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-   -   Serious @ LGBTQIA+ - Are you out of the closet? (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=419937)

professor plum April 9th, 2019 3:22 PM

@ LGBTQIA+ - Are you out of the closet?
 
If you are out of the closet:
  • How old were you when you came out?
  • How did it go?
  • How many people know?
  • Do your parents know?

If you're not out:
  • Why not?
  • Do you have any plans to eventually come out?

(Will answer in depth in an actual post)

suphaninjap221 April 9th, 2019 3:34 PM

No.

And the answer "No" it self is very in depth.
No hate.

juliorain April 9th, 2019 3:39 PM

How old were you when you came out? like 15 lol.
How did it go? I have had a lot of mixed reactions, ranging from knowing before I told them, not batting an eye, to utter shock and confusion
How many people know? uhhhh a lot
Do your parents know? yes

colours April 9th, 2019 3:46 PM

uhhh where do I start...

mostly no? I told my sister at best and although she took me seriously and said something to the effect of "oh I knew this whole time", I'm not sure she really understood or really fully grasped the gravity of what I told her. she never really brought it up or wanted to talk about it either in any of the subsequent times I've met up with her, so I mean... I guess it's not a big deal to her, I dunno.

as far as my parents go, nope. they don't have the education or the background or knowledge of that kind of stuff. and quite frankly, im afraid for what happens if they do know. less so my dad than my mom, since my father hasn't been in my life for quite a few years now, but my mom might take a bit hard. or not at all, since she once said she doesnt care if im gay, but I dunno. being transgender is a whole different area that im not sure how she'll take, so...

and honestly? I don't have many plans to come out, not anytime soon. i feel there has to be a right time for it, and with how crazy things are in my mom and I's lives, it's not really beneficial to tell her anything. not as of right now. maybe eventually down the road when things calm down a lot, but definitely not now.

alisaie April 9th, 2019 4:08 PM

Some people irl know. Mostly friends and my sister at most. Also one of my cousins because we discussed it while she was visiting and I brought up my stance to her. It's something that I'll tell my parents and brother possibly in the future but ... not now. There's so much going on and so much other things that I and my mom and others need to deal with that we don't need another potential serious issue on our plate, as I don't think my Mom would take it very well? I think she's still having trouble with my cousin coming out so maybe when she's more relaxed and I know that she's completely accepting of my cousin would I consider.

ZeoStar April 9th, 2019 4:19 PM

Asexual + Aromantic and have felt this way for as long as I can remember.

It's not something I think about much at all either. My interests are just in other places. Occasionally someone in my family will ask why I'm not pursuing a relationship, which is slightly annoying because it feels like some sort of obligation. At points in high school I felt out of place at times, since sex and relationships are 50% of what others talk about.

I try to stay open minded, so my ideas could change. It just doesn't occupy my thoughts.

Cay April 9th, 2019 4:38 PM

I came out as bisexual to my parents when I was 13. In hindsight, I was more confused than anything. The whole Tumblr mindset of hyper-defining one’s sexuality at a very early age led me to act before I was at a place where I could truly label anything. I ultimately took it back and said “oh wait no im still figuring it all out”. However, as time went on, I kept liking men! I never really had to officially re-come out later on to friends and family, as I was always in an in-between area of sorts, so when I eventually did express my feelings/enter relationships, no one questioned anything. I am fortunate enough to be in an accepting environment, so it’s not really a secret, but I do not plan on telling my extended family anytime in the near future.

Cherrim April 9th, 2019 6:24 PM

Yeah, I'm out. I didn't really make any effort to hide it from friends growing up and I guess my brother always knew, but I didn't... bother telling my parents until I was 26 and had a girlfriend, lol. I don't think they really understood when I said I was bisexual and just think I'm gay because lol all bisexual people are just confused so... I assume I'll have to come out again if I ever have a boyfriend. Anyway, it went well! Both parents were okay with it and I knew they would be. I only hadn't mentioned it prior since it just didn't feel like a big deal and I didn't see the point unless I had a girlfriend.

Alas I think I'm technically out to my mom's side of the family too since I'm pretty sure she told her dad and/or everyone else? I don't know for sure but the first time I saw them all (they live on the other side of the country), everyone was asking super leading questions but I was tipsy at my cousin's wedding so I didn't realize until like months later that they were trying to get me to talk about my girlfriend lol. But like, it was an online relationship that spanned an ocean (although we'd met irl by that point) and that seemed way more awkward to explain than being queer so I probably wouldn't have said much even if I'd realized lol. But their weird interest kinda confirms I'm The Gay Cousin, at least, hahaha.

Her April 9th, 2019 6:40 PM

Tyler, you'll find this funny! I was sorta dragged out of the closet when my parents found the letters I was going to send to Faustino, LMAO. I had left them in my room when I went to take a drink, and I came back to my mother rather furiously reading through the poorly written pages of adolescent gay scribblings, lol. I laugh, because that's how I deal with everything, but it was pretty fucking bad. Coming out to them was something that wasn't really my choice - I basically kept dodging the question for a couple of hours, and finally sat down and told them What I Am. Cried and got yelled at, so on and so forth. My parents, my father in particular, were devout Catholics that adhered to a philosophy that is... let's just say, in their eyes, God does not possess any sense of toleration when there's plenty o' damnation to be doin', lol. A few days later, after barely any communication, I was asked if I was still 'that way', since I won't use the actual words, lmao. I certainly was! Once again, did not go down well. Siblings were sent to stay with a family friend for a few days while the parents had their in-house explosion! And so I was not allowed to go to the church he ran (we didn't have a priest in the town for a while, so in his arrogance, Father was... Father, lol), banned from talking to any Good Catholics in town, was withdrawn from school for three months, had my computer/phone taken away, etc. Basically, I was isolated in an attempt to spiritually cleanse me, lmao. Even brought in someone from the bigger churches in the city to try some praying the gay away on a weekly basis, lmao. To say he was angry was... an understatement. Though he relented after a few months because concerned churchgoers were inquiring, he never let go of it. Luckily, as I've said on here many times before, he had the good sense to die a couple of years later. Mother has changed her mind in the years since she was freed of my father's influence, even seeking forgiveness and such, but she's done a fair bit of relapsing in the last couple of years and so I have questions about her sincerity there.

My younger siblings are all fine, though I have another brother who is seeking to become a clone of his father and so I don't give one flying fuck what he thinks. My aunt is a hag in the best way, and she's basically the only extended family who is fine on the topic, lol. My grandparents pretend to be tolerant while I've seen texts that say otherwise and my extended family might as well be the mutants from The Hills Have Eyes if their statements are anything to go by.

On the other side of things, I've never had any issue when it came to the people I personally cared to divulge it to, and I've been openly living as a gay whatever since the day after high school finished, lol. Probably because I'm just so charming! Once I was free to stop appeasing the forced social circle of the last few years, I had almost no troubles from anyone in my age group. They prefer to lobby for laws that'll fuck over gay people, not say slurs to their faces, lmao. Well, mostly. I've been jumped a couple of times in the past, but as my town has had rather drastic population growth in the last few years, such overt actions aren't tolerated to any extent nowadays. Haven't heard of any acts like that happening in five years at a minimum. Those who tried to jump me underestimated how bulky I am, and I doubt they seriously intended to hurt me considering they ran pretty quickly once I pushed them off (both times), and nothing of the sort has happened since, regardless of where I've lived. Otherwise, it's fine. It's been years since I cared at all what people thought on the subject, and while I definitely believe I've had issues from being a somewhat feminine kinda gay (I can think of a couple of employers, one lecturer, a few interactions with randoms), it's been some time since someone has nutted up and came at me for it, lol. I bring my boyfriend around a lot and even my mother adores him, lol.

Like everything else in my life, I always end up being the winner. I never lose. It's just what God said has to happen, sorry!

Taemin April 9th, 2019 9:31 PM

Yes I am, finally completely out to practically everyone I meet that really takes any benefit from knowing.

AKA My friends, mom, and almost everyone at my workplace knows.

I've gotten very good at casually dropping it, which I didn't used to be comfortable with, but some people seem to know before I tell them just because I'm a girl who looks way more like a boy, and then over time they hear me drop that I have a girlfriend. lol

Mind you, only a handful of people know that I technically identify more comfortably as male, but I get misgendered as a guy a lot by ppl in public, and some coworkers and friends know, and they don't care, so that's all I really care about there. A few guy friends at work know, and they had already started calling me "bro" prior to finding out, so it didn't phase them. I laugh at that, tbh.

I'm fine with people seeing me as just a boyish girl, though, as I don't plan to change my physical gender. I'm okay 90% of the time.
I just call myself gay and I'm done w/ it, because the rest of it all to complex to bother with fighting other ppl to grasp it all. LOL

Oh! At the other question, I was in high school when I first hinted to people I liked girls. My mom said she knew for a while, and my grandpa didn't care. P sure one of my friends knew I was into them, but in general I kept it to myself and didn't officially tell friends until I was in my 20's - like I denied it or something? Honestly, I think I was confused because I'm bi, so I spent years going back and forth in my head, feeling like I had to pick one - and I would've rather picked straight. It was even more confusing because I feel male (that my mom didn't respond well too but lol), so when you like guys you struggle with that level, and I felt like I had to force myself to be more girly for them? but when you like girls.. you're physically female too. It was a mental mess, and I'm surprised I'm alive, because at a few points, I didn't want to be, until I decided WOW TIME TO STOP CARING, and I was like 25-ish when that finally started happening, so I've really only been gaining a feeling of being comfortable for a few years now.

Nowadays, I like who I like, generally appear as more male than female, and if guys do like that sorta thing, then hey - but I don't plan to change for anyone.

EmTheGhost April 9th, 2019 11:09 PM

Aro/Ace - I've had some doubts, but everything is pointing to I'm just being paranoid and that's the best way to describe what I am, so I'm going with that.

I don't remember how long ago it was that I told my mom - we are very close. :love: She's completely accepting. (Although, she hasn't seem to have accepted that I'll never have a romantic partner - but then again, I'm not exactly ruling it out, I just have no plans to date around. She worries about who'll care for me when she's gone.)

I told my dad (he and my mom are divorced since I was little, I visit/keep in contact but don't live with him) a few years ago, I think. We were talking about a magazine cover we'd seen in Target that some celebrity was bisexual, I segued it into talking about sexualities and dropped that I was asexual. I was a bit more worried in his case - he's openly talked about supporting gay people, but I felt like he might be one of those you don't need a bunch of complicated labels (i.e. anything other than gay or straight) types. However, this was not the case - he basically said he respected that and hasn't made a big deal of it since.

One person important to me who doesn't know is my maternal grandmother (Granny), who lived with me through childhood and is like another parent to me. I'm not sure if it qualifies as being in the closet so much as just not feeling like explaining the concept to her. :shifty-eyed: It's not like she'd react terribly, she'd probably just make a joke out of it - but what's the point in going out of my way to talk about it to someone who wouldn't understand? As far as whether I even want to...I feel about the same way about this that I feel about, say, not showing her the stories I write - I feel perfectly fine not telling her, but it's hard to accept the idea of never telling her. :( She's very healthy, but she is over 80, so I do mean never...

I've never told my extended family. Honestly, I'm not very close to them - not because I dislike them for any specific reason, but because that's just how I am. :/ I just see them at holidays and birthday parties and sometimes tell funny stories about getting lost in the woods or how the fast food restaurant near my house is terrible, okay?

pastelspectre April 10th, 2019 12:47 PM

How old were you when you came out? 13 when i came out about my sexuality, or what i thought it was at the time. i'm unsure what it is right now. still trying to find a label that fits me. i came out about my gender identity this year, very recently. like early february.

How did it go? no one in my family really calls me by skylar except for my dad. if anyone else in my family really knows of my gender identity (i dont have a whole lot of family added on my family account ironically enough) they don't really acknowledge it. my little sister believes in my gender identity, but she still calls me her sister and my by deadname (birth name). my mom doesnt really understand it. my boyfriend's mom knows and she calls me by skylar (even though she found out my birth name by an old post my mom shared on facebook) and tries her best to use gender neutral pronouns with me, so i appreciate that a lot. all of caleb's family calls me skylar because that's what i introduce myself as to them.

How many people know? i don't know. as far as i know immediate family and some of my moms friends. and all of my internet friends.

Do your parents know? yes. my mom doesn't really understand it and still calls me by my birth name. my dad knows and calls me skylar and i appreciate that a lot.

i'm not really "out" irl. 2 of my irl friends here know and are understanding and supportive and call me by skylar which i appreciate. but i have a habit of calling myself by my birth name over the phone and when ordering stuff in restaurants if they need my name because i am too scared. i live in the south so..idk how accepting they would be. i am terrified of being beat up or something. i plan to be "fully" out when i move in with my boyfriend eventually because where he lives, that state is more accepting.

so yeah fun. also as far as i know im the only open lgbtq+ member in either side of my moms family i believe. no one really acknowledges it. it sucks. i'm too scared to correct anyone because i know people will start asking questions and i am not good at articulating myself irl.

professor plum April 11th, 2019 2:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Her (Post 10004227)
Tyler, you'll find this funny! I was sorta dragged out of the closet when my parents found the letters I was going to send to Faustino, LMAO. I had left them in my room when I went to take a drink, and I came back to my mother rather furiously reading through the poorly written pages of adolescent gay scribblings, lol.

Oh my god, a letter to Faustino?!?! dfjsdfalksdjfa

as for me...I tried to come out to my mom when I was 12/13, and she insisted I was too young to know what I was talking about. It wasn’t until they found pornographic material of the homosexual variety on my computer when I was 17 that we discussed it further. At the time, I had my first boyfriend, so...for me, it was the perfect opportunity to mention to them I now had a boyfriend!

I actually tried coming out to my good friends IRL when I was 13. One of them wound up telling a guy I thought he was cute, and suddenly everyone made fun of me for being gay. I will never forgive her for outing me before I was ready. I didn’t officially come out to my friends IRL until I was in high school. It was fun.

My closest friend at the time actually had a crush on me at the time, and thought I was asking initially asking her out. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the year. [It was our senior year of HS]. She exploded one afternoon in Spanish class and told me she could not believe I would be so selfish, and told me she was praying for me to turn back.

A few others had a come-to-Jesus meeting with me, and presented a paper with several Bible verses admonishing homosexuality.

They eventually got over it.

I'm out to all of my mother's side of the family; not really sure nor do I care about my father's side of the family. I post enough gay ass photos on my Facebook profile page. (PS my dad still gets pissed each and every time I do so, and is like "tyler.. we had an agreement about not posting that kind of stuff.")

Coming out is a nonstop process. As long as people assume being straight is the default, we will have to continue coming out. These days it’s as simple as my boyfriend and I being in public together, getting dirty looks, etc.

colours April 11th, 2019 2:37 PM

On the subject of coming out: it's one of the many reasons I actually really detest being transgender.

I dunno if "detest" is even the right word. But it's a feeling of defeat at the same time. I feel more envious of my gay friends because, although there's certainly risk to coming out as gay, in the best of cases, most people already know that you don't change anything fundamentally about yourself, and they just... accept that. You're still you on the inside and on the outside. My biggest problem is that when coming out as trans (whether mtf or ftm), it's essentially saying to people that have known you for who you are on the outside their entire lives that you're going to change your entire outward appearance to reflect who you really and truly are.

I oftentimes feel like that's a far more difficult pill to swallow. If Bob comes out as gay, he's still Bob on the inside and out, he just likes guys. If Bob is transgender mtf and preferred to called Sabrina and plans to go through the mountainous effort to transition, that's dropping a whole different kind of bomb. This is what has bothered me so much. If I was simply gay, I know my life would go swimmingly right now because my mother has stated to me that she doesn't care if I'm gay, she'll let me live my life etc and my sister is pretty accepting. But... not everyone is educated on the intricacies of what being transgender entails. It's the biggest weight I have my on my shoulders, and, to be honest, that's what I hate more than anything else. How do I explain it? How do I explain that I've never felt comfortable in what I see in the mirror? How do I explain to everyone who I have ever known my entire life who has only known the person on the outside to refer to me as the person on the inside?

I truly don't mean to come across in a weird way if I have, but this is kind of an issue I've internalized for years and it has bothered me so fucking much. Do I just cut myself off from my family out of fear of their reactions? I truly just don't know what to do. I know it'd be devastating for me to do so (moreso my immediate family because I rarely ever talk to my external family so that hurts significantly less), and it'd likely hurt them, too. it's more than just being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I'm literally squished between a highly likely lose/lose situation with either option resulting my life probably changing forever for the worse.

Maybe there's a silver lining to all of this. There's a chance (although, very slim) that my mom wouldn't care about me coming out as trans. Her likely response is that even though she wouldn't fully understand it, she'll support me regardless. But the thought still remains.... what if she doesn't?

TickleTot April 11th, 2019 3:12 PM

Nah, My family is very religious and i witnessed what happened to my cousin when he came out, he lives pretty far away now but he shows up to family reunions and his mom was accepting unfortunately my parents have told me they don't like gay people and harassed me about not being gay because its "Nasty"

Silent Memento April 11th, 2019 11:39 PM

*sigh* I'm transfemale and lesbian, and I kept denying it for years before finally accepting it when I was twenty-four. I came out to my parents shortly after...and I wish I hadn't. Neither was accepting. My mom is Reformed Jewish; my dad is a born again Christian. They never accepted my explanation. My dad pointed a recently-bought pistol at me in February of 2015. And I went into a psych ward and bounced around from group home to group home, my mom said that she'd rather see me unhappy than me undergo gender-reassignment surgery/estrogen. After my near-death experience from a suicide attempt that left me permanently disabled on June 1st, 2015, I eventually left my parents' house after my dad threatened to end his marriage after telling my mom (with me in hearing distance, no less) that "it's the f***** or me."

Eventually, I never brought it up ever again because I knew what would happen. My four-year-old nephew will never know my true self. My grandparents don't know. My cousins don't know. My siblings know, and they don't acknowledge me as anything other than my deadname.

Only my online friends really know and accept me. Ironically enough, a football forum - which is nearly all men - is accepting of me, which only paints my parents in a more damning light.

I just wish my family loved me as much as my friends.

Taemin April 12th, 2019 8:53 PM

Can I just say, to everyone who's not out just yet, please hang in there, because you don't know how your life will change!
And in the coming years you could just find yourself out, and more content, so don't give up on who you are.

Her April 12th, 2019 10:10 PM

just come out as the real kidnapper of maddie mccann and then do the classic bait and switch to defuse the situation

‘tbh dunno where that girl is but i’m trans! don’t you feel better after hearing that?’

Arcaneum April 13th, 2019 1:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Her (Post 10005572)
just come out as the real kidnapper of maddie mccann and then do the classic bait and switch to defuse the situation

‘tbh dunno where that girl is but i’m trans! don’t you feel better after hearing that?’

I'm going back in time and using this

Aslan April 13th, 2019 2:43 AM

Definitely not in real life. Only one of my close friends know and that's because we were having a very deep conversation late at night and it just came up. I'm comfortable with who I am but I just don't really know how to bring it up in conversation or find the right time and place to do it so I've held off on coming out for a while. I remember telling some online friends first since at least on the internet, people are a lot more open and comfortable about expressing their sexuality. So far everyone has been supportive but a little surprised, I'm happy it went well though! I'm also holding off on telling people as I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I identify myself as. For years I just identified as bi but I have gone through a lot of fluctuations and confusion - there were points where I thought I was completely straight or gay and just confused.

So yea no immediate plans but hopefully sometime in the future I'll be cool to tell most people once I figure out what's going on properly. No idea what I'll say to my parents as they're very conservative and I am almost certain my dad is homophobic but I'll have to think about what I'm going to say to them if I do end up dating a girl later on. I remember being in denial and uncomfortable with my sexuality for a while because I feared my parent's reaction but thankfully have embraced it now and am happy with it regardless of their reaction. Maybe one day I'll tell them but not for now

starseed galaxy auticorn April 13th, 2019 5:17 AM

I'm bi. Most of my online friends know. I also told my dad about it, but he's forgetful... so who knows if he remembers. I haven't told my mom because she has this issue with it. She'll swear up and down she accepts LGBTQ+, but she really doesn't. Hence, why I haven't really "come out" to her.

Sirfetch’d April 16th, 2019 2:46 PM

Not out in real life yet but I am a very loud and proud gay online?? Wish I could be the same in the real world but unfortunately I am just not brave enough yet considering I live in a very uh....unaccepting part of the world. I think my family would be supportive as they are very accepting of LGBT people but yeah I am just not ready.

juliorain April 16th, 2019 5:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Jiggly (Post 10007188)
Not out in real life yet but I am a very loud and proud gay online?? Wish I could be the same in the real world but unfortunately I am just not brave enough yet considering I live in a very uh....unaccepting part of the world. I think my family would be supportive as they are very accepting of LGBT people but yeah I am just not ready.

Take your time fam! Societal pressures are definitely the worst! At least you have an outlet where you can be yourself! Sending moral support!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TickleTot (Post 10005039)
Nah, My family is very religious and i witnessed what happened to my cousin when he came out, he lives pretty far away now but he shows up to family reunions and his mom was accepting unfortunately my parents have told me they don't like gay people and harassed me about not being gay because its "Nasty"


Stay strong, fam! I can't say I have been in the situation but I do know a lot of other LGBT people who have struggled with their families accepting them. Time heals all wounds!

Her April 16th, 2019 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Jiggly (Post 10007188)
Not out in real life yet but I am a very loud and proud gay online?? Wish I could be the same in the real world but unfortunately I am just not brave enough yet considering I live in a very uh....unaccepting part of the world. I think my family would be supportive as they are very accepting of LGBT people but yeah I am just not ready.

At what point will you be ready?

Sirfetch’d April 17th, 2019 5:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Her (Post 10007330)
At what point will you be ready?

Probably when I'm seriously looking to pursue a relationship tbh. Right now I am content being single so it's no rush.

Noblejanobii April 18th, 2019 7:14 AM

Yes and no.

Online I'm fairly open about my sexuality. The first time I came out was to my best friend about a year ago and I've announced it on forums a couple times since. Overall because online communities are fairly accepting, I've had no issues other than a couple people accusing me of "faking" because when I had first joined the discord server I was in, I had said I was straight (as at the time I thought I was).

Irl though, not as much. This past semester abroad I've come out to a few people. My study abroad program is a conglomeration of three schools, the other two of which are significantly more liberal than my school. As a result, most of the guys on the trip are openly gay or bi, and in discussions with them it's come up. But I have taken great care to ensure they don't blab about it to people who go to my school. Only one person from my school knows and the only reason she knows is because I got horribly drunk on my 21st birthday and it slipped out. Thankfully, she was rather accepting and even asked questions. But the other people from my school? They make homophobic comments all the time so that's a huge no. And unfortunately the same is true with my parents. So they can't know until I'm independent of them.

Sydian April 18th, 2019 11:35 AM

i'm pretty open online, but not so much offline. there are a few people irl that know, but i don't feel like i have to say anything bc i'm in a het passing relationship so it's like. i can keep my mouth shut, but at the same time, it's kind of bleh. i don't like having to be quiet about it, but it's a thorn bush i ain't gotta get into so...i'll hold out. lol

Starlight April 18th, 2019 1:56 PM

Very much so.

I am me and I won't pretend to be something I'm not. I tried that when I was younger and it really didn't work out so well.

If people don't like it (and not all do) then that is their problem, not mine.

moon May 2nd, 2019 1:31 PM

Mmno. Am just passing as "girl" irl because anything else is Complicated and I don't currently see a point in bothering. Online, idk. I've tried but probably not enough. I still have things to figure out about myself.

Sawsbuck May 3rd, 2019 7:50 AM

Very much so online but not irl

Harmonie May 4th, 2019 2:53 PM

I'm out to my mom and a large number of friends, but I'm not out in general.

Sorvete May 4th, 2019 3:45 PM

I told my parents last year, but I have been out for about 2 years now, I think. Some of my friends were the first to know. Sometimes it feels as if I had never had the conversation with my parents though

Fairy May 4th, 2019 3:48 PM

Been out to friends irl and online since I was in 8th grade, haha. My dad never knew until about five months ago? I was never afraid of telling him but just didn't see the point since I'm in a hetero relationship that I'm not planning on leaving. I dropped a truth bomb on him with a bunch of baggage, but among some of that was the fact that I'm gay. He took it well! I don't think he was surprised at all.

Palamon May 4th, 2019 4:03 PM

Not really offline, no. My parents are classic transphobe and homophobes and I don't want my parents to erase my identity. I am out to a few people irl, but that's about it. It's just easier to be open online. I don't think I'll ever come out to my parents. Tbh, I don't plan to.

Charlie Brown May 4th, 2019 4:32 PM

I came out to one of my best friends in 2015 when I was 19. I struggled to tell him for literally the whole day - met up with him in the morning with the plan to tell him but we just talked shit about other things and then the time came for us to go our separate ways to class and I... let the moment slip by. I messaged him later in the day asking if we can meet up again after class and he said yes.

Physically struggled to tell him, to get the words out (as I'm sure many can relate to), and I think the words I used were "I'm not 100% straight" haha. He started crying not because it upset him but because he felt honoured to be told first and that I trusted him etc etc and it was great and I treated myself to bubble tea after.

Slowly started coming out to people in my social circle until I was pretty much out and open to all my friends.

I moved interstate in 2016 without telling my parents, and when I came home that Christmas I decided to tell them. But I figured to ensure I wouldn't chicken out, I'd tell my cousins first to add some pressure on me. (Curry families are known for how quick gossip spreads!) One cousin was great, one was... pretty bad, she said she can't accept this, it goes against her religion, etc etc. We were going as a family to Sri Lanka that Christmas and I still hadn't told my parents and brothers. Cousin #2 came over with her family to say bye to us and IN FRONT OF EVERYONE she was like "So, have you told them yet?" and I looked at her like holy shit can you shut up pls. No one picked anything up. (She texted me saying that she feels like she's lying to my brother since she works with him. Cool mate!)

I didn't tell my parents that Christmas as I didn't want to tell them when we were overseas visiting relatives. Went back to Sydney and at one point got a text from Cousin #2's mum asking if I'd "told my parents about my situation" which obviously freaked me the fuck out as I didn't want them to hear that I was gay from my aunty.

I came back a couple months later and sat them all down and told them ("Well you know how my brother has a girlfriend? Well.....the reason I don't......is that I like boys") and they initially had A+ reactions which surprised me (given religious context and cultural context) like "oh this doesn't change anything, when did you know", etc etc.

I came back a couple months later for Easter and my parents sat me down and were crying and asking what they did wrong to make me be like this, etc etc.

That was April 2017, we haven't really spoken about it since.

We had the marriage equality vote in Australia in late 2017 and I wrote and published a blog online and I know at least my mum read it and she said it was a good blog and I'm sorry I felt that way (lonely, isolated, etc) growing up. I gave them their voting slips and stood over them saying that I was going to post them now - yeah it might have pressured them to vote 'yes' to legalising marriage equality but eh whatever. And about a year ago I asked if they wanted to watch 'Love, Simon' and they said no because my youngest brother didn't want to watch it. Haven't mentioned anything since, so it's still in this weird place of unspokenness/denial but at least I feel a LOT better now and lighter and more free.

lyrataros May 4th, 2019 6:09 PM

Yes. I told my parents to change the topic to stop a fight. They were supportive of me and I eventually told my friends at school a week later and now pretty much everyone knows. The only thing though is my parents told the rest of my family without me knowing. I would've appreciated it more if I were the one to out myself and not them.

Nina May 5th, 2019 6:42 AM

I'm in a weird limbo with the rest of the family because I've basically said "I'm some sort of queer" a few times but was never specific. Now that I have a girlfriend it's cemented, but my parents don't seem to want to talk about her much like they do with my sister's boyfriend. I know I've told my mom, but I haven't established it with my dad that my girlfriend is trans. I really don't know what he'd think privately, even if he was nice to me upfront. So I'm gay, but how gay am I??? Who knows.

Emilia May 19th, 2019 9:06 AM

Well.. I consider myself Asexual and I have been for as long as I can remember. I wouldn't say Aromantic because I still crush on anime/video game characters (in fact that extends to both guys and girls), it's just that sex doesn't interest me. It actually grosses me out.
I might change in the future but I'm 20 rn and still find it sickening..
Pretty much everyone I know irl knows this though.

pkmin3033 May 19th, 2019 10:42 AM

I've never really had a closet, I tend to keep my clothes on my bedroom floor. Or in the cupboard where we air clothes before we're supposed to put them away...mine just kind of stay in there until I'm ready to wear them.

By which I mean I'm just me. No labels really define me because I don't associate with them. I don't have a sexuality, or a gender, or much of anything else for that matter. I wouldn't even define myself as the labels used for the absence of these things anymore, because it implies I put some sort of significance on it, and I don't. There's just me, doing my own thing, and leaving it to other people to do theirs. Honestly back when I tried to define myself in these ways during my teenage years and early twenties it was all just an act that I put on because I felt I had to - everyone has to have a gender and a sexual preference, right? It took me a while to shake that feeling, because everyone makes such a big deal out of it...which is fine, y'know. If it's important to you, it's important to you, and I think that should be respected...or at least tolerated, if respect is just too much for someone to deal with for whatever reason. I certainly never had a problem with it. But it's not important to me at all...it's completely irrelevant, in fact. Shouldn't that be respected too? I used to think there was something fundamentally wrong with me for wanting nothing to do with any of it, but now...well, I don't really care. It doesn't affect anything for me.

Both offline and online I tend to keep things to myself (outside of occasionally posting my thoughts in topics like these, of course) and let people make their own assumptions. Online, it's my biological sex. Offline it's the assumption that my sexual preference is the opposite sex. At the end of the day though, whatever labels they choose to assign me are about them, not me. The funny thing is that nobody ever asks - the information is either volunteered, or what is generally considered "the norm" is assumed. Either way I'm not overly bothered what people think of me when it comes to this. I define myself as an individual, and that's as far as I care to take it, because really I don't need to take it any further.

Alexander Nicholi May 24th, 2019 3:50 PM

since “the closet” is less about me and more about what I present to others, it honestly depends. In the States and other first world countries (so far just Singapore), I don’t hide anything. But I’m just friends with my husband when we go to Indonesia. it’s not a big deal.

Sothis May 26th, 2019 4:11 AM

Out as a lesbian but no one irl knows what nonbinary is or accepts it and just think I want to be "special" like yes I really love being mocked y'all!
And even as just a lesbian I still get threatened with corrective rape by my step father lol.

Also Intersex isn't LGBT, it's a medical condition, there's LGBT intersex people but just being intersex doesn't make one LGBT.

Cid May 26th, 2019 5:59 AM

When I hung out here at PC from '08 to '13, I was a closeted gay teenager. I did not feel comfortable with my sexuality. Gay people in my country were, and still are, often bullied and teased, due to a strong Roman Catholic presence and very traditional family values. Even a post that asked if I was gay in TCTI hurt me so much back then, because I did not want to be called that.

As I grew up, I realized that I wasn't going to stop being gay anytime soon. So I just hoped for things to change. I still wasn't comfortable with being gay, but I wanted to be. I remember being so distraught when my parents kept asking why I didn't want to attend a certain private Roman Catholic Jesuit university, even though I managed to get a scholarship for it. I didn't tell them, but I was secretly scared of all the priests that I was bound to encounter there; and if the students were the same, I'd be doomed to stay in the closet forever. I opted to go to a university that I felt was more accepting of the LGBTQ+, and thanks to the good reputation of my chosen university when it came to rankings, they didn't mind. In retrospect, the Jesuit university was actually pretty liberal, so my worries were completely unfounded.

Anyway, when I left PC, it was at the end of my freshman year of uni. I was still gay, but I slowly came to terms with it. When I befriended a guy that I'm still close friends with to this day, he ended up confiding to me that he had a boyfriend. And so I felt that it was right to share that I was a single gay man, myself. I managed to tell a few more close friends in that university about it, and pretty much all of them were supportive. I wanted to move to telling my parents, but I graduated without having the guts to do so.

So yeah, while I am still in the closet for the most part, my closest friends irl do know I'm gay. And people I've met on dating apps know as well. As for the future, I hope I'll be able to tell my mom on my 24th birthday. One of my brothers seems to know and not care, but I might as well tell him, too. I don't know if I'll ever tell my dad or my sister. My dad makes fun of gays and lesbians on TV, and my sister is incredibly religious.

Sammi May 27th, 2019 12:44 PM

Hi, I'm bi and still mostly in the closet. It's cozy.

Actually, not really, it'd be nice to be honest to everyone, but tbh I've struggled with "but what if I'm not REALLY bi??" for years despite undeniably being attracted to men and women since my teenage years. Even now I'm afraid I'm still lying to myself somehow. Plus I'm in a relationship with a man and I'm not quite ready for questions with everyone yet. Because whoo boy, hearing my boss going "bi people are just confused" when the topic comes up is not my idea of fun!!

My sister (who is also bi!) and my boyfriend know. I've mentioned it to a few other people I trust from time to time. Occasionally I even hint at it on Twitter. Still haven't told my parents though. Apparently Mom was confused and not supportive to my sister, who came out in her teens, which... doesn't give me much confidence, even years later.

Really it boils down to not being fully out because I'm afraid. ._.;


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