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Yggdrasil - Rated T
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Yggdrasilor or Ygdrasil [ig-druh-sil, yg-] noun, Scandinavian Mythology. 1. an evergreen ash tree, the three roots of which bind together Asgard, Midgard, and Niflheim. Table of Contents. 1. The Interdimensional Intersection 1.1. The Interdimensional Intersection Part. I 2.1. Guardians of Sealed Space Part. I 3.1. Fear and Love and Loathing Part. I |
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The first thing I want to say is that it was really refreshing to see such an original beginning to a fic. As soon as I saw the character was in a new body I was thinking, "Oh, okay, the protagonist is in a Pokemon body. One of those fics, I guess." Then I kept reading. "Oh, so it's a Pokemon in a human body, that's a bit different." Then I kept reading. "Oh, the main character is actually the devil or something and this is all really creepy. o_o " Suffice to say I loved how the story starts with such a visceral scene. Grabbed my attention right away.
Going along those lines, my favorite element so far is definitely "Orville" and his outlook on life. The way you've set him up as this homicidal maniac but kept him in check with fear of Arceus and a surprising amount of empathy (read: any empathy at all) keeps me guessing and that's great. I find that I'm more interested in just what he's going to do next than the actual cataclysm he's trying to prevent. Linda and Mel are okay; not as interesting as Orville but that's not their fault. I'm guessing from your implication that they have more going on than it appears, but for now their best moment is when Mel gets swiped by the Pidgeotto. I might have felt bad about Mel losing any shred of dignity he had left, but I was laughing too hard. Another really funny moment for me was the Cacturn calling Orville a dick. I don't know how funny you meant it to be, but I just pictured him saying one syllable of his name like a Pokemon would except he actually means "Dick." It makes you wonder how much of the Pokemon-talk in the anime battles is actually s***-talk. On that note, while there were definitely funny bits, sometimes I think it resulted in some tonal dissonance. After the first scene I was expecting something fairly grim and serious, and there's nothing wrong with a story being grim at parts and funny at others, but it's at the intersection that things can get awkward. I'm thinking in particular about the bit with the eggs, which was...something. Quote:
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Of course, comedy is highly subjective and you shouldn't take my opinion on it as gospel. I suspect you'll get similar reactions, though. Moving on, here's a writing mechanic issue I found: Quote:
Also important, cussology: Quote:
Less importantly, here are the typos and other little things I found: Quote:
tl;dr: I think the placement of some of the jokes is a concern, but on the whole I really liked it. The action scenes are solid and tactile, and you've done a great job with the lead character so far. I'm also glad I can follow the story even though I'm not familiar with Gen IV, so good job there. I'll definitely be coming back for the next installment! |
Thank you thank you for the review. Also, haven't seen you in quite some time iconmeanon.
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But on a serious note, I know the pronouns became a little iffy, I'm still editing the story even after I've posted it. And "shock humor"? I don't watch South Park so I'm not familiar with that. Some jokes are just intended to fall flat, especially when coming from Orville because he doesn't quite understand humor, but it's not as apparent in the first two chapters. And please do turn in to the next installment of Ren and Stimpy, I mean Yggdrasil |
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I admit I too got a bit confused at the beginning and thought, "Gengar going inside a human body, sounds interesting." as I read further, Orville refusing Spooky's advance there already is an interesting twist. and his interactions with Mel and Linda already went off to an interesting start. Mel and Linda's Pokemon's interactions with him in the beginning were amusing, too.
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I too like Orville being emphatic, first saving them from Latios and then the Pidgeotto. Concerning icomeanon6's pointing out shock humor, I watched some South Park and I think I got what he's talking about. To give an example... Spoiler:
But yeah, I can see why he pointed that out as if you do that too often the readers might be tired of it fast. You mentioned Orville doesn't understand humor in the normal sense, so I'm interested to see how you'll tackle that further. Onto the latest chapter, good thing Mel and Linda found someone that can help Orville. and oh, I thought I recognize Dee. Yup, definitely him (from that other fic with Theo the Zoroark and the main character with psychic abilities). I'm still wondering what kind of backstory Mel and Linda have, but I'm sure that will be revealed soon. also curious over what's the deal with Orville, which we'll know soon enough. |
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Okay, I'm a sucker for Pokémon-Human hybrid fics. My first fanfic ever was a (very bad) PH hybrid fic, and some of my most favourite fics (Anima Ex Machina and The Thinking Man's Guide to Destroying the World) are PH hybrid fics (I mean AEM is kinda one I guess if those creatures count as Pokémon). That said, what I think sets yours apart is that your actually isn't so much a hybrid fic, as in Pokémon and human working together symbiotically (or humans being the character focus), as it is just this ghost Pokémon up and possessing this dude—because reasons, and I think that's just so fantastically macabre that I was hooked right away.
Anon's said pretty much everything I wanted to say about your incredible opening so I won't repeat what he said save for mentioning that I agree completely. The semi-serious style of narration just works, and I don't want to knock it because I can't really see how it could be improved without straying too much from this style which I enjoy immensely. It reminds me of a more sarcastic and darker Thinking Man's Guide, which isn't a bad thing in any way. Moving on from the opening, the synergy (corporations have ruined that word forever) between Orville and the twins is actually really well written. Orville's flippant attitude towards literally everything about humans and the world except what he's told to do, Mel's dry wit and bravado façade, and Linda's general pure and goodness schtick feel to me as natural as Neapolitan ice cream. You'd think that two jerkasses to a trio would get tiring really fast, but I think the balance here comes from the fact that while Mel, who only his sister could love, acts like a complete jerk, he generally isn't treated like he's much of anything at all, which I find hilarious. So he just completely fails to come off as a badass jerk like Orville and more like a kid trying to act tough. Anyway, I may be completely off the mark here, but that's what I think is so interesting about their dynamic. The fact that at least one of your jerks is a complete punching bag. Leading on from that, I can't help but laugh every time something bad happens to Mel or when an adult (like Dee) isn't fazed by his tough guy act because it's just so satisfying. This line, particularly, resonated with really well in that regard: Quote:
In any case, I think everyone's mostly said what I've wanted to say up to this point. One tiny thing I want to point out is that I'm not completely sold on the Latios appearing out of nowhere and disappearing into nowhere thing. That just seemed awfully convenient to me. I suppose it's got something to do with the anomaly, but potentially that could use some explaining because everyone seems to have forgotten about the Latios already despite the massive threat it posed before, and ehhh… it just feels unresolved at this point. Potentially it could come back to bite them in the rear, but it feels like at least somebody would have made a note of it by now, Pidgeotto abduction or no. Anyway yeah. Great start to a fic! I'd definitely love to see more of this. |
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While I'm sure you're waiting for the right oppurtunity to reveal Linda and Mel's backstory, I do hope it'll be sooner than later as Mel avoided that subject several times now. Of course, I also would prefer their backstory be revealed gradually which I'm sure you're doing that already with the mention of Mel drinking. Still looking forward to more! |
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I admit, this part had me chuckled. Okay finally we get reason for Mel's attitude. Not hard to understand why he's like that (and him sneaking out, which yeah my mistake for still thinking he drank alcohol oops). Ouch over him being beaten by Mikey and that aerodactyl, though. The most surprising parts were Orville's true form revealed (well, at least to Mel and Linda) and Zygarde featured there. Can't wait until Sun/Moon, huh? =P Dang it Orville, what did the cells do to you, lol. Perhaps we'll see their showdown next time? Either way, looking forward to more! |
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I too thought the jab with the legendaries there was fun. Man, Azelf sure hates the smell of humans lol. Also nice to see Mew there still as cute as ever, heh. Even though I'm familiar with that Mew before, Bardothren probably has a point if your readers haven't read one of your previous works yet. Looking forward to more! |
Eh, well, I use the references as a joke between me and my friends at school; even though I put them, the legendaries and Mew are all different with different personalities from my old stories. Speaking of, I'm still trying to decide if Mewtwo's gonna be a good guy this time around xD
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Like Bardothren, the flashback with Shaymin seems a bit sudden there, though I'm assuming Shaymin and Giratina's relationship might be important. I do like some of the banter between Giratina and Zygarde, for instnace the bath and shower talk around the end of their battle. Some lines I feel are a bit overstuffed, though, like the paragraph that starts with "We all think as humans, whether we’d like to or not. I know Mew does." I can see Giratina trying to push Zygarde's buttons there, but the speech went a bit too long there.
Oh, hey Mew, nice save there. And oh dear over Orville. Yeah, Giratina will needs some recovering after that big battle. |
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Huh, so Linda could understood Pokemon. It was probably mentioned in a previous chapter but forgot. Wonder if that will be touched upon later. Nice flashback when Mel and Linda found Koko there. Now that they reunited with Giratina, should be interesting what happens next.
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Orville's Lucario making an appearance does make things more complicated then it already is. Thought the info on why Koko isn't allowed to use fire attacks makes sense, though I think that might change, especially her ready to unleash there. |
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While risky, it's also clever Giratina had Koko use Flash Fire to her advantage. Lucario looked to be in pretty bad shape after that battle, though. With now a few more people spotting Giratina, I wonder if a big commotion will occur (I think Giratina's appearance already did in earlier chapters, but I forgot).
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