The PokéCommunity Forums

The PokéCommunity Forums (https://www.pokecommunity.com/index.php)
-   Fan Clubs & Groups (https://www.pokecommunity.com/forumdisplay.php?f=73)
-   -   The Reading and Writing Club (https://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=50834)

phantom_zangetsu September 24th, 2005 9:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Hunk
I am usually inspired in the middle of the night 10 PM to 4 AM
well, i only get inspired when i feel sad and when the wind is blowin and everything is so silent. and yeah i do feel inspired somewhere in the middle of the afternoon coz its so relaxing here on the phillippines. oh yeah! im done with the poem here it is! its more of a story than a poem but what the heck here:

The start of sadness dawn
it was morning
and my mind was still feeble
the world was still smiling at me
no pains or wounds
can be seen on me
everyday before the start of sadness dawn
my life was perfect

untill came one part of the world
that tried to hurt me
i dont know why but he started acting weird
he hated me so much that i coudnt take it anymore
so i went to ask the world for help
but he ignored me
he said i was a whiner
and i always ask for help
i got angry and i punched him in the face
but the world did not gave up
he swore that he will make my life the worst

and so i saw the dawn staring at me so sadly
that the dawn even ignored everyhting i said
i felt so alone that day
i felt that the world threw me into a dark place
scince then i became alone everyday
everytime i go home, a scar or wound can be seen
i always sleep with tears falling down on my face
i cudnt think about the happy days before the start of sadness dawn
it was clouded by the sadness i felt everyday
i shall regret i ever knew the world
i shall regret the day i ever met them....
how they became my friends...
and so as i leave these last words
the start of sadness dawn will be within my heart...
forever

a little something about the poem: it inspired me to make this poem when i was thinking of when my sadness started. and i figured out that it was from a kid whom i met in 6th grade that i had a little argument. he got hurt and embarassed so bad, that when i became highschool, he became tougher than usuall. i got a bit weak and then i refused to fight back. and then, he had many friends and i only had 2 (besides Witch girl pilar) but i somehow survived and i tried to "fit in" but they wont let me. so until now, i am still trying to fit in. its a bit sad, i gotta say.

Squeegee Beckenheim September 25th, 2005 3:21 AM

The story you added to the poem was a little more exciting than the poem, in my opinion.

phantom_zangetsu September 25th, 2005 3:38 AM

oh...well umm...what do you think i should do? no really? honestly i really am in need of tips and tricks i kinda suck! but not too much that is! lol!

~Ozy~ September 25th, 2005 1:23 PM

I suggest you scrap the entire thing and start over. It would be easier than revising.

Squeegee Beckenheim September 25th, 2005 1:26 PM

I would have said that, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Crystal Clair September 25th, 2005 2:09 PM

You know what I do when I come across a story that has been brutally abused and is bad to the point that it's almost deleted but just has the perfect plot, story or characters? I open up the file, then open up a new file, hilight the important things in the story I want to keep and I just add them to the new document and work with them.
It works most of the time. When it doesn't, I put the document in the Demon Folder XD

phantom_zangetsu September 26th, 2005 3:04 AM

hmm....maybe the admant doger has a point. thas okay the hunk, i did made it in a rush so maybe i need to recap a few bits o' that thing. but its gonna take a while. still, i wont give up! oh yeah! im also gonna start writing small and simple love poems soon! i can feel it!

Squeegee Beckenheim September 26th, 2005 3:32 AM

Now I like poems with a little romance in them. They are so amazing. Most are good unless they get a little to explained, in a sence.

Smarties-chan September 26th, 2005 8:16 AM

I just love love poems they make me want to cry...

phantom_zangetsu September 27th, 2005 3:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smarty_arty
I just love love poems they make me want to cry...

yah! me too i just love em! lol! but the only love poem i ver cried to was a poem of mine that was rudely torn by my classmates really made me cry coz i was inspired that time and...it was kinda sad a bit it was about a girl who lost his boyfriend due to bad habbit-thingy i kinda forgot it was a few months ago. but ill try to make another one......*sigh*

Squeegee Beckenheim September 27th, 2005 3:46 AM

I do not cry to often when I read stories. However there have been a few stories in which I have cried over.

phantom_zangetsu September 30th, 2005 3:22 AM

man! i just had a rough thursday! man! well im not making too much poetry these days coz i have to prepeare for a role playing next week and the bad part is, my role stinks!
okay heres a just-made 2 poems. the other one is kinda ugly but ill renew it once i get your comments:

Humiliation at the start of fall
The rain began pouring down
my lonliness can be seen anywhere
starting from my accident in the classroom
from the laughing and yelling of the world
saying things im not who i am
they think im a person
i least wanted to be
this has led to me of the thought that
this was no mere bad luck

the leaves of fall showers me
as i walk to the neverending road
where the world never gets tired
where the world never gets tired
of bringing me down
if only i was free to scream at them
to say what i feel to them
to say what i feel to them
i wish that maybe someday
this humiliation will vanish one day
that the world will not tell me what to do

but what am i saying?
it can never happen to a person like me
i can never see the sunshine that i once saw
i will always wonder in the worlds back
never thinking of anything but to live a lonely life

and heres that love poem i did this is the ugly one

Missing You
people all around me
everywhere that i go
they all watch me
like im some kind of show
but i dont mind them
i dont care what they say at me

my world is at end
untill i met you one day
i saw you in a crowd,
and you stand out amongst them
your face can never be replaced by anyone for now
but you where just an image in my head

im alone again
you image is gone
i cant see it anymore
my world is trapped in a cage forever
i try to think of you everynight
but i could find you anymore
your'e lost inside my head
im missing you now
i can see hope through you
i can see my happines through you
but now that your gone
i cant do anything
but to forget you.....

Squeegee Beckenheim September 30th, 2005 2:28 PM

Pretty cool. I like it. I do not think I would change anything specifically. It is just good.

phantom_zangetsu September 30th, 2005 4:39 PM

oh yay! thanks! but do you think the last one stinks? that was a little bit depressing too. but honestly, i didnt cry when i made this.

~Ozy~ September 30th, 2005 5:57 PM

Poetry rocks. I've been trying to get a few of mine published. I actually have a thread in Poetry, check it out if you want. Or, if you're a bum, here's the link: TAD's Poetry Anthology.

Anyways, I'm proud of myself (though my teachers may not be). Today, during classes, I managed to write one short story and two new poems. I'll type 'em up and post 'em soon as I can.

phantom_zangetsu September 30th, 2005 7:41 PM

you said it admant doger! poetry does rock! lol! well, ive made another one and its a bit long so, i just hope you and the other members like it:

Untrusted
you said i could always count on you
whenever i needed you
but instead,
you were the one who always needed my help
you where always laughing at every great things ive done
you said it looked stupid
but theres nothing more stupid than you

i always thought that friends where
supposed to help each other
but i thank you
for changing that
you have showed me the bad things
the world can do to me

you said as long as we would stick together
we'd be alright
we'd be okay
but i was stupid and you broke me down
ill never forget the day you destroyed me

but when the tables turn
youll remember me
youll be wishing i was there for you
but all will be there is an image of me
laughing at you
and as time goes by
youll wonder why youre all alone

when you wake up
you always call me
but now that ive realized,
i always hang up before you could speak
you wish youve never done the things
that the world is doing to me right now
now is the time that you should disappear in my memory
ill be fine as soon as i get your picture right out of my mind...

so? how was it? its alittle bit rough, but i think it should do

~Ozy~ October 1st, 2005 5:55 AM

As a rough copy, it has potential, but it needs a great deal of refining. the idea is solid, but you stick to people rather bluntly. Try being a little more oblique.

phantom_zangetsu October 1st, 2005 7:03 AM

uhh....okay thanks! sure and im gonna post my new one tom. im gonna sleep first *yawn*


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:58 AM.


Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2018 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2016 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.

Acknowledgements
Use of PokéCommunity Assets
vB Optimise by DragonByte Technologies Ltd © 2023.