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maccrash September 17th, 2014 10:55 AM

throughout my meager 16 years of existence I've kinda come to realize that it's better for me to wait until opportunities come to me than to gauge every girl that I meet on whether or not I'd date them immediately when I meet them. but I still do that anyway sometimes, I just can't help myself. really though I think I've been quite unlucky in that department -- most of the girls that want me I don't really want anything to do with, and most of the girls I want don't like me back! oh well. such is life.

Bellsprout September 17th, 2014 12:03 PM

My life dilemma currently is that I would like to have the ultimate "friend I can hang out with and have sex, but there are no feelings between us." I really don't want a relationship, but I have needs that I would like to be fulfilled by other than myself. It's easy to find a random to take care of that, but I don't enjoy one night stands.

*everyone ignores this post and continues like I never posted*

Alfieri September 17th, 2014 3:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Virgo (Post 8440317)
My life dilemma currently is that I would like to have the ultimate "friend I can hang out with and have sex, but there are no feelings between us." I really don't want a relationship, but I have needs that I would like to be fulfilled by other than myself. It's easy to find a random to take care of that, but I don't enjoy one night stands.

*everyone ignores this post and continues like I never posted*

I had my experiences with friends with benefits. It always led to disasters. I'd never want that kind of relationship again. x.x

Bellsprout September 17th, 2014 4:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfieri (Post 8440469)
I had my experiences with friends with benefits. It always led to disasters. I'd never want that kind of relationship again. x.x

I know which is why I'm so hesitant, also lack of friends I would want to sleep with. Which leads me back to nothing wahhh

Alex September 17th, 2014 5:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Virgo (Post 8440317)
My life dilemma currently is that I would like to have the ultimate "friend I can hang out with and have sex, but there are no feelings between us." I really don't want a relationship, but I have needs that I would like to be fulfilled by other than myself. It's easy to find a random to take care of that, but I don't enjoy one night stands.

*everyone ignores this post and continues like I never posted*

Joke's on you! I read it, and now I have something to say! Pretty sure that's what you wanted any way.

I have had one one night stand and I didn't quite like it. I felt weird about it the next day. Maybe it was because it was my first, and maybe if I went at it again I'd feel differently. But on the topic of FWB, I dunno if I could stand that. There was a time when I really wanted that, but knowing myself I think I'd cling. Especially if I happened to really get along with that person, I'd feel it inevitable that we should be together. But the idea behind FWB is no feelings from the very start, sooo I would just be miserable. So no ty.

must resist urge to joke about right hand

Radioactive September 17th, 2014 5:13 PM

Hmmm... A lot of potential relationships I've had just seemed iffy, like there was something missing that should have been there, I don't know. I'm a picky person when it comes to love I guess.

Kurono September 17th, 2014 6:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oryx (Post 8440038)
I got like....four notification for this because you kept editing it. :(

But everyone gauges whether or not they want to talk to people when they meet them, regardless of their relationship status, so that's kind of an empty sentiment. When you focus your efforts on enjoying yourself as yourself without worrying so much about finding someone, then people can tell that you're happy with yourself and they're more drawn to be around you. It doesn't mean ignore people, but treat people as people and not as potential partners.

The problem is not everyone takes the step to actually meet someone, which is what I'm getting at. If you're content to let things go easily it's not as easy to make a connection with a person. Of course, I'm just speaking from prior experience.

Bellsprout September 17th, 2014 9:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marz (Post 8440600)
Joke's on you! I read it, and now I have something to say! Pretty sure that's what you wanted any way.

I have had one one night stand and I didn't quite like it. I felt weird about it the next day. Maybe it was because it was my first, and maybe if I went at it again I'd feel differently. But on the topic of FWB, I dunno if I could stand that. There was a time when I really wanted that, but knowing myself I think I'd cling. Especially if I happened to really get along with that person, I'd feel it inevitable that we should be together. But the idea behind FWB is no feelings from the very start, sooo I would just be miserable. So no ty.

must resist urge to joke about right hand

Yeah my fear is wanting to cling if we got along well or even if they did and I didn't it would be annoying to deal with. I feel like it's almost impossible to have a fwb and have nothing happen. So yeah I'm not sure what to do. I might just take the boring route and focus on school unless something presents itself ;o;

never resist a raunchy joke

Radioactive September 17th, 2014 9:50 PM

I don't think I'd ever be able to accept having a sexual relationship with a woman without some sort of love involved. With men, I'd have trouble finding love, so having a FWB feels like the only option there.

Right now though most of my relationships in general are crumbling, from friends to family to my lover, even. I don't know where any of these things are headed and my head is spinning trying to grab a hold of them. :ι

Sirfetch’d September 17th, 2014 10:06 PM

*sees relationship chat*

/sobs in tears on lonliness.

Oryx September 17th, 2014 10:10 PM

Today is my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend :) So my advice on acquiring a relationship could always be flawed or out of date. But I know I got the most interest when I had good things going for me and was confident in myself and wasn't interested in a relationship, as I was leaving high school and heading to college.

Sirfetch’d September 17th, 2014 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oryx (Post 8440824)
Today is my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend :) So my advice on acquiring a relationship could always be flawed or out of date. But I know I got the most interest when I had good things going for me and was confident in myself and wasn't interested in a relationship, as I was leaving high school and heading to college.

I like this post because it makes sense. I've never thought about it, but would you say self confidence is the biggest key to starting a relationship as opposed to maybe having mutual interests? I feel like my lack of self confidence when it comes to meeting new people in real life can hold me back from starting relationships. Even with people who I have a LOT in common with.

Radioactive September 17th, 2014 10:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Powalen (Post 8440828)
I like this post because it makes sense. I've never thought about it, but would you say self confidence is the biggest key to starting a relationship as opposed to maybe having mutual interests? I feel like my lack of self confidence when it comes to meeting new people in real life can hold me back from starting relationships. Even with people who I have a LOT in common with.

Being overbearing isn't all too helpful either, though. Relationships in general are too complex between any two people for any sort of algorithm or equation to be made of it - think of it like a lock and key: in a social system people are out to find combinations that fit them well. That perfect fit may be your soulmate or whatever, hypothetically speaking, and friends may be people who fit you more closely than others.

Sirfetch’d September 17th, 2014 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radioactive (Post 8440842)
Being overbearing isn't all too helpful either, though.

I've learned that the hard way just with friends. I can be overbearing at times, but with good intentions! However no matter how good the intentions are I do realize how annoying this can be :[


also 5000th post! woo!

Aizuke September 18th, 2014 1:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Powalen (Post 8440828)
I like this post because it makes sense. I've never thought about it, but would you say self confidence is the biggest key to starting a relationship as opposed to maybe having mutual interests? I feel like my lack of self confidence when it comes to meeting new people in real life can hold me back from starting relationships. Even with people who I have a LOT in common with.

You don't get in a relationship hanging in the Friendzones now do yah?

Honestly, I'd say self confidence is great to have if you're looking for a relationship. Because it means you're confident with how you are and people admire and fall in love with those sorts of things. It also makes them feel confident about themselves too, and confidence = happiness.

But being too over confident is just as bad, seeing as how you become a jerk. But hey, some people are drawn to jerks.

All in all, just be you, you may have to climb out of your shell and feel awkward for a bit, but someone will walk past and recognize the potential you have inside and they'll fall in love with your inner and outer qualities that radiant from you.

Oryx September 18th, 2014 3:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Powalen (Post 8440828)
I like this post because it makes sense. I've never thought about it, but would you say self confidence is the biggest key to starting a relationship as opposed to maybe having mutual interests? I feel like my lack of self confidence when it comes to meeting new people in real life can hold me back from starting relationships. Even with people who I have a LOT in common with.

If you don't think you're worth loving, then someone with a ton of mutual interests will probably just be a friend to you! Alex is right though about relationships being complex and that no one can just say "this'll work" - for me there's always a "click" with someone I'm interested in dating that happens when we first meet. I guess it's chemistry or whatever; I can't date people that I didn't click with.

Alfieri September 18th, 2014 4:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oryx (Post 8440824)
Today is my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend :) So my advice on acquiring a relationship could always be flawed or out of date. But I know I got the most interest when I had good things going for me and was confident in myself and wasn't interested in a relationship, as I was leaving high school and heading to college.

But see the thing is, men are almost always the pursuer when it comes to a relationship. Several girls either want or don't want to be in one and they just live their life. The guys on the other hand, will find an interest in whatever girl and then go after them in hopes of a relationship. The girl then has to decide whether he's good or not.

TRIFORCE89 September 18th, 2014 4:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Powalen (Post 8440879)
I've learned that the hard way just with friends. I can be overbearing at times, but with good intentions! However no matter how good the intentions are I do realize how annoying this can be :[


also 5000th post! woo!

Yeah. I've learned that good intentions mean null, can be detrimental even, if the recipient of those intentions doesn't find them welcome or good.



How much longer until DCC returns to food talk?? :)

Oryx September 18th, 2014 4:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfieri (Post 8441022)
But see the thing is, men are almost always the pursuer when it comes to a relationship. Several girls either want or don't want to be in one and they just live their life. The guys on the other hand, will find an interest in whatever girl and then go after them in hopes of a relationship. The girl then has to decide whether he's good or not.

People really don't seem to get this - confidence and not actively looking for a relationship is not equal to sitting on your hands, not interacting with anyone new, and doing nothing. You can not be looking for a relationship, meet someone who's interested in you (there are signs, learn to read them), and then go for it. That's kind of the point; the point isn't to ignore anyone who might be interested because you're not looking for a relationship. The point is to have enough going on that you aren't trying to fulfill yourself or bolster your own confidence with a relationship, and then the relationship eventually happens naturally, because in the course of being your awesome self you meet someone else who's awesome and attracted to your awesomeness and you fall for each other.

Of course, there are plenty of people who find people through online dating which is the opposite of organic, but even there confidence is key in writing anything that will make people think "this person would improve my life by their presence", you know?

Shining Raichu September 18th, 2014 5:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maccrash (Post 8440277)
throughout my meager 16 years of existence I've kinda come to realize that it's better for me to wait until opportunities come to me than to gauge every girl that I meet on whether or not I'd date them immediately when I meet them. but I still do that anyway sometimes, I just can't help myself. really though I think I've been quite unlucky in that department -- most of the girls that want me I don't really want anything to do with, and most of the girls I want don't like me back! oh well. such is life.

You'll get one, if I have to punch out each one myself to make it happen.

Radioactive September 18th, 2014 6:10 AM

Things are really strange...

obZen September 18th, 2014 7:32 AM

When it comes to girls, I rarely "click"
It's been so long since I had a fun conversation where we were mutually interested
Even going out, people have been so damn uninteresting and shallow
I don't wanna take an Instagram photo drinking from a martini
That literally accomplishes nothing
I hate the pretensiousness

And forget online dating! Guys flock to girls on whim, yet you're going to allow this through the click of a mouse? Girls on dating sites get SO many messages, I honestly don't know how they maintain their sanity :/

Kurono September 18th, 2014 11:07 AM

to summarize:

interpersonal relations in humans are very much like interpersonal relations in the animal kingdom

sometimes you just do a little dance and make a little love and then you get down tonight, sometimes you'll get no satisfaction.

regardless, be yourselves and don't worry too much about it


The rolling stones and kc and the sunshine band, am i right?

blue September 18th, 2014 11:09 AM

Relationships.

Er......

http://www.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/joey-im-a-lone-wolf.gif

Bellsprout September 18th, 2014 6:33 PM

Trying out tinder again and a sexy man who holds fairly good convo keeps chatting with me from six miles away. Keep me in your prayers everyone.


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