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Turn vegetables into pizza. But don't tell your child that it's vegetables.
Why are you hiding the fact that you are Superman/Superwoman? |
Am I hiding it if you know about it? I mean it's simple really: people expect super villain and super hero to be different people. If they knew I was both they wouldn't leave me alone for a single second.
Can you see in the dark? |
Of course! I just raised my Gamma! 😉
What did you do with the drunken sailor? |
|
It hasn't even started and I already am not ready. Didn't help that I had trouble getting sleep this night. I guess complaining about work isn't really a twist...pretend that I said all of this in a happy voice!
Why are you running around with this nerf gun? |
Keeps it in case of something overpowered coming along. Walked away from a close call just the other day. Met the boss in the hallway. Started talking about being a "team player". Recognized that as code for unpaid overtime. Unloaded two darts to the forehead and one to the mouth. Shut down that conversation immediately. Would have been dragged into an unwinnable situation otherwise.
Why do you keep that as a pet? |
It looked sad. It's mere existence has made everything it comes across try to kill it. It doesn't even attack humans, though I'll admit keeping it in check around livestock is challenging.
I've pretty much got it under control now. I pet it, feed it, and walk it: Spoiler:
Could you lend me your horse? Quote:
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I can lend it to you for 80 bucks! And if you want more I still have some horse armor DLC for you to buy!
How far do you plan ahead? |
My superpowers of mathematician, coupled with the use of Turing machines, chaos theory, and the network of satellites that CIA uses to monitor everyone for the sake of democracy, allow me to plan ahead for the next 257 years, 8 months and 16 days. By the way, you should know that Google will invent a quantum super-computer that will allow you to upload your soul / brain to a computer so you can become immortal. It will happen by the end of 2133.
What world record(s) do you own? Quote:
No wait, I don't mean I kill everyone I meet D: |
I have the world record for most consecutive days cosplayed !
I was put into a special Glaceon outfit that was made to grow with me! I was put in it right after being born =D My world record is still going too! =3 Spoiler:
Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? |
Sorry, but I'm not into this kind of relationship. But good luck to you finding a partner that fits you! :)
Why don't you just use a route planner? |
Tried that before. Led to the hospital every time. Might have to do with allowing the app to access the camera, gallery, contacts, location, heart rate, blood pressure, medical records, calendar, microphone, bank account, academic records, credit history, and refrigerator. Probably did not need that last one.
Why are you keeping that in the refrigerator? |
I'm just trying to solve climate change by putting the Earth in the refrigerator. I thought it would help :/
What differentiates humans from plants? |
Plants only eat light snacks, they are on a permanent diet =D
Spoiler:
How do I reincarnate? |
Begins with your race. Roll a d100.
1-99: Strain of bacteria. Go to page 11. 100: See Table B. Table B: Roll a d100. 1-99: Insect. Go to page 492. 100: See Table C. Table C: Roll a d20. 1-15: Fish. Go to page 895. 16: Amphibian. Go to page 924. 17: Reptile. Go to page 955. 18: Mammal. Go to page 992. 19: Bird. Go to page 1027. 20: Unicorn. Go to page 1059. Consult the listed page to get the species. May demand further die rolls. Roll the indicated dice for sex, weight, and height. Varies by species, naturally. Decides your stats next. Roll 4d6 nineteen times. Fill in the attributes straight down the line. Consists of Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma, Contagion, Viciousness, Eating, Ticklishness, Pain Tolerance, Brashness, Putridity, pH (expect to be a basic creature), Crankiness, Mitosis, Softness, Viscosity, and Sharpness. Refers to your species page for any racial adjustments. Next, roll a d20 for mutations. Gains one mutation on a 1 and rolls again. Determines circumstances next. Roll a d10000 for planet, then d20 for Parental Situation. Refer to the tables indicated for genetic diseases for your species. May require more die rolls. Picks flaws after that. Roll 7d10000. Be sure to add any bonuses indicated from the Parental Situation. Selects the exciting part next: your class! Pick one from your choice of classes, such as Icosahedral, Rainbowdancer, and Whistler. (Note: Restricts certain classes to certain races. Be sure you qualify for a class before picking it. Results in many humans choosing "Whistler", for example.) Determine your subclass and any further class decisions from there. Assembled everything necessary except one: your location roll. Roll 2d180, then 2d1000. Gives you the latitude and longitude of your new body. Try not to die too quickly, also. Takes a looooong time to fill out a character sheet. Stinks to live, like, five minutes as a bacteria. _______________________ Paper, plastic, or parchment? |
Plastic, it tastes delicious.
How many of you are there? |
1 Attachment(s)
I am legion, for I am many.
Spoiler:
You're free to do a headcount, though 😉 Why is there a moat in your living room? |
I thought it said "boat". Oh well, a second moat in the living room couldn't hurt.
1, 2, 3 ,4, 5, 7 ,8, 9, 10. ...What happened to number 6? |
What are you talking about? What is this number 6? Never heard of anything between 5 and 7.
What does the CIA know about you? |
All the important information: the number of squirrels within 50 yards (updated hourly), the number of plastic bags in plastic bags, the last five years of pizza delivery preferences, the location of the geocache at the park, the location of a Secret Base in Sapphire, and the password to a Neopets account. Tried to escape them for years. Encountered their spy pigeons at every new spot. Could never say "Cya" to the CIA.
How did you get so good at sports? |
Many years of practice, patience, proper diet, a proper daily routine, friends for support and many many "accidents" that all my adversaries ran into finally lead to this specific moment where I finally won a sports competition! :D
Why is there a microwave oven inside that microwave oven? |
I bought it second hand from Xzibit. Need I say more?
Spoiler:
Would you like to look around? |
No thanks, I already see things. Ḽ̶̛̜̰͖̙̞̞̲͙̊̈́̅̌̋̀̽̋͌̆͗̋̓̄̔̈̈́̿̾̕͜O̵̗̗̙͎̹͍͇̪͚͕͑̈́̓̌́̊̉͗͒͝͝ͅT̸̡̢̢̝̯̼̞̻͖̠̝͖͓̝̟̥̙́͊̆̒̀̋̋̆̔͂͘̕͝ͅͅS̶̢̝̰͉͍̲̭͇̗̀͋̈́̈́̓̿͗̀̌̅͆́̀̿͘̕͠ͅ ̴̜̹̳̳̤̐̈́́̽̓͐̓̿̈͒͒̊͂͋̒̈́̄̈́͘͜͝O̶̧̢̧͍̙̬̱̜͖̖̟͓̖͖̙͖͈͎̘̿̅̑́͜ͅF̸̨̡͚̫̞̞͓̙̳̹̤̪̮̱̰̈́̐̀͂̂̇́̽̎̔̚͝͠ ̷̨̪͍͎͇̪͇͇̥̭͙̤̦̝̟̥͌́̊̋́̋̽͋̈́͆̈́͘̕͜T̶̛͔̬̗͔̩̘̥͇̗̰̻͎͙͍̺̖̬̜̿̍̿͆̋̄̇̄̉͛͋̓̚̕͘͜͜͝͝H̶̢̛̰͎̻̮̎̓͗̌̇͊͂̏̀̈́͘̚ͅI̸̧̨̛̺͙̱͍͓̘̹̙̳̦̥̳͔̖̠̥͍̪̳̲̰̥͛̑͋̈́̋͌͋̍̌͑͋̆͌͆͋͘͝ͅŅ̵̢̪͙͚͉̞̪̺̣̞͚͈̰͍̮̪̟̱̝̦̬̫̊̄̿̉͊̑̀̇̎̿̔́̇̇̃̃̅̓̋̌̓͂͜͝G̷̡̨̢̨̢̛͉̰̩̼͖̰͔̫̫͈̯͈̺͇̤̼̙͂̐̽́̆͂͐̇̅͐͗͛̾̿̌̀̚͜͠͝S̵͚͈͇͖͓̮̥̏͗͗̑
How many Draculas are hiding in this room |
Um... how did you know I was hiding in here?
What do you do for a living? |
Acts as a stunt double for animals. Stands in for animals in commercials, movies, and other media. Regulates the "no animals were harmed in the making of [X]" disclaimer much more nowadays. Could get injured jumping down from a counter or something. How many gifs have you seen of cats flubbing a jump?
Tried branching out. Auditioned for Cats. Was "too qualified". Psh. ____________ How did you overcome your writer's block? |
I bought a latter and climbed over it. It was no fun, though. Being afraid of height doesn't help, especially when you're hundreds of meters up in the air. But at least I got to speak to some people who where flying by in a helicopter. Well, I say "speak" but it was more of a half-paralyzed stuttering. The cold also didn't help.
They were probably also confused seeing a latter just standing there upright, seemingly not attached to anything. Also: the fact that there are people who sell latters that are hundreds of meters long. Where did you major in? |
Hugology. It's actually surprisingly difficult to do a proper hug. Need to factor in the pose and clothing of both people; the hug length, hug timing and what mood the other person is in.
Also need to indicate if there's any strings attached or not. Must also resist any urges to play pranks while hugging or any future hugs will be harder to do. Also greatly helps to be adorable =3 Can I interest you in a free hug? Spoiler:
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ How long have you been standing there? |
Standing here? That doesn't sound quite right, now does it? I mean, how do you know if this wasn't just a distraction?
*Kidnaps your wallet and flies into the sun* -------------------------------------------- Have you seen my locker? |
Yes, I have. But it does bring back memories that I didn't want to remember. Well, at least I never got stuffed into one. But still: destroy all lockers, anyway! <_<
What are you buying at the groceriy store? |
A big can of whitex to fix their sign 😏
The plot of land it's on. It's the last bit of land I need so that I can tear down the neighborhood and build a huge shrine for the eeveelutions! 😈 Why should you be elected ruler of the Earth? |
If you don't, I will put this plastic bottle in the non-recyclable bin!
How do you choose your tap water? |
I flip a coin. If it's heads I go to the kitchen and get it there. If it is Tails I go to the bathroom.
Why do you start work so early? |
Because the early bird Glaceon catches the worm Flapple 😈 =D
Why did you hire a party bus? |
For the party, of course. Said "BYOB" on the invitation. Stands for "Bring Your Own Bus", right?
What is the most viewed video that you have uploaded? |
It's a small project I called "Jurassic Park". I made it maybe 30 years ago, it was a low-budget movie for my last year project. I think I have it somewhere in my HDD.
How do you keep your house happy? |
Make sure you talk to it regularly, and refer to it as 'precious' often. Also make sure you ask for it's permission before doing any redecorating or painting or the like. It's recomended you do this when nobody is around or you might be dragged away from your house =\
You should also regularly clean and always sleep in your own bed in your own house to avoid making it jealous. You don't want it chasing you down the street or picking a fight with the other house you slept in, you cheater! Could you teach me how to fire bend? |
It's all a matter of perspective. If you imagine the fire bending to your will then it will follow suite. If you do it hard enough. It helps having the proper glasses. The downside is that nobody believes you. I bet they're just afraid of that power! :D
Do you stumble outside quite often? |
Sometimes. Suffers from really bad agoraphobia. (Might get beaten up by the house or something.) Drinks alcohol to muster up the courage to walk outside and buy more alcohol. Affects the ability to walk slightly.
Which is smarter: humans or birds? |
Well us humans have gotten a good grip on technology and have made ourselves able to fly.
The birds on the other hand still don't seem to have been able to mimic are greatest ability: violence. I mean, have you ever seen hundreds of thousands of birds charging at each other in a fight to the death? So obviously humanity is more violent smarter 😇 Why are you redecorating your living room? |
Since Christmas preparations seem to be sooner and sooner every year, decorating right now is the best way to be a step ahead of everyone else. And when I'm done I can just laugh at you all knowing that you're still going to stress yourselves out over it. :D
Can you give me a piece of that caramel chotocalte? |
I would but I'm pretty sure it's just chocolate covered cement, I broke my teeth on the other pieces.
can you help me with my chemistry homework? |
Sure.
Step one: Begin with vinegar. Put it in your freezer. Wait for part of it to freeze. Remove the frozen parts carefully. Keep the liquid. Step two: Add salt to the liquid. Stir it to combine. (Dissolves easier when warmed back up to room temperature, also.) Creates hydrochloric acid. Step three: Drop your chemistry homework into the liquid. Will never see that bad grade again. (Disclaimer: May or may not work. Do not do this at home. Beware handling strong acids.) ___________________ Why do clouds release rain drops at a time, rather than all at once? |
Clouds are well trained monks who have learnt the skill of discipline and therefor know how to hold back instead of dropping a torrential downpoor all the time. Actually, they need to be a master monk in order to do that. Otherwise they would get kicked out of the community.
I read the rules but still don't understand it: how do you play this game? |
Simple.... you don't!
You get in the harness. We strap you in and enable the Bluetooth and then let random people online control you through the harness =D No need to be hesitant, it's perfectly safe! The worst that's happened so far is that one of our test subjects game testers got walked into a shallow moat. They were perfectly fine.... or they are now anyway =D How are you doing that..... is it.... witchcraft? |
You mean, breathing and typing at the same time? It takes years of practice, but I know it's a gift.
Do you want a plushie? |
Yes please!!! How would you like to pay the handling and storage fees for me taking it off your hands? Cash or cheque?
What is at the end of the rainbow? |
Nothing whatsoever, so don't even try riding one. Those pots of chocolate are all mine I tell ya!
Would you like to play hide and seek? |
Okay. Wants to be the seeker. Sells pest control door-to-door this time. Will give you twenty seconds to hide after ringing the doorbell. Forbids any funny stuff. Means no two-way mirrors. Must be able to see you from a window.
Why are black cats considered unlucky? |
Because it's so easy to accidentally step on them in the dark night.
If you had a super-power, what would it be ? |
The power to make everyone happy and healthy.
The twist ? Well.... it only lasts for a couple seconds D= How many spoons did you use to make this piece of art? |
as many as I could fit in the bus
how do you escape family gatherings? |
I need to know where they place the traps and dodge their lassos. After some distance I need to stay out of sight because my family tracks me with a sniper riffle...
When do you plan to solve climate change? I heard it would take only one hour of your time :/ Quote:
One to mix the flour, milk, eggs and chocolate to make the cake, and then one to progressively bring every piece of it to my mouth and destroy it! |
I already did. But then corporations reminded me of the fact that they exist.
Why are you so good at this game? |
I bought the Easy Mode edition.
It gave me a free complementary aim bot, invulnerability and any hackers who kill me automatically get banned and their game uninstalled =D Pay to win at it's finest =D Can't help but wonder what will happen when I kill a fellow Easy Mode Edition purchaser though.... mutual ban/uninstall? 🤔 Why are you suddenly bursting out in laughter? |
|
I am a self-conscious Slowpoke. I am always serious so I don't show to the world how bad my jokes are.
How to master the Force? |
Just force it.... assert dominance over it! :coolcat:
No need to Wish It. Just Want It and then you Do It. Congrats... you completed the workshop and are now a force to be reckoned with! Can I have your chocolate bar? :pleaplup: |
Yes, but that will be 1000 pokédollars.
What would you do if you became president ? |
"Goodbye state of Vermont"!
What's in the refrigerator? |
Some remains of unknown origins. They were already there when I moved in, so obviously I wouldn't know. But you can try them if you like! :)
What's in the center of a circle? |
A portal that leads to an alternate universe where circles don't exist. You could have fun riding some rectangular cars and eating triangular food of off square plates!
Good luck getting out again btw 😉 Why are you mentioned in the credits of the latest Marvel movie? |
Because I wanted to live a normal life, but dark magic made my psychic powers turn red.
Are we at the center of the universe ? |
We were, until the planet snatchers arrived..
So what happened with that dinner reservation you made? |
What dinner reservation? Oh, that dinner reservation! The one that I definitely made before I told everyone how I totally made that dinner reservation. The one I made in that resaurant in a very specific way that I also told everyone about. Seems like I need to remind them a little bit on the dinner reservation that I definitely made! Oh, do I hope they still have free seats... <_<
Why are you running around with a brick on a leash? |
Listen, having a pet rock is it’s own responsibility and that only increases with the more structurally sound the building material is. It’s my duty as an accountable owner is to walk with my brick and give it an enriching life. What am I just going to let him be an outdoor brick? This is why we have such a wild concrete problem. Spay and neuter your building materials, people!
Okay so now explain to me that song about Florida you keep singing? |
I would explain, however a Florida Man stole the lyrics and I can't remember the song.
What are they protesting outside? |
They're probably mad I stole their chocolate.
It's mine now though. Mine, I tell ya!!!! I already ate most of it anyway.... Spoiler:
Do you have any tips on how to stay optimistic? |
keep your optics working
*points gun at screen* uWu |
Stop playing with this thing, you will end up hurting yourself!
Why can't pokémon be trainers too ? |
Because they're too good-natured and not as evil as humans.... 😔
Where did you hide the Fountain of Youth? |
I have never hidden it, I've lost it! Please help me find it, I don't want to get old :(((((((
What happened to your hope for a better world? |
I lost L, now it's just word. There is no more hope.
Why'd the dinosaurs go extinct? |
Quote:
how much do you contribute to global homeostasis? |
Is that the theory that the human body heals by itself that some doctors doctor in and then don't prescribe proper medicine because of it? Yeah, I'm not a fan.
Why is there a particle collider in your backyard? |
To conduct experiments on Electric type pokémon at high speed - I mean FOR SCIENCE!
Why did you buy so many balloons ? |
I'm gonna reenact something I saw in a movie. Wish me luck =3
Spoiler:
How fast can you type? |
1 Attachment(s)
Attachment 101802
Six words per minute. Not bad for nose-only. (Actually did it that way. Took the accuracy hit from being unable to capitalize. Could have used Caps Lock, in hindsight.) What skill would you like to learn? |
Well, all of my attempts to breathe underwater haven't been working out so well; but I found a new class on skill share about gill growth so I'm going to try that! :D
Gosh, you're looking awful purple this morning, what's up? |
Oh, that is just me after tracing a Greninja's Protean ability, then using the Fling move and changing into Dark type!
Have you ever been praised by one or several other players in an online video game ? |
Yes, in League of Legends. Opponents always thank me for playing super bad and letting them win :D
Why wheels are circles and not squares? |
Greed.
Less money to be made on square wheels, they perform better after all! Supposedly works wonders for a back ache too! Why are you all dressed up? |
That's just my normal daily attire. What? That dress was incredibly expensive. Why would I use it only once and then be done with it? D:
When do you usually go grocery shopping? |
Whenever I feel like using the Thief move!
Why are you following me ? |
I don't know either.... last thing I remember is you using Hypnosis on me....
Can you explain this math problem to me? |
Sure. Will rewrite the question first.
"Simplify the following expression: 2x * (3y + 19) ± 6y * (x - 2)" Looks way too complicated right now. Starts with that "±". Represents a cross gravestone. Means to remember Jesus. Comes before all other operations. Takes it out afterward, probably to comply with the law. Becomes: 2x * (3y + 19) 6y * (x - 2) But what are you supposed to do without a sign before the 6y? Left a black hole, essentially. Sucks up all the stuff after it. Erases all of that. Thanks, Jesus. 2x * (3y + 19) Who wants letters in a "simple" math problem? No one with a lick of sense. Ditch them. 2 * (3 + 19) Distributes the 2 next. Injected politics into this part. Teaches the Communist way to distribute it equally in some parts of the country. Will show you the American way to do it. Actually belongs to the more deserving 19, due to being naturally bigger and better than 3. 3 + 219 Reached the easy part. Just add them now. 222 There. A simple answer. _______________ What words did you learn in your foreign language class today? |
Hello my name is hosepipe! (Englisch ist ein Pferd, das man in der Diskothek lernen kann!)
What is your favourite flavour of donut? |
The one that lay on the ground for exactly 3.5 seconds. It's still perfectly within the 5 second rule, as well!
How do you deal with your enemies? |
I hide in their walls and follow them while they sleep. I always move their things so slightly that they become paranoid.
How many times can you do a somersault without stopping? |
|
A mammoth. I would ride into battle on it's back every day, and shoot my icebeams everywhere to stop global warming!
What color is your aura? |
It's a complex mix of different shades of white, beige, red, and yellow. I have a pizza aura! D:
Why do you believe unicorns do exist? |
1 Attachment(s)
Witnessed a Unicorn before. Traveled through Iowa once. Encompassed almost the entire state. Those fields? Corn. That sign? Corn. Those buildings? Corn. Those people? Corn.
Sought to make all corn. Fed corn to every living thing there. Played nothing but cornhole. Told nothing but corny jokes. Offered corn seeds to passersby. Babbled about the many uses of corn in cooking, fuel, batteries, plastic, and more. Looked deep into one person's eyes. Saw no soul in them. Was just the husk of a person. Realized a shared mindset at the point, known as The Kernel. Shouted at the Unicorn to stay back. Bluffed with a can of hairspray. Contained no Freon. Planted a seed of doubt in the Unicorn, however. Sufficed for long enough to start the engine. Floored it. Made it to safety in an hour. Heard similar tales about a Unicorn in South Dakota. Calls itself The King Crop. Resides at the Corn Palace. Fears more Unicorns elsewhere too. (Bonus: Actually googled "Opposites of Corn" while trying to think of ways to defeat it. Attachment 101900 Why is "death" the opposite of Corn?) ______________ What television show do you want to watch next? |
You ever watched these courtroom soaps that run up and down all the time during the afternoon? Yeah, I use them to educate myself on how to do lawyer stuff. A couple people already asked me if I could defend them in court. So this is the perfect way to learn how.
Why are there so many signs that point to your home? |
Why would I not want to let as many people as possible know that "Fact Checking Gardevoir lives here!" ?
Do you like rewatching movies you like once in a while ? |
Of course!
Who wouldn't want to watch Frozen on a loop 24/7? I've got my entire street chanting 'Let it go!' now =D Why does your bed look like a giant cake? |
Wait, what?! I didn't realise! So that's where you have hidden your cake...
Where do you park your flying car? |
I forgot okay? I'm just going to keep hitting the alarm button until we can find it.
Huh, what are you eating? |
Oh just someone that broke the rules 😇
How many clothes do you own? |
A lot. I bought so many dresses that we're currently having a shortage on them in our area.
What does your crystal ball say about my future? |
*Uses Future Sight*
My crystal ball tells me... that your future will be bright, IF you buy me a lot of Sweet Hearts! Or else Why are you smiling ? |
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