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Poetry by me!
Well i kept promising myself i'd do this some day and now i'm finally doing it. I just wanted to post some of my poems to see what others think of them. ^_^
The first Poem i'm going to put up is DragonballZ related, yes i used to be a fan of that Anime, but now i don't really care for it so much....Anyways basically this poem just focuses on the relationship between Bulma and Vegeta; people who've watched the Anime will likely understand it a lot better. Loving You Visions of us walking hand in hand, Down the beach.. Through the sand That's what i dream of As i watch you there Running my fingers through my soft blue hair I shake my head coming back to reality instead You lay there on the pink sofa Watching T.V. I sigh heading towards the kitchen.. There's nothing to see "Bulma?" I hear him call I walk out of the kitchen, Looking at him, as i lean against the wall. "Come here" He smiles I sit down beside him on the sofa, He pulls me into an embrace. Blinking a little, Surprised, i look up his face. He gives me another smile I snuggle up to him, Laying my head on his muscular chest. Those visions that seemed so far away Don't matter now.. Well not today I smile to myself thinking, "I love you Vegeta, you're the best." |
Wooowww! That was really good! I used to watch DBZ too, but I don't like that new GT thingy.....
I love how you incorporated the talking into the poem. It really gives it life! Even though I haven't seen your others, if they're as good as this one I'd be suprised if you haven't once thought of getting them published! You're a great poet! |
Wow, that's very good, i like that one. You really capture what Bulma could have been thinking at times. That's cool. Post more of your poems.
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I was wondering what was takin you so long :P.
All I can say is "Wow" you really captured the situation between Bulma and Vegeta well in your Poem, I really do want to see more of yours. |
Aww...thank you all for the lovely compliments, glad you liked it! I will be posting more up soon, though. ^_^
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Good, glad you'll be posting more. Share your talent with the world!
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I don't really watch DBZ but that's not the point^_- Even without watching it I love your poem! You harldly ever see anyone adding dialog into poems, I agree with Jordan, it makes it lively. Hmmm...well that's settled! I'm going to go post my poetry too!
Nice work^___^ |
I can't wait to see more!
......I actually have one poem I want to share, but it's kind of a waist to make a thread just for that hehe.... |
Thanks, Teara ^_^
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"Too Stuck On You.."
As a wave of emotion hits me You stare at me for a while I try to take in what you've just said But all i can do is smile.. But behind that smile And this bright disguise Are tears yet to spill From my watery blue eyes You've crushed my hopes You've crushed my dreams This is the reality Not just what it seems I love you so much You mean so much to me But this just seems so wrong Not the way it was supposed to be... So now i'm a mess Can't think what to do You're always on my mind I'm too deep within reality Too stuck on you.... I wrote this poem late last night, so it might seem a bit messed up and if there's something that you don't quite understand about it, feel free to say. The sad thing about "Too Stuck On You" is that it's actually based on a true event. One which i don't want to explain here, but if there's anyone who wants to know about the poem's basis for some reason, then you're best sending me a PM about it... |
Wow Sheridan! All your poems seem to touch my heart!
*decides to keep a box of tissues on hand* I would like to know what it's about, but I don't want to poke into personal business. That's a little too nosy hehe.... How long does it take you to make each of these? You must put a lot of thought into it! |
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Thanks Jordan! ^_^ Hmm....well it really depends on what i'm writing about. I like to spend time on my poems, so it can range from anything like ten minutes to an hour or more. I don't really keep track of time when i'm writing, though i know this one took me a while because i had to change the stanzas around in order to get it to fit the event chronologically....though in the end i don't think i did as well as i could have... As for putting a lot of thought into it, one word..."Always" |
Well, here comes Blaine's constructive criticism, as always. First off, I find you to overuse a lot of your words, particularly "much." I'm sort of biased because I'm very much against love and angst, but I generally like the flow of your poetry. The second one, however, was awfully sloppy and I could tell you were just putting things together. I'm sorry for all the horrible comments, but overall, I sorta' kinda' have to admit, I like them, may they be raw. ^^;;;
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Hee hee! That's pretty cute! I thought it was so kawaii, imo ^_^ Nice job
*dies* |
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EDIT: Sorry, CaRtOON, i never saw your post there ^^; Thanks a lot! |
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Agreed. But most people at PC (or so I've noticed) do not like it. There was a war launched against Dizzy before. Anyways, I like the DBZ one. But... its really emotional, something I would not like to have right now(I'm in a bad mood).
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I believe Dizzy said something about "I dont want to hear bad things..." etc. Personally from me to you, if you cant say good things, dont say anything...
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Ok firstly, Blaine i really don't mind you criticising my poems in a constructive way, i have no problems with it what so ever. So go ahead.
Secondly, i just said that in general i don't like constructive criticism for reasons already stated, but like said above, Blaine posting her comments on my poems in my thread is fine. The reason i created this thread was so i could share my poetry with others, not so i could hold a two-way conversation about constructive criticism being hurtful amongst other things. So please use this thread for the purpose in which it was created for. Thanks again to everyone who commented on my poetry in some way, i appreciate it! |
Yes I must say you two need to relax a little bit, I'm glad that you, Hikaru's Twin, stepped in to try and stop this. (trying to steal my job eh? =P) just kidding.
But seriously, it was very unnessary for you to just say anything bna li, knowing that it would proberly start something, but you do have the right to say what you feel which perfectly fine. And Blaine did nothing wrong, she was just trying to help her out. And Hikaru's Twin, I apolgize if I did anything to disrupt your thread. |
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