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-   -   Do you consider gossiping a form of bullying? (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=350359)

Outlier June 10th, 2015 12:09 AM

Do you consider gossiping a form of bullying?
 
I mean by definition it is but it's so commonplace and in some cases even necessary. Like for example you can't really fault the mods of any particular forum for discussing troublesome members behind the scenes and stuff like that. Still in most cases gossiping can be seen as cruel even if the person being talked about never catches on to what is being said.

Do you consider gossiping to be a form of bullying? Is it a victim-less crime if they never find out? Have you ever felt bad after gossiping about someone in the past? Assuming you've ever done such a thing of course.

On the flip side have you ever found out that YOU were being gossiped about? What exactly were people gossiping about (if you're comfortable revealing that much) and how did you react to it?

Hikamaru June 10th, 2015 12:15 AM

As a person who is very sensitive about bullies, I consider gossip a form of bullying. I would absolutely want to murder anyone who's saying bad things about me from behind my back, because I often get angry when bullied and usually want to retaliate the one who set me off.

Outlier June 10th, 2015 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hikamaru (Post 8791452)
As a person who is very sensitive about bullies, I consider gossip a form of bullying. I would absolutely want to murder anyone who's saying bad things about me from behind my back, because I often get angry when bullied and usually want to retaliate the one who set me off.

But isn't murder a form of bullying too? Don't stoop to their level Hikamaru. You're better than that!

Hikamaru June 10th, 2015 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Introvert (Post 8791459)
But isn't murder a form of bullying too? Don't stoop to their level Hikamaru. You're better than that!

Figure of speech. I was badly bullied in my childhood so it's made me fear bullying to a huge degree, but yeah I have this bad tendency to lose my temper and bullying is often the culprit.

Dreg June 10th, 2015 12:55 AM

You don't know how much I get this, but it's all the time. And yes, I'd see it as bullying. Got something to say? Say it to my face.

Sun June 10th, 2015 1:18 AM

Gossip is bullying, it's one of those bullying actions that don't leave an obvious wound on a flesh, which is exactly like isolating a person.

Outlier June 10th, 2015 6:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucid (Post 8791622)
No, because not all gossip is bad gossip. Spreding negative rumors or secrets on the other hand is, because when you do, you aren't hoping for a positive outcome.

What about gossip that is negative but has nothing to do with rumors or secrets? Like venting to a friend about how much you hate someone or how annoying you find them? Or worse yet how ugly, stupid and smelly you think someone is.

Okay I know I'm resorting to childish examples with that last one but you get my point hopefully.

Keiran June 10th, 2015 6:42 AM

I love juicy gossip! Spill that tea!

I wouldn't consider gossip bullying unless it's done publicly like in magazine columns which tend to be negative and untrue. I hear a lot of workplace gossip and it's usually about things we can't believe other people did, or why someone got fired/quit, among other things but its always harmless. Haven't really encountered any bullying-ish gossip since High School, which was typically just false rumors meant to harm someones social standing, and upset them if they found out.

So I guess I would say gossiping isn't always bullying, but it can be used that way.

Nolafus June 10th, 2015 7:51 AM

It can be, but I believe it has its place.

If you're gossiping over something harmless like what Sally did over vacation, or why Bob was fired, then it really doesn't matter. It's a form of communication, and it allows us to vent any frustrations or find out what's going on within our social circle.

Now spreading rumors that aren't true can be considered bullying. Some that were spread about me was that I was in love with the unpopular girl (started because I was the only one who wouldn't bully her), that I liked to sneak into the girl's bathroom (obviously false, and not sure why this one even started. I didn't even go into the girl's bathroom accidentally), and that I was gay (well, not false, but I didn't want to accept it at the time). These rumors helped pushed me to bottom of the social ladder throughout middle and high school. People hated me for no reason, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop the rumors. People assumed I was lying when I denied them, and I didn't really have a lot of friends. So yes, I consider that a form of bullying.

Kotone June 10th, 2015 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nolafus (Post 8791844)
It can be, but I believe it has its place.

If you're gossiping over something harmless like what Sally did over vacation, or why Bob was fired, then it really doesn't matter. It's a form of communication, and it allows us to vent any frustrations or find out what's going on within our social circle.

Now spreading rumors that aren't true can be considered bullying. Some that were spread about me was that I was in love with the unpopular girl (started because I was the only one who wouldn't bully her), that I liked to sneak into the girl's bathroom (obviously false, and not sure why this one even started. I didn't even go into the girl's bathroom accidentally), and that I was gay (well, not false, but I didn't want to accept it at the time). These rumors helped pushed me to bottom of the social ladder throughout middle and high school. People hated me for no reason, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop the rumors. People assumed I was lying when I denied them, and I didn't really have a lot of friends. So yes, I consider that a form of bullying.

agreed! i don't think talking about someone in a bad manner is bullying. if you're just talking about what someone is doing, it's harmless. spreading fake rumors that are intended to hurt someone is bullying.
i always was bullied D:

starseed galaxy auticorn June 10th, 2015 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nolafus (Post 8791844)
It can be, but I believe it has its place.

If you're gossiping over something harmless like what Sally did over vacation, or why Bob was fired, then it really doesn't matter. It's a form of communication, and it allows us to vent any frustrations or find out what's going on within our social circle.

Now spreading rumors that aren't true can be considered bullying. Some that were spread about me was that I was in love with the unpopular girl (started because I was the only one who wouldn't bully her), that I liked to sneak into the girl's bathroom (obviously false, and not sure why this one even started. I didn't even go into the girl's bathroom accidentally), and that I was gay (well, not false, but I didn't want to accept it at the time). These rumors helped pushed me to bottom of the social ladder throughout middle and high school. People hated me for no reason, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't stop the rumors. People assumed I was lying when I denied them, and I didn't really have a lot of friends. So yes, I consider that a form of bullying.

I agree with this. Like said, it really depends on what is being said. Like, if you're starting a rumor saying "Oh, did you see how fat Veronica is? She's such a cow!", then yeah... that's bullying. If it's something that is bound to hurt the person who might hear what is being said about them... yes, I consider that bullying.

Bullying is something that hurts another person, whether it be verbally, physically or emotionally. So, the person gossiping about Veronica being a fat cow... that's considered bullying, but I think it's only considered that if 'Veronica' caught what was being said about her. If she never knows what is being said, I don't think it's considered bullying. It's really hard to say to be honest.

Gardevoir the Dragon Slayer June 10th, 2015 12:47 PM

If it goes to far yes, but lets face it most people Gossip.

Outlier June 10th, 2015 1:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucid (Post 8791809)
Nah, I get what you're saying! But also, no, that's venting. Venting is healthy, and pretty much everyone does at some point. You aren't saying negative things to try hurt or bully someone when you vent, just getting whatever is bothering you off your chest. Venting your frustrations about someone and gossiping about them are totally different, and I think most of the time when people vent, the things they say are exaggerated because they're angry or exasperated. And yeah, gossip can be much more harmful for kids in middle or high school, because those are times when reputations mean so much in your social standing, but as you get older, I find it the main way I keep track of what everyone is doing lol.

Venting can be healthy but one could vent in a way that's considered bullying too depending on how they go about it. Like if someone has a problem with someone who hasn't really done anything wrong to them but they choose to insult them and undermine their self-esteem anyway, that could be considered bullying even though they were just venting. Same thing if someone chose to vent their frustration by physically taking it out on someone who just annoyed them even though they were completely unprovoked. Directly insulting someone for their physical appearance, lack of social skills, hygiene ect could be considered bullying so I don't see why similar mean or malicious remarks behind someone's back wouldn't be considered the same kind of behavior even if it isn't necessarily rumor spreading.

Megan June 10th, 2015 2:09 PM

Gossiping is for people who don't have enough drama in their life. It's basically complaining about people who (assumably) have it better than those who create such gossip. As such, I tend to avoid such actions, I just can't allow myself to talk about someone behind their back.

Did someone else ever gossip about me? Probably, can't be avoided and I'm probably an easy target for such stuff; although, I might be too easy of a target for it. You know the saying about kicking a half dead puppy, or how ever the saying goes.

Outlier June 10th, 2015 3:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucid (Post 8792344)
I've been looking at a general way to answer this, but I can't. Plus this taps into one of my pet peeves I think you're getting at so... I think a lot of people confuse 'venting' with 'rattataing' and I'm so done with it. When you call up a friend to tell them how irritated or pissed at a person you are, you aren't talking muk. It's not the same thing. Gossip is spreading a rumor or common talk. If you're pissed, hurt, angry or disappointed at someone, there is nothing wrong with expressing that to a close friend. That's called relaying feelings. Conversation. Ya know? If a person hears about what you said and gets offended, well, speak to them directly, tackle the problem head on. Passive aggression leads nowhere.

Again, just my personal opinion.

I agree that not all gossip is "talking shit" but I see a lot of overlap between venting and bitching. The latter seems to be associated with more petty matters but both are ultimately complaining about something or someone. Like I said in the OP I can think of cases where gossip would be necessary, or seemingly justified now that I think about it further. But in most social contexts it just ends up being a means of making yourself feel better at the expense of someone's reputation and potentially their feelings. Talking behind someone's back is passive aggressive by the way.

That's okay I'm really not trying to out you for your opinion so I hope it doesn't come off that way. A lot of people share your opinion so I feel like I'm speaking to multiple people here. I'm not even saying that I've never gossiped so it's not like I'm excluding myself from these standards.

Outlier June 10th, 2015 4:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucid (Post 8792421)
I'm so over this gloomy muk. Whatever you said or didn't say isn't worth losing a friend over. People say awful stuff when they're mad and more awful stuff when they think no one will hear. All of you say your sorry. Humbling yourself is a beautiful quality, and it goes a long way. Stop being petty. Yeah, someone said something mukty, get over it. Friended are worth much more. I'm not gonna debate the merits of something so simple anymore.

Not mad. Just being real. ;/

What gloomy shit? Acknowledging gossiping as potential bullying? "Whatever you said or didn't say isn't worth losing a friend over." For the life of me I don't even know what you're referring to here. Yes but being emotional isn't a blanket excuse to say hurtful things or gossip and it's irrelevant to whether or not gossiping is considered bullying or not. "All of you say your sorry." I don't know what you mean by this either. What does being humble have to do with this and how am I being petty? I was only trying to say that negative gossip can be considered bullying. It's easy to say get over it on behalf of someone else. Just because gossip doesn't phase you doesn't mean it isn't bullying nor does it mean it's okay to do it yourself. Now at what point gossip becomes bullying I think is up for debate, which is what I was trying to have. You didn't have to debate this with me but I don't see the need to be so rude or hostile.

Outlier June 10th, 2015 5:46 PM

I get that you don't want to debate anymore but what did you mean by gloomy shit? Were you referring to something I said in this thread or my morbid personality in general? What did you mean by humbling myself and how was I being petty? Offended isn't the right word but I was taken back a bit and I'd like to know what you meant.

Her June 10th, 2015 7:54 PM

maybe it is bullying but i'm not gonna lie and act like i don't take part in it lmao

Sirfetch’d June 10th, 2015 10:23 PM

Moved this on over to The Round Table :)

Universe June 10th, 2015 11:07 PM

I'll be using "your" and "you" in here, but take it as generally speaking!

Gossiping is bullying and even venting is bullying if it exceeds a certain point.

For instance, if the gossip or venting begins to create drama, rumors, slanders someone else's name, involves people, it's bullying. Gossip was created to do all of those things, and it always ends up spreading like the plague. Often times gossip involves lies, too. Before you know it, a lot of people collectively believe the same thing/s about you and exclusively because of hearsay. No one knows if it's true for sure, but do they care? Are they going to ask you if it's sincere? Typically no.

Gossip is for people who don't have enough excitement or good times in their lives and, speaking honestly, want to torture other people.

Venting is another story. If you're just expressing your detest about someone to another person (maybe a few?) and letting off steam, no harm done. But if those words begin to spread to many people who become involved, whether it's from the source or not, then it becomes a problem. That's spreading slander about someone else, and only the source and the person involved actually know what's up. If simple venting reaches this point and suddenly multiple people are involved in your little emotional ride, it's bullying. Sorry, not sorry.

Only one side of the situation is being heard, and if a collective group of people "take your side" after the vent and create strong opinions about the opposing side based solely on your words: it's bullying.

I've been on the receiving end of both types of situations more than once. I do feel bad when I vent, because I know if the person could see what I'm saying they wouldn't like it. Because of that I rarely do it anymore, and only exclusively to close friends that I'm positive won't slander other people or spread that around.

Kanzler June 11th, 2015 12:04 AM

I think gossiping is fine until deceit, no matter how subtle, is involved. If you heard "such and such" from someone, make sure you say so.

twocows June 11th, 2015 5:47 AM

Some of it can be, but most isn't.

Even the stuff that is... that's just part of life. Learning how to cope with people being jerks is a part of growing up. As long as people are working toward making sure the rules themselves are fair and enforced fairly, the rest is just dealing with the kind of stuff you're always going to encounter in life.

Melody June 12th, 2015 6:51 PM

Depends on the type of gossiping. Not all gossiping is bad. We as humans are very social creatures and therefore have a baser drive to be sociable at times. Sometimes this means we talk about others when talking about ourselves or the other participants is awkward, improper, rude, or otherwise undesirable. It's remarkably easy to segue from one topic, to gossiping, to yet another topic too; so most people don't often realize they're gossiping when they actually ARE!

There's Innocent Gossiping: This pretty much entails anything 'Mundane' or 'Commonplace' in life. This category of gossiping excludes talking negatively about others; rather it's oftentimes nothing more than idle speculation between parties about a third party not included in conversation. In an ideal situation all conversing parties are aware they're just idly chattering and nothing they've come up with is either fact, believable or true about the subject; nor are they trying to actively, subtly, or passively slander or demean the subject of the conversation. Usually not bullying; unless they are discussing something that was supposed to remain secret.

Secondly there's Grey Gossiping: This kind of gossip is kind of the catch-all; maybe the participants who are having the conversation are not intentionally being malicious in their chatter, they're just not talking about something that's appropriate for them to be talking about and idly speculating on. This kind of gossip is borderline bullying; it may not BE direct bullying of someone but it might just incite such actions from the participants or other listeners.

Finally there's Malicious Gossiping: This is flat out any kind of gossip initiated with a malicious intention by any conversation participant against the third party who has no voice in the conversation. This is outright bullying; if someone isn't just venting their spleen to a close friend to get over it. It's definitely bullying if it's done too often!

Who's Kiyo? June 17th, 2015 12:10 PM

I don't know if what I do is considered gossiping per se but I certainly do love to speculate and share my opinions on things, even if I don't necessarily have anything to do with the situation. I would never go out of my way to slander a name and ruin someone's public reputation, because that's rude.

However, I think I do a lot of what Universe coined as Venting. I'm very particular about the people I like and don't, and by goodness gracious will I let you know about it. I'm very extroverted and I run my mouth a lot, but I make sure I'm using specific phrases when speaking to make sure the other person knows when and where I got my information, and everything I say is mainly from my own emotional reaction towards someone ... usually, I just talk about things I personally observe, and I get all weird about lying, so I only speak truth when it comes to something I feel emotionally. I also follow the cardinal rule: if I wouldn't say it to their face, I don't say it. Thankfully, I'd say anything to someone's face if the right situation came up. Of course, I have one or two people I will consistently dishonor, but that's because they personally trespassed against me.

Everyone will have opinions and ideas about people and situations, it's inevitable. Just know when you're invited to share your opinion and when you're not. And always make sure you have personal experience with the person at hand. Simply, don't be a jerk.


loner04 June 23rd, 2015 11:11 PM

as for me,gossip is bully.I just hate people who gossips.I've the urge to punch them in their face if someones gossip me


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