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-   -   Serious Does it really matter what others think of you? (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=422586)

moon July 2nd, 2019 5:13 AM

Does it really matter what others think of you?
 
How big of a deal, to you, is the opinion others have of you?

Is it very different in different situations? Such as at work vs among friends in the freetime.

In a more general sense: should people be much concerned with what others think of them?

gimmepie July 2nd, 2019 6:25 AM

Yes and no?

At a personal level, you don't owe it to anyone else to be a certain person. If someone likes you then that's great, if they don't then that's not really your problem usually. It's important to stay true to yourself.

We don't live in a vacuum though and the reality is that how other people see you is very important. It affects work, relationships, hobbies, financial agreements, judicial rulings etc etc etc

Sorvete July 2nd, 2019 6:42 AM

Social-wise, I don't think I do care that much when I'm around friends, family, etc. Though I do feel unsafe about certain customs or behaviors when I spend my time alone, or am hanging out with people I'm not familiarized with. But generally, I don't give a damn about what others think of me. The only person I should be pleasing is myself.

alisaie July 2nd, 2019 7:37 AM

I try not to because i have enough social anxiety as it is but of course there are just times when it just can't be helped. Even when i say it doesn't matter sometimes i find that it did affect me to some degree so i then have to find a way to release myself from the extra stress.

Nina July 2nd, 2019 7:54 AM

I wish it didn't matter to me as much as it does. You should always be agreeable, but you also need to know that sometimes people will dislike you for reasons you can't control. I guess it's about knowing what is or isn't in your control, and what's really your responsibility to do (as it's not always worth it).

http://cucumber.gigidigi.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/444.jpg

colours July 2nd, 2019 8:22 AM

Man, this thread really hits close to home, huh.

I suppose the long and short of it for me is, for the most part, yes and no.

I've always tried to operate under the whole "I'm not going to care what anyone thinks of me but my own friends", but that collides headfirst into my personal philosophy of attempting to always create a positive first impression, no matter who it is. Even if it's some random stranger down the street -- like... I wouldn't care what they think on a personal level because I think that's way too much stress and anxiety for me to worry about, but I do care about, at the very least, appearing like a nice person and hoping that I come across as such.

I guess that's really the extent of it. If some irrelevant person thinks less of me.... that sucks, but I've already done my part and I don't think I can really change their mind on that. I'm not going to go through all sorts of gymnastics to change a mind that's not willing to change on its own. Those people who are willing to give me a chance, those people who are willing to see who I really am, it's really those people who's thoughts I value above all else.

moon July 2nd, 2019 8:59 AM

I used to care way too much, and get really upset if I found out that I wasn't really worth much to others. These days I'm more relaxed, but I still really do care. I want people to like me and think of me as a certain kind of person. But I hope I don't take it too far anymore: if I realize that I don't really like or respect someone - often because they are generally respect-less or manipulative or treat others badly - then I don't bother trying to adjust in any way to them, because I actually don't care much what they think of me. For people I do respect and like, it matters much more. This is basically true both in my workplace and in private.

starseed galaxy auticorn July 2nd, 2019 2:12 PM

It varies for me. Like, I try not to care... but most of it is because of social anxiety. So like, when I want to talk to people... I worry that they'll find me to weird or random and not want to talk to me. It's happened at times, and it makes me feel self-conscious at times. Not so much they don't really like me or anything like that. Just that I know how awkward my mind is that makes communicating "the same" much more difficult. When it comes to appearance, I could careless what people think.

I'll be honest here... I usually hide the fact that I actually do care. I'll tell people I actually don't care or something, but in reality... it's the opposite. It does depend on how close I am to the person too.

Alex July 2nd, 2019 4:52 PM

Short answer is no, but a level of awareness for how you're being perceived is an asset.

Generally, I care what other people think of me. I want to be liked, which means that if somebody doesn't like me, I might've done something wrong in their eyes and so it bothers me. But, as we all know, we have no control over what people think of us. Not everyone will like us, not ever. So it's wasted energy to care too much what people think.

But seeing as we live in a society, empathy and a general awareness for how people might react to your actions is important. So while you shouldn't care what people think of you, you should act in a respectful manner.

I tend to care a lot more what my friends & family think of me than work acquaintances. Work people's perceptions only matter in terms of work ethic and ability, in my experience. Friends and family are the relationships I want to foster.

Also, closely related is embarrassment, and how people see you after you've done something embarrassing. It can be very hard to handle, but generally speaking, people are mostly thinking about themselves, and the memory of the embarrassing thing you did will fade much quicker in their minds than your own. Whatever was done, it's in the past, and if somebody insists on bringing it up, cut ties. They're not good people.

Megan July 3rd, 2019 4:36 AM

More than may be good for my sanity. Granted, I always try to remember that most people are way to busy with themselves and that therefore they don't really care as much.

At the same time: if you want to fit into your social circle/society, caring about what others think of you may just be important. If they believe you to be an idiot, people won't bother with you unless they have to. (seen this more than enough times)

Hands July 3rd, 2019 5:16 AM

I mean to a degree sure, I hate knowing that someone I care about views me poorly over something I've said or done. But at the same time, no one in this world is worth more than your self respect and as long as you are righteous in your mind and heart that's all what should matter, even if it changes how people view you.

ShinyUmbreon189 July 5th, 2019 4:58 PM

I could careless what someone thinks of me. I'm only human... If someone wants to be judgmental that's on them, and they should address that issue to themselves. At the end of the day they know a damn thing about me nor am I walking this planet to be liked from everyone. If you like me, cool. If ya don't, don't assume shit you know nothing about. It's that simple really.
With that being said... It's not ones position to judge another. You can only judge yourself, for humans make mistakes and the key is forgiving oneself. Too many are worried about what others are doing, rather than focusing on what they should be doing.

pastelspectre July 5th, 2019 5:03 PM

to a certain degree, yes. certain family members? i could care less. sadly i do care a lot what people think of, mainly because of i want to say a combination social anxiety and trauma i endured but who knows. i'm trying to work on it. it's difficult. a lot of people think of me as shy and quiet but i am really not when you get to know me.

it just takes a while for me to break open my shell for lack of better terms.

Cid July 5th, 2019 5:10 PM

Nah. At least I don't think so.

Just be yourself, make sure you aren't hurting others or yourself, and don't be a dick.

Easier said than done because humans are social creatures and we live to please but hey, what else are you gonna strive to do

Simply Dunsparce July 5th, 2019 7:33 PM

It mostly just depends on situation. If it’s someone who I want to leave an impression on, then yes. Otherwise I’m too socially unaware to know how they think of me.

User Anon 1848 July 6th, 2019 1:07 PM

I worry about giving people the wrong impression since I don't always express my thoughts and feelings the way I mean to.

Eatinabird July 6th, 2019 6:46 PM

Personally, I could care less what anyone else thinks of me. At the end of day, what's important is how I view myself. I mean, if your so concerned what someone else thinks of you, maybe you really need to evaluate who you are.

Her July 6th, 2019 7:47 PM

Authenticity is both the result of one’s reaction to being observed and one’s desire to be observed - on a fundamental level, it matters what others think of you, because it is a part of the huge process of forging one’s identity. Being yourself in the face of others is a conscious decision no less calculated and manufactured than the decision to alter and/or diminish yourself to fit either a) your desired role in life or b) the role desired by others, on a professional or personal level. Reducing the anxiety I feel about social pressures to these fundamental truths does a lot to help me ‘wave away’ the negativity of those pressures, since we forget that social pressure is a good thing in many cases. So do I care what others think of me? Of course I do. Everyone does. But it is letting those perceptions drive and challenge me that I have the choice in reacting to.

Sydian July 7th, 2019 9:05 PM

i wish i didn't have anxiety so that i didn't care what people thought of me. i don't want to care. but i can't put that to bed so easily, either.

Noblejanobii July 9th, 2019 7:05 AM

Unfortunately because I want to work in politics, others' opinions of me do and will always matter. To what degree will vary on where in the spectrum I work, as obviously that'll change whose opinions matter. If I became a candidate, that's a lot more opinions to consider. I'd have to think about my constituents, my staff, the fellow members of the party I'm running for, people already in office that are in the same or similar positions, etc. That's part of why I don't really want to run as a candidate. If I became a member of staff, people's opinions will still matter since job turnover for staff members is fairly high and in order to get hired by another person if my guy doesn't get re-elected other staff members and other politicians need to have a good opinion of me. So while I don't really like that it does, unfortunately for me, the opinions of others will always matter.

Unless I become a lobbyist in which case you're just kinda universally hated and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

EmTheGhost July 10th, 2019 12:17 PM

Honestly? Objectively, I know that it doesn't matter, but I have a hard time feeling like it, because - just about every single person who's ever told me that other people's opinions don't matter has gone on to judge other people, seemingly under the impression that it matters. I know that objective reasons why something is true are all that matters, not how popular a viewpoint is, but it's just hard to hold on to your beliefs when everyone around you, even the people who agree with them on paper, think the opposite way.

Circuit July 14th, 2019 1:59 PM

For me honestly I don't really care all that much what people think of me? People like me if they want to like me and if they don't well that's fine too, to each their own. For friends and family that I'm close to I'll strive to make them happy and please them, but not in a way that undermines who I am as a person. Basically I try to be as nice and friendly as I can to everyone, how my nan would have wanted me to be. It doesn't matter who you are or where you come from, if you're cool with me I'm cool with you. I aim to be a nice person, helpful, friendly and accepting, and I do want people to like me but I wont force the issue and it doesn't mater to me if that doesn't work out.

Overall, it's kind of a yes and no answer, but in the grand scheme of things no.

Sami July 16th, 2019 7:16 AM

Well yes, but actually no.

Sure it feels good when people have positive opinions about you, but in the end if you are content with who you are then that is all that is needed.

Kitty July 16th, 2019 8:10 AM

The answer I want to give here is no, but the honest answer I can give is yeah kinda. I don't mind if the people who I dont particularly like/don't care about think of me as the worst person in the world- its probably because I am the worst person in the world to them; but generally for people that I like, especially people that I care about, their opinion about me matters. Sometimes it matters too much that I get anxious about it but that's life and as much as I want to get over that slope, I have to learn how to get up there first and master it. I think I'm halfway there though at least!

o1a1d1s1 January 18th, 2020 9:47 AM

Personally don't care. I'm trying to temper my ego until it's almost non-existent but hard enough to maintain a solid character. People are saying a lot of things but words... Words are usually egoistic. It's nice to hear "good" words about yourself but is there any weight behind them? Hardly. The thing in the mirror is slowly changing. That's a fact.

Zaddd January 18th, 2020 10:24 AM

I really do not regard anyone's opinion of me unless they know my flaws well. However, I usually be polite to people a lot, but I have to be very careful who I am dealing with. For example, if a person shows a lack of sagacious perspective and takes it for granted by ignoring my perspective on a topic and only cares about themselves, I completely ignore them because for 1: I hate jerks. And 2: if anyone tells me what to do without giving me a proper, rational reason why I should listen to them makes them a bad person (a.k.a. ignorant and sometimes stubborn). You just need to have common sense and find purpose in your life as long as you disregard people's opinions because they don't know or realize what you're going through.

CiCi January 18th, 2020 12:53 PM

Me, personally? I don't care. At all. If I ever withhold information about myself, it's because I don't feel like debating aspects of myself with someone else. I don't care if they don't like what I think or have to say, sometimes I just can't be arsed to deal with the consequences.

Me being asocial has had "negative" impacts on my life. Most of my relatives don't bother keeping in contact with me but I also like it that way. My mom and grandmother (and sometimes my brother if his head isn't stuck up his own ass that day) still love me and enjoy being around me and that's plenty. My fiancee still loves me and my company and I really don't care if randos like me. If they do, they can eventually be my friend. If they don't, then good, my social battery is always at 5% anyway.

Nanusmightyena January 18th, 2020 2:07 PM

Me personally, I don’t. I’m antisocial af unless I like you. And that’s my problem. I only care what people think when it conflicts with the politics of my job. Most jobs I’ve had are very political in the sense you need people to like you to keep your job. Unfortunately, that’s my problem. Most people don’t like me, lmao.

Neon Pink January 19th, 2020 3:50 PM

A lot of people call me "rude" and way over half the time, I don't even know what I did that made me "rude." ...... you think I care by now?

Who cares what other's think because as long as you're not hurting anyone or anything, you cool.

You do you. :)

pkmin3033 January 21st, 2020 6:44 AM

Only if you want it to...so that's a very situational "yes" and "no" I suppose. Generally other people's opinions don't matter to me at all, except for occasional spells where I suddenly realise that nobody actually likes me and suddenly EVERYONE'S opinion of me matters to me. It's weird.

I think it's a little more complicated than mattering or not mattering, though...we are all central to our own story, and of course when we include other people in that story, we want that to reflect positively on our own self-image. People not liking us does not reflect well on that story, and that matters. I think it's probably more accurate to say that our belief in other people's opinions of us is more important than the reality of other people's opinions of us...which is an extremely self-centered and egocentric thing to say I suppose, but then, this is probably why my life is basically one long, rambling soliloquy. Whenever I try and seek external validation I generally get stones thrown at me, so it's best not to look. xD

Bahamut January 21st, 2020 8:00 AM

I worry about what others think of me sometimes.

Ys January 21st, 2020 7:35 PM

Quote:

Yes and no?

At a personal level, you don't owe it to anyone else to be a certain person. If someone likes you then that's great, if they don't then that's not really your problem usually. It's important to stay true to yourself.

We don't live in a vacuum though and the reality is that how other people see you is very important. It affects work, relationships, hobbies, financial agreements, judicial rulings etc etc etc
This post from gimmepie summarizes it for me. I care what people think in a general sense and I try to give a good image, especially at my work and with my family. But then I don't care as much about what strangers or other people I'm not as close to may think about me on a personal level because I don't owe them anything and they don't owe me anything either.


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