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You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
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I didn't even pay to exist and I still want a refund
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A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. 🍪
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There are so many cheesy puns in this thread. It's a good thing we didn't write any of these on paper, because that would be tearable.
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that pun just made me crumple over
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True story: I lost one shoe on a bus, but I still have the other one. It's all right, I must have left the other one on the bus.
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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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you have a 2 out of 7 chance of dying on a weekend
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Escalators are basically just haunted stairs.
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falsetto is just boneless singing
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Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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every cigarette you smoke takes 7 minutes off your student loan debt
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If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it.
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At the end of the day the sun is still yellow.
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Quantity is what you count, quality is what you count on.
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if Dr. Pepper were a real doctor, he'd be a fizzician.
thank you thank you i take cheques |
Quote:
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. |
I don't know why, but I just find mountains hill-arious...
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Quote:
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. |
Why do "I'm up for it" and "I'm down for it" both mean the same thing?
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I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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the guy who came up with Walkie-Talkie should've been in charge of naming more stuff.
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I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
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Do golfers wear two pairs of pants in case they get a hole in one? 🤔
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Quote:
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. |
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