all - it's their job to push you in that direction. d:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amore (Post 7787493)
As someone who was really panicked about possibly going through clearing, I would point out this - every decent University is bumping up their grade requirements next year, despite falling numbers of the higher grades being achieved. Is your friend going to achieve even higher than (s)he was predicted initially? If that answer is yes, retake the year. No? Chance it with the insurance, it's better than no place.

Are they so? That's worth noting then, as I wasn't aware of that and neither was he. If he'll achieve higher or not is uncertain, but he was predicted higher than the university's offer (which is rather rare, thinking about it...) and if his AS grades were anything to go by before this whole mess then he'd have happily hit his predicted grades. I don't doubt that, mitigating circumstances aside, he's intelligent enough to get the grades he needs even if they are bumped up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amore (Post 7787493)
Also, some universities get really picky about making sure you've only taken 2 years to do your A levels - Edinburgh's one I know just point blank refuses anyone who's taking over the standard 2 years.

The only ones I've seen which are fussed about that are Edinburugh, OxBridge and Imperial iirc. To my knowledge he's not been interested in any universities which complain about resits.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amore (Post 7787493)
Hope I haven't rambled too much.

Oh, it's no bother. I appreciate it. :]

Dter ic August 16th, 2013 12:42 AM

Universities can accept an unlimited number of students with at least a ABB grade (or equivalent combinations) instead of the previous AAB grade.

Honest August 17th, 2013 7:09 PM

Craptastic, I have to deal with this right before I leave to Canada.

Okay, here's the deal. My... friend's dating this guy, and she likes him, yadda yadda yadda. She's the "good girl" type, you'd think. The kind that doesn't really get into relationships. But she's in one.

A rumor floated around a couple of months ago that the two had showered together, or something **** like that. And while that does leave me disappointed in her (if it's true), I didn't really search to find out if it's true or even tell her what I heard. Her business is her business.

She texted me today, though, telling me that one of my friends who might know about something she's done (didn't say what) might possibly tell her sister who my friend apparently either works with, or sees at his job, etc. While I don't think the guy in question would tell anyone, even if he did know (don't think he does), it leaves me wondering if I should admit what I've heard about her.

The reason I don't want to is cause my best friend told me, who was told by the girl's close friend. Who I know. And I sorta don't want to cause animosity. I'm already leaning on a "shut your trap" decision, but I figured I might as well post here, see what you guys think.

Kura August 18th, 2013 2:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vertigo (Post 7790570)
Craptastic, I have to deal with this right before I leave to Canada.

Okay, here's the deal. My... friend's dating this guy, and she likes him, yadda yadda yadda. She's the "good girl" type, you'd think. The kind that doesn't really get into relationships. But she's in one.

A rumor floated around a couple of months ago that the two had showered together, or something **** like that. And while that does leave me disappointed in her (if it's true), I didn't really search to find out if it's true or even tell her what I heard. Her business is her business.

She texted me today, though, telling me that one of my friends who might know about something she's done (didn't say what) might possibly tell her sister who my friend apparently either works with, or sees at his job, etc. While I don't think the guy in question would tell anyone, even if he did know (don't think he does), it leaves me wondering if I should admit what I've heard about her.

The reason I don't want to is cause my best friend told me, who was told by the girl's close friend. Who I know. And I sorta don't want to cause animosity. I'm already leaning on a "shut your trap" decision, but I figured I might as well post here, see what you guys think.

I wouldn't say anything to her. Who cares if they showered together? If she is still a lovely girl, then what she does behind closed doors is her business. However, if she isn't going to keep things behind closed doors (that should be,) she should face the repercussions (gossip.) And if she DOES keep things behind closed doors and people are spreading rumors just to **** on her, then it shouldn't be any of her concern anyways, because it's not true.

Either way, I don't see why you would see her in a different light. She didn't do anything illegal, did she? She didn't do anything to harm anyone else, did she? Why does the fact that she's in a relationship now suddenly make her a "bad girl"? That is silly and immature.

If she's worried about true rumors being spread, she should just laugh it off as being only a rumor. If she has a "good girl aura" about her anyways, then people will believe her if she laughs it off and problem solved. She'll also know next time not to tell anyone her dirty details (that's unclassy.) Or next time, do it more discreetly.

Either way, if that friend is gonna tell her sister, he is a ****** friend. Unless he is going to tell her sister something that's detrimental to her health (like if she were taking drugs), I see no reason why this friend needs to be a major **** disturber.

Sounds like a lot of jealousy is going on, and people are too much into each others' business. This does not involve you at all, and if she has an issue with this other guy friend, she should speak to the guy in question herself.. instead of using you as a middleman.

Nihilego August 18th, 2013 3:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vertigo (Post 7790570)
Craptastic, I have to deal with this right before I leave to Canada.

Okay, here's the deal. My... friend's dating this guy, and she likes him, yadda yadda yadda. She's the "good girl" type, you'd think. The kind that doesn't really get into relationships. But she's in one.

A rumor floated around a couple of months ago that the two had showered together, or something **** like that. And while that does leave me disappointed in her (if it's true), I didn't really search to find out if it's true or even tell her what I heard. Her business is her business.

She texted me today, though, telling me that one of my friends who might know about something she's done (didn't say what) might possibly tell her sister who my friend apparently either works with, or sees at his job, etc. While I don't think the guy in question would tell anyone, even if he did know (don't think he does), it leaves me wondering if I should admit what I've heard about her.

The reason I don't want to is cause my best friend told me, who was told by the girl's close friend. Who I know. And I sorta don't want to cause animosity. I'm already leaning on a "shut your trap" decision, but I figured I might as well post here, see what you guys think.

I... kinda don't see the issue here at all. So they're dating and they took a shower together? What's the problem there? People get intimate with each other in relationships, dude. It's not something to be disappointed about; I'd be happy that she's found someone she likes enough given that, as you say, she's the 'good girl' generally. As you also say - it's not your business, nor is it anyone else's. She can do what she wants without the societal expectation of her being good and respectable or whatever (and still, honestly, what's she done wrong?).

I honestly think it's pretty juvenile that this is even a rumour going around. I can't wait to see what happens when they have sex. The only thing I feel you should do here, if anything at all, is to tell the guy that supposedly knows stuff to grow up, realise that people who like each other probably are going to get intimate and physical at some point, and keep his mouth shut about others' private lives. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but... at your age, this really shouldn't be a thing.

Honest August 18th, 2013 5:23 PM

godbless free wifi

So I finally got the full truth out from her. I don't care about what she does with her boyfriend. Let me get that out of the way. If I seemed like I did, then that would be because this was the same girl who I let get away. Sorry. But that's not my point, really.

As for the situation with this "thing" that my friend might tell her sister, apparently it's just the very fact that she's in a relationship. Brown problems. Apparently, she's legit afraid that if her mother finds out (and according to her, she was there with her sister when my friend talked to her [and said some really... harsh stuff]). All of that is paranoia on her part, and it's something I've convinced her to not worry about. That being said, I told her to talk with the guy just in case, and she's made steps to do just that. None of that really has anything to do with my problem, though.

My issue here is the fact that I know about her showering with her boyfriend (assuming they did. Rumors for ya). It's not a "holy ****, she did that" sort of issue. Cause her life isn't my problem. The only reason I said I was disappointed is because before the relationship, she made a huge deal about "no dating" and that she wasn't that kind of girl, yet she caved despite what she said. And I guess my disappointment also comes from the fact that the same girl who I figured to be so... innocent? ended up just being... well, who she is. If I'm honest with myself, I might as well add that I never made my move because I thought she was sure of her ways. Again, tangent, and not what I'm trying to focus on.

The main issue that I had (had) wasn't the rumor, but the origination of it. It seems to who have stemmed from this friend of hers who I'd always imagined to be her brother. That's it. In the end, I just decided to shut my trap cause, hey, not my problem.

Yeah, pointless post was pointless. Too much ****ing drama.

this is also the same girl i cried over on the last day of school. so give me a break if i sound jealous or whatever

SinfulGuroRose August 18th, 2013 5:41 PM

Can I get some advice about colleges?

I live in Arkansas, and from what I've gathered, there are generally two types of colleges around here: expensive, 20k colleges and party colleges. I actually really, really want to go to Lyon, but $20k is way out of my range; if I want to go to college, I have to pay for it with financial aid, because I am flat out broke. I have a 29 on my ACT, which should pay off most lower universities, but I'm wondering if any of you know personally which colleges in the area have a generally hard working populace, but won't beat you with a rule book if you occasionally go to a party or something.

Another thing I really want to know about is, if all else should fail, what about colleges in Canada? I don't have family up there anymore, but all my uncles who lived there really enjoyed it, and I've heard tuition is much cheaper. What I don't know is, do ACTs transfer across national boundaries, or would I have to take the SAT? If the latter, would it be worth it?

Sorry I'm so long winded. U wU I'm just frazzing out about it.

Bellum August 19th, 2013 9:19 AM

FEEDBACK NEEDED! :O
 
So I just wrote this paragraph for my amazing girlfriend and I have never wrote anything like tbis before and woukd just like some feedback on it ^_^"

"Hey baby boo <3

When I met you, I never thought that we would ever be together, I instantly thought "that girl is too perfect for me*. You're funny, beautiful, incredible and too perfect to put into words. I don't know how I got you, maybe luck, I don't know. But what I do know is that I am happy that I am with you, and nobody else. My heart skips a beat when I think of you, and I get butterflies when I talk to you. And when I heard you singing...I melted inside. Your voice is angellic. You are angellic. Like a gift from heaven. When I talk to you, I can't help but smile, and when we're not talking, I can't help but think of you. I long for the day when we can actually be together, cuddling and kissing and doing cute stuff together. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. I love you more than words could ever explain. My heart beats for you, and only you. No other girls catch my eye any more because I already have perfection in my life. My mind goes all coo-coo when you tell how i'm perfect, when I know i'm not. But I still love it when you say i'm perfect. You're my girlfriend, and also the bestest friend I could ever ask for. I love you Grace, more than anyone or anything in the world. <3<3<3<3 :* "

Kura August 19th, 2013 9:26 AM

If you wrote this for your girlfriend, it's from the heart and from you.. and I don't think we have any business in coming in to critique your wording on your feelings.. after all, only you can decide if you think those are the right words and phrases to express your love.

Sorry, I don't see the point in offering you my feedback.. but maybe others will disagree and will want to fix your grammar, sentence structure, etc.

Bellum August 19th, 2013 9:35 AM

I can kinda see your point haha. But with this being the first time I ever wrote something like this, I just wanted to get feedback on it and stuff ^_^" heheh. Thanks anyway ^-^

Kura August 19th, 2013 9:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vertigo (Post 7792040)
godbless free wifi

So I finally got the full truth out from her. I don't care about what she does with her boyfriend. Let me get that out of the way. If I seemed like I did, then that would be because this was the same girl who I let get away. Sorry. But that's not my point, really.

As for the situation with this "thing" that my friend might tell her sister, apparently it's just the very fact that she's in a relationship. Brown problems. Apparently, she's legit afraid that if her mother finds out (and according to her, she was there with her sister when my friend talked to her [and said some really... harsh stuff]). All of that is paranoia on her part, and it's something I've convinced her to not worry about. That being said, I told her to talk with the guy just in case, and she's made steps to do just that. None of that really has anything to do with my problem, though.

My issue here is the fact that I know about her showering with her boyfriend (assuming they did. Rumors for ya). It's not a "holy ****, she did that" sort of issue. Cause her life isn't my problem. The only reason I said I was disappointed is because before the relationship, she made a huge deal about "no dating" and that she wasn't that kind of girl, yet she caved despite what she said. And I guess my disappointment also comes from the fact that the same girl who I figured to be so... innocent? ended up just being... well, who she is. If I'm honest with myself, I might as well add that I never made my move because I thought she was sure of her ways. Again, tangent, and not what I'm trying to focus on.

The main issue that I had (had) wasn't the rumor, but the origination of it. It seems to who have stemmed from this friend of hers who I'd always imagined to be her brother. That's it. In the end, I just decided to shut my trap cause, hey, not my problem.

Yeah, pointless post was pointless. Too much ****ing drama.

this is also the same girl i cried over on the last day of school. so give me a break if i sound jealous or whatever

I can tell you are a bit jealous honestly.. and also.. you need to realize that people change. When we are 10, we all think "ewww.. kissing boys, gross!"
I still don't really see a problem here. I understand you want to be a hero in this situation because this is the girl you fell for (and you're probably denying you still have feelings for even now) and so yeah you care... but this is between her, her family, and her other guy friend. All you can do in this situation is be someone for her to vent to, but I don't recommend getting involved in her relationship and family matters. I recommend also not getting so involved emotionally in other peoples' problems, especially with a situation you should not set into.


Sinful, I am not sure about Colleges in the US, but just by going to college internationally you are spending about 20K extra (sometimes PER YEAR) for the same course. I recommend staying in your state unless you get a scholarship or sponsorship to go over to Canada, or if you get accepted into an amazing school which guarantees you like a great paying job upon graduation.
(I know some friends who took my college degree course and they were paying about 26 grand a year while I paid 7-8 not including books, supplies, etc.)

Kotone August 19th, 2013 9:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kura (Post 7793219)
If you wrote this for your girlfriend, it's from the heart and from you.. and I don't think we have any business in coming in to critique your wording on your feelings.. after all, only you can decide if you think those are the right words and phrases to express your love.

Sorry, I don't see the point in offering you my feedback.. but maybe others will disagree and will want to fix your grammar, sentence structure, etc.

i can see that you want us to tell you how we feel about it, but it's all on your thoughts and feelings. our opinions wouldn't help. it's cute tho!

Bellum August 19th, 2013 10:05 AM

I can see that now ^-^" heheh. Thanks ^^

Renpuu August 19th, 2013 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vertigo (Post 7792040)
godbless free wifi

So I finally got the full truth out from her. I don't care about what she does with her boyfriend. Let me get that out of the way. If I seemed like I did, then that would be because this was the same girl who I let get away. Sorry. But that's not my point, really.

As for the situation with this "thing" that my friend might tell her sister, apparently it's just the very fact that she's in a relationship. Brown problems. Apparently, she's legit afraid that if her mother finds out (and according to her, she was there with her sister when my friend talked to her [and said some really... harsh stuff]). All of that is paranoia on her part, and it's something I've convinced her to not worry about. That being said, I told her to talk with the guy just in case, and she's made steps to do just that. None of that really has anything to do with my problem, though.

My issue here is the fact that I know about her showering with her boyfriend (assuming they did. Rumors for ya). It's not a "holy ****, she did that" sort of issue. Cause her life isn't my problem. The only reason I said I was disappointed is because before the relationship, she made a huge deal about "no dating" and that she wasn't that kind of girl, yet she caved despite what she said. And I guess my disappointment also comes from the fact that the same girl who I figured to be so... innocent? ended up just being... well, who she is. If I'm honest with myself, I might as well add that I never made my move because I thought she was sure of her ways. Again, tangent, and not what I'm trying to focus on.

The main issue that I had (had) wasn't the rumor, but the origination of it. It seems to who have stemmed from this friend of hers who I'd always imagined to be her brother. That's it. In the end, I just decided to shut my trap cause, hey, not my problem.

Yeah, pointless post was pointless. Too much ****ing drama.

this is also the same girl i cried over on the last day of school. so give me a break if i sound jealous or whatever

People shower with each other all the time. Drakow constantly asks me to shower with him but I am yet to take the opportunity.

Okay serious point now, if she showered with a guy that was considered her boyfriend then you hypothetically expect the worst in your mind that they made of done something more than "just showering." You're probably hurt that she didn't have a shower with you and that's okay, I wish hot girls would shower with me all the time..even though I'm more of a bath kinda of guy. I dunno usually in a shower my legs never get warmed up but in a bath they sure do and that just feels great for me especially after a good work out when my legs are aching.

Girls may normally lie if they don't like you and say stuff like "oh I'm a ****, you're better off without me" or "I'm not ready" or my personal favourite that I have experienced "I don't like guys, I'm a lesbian" and then 2 months later she is dating a guy again ^_^ !

If you can't trust her because of this and how she acts, then that's fair enough but you should move on and find a girl who likes you for who you are and you like her for who she is etc.
If she's a good friend then keep her but if her friendship is just causing you drama and unnecessary pain then loosing her friendship and not seeing her as often would help you get over her completely.

You'll feel free and a new man !

Now on the subject of colleges I have no idea where you should study or what you should study, just be prepared to be in debt and make sure you're ready to work your ass off.

Overlord Drakow August 19th, 2013 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renpuu (Post 7793300)
People shower with each other all the time. Drakow constantly asks me to shower with him but I am yet to take the opportunity.

Omg I'm gonna kick the **** out of you at training tonight!

But Vertigo, girls are full of crap seriously. Not all of them, but I think a lot of them are. They say one thing then X amount of time later they'll contradict themselves and they won't even give a **** or even realize! Seriously, whenever it happens to me, I'm just like '****ing ****** ass women logic'. Don't waste your time complaining about **** you can't even change. March forward steadily and you'll be fine.

Bellum August 19th, 2013 2:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renpuu (Post 7793628)
What did I just read. Who the hell calls their girlfriend "baby boo" ? Is that something out of dragonball Z "Baby kidd buu ?"
Okay we get the message, you love your girlfriend but seriously you don't need to go into all this detail to show or say how much you love her.
The heart skipping beats and butterflies sounds so cliche. I kinda hate talking about feelings like this, it just seems everything has been said or done. It just seems cringe worthy to me. Some people will generally take what you have produced here and be like "awwwwwwwwww...." and others like me will go "okay..cringe worthy". Girls love simplicity and maybe just saying a few simple words or remembering something romantic and showing her will do the trick.
Maybe take her out to where you first met, show her pictures of when you first got together or something she really likes that you enjoy together and write a simple message on it.
You are her man and you should know what she likes...so it's up to you !

No need to re-sight a sonnet or a love poem.

Oh ._. Well she is kinda my first girlfriend. And me and her have never met in person. Soooo yeah :L
And thanks...I guess :/

Kura August 19th, 2013 3:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SupernovaTyphlosion (Post 7793695)
Oh ._. Well she is kinda my first girlfriend. And me and her have never met in person. Soooo yeah :L
And thanks...I guess :/

Like I said earlier, you should tell her what you feel is right to say. If Renpuu thinks it's tacky or whatever, then let him. Like he said, some people will find it cringe-worthy (like him) and others will think it's cute. I think nicknames are cute, and I think poems are really thoughtful. But what really matters is how your girlfriend will take it. If she's super serious and hates poetry, she might laugh and say thanks, or maybe she'll love it and frame it. After all, you know her best, and you can choose any way that you want to express your feelings to her of course!!
I'm a girl and not all of us just like "simplicity," so I don't think Renpuu can truly generalize. I'm the type of person who values thought over just throwing a wad of cash over a dinner table, or being bought a drink, so maybe that's why.. but I think any girl regardless of if she's picky or not should (and most likely would, if she cares for you) appreciate the effort you made to say what you have.

And poem or no poem, if you want to call your girlfriend baby boo, you're entirely entitled to do such and shouldn't be ridiculed for it. I have inside jokes and nicknames for me too, and I like them. Again, it's your relationship, and I don't think anyone has the right to critique truly, unless there is an aspect in the relationship that would be harming you or your partner.

Bellum August 19th, 2013 5:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kura (Post 7793733)
Like I said earlier, you should tell her what you feel is right to say. If Renpuu thinks it's tacky or whatever, then let him. Like he said, some people will find it cringe-worthy (like him) and others will think it's cute. I think nicknames are cute, and I think poems are really thoughtful. But what really matters is how your girlfriend will take it. If she's super serious and hates poetry, she might laugh and say thanks, or maybe she'll love it and frame it. After all, you know her best, and you can choose any way that you want to express your feelings to her of course!!
I'm a girl and not all of us just like "simplicity," so I don't think Renpuu can truly generalize. I'm the type of person who values thought over just throwing a wad of cash over a dinner table, or being bought a drink, so maybe that's why.. but I think any girl regardless of if she's picky or not should (and most likely would, if she cares for you) appreciate the effort you made to say what you have.


And poem or no poem, if you want to call your girlfriend baby boo, you're entirely entitled to do such and shouldn't be ridiculed for it. I have inside jokes and nicknames for me too, and I like them. Again, it's your relationship, and I don't think anyone has the right to critique truly, unless there is an aspect in the relationship that would be harming you or your partner.

Firstly I would like to say thank you very much for that ^^
Secondly, thank you very much for that xD

Renpuu August 20th, 2013 11:56 AM

I did not mean to be rude, I do apologise. I got a warning for that post X_X !
I agree knowing what girlfriend will do the trick but sometimes if you really have no idea, basic/simple things will usually work out better than trying to something complicated on the spot craziness.

Silais August 20th, 2013 12:54 PM

Hey guys, wondering if you could help me with a problem I'm having.

I'm going to be a sophomore in college next Monday, and I'm feeling pretty down. I'm excited to see my new dorm (I have no roommate this year, which is AWESOME) and I can't wait to start class and my new job, but I'm scared of meeting my fellow Coyotes this year. I guess the reasons are superficial, but they're a big problem for me.

I live in a small town filled with extremely attractive people, but I'm not one of them. I'm 200lbs (I'm working on it) and I'm definitely one of the least-pretty girls on campus. I hate seeing how I compare to other girls because it makes me realize just how physically ugly I am. It's embarrassing. Yes, I do have a couple friends, and a boyfriend of one year, but still—I'm embarrassed to go out in public, and classes are going to be hell for me. I don't understand why I was made so ugly while others were made beautiful and perfect, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

My question is, what should I do to be less worried about starting college again? I'm never comfortable being in public (haven't since I moved to Arizona 12 years ago, the worst decision my parents ever made) and it's going to be so hard for me to get out and enjoy college with the body and face I was cursed with. Any suggestions?

Kyrul August 21st, 2013 1:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silais (Post 7795112)
Hey guys, wondering if you could help me with a problem I'm having.

I'm going to be a sophomore in college next Monday, and I'm feeling pretty down. I'm excited to see my new dorm (I have no roommate this year, which is AWESOME) and I can't wait to start class and my new job, but I'm scared of meeting my fellow Coyotes this year. I guess the reasons are superficial, but they're a big problem for me.

I live in a small town filled with extremely attractive people, but I'm not one of them. I'm 200lbs (I'm working on it) and I'm definitely one of the least-pretty girls on campus. I hate seeing how I compare to other girls because it makes me realize just how physically ugly I am. It's embarrassing. Yes, I do have a couple friends, and a boyfriend of one year, but still—I'm embarrassed to go out in public, and classes are going to be hell for me. I don't understand why I was made so ugly while others were made beautiful and perfect, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

My question is, what should I do to be less worried about starting college again? I'm never comfortable being in public (haven't since I moved to Arizona 12 years ago, the worst decision my parents ever made) and it's going to be so hard for me to get out and enjoy college with the body and face I was cursed with. Any suggestions?


You need to stop telling yourself that your ugly for starters. Stop thinking about what other people are thinking about you, their opinions don't mean a damn thing. Worrying about other's opinions is just going to destroy your self esteem and confidence. You'll need that confidence to push yourself outside of your comfort zone and get comfortable with your body. The mind can be one hell of a thing, you'd be suprised in how much it can hold you back in life.

For instance, I'm a terrible runner. Always have been. I'm a skinny guy, but I always thought that pain you feel in your side when you run is the worst pain in the world. When I went through basic combat training for the army my very first run time was 25 minutes for a 2 mile run, I needed to run in 16 minutes to pass. Well 7 weeks go by of training, at this point I was able to knock off pushups and situps like crazy, but I was running my 2 miles in 18 minutes, still not passing and the next day was our PT test. Well next day comes by, during the PT test I kept telling myself that I can't fail this test, if I do then it will be another 2-3 months before I see my family. Ended up scoring a 15:45 on that test, passed.

So what's the point of my boring story? Well that day I realized that it was all in my head. I was physically capable of running, but I kept telling myself that I couldn't. It's the same with your situation. If you keep telling yourself that your ugly, then you'll believe it. But, if you tell yourself that your pretty, and truly believe it. Then I guarentee you'll see something else in that mirror. Now, I'm not saying that believing in yourself is going to make you pretty, but it is a start.

Kura August 21st, 2013 2:22 PM

Agreeing with Kyrul here. Also, sadly we live in a society that automatically puts pressure onto those who aren't stick insects and it's terrible- but you have to say to yourself that well... why would you want to let a comparison get in the way of you living your life? And attractiveness is very much personal opinion.
I say stop with the comparing and focus on you. Focus on living your life and focus on the fun and good times. I don't believe anyone was "made ugly" because once you hit a certain age, you realize that beauty isn't in the way someone looks, but in their heart and their intentions and how they carry themselves. And there is a lot that molds you into the way you are today (even posture will make a difference in your appearance!) Yeah I know that sounds a bit tacky, but I've also been through self esteem issues (I also used to be overweight, have skin conditions, was mocked when I was younger, and I'm even now mocked because I'm only 4'10".. and that I REALLY can't change about myself.) but why should I let that affect the way I want to live? I think you need to change your outlook, but I understand your frustration of wanting to be sexy or beautiful. Try and tone the comparing down, and even throw some of the jealousy aside, and focus on you and what IS good about you (heck I can already say you are humble and present yourself through words very well, already, and I am sure there is more good about you too) and if there are things you dislike, then you should experiment with them! (Try a different style or things with your hair or do your nails, etc.) Find little things that make you feel pretty, and DON'T say "oh well ___ has better ___ than me so what's the point in putting in the effort?" YOU are the point. So yes, put in the effort to feel good about yourself. Knock down those mental boundaries.

Anyways, I recommend you might see if your college offers an on-site therapist to help you with social anxiety. If you're worried about your weight, then take steps to either be accepting of it, or change it.

As Kyrul says, it's mostly in the mind. And heck, I am sure your boyfriend and family think you are a beautiful girl, no doubt. And honestly, if someone else were in your position on how you feel.. what would you tell them?

It's difficult to try and build confidence but try and do so through YOURSELF and your accomplishments and feeling good about YOU rather than trying to build confidence through other peoples' positive comments, because you will end up holding those comments to more regard than they are actually worth.

Good luck and feel free to write in here again if you are still troubled.

Renpuu August 21st, 2013 3:14 PM

I agree with the above posts (Kura and Kyrul) that thinking too much on negativity will only bring you down. If you have good friends, family and a boyfriend then you must be doing something right to keep them around in your life. You can chose what attitude and what you want to do with your life but you can't chose what skin colour and height you may end up being. I was blessed with having a tall farther so I naturally inherited his height.
Being "short" or being "fat" is considered a bad thing, but I don't feel there is anything wrong with being short because you're born tall or short and that's just the way it is.
If a girl has a bit of meat to her then that's nice, but I don't feel being obese is good for anyone it just puts more strain on your joints and organs X_X !
You can chose to lose weight and exercise and if you're working on that then stick to it ! I wish you luck loosing the weight !
I eat like a horse and I am blessed to not put on much weight but I used to struggle to gain weight, so I can see how it can be a struggle to lose weight !
Also being short does have it's advantages...we proved if Kura was taken hostage she would make a very poor meat-shield for her assailant if he was my height, meaning he could easily be shot and she would survive !

Broken_Arrow August 21st, 2013 3:42 PM

There is no ugly girl.. beauty is a matter of opinion..you might see yourself ugly but others can see you beautiful....don't be afraid just be yourself and love the way you look cuz it's you...i think you're a brave girl tbh ;3

I understand how you feel when it comes to being uncomfortable in public cuz i went through the same..but there is nothing to make you worry about just breath and inside your head keep saying everything is okay because it is....Love yourself,gurl..don't be too harsh on you!

if you want to lose weight go for it care less about people more about yourself!! i hope you feel better though ^.^

Entermaid August 23rd, 2013 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SinfulGuroRose (Post 7792077)
Can I get some advice about colleges?

I live in Arkansas, and from what I've gathered, there are generally two types of colleges around here: expensive, 20k colleges and party colleges. I actually really, really want to go to Lyon, but $20k is way out of my range; if I want to go to college, I have to pay for it with financial aid, because I am flat out broke. I have a 29 on my ACT, which should pay off most lower universities, but I'm wondering if any of you know personally which colleges in the area have a generally hard working populace, but won't beat you with a rule book if you occasionally go to a party or something.

Another thing I really want to know about is, if all else should fail, what about colleges in Canada? I don't have family up there anymore, but all my uncles who lived there really enjoyed it, and I've heard tuition is much cheaper. What I don't know is, do ACTs transfer across national boundaries, or would I have to take the SAT? If the latter, would it be worth it?

Sorry I'm so long winded. U wU I'm just frazzing out about it.

Don't worry. In the US, accredited schools (don't go anywhere unaccredited) will accept either ACT and/or SAT scores when factoring in both your acceptance and financial aid offers.

A 29 is great!!! That is in the 93 percentile!!! You should be very proud. I scored a 28, accredited universities offered anywhere from 25-100% off, and I went to a more local state university to lower costs of living/housing and essentially receive free tuition/housing; as long as it was a state university, I was fine. Like you, I didn't have any finances, and I didn't want to accrue any debts with heavy student loans.

Depending upon your GPA, intended major, and high school courses, you may receive full-funding, if not substantial funding, like 75%. A smaller loan at a good university is worth more than free school at a community college as far as investments go.

What was your GPA and Highschool course load like?
So far, you seemed to be in great shape for financial aid offers.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SupernovaTyphlosion (Post 7793208)
So I just wrote this paragraph for my amazing girlfriend and I have never wrote anything like tbis before and woukd just like some feedback on it ^_^"

"Hey baby boo <3

When I met you, I never thought that we would ever be together, I instantly thought "that girl is too perfect for me*. You're funny, beautiful, incredible and too perfect to put into words. I don't know how I got you, maybe luck, I don't know. But what I do know is that I am happy that I am with you, and nobody else. My heart skips a beat when I think of you, and I get butterflies when I talk to you. And when I heard you singing...I melted inside. Your voice is angellic. You are angellic. Like a gift from heaven. When I talk to you, I can't help but smile, and when we're not talking, I can't help but think of you. I long for the day when we can actually be together, cuddling and kissing and doing cute stuff together. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. I love you more than words could ever explain. My heart beats for you, and only you. No other girls catch my eye any more because I already have perfection in my life. My mind goes all coo-coo when you tell how i'm perfect, when I know i'm not. But I still love it when you say i'm perfect. You're my girlfriend, and also the bestest friend I could ever ask for. I love you Grace, more than anyone or anything in the world. <3<3<3<3 :* "

Take this advice with a grain of salt. It might seem cold and heartless, but I am only telling you this from experience as well as reflection upon those experiences.

Long-distance online relationships are setup to fail. Beyond the importance of "is that what this person really looks like" of which popular media and shows like Catfish seem to emphasize most, there exists more troubling issues about who the person is aside from their physical appearance, which can be verified fairly simple with skype.

The issues are, people, including ourselves, want to present the best self they can. They often don't act as they would normally. Additionally, things that can be typed in a text or spoken into a phone may not reflect how we would express ourselves otherwise, in person. Let me tell you, the idea of the person is what we fall in love with, not the actual person. Words like, "I love you" are thrown around much easier and quicker in the online arena given how easy they are to type as oppose to utter in person. This can be dangerous to someone's self-esteem and emotions if the emotions are not legitimate once in-person. Just like we see more opinionated, confident, hateful, among other emotive speech online than we do in real life, simply because there exists that security of anonymity. It's almost like playing Sims online, we may be ourselves to a certain extent, but we cannot pick up on certain body languages or get a clear idea of who this person and how they react with others besides ourselves, we love the idea of the relationship, but it hasn't faced actual trials that couples face in real life. Lastly, it's the false information, that transcends physical appearance, that may be very troublesome. For instance, how do you this person is attending this or that college, has this or that job, is single, does or doesn't have kids, ect.? I would say, either meet this person and decide how you feel then so you can move on with your life whether it be strengthening that relationship or moving on with your life. I would just hold off on the emotional investment until then.

With all of that said, you are only 17! Be careful with any decisions you make.

Sydian August 26th, 2013 5:15 PM

Ew, mushy lovey advice.

Anyway, ugh I hate that I'm actually using this thread for something like this, but I'm really at a loss here and I'd like more a general answer than the ones I've gotten from specific people that I know really well.

1. Is it considered weird to talk to someone for the first time over Facebook, or should I keep pushing for face to face conversation? Like, actually carry a conversation. The "Hi, I'm so-and-so" I've had with them doesn't count as talking. I have social anxiety so talking to people isn't my forte, especially when I'm the one that is gonna have to take the first step here.

2. This is mainly aimed at guys, but girls can answer too really. Do you think it's weird when girls take initiative in talking to someone and making the moves? Does it come off as creepy or trying too hard or something? I've just generally noticed that guys tend to think that when girls try to get close to a guy, they're crazy or weird or psycho, but if a guy does it, it seems to be totally fine and cute. idk. I'm at a loss here. lol

I really can't believe I'm using this thread for this omg. v_v Good thing no one I know irl goes here.

Kanzler August 26th, 2013 6:20 PM

2: NOOOOOOOOOO! I think it's sweet when the girl makes the first move, but that spoils me. Also, I think it's creepy for me to do anything so ehh I guess
Quote:

but if a guy does it, it seems to be totally fine and cute
means I should be making moves? Hmmm.

Livewire August 26th, 2013 8:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sydian (Post 7805213)
Ew, mushy lovey advice.

Anyway, ugh I hate that I'm actually using this thread for something like this, but I'm really at a loss here and I'd like more a general answer than the ones I've gotten from specific people that I know really well.

1. Is it considered weird to talk to someone for the first time over Facebook, or should I keep pushing for face to face conversation? Like, actually carry a conversation. The "Hi, I'm so-and-so" I've had with them doesn't count as talking. I have social anxiety so talking to people isn't my forte, especially when I'm the one that is gonna have to take the first step here.

2. This is mainly aimed at guys, but girls can answer too really. Do you think it's weird when girls take initiative in talking to someone and making the moves? Does it come off as creepy or trying too hard or something? I've just generally noticed that guys tend to think that when girls try to get close to a guy, they're crazy or weird or psycho, but if a guy does it, it seems to be totally fine and cute. idk. I'm at a loss here. lol

1. You could do both, but I really think it would be beneficial for you to focus on some face-to-face conversations and interactions.

2. I personally don't think it's weird, half the time I wish the girls would initiate things. And I only think it comes across as trying too hard or creepy if you were to really force the issue. Be subtle at first, and gradually ease into a higher level of interaction. Nice and slow.

Sweets Witch August 27th, 2013 4:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sydian (Post 7805213)
Ew, mushy lovey advice.

Anyway, ugh I hate that I'm actually using this thread for something like this, but I'm really at a loss here and I'd like more a general answer than the ones I've gotten from specific people that I know really well.

1. Is it considered weird to talk to someone for the first time over Facebook, or should I keep pushing for face to face conversation? Like, actually carry a conversation. The "Hi, I'm so-and-so" I've had with them doesn't count as talking. I have social anxiety so talking to people isn't my forte, especially when I'm the one that is gonna have to take the first step here.

2. This is mainly aimed at guys, but girls can answer too really. Do you think it's weird when girls take initiative in talking to someone and making the moves? Does it come off as creepy or trying too hard or something? I've just generally noticed that guys tend to think that when girls try to get close to a guy, they're crazy or weird or psycho, but if a guy does it, it seems to be totally fine and cute. idk. I'm at a loss here. lol

I really can't believe I'm using this thread for this omg. v_v Good thing no one I know irl goes here.

1: Personally, I'd recommend Facebook first since you could use it to segue into real-life interactions. Sooner or later you'll end up doing both, but it'd be much easier to get the ball rolling on Facebook. You're not a stranger to this person since you've gotten your introduction out of the way so you won't be working from scratch. It'll be a cinch.

2: Nah, it's not weird or creepy unless the actions themselves are weird or creepy. Initiating conversations and arranging get-togethers are good beginnings, but nailing confessions to his front door or burning your name in his yard might be a little too...Well, just don't do that.

Renpuu September 11th, 2013 1:15 PM

Girls need to make the first move more often ! Just go for it..he'll think it's his lucky day !

Captain Gizmo September 11th, 2013 1:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sydian (Post 7805213)
Ew, mushy lovey advice.

Anyway, ugh I hate that I'm actually using this thread for something like this, but I'm really at a loss here and I'd like more a general answer than the ones I've gotten from specific people that I know really well.

1. Is it considered weird to talk to someone for the first time over Facebook, or should I keep pushing for face to face conversation? Like, actually carry a conversation. The "Hi, I'm so-and-so" I've had with them doesn't count as talking. I have social anxiety so talking to people isn't my forte, especially when I'm the one that is gonna have to take the first step here.

2. This is mainly aimed at guys, but girls can answer too really. Do you think it's weird when girls take initiative in talking to someone and making the moves? Does it come off as creepy or trying too hard or something? I've just generally noticed that guys tend to think that when girls try to get close to a guy, they're crazy or weird or psycho, but if a guy does it, it seems to be totally fine and cute. idk. I'm at a loss here. lol

I really can't believe I'm using this thread for this omg. v_v Good thing no one I know irl goes here.



1. You can do whichever makes you the most comfortable. Me and my girlfriend actually started talking via Facebook because of a post her cousin posted (I'm friends with him on Facebook). She then added me and then we talked for a couple of months and then we finally got to see each other in real life and now It'll be 4 years, this December that I've been with her.
So if talking by Facebook makes you feel better, do it by Facebook first and then when both of you are really comfortable with each other you can start seeing each other face to face more often. Because when you see someone face to face right away, either he's rushing things too fast or he's just a creeper. Just take things slow and see how things turn out.

2. Actually no, sometimes the guy is too shy or too afraid of the answers he might get from speaking to a girl first. My girlfriend is actually the first one to talk to me, so yea.
When you start talking to a guy, don't think of it as being creepy or trying too hard, just think of it as just trying to know him better since he sparks an interest in you.
As for saying that guys thinking that girls are psycho, weird or crazy for talking first, that's not really true. Guys likes it when girls talk first, they'll find it really nice and if the guy as a crush on you, he'll know that you trying to talk first really means you're interested in him or something like that.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Edit: Wow, I didn't realize Syd's post was from two weeks ago... oh well. Hopefully she reads this and she get some advice from it.

Danny0317 September 23rd, 2013 5:03 PM

Alright I'm having some family problems. My mom is very religious, and so is everyone else in my family. Except for me. I don't believe in god. I'm too scared to tell her cuz knowing her she will probably break my iPad and ground me for a really really long time. I'm only 13, she makes me go to church (and has every right to make me) but she also makes we waste some time out of my life going to some church retreats and has grounded me for defying the church or something like that) and I want the guts to tell her, just not getting my stuff confiscated/broken and punished... I don't know why she can't just understand... So anyone know a good way to just tell her. I don't mind not getting any Christmas presents because tbh I wouldn't deserve them. Should I just keep it in or tell her? And if I do tell her should it be before or after Christmas to kinda not ruin it for her?

Kyrul September 23rd, 2013 5:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Sneasel (Post 7846565)
Alright I'm having some family problems. My mom is very religious, and so is everyone else in my family. Except for me. I don't believe in god. I'm too scared to tell her cuz knowing her she will probably break my iPad and ground me for a really really long time. I'm only 13, she makes me go to church (and has every right to make me) but she also makes we waste some time out of my life going to some church retreats and has grounded me for defying the church or something like that) and I want the guts to tell her, just not getting my stuff confiscated/broken and punished... I don't know why she can't just understand... So anyone know a good way to just tell her. I don't mind not getting any Christmas presents because tbh I wouldn't deserve them. Should I just keep it in or tell her? And if I do tell her should it be before or after Christmas to kinda not ruin it for her?

I was in the same situation when I was younger. Catholic schools, all that crap. **** sucks man, there's not a easy way out of it. Honestly the best way to tell her is to just tell her, be polite and all but be stern enough to show that your serious. She won't take it well and I don't see anyway of getting around your stuff being confiscated. She'll try to reason with you about why you should be religious but don't give into it. You have a decision, either tell her, which is the best way to go but will lead to some unfair consequences, or wait till your 18 when she doesn't have a say in the matter anymore, then just live life how you want to. Either way it's a lose-lose situation unfortunately, but the second choice is the way you want to go if you don't want your stuff taken away. When you decide, stick with your opinion, don't let her tell you otherwise. Over time, she will forgive it, but it's definitely going to take time. Just don't handle it the way that I did. I just acted like a complete smart ass to our teachers, sleeping in class, cussing out everyone I saw, practically living in the Deacon's office. All that leads to is endless boring lectures and free crucifixes, making the situation worse.

Aeroblast September 23rd, 2013 5:34 PM

Yeah I agree with Kyrul, though personally I didn't really have an issue with christianity until not too long ago, I just got fed up with going to church because it was just so boring. Eventually my mom gave up trying to force me to go to that god damned place (irony is strong with this one).

Danny0317 September 23rd, 2013 5:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kyrul (Post 7846584)
I was in the same situation when I was younger. Catholic schools, all that crap. **** sucks man, there's not a easy way out of it. Honestly the best way to tell her is to just tell her, be polite and all but be stern enough to show that your serious. She won't take it well and I don't see anyway of getting around your stuff being confiscated. She'll try to reason with you about why you should be religious but don't give into it. You have a decision, either tell her, which is the best way to go but will lead to some unfair consequences, or wait till your 18 when she doesn't have a say in the matter anymore, then just live life how you want to. Either way it's a lose-lose situation unfortunately, but the second choice is the way you want to go if you don't want your stuff taken away. When you decide, stick with your opinion, don't let her tell you otherwise. Over time, she will forgive it, but it's definitely going to take time. Just don't handle it the way that I did. I just acted like a complete smart ass to our teachers, sleeping in class, cussing out everyone I saw, practically living in the Deacon's office. All that leads to is endless boring lectures and free crucifixes, making the situation worse.

Good thing I'm not in a Catholic School. I'm thinking about telling her soon, though. Like you said, no easy way around it so might as well get it over with.

Dullstar September 24th, 2013 7:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Sneasel (Post 7846595)
Good thing I'm not in a Catholic School. I'm thinking about telling her soon, though. Like you said, no easy way around it so might as well get it over with.

Be very careful about this. I'd think about a few things first. I've written a list of questions for you to consider. You don't need to answer them, since it's your decision to make. No one else can do it for you. However, if you do answer the questions , it might be easier to offer more specific advice.

1a) How do you fear your mother will react?
1b) Is there any sort of precedent that she has set that leads to you feeling this way?
1c) Realistically, how likely is she to react in the way you fear?

2a) For how long does she usually ground you?
2b) For what reasons? Be specific with yourself. For example, when you stated she grounded you for "defying the church," you must ask the natural follow-up question to that, which is, "In what way?"

3) Are you prepared to explain why you reached your decision? If your answer is no, do not bother approaching your mother about this.

4) Is your mom tolerant of other beliefs? It can somewhat be inferred "no" due to the grounding for "defying the church," but since you weren't exactly specific...

Sydian September 24th, 2013 8:32 PM

My sister was in a similar situation. When she was 14, she identified with the Deist (did I spell that right?) religion rather than Christianity, though I advised her not to tell my mom till she was older. She didn't wait too much longer, lol. She ended up telling my mom when she was 15. My mom didn't react too strongly to it, but she was still kind of thinking "oh it's some teenage phase, whatever." And she'd ask my sister where she thought our relatives that have passed ended up going.

I don't know your mom, though. She sounds like she has pretty strong reactions though, and while it sounds like you're willing to take them, I still feel that you should wait a while before you decide to tell her that. I wouldn't go as far as to wait until 18 to do so, but maybe do what my sister did and wait til around 15. I know you're ready to take whatever punishment may come your way, and that's bold. I commend you for it. But I'm just afraid it will mess things up with your relationship with your mom if you do it now. idk. Then again, maybe better to go ahead and get it over with.

If you are truly prepared to take what may happen to you, then I think you should go ahead and tell her. If you're not ready for it and you don't want a possible restrained relationship with your mom (remember, you're still gonna be living with her for quite some time! unless you can make other arrangements, lol) then I'd wait. It really depends on what you're ready to deal with.

Danny0317 September 25th, 2013 6:20 PM

I already did it. It actually went much better than I thought, even though now I'm grounded and still have to go to church. She started crying after I told her but she gets it. I also told her it was kinda stupid and that she was wasting money sending me to church retreats (that cost around $200) because they weren't going to affect me at all. She also said I needed a "liberation" or something like that in the church. I think it was worth it though, and if I could go back in time I would still do it.

Kura September 26th, 2013 4:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Sneasel (Post 7849723)
I already did it. It actually went much better than I thought, even though now I'm grounded and still have to go to church. She started crying after I told her but she gets it. I also told her it was kinda stupid and that she was wasting money sending me to church retreats (that cost around $200) because they weren't going to affect me at all. She also said I needed a "liberation" or something like that in the church. I think it was worth it though, and if I could go back in time I would still do it.

I wouldn't say retreats don't affect you.. you learn some valuable skills, meet some great people, and can accomplish things by going to them, including learning more about yourself and more self reflection.
Glad it went great but I wouldnt be so quick to write everything off- you can still benefit from even the church as it can provide a community that will be there and I think church bake-sales (to raise money for the needy) are a fantastic way to learn new things and be involved in helping others. The church doesn't always have to be solely about God. ;3
Good luck!

Sydian September 26th, 2013 7:30 AM

I'm glad you're happy with your decision! Gonna kinda echo Kura here and remind you that church doesn't have to be all bad. I still believe in God, but I was never a fan of church myself. I only went to hang out with my best friend, who like me, believed in God, but hated going to church. So you may end up with other people in situations like you, or may not. But if you have friends in your youth group (I assume you're old enough to be in that group) then it'll be much more tolerable. :)

Silais September 27th, 2013 4:15 PM

I'm not sure if this kind of question is allowed, but I'll try anyways...

So for the past couple of days I've been urinating more than normal, and my immediate thought went to "Oh God, I'm pregnant". I don't have any other early symptoms of pregnancy, but frequent urination is one of them. I was sexually active up until about 10 days ago; I was on birth control and condoms were used the last time I had sex. Ever since I started being sexually active I'd been extremely worried about being pregnant, and having my period was such a relief each month. It's been 24 days since my last period and I'm on pins and needles waiting for it to occur or not occur. I'm not sure what I'm asking...I guess I'm just wondering what I should do? If I don't get my period after a week into October, what should I do?

I was as mature and careful about sex as I possibly could be, but...it may not have been enough. I realize the risks of having sex and know if I'm pregnant I am responsible for it. However, I'm not sure what to do right now. Again, sorry if this is a question that isn't supposed to be asked here.

Blade_of_darkness September 27th, 2013 7:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silais (Post 7852362)
I'm not sure if this kind of question is allowed, but I'll try anyways...

So for the past couple of days I've been urinating more than normal, and my immediate thought went to "Oh God, I'm pregnant". I don't have any other early symptoms of pregnancy, but frequent urination is one of them. I was sexually active up until about 10 days ago; I was on birth control and condoms were used the last time I had sex. Ever since I started being sexually active I'd been extremely worried about being pregnant, and having my period was such a relief each month. It's been 24 days since my last period and I'm on pins and needles waiting for it to occur or not occur. I'm not sure what I'm asking...I guess I'm just wondering what I should do? If I don't get my period after a week into October, what should I do?

I was as mature and careful about sex as I possibly could be, but...it may not have been enough. I realize the risks of having sex and know if I'm pregnant I am responsible for it. However, I'm not sure what to do right now. Again, sorry if this is a question that isn't supposed to be asked here.

First off, I want you to keep in mind that I'm a guy, & thus will never experience it myself.

Still, what I can tell you is, if your period hasn't come within a week's worth of time, you could either get one of those home pregnancy tests, or see an Obstetrician, if possible. That's considering that you've got regular periods, ma'am.

Quite frankly, since you've been taking birth control, I've heard that they might mess around with your periods from time to time, so that's also something to keep in mind as well.

If it turns out that you're not pregnant, & your still experiencing this frequent urinating, it's likely something to do with your bladder. That, or your drinking too much fluids.

Sydian September 27th, 2013 7:48 PM

I'm a girl, here I am to bless you. Anyway, birth control is supposed to regulate your period, but there are still times where it may slip up, especially if you don't take it at regular times (say you take it at 9 AM one day, 5 PM the next, 6 AM the next, etc). I'm on it for that, but I tend to forget to take it or I don't have the time and end up taking it at the end of the day, so that gets me off track.

If you used a condom last time you had sex and you're on your birth control though, I would think you'd be okay, unless that condom broke. Any recollection if that might have been what happened? I don't have any experience in this department though, so I'm not sure if a condom breaking is something you can really feel or notice afterwards or anything like that.

Also, do you have contact with the last person you had sex with? Just in case...you know. Father deserves to know, if that's what it comes to.

Silais September 28th, 2013 5:13 AM

Quote:

First off, I want you to keep in mind that I'm a guy, & thus will never experience it myself.

Still, what I can tell you is, if your period hasn't come within a week's worth of time, you could either get one of those home pregnancy tests, or see an Obstetrician, if possible. That's considering that you've got regular periods, ma'am.

Quite frankly, since you've been taking birth control, I've heard that they might mess around with your periods from time to time, so that's also something to keep in mind as well.

If it turns out that you're not pregnant, & your still experiencing this frequent urinating, it's likely something to do with your bladder. That, or your drinking too much fluids.
The last time I took birth control was a day before having sex with a condom. I had run out of pills and I needed my doctor to authorize the refill because it had been an entire year since I first got on the prescription. Since then, I've been having massive amounts of trouble trying to get the prescription refilled, but I haven't had sex since the last time. Birth control made my periods much lighter but it was always regular. Since it's been 2 weeks since I haven't taken it, I'm guessing it might be messed up because of the different hormones. I can't be sure though. I was planning on getting a pregnancy test the first week in October if nothing has happened.

Quote:

I'm a girl, here I am to bless you. Anyway, birth control is supposed to regulate your period, but there are still times where it may slip up, especially if you don't take it at regular times (say you take it at 9 AM one day, 5 PM the next, 6 AM the next, etc). I'm on it for that, but I tend to forget to take it or I don't have the time and end up taking it at the end of the day, so that gets me off track.

If you used a condom last time you had sex and you're on your birth control though, I would think you'd be okay, unless that condom broke. Any recollection if that might have been what happened? I don't have any experience in this department though, so I'm not sure if a condom breaking is something you can really feel or notice afterwards or anything like that.

Also, do you have contact with the last person you had sex with? Just in case...you know. Father deserves to know, if that's what it comes to.
The condom didn't break, I know that. As I said above, I hadn't taken birth control that day because I had run out of pills and couldn't refill it yet. They were the green/white pills that come after the three weeks of hormonal blue pills, so I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it.

The potential father would be my ex-boyfriend of a year. I haven't told him I'm worried about it because I have no real way of knowing if I am pregnant or not yet. He's the only person I've ever slept with, so at least if I'm pregnant I'll have no worries about knowing who the father is.

Nathan September 28th, 2013 6:01 AM

Dunno if I can ask this but have you thought of what you'd do if you were pregnant?

Sydian September 28th, 2013 7:36 AM

Quote:

The condom didn't break, I know that. As I said above, I hadn't taken birth control that day because I had run out of pills and couldn't refill it yet. They were the green/white pills that come after the three weeks of hormonal blue pills, so I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it.
Medically speaking, I have no clue what the odd colored last pills do, I just remember them as the "lol you could manipulate your schedule if you take these every other day" pills cause those are what usually initiate your period starting. That being said though, I have had times where I've taken those last four and moved onto the next pack and still not started. That's not often, but it happens, so maybe that's what you're going through.

Silais September 28th, 2013 4:59 PM

Well, my desire to urinate is gone, so I'm wondering if it was just the coffee I had early that day or dehydration. I should start my period by October 4th, so I guess we'll see.

Sandshrew4 September 28th, 2013 7:23 PM

All these grown up questions XD

Ok, homecomings around the corner, and I couldn't care less. Which poses a problem. There is a girl I know who has made it so blatantly obvious that she wants to go to homecoming with me, and I don't know what to do.

Worst case scenario: Homecoming becomes a stepping stone and she wants to get in a relationship or whatever, and I do not want that.

Best case scenario: I go, eat a lot, we're friends.

Pros: Uh...there'll be food? Also I won't break her heart or whatever happens in this situation. And she's a nice person.
Cons: I don't want to dance. I don't want to take the chance of this escalating into anything more than a friendship. I don't really want to pay money to do something I don't think I want to do.

Keep in mind I'm very ignorant in this subject and haven't actually been to homecoming or anything like it before.

Esper September 29th, 2013 8:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandshrew4 (Post 7853703)
All these grown up questions XD

Ok, homecomings around the corner, and I couldn't care less. Which poses a problem. There is a girl I know who has made it so blatantly obvious that she wants to go to homecoming with me, and I don't know what to do.

Worst case scenario: Homecoming becomes a stepping stone and she wants to get in a relationship or whatever, and I do not want that.

Best case scenario: I go, eat a lot, we're friends.

Pros: Uh...there'll be food? Also I won't break her heart or whatever happens in this situation. And she's a nice person.
Cons: I don't want to dance. I don't want to take the chance of this escalating into anything more than a friendship. I don't really want to pay money to do something I don't think I want to do.

Keep in mind I'm very ignorant in this subject and haven't actually been to homecoming or anything like it before.

Have you talked with her about your concerns? Like "Hey, I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now, but we'd be cool as friends and I'd like to go with you, but I'm worried about the cost of it all since I'm not into dancing." Just, speaking your mind to her, being honest. You could find out she only wants to go because she likes you and doesn't care about homecoming at all otherwise. Or not. Point is, you don't know.

And if, for whatever reason, talking about it makes things worse, well, that's what happens sometimes, but talking usually leaves you feeling better about things because even in a worse case scenario you won't be left with those "What ifs" and wondering what might have happened.

But don't just take my advice. Get a second opinion.

Mana September 29th, 2013 8:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandshrew4 (Post 7853703)
Ok, homecomings around the corner, and I couldn't care less. Which poses a problem. There is a girl I know who has made it so blatantly obvious that she wants to go to homecoming with me, and I don't know what to do.

Perhaps, if you have any dateless friends, you could all go as a group? That way you have extra people to fall back on and less pressure - it also makes the situation less 'date'y and more of a friendly environment.

And if you think she is getting the wrong idea another friend can bail you out.

Kanzler September 29th, 2013 9:05 AM

As a person who doesn't get involved in these things, I usually need a person to drag me in. If it's something that you're not interested in, why not go for her sake? It's not like "escalation" is somehow inevitable, you can just go and see what's up, have a good time and all.

Sydian September 29th, 2013 2:25 PM

I think if you just explain you don't want to go as a couple-y kind of date, you'll be okay.

As someone that always avoided going to these things though, I really think you should go anyway. You may end up regretting it, as weird as that may sound! I just now started going to parties and stuff this year, and I've actually really enjoyed myself. I strongly recommend just trying to get a little out there and have fun. If it really makes you uncomfortable though, then don't bother. But it can't hurt to try. Homecoming things in high school usually aren't too big a deal anyway. But yeah.

Also, lol another ~teensy~ thingie here from me...how do I tell someone they're cute without sounding like a weirdo? :3c I'm just afraid this person is already aware I think they're the cat's pajamas and has preconceived notions about me, but I mean, I could be wrong. I just worry and assume a lot of the time and that's what makes this way harder than it should be. Plus, this person has plenty of heads turned, so I'm worried that kind of compliment wouldn't mean anything, cause I think he gets it a lot. ;( 21 and still having problems that 11 year olds have yay!

Nathan September 29th, 2013 3:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sydian (Post 7854827)
Also, lol another ~teensy~ thingie here from me...how do I tell someone they're cute without sounding like a weirdo? :3c I'm just afraid this person is already aware I think they're the cat's pajamas and has preconceived notions about me, but I mean, I could be wrong. I just worry and assume a lot of the time and that's what makes this way harder than it should be. Plus, this person has plenty of heads turned, so I'm worried that kind of compliment wouldn't mean anything, cause I think he gets it a lot. ;( 21 and still having problems that 11 year olds have yay!

If I understand well, you want to know how to tell a guy he's kinda cute without seeming obviously in love with him?

Sydian September 29th, 2013 3:43 PM

Quote:

If I understand well, you want to know how to tell a guy he's kinda cute without seeming obviously in love with him?
Pretty much. Not in love with him, though lol. That's way too strong a phrase to use. I just really like him and would like to get to know him better, but I kind of suck at that. :D

Nathan September 29th, 2013 4:03 PM

Well in my opinion(that can be wrong), you don't really have to, especially if you're just looking to know him better. I mean he could think it's just what every girl do. If you don't know him really well, it could seem weird and random to him. But if you guys are good friends, no problem.
Anyway, avoid the use of "hot" and "sexy" with a man as that could lead to unwanted ideas if you see what I mean.
I don't have a lot of advices sadly since those things just come naturally and I suck at those kind of things. Very shy myself. I hope I've been helpful in any way.

Sydian September 29th, 2013 4:18 PM

Quote:

Anyway, avoid the use of "hot" and "sexy" with a man as that could lead to unwanted ideas if you see what I mean.
That's why I've been using cute as an example. Obviously you save those for much later. ;) Thank you though~

Edit: Also, he knows who I am and we've had a few interactions, so it's not like I'm a totally random person that he's never heard of. So I don't think it would be too terrible to tell him he's a cutie pop. Not like that though but lol.

Esper September 30th, 2013 8:46 AM

You could just tell him "Boy, you're the cat's pajamas."

Really though, you can only control what you do. Can't really control how someone reacts to something so there's always that risk. Communication's a two-way street and all that. So, what I'm saying I guess, is which is more important, telling him or not looking weird?

Kanzler September 30th, 2013 8:55 AM

This isn't just a simple compliment, is it? I'm thinking if it was, it would've been done and over it, no discussion.

Sydian September 30th, 2013 10:48 AM

Quote:

Really though, you can only control what you do. Can't really control how someone reacts to something so there's always that risk. Communication's a two-way street and all that. So, what I'm saying I guess, is which is more important, telling him or not looking weird?
I'm sure he'd take it fine, now that I think about it. He's a really nice guy, and I know that when my friend would tell him he looked nice on days he dressed up, he was really nice and appreciative and not like...a jerk or anything haha. So I guess I wouldn't look too weird.

Quote:

This isn't just a simple compliment, is it? I'm thinking if it was, it would've been done and over it, no discussion.
Talking to people is never a simple task for me, so. :P

Thanks fellas!

Silais September 30th, 2013 4:22 PM

So any of you guys in college or college graduates? I'm a double major with CJUS and PSYCH and am a sophomore in college. I'm also balancing my honors program, which is quite a bit of supplementary classes. I'm actually taking three honors classes this semester to get them out of the way ASAP. I feel a bit overwhelmed with my double major and the honors program, but I'm (suicidally) considering taking on a sociology minor too. Do you think this is a good idea? I'm already pretty swamped with classes and credits I need, but I'm really interested in sociology and I feel like it'd be good for my transcript and it would give me some more experience for the job I want to do—being a corrections counselor or someone who works in prisons/rehab centers/detention centers.

Thanks guys!

Kanzler September 30th, 2013 5:01 PM

I don't think it'll be too bad, the subjects line up with one another pretty well. It's much better than computer science + math, or economics + math, or whatever else. You're probably taking the more social aspect of psych vs bio eh? Also, what's an honours program?

Silais September 30th, 2013 5:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7856587)
I don't think it'll be too bad, the subjects line up with one another pretty well. It's much better than computer science + math, or economics + math, or whatever else. You're probably taking the more social aspect of psych vs bio eh? Also, what's an honours program?

The honors program is just a...well, a program for honors students :P. I'm not sure how to describe it, but my gen ed's are different and my curriculum is a bit different. I can drop the program any time I want, but it looks good to have completed it.

Here's the link to my honors program page: http://www.usd.edu/academics/honors-program/honors-curriculum.cfm

Kanzler September 30th, 2013 5:54 PM

Fine arts? Are you kidding me? Lab science? But the honours courses are well rounded and good for developing critical thinking and writing skills. Looks good!

At the end of the day it comes down to your judgement of your own ability - and I didn't want to pass the buck but I just did :P From my experience though, minors tend to be less intensive than majors - not only are you doing less coursework, it's a lot more general, and a lot more sleep/party/lazy-able :P It'll be good for developing context and perspective <-- cliche but true.

SmashBrony October 1st, 2013 9:09 PM

I have never been able to move my tongue very well...
Pretty much all it does is taste...

This is a problem because the majority of the people I talk has a difficult time trying to
figure out what I'm saying & I often have to write I what I said down...

Because of this, I had always been too nervous to even try to get a job, because for
as far as I know, EVERY job requires verbal communication in one way or another...
(I'm am SO grateful that I have a loving family...)

I would like to get a job, so I can make money so I can actually do stuff,
But what can I do?

I thought of maybe creating a new game & getting someone I trust to publish it for me,
but that's such a long shot...

As for what caused me to be this way, I heard that my mom was in an accident while
pregnant with me...
There's a name for my problem, but I forgot it...

King Carnivore October 2nd, 2013 5:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silais (Post 7856508)
So any of you guys in college or college graduates? I'm a double major with CJUS and PSYCH and am a sophomore in college. I'm also balancing my honors program, which is quite a bit of supplementary classes. I'm actually taking three honors classes this semester to get them out of the way ASAP. I feel a bit overwhelmed with my double major and the honors program, but I'm (suicidally) considering taking on a sociology minor too. Do you think this is a good idea? I'm already pretty swamped with classes and credits I need, but I'm really interested in sociology and I feel like it'd be good for my transcript and it would give me some more experience for the job I want to do—being a corrections counselor or someone who works in prisons/rehab centers/detention centers.

Thanks guys!

A sociology minor might be an ok idea with your majors, but an even better idea would be to find some sort of internship at a prison/rehab center/probation office, if you can. It would be easy to get in, especially if you're double majoring with honors classes, and even if it's one day a week for a semester it's still really valuable experience, more valuable on a resume than a minor in sociology. If you go to USCourts.gov (I'd link you fully but I don't have enough posts yet) there's a section specifically for internships and it tells you how to apply.

Stoney: I'll be honest, making a new game is not really a viable option unless you're already making money or have it saved up. Maybe you can find a data entry/programming job where you don't have to talk to many people? You'd probably need some education/connections through other people who can vouch for you, and maybe get through one little interview, but there are jobs where you don't have to communicate too much. :)

SmashBrony October 2nd, 2013 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by King Carnivore (Post 7858817)
Stoney: I'll be honest, making a new game is not really a viable option unless you're already making money or have it saved up. Maybe you can find a data entry/programming job where you don't have to talk to many people? You'd probably need some education/connections through other people who can vouch for you, and maybe get through one little interview, but there are jobs where you don't have to communicate too much. :)

Actually, the game I had in mind is a table-talk RPG, like Dungeons & Dragons...
(I'm making the game anyways because I want to play it, but publishing it is a whole
different story...)

What kind of jobs?

Kanzler October 2nd, 2013 1:49 PM

You can mow lawns and plant trees and do extra sweaty manly stuff :P And you won't have to go to the gym anymore ^^ They're odd jobs, but yunno. That's all I can think of right now though. Maybe you could learn a trade, and work in a company. You supply your skills, and the rest of the company handles all the stuff you're not comfortable with.

Silais October 2nd, 2013 6:10 PM

Ah, college woes...

From personal observation I can say that I'm probably one of the most unattractive girls on campus. What's an ugly girl to do when it comes to dating? I doubt any of the guys here would be interested in lowering their standards enough to go out with me; am I going to be one of those women that has to date online exclusively?

Kanzler October 2nd, 2013 7:04 PM

If you can get laid it's alllll good lol. I haven't, and I'm older than you. That's all that matters.

Silais October 2nd, 2013 7:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7860269)
If you can get laid it's alllll good lol. I haven't, and I'm older than you. That's all that matters.

I'm not really looking to just get laid...

Kanzler October 2nd, 2013 7:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silais (Post 7860293)
I'm not really looking to just get laid...

I didn't mean for it to come across that way :\ sorry >< all I'm saying is that it's not that bad not having a lot of dating opportunities :P and there are people getting by with worse opportunities. But honestly, I don't see why you'd have to do anything different. Just keep your game up I guess :P

Silais October 2nd, 2013 7:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7860299)
I didn't mean for it to come across that way :\ sorry >< all I'm saying is that it's not that bad not having a lot of dating opportunities :P

Well everyone and their mother has a boyfriend at my university, so I'm pretty left out. It's solely because of my lack of physical appeal.

Kanzler October 2nd, 2013 7:27 PM

I don't :| stop making me feel like i'm inadequate hmmph. Well, if it's solely the lack of physical appeal that's hurting your game, that's what you've gotta fix eh? Although I wouldn't put it that way myself.

Silais October 2nd, 2013 7:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7860309)
I don't :| stop making me feel like i'm inadequate hmmph. Well, if it's solely the lack of physical appeal that's hurting your game, that's what you've gotta fix eh? Although I wouldn't put it that way myself.

There's not really much I can do to fix it. I've spent years trying; I can't really change the shape of my face or my body without surgery. Which is why I'm holding out on winning the lottery someday!

Kanzler October 2nd, 2013 7:47 PM

How do you date? Teach me how ;D

Silais October 2nd, 2013 7:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlahISuck (Post 7860341)
How do you date? Teach me how ;D


I don't really know how, since no one has ever really given me the opportunity. I'm guessing I'm going to be one of those girls that's forever single and never gets to experience a normal part of life.

Kanzler October 2nd, 2013 7:52 PM

Tch, me neither. We're in the same boat, you and I :D Don't worry, he'll come along one day. That's sorta what I tell myself.

donavannj October 2nd, 2013 8:14 PM

Are you actively seeking a boyfriend or are you taking a passive approach to this? If there's a guy you really like, build up the courage to talk to him, then hang out with him to see if you're compatible, and if you like him quite a bit after that point, then ask him out. If you aren't really interacting at all with the opposite sex, that would be the real root of the problem right there! A lot of guys are quite shy about romantic matters and you may find out someone's had a crush on you the whole time and you didn't know it. Besides, hanging out with guys more will expose them to your personality, and they may very well enjoy being in your company to the point where they may ask you out, or you may enjoy their company so much that you may ask them out!

Of course, you may end up in the "friendzone", but it's better to try and be rejected than to not try at all when it comes to love, if companionship is something you feel you desire!

Esper October 3rd, 2013 8:26 AM

I don't have much experience with dating, but I do know that confidence is something that people find attractive. We each have our flaws and things that get to us, but I find it helps to focus on those things we have more control over and those things which we like about ourselves.

Even physically we can do a lot with what we have. We get to choose what kinds of clothes we can wear (assuming we can afford what we like), what we do with our hair, makeup, and that sort of thing. Not to say that without these things someone is unattractive, but that if you do yourself up in a way that pleases you you'll have that extra glow of confidence. But I do really think that personality is key and that's what it most attractive to people. I mean, yeah, you can't expect everyone to see things that way, but you can't expect everyone will be so shallow as to only look at looks.

Kura October 3rd, 2013 9:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silais (Post 7860316)
There's not really much I can do to fix it. I've spent years trying; I can't really change the shape of my face or my body without surgery. Which is why I'm holding out on winning the lottery someday!

You can change your posture, clothes, and attitude. You can work out to change your body- yes some things you can't change- like you can't suddenly shrink your breasts or grow a foot taller, but there are definitely things you can do.
Agreeing with Donavannj and Scarf here too.
How about taking an opportunity instead of just waiting to be given one? Put some effort into it too!


Stoney: I may sound harsh saying this but don't put all your eggs somewhere expecting someone else to publish your work. People want to spend money on their own ideas, and the only real chance you may have about getting funding is probably only through a kickstarter. Otherwise you are most-likely on your own. However, you seem like a smart guy so I am sure you can use that wit to your advantage, definitely!


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