Winter Writing Competition Judged by Slayr231, Bobandbill, and Astinus
I think we've gone too long without some sort of big writing challenge, so here's one now! Ready to impress the judges and PC alike with your amazing writing abilities? Great! But here are a few things to keep in mind:
Each entry must be a short story somewhere between 1,000 - 2,000 words.
These stories do NOT have to be pokemon related. However, please keep in mind that the judges may not be familiar with any other fandoms. Original fictions are also accepted.
These stories have to be brand new. They must not have been written before, and not posted anywhere else until judging is over.
Only one story per member.
Please no chaptered fics.
All stories are due December 14th, in other words, two weeks from now.
All stories must relate back to the prompt in one way or another.
Please PM your story to each of the judges for judging. The judges are Slayr231, Bobandbill, and Astinus.
Please post a comment here saying that you have submitted your story so the judges know if we're missing somebody.
Don't publicly post your story until all judging is over. Once the competition ends and the results posted, you may (and encouraged to) post your story in the main forum with [WWC] added somewhere in the title.
Have fun (obviously)!
If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Scoring
Each entry can have a maximum score of 30 per judge, with the points broken down into three categories equaling 10 points. Overall, the score will be out of 90. The categories are:
Spelling and Grammar Characterization, Plot, and Description Relevance to Prompt
There will be three different prompts since it has been brought to my attention that not everyone celebrates Christmas. Please choose one to write about. The different prompts are: Christmas
Family
Loneliness
Prizes Since this is probably the reason why all of you are here in the first place. Shiny, new emblems will be given out to the people that finish first, second, or third.
Incinermyn
December 1st, 2013 12:23 PM
Would a horror story be disallowed so long as it takes place on "Christmas?" I have a terrifying tale I've been wanting to write using one of my Fakemon and it's well suited for a "Christmas" tale since it's part Ice-type.
Nolafus
December 1st, 2013 3:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incinermyn
(Post 7964707)
Would a horror story be disallowed so long as it takes place on "Christmas?" I have a terrifying tale I've been wanting to write using one of my Fakemon and it's well suited for a "Christmas" tale since it's part Ice-type.
If it has something to do with Christmas, it's allowed. Just be careful about the "relevance to prompt" category. ;)
Incinermyn
December 1st, 2013 3:39 PM
It'll be relevant. I just don't like writing kindly fiction only because it's Christmastime.
Phantom
December 1st, 2013 8:55 PM
Now, how close to Christmas are we allowing? I mean. I could in theory post a story with a similar theme to Christmas, or maybe an abstract idea or Christmas, or even what Christmas means to the writer?
Another thing... not everyone celebrates Christmas... or winter holidays, for example, I don't. And the chances of me writing a fiction about Christmas are pretty low. I'm all up for a winter writing competition, but does it HAVE to be Christmas? I'm not Christian, and there are a good number of people on the site that aren't. Seems sort of bias.
Also another thing I find quite frustrating about the prompt is that not only do not all the writer's here celebrate Christmas, but a lot of FANDOMS don't. Like, I write a lot for Elder Scrolls, there's not Christmas in Tamriel. I write a lot for Dragon Age, there's no Christmas in Dragon Age (There's Satinalia, but that's different). I write for Mass Effect, which might have Christmas, except there are lots of aliens in game, also not Christian. Last time I checked there wasn't really Christmas even in Pokémon, not really. I write for A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) also no Christmas. You see the problem here? So either I'm forced to not write a fanfiction or hunt for one that falls into the parameters of celebrating Christmas, or I have to write an original work. Either way it's forcing a bit.
Nolafus
December 1st, 2013 9:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
Now, how close to Christmas are we allowing? I mean. I could in theory post a story with a similar theme to Christmas, or maybe an abstract idea or Christmas, or even what Christmas means to the writer?
All that stuff would work. Really, just as long as it has something to do with Christmas. I'm not looking for a bunch of different stories about a warm and fuzzy holiday season where a family gets together. I'm also looking to see where people take it. It could be about Christmas, the lack of Christmas, introducing Christmas into a fandom and seeing how different characters will react to it. There's a bunch of different things to write about, it's just a matter of how the writers word it that will determine a lot of my relevance to prompt score.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
Another thing... not everyone celebrates Christmas... or winter holidays, for example, I don't. And the chances of me writing a fiction about Christmas are pretty low. I'm all up for a winter writing competition, but does it HAVE to be Christmas? I'm not Christian, and there are a good number of people on the site that aren't. Seems sort of bias.
First of all, I know a lot of atheists that still celebrate Christmas, but that's a debate that should take place elsewhere. The reason I chose Christmas as a prompt wasn't because I thought everyone celebrated it, the reason I chose it was because I wanted to see where people would take it. If a change of prompt is going to happen, it's going to have to happen soon. I'm scratching my brain for other ideas right now, because I feel that you do bring up a fair point. I don't want winter as a prompt because that's a little too general and not really much of a challenge. If you have an idea, let me know and I'll decide whether or not to change it. I also don't want to upset Incinermyn since it sounds like he already has his story planned out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
Also another thing I find quite frustrating about the prompt is that not only do not all the writer's here celebrate Christmas, but a lot of FANDOMS don't. Like, I write a lot for Elder Scrolls, there's not Christmas in Tamriel. I write a lot for Dragon Age, there's no Christmas in Dragon Age (There's Satinalia, but that's different). I write for Mass Effect, which might have Christmas, except there are lots of aliens in game, also not Christian. Last time I checked there wasn't really Christmas even in Pokémon, not really. I write for A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) also no Christmas. You see the problem here? So either I'm forced to not write a fanfiction or hunt for one that falls into the parameters of celebrating Christmas, or I have to write an original work. Either way it's forcing a bit.
I feel like the point of writing challenges is to get people out of their comfort zones. If the prompt was something that accommodated everyone, then it wouldn't be much of a writing challenge. Some people are going to have an easier time with the prompt than others.
Phantom
December 1st, 2013 9:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7965587)
All that stuff would work. Really, just as long as it has something to do with Christmas. I'm not looking for a bunch of different stories about a warm and fuzzy holiday season where a family gets together. I'm also looking to see where people take it. It could be about Christmas, the lack of Christmas, introducing Christmas into a fandom and seeing how different characters will react to it. There's a bunch of different things to write about, it's just a matter of how the writers word it that will determine a lot of my relevance to prompt score.
Okay, I get that. I mean I figured as much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7965587)
First of all, I know a lot of atheists that still celebrate Christmas, but that's a debate that should take place elsewhere. The reason I chose Christmas as a prompt wasn't because I thought everyone celebrated it, the reason I chose it was because I wanted to see where people would take it. If a change of prompt is going to happen, it's going to have to happen soon. I'm scratching my brain for other ideas right now, because I feel that you do bring up a fair point. I don't want winter as a prompt because that's a little too general and not really much of a challenge. If you have an idea, let me know and I'll decide whether or not to change it. I also don't want to upset Incinermyn since it sounds like he already has his story planned out.
How'd 'ya know I was atheist? :P
Anyways, what about other religions that don't celebrate Christmas? I know a few that don't even celebrate winter holidays.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7965587)
I feel like the point of writing challenges is to get people out of their comfort zones. If the prompt was something that accommodated everyone, then it wouldn't be much of a writing challenge. Some people are going to have an easier time with the prompt than others.
Getting people out of their comfort zones is one thing, helping them as a writer and whatnot.
But holding a competition whilst doing so is putting those that do have particular issues with it at a distinct and unfair disadvantage.
Note, I'm not ragey or anything, just pointing things out.
Nolafus
December 1st, 2013 9:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
How'd 'ya know I was atheist?
Anyways, what about other religions that don't celebrate Christmas?
I just realized how closed-minded my answer sounded like. You do have a very good reason here to change the prompt, but I don't know what I would change it to. If you have a prompt that you feel would be more accessible to more people, but still provides a bit of a challenge, then say so and I'll switch it out. Within reason of course.
Phantom
December 1st, 2013 9:59 PM
Hmm. What about instead of having one prompt, having multiple? Maybe like three, that writers can choose from. That leaves Christmas still on the list - so those that have ideas don't lose them - but gives those who aren't that into the holidays/whatever alternative options?
Winter in general might not be a bad idea, I mean I can think of some things.
Nolafus
December 1st, 2013 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
(Post 7965631)
Hmm. What about instead of having one prompt, having multiple? Maybe like three, that writers can choose from. That leaves Christmas still on the list - so those that have ideas don't lose them - but gives those who aren't that into the holidays/whatever alternative options?
Winter in general might not be a bad idea, I mean I can think of some things.
Yeah, but winter doesn't really provide a challenge and in my opinion it's a little too broad. I mean, you could select that as your category and it would be extremely simple to write something about it. I do want to challenge writers, even if it's a little bit.
I added two new prompts that I feel are still a challenge, and still relate to the holidays in one way or another.
Vociferocity
December 2nd, 2013 5:05 PM
are we allowed to enter even if it's not winter where we are? ;)
Nolafus
December 2nd, 2013 5:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
(Post 7967098)
are we allowed to enter even if it's not winter where we are? ;)
I keep forgetting that below the equator it's just getting to summer. In that case, please hold off you writing for six months, then we should be good.
I'm kidding of course. It's getting to Christmas, so at least that's still relevant. Just pretend it's getting colder. Turn on the AC or smother yourself in ice cubes. Either way, you're writing will be accepted. :P
TurtleKing
December 2nd, 2013 6:33 PM
Won't be participating this time around due to final exams (blah), but I want to wish all you guys that are participating the best of luck!
Chocolate™
December 2nd, 2013 10:53 PM
Would it be okay, if I made a story under all three of these prompts.
If so here's a mock story:
Prompt: Loneliness.
Rating: R
The Lonely Waffle
There was once a lonely waffle.
Astinus: <sniffs> You're a superb writer.
bobanbill: Best story ever.
Slayr231: The deep psychological impact that story has on you is mind blowing.
Rukario: Here, i make you the owner of PC.
TD: Woohoo!
Nolafus
December 2nd, 2013 10:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TD
(Post 7967620)
Would it be okay, if I made a story under all three of these prompts.
If so here's a mock story:
Prompt: Loneliness.
Rating: R
The Lonely Waffle
There was once a lonely waffle.
Astinus: <sniffs> You're a superb writer.
bobanbill: Best story ever.
Slayr231: The deep psychological impact that story has on you is mind blowing.
Rukario: Here, i make you the owner of PC.
TD: Woohoo!
You might not win PC, but you did make me laugh harder than I have for a while. XD
Each story has to be under one prompt. Can themes from all three be in there? Yes, but you must decide on one prompt for the judges to base the scores off of.
txteclipse
December 3rd, 2013 12:56 PM
I've got two things to mention. The first is that you could change "Christmas" to "holidays". Even though I celebrate it, I recognize that Christmas is somewhat exclusive.
The second is that Christmas is very, very canon. On that note, for many people, the winter go-to holiday is Christmas, whether they're specifically religious or not. Plenty of atheists celebrate Christmas in a non-religious way, for instance. As an entrant, everyone is going to have to keep that in mind. While there's nothing wrong with using another holiday (indeed, this may make for a unique story), you run the risk of your readers not having enough familiarity with your choice, which will ultimately make it harder for them to connect. Just something to ponder.
Nolafus
December 3rd, 2013 1:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by txteclipse
(Post 7968496)
I've got two things to mention. The first is that you could change "Christmas" to "holidays". Even though I celebrate it, I recognize that Christmas is somewhat exclusive.
The second is that Christmas is very, very canon. On that note, for many people, the winter go-to holiday is Christmas, whether they're specifically religious or not. Plenty of atheists celebrate Christmas in a non-religious way, for instance. As an entrant, everyone is going to have to keep that in mind. While there's nothing wrong with using another holiday (indeed, this may make for a unique story), you run the risk of your readers not having enough familiarity with your choice, which will ultimately make it harder for them to connect. Just something to ponder.
That's what the other two prompts are there for. If someone doesn't want to write about Christmas, then they can choose from one of the other prompts.
As far as relevance to the prompt, I'm pretty open-minded about that. Each one of the judges have read a lot of stories, and have a pretty good understanding of the multiple viewpoints on Christmas. There's hundreds of different viewpoints on Chrisstmas and how it can be interpreted, and to be honest, I'm looking for some of those different viewpoints.
I'm keeping Christmas there because there are two other prompts that can be easily brought back to just about any holiday really.
Chocolate™
December 4th, 2013 10:16 PM
Would it be fine to post a story around 3000 words. I think that's the minimum word count my story will have.
Nolafus
December 4th, 2013 11:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TD
(Post 7971023)
Would it be fine to post a story around 3000 words. I think that's the minimum word count my story will have.
Nope, I have to enforce the word count with this one. It's part of the challenge after all. It's all about being precise with your word choice and really making every word count.
Incinermyn
December 5th, 2013 3:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7971098)
Nope, I have to enforce the word count with this one. It's part of the challenge after all. It's all about being precise with your word choice and really making every word count.
How strict are you going to be about it? I can write within a 1000-2000 word limit, but I'm afraid of your counting method. It doesn't include the title (and, when applicable, sub-titles), does it? That, in and of itself, would be dumb since titles aren't part of the actual story's content. Otherwise, is there like a degree of lenience (like if your a few words over or short of the limit)?
Nolafus
December 5th, 2013 6:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incinermyn
(Post 7972357)
How strict are you going to be about it? I can write within a 1000-2000 word limit, but I'm afraid of your counting method. It doesn't include the title (and, when applicable, sub-titles), does it? That, in and of itself, would be dumb since titles aren't part of the actual story's content. Otherwise, is there like a degree of lenience (like if your a few words over or short of the limit)?
I'm not going to be overly strict about it, but I can't speak about the other judges. I doubt they're going to be mean about it, but if you don't follow the word count, then a few points might be deducted depending on the severity. When counting the word count, I only count the story itself. Titles, authors notes, and subtitles do not count.
Astinus
December 5th, 2013 7:28 PM
To answer for myself: I don't care about the word count. The only thing that's important is that your story is as long or as short as it needs to be. If that means that you're over 2000 or under 1000, I don't care. Just worry more about telling a decent story to impress me.
Vociferocity
December 5th, 2013 8:29 PM
if you guys (judges) decide to be strict about the word count, could you maybe link to the word count program/site you're going to use to check our fics? not everything returns the same result.
Phantom
December 5th, 2013 9:15 PM
Gah, anything I write will be way over 2k, so I think I'm out for this one folks.
Nolafus
December 5th, 2013 9:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
(Post 7972824)
if you guys (judges) decide to be strict about the word count, could you maybe link to the word count program/site you're going to use to check our fics? not everything returns the same result.
I'm just going to copy&paste everything into microsoft word. I don't really care about the word count either. I only put it there so that we don't receive novels as entries. Although I will dock a couple points if it goes way over.
Phantom
December 6th, 2013 8:45 PM
What about, I don't know, say like 4-5k?
Nolafus
December 6th, 2013 9:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
(Post 7974367)
What about, I don't know, say like 4-5k?
That's probably when I'll start docking points. I can only speak for me, but 4k is pushing it. You can still turn it in by all means, but just don't be surprised if a couple points are deducted.
Astinus
December 6th, 2013 10:37 PM
Let me just reiterate that Slayr might be the only judge to dock points for going over the word limit. I will not be counting words. This means that you'll get points from me based on the quality of your story, and you can go as high as you need to without fear that I will be docking points from you.
I'll drag bobandbill in here to give his opinion.
bobandbill
December 7th, 2013 4:35 AM
For me, the challenge is to write a story in that as stated in the first place. I personally am not the greatest fan of such limits (something I'd blame on school, I suppose), and believe that the story should be as long as it needs to be to, well, tell the story. So I won't dock points unless it really is too short, or the more likely scenario of being noticeably way longer than 2000 words. I'm willing to be even more (or less) lax with that, but that's how it stands for myself.
Maruno
December 7th, 2013 4:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astinus
(Post 7974533)
Let me just reiterate that Slayr might be the only judge to dock points for going over the word limit. I will not be counting words.
Yeah. I mean, what's the point of rules if you're not going to enforce them? There's already been a "debate" about the prompt (which, now that you can completely ignore Christmas/winter in the "Winter Writing Competition", seems quite useless), and now a disregard for the word limit (or at least a major flexibility to the point of disregard).
Which other rules can we break?
Nolafus
December 7th, 2013 12:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maruno
(Post 7974905)
Yeah. I mean, what's the point of rules if you're not going to enforce them? There's already been a "debate" about the prompt (which, now that you can completely ignore Christmas/winter in the "Winter Writing Competition", seems quite useless), and now a disregard for the word limit (or at least a major flexibility to the point of disregard).
Which other rules can we break?
I would just like to say that this is my first time running a writing competition. Since this is my first time, I don't want to create impossible boundaries that no one can follow. That's why I'm being so lenient with everything. Plus, I want to get as many people to join as possible. FF&W isn't the most popular board, and lately it's had a reputation of only being for the writing types. Meaning, if you don't take writing seriously, you aren't allowed. I hate the stigma and the best way to break it down is through fun, little events like this one. Like I said before, this is my first time running a competition and I want to avoid creating impossible boundaries. In other words, this is sort of a test for me. Once I feel more confident with running competitions, you can be sure I'll reinforce the rules a little more strictly because I know that they will be fair. In the meantime, however, I'm just testing various aspects.
txteclipse
December 7th, 2013 2:55 PM
Just to address the general sentiment in this thread, the idea of a word limit is two-fold. The first is that it makes it a bit easier on the judges because they don't have to either a) read through a ton of text or b) deal with entries that clearly demonstrate a lack of effort. The second is that staying within a word margin is challenging. A big part of writing is choosing your words carefully and cutting out everything that doesn't need to be there. It would be easy to word-vomit a story out for a competition like this and send it off. It requires a lot more care and attention to stay within the boundaries, which typically produces much better work.
In terms of breaking rules, Slayr has stated he will enforce the word limit. You will lose points if you break said limit. The penalty may not be very harsh since only Slayr is docking points for that, but the result is you won't be eligible for the maximum possible score if you go over or under.
Therefore, everyone's going to have to decide whether they can write a "better story" with more (or less) words, possibly earning more points overall than they lose for length. It's a tradeoff.
bobandbill
December 7th, 2013 6:15 PM
To be honest, I'd rather people send in something that's outside of the word limit then not try at all. The point of this competition is not to prove you are the best writer in the forum or anything, it's just a fun activity to try and drum up activity, is all. I don't really see much of a problem in the word limit not being a major loss of points if you write a good story anyway out of it, and give it a go. So why try and discourage people and go against the point of the event? So I think it makes sense - you go out of the limit significantly, you may get some point reduction. Nothing that will rule you out of winning if you do a great job with the story, but if you're in the limit, you won't face the penalty from at least some judges.
And as txt said, it is preferably if you don't give us a epic to judge so we can get the results done sooner. =p
Nolafus
December 7th, 2013 9:55 PM
Alrighty people, judging for the stories will begin in one week! So be sure to get them in sometime in the next seven days if you plan on participating! :D
Sam89
December 8th, 2013 2:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by TD
(Post 7967620)
Would it be okay, if I made a story under all three of these prompts.
If so here's a mock story:
Prompt: Loneliness.
Rating: R
The Lonely Waffle
There was once a lonely waffle.
Astinus: <sniffs> You're a superb writer.
bobanbill: Best story ever.
Slayr231: The deep psychological impact that story has on you is mind blowing.
Rukario: Here, i make you the owner of PC.
TD: Woohoo!
That was the best story I've ever heard in my life. Also the saddest.
bobandbill
December 9th, 2013 7:21 PM
Posting to say that I got the entry sent in by Kiddinq.
Astinus
December 9th, 2013 8:38 PM
I got the entry as well from Kiddinq.
Nolafus
December 9th, 2013 8:58 PM
Consider Kiddinq's entry received! :D
acatfrommars
December 10th, 2013 7:39 AM
Um, when is the deadline for this? I want to enter but am busy until Winter Break.
Nolafus
December 10th, 2013 7:57 AM
All entries are due December 14th. If there is a lack of entries, an extension on the deadline will be given.
acatfrommars
December 10th, 2013 8:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7980922)
All entries are due December 14th. If there is a lack of entries, an extension on the deadline will be given.
Okay, thanks. Don't write fafication much but will try to get something in. :)
Meganium
December 10th, 2013 9:00 AM
Posting to let y'all know that I am participating and will get my entry in before or on the deadline date. :)
Best of luck to those who enter!
Nolafus
December 10th, 2013 9:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruce Banner
(Post 7980956)
Okay, thanks. Don't write fafication much but will try to get something in. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axeliira
Posting to let y'all know that I am participating and will get my entry in before or on the deadline date. :)
Best of luck to those who enter!
Sounds good to me! I look forward to all of your entries! :D
Incinermyn
December 10th, 2013 8:18 PM
I'll try to have my entry in before the deadline, but I'm suddenly busy at work with the Christmas Rush, so I can't guarantee it.
Vociferocity
December 10th, 2013 9:54 PM
I'm working on my entry, fingers crossed I get it done in time!
Just curious: how many entries have been sent in so far? Just the one all the judges confirmed getting?
Nolafus
December 10th, 2013 10:00 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incinermyn
(Post 7981895)
I'll try to have my entry in before the deadline, but I'm suddenly busy at work with the Christmas Rush, so I can't guarantee it.
Well I sure hope you can get it done in time!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
I'm working on my entry, fingers crossed I get it done in time!
Just curious: how many entries have been sent in so far? Just the one all the judges confirmed getting?
Since you are supposed to comment here once you have submitted your entry, it is a good chance if a story has been submitted, a comment about it lies here. So yes, only one entry so far. :P
Chocolate™
December 11th, 2013 3:42 AM
I don't think I'll be able to finish my story by Friday as I have exams. So I guess I'll be dropping out. If there is a deadline however then I'll try to get my story up.
Kiddinq
December 11th, 2013 3:19 PM
o___o -suddenly feels pressured- DX I'm teh only entry T__T
Ozymandias
December 11th, 2013 6:27 PM
lol i just saw this seeing that i'm not really active in this section of the forums XD
I'm just starting now and seeing that I have exams next week and a couple of tests later this week I don't think i'm gonna finish in time but, if it does so happen that the deadline is pushed back hmu so I know :3
Nolafus
December 11th, 2013 7:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddinq
(Post 7983041)
o___o -suddenly feels pressured- DX I'm teh only entry T__T
That just means you'll automatically win! XD
Don't worry, if there is a deadline push, I'll let everyone know via VM.
Captain Oshawott
December 11th, 2013 8:03 PM
I'm currently working on an entry, and I definitely will be having it up in time. Just busy refining it and making sure everything works out fine.
Phantom
December 11th, 2013 11:22 PM
I literally just started mine. I'm probably gonna go over the word limit a bit. I literally just started like ten minutes ago and I already have five hundred words and I haven't even given the main character's name yet...
Meganium
December 12th, 2013 8:19 AM
Posting to let the judges know that I've submitted my entry!
Nolafus
December 12th, 2013 10:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axeliira
(Post 7984184)
Posting to let the judges know that I've submitted my entry!
Posting to let Axeliira know that I've received your entry! :D
Captain Oshawott
December 12th, 2013 11:02 AM
Posting to confirm my submissions are sent. Best of luck to the other participants :D !
Nolafus
December 12th, 2013 11:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Oshawott
(Post 7984406)
Posting to confirm my submissions are sent. Best of luck to the other participants :D !
And I have received your entry as well!
Astinus
December 12th, 2013 11:52 AM
I've received both Master Oshawott's and Axeliira's entries.
bobandbill
December 12th, 2013 3:00 PM
^ As have I. Good work on getting them in!
Phantom
December 12th, 2013 11:21 PM
Reposting...
My entry is in! Sent it to all three of you, just to be sure! It's an original work, and I'm quite pleased with it.
Nolafus
December 12th, 2013 11:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990
(Post 7985347)
Reposting...
My entry is in! Sent it to all three of you, just to be sure! It's an original work, and I'm quite pleased with it.
Alright, I got it! And you said you weren't going to finish it on time...
Phantom
December 13th, 2013 12:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7985357)
Alright, I got it! And you said you weren't going to finish it on time...
INSPIRATION HAD PLOT BUNNY BABIES IN MY HEAD, ALL RIGHT?
I totally didn't write that through the night.
Astinus
December 13th, 2013 12:18 AM
I received your entry as well, Phantom! Congratulations just on finishing.
Vociferocity
December 13th, 2013 12:27 AM
1300 words so far, almooost done....and about to head out to go to a gig, haha. what time zone/time is the deadline? I don't wanna be too late :(
Phantom
December 13th, 2013 12:31 AM
Also, curious as to when judging will be done.
Astinus
December 13th, 2013 12:36 AM
Depends first on if we extend the deadline or not. After that, it just depends on how long each judge takes on reviewing the story (whether they do full reviews or quick number scores). I will say, from previous experience judging writing contests here, that we're rather swift about reviewing and getting the results in. No one will be waiting for months for the results.
Nolafus
December 13th, 2013 12:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
(Post 7985399)
1300 words so far, almooost done....and about to head out to go to a gig, haha. what time zone/time is the deadline? I don't wanna be too late :(
Let's just say Pacific Time (US & Canada) because that makes it really easy for me! :V
Vociferocity
December 13th, 2013 1:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 7985413)
Let's just say Pacific Time (US & Canada) because that makes it really easy for me! :V
just checking my timezone site's right: it's only just the 13th for you? & what time is the deadline?
Nolafus
December 13th, 2013 1:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
(Post 7985424)
just checking my timezone site's right: it's only just the 13th for you? & what time is the deadline?
Correct! It's currently the 13th and has been for the past hour or so. I'll draw the deadline at 11:59 PM on the 14th. If your submission comes in at 12:01, I guess I'll take it. :P
Vociferocity
December 13th, 2013 1:47 AM
awesome :)
edit: done! I sent it in, let me know if it didn't come through
Nolafus
December 13th, 2013 5:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
(Post 7985451)
awesome :)
edit: done! I sent it in, let me know if it didn't come through
I'm all excited for the judging and see everyone elses' works! :D
Nolafus
December 14th, 2013 11:47 AM
Alrighty people, last day to get in your entries!
Maruno
December 14th, 2013 4:14 PM
Posting to confirm my entry. It's the first thing I've written for ages, so we'll see how it goes.
This makes mine the sixth entry (seventh if you count TD's "The Lonely Waffle").
Nolafus
December 14th, 2013 4:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maruno
(Post 7988057)
Posting to confirm my entry. It's the first thing I've written for ages, so we'll see how it goes.
This makes mine the sixth entry (seventh if you count TD's "The Lonely Waffle").
I got it!
"The Lonely Waffle" was disqualified for being too perfect. We all know it would have won, so to give everyone a fighting chance, we're not going to be scoring it. :P
Astinus
December 14th, 2013 5:46 PM
I got your entry, Maruno!
bobandbill
December 14th, 2013 6:55 PM
And have my confirmation post too of the above. And my axe!
Nolafus
December 15th, 2013 3:44 PM
The entry time is now closed! Please stay tuned for when I announce the results!
Edit: I just got all four of my wisdom teeth removed and I'm pretty doped up on drugs right now, so the results might take a little longer than what they normally should. Just thought I should let you know in case you were wondering why it was taking so long.
Phantom
December 18th, 2013 9:12 PM
Ah, that sucks. Do we have an ETA on when the judging will be done?
Astinus
December 18th, 2013 10:15 PM
I haven't even started reading anything yet. I will starting Friday, and I'll probably be done either that day or the following. That's only if I do quick read-throughs and don't share my full thoughts about the stories. If everyone's fine with waiting a little longer, I have three days off next week from work (25th, 26th, 27th) and will be done with what's keeping me busy this week. That means that I can really focus on getting the best reviews for each entry.
Don't know about the others. That's where I stand.
bobandbill
December 18th, 2013 10:49 PM
I've read through most of them and made a few quotes of each of those too. Reviews aren't yet started, but I know what I want to say so that's something.
Vociferocity
December 18th, 2013 11:04 PM
christmas is a pretty hectic time for a lot of people, so I don't think there's any rush
Phantom
December 18th, 2013 11:57 PM
Though I do think that before the 25th would be a good thing, since it is a 'winter writing' competition, and Christmas is a prompt, might be cool to have them readable on the forums by then.
Meganium
December 19th, 2013 8:47 AM
I don't want to rush the judges at all, so I would rather have the results until after Christmas so that way with all the Holiday rush and all that right now, it's better to feel less pressure afterwards.
Nolafus
December 19th, 2013 11:34 AM
I'm starting to come off my pain meds, so I'll be sure to start reading entries sometime soon. Sorry for not starting sooner, but I doubt you wanted feedback like this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drugged up Slayr231
It wsa beutifull!1! Teh endin maed me crt!one1 Thsi wins alskdjfnvlbjeal!
And yes, this was actually taken from my comments from when I tried to review one of the stories.
Kiddinq
December 19th, 2013 4:37 PM
They key word is that you tried! :D
Phantom
December 19th, 2013 8:43 PM
Actually, Slayr, that would have been quite entertaining.
I request that review. :P
Astinus
December 27th, 2013 10:55 PM
Giving an update just in case anyone was wondering how things were going.
I finished my reviews and scoring, sending them off to Slayr. Both bobandbill and Slayr have to finish their reviews.
Phantom
December 28th, 2013 12:57 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astinus
(Post 8008077)
Giving an update just in case anyone was wondering how things were going.
I finished my reviews and scoring, sending them off to Slayr. Both bobandbill and Slayr have to finish their reviews.
Oooo, I'm excited.
Good to hear, I was wondering for a while there. But I heard you guys were all super busy, real life and all that.
Nolafus
December 28th, 2013 2:53 AM
Yeah, the last thing my relatives are going to do is let me have some time to myself, but the last of my relatives left today so I'm almost done. Don't worry!
I would just like to thank you guys for being so patient. You guys are awesome for that.
bobandbill
December 28th, 2013 3:14 AM
I can have them done tonight too (mostly looking over for the most part). Tomorrow at worst.
Nolafus
December 28th, 2013 5:07 PM
The Results!
Before we get to who places where, I would just like to take the time to thank you guys for your participation and patience. The judging took a lot longer than I expected, and you guys were really patient with us. For that, I thank you.
The other thing I would like to say is that the quality of these fics were outstanding. Every entry more then exceeded my expectations on how these were going to turn out and it's only because you guys put so much effort into these stories that this turned into a real competition. Now that the results are out, why not head on over to the main section, post your story, and read some of the other entries once they're posted? From the entire judging panel of Astinus, Bobandbill, and me, we would like to thank you guys for your time and participation. Now let's get to the results!
Okay, a nice love story about moving on and unexpected surprises. Although, I felt like this story was rushed. I think the word count really hurt this story and I hope that you will take the time once this is done to expand on it because it is a nice story. It just required a lot more than 2,000 words to accomplish what you were trying to get across.
There were also a lot of mistakes when it comes to grammar and the plot itself. I’m not going to point out all the instances because this is just a small review and not on the main forum (hint, hint), but the biggest mistake was this:
Quote:
Defeating Bugsy was a piece of cake.
I believe you mean Burgh, seeing as Terence is traveling through Unova.
A lot of the mistakes could have been picked out with a simple proofread a day or two after you wrote it. It will help tremendously with these sort of things and is totally worth it.
All in all, not a bad story. Although, I think you got a little ambitious with what you wanted to get across. I would highly recommend proofreading it, adding more to the story now that the word count isn’t in affect, and post it in the main story for all to see.
I'm rather upset because I feel the word limit hurt this story. It seems like there's more to Terence and Luna's story, and more time could have been given to building up their relationship before the journey (to understand just what Luna meant to Terence so readers see why he's in love with this girl that strongly), how Terence moves on in his life after worrying for months over this girl he's in love with, and how their meeting afterward went.
Or maybe I'm just a sap over these kinds of stories.
So I'm hoping that maybe, after reading through the reviews, you can extend this a little more without having to worry about staying under a particular word count or under a short deadline.
Mechanics-wise, there were quite a few issues throughout the piece. There were compound sentences, where sentences that should have been split were merged into one sentence. I think quite a bit of these issues would have been caught by a quick read-through before submission, especially in cases like this one that made me pause:
Quote:
Defeating Bugsy was a piece of cake.
Since Terence is fighting through Unova, I don't think he'd be fighting Bugsy.
The story of this I do like, but as I said, the rushed quality to the writing hurt it . If there was more time devoted to the relationship, that would have helped the story. Also, maybe just a little bit more of the two Eevee being included to further parallel the two characters, to show more how important these two critters were to the trainers, since asking what Luna's Eevee evolved into was the last bit of communication Terence had with Luna.
I do commend you on not having Luna's Eevee evolve into Umbreon.
You have the basis for a good story in here. It just needs the time to develop and grow more.
Bobandbill:
Spoiler:
Spelling and Grammar: 6/10 Characterization, Plot, and Description: 6/10 Relevance to Prompt: 8/10 Total: 20/30
You had an interesting beginning to the story. Nice slow reveal of details to keep the story moving. And I liked the general premise of the story too. There were some particularly nice touches too - such as both of them having Eevee, with Terence's having the odd cameo every now and again (although I don't feel its evolution in the end had added too much to the story's main plot). And it did well with the theme of loneliness without being in the norm of the sort of stories I would expect for that.
The first of my two main complaints is that it may have been overdone, in the sense that the protagonist's lust for Luna seemed too full on, too stalker-ish due to the amount of description going on about how great she was, and how emotional he was over her. Maybe cutting down on that would have helped the character be more reasonable, as well as shorten the story (as you did mention you went a bit over). Some of it felt unnecessary, or at least did not add much more to the story given how much his feelings for her were established.
My second qualm was with the ending, as it felt rushed somewhat. The large time skip and sudden happy resolution did seem somewhat left field and left a few too many questions unanswered (namely, why did she stop responding and only showed up now?)
Quote:
But we do not know what to evolve it into....at least I don't even know myself.
Nitpick - not sure if 'it' is the right word for one to use about their own first Pokémon - a gendered word (he/she) would fit better imo.
Quote:
She had black hair, always on a pony tail, and that's because she's constantly working. Not labor work, but she's hands-on into everything. She had green eyes, had semi-dark skin that seemed like she tanned herself every day.
This was somewhat repetitive - She had ___, She had ___. The description was a bit listy (although understandable in this case), but nonetheless twice like that in three sentences is a bit much, and makes it sound more like a, well, list, than a story. It interrupts the story pace in a way.
The last sentence is also a run-on. Fixable by having an 'and' in place of 'had' (...green eyes and semi-dark skin...).
Quote:
My parents thought that Luna may be a mysterious stranger who may plan to take my Eevee, more so a Team Rocket grunt. There were reports of grunts using the internet to steal their Pokemon. It's too hard to convince them, even showing them her picture won't do a thing.
The same with the last sentence - it's a run-on. A comma doesn't quite work in linking up those two parts (generally, a comma is used, for instance, before names/nicknames, to separate adjectives, for listing objects, or to go before one of the 'fanboys' - for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). A semi colon or new sentence works better here.
Quote:
I had completed the third gym, my Eevee is starting to show some signs of evolution but won't tell when she'd evolve.
Same here. I think here a new sentence works best (...third gym. My Eevee is...).
Quote:
Defeating Bugsy was a piece of cake.
I think you mixed up things - he was in Unova, not Johto.
Quote:
My Tranquill was a little overleveled but I cannot risk him to get shocked by Elesa's Zebstrika for the billionth time.
I'm not so sure how levels (or at least the idea of something being 'overlevelled') translated too well in a story like this, to be honest...
Quote:
I finished in the top 8, losing to a younger trainer with an uber-leveled Pikachu and an Emboar.
Same here, with uber-leveled. Nitpicky, I suppose, and maybe subjective, but it doesn't sound quite right.
Quote:
As I opened the door firmly, the first I saw was a little boy, wearing a red cap, a blue coat, sweatpants and snow boots.
An example of describing too much - what he wears doesn't actually add to the story here, so you could have gone without this description.
Overall I did enjoy it - it just needs some tidying up. Hopefully these comments shall help!
In 5th place!:
Mister Oshawott: Christmas for Mr. Cellophane
Slayr231 - 25/30
Astinus - 23/30
Bobandbill - 23/30
I really liked this story, it made me smile. I thought it captured the essence of Christmas very well and I like how you incorporated things from our world, like Frank Sinatra, and put them in the pokemon world. It’s a neat thing that doesn’t happen often in fanfics.
There were some issues with grammar here and there. Not a whole lot, but there were some misused words every once in a while. Just try to remember which version of your/you’re, there/their/they’re, and all those kinds of words you want to use and it should help a lot. None of us can catch everything, but just keep these things in mind while you write and that should solve most of the problems.
Plot wise, I liked it, even if it is a bit clichéd. I would have liked to see more of the backstory and a little more emotion in why he hates Christmas. I mean, I can see why he doesn’t like Christmas, but I just can’t quite see why he hates it. I think the word count played a major role with this. Even so, I thought it flowed well and wasn’t rushed. One thing I was surprised about was how well you wrote the big realization about what Christmas was all about. I thought you did a very good job with that section and I really enjoyed it. Overall, a good story, but it needs a bit more with the backstory.
And that was the day his heart grew three sizes too big!
A cute, simple—if somewhat clichéd—story about someone finding the true meaning of Christmas after dealing with their hardship of life.
Starting right off, there were quite a few grammar issues here. You seem to have a problem with homophones, where you used “your” when you meant “you're” or “it's” when you meant “its.” The trick to remembering which one of those you want is by using the full two words in place of the word you're confused on. For instance: “You are welcome” makes sense, while “your welcome” doesn't because you're looking for “you're” to contract “you are.”
Plot-wise, as I said, the story's been done before. There's always a Christmas story about an older person who learns the true meaning of the holiday by helping out those less fortunate than him. Personally, I would have liked to have seen more about why Blaine hates Christmas so much. This means just a little more about how badly he wanted a Pokémon, but couldn't get one because of his father leaving Kanto and his mother becoming sick. Have Blaine focus a little more on these thoughts as much as he did on meeting and helping the poor woman and her daughter on the side of the road.
(I'm asking if this was another unfortunate case of the word limit causing issues.)
It's a Christmas story that just needs a little grammatical help.
Bobandbill:
Spoiler:
Spelling and Grammar: 7/10 Characterization, Plot, and Description: 7/10 Relevance to Prompt: 9/10 Total: 23/30
And really, I'd say that character in the movie - if you ever saw it, I do not know - isn't a bad comparison to make of the main character in your fic, come to think of it. A guy who's not often seen, but one who still tries (tried?) to help someone out.
Overall? I quite liked the story. Nice description (the young girl for instance was rather cute, as was the Arcanine), a charming ending, and fitted well with the prompt. It did seem to work out a bit too well for my mind - how everything lined up so nicely (e.g. it's even fine for her to go home with him because the husband left years ago, seemingly too conveniently), although I suppose that comes with the challenge of making a story in the intended word limit. And a few small inconsistencies - for example:
Quote:
There it was, the absolute most perfect Poke’doll on the wall.
Here you went with the accented e, but then didn't use it for Pokéball. (As a side note, with presentation it's best to go for é rather than 'e - it just looks better. There's a few ways to create it). But all in all this was a solid entry.
Quote:
was surprisingly dark for a company that took pride in making it’s employee’s work practically year round,
This was a typo you made a few times - it's means it is, rather than something indication possession (its).
Quote:
“Don’t be rude to our guests, Blaine.” he replied sternly.
This was another consistent error. Here you would want to use something in place of the full stop in the dialogue - e.g. a comma (...Blaine," he replied sternly.). This is because what follows the dialogue is part of the same sentence rather than being an independent sentence. Note that you could use other punctuation like ! or ? in such cases (...Blaine!" he shouted) - just not full stops unless the sentence actually stops at the end of the dialogue (...Blaine." He walked out of the room.)
So for example, the following case:
Quote:
“It’s all in the spirit of the season sir.” he replied.
should also use a comma in place of the full stop. (Also, a comma before 'sir', as the person is being addressed by this title.)
Quote:
“That’s correct ma’am.” I replied, tears welling into her eyes.
And the same here. There's other examples, as mentioned.
Quote:
“Your welcome, I guess.”
You are welcome.
Quote:
“Who ready for some Christmas ham?” my mother called from the Kitchen, bursting through the door.
There's no need for kitchen to be capitalised - kitchen will do, as it isn't a proper noun.
I was also a bit unsure about the presentation you used on the Thirty Years Ago, etc, by using the quote boxes. Not bad necessarily, just... unusual to see. That said, the story could have done well without them in my opinion - best to convey time skips or flash backs within the story without breaking the pace by announcing them, in my opinion.
I really liked this little tale. A pokemon version of the Grinch! I’m a sucker for the “and they lived happily ever after” type endings, and I really liked how this one closed. The story flowed well, everything was explained clearly with no glaring errors, and it did make me smile. A wonderful poem for all pokefans to enjoy during the holidays.
As much as I did like it, I do have one main critique. There were some lined that seemed to stumble and thus ruin the flow of the poem and how it came across. There’s this whole syllable counting flow stuff with poems, especially for those that rhyme, that I’m not familiar with so I’m afraid I can’t help you out much in that sense. Even if I’m not familiar with it, it’s easy to pick and there were a lot of lines that seemed to be missing or had too many syllables. There were also a couple mistakes here and there, but I’ll mention that when you post this in the main section (hint, hint).
All in all, a neat poem. I really liked the charm that the rhyming brought to the table and the story itself is adorable. It just needs a little work with how the poem is worded at times. ;)
It's a cute little poem all about how Garbordor can find the true meaning of Christmas once it's shown some kindness. And it's been a long while since I reviewed a poem, so I'm kind of rusty.
Your rhyming scheme changed through the poem. You started with four lines rhyming together before moving onto the next set of four rhymes, but later on in the poem, you went with two rhyming lines together. The change was kind of jarring because poems typically have a pattern, and just when I was getting into the counting of rhymes one way, it switched to a different way.
Also, your rhythm seemed kind of...off in lines. A beat would get started, but a line would extend longer than it should or be shorter than it should be, and the beat gets thrown off. To me, it seems like you were more focused on getting the rhymes in than making sure the poem flowed.
But it is a little homage to How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Nikki, if she wasn't named, would have become “Cindy Loo Who” in my review.
Quote:
An Aspear berry, then said, ‘Let’s go meet my brother’.
This line had a grammar issue, where you used single quotation marks and had the ending punctuation outside the closing one. Every other instance you had double quotation marks and kept the ending punctuation inside the closing quote.
Bobandbill:
Spoiler:
Spelling and Grammar: 7/10 Characterization, Plot, and Description: 6/10 Relevance to Prompt: 8/10 Total: 21/30
A Pokemon version of The Grinch who Stole Christmas! Not a bad basis, certainly, and it did seem to have some Pokemon charm in it as well. It was also sweet with its ending, and the choice of Pokémon was fitting.. Kudos for taking on the challenge of a long rhyming poem as well!
I feel my main issues with the story were that it didn't differentiate itself enough from The Grinch format, and that the resolution didn't quite feel realistic or sensible enough. It was a bit much of a surprise that Tony was fine with accepting the Garbobor like that, given it had gone and stolen their stuff. I suppose it fits the theme of Christmas and love and so forth, but it would have been more satisfying and believable if there had been a different manner to the Pokemon gaining acceptance despite its actions.
Quote:
In the vast world of Pokemon, each trainer knows
That when it is time for Christmas, it’s also time for the snows.
I'm not too sure, but I think 'the snow' is the more oft-used term. I suppose this has to work given you have knows about though (unless you changed it to 'each trainer would know).
As said, you did a good job in keeping up the rhyming scheme throughout. At times though a pair of sentences didn't quite match up in length/syllables, or just the sound. For instance:
Quote:
To the edge of the town his walk brought him,
With no lights left on in the town, the scene was rather grim.
The inclusion of 'rather' I felt here extended the second line a bit too much, and 'the town' a second time is also repetitive. If you changed the second line to 'With no lights left, the scene was grim', I feel it would have worked better in partnering the first line.
Quote:
He cleaned out the food,
His actions were slowly bettering his mood.
Similarly here, although I feel the first line is too short now compared to the second one, rather than the latter being too long. It doesn't quite sound right, or quite matched when you read it out loud
Quote:
The Pokemon felt a new sense of Pride.
I think it is better to go with an uncapitalised pride.
Overall though I did enjoy the story, and it was a nice entry for the competition.
What? You can’t end it there! I wanted to see everyone’s reaction! D:
Still, a very nice story. It’s not often we actually get to see the pokemon interacting with each other like this, and I must say it’s quite refreshing actually. I thought the characters were great, a few parts made me chuckle, and I really liked the way you made them interact with each other. It added a charm to the story that really makes it unique.
There were a couple grammar mistakes here and there. Nothing too major, an extra comma here, a run-on sentence there, etc. the kinds of things that are very difficult to catch by yourself, so it’s nothing to sweat over.
The story flowed, and was polished. I didn’t notice any glaring errors and the story really had a charm. I really wanted Illumise to just slug Volbeat in the face and tell him to listen to her. Okay, maybe that’s a little too violent, but the characters is what made this story pop. Plus Linoone is one of my favorite pokemon, so you can’t really go wrong with that. ;)
It was cute to see all the different Pokémon come together to create Christmas for their trainers. They all weren't used to each other, but they worked together and listened to each other. Even Duskull with his quiet nature.
There were a few issues with grammar. A few sentences dragged on a bit longer than they should, and you could have split these into smaller sentences. This didn't hurt your story too badly, though. It's just something to watch out for.
Honestly, I think this is one of the few stories that wasn't hurt too badly by the word limit. There was just enough to get the story across, and it ended in the right place. You could have added a scene where the Pokémon worked through their differences getting the items together (like the scene with Volbeat and Illumise deciding on the presents) to show how this experience changed them, but it was no big loss not to have it in there.
And at least now everyone can have a Christmas in that Pokémon Center.
Bobandbill:
Spoiler:
Spelling and Grammar: 8/10 Characterization, Plot, and Description: 9/10 Relevance to Prompt: 10/10 Total: 27/30
Although I cannot speak for the other judges, this was my favourite entry and the highest scoring from myself, so have some personal congratulations. :p
This fitted the prompt themes (or well, one of them) the best out of all the entries, I felt - both using the theme of Christmas and manipulating it for the story itself quite nicely. I also really enjoyed the characters - that was the highlight of the story, I felt. From the bored nurse to, well, all of the Pokemon trying to help out despite their differences, it was great. I sort of wish there wasn't a word limit just to see more interactions between the Pokémon, haha. (And truth be told a bit of an urge to pick up an old fic idea of mine involving the sort too...) But yes - great characters, portrayed well despite each of their short screentime allocated - I daresay that's a sign of doing it right.
The description was solid throughout - nothing too overdone to distract from the story itself, which was too my liking. The plot is a bit simplistic, but it does as I say fit well with the theme, and it was carried decently too. Maybe a smoother transition between the second-last and last scenes is a nitpick I would make in regards to it.
But the ending itself was spot on in its delivery in my opinion. Just the right moment.
Quote:
The trainers had gone to bed early, Christmas Eve just another night when there was nothing to make it special, and Joy decided it was time to follow suit.
Perhaps it would have been better having this as two sentences (...to bed early. Christmas Eve...). That's a matter of opinion though as you can read it as one go given she's listing points. That doesn't excuse the missing 'was' after 'Christmas Eve' however. ;p
Quote:
Illumise's blue cheeks flushed darker, but she carefully ignored him, an awkward silence filling the stairwell.
This read somewhat oddly. I think a reword could be in order.
Quote:
Linoone was positive that the other trainer could already see Winston, nothing about the girl had implied that she had any kind of vision impairment, but she understood the rest of what he'd said.
A touch of a run-on sentence here. Again, two sentences would have imo been better (...see Winston. Nothing about the...).
A story about a neat perspective that no one really thinks about. I like it. I think writing this off of personal experience really added a layer of depth to the story that you can only get from that experience.
I didn’t see any grammar mistakes when picking through it, so that’s always a big plus and can often say a lot about the story itself, which it does.
The story flows, it’s polished, and there’s no plot holes to fuss over. I especially liked how down to Earth this felt. There wasn’t exactly a tension with the story, and yet I felt compelled to read on. The ending wasn’t this big flashy ending where they lived happily ever after, and yet it was satisfying. You have a unique combination of these ingredients that’s incredibly hard to pull off, yet here it is. The only critique that I have is that there’s not really much emphasis on Nick. I feel like it was really important, but I didn’t quite get the feel that I think I was supposed to get. Still, poor Nick. :(
A story has to be good when the ending makes me pause and reflect on things.
It's interesting that this story takes place around Christmastime, when the efforts of charity seem to double. (How often was “let's help the homeless people” the lesson of the day for family shows?) Despite this story taking place around Christmas, the homeless in this story are still left on their own with nothing, still invisible.
I particularly liked how real this felt, which makes sense given that it's based on your own life. Particularly the ending with Rodger and Bill, when they ask about Nick. Something most likely happened to the kid, and now he's lost to the three who last knew him.
Right now, I really can't think of much more to say about this story other than: You wrote an incredible story.
Bobandbill:
Spoiler:
Spelling and Grammar: 8/10 Characterization, Plot, and Description: 8/10 Relevance to Prompt: 8/10 Total: 24/30
Generally it was solid all over. It certainly felt real given your use of real world places (and experiences? Oh my). I felt that it did lack a little bit extra in places, however. This is being nitpicky, but then such is the nature of contests. =p It did fit the Christmas motif, but I don't feel it took full advantage of that idea, and had the time of year differed slightly it wouldn't have affected the story quite as much, imo. It also fits loneliness, but again not 'quite' to the extent that I would award more points for that.
The main character was interesting enough to read about, but not as engaging as he might have or could have been, and I felt that there hadn't been quite enough foreshadowing in the lead up to the twist. (However on that note, was there any intention behind the name of 'Nick', given the Christmas setting and last few lines?)
Quote:
especially downtown where the skyscrapers created wind tunnels that were like to blow you halfway down the block.
likely, perhaps?
Quote:
It stood probably fifty feet tall and was decorated for bear.
I was a bit confused by this line - unless you mean decorated for a bear/for bears...?
Quote:
A little boy was being dragged along by his mother, his little face was skewed in anger and his mother’s stern.
I think this would have been better as two separate sentences, as in its current state reads like a run-on sentence.
Quote:
Rodger was an old mechanic that had lost his job in the recession, his wife divorced him and his family ditched him when he lost everything. Bill was Vietnam vet who loved to tell his war stories and rant about how the government was screwing him over.
The same here with the first sentence. The second is missing an 'a' before 'Vietnam vet'.
Despite those minor things though, in relation to this:
Quote:
Hope you like it.
I certainly did. =)
Maruno: The Spirit of Christmas Slayr231 - 27/30
Astinus - 30/30
Bobandbill - 26/30
This is the most unique story out of the bunch, that’s for sure. XD
Although I see where Christmas and all that came into play, I didn’t feel like it was the main focus of the piece. I felt like it was more brain washing than anything else, but Christmas did still play a big role, so I can see where you were heading with this.
I have to say, I like how out of the box this was. This is definitely the most unique story submitted for this. I like unique and crazy ideas, so it’s a plus from me. Alien santa hats taking over people during Christmas? Now that’s a new one.
There weren’t any grammar mistakes that I could find, and that’s always a plus. Often times, you can tell how good a story is by the grammar, and that holds true here.
When I first saw that you entered, I was most curious about your writing style and how you would handle it. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that you were doing a lot of things right that a lot of people struggle with early on. The story itself fit together nicely. It didn’t feel rushed and one thing that I thought you did excellently was your ability to withhold information. You didn’t tell us from the beginning that something was amiss, you showed us, and that’s where I feel like the strength in this story lies. With the description and the amount of information that’s withheld until the very end. A nice job indeed.
I was looking forward to seeing your writing. And a part of me wasn't surprised by the Lovecraftian horrors that you produced.
Your description of the decorations was great, and I could see everything in my mind's eye. Jonathan's living room seemed quite cozy and inviting...until the hat started to attack. That's when a smile crossed my face, because this story amused me.
No major issues that I could see. I would like to know more about these tentacled creatures, like where they came from and why Christmas is so important to them. And if there are any creatures like them for other holidays. (Ones wearing rabbit ears? Or carrying around hearts?)
Bobandbill:
Spoiler:
Spelling and Grammar: 8/10 Characterization, Plot, and Description: 9/10 Relevance to Prompt: 9/10 Total: 26/30
A close second from my own judging. It was an amusing and darker take on the prompt theme, haha. And given a silly theory I came up with that also had to do with hats, this appealed to me all the more!
The general writing style was pleasing to read. Maybe a touch disjointed right at the end - the ending was nice, but the transition to the final paragraph was a touch off for me, and Jonathon's reaction to seeing his friend did seem a little bit lacking too. That aside, it was a nice subversion of the theme. Amusing - yet creepy - concept, and it entertained throughout. The description served its purpose well - although maybe the talk of the decorations initially felt a bit much to me, when I saw why it was so a few paragraphs later it certainly made sense and warranted it.
Quote:
There just hadn't been time for them to redecorate, and he hadn't heard any movement while he was brewing up. A chill ran down his spine, and at that moment he saw a movement.
'movement' twice in two sentences is a touch repetitive - maybe another word to replace one of them would have worked better.
Quote:
He had to move. He had to escape. His legs felt like concrete. He thumped his thigh, once then twice, and his legs were legs again. He darted around the hat and sprinted to the front door and outside.
Although I can agree with the usage of this to quicken the pace of the story, it seemed a bit too many of the sentences started with He or His in this section. A couple have been changed with that pace increase maintained (e.g. 'He had to move. Had to escape.').
Quote:
There's a hat and... it's..."
Maybe can be put down to the fact Jonathon is distracted, but I think he was trying to talk about the hat itself - so its, rather than it's.
Quote:
"Nonsense!" Pete marched over and thrust an arm around Jonathan's shoulders. "You've got time for a quick brandy, at least. Come on in."
Jonathan was marched inside,
Same deal here - 'marched' being the offending word to appear twice in quick succession.
Quote:
It was suddenly cold again, but there was no time to worry about that.
Nitpick - he was cold again, because it was already stated earlier the outdoors was cold, he had just been inside of late.
In closing, I felt this was a not-nice story that will scare many off mince pies and Christmas decorations. Well done. =p
Phantom
December 28th, 2013 9:03 PM
Cool! Thanks guys! And good job other entries! I really excited to read your stuff, I'm going to get posting it now!
Vociferocity
December 28th, 2013 10:08 PM
omg, third :D!!! congrats to the winners, I can't wait to read your stories! & I hope everyone else posts their stories as well, I really want to read what we all came up with :)
bobandbill
December 28th, 2013 11:53 PM
Hum, a tie. (I only knew the final results from reading this!). To be fair, it was pretty close, and in fact, in terms of overall quality from all entries I wager this is the strongest set I've seen (both for cases when I was a judge, and an entrant). That's pretty darn good.
So congrats to you all (and particularly the winners =p), and I hope our reviews were of use. Do post your entries so everyone else can check them out!
Vociferocity
December 29th, 2013 1:27 AM
oh yeah, I forgot to say: thank you so much to the judges for such in-depth and useful feedback! it's super useful, and also super cool, to know what you guys thought of our fics (speaking for everyone, deal with it :3)
Nolafus
December 29th, 2013 2:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vociferocity
(Post 8010041)
oh yeah, I forgot to say: thank you so much to the judges for such in-depth and useful feedback! it's super useful, and also super cool, to know what you guys thought of our fics (speaking for everyone, deal with it :3)
No problem, hopefully it makes more sense why the judging took so long. If we took this long to just give out numbers, then there would be a problem. :P
I think it was funny how Vociferocity's fic received the exact same score in all categories from all the judges. It was completely incidental, and a bit funny at that.
Vociferocity
December 29th, 2013 2:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slayr231
(Post 8010076)
I think it was funny how Vociferocity's fic received the exact same score in all categories from all the judges. It was completely incidental, and a bit funny at that.
I wasn't the best, but I was the most consistent!
Phantom
December 29th, 2013 4:10 AM
I just can't believe we all beat out "The Lonely Waffle", I mean. Just, wow.