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Bay August 21st, 2016 4:49 PM

Oh, glad to see this is back! And well, the situation there isn't going well. The parts with her mother and aggron's capture caught my attention (pun not intended). Chihiro trying to "save" Zangoose is also a pretty disturbing scene. Seems she'll run into her downfall fairly soon.

I feel there were a couple parts were the transitions were somewhat rushed.

Quote:

She grabbed a makeshift leash, made of rolled-up curtains tied into rugged knots, and wrapped the loop around her mother’s neck. She frowned as her mother bounced at the end of her leash.

The feral pokemon wandering the streets kept their distance as Chihiro stepped around the filth on the sidewalks. She made her way to an abandoned convenience store, its windows shattered and its shelves overturned. [etc]
Here she went from tying her mother to wandering outside. Guess I would prefer a mention Chiriro deciding to go outside.

Quote:

Then she remembered her mother. In a panic, she started towards the city, but she stopped herself. This time, she sank to her knees and wept into the soggy leaves beneath her.

Chihiro stayed there until the rumbling of her stomach made her think of food. She almost teleported back to the city but realized that the humans might still be there. Instead, she returned to the underground caverns. She made herself croquettes, this time using her aura to sap the excess oil from the pastry, and bit into one. It still didn’t taste as good as her mother’s.
Like the mention of her thinking about her mother there, but in next paragraph the bolded part the transition seems a bit clumsy to me.

Looking forward to more!

Bay August 26th, 2016 9:46 PM

So Taka wants to try to find Chihiro first, huh? That should be interesting to watch. Felt like it's been a while since Taka and Mewtwo interacted. The last few lines with the LOTR reference was bittersweet.

One minor thing I want to point out. When referring to Taka, you either use his full name Ashi Taka, just his first name, or Doctor Taka. Since this is in his point of view, I would stick with one of those as it gets confusing what he thinks himself as. Otherwise, looking forward to the next chapter!

Bay August 29th, 2016 6:23 PM

So, the line near the beginning "Her face had turned gaunt and bony from years of skipping meals" does that mean the timeskip from Chihiro's last chapter has been years already? There's also these parts:

Quote:

Another section, far slimmer in size, recorded the results of her attempt to have a child.
Quote:

Then she tore through her journal, grimacing as she passed over the section documenting how she kicked out her own child for its ignorance, and reached the log at the end.
Chihiro had a child? D= Don't know how I feel about this lol. Looks like though because she wasn't in her right state of mind the child is pretty much neglected. A part of me is curious about more of this development.

Alicia's death, wow very gruesome there. Doesn't look like Chiriro is far from getting better now. Looking forward to more!

Bay September 5th, 2016 5:06 PM

The part where Taka says it's probably too late for them to start a relationship, aw. Makes me feel kinda bad for them.

The part with Chihiro and Mewtwo, not surprising over Chihiro's reaction there. Ouch over what happened at the end to Mewtwo, though. a part of me thought, yeah not a good idea to take out your armor there, Mewtwo. Since you mentioned this was one long chapter originally, perhaps not the last we'll see of Mewtwo? Besides that, looks like the conclusion will come pretty fast, so I'm curious how all of this will wrap up soon!

Bay September 11th, 2016 5:32 PM

Chapter 25, that's some showdown Chihiro and Mewtwo had there and looks like Mewtwo took uite a beating there. Huh, so he spotted Chihiro's child and the agents got to them first. I'm curious as to what Taka and Mewtwo will be doing in the meeting.

Chapter 26, well things take a crazy turn with Taka now the director. I admit at the part where Taka said to Sheldon he's incompetent I was like, "Dang." And Nora's threat to him just woah. Taka indeed better shape up there.

With the recent developments in breaking pace I look forward how all of this will fall into place!

Bay September 12th, 2016 8:00 PM

Taka's last moments there ended in a bang there, and even more terrifying he brought down Nora and the others with him. The epilogue there is also just as unsettling with Chiriro controlling the humans there and Mewtwo doing something similar.

I feel there are still a few loose ends here and stuff I would like to see more. What are the whereabouts of Arkus? Will we know more about Chiriro's child? Is Mewtwo playing a bigger role now? Is Darkrai returning and if so in what fashion? I think you mention this universe is still expanding, so I'm sure you thought those out already. Either way, congrats on finishing another fic, this has been a blast reading!


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